Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing hope for healthy families. And I'm so happy to be here with you. I have an interesting fact for you today. Today is July 2nd, and I heard today that we're more than, officially halfway through the year. I know I angered some of you by mentioning that we're closer to Christmas than we were away from it. I know. I can't help it. I really, really am a Christmas enthusiast. But here is a fact for those of you who are the after Thanksgiving adherence, I learned today and that we are officially closer to 2050 than we are to 2000. And that is a little bit of a terrifying thought, but here we are just going through the generations, and we are looking at prescribing hope for healthy families in all of those generations. So if you feel like that decade, this. What is it, half of a century, is going by fast. You are not alone. But listen, it is in the everyday decisions that we make that make our family's healthy. And we're here to give you hope for that. And so don't let life pass you by without grabbing on to the lesson that God has for you today. And today we've got a, big dose of hope for you. We're talking about caregiving today. Now, this is a tough topic, but there are a lot of people who are caregivers in some sense of the word. We've got caregiving for little children at home. We've got caregiving for elderly parents, for family members or loved ones with disabilities. We've got a lot of people who are in a caregiving situation. And we're going to talk today to someone who knows that life very well. We're talking to Jessica Ronne She goes by Jess. We have two Jessica's here. Jessica talking to Jessica. But it will be Jessica talking to Jess. So just so we get that straight there, and she has devoted most of her life to caregiving. She understands what it's like to walk that road. She understands the sacrifices and the rewards that. But through her journey, she has experienced God's grace, fulfillment, and blessing. Listen, she was the oldest of 11 siblings. She was responsible for their care. And then she just continued to experience some really difficult things in her life that we'll talk about. She's the Author of a new book called Caregiving With Grit and Grace, A, mom discovers meaning, strength, and gratitude as a caregiver. And we know gratitude is so powerful. It's a biblical mandate. I call it vitamin G because it is so, good for your health. And this conversation is going to be good for your soul today. Jess, welcome to the show. We're so glad to have you here with us today.

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, it's my pleasure. Thanks for having me.

This book is for caregivers, really, in any capacity

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Jess, let's talk about your journey as a, as a book, as an author writing this book. Because what I discover over and over is that when God calls you to write a book, it's usually because you have walked through a tough place, you've walked through a valley, you have lived through an experience where God has been faithful. So let's talk about who is this book for, and how did you find yourself as an author here to write it?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah. This book is for caregivers, really, in any capacity. caregivers of children who have disabilities, like my son Lucas, those caring for a spouse or an elderly parent, even mothers and grandmothers caring for children and grandchildren or teachers, like anybody who feels like they care for other people in some capacity, I believe will be, encouraged through this book.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And what inspired you to write it? How did you get to the point where you thought, okay, this is time for me to write these words down and to share what you'd learned from your story?

>> Jessica Ronne: you know, my husband, he actually encouraged me to write a devotional book for caregivers for years. And I was very hesitant. I just thought, I don't know. That seems like it's so out of my realm. It seems like you have to be sort of this perfect person to write this devotional. And Lord knows I struggle a lot and I need a lot of grace. And, he just kept saying, no, that's why you're the perfect person to write this book. You're. You're honest, you're truthful, and you'll just put it out there in the ways that the Lord has, you know, brought you encouragement and hope through all of these different circumstances. And so I finally put a proposal together, sent it over to my agent, who sent it to a publisher who loved it. And so for me, it was kind of God's stamp of approval, like, yes, I want you to do this. And, you know, remarkably, it just flowed out of me. It took about six months. It was the fastest book I've ever written. It was just the Holy Spirit through me. I was his Tool and they are the Lord's word. So, it was just a really incredible experience.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I don't know why we as believers are like that. God gives us a message and we feel like, oh, but we, we all of a sudden become Moses. Oh, I'm slow of speech, I'm slow of tongue. I can't do this. Not me, somebody else. But God equips us perfectly to give that message. And it's through our weaknesses that Christ is made strong. It's through our, through our struggles that the glory of God shines through. And even though some things seem like they are not for our good, God is always going to use what is in our lives for our good and for his glory. Even when it seems like that's so impossible. I hold on a lot of times just to Psalm 84:11. The Lord God is a son and a shield. He gives grace and glory. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. And so sometimes it can seem like those things are, are, are not good. And sometimes you're not sure. Now you are. I said in the introduction, you're the oldest of 11 siblings. Talk about that period in your life. And how do you look back now and you see that God used that to, ah, nurture the heart of a caregiver. Or how did God use that period in your life to face the challenges that you would face in the future?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, you know, I have been able to look back and sort of process that over the past year or two, and recognize that even as a two year old little girl, my mom gave birth to twins right after me. And so there are all these Pictures of little 2 year old Jessica, you know, helping with the babies, you know, giving them the bottles and holding them. And then she just, you know, continued to have children like every two years. And then they ended up adopting, four children as well. I was actually the oldest of, and so just recognizing, I guess I have been in this caregiver capacity my whole life. And what, and what, how the Lord has used that role to even shape me now as a mom of so many children, a role that I never expected, and has given so much grace and so much preparation from the time that I was a little girl.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And then you certainly didn't expect to be a caregiver to your husband when he was young. In 2010, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And I'm sure that that was just absolutely devastating. How did God change your journey in that stage? What take us to that and what that journey felt.

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, that was, that was very challenging because I, at that point had three young children. one with profound disabilities, Lucas and Jason, my husband, started having all of these health problems and he just kept going to specialist after specialist and they just kept diagnosing him with type one diabetes. And we were like, something is not adding up. And then one night he passed out at home and was rushed to the local ER where they discovered a baseball sized brain tumor. he went on to fight cancer for three years and ended up passing away August 24, 2010. So he was actually diagnosed in 2007. and, you know, during that period, I was just really angry, if I'm going to be completely honest. After having gone through so many brain surgeries with my son Lucas, and then numerous brain surgeries with my husband Jason, I just felt abandoned by God, honestly. And really raged and w. And lamented and didn't even really reach a point of surrender until a couple of weeks before Jason passed away. When I just dropped to my knees and I said, I don't understand why you've brought me through such a hard path at 33 years old, but I will trust you. and it was a declaration moment, really. I will trust that you can turn these ashes into something beautiful. And he ended up passing away a couple weeks later. but it was that moment of submitting to God's will, whatever it may be. And I truly believe it was that moment that then propelled me into the next stage of my life that the Lord had already predetermined was waiting for me.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I can completely empathize it, in. In feeling that you would feel like, this is so unfair. I mean, looking at. You had spent your whole childhood as a caregiver. You have a child with profound special needs. And then your husband, in the prime of his life, when you're supposed to be young and healthy and strong, faces this horrific illness and then loses his life to that. I mean, just, I think anyone would look from the outside and say, yeah, I can see how you were bitter. And maybe they're thinking, I can't see how you came to that point of surrender.

The title of your book is Caregiving with Grit and Grace

But it really resonates with me that the title of your book is Caregiving with Grit and Grace. And those two things together, that's actually the two words that I use to describe my granny. because there is a strength, and that gritty strength is really important. But having grace together, how did you come up with those? What do you. Where do you see grit and grace being part of that journey of surrender to your mission field as a caregiver.

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, the grit part always has come very easily to me. that's where the, I think the firstborn, gets yourself out of the wallowing pit. Like, let's figure this out. I'm definitely a problem solver. and it's the grace part that has been a much more challenging concept for me throughout my life. That's the humility. That's the surrender into Christ's path for me. and I, I always get there eventually, but it, it usually takes a while and I usually take the hardest route possible to get there. and so just recognizing how those two concepts have played out in all of my caregiving experiences. And you really do. Like you said, you need both. You need that grit. You need to, not wallow in, in victimhood. You need to trust that the Lord will sustain you and get you through. But then you need that grace element as well. The humility and the surrender and the, you know, open hands that say, I don't understand this, but you are God and I am not blessed to be the name of the Lord. and that's really what it has always boiled down to for me. You are God and I am not the end. And that's, that's kind of how I continue to live my life.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I. Well, I can relate. I'm, I'm not the oldest of 12. I'm the oldest of five, but that oldest. You're so right. I have that grit. And I think, okay, I can figure this out. I can do whatever I need to do to survive in the moment. But there comes to a certain point where you come to the end of yourself and you realize there are things that are painfully beyond your control. And coming to that point of grace exactly like you just described, that is. That's really, really hard. And Jess, I mean, I'm just thinking here you are now a widow with four children. You know, when your husband passes away, one of them who has profound needs. How did you cope? What did your support system look like?

>> Jessica Ronne: yeah, I had the four kids under seven or seven and under. and Lucas was profoundly disabled. And ah, a baby. Ah, we. We got pregnant in the middle of Jason's cancer treatments. and Jason passed away one month before our youngest turned one years old. So, I had a lot of help. I really did. I did not cook a meal for probably a year. I would go to my mailbox almost daily and there would be cards of encouragement or gift cards or checks. people Would show up and take care of my yard, my house, cleaning, my laundry. I mean, people were just overwhelmed with support and grief. I think for this young family that had been through so much. and I can imagine if I were to see another family walking something similar. You're just, your heart breaks for that sort of situation. It's, it's too much. but I really had just massive communities hold me up during that period of time for the most part. And I say for the most part because most people were very willing to help with my three typical children. But there was always a hesitation when it came to helping with Lucas.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: let me hold you right there, Jess. I want to hear more about that. We're up against our first break, but that is a really important part of this journey because that reflects the reality of your situation and the barrier that maybe people felt for making it easier to step into your situation. And you talk about a surrendered Hallelujah in this book that there comes a point in the caregiving journey when we have to make a choice. We have so much more to talk about with Jessica Roney. Ronnie. We'll be right back after this break.

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>> Look What You've Done by Tasha Layton: Look what you've done. How could you fall so far? You should be ashamed of yourself. So I was ashamed of my myself. The lies I believed they got some roots that run deep. I let them take a hold of my life I let them take control of my life. Standing in your presence, lord, I can feel you digging all the roots up I feel you healing all my wounds up. All I can say is hallelujah. Look what you've done look what you've done in me. You spoke your truth into the lies I let my heart believe. Look at me now look how you made me new. The enemy did everything that he could do. Oh, but look what you've done.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's, Look what you've done by Tasha Layton. And today we're looking at what God has done in the life of Jessica Ronne She is the author of a book called Caregiving. With grit and grace, a mom discovers meaning, strength, and gratitude as a caregiver. And if you've been listening to Jessica's story, she started off as the oldest with 11 siblings. The oldest of 12, she was a caregiver from the time she was 2 when her mom had twins. She became a caregiver when she had a son with profound special needs. She's a mom of four and then in caring for her husband in his battle with brain cancer before he passed away. And one of the quotes from Jessica's book is something she was talking about, and it's a surrendered hallelujah. And she says there comes a point in the caregiving journey when we have to make a choice. We either bow our will and holy acknowledgment that God is God and we are not and blessed be his name, or we grow bitter and resentful, thankful if we bow in reverence to his sovereignty. It is within our surrender that the Holy Spirit rushes in to fill us with peace. And we receive a peace that surpasses understanding when we acknowledge our limited understanding and accept his ultimate will, even unto, death. Now, those are easy words to read. I'm sure they were not easy words to write. This is not an easy journey. And it is always so encouraging to me to see someone who has experienced hardship and still stands and says, as Jess has already said, blessed be his name. And just before the break, we were talking about the immediate aftermath of your husband's death. Here you are a, ah, young mom, four children. And you said that it was that some people would step in. It was easy for them to care for your three children who didn't have special needs. But it not so for Lucas. So I'll let you pick it up from there. I want to talk some more about that.

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, we always had a lot of, offers of help for our three typical children, but Lucas, who has profound disabilities, it's always been a bit more challenging. When he was younger and still adorable, we did have a handful of people who step in and offer to babysit or help care for him because I think, you know, if you have a 5, 6, 7 year old in diapers who's non verbal that's not such a big deal. But when that child becomes, you know, 15, 16, 17, 18, and is still nonverbal and still incontinent and is now screaming, and becoming aggressive, and there are behavioral challenges, nobody wants to step into that situation anymore. And then life just becomes very isolated, and depressing and very challenging. And that's eventually where we found ourselves as Lucas continued to age, is, it just got very, very quiet in our world.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Jess. What. Here's my question for you in that who cares for the caregiver? Because I think about you as a caregiver, and you, you embrace that as part of your identity. You just somewhat. You. You had accepted that, especially with Lucas. You knew that Lucas was exactly how God intended him to be, and that was going to be part of your journey. But I think about you as a caregiver, thinking about your children, thinking about your husband, thinking about their comfort, anticipating their needs, trying to be there for them. And whatever they may need physically, whether that's diaper changing as you just described, or whether that's pain medicine or preparing a meal or transporting them to an appointment, or the millions of things really, that we could go through, what caregivers do, because you're always thinking about that person and what do I need to do? And anticipating and scheduling those needs in your head. But there has to come a time where you think, okay, it's not easy for someone to step in my shoes. It may be impossible. Who cares for you? Did you ever feel like that? Just feel alone? And where do you find the caregiver for the caregiver?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, that. That's exactly how I felt. And that led to the nonprofit that I started, the Lucas Project. Our mission is to provide care for caregivers of children with disabilities. it led to the documentary we created, the caregiver document, unseen how we're failing parent caregivers and why it matters. it's led to, like, every single thing that has come out of Lucas. Going through that very challenging stage of life when he began to go through puberty and nobody would step in. And my husband ended up. My, My new husband, Ryan, ended up in ER twice with panic attacks that resembled heart attacks because we were just desperate for some help. And we couldn't find a church that would help with Luke. We couldn't find a non profit. We couldn't find anybody who would even stay with him for a couple of hours so we could go on a date. And it was like, we need to do something about this. And I'D always promised Lucas that I would start a non profit in his honor. Always kind of thinking it would help children like him. And when we were just floundering so much, I thought, you know what? We need to start a nonprofit that helps the caregivers of children with special needs, because nobody sees these people, and the child is only as healthy as the caregiver. And we all gasp in horror when we see these, stories on the news about these parents finally just, you know, losing it and taking matters into their own hands. But I have to question and wonder, like, how long were they living in such an isolated, challenging situation with no help where it got to that point? And if they could have had some consistent help, could we have avoided this horrific scenario? So that's been my mission, for about eight years now, is bringing that spotlight to the caregiver and how desperately caregivers need support.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Jess, you just brought back a memory for me. I've been teaching pediatric nursing and a university level for about 20 years now. And as such, pediatric nurses have clinical experiences. And usually we take them to a hospital and they take care of kids in a hospital. But I was really a proponent of, hey, we need to take care of kids in situations where they are. And I'm very big on camp. And so I started a partnership with, several special needs camps, camps for kids with special needs. And there was some resistance to this at first, thinking, is this really a nursing experience? And, you know, there's just kind of some push and pull there. But my students eventually went to the special needs camp. And, Jess, I will tell you that. And the thousands, literally thousands of students that I have shepherded through clinical. I have never seen a pediatric nursing student have as much profound an experience as being a caregiver at a camp for kids with special needs. By the end of the week, they have come to the ends of themselves. And I remember the very first group. This is the memory that you brought back. I remember one of my students just sitting, weeping. And I said, what is it that's prompting you to weep? And she said, I just can't imagine the sacrifice that this child's mother has made. I get to go home. I did this for seven days, but. And I am exhausted. I am. I have just every bit of emotional energy, every bit of physical energy. You're up at night, you're constantly worried. You're managing their equipment. It's difficult to transfer all of those things. And they said, I just. It changed their. Oh, gives me goosebumps. It just Changed their perspective forever. And I think that in spite of all of that, yes, you need. You need that caregiver, that respite, care, caregiving. But there was, a, point where even in your pregnancy with Lucas, looking back, you've talked about how you're still at peace with how God made him. How do you look back now at the arc of his life and balance all of those, emotions, all of those things that seem to be that push and pull, that force, and you. Where do you come to it? In the middle of it, with grace and grit to be able to surrender to that?

>> Jessica Ronne: That's a big question. yeah, because I can look back now. He's 20 now. He'll. He'll be turning 21 this August. And, we spent the past couple of years creating a home for him. And we moved him into this home about a year and a half ago with three other disabled individuals. And our goal is to hopefully create more of these homes for families to move their loved ones in, into as well in the future. and so I've had a lot of time to reflect on that, type of question over the past year and a half, because I'm not his primary caregiver anymore. and I actually wrote this book while we were creating this home for him. And it was like God was just downloading this love letter into my soul, you know, reassuring me that it was going to be okay and we were doing the right thing for Lucas and for our family. And in turn, it kind of became this love letter for the whole world. So maybe not the whole world, but whoever reads it. So I, I guess I just. I have a piece. The Lord has given me just a certain strength to be able to do everything that I did for 18, 19 years. All the things in all the hardships, all the, all the things that I created, the non profit in the film and the books, and raising Lucas and raising my other children. And there was a grace, I believe, because every day I would surrender and invite the Father, Son and Holy Spirit into my life. And I would say, I give you this day. please give me mana for the moment, strength for the moment.

Jess says she lives with a view of eternity in mind

I. I lived that way. And I believe there was grace in living that way. And there was sustenance and strength. And so now as I've been able to reflect in this past year and a half, I've been really tired because I think I. I just went so hard for so long. but I see like the goodness of, of the Lord. I see that through Lucas's life. Lucas is the most humble human being you'll ever meet. he doesn't care if anybody ever knows his name. And we have two films, one that was on ABC this past year that talk about his story in books and a nonprofit named after him and a group home. And all these things that came from me being Lucas's mom that would never exist in this world to help other people. And so I just very much live with a view of eternity in mind. And I. I'm in this world, but not, of this world. And I. I know that everything that I've walked through and that, Lucas has been through has been for God's glory. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Lucas will be completely healed and whole in heaven someday, just as I will be and his. His birth dad will be. And this life is short, and I think we just. We have to take what the Lord puts in front of us, and we either move forward in his strength and we surrender our wills, or, like I said before, we wallow in victimhood and we become bitter. Those are the two choices. and I hope and pray that I enter heaven one day and just hear those words. Well done, good and faithful servant. I hope that I eked out every single thing that the Lord wanted me to do here on earth. and, yeah, Jess answer your question.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes. Oh, my goodness. I mean, I think it all goes. It keeps going back to the title of this book, Grace and Grit. It just feels like a push and a pull because you're so right. There are people who could look from the outside and who could say, how could you believe in a God who would give you this son with. With, you know, these special needs? How could you believe in a God who would take your husband and who would not answer your prayers for healing? But I think, how could we not believe in a God? How could we believe in a world where this is all that there is? Whatever the best that we can make of it here on this earth is the best there is. I don't want to believe that. I want to believe that the best is yet to come, and that we serve a God who restores and renews and heals.

Jessica Ronne prayed for healing for both her son and first husband

And I know you prayed for healing for both your son and for your first husband. And what did you come to understand when you realized that healing wouldn't happen? But it really wasn't that they wouldn't be healed. They wouldn't be healed this side of heaven. How did. What was that journey like, that part of the Journey.

>> Jessica Ronne: That was the hard part of the journey. ultimately realizing that the experiences were more about healing me. healing me of my preconceived ideas of speak it and believe it and you shall have exactly what you want. like God wasn't a magician who was going to give me exactly what I wanted. and healing me of pride, my ego, and thinking that I could fix either my husband or my son. I spent years and naturopathic health stores and all the supplements and all the things thinking that somehow in my power, I could give my son or my husband exactly what they needed to become well again. and then understanding too, that Jason received the best healing that God can give his children. He received complete and perfect healing in heaven. Jason is fine. It's us, who are still here on earth that struggle with the healing that God gave Jason. Jason's not struggling with that healing at all. And then Lucas, he. He just lives in Lucas world. He is completely content with his praise, baby videos, singing to God and his jumbled little Lucas voice. no pride. He probably is happier than most of us because he doesn't have the stresses and the pressure of the world, you know, sitting on his shoulder. He just is perfectly content with his videos and his music and his cake.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love it. Well, Jess, I have a lot more questions for you. Your life really kind of took a significant turn when you met a widower and you just talked about that. When we come back, we'll talk about that new family journey, blending your journey and the siblings. I've got some good questions about how your sibling, how you shepherded through your children through all of this loss, and how you are imparting that grace and grit that God is giving you into them. We'll be right back with more from Jessica Ronnie, author of Caregiving. with grit and grace, a mom discovers meaning, strength and gratitude. As a caregiver, I am really inspired and a lot convicted and and share more with you on the other side of this break.

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>> Mark Oss: When you see trash in the media, submit it to onemillionmoms.com over the years, one Million Moms and our partners have improved advertising choices of programmers and content seen on TV. Just like you, one million moms want to protect little eyes and ears from the trash that could hurt them. So when you see trash in the media, visit onemillionmoms.com, scroll down and look for the Submit Trash button. onemillionmoms.com when you hear this. This is American family news. You know what follows is the truth. Your news from a Christian perspective. Hundreds of Teachers, are going to have to walk into that school building and they are forced to swallow political ideology that in many cases violates their very faith and conscience. If you miss it at the top of the hour, American Family News podcasts are available at afn.net and sign up for our daily news brief at afn.net.

>> I Know A Name by Brandon Lake, Chris Brown, and Elevation Worshi: I know. A name that can silence roaring waves I know a name that can empty out a grave I know a name. It'S. The only name that saves and it's worthy of all praise I call you Jesus I call you I call you healer Risen and reigning in power Something comes out of the grave every time I call you Jesus I call you I call you Savior Worthy of glory forever. Something comes out of the grave every time I call your name.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's I Know a Name by Brandon Lake, Chris Brown, and Elevation Worship. And I know a name Today.

Jess Ronne lost her husband to brain cancer at a young age

The name we're talking to, though, is Jess Ronne She's an author, a caregiver advocate, a podcast host of Coffee with Caregivers, and she is associate producer of the documentary Unseen How We're Failing Parent Caregivers and why It Matters. She is holding nothing back and speaking truth about what the life of a caregiver is like. The grit and the grace that is required with that. Her book is called Caregiving With Grit and Grace. A mom discovers meaning, strength, and gratitude as a caregiver. And all through the show, she's been sharing her journey of reframing her narrative. Because when we view our lives and circumstances from a human perspective, we're focusing on despair or diagnosis. And Jess is someone who has certainly earned the right to do that. Having a son with profound special needs, losing her husband to brain cancer at a young age. But in her words, to develop an eternal perspective, we must reframe the narrative. And God has promised that he will bring an end to our suffering. Challenging times will not last forever. And just, you know, after your husband died, you have these four young children. I'm sure you weren't thinking about finding a husband and finding someone. Walking into your life and having three children have a blending family. What was that part of your journey like?

>> Jessica Ronne: No, I wasn't thinking about it. but my mother in law was. Jason's mom actually pulled me aside at his funeral and said, jess, I just want you to know I'm praying for your next husband. And I looked at her and I said, mom, what are you talking about? You cannot do this life alone. Jason ran his race and it's time for him to pass the baton. but she knew the four young children I had and Lucas, she just knew it was going to be a lot. and she was very correct because three months later, I happened to check my blog, which I had kept updated through Jason's three year cancer journey, just so that everybody would know what was going on and how they could help or pray for us. And, a stranger from Pennsylvania left a comment and she just said, jess, I have no idea why I'm doing this, but I feel like you should check ah, out this guy's blog. He's a young widower. His wife passed away from brain cancer four days after Jason died.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh my goodness.

>> Jessica Ronne: And so I went to his blog and just left a comment. I just said, hey, I, I know what you're going through. I'll be praying for you. And if you ever want to talk, here's my email address. And I woke up the next day to an email from him. and that led to numerous emails and phone calls. And we ended up meeting about six weeks later. And it was just love at first sight. And we were married within about six months of that comment showing up on my blog. So.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: And you know, very fast, which is, I mean, what a gift for Jason's mother to give you. Honestly, that is, that's pretty remarkable to look at that. And I'm sure that it wasn't easy because now you've got a blended family and you've got a blended family with Lucas and siblings who are adjusting to that reality and the realities of that life. And for me, Jess, as a pediatric nurse, I always see the brothers and sisters when I have kids come in that have profound special needs. I always see the siblings because sometimes just the, the logistics of the necessity of their physical needs, it just causes them to be pushed to the wayside a little bit. And sometimes that's just out of pure survival. There's nothing nefarious about that at all. And sometimes they can be bitter about their sibling having special needs, about their parents, tension being taken away from them. Sometimes they can wonder, like, why didn't God say, you know, fix this here, heal this. How did you shepherd all of those little hearts that were in your care to look at the siblings and balance their needs with the very real, very intense needs that Lucas had?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah, those beginning years were actually not that challenging. They were all so excited to now have all these built in playmates. So. And they were young. and I think that really worked in our favor as well. we weren't blending Teenagers. Our oldest was seven, and so seven under seven. So, wow.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: We.

>> Jessica Ronne: We bought this big house out in the country with 10 acres of land and, you know, swing set. And they just loved it for. For quite a while, because they were just all so excited to have playmates. And they all had this yearning for another mom and a dad and expressed it to the surviving parent, like, when are you gonna. When are we going to get a new mom or a new dad type of thing. So they had really good memories of having a mom or having a dad, and they wanted that void filled again. Ryan and I, I think, really struggled more in trying to give that attention to each child. And I know my personal struggles were. And I voiced this in one of my books. And, after having spent so many years caring for Jason and then immediately meeting Ryan and trying to bond with his three new kids, about six months into our marriage, I just broke down in tears and I said, I just really miss my kids. Because I felt like they knew I loved them. They knew I was their mom. And so I was investing so much in these new children that had entered the marriage. And I had invested so much in Jason and then invested so much in Lucas, too, that I just really missed my kids. And Ryan was like, take some time, you know, take Caleb and Mabel and Joshua and just go out and have some time together. That's fine. You know, you can do that. And then he. He would do the same with his kids. Because we realized that although we were blending, we really needed to still prioritize those birth parent relationships, for quite a while, really. and now we've been married, we're going on 15 years, so things look very different now. But, I don't even think Lucas's needs played a huge role when he was younger, because we did have a handful of people who would step in and help with Lucas. but during those teenage years, yeah, we, were all hands on deck with Lucas, and we required even a lot from his siblings, just to manage the household, to manage his behaviors, to manage his aggression. And we, we would openly communicate that with the kids often. And I think they've seen how hard we've tried to create this home for Lucas so that we can be more intentional with each of them now as they're growing up and going through life. And shockingly, none of them seem bitter at all. And in fact, it seems to have made them really remarkable people. Three of them volunteer with special needs children. One of them lives near Lucas's house. the other one stops by all the time. So, I don't see that bitterness that a lot of families do experience. I, think they've accepted that it's their story, and I think the open community communication throughout the years has really helped with that. but, yeah, it's challenging. It's always very challenging.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Jess, you said shockingly, but that doesn't seem shocking to me at all because I've just spent about half an hour talking to their mother. And it doesn't shock me at all to see the transparency that you have in sharing your faith struggles and acknowledging that this can be hard, but God can still be good. And that is just absolutely incredible.

You talked about creating a home for Lucas when he was younger

So let's talk more about what that looks like now that Lucas is older. You talked about him, creating a home for him. I'm sure that your. Your other children, his siblings, are involved in that. What does that look like? You said people have lots of questions about that, especially people in the disability community. What does that piece looked like? What have you learned from it?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah. When Luke was probably around 16 or 17, we started to consider the idea that maybe Lucas wouldn't live with us forever. When he was a little boy, I thought, you know, I'm going to take care of him forever. Nobody's ever going to convince me to put him in a home or, you know, all the things. And then as he aged and he became increasingly difficult, and I saw him lash out at his siblings, and I saw them sort of shrink away in fear, I started to come to grips with the reality that we may need to pursue a different road for him. And we looked at group homes that were available, and they just didn't feel quite right. And then we ended up moving back to Michigan from Tennessee, and my husband is a landlord. And we started contemplating the idea of maybe purchasing a home and renting it to Lucas and other disabled individuals and then getting a home health care company to come in and provide the 247 care. and we found a home, and we ended up purchasing it, and it needed complete renovation. So my husband worked on that for about a year and a half, and then it was finally a reality. We partnered with a home health care company, and it was just literally one step of faith after another. Like, we found this home, we knew that this was Lucas's home, and then just waited for the Lord to open the next door, you know, with the township allowing us to have this group home in this town that had never had a group home of this type before. And then that door was Open and just literally one step of faith after another. And he moved in, let me think, about a year and a half ago in February now, and I, as his caregiver, hit complete burnout. I went to bed and hardly moved for about two months. I realized I had been going so hard for so long. And I tell people when you sleep with a baby monitor beside your head for 18 years and wake up throughout the night to screams and have to go tend to those screens, and lifting, you know, a grown man into a bathtub, helping a grown man maneuver from place to place, feeding a grown man, dressing a grown man, and then on top of all the things that I was creating to try to make our life better, I was just done. I went to bed and, like I said, just watched mindless TV for about two months, did the bare minimum that I would have to do to keep my household running. and I'm still. I'm slowly, like, reemerging into, I guess, quote, unquote, normal life. But when you live in that world for so long, too, it does become very isolated and you kind of forget how to be like a normal human being anymore. how to go out and do things. Because we couldn't live that way. One of us would always have to stay home with Luke because he has such, massive sensory issues, and he, he just does not like new places. So he would scream, become aggressive. So we did divide and conquer for years where one of us stayed home with Luke and one of us went with the other kids. And just trying to, like, readjust now to what life looks like, like, for most people, has been definitely a transition.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, the, the thing that I'm seeing now, though, Jess, is that you're still Luke's caregiver. It's just you have a different role in that and, and having someone to come and help with those physical tasks. And I'm sure even in thinking across the lifespan and having talked with families before who've experienced this, you think, well, what is on going. Going to happen as I age? Who's going to take over my role as caregiver? What help do we need? All of those things. You're still caregiving, but just in a different way. And we're at the end of the show. My goodness. my producer's telling me in, in my ear that it's two minutes, which I just. I'm going to quote him right now saying, radio is so rude.

Jess says caring for another human being is holy work

We're going to have to cut this short, but give a last word of advice, Jess, to those parents, those caregivers who are doing what you call holy work, what do you say to them to encourage them? Maybe those who feel like they're burned out and they're discouraged?

>> Jessica Ronne: Yeah. That was the biggest game changer for me, was being able to shift my perspective and understand that Jesus came to earth to serve those like Luke. And if Jesus were here, he would be caring for Luke. He would be changing Luke's diaper. He would be lifting Luke, feeding Luke, dressing Luke, bathing Luke, all the things. And when I finally grasped that truth and understood that caring for another human being is the holiest work we can do this side of eternity, everything shifted for me. So just hold on to that truth. What you're doing is holy work.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Jess, you have just been such a source of inspiration and comfort today and a source of grit and grace. Grace. So you have lived it. And you have been so generous to share your story. The book is Caregiving. With grit and grace, a mom discovers meaning, strength, and gratitude as a caregiver. Listen, if you know someone who's a caregiver, get this book and give it to them. Just be bold and give them. And just say, I heard this and I thought it might be encouraging to you. And if you want to know more, go to jessronne.com that's J E S S R-O N N E.com jessronne.com or you can contact us. We'd be glad to connect you. Listen, wherever you are, may the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. And I'll see you again right here next time.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast and may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

Jess Ronne, founder of The Lucas Project, talks with Jessica about her new book "Caregiving with Grit and Grace"

Rx for Hope: Be a Caregiver with Grit and Grace

https://www.jessplusthemess.com/