Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the afternoon at my favorite day of the week and my favorite time of year. It is the most wonderful time of the year, and I hope you're having a great week. Hey, hang in there with me, friends, because with all of the family that was around, I am a little under the weather, so hopefully you won't notice any change in my voice. But I just beg you to bear with me. I have a message of hope to deliver to you today that I really feel just burning on my heart. And we are now at the first week of Advent. We're the first official week of the Christmas season. And this is a season where the church pauses not to rush into Christmas, not where everything really tries to pick up. But I am encouraging you to be countercultural, to slow your heart long enough to remember that we're in a season of waiting and to remember what we're actually waiting for. Advent is a season of waiting. And Advent starts in the dark. And before the coming of Christ, the world, the message from God had been dark. God had not spoken to his people for about 400 years. Can you imagine waiting in that silence? And we're in another period of waiting where we're waiting for Christ's return. And we long for that. And every day we think, okay, Jesus, Lord Jesus, come quickly. We long for the return of Christ, when all things will be made new, when all things will be right, when the injustices and the trials and the traumas and the pains and the sorrows of this world that, don't stop for Christmas season. We want those to be made new, to be made right. But it is in this season of sacred waiting, the days get shorter, the nights get longer. And it mirrors the ache that so many of us quietly carry into Christmas. Maybe today you are listening and you're hopeful and you're feeling good about the world. Maybe you're barely holding on. Maybe the tree is up and the music is playing now because we are after Thanksgiving. But your heart feels tired, or maybe it's wounded, or maybe it's just uncertain. You don't know what the Christmas season is going to bring. Well, the first candle that we light in Advent is the candle of hope. And that's what I'm in the business of, doing here every day, prescribing hope for healthy families. But this is not a shallow hope. It's not a hope for today. It's not the kind that you hang on Christmas cards or that you see in retail ads. It's not a fingers crossed kind of hope or maybe next year kind of hope. I'm talking about the kind of hope but that walks into the darkness, that refuses to leave without you. I'm talking about the kind of hope that isn't based on how 2025 was, how the year went, but on who Christ is. And as we begin Advent, we think about the season of waiting. And we have been through together a year, that, of a journey that you've taken alongside me, developing 52 habits for healthy families. And we have talked about a lot of ways to find hope every day this year, every single day. I've given a prescription for hope every day up and on the air. And we've talked about rhythms instead of resolutions. We've talked about grace instead of guilt. We've talked about progress instead of perfection. We've talked about faithfulness over fear. And today we pause to say this out loud. If this year did not go the way that you hoped it, if your family is still healing, if your prayers are still unanswered, God is not done yet. Hope is not a feeling. It's a person. And that person is named Jesus Christ. And Advent really teaches us that Christmas is not a countdown to presents. It's a countdown to the presence of God who came to dwell with us, God who is Emmanuel. It's about waiting with expectation instead of numbing ourselves with distraction with mindless scrolling. We don't rush past that longing. We let that longing lead us to Christ to refine us, to make us new. And when we look back at this year, many of you may have some regret. And I have made it a resolution. Not a NewSong Year's resolution, but a commitment before the Lord. That I am not going to live in regret. My kids would see that about me and they would call it out. I remember one of my children just this year saying, mom, stop it. I can see you going into regret mode. Oh, I regret that we came here. I regret that I ordered this. Oh, I regret that whatever it is, I'm going to regret those things that are sinful in my life. When I sin, I'm going to regret that very, very deeply. But if I make a mistake, if I make a choice that doesn't work out the way that I hope to, I'm not going to regret that. I'm going to ask, did I Learn something, or did I have an Advent? And sometimes it is both. But in either way, God is teaching me. God is refining me in that choice, in that season. He makes beauty from ashes. And we can think about, where did you grow this year? What character traits did God refine in you? What fruits of the spirit did you have? Where are you still growing? What habits stuck that were really good? And which habits need some grace to continue growing? The good news is that growth doesn't require perfection. God honors faithfulness. If we have the faith of a mustard seed, God loves to give good gifts to his children. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus. And when we're looking in a world for hope, we find that Christmas is the most hopeful story that was ever told. Because hope didn't arrive in Jerusalem among royalty. It wasn't an Instagrammable moment. It didn't break into Rome with armies. Hope really came quietly, in the middle of the night to a teenage girl who was really a nobody. No influence, no platform. But heaven wrapped itself in human skin and entered poverty and pain and obscurity and straw and animal dung. He was not laid in gold, in ornaments and jewels, but in a feeding trough. And in that moment, God declared to the world, I am m not far away. I am not uninterested. I am not uninvested. I am not withholding love. I am with you. And God became Emmanuel. God with us. This is the message that our families need to hear in a world where it seems like it's all that we can do to hold on to hope. We know that Emmanuel is God with us. Right in the messy moments, right in the pain and the victories. All of those things are so that we can have hope in Christ. And hope is not earned. It's just a free gift of God. And we. We get that gift through repentance, through surrender, through faith. And so maybe you feel weary, maybe you feel lonely, maybe you feel unsure how to fix what feels broken. But Advent isn't about fixing yourself. It's just about coming to Christ. Come to Jesus. Letting him be your peace, letting him be your savior, letting him be your hope. Because when you let that hope move into your heart, it really changes how you live. And when, that hope fills your home, it changes how we celebrate this season and, in fact, how we steward it. And we can bring hope into your home for Christmas.

I've been encouraging you to do Advent, to honor Advent in some way

I've been encouraging you for the last month to do Advent, to honor Advent in some way, to recognize this season of waiting. There are plenty of great resources out there. And, one of those resources that we've highlighted is this beautiful Advent book called the One We're Waiting For. It's written by Taylor Combs. Taylor is a pastor. I interviewed just in November and talked about this. And this book is so beautiful. And looking for our children, no matter if they're toddlers or teens or if they're grown, they're looking for a hope in a world that tells us there is no hope. Or the only hope that you can find is in yourself and to gather your family for just a few minutes each night, whether that's your spouse, whether that's your children by FaceTime, whether that is your children who are in your home. I encourage you to take a moment every night until Christmas. And it's okay if you miss a night, and it's okay if you're only starting now, but to honor this season of waiting and when we're looking at Advent and what it is and what it stands for, this book in particular, I was really captivated by the descriptions of that and really talking about how people at one point or another, do walk through dark times. But we know. Let me read to you From Isaiah, chapter 9, verses 2 through 7. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light. A, light has dawned on those living in the land of darkness. You have enlarged the nation and increased its joy. The people have rejoiced before you as they rejoice at harvest time. And then it goes on to say, probably one of the most well known Christmas verses in the Bible. For a child will be born for us, a son will be given to us, and the government will be on his shoulders. He will be named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. The dominion will be vast and its prosperity will never end. He will reign on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish and sustain it with justice and righteousness from now on and forever. The zeal of the Lord of armies will accomplish this. And God promised through Isaiah that he would deliver his people from their darkness. He would send a child, and that child would become their great rescuer. He would rule and reign with justice and righteousness forever and ever. And the people again would walk in the light, just like we want to do today. And we are waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting, just like the people who are waiting for the birth of Jesus. And we're still waiting. John 8:12 says, I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life. That is a hope that we can hold on to in this world that seems so dark. And we are living in the time between the times. We are living between two Advents. Christ has come. But Christ will come again. And until he does, much remains dark about this world. Much remains dark about our life. And we feel it. We feel a world that is filled with a stench of death. But we are waiting for the time when death will be no more, when it will be swallowed up by victory. Our world is still filled with the presence and consequences of sin. But Christ came to rescue us from our sins. And on the cross, he paid the penalty of sin for all who have faith in him. And yet we long to be freed from the very presence of sin. And, yes, the world is still filled with injustice, with people mistreating one another, committing violence against one another. And we see that darkness in the world and in our own hearts. But we know that God will come. That, Jesus will come again, and he will make all things right. And in this Advent devotional, there's a reference again to CS Lewis beloved children's novel the lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, where four children, which my four children played. These four children, I have two girls, two boys, just like the two girls, two boys and Narnia. One of my favorite memories of their childhood, seeing that they stumble into a magical wardrobe in a land called Narnia. And they learn quickly that the land is under the spell of a wicked enchantress who has made it always winter and never Christmas. And when Lewis includes this description, he's telling us that Narnia was stuck in a perpetual Advent. They were always waiting. But Mr. Beaver recites, to the children a poem about Aslan, Aslan the Great. And he says, wrong will be right when Aslan comes in sight. At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more. When he bears his teeth, winter meets its death. And when he shakes his, we shall have spring again. This is the promise of Advent. That's the hope of Advent. There is the one who has come, the one who is coming, whose arrival is of infinitely. Of infinitely more significance than a fictional lion in a fictional land called Narnia. And this is when the one Jesus comes inside again. Wrong will be right. Sorrows will flee in terror. The barrenness of our spiritual winter, the winter of sin and brokenness and death, will mean its own death. And we shall all have spring again. So I encourage you to have some season of Advent, whether that's reading a scripture, finding a free resource online. Getting one from your church, buying a book that's a keepsake. When we come back, we'll talk more about a Christmas that feels like Jesus crisis. We'll talk about some of the things that threaten to take our hope in Christmas and what we can do. We'll talk about being in the here and now and resisting comparison as the thief of joy. How can we find hope in setting our hearts and our homes towards the real reason for Christmas? And before we end, I'm, going to give you some ideas for gifts for teens. I'll be back after this break. A recent Danish study revealed something heartbreaking. Just one year after an abortion, women were 50% more likely to need psychiatric treatment and 87% more likely to experience personality or behavioral disorders. That's not women's health care. That's trauma. But at preborn, women find the real kind of care, the kind that heals. When a woman walks into one of preborn's network clinics, she's welcomed with open arms. She's introduced to her baby through an ultrasound. And for the first time, she sees life not loss And she's offered hope filled choices. When she chooses life, PreBorn continues walking with her for up to two years, providing maternity clothes, diapers, counseling, and so much more. Preborn cares for the whole woman, body, mind and soul and the precious baby growing inside her. 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Emmanuel God With Us by Chris Tomlin: Go tell it on the mountain. The one that we've been waiting for. The king of our salvation. Born on this day, Our Savior Christ the Lord. Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere. That we can be forgiven. The weight of all our sin. He came to bear. Emmanuel God with us Emmanuel King Jesus, the Savior of the world is born. Emmanuel God with us. Emmanuel King Jesus, the Savior of the world is born

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is Emmanuel God with Us by Chris Tomlin and that is the message that I'm giving you today. Emmanuel is God with us And we are talking about Advent. And the first candle of Advent is hope. And we're talking about how do we find hope in a world that seems hopeless? Well, the world will tell you that instead of a Season of waiting for the return of Christ, that this is the season of rushing to get all of the holiday events in, to find all of the perfect holiday gifts. And we trade pressure for peace, and we trade perfection per presence, and we trade performance for purpose. That's what we should do. But, we don't always do that. We rush to decorate, we rush to shop, we rush to host, we rush to show up. And sometimes in all that rushing, we quietly lose the one thing that we're supposed to receive, and that is hope and peace. We were not meant to turn Christmas into a commercial extravaganza. We were never meant to perform our way through it to make sure that our family has the matching pajama picture. Although, if you have that, that's adorable, and I have nothing against that. If you don't have that and you're jealous of that, that's another problem. But there's all these things we feel like we should do. But Jesus did not step into a perfect family. He stepped into a broken world. And so if things feel messy for you this year, if relationships are complicated, if finances are tight, if your emotion is tender, if your grief is fresh, you might be closer to the heart of Christmas than you realize. And you sit there and you worry about those emotions ruining Christmas when that's exactly the kind of Christmas that Christ stepped into. Christmas doesn't start with a Pinterest board. It starts with humility. And it doesn't begin with a performance to put on the best Christmas ever. It begins with presence and the presence of Jesus. One of the things that I see stealing hope and joy faster than anything else at Christmas is comparison. And when we look at social media, we often will talk to kids about the dangers of social media, but it's just as dangerous for us adults as well. And social media sells. We have highlight reels that are showing us the highlights of everyone else's holidays days. It's not showing the burned cookies or the fights or the, complaining over extended relatives coming to stay or all of the burdens and blessings that can come along with Christmas. We see a version of curated joy that is curated for us. It is a faith that is conveniently edited to show what people want us to see. That's called image crafting. This is the version of my Christmas that I want you to see. It looks like a made for TV movie. We see families that are filtered when we see that perfect picture. We don't see the brokenness, the parents who are on the brink of a divorce or the families who are going through divorce and are having to have children at different places or have children alone or, all of those things the first Christmas without someone who has passed. All of those things that can make Christmas painful. But scripture tells us man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. And what is at the heart of your Christmas? If your Christmas only feels magical when it looks impressive, when it is that highlight reel, that curated faith, then the world. Now Jesus has become your audience. And that is the gentle truth. And so I encourage you to take a fast from scrolling. Maybe this is a time where you just need to take a fast from social media during the holidays. If seeing those people with relationships with their parents while you're estranged is difficult, seeing people give extravagant gifts to their family while your finances are tight, or seeing families that are together when your children won't be together. Maybe it's a time to just give that to the Lord and say, you know what? I'm going to fast from social media on that because it's not edifying me, it's not bringing forth the fruits of the spirit. Maybe just fast from scrolling and instead feast on Scripture. Just instead of all that time that you spent on your phone, just spend that time reading an advent book, reading scripture, reading a Bible. You can find so many resources to read edifying things, listen to edifying content, and that will help you to replace comparison with confession and replace envy with gratitude. And just choose, ah, this, early in December, that your phone is not going to shape your joy, it's not going to shape your holidays. Because here's the thing. God is not grading your Christmas. He is not coming with a checklist. Jesus came in a manger and he went to the cross. God is not impressed with the extravagant Christmas that you put on. He's not disappointed in the laid back Christmas that you're having this year. God is simply present in all of it. And our kids do not need a more magical Christmas. They need a more miraculous Christmas. And the greatest miracle of all time was Jesus coming to earth. And so you are not behind, you are not late, you are not failing. You can simply choose to be faithful in the moment with whatever circumstance God has given you this Christmas. We all think, I think, especially moms think this. We want to give our kids the perfect Christmas, but God has already given them the perfect Christmas. And there's nothing that we can do that is going to supersede the gift of that. And for us to try to overshine that is only going to lead to our disappointment. And theirs. We have got to refocus to faithfulness. And it means showing up even when you're tired, loving your kids, nowhere near your best, but doing the best with what God has for you. Just showing up, in that season. And sometimes when we really start to lose our joy, when we start to lose our hope at Christmas, it's because we have over committed ourselves. And sometimes the holiest word that you can say in all of December is simply the word no. And I encourage you to really think about that. We've got a couple of weeks still here before Christmas. Give your family the gift of no. Just if there's something that can go, if there's something you feel obligated to go to, if there's something that really your family's just too busy to do, your family really can't afford to do, you just would really rather stay at home and have hot chocolate and watch a movie together. Give your family the gift of no. Because when we over commit ourselves, it leads to this spiral where we feel stressed, we feel anxious, we start to feel tense, we start to feel like we have to do all these things. We become mentally, physically, emotionally absent from our families because we're thinking about this to do list. Then we start to build up this resentment because I think I'm doing all of this and you're not even appreciating it. Anybody ever feel that or is that just me? And then all of a sudden you're snapping at your kids, you're losing it on Christmas. Just say no. Over commitment is a thief of joy. Exhaustion dulls our affection. But boundaries can protect the joy of Christmas. And so sometimes when you are feeling over committed, you're feeling over scheduled, you're feeling over pressured, just ask yourself, okay, is God asking this of me or is this something that people are asking of me? And say, did I bring this on myself? Did I over commit my time? Did I over commit my finances? And if you did, then just say, I'm so sorry. I over committed. I can no longer do this. I cannot do this.

Cancel what doesn't serve your soul this Christmas

Sometimes you need to do that because you have to think. Is this producing joy and hope in your Christmas or is it just pressure? Are you serving from overflow or from emptiness? But you do not owe anyone an explanation or your exhaustion. Sometimes just as simple, no, we're not available to do that. No, we're not going to do that this year. No, I'm not able to do that this year. Thank you so much for asking. Sometimes that can be really, really powerful. Cancel what doesn't serve your soul. Create some white space on your calendar and just let something go. one thing that I like to do is ask my kids, what is the one non negotiable holiday tradition that you want to make sure that we do? Whether that's driving around in the car and looking at lights or watching a certain movie or playing a certain game. What is that? Everybody gets to pick one and I make sure we do those things. But everything else is negotiable and it's okay. And I've embraced the phrase, you know what? We'll do that maybe next year. That's a not for this year thing. And that is all right. Because the truth is, your family, especially your children, they crave your presence more than anything. They're going to forget the wrapping paper. You. You don't remember everything you got when you were probably 10, 11, or 12 years old. You probably can't recall every Christmas gift you ever got. But you will remember laughter in a chaotic moment or faithfulness that you saw in faith. Or you may remember a sacrificial gift, something really special. Kids are not going to forget you and your presence. You don't need to manufacture joy through stuff. We're already carrying it. Children want our, warmth. They want our attention. They want connection. They want to feel emotionally safe. They don't want more stuff. Even if they say they want more stuff. Even if you think, no, my kid doesn't want to spend time with me, I can't get their face out of that. They can't get their face out of their phone to talk to me. Know that they really do want that. And sometimes it just takes a minute to disconnect from that world of overstimulation, from our, brain. Brains being hyper stimulated but being online all the time. And the miracle of Christmas is right here.

Another thing I see at Christmas that I really want to encourage is nostalgia

Another thing I see at Christmas that I really want to encourage you not to let steal your hope and joy is nostalgia. Nostalgia is a really beautiful thing. It's very sweet. I am a very sentimental, nostalgic person myself. But here's one thing that's really important to think about as your family gathers around. Sometimes you can be in a season of struggle. Maybe it's a season of relationship struggle. Maybe it's a season of developmental struggle. Make sure that you don't love who your kids used to be more than who they are becoming. Many times when I see extended family gatherings get together, I see parents who give the message that, oh, the best times of my life were when you were young. And now it's just, you know, sad and quiet and you know that that was really the good time. And you can think of that and mean that with just the best intent and the best heart that you have. But your kids think, okay, don't you love who I am now? And I think we need to embrace every stage that we're in. That's one of the habits that we had, was embracing every stage of life and constantly giving our kids the message that the best is yet to come, the best is yet to be. Because the best is going to be the return of Christ. And that's, living together forever with Jesus. That is the best. And we know that the best is yet to be. And sometimes when we long for the ways that things used to be in the past, it blinds us to the grace that we're getting to today. And wonder and magic didn't leave your home. And sometimes you see that through those flannel footed pajama pictures or the hot chocolate mustaches, or maybe it was the Polar Express and you think, oh, I wish for those days. Those days were a gift. But these days are a gift, too. And God can use whatever circumstance that you are in. God can speak into any chaos, into any relational brokenness. There is always hope. There is always, always hope. And maybe God is just growing and refining your family in this, in this season. And what you see as your kids get older is deeper conversations. You see growing faith, you see maturity. You see increasing humor, perspective. And the miracle isn't that our children are growing older. The miracle is that our families, we have such a gift on this earth, such a gift of life with our families. Life is such, a breath. It is a whisper. It is a gift to be stewarded. And we can steward this Christmas well by everything that we do. You can make a decision right now that everything that you do for Christmas will point your family back to the true meaning of Christmas. Whether that's in the attitude that you have and the cookies that you bake and the gifts that you purchase and wrap under the tree, you can make a conscious decision that to the best of your ability, you will steward this Christmas to show your family the light and life of Christ. Because that miracle of Christmas is not in perfectly wrapped packages. It is in a perfectly given Savior. We know from John 1:14, the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us, and we'd have seen his glory. God didn't come to decorate your December. He came to redeem your life. So I ask you this Christmas to give yourself the gift of grace. Just let go of the things that don't matter. That's a holiday survival guide. Hold tight to what does when you fall, when you fail, when you lose your joy. And you will at certain moments, just have an attitude check right then. And to demonstrate to your family, looking back for Jesus, you don't have to be everything. God already was everything and will be now. Listen, when we come back, I'm going to share some ideas, especially for the teenagers in your life. You may be wondering, what should I get them? Their Christmas list is so expensive. I'm going to have some real budget, friendly relationship building ideas for gifts for these kids that seem so hard to buy for. And I'll, have ideas for gifts for others. We'll be right back.

The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts

Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee: We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, Senior Vice president of the American Family Association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington D.C. america's corporate boardrooms. And the list goes on. At American Family association, we're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family. And we recognize it's an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful to pray for this ministry, to give financially and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.

Best Part by Maverick City Music feat. Naomi Raine & Chandle: Wrapped in peace, tied with love. with his first breath he rescued us. Endless joy to the world. Lasting love. So undeserved What a gift we have in Jesus. unending joy, amazing love. this we know you're still the reason, end of everything. Jesus, you're the best part.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is the Best Part by Maverick City Music featuring Naomi Raine and Chandler Moore.

On the first Friday of Advent, we are talking about finding hope this Christmas

And on this Friday, this first Friday of the Christmas season, the first Friday of Advent, we are talking about finding hope. And I hope that wherever you are, that God will meet you. I know that God is Emmanuel. God with us. That God sent his son to a manger and he sent him for you and for me. And he sent him to take on the sins of the world. And if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus raised from the dead, you will be saved. And I pray that you will find the hope of salvation this Christmas. I really pray and hope that. And as you are starting to get into the Christmas season. And we have Christmas approaching. We need to remember the real reason for the season. And I know as we get closer, a lot of pressure comes on what that Christmas morning is going to look like. But we need to remember that Christmas is about the miracle in the manger. It's not about those presents under the tree. And it is totally okay if you don't have the financial means to give to your family. That is okay. God will bless it. And God will use the things that you do have which are so immeasurable, the gifts that we can give from the human spirit and the human soul and creativity and ingenuity.

I'm going to give you 10 budget friendly ideas for teenagers for Christmas

And that's something I wanted to talk about. It's a question I get a lot about what can we get? What should we get teens for Christmas? Because when you look at teen wish lists, especially Gen Alpha, coming up behind Gen Z, their wish lists are getting quite expensive. And I've talked before about how I've gotten up on a soapbox, to be honest, about how we give kids too much too soon, too often. And I think it's good for kids to have to wait for some things, to have to work for some things. But I want to give you some 10 ideas for things that cost either nothing or almost nothing. I'm going to give you 10 budget friendly ideas for teenagers that I promise you they will really, really love. So here's 10 ideas. Are you ready? Number one, if you are parents with teenagers in your home or you are hosting teenagers, an extended family over the home, give them permission to sleep in late with zero guilt. They don't have to get up and take out the trash. They don't have to get up and walk the dog. They don't have to get up and help help prep the breakfast or whatever it is. Give them one morning, make it on a certificate, tell them permission to sleep in late with zero guilt. Sleep in as late as you want and come down for breakfast when you're ready. Doesn't cost you a thing and I promise you they'll love it. Number two, if they drive a car, if they have a car, then give them a car wash and an interior detail. You can do that again for very little or no cost, just a little cleaning supplies that you might even be able to borrow. But no matter whether they drive drive a 30 year old car, that or they have something newer, if they drive a car, give them a professional level car wash or interior detail. Number three, give them a chore holiday. You can wrap this up, you can put it under the Tree and give it to them even once a month that they can just give you that coupon and say, today is my chore holiday. I don't want to do my chores today. Doesn't cost you anything. They will love it, I promise you. Number four. Four, give them the gift of time. Ask them what would you ask me to do if you knew that I would say yes and give them that time and then say, okay, give them, here's a certificate to do something that they enjoy doing. Maybe that is playing video games. Maybe that is some kind of sport. Whatever it is, give them that time and say, I'll do that with you. I'll go running with you even if I hate running. Do something that they want to do. Engage in their interest. You can also, number five, give them a certificate to give to you. Now this one, this one, hold on. Because this one is very brave. It requires you to be extremely brave. And I know you're going to say, oh, no, I couldn't do that and there's no way my kid would want that. Let me just give this to you and tell you this is something that I've heard from teens all over everywhere. They want a coupon that says you have to stay off your phone for the whole day. And they can give you that coupon any day and you have to be phone free for that day. Now, are you brave enough to do that? I'm, telling you it doesn't cost you anything except for maybe your mental sanity and thinking, but how will I live without my phone? Well, there are plenty of people still living who still live without phones and who know how to live without phones. I know my kids talk about that with their grandparents. They can't believe that they might go on a walk in the neighborhood without a phone. You can survive without a phone and there may need to be some caveat around that, but do everything you can just say, okay, whatever day that is, I am all yours for the day. I will not pick up my phone once. You might be really surprised at what happens. Might be a great adventure. Number six, tell them you'll host a Christmas party for their friends. Now this can be very low budget. You don't have to do anything special. You can tell each each kid to bring a snack with them when they come so that it wouldn't cost you much. But just host a friend night and help them to do something fun. Maybe they'll just watch a movie, maybe you'll have hot chocolate. Maybe they'll play games, maybe they'll just hang Out. But tell them you would love to host a Christmas friend night where they can bring their friends over. That would be a great gift. Especially in that week between Christmas and NewSong Year's when they're missing their friends and wanting to be around. Tell them you can can host a host to get together here. Number seven, give them a coupon for an unlimited binge watch day that you won't gripe at them for being on their phone. They can just be on their phone all day for one day and whatever that day is that they choose. Number eight, write them a letter of affirmation. Now the, the caveat to this is has to be given without expecting anything in return and give it to them in a place where they can read it in private. And they're pressure to give you a reaction like oh thanks mom. This is the best thing I've ever written. This is changing my life. Just give them words of affirmation. I promise you kids listen to what their parents say about them and words that you think, of course they know I love them. Of course they know I think this of them. They don't. Their insecurity can rage at those age. So give them a letter of affirmation. Number nine, I've actually done this for my kids and it was a huge hit. If you have relationships with their friends, ask their friends to answer a question about what do you like best about our friendship or what do you like best about my child? And then make a collage putting those quotes together for them. Put their the friend's picture and what they said about them. This is the best thing about our friendship. And give them that collage. It's really impactful to see what they say, their friends saying about them. And when they have a bad day and they come home to their room, they see that that picture that can be really, really encouraging. And then number 10, tell them that you'll give them a yes day. I know there's been lots said about this. It may need to have a budget involved but just yes, we'll do everything. But this is the budget for the yes day. That's the only restriction on that. And sometimes it can be no budget. But I'll just, I'll just say yes to anything that you say. Those are 10 ideas that cost little or nothing that I promise you teens would really, really love.

Think about an experience based gift that doesn't have to be very expensive

Now if you have a budget that you think okay, well you know what, I have a little budget, what can I do? I would encourage you to really think about an experience based gift and it doesn't have to be very expensive. You can have a really low budget or if you have a bigger budget, that's great too. Some ideas for shared time would be giving them a gift card with the promise of quality time. So saying we, here's a gift card to a restaurant, here's a gift card to event. Here's something where we're going to go together that can be really helpful. Or if you don't know what to get or you think they always return what you get, get them a series of gift cards and say we're going to go to these stores on this day and I'll follow you around and we'll spend your gift cards. You might get tickets to an event that you attend together. Maybe it's a sporting event, maybe it's a local community theater. Maybe it's something, just something that you're going to attend together. You can get them the tip tickets. You can get a movie night. So have a movie night. Go get those boxes of candy like you get at the movie theater. Except you can go and get them at the dollar store and save a lot of money and have popcorn and have soda and set up movie for a movie night. You can maybe even do it outside if you're able to do that. That would be really fun. Think about taking a class with your kid or with your family member. There's so many interesting classes and, and experiences. You could do cooking or pottery or yoga, photography, dance, maybe even axe throwing. the nurse in me has some, some concerns about that. But hey, you investigate and do what you think is safe and right for your family. Make sure you read those waivers. Maybe you have a gift that you can give as a book club or a movie club that once a month you'll watch a certain movie together. Maybe you even have a themed dinner or costumes with it or with a book. That would be really fun to do. Another idea is a this or that experience. So you can give an envelope with two experiences that they get to choose this or that. You can maybe have two cities on it and it can be cities that are close or cities where you have family. You can make it budget friendly so that you can stay somewhere, maybe it's a day trip city. We can go to this city or that city for the day. We can go to this concert or this concert. We can go to this beach or this beach, this park or this park and then let them choose which one and help to construct the experience. That's really, really helpful. And again, you probably won't remember every gift from when you were 12. But you will remember that moment, that sacrifice, that word of affirmation, that laughter that you had in the chaos, that moment of being seen.

The average American family is expected to spend $875 on Christmas

But time is the greatest gift gift that we can give our family. It really truly is. And we all know the real meaning of Christmas. but it doesn't immediately solve those commercial pressures that we feel to bless others, especially our families. Did you know the average American family is expected to spend $875 on Christmas? That is wild. But the majority goes towards gifts and for friends and families. And with today's economic pressures, many families are feeling the stress of those extra expenses for the holidays. But I want you to rest assured that Merry Christmases are not created by material means, but by meaningful memories. Holiday and financial time stressors, those are the two big titans that can cause anxiety and jealousy and resentment when you find yourself struggling to keep up with the Joneses. And when you look at that, it usually goes back to I don't have enough money or I don't have enough enough time. And you see those social media scrolls, the families at the Christmas tree farm searching for the perfect tree. Or you see the Christmas home decor that rivals five star hotels. Or the family ski trips with everyone sipping cocoa as the sun sets across the snow topped cabin. Now I'm not condemning these over the top experiences or even sharing them on social media. Some people are gifted with wealth, some people are gifted with creativity. Social media gives us this viewing window of the expression of those gifts. And people with enviable material means might look longingly at families who have far less by the world's standard, yet somehow seem to have far closer relationships and happiness in their home. The point here again, comparison is the thief of joy. And when we shift our gaze from the manger, our heart starts to wander too. And it nurtures that discontent and insecurity. No one is immune to the prism of perfection that is projected through those curated filtered social media feeds showcasing the best of moments and holiday traditions. But one of the best aspects of family traditions is uniqueness. Some traditions are downright nonsensical or out of pocket, as Gen Z would say. But that's what makes them fun and that's what bonds your family together.

Release yourself from the pressure of delivering a picture perfect Christmas

So when you start feeling that holiday stress, stop and ask yourself, is the stress self induced? Did I do this to myself? Am I struggling to meet a standard that no one else cares about but me? If so, be honest with yourself. Just let it go. Simply say no. Just like I talked about, release yourself from the pressure of delivering a picture perfect Christmas Lift your eyes from the tiny blue lighted rectangle peephole that we all stare at all day into a misguided world that's often an illusion. Shift your gaze to living, breathing humans that God gifted to you. They value and desire your presence much more than your presence, than your gifts. Don't twist yourself into a holiday pretzel worrying about spending your time, about spending your money while you lavishly waste your time without a second thought. We have to steward Christmas. It is totally okay if you don't get a picture and matching outfits, or if you spend too much on lavish social media worthy activities or every moment's polished, perfectly orchestrated. It's okay if you don't have money for gifts. It's okay if you don't go anywhere special. Your family can still have the best Christmas ever. You can decide right now to be intentional and making memory investments that point your family to the eternal hope in Jesus. Don't race past that miracle. Don't chase perfect. Don't measure your worth by your Christmas. Christmas is found in Emmanuel and God with us in your messy house, your complex family, your worn out heart. God didn't wait for perfection to arrive. He's arrived already, right in the middle of your imperfection. Give a Savior a future, a real reason to hope. Hope has a name and his name is Jesus. I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you this Christmas season.

Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

It's Ask Dr. Nurse Mama Friday! Jessica shares a survival guide for surviving Christmas. She also introduces this week's healthy habit for the first week of Advent: finding Hope.

Rx for Hope: Find Hope in Emmanuel, God with Us