Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing hope for healthy families on American Family Radio
Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing hope for healthy families. Let me tell you, I can never get enough hope in this world. In the world of the doom scroll, we need hope. Hope that we have help from our heavenly Father who loves us. And we are living in a world where it seems like our kids are growing up faster than ever and often without the firm foundation that they need. We see declining biblical worldview. We see today's parents, including me, asking, how do we raise children who love Jesus and live with confidence in him? Well, Dannah Gresh has been answering that question for decades. She's the founder of True Girl Ministries. She's reached hundreds of thousands of moms and daughters worldwide with events, with resources, books, discipleship, tools, all that help them pursue and develop their identity in Christ. And she is also the visionary behind Born to be Brave, which is a unique live event for fathers and sons. She's a best selling author whose books have helped families walk faithfully in today's culture. And today she is joining us to talk about equipping the next generation with truth and grace. Dannah I've been looking forward to this conversation for a long time. Time. And I'm so glad to have you here today.
Dannah Gresh: Me too. It is about time. I'm so excited.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let me start off with a little story if you don't mind. I want to share with you my own, little story I am holding up in front of the video for our listeners, a book that I have. It is copyrighted in 2008. It is the Secret Keeper Girl series. This particular book is called Just Call me Kate and I have a library of your books. I have two girls who are college age now. But Dannah way back when, when were entering that tweenager stage, we went to a Secret Keeper Girls event here in our hometown. And it was a pajama party. So my girls thought it was incredible that we were going out in our pajamas in public. That was super fun. And as we got to the event, I was sitting between my girls and my heart was just so full because I thought, oh, here I am. You know, we're having such a great time. A girls night out. we'd gone to eat and we were sitting there and the speaker said, okay, we're going to talk about A secret that you're keeping inside. And she said, I want you to look down the aisle to your left. I want you to look down the aisle to your right. And I want you to look up in my eyes and tell me and nod if you see a girl who is prettier than you, who you think is prettier than you. And Dannah I look down at one of my daughters, and tears are just pouring down her face. And her sweet little face looks up at me, and she said, mom, every single one of them is prettier than me. Every one of them. And my heart just crushed. And I looked at my other daughter, and she's looking kind of quizzically up and down the aisle. And she looks at me and she goes, actually, mom, no, there's nobody who's prettier than me. I'm prettier than all of them. And it was so instructive for me in that moment, Dannah because I realized, here I am, I'm parenting them the same way. But these are completely different girls. Completed, created, completely different, differently by God. And it just opened up such a great conversation and. And made such a great memory for us that we laugh about now. And from that story, we use a phrase all the time with my girls, let's share our strengths, girls, let's share our strengths. Because one, you know, may need confidence, the other may need humility. And we can share our strength.
True Girl Ministries believes that mom Daughter connection is the greatest risk reducer in the world
So I would love for you just to talk a little bit about just your ministry. You have done so much, Dannah Talk a little bit about True Girl Ministries and how it has evolved and what God's doing now for you in that minist.
Dannah Gresh: Well, that moment right there is what our ministry is. It is creating, a talking point for moms that is specific to her daughter. We believe that mom Daughter connection is the greatest risk reducer in the world. for all the things our mama's heart fears, whether it's sexuality or unhealthy relationships or substance abuse or screen time, whatever it is, mom daughter connection, according to the statistics tell us, reduce the risk of everything we fear. And really, you can take that to the scriptures, because go back to Deuteronomy. And the book of Deuteronomy instructs, listen, teach your children to walk in the ways of God. Teach it to them when they walk, when they sit, when they stand, when they lie down. So it's this all consuming relational discipleship that God assigns to his people in the book of Deuteronomy. And fast forward to the year 2020. 5 We can see in social science that, that all, inclusive, that just like day and night, night and day, moment by moment, life on life, discipleship is what reduces the risk in our kids hearts and puts them on a path to God that's safer and healthier and wholer. And so it thrills my heart to hear that your daughters shared their hearts with you that night because that's what we do at our live events, at our online Bible studies, even in our books like they're designed for mom daughter connection. And so I'm so happy to hear that that's what happened for you that night.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I can't agree with you more, Dannah I do believe that that mother daughter relationship is such a significant risk reduction and I'm convinced that there's nothing that mothers and daughters can't face together. No obstacle they can't navigate, no trauma they can't get through, no trial they can't overcome. In the context of that healthy relationship, I believe that concentrating on that is, and I think as moms today, we get distracted by fear based parenting. Our heads are turned so quickly as we are constantly on guard, looking and thinking, is my daughter going to get abducted by a trafficker? Is she going to get fentanyl and or is, you know what, whatever's going to happen, is she going to spend too much time on her smartphone and, and have her identity completely crushed? We think about all of these fears and then we try to learn as much as we can about that thing and then we go and run to our daughters and say, did you hear about this? And, and we share that fear, fear with them. But you invite mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. We'll talk about born to be brave in a little bit.
JESSICA: Let's talk about stepping away from fear based approach
But really right now let's dive into that mother and daughter and talk about stepping away from that fear based approach and an invitation to freedom. Because that's ultimately the heartbeat behind, your ministry is that invitation to freedom in Christ.
Dannah Gresh: Well, you know, when you're describing that, I'm thinking about magicians. Satan is a master magician. Right? Magicians are of course fun. I'm not saying don't go to a magic show like my husband is thrilled with magic shows. the reason I'm thinking about it is because he loves them. But you know, they're deceptive. Right? And what they do so much of the time, their deception is they put a flash of fire or a pop of confetti or something really loud and dazzly over here to the right of the stage. So that you don't see the deception and the change happening on the left side of the stage. They distract you. And the things you just described are the things that we're afraid of. The abduction, the, fentanyl, all that kind of stuff. The statistics on those are so much lower than. That's the flash in the pan right there. Risk. There's a risk there. But over on the other side of the stage is the majority risk, which is just that the world is discipling our daughters faster than we are. And that thing we don't think about, we're not afraid of what is the more common threat, which is just the slow drip of lies telling our daughters. Lies about their beauty, lies about their bodies, lies about their family, lies about their God, lies about their faith. That's where our daughters are most at risk. And we should be alert but not afraid. You know, God does not give us a spirit of fear, says scripture, but of power and love and a mind of peace. And so when we are awake to and alert to and discerning of the lies of the world, we are aware, but not fearful. And that's where we want. That's where I long to coach moms to be in that place where they are vigilant and aware. They're not distracted. Yes, we know these scary things are over here, and they're much smaller risk, but we are much more focused on being the disciplers of our daughter so they don't become a victim of the majority risk.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's such a great analogy. To think about it like a magician, a sleight of hand. It's to distract you right, from the things that really matter. Because that's what I see. I see parents who are terrified that their daughter is going to get abducted off of the street, but they're not terrified of the thousands of strangers their daughter may be inviting into her bedroom every night through social media, through that personal, you know, really intimate space in the space that, you know, she should feel the safest in the world. And we have got to fix our gaze on what really matters and. And cultivate that relationship so that we can recognize those risks, respond accordingly. And that just really. That was a really kind of epiphany for me right there when you said that, Dannah because you're right. Satan is just trying to distract us. I can't tell you how many times I quote that scripture to myself. I'll say, jessica, God has not given you a spirit of fear, but power, love, a sound mind, a mind of peace. And that is so important to do. And you really are boots on the ground, Dannah I am, in that way in the clinical trenches, seeing kids who come to the clinic with physical manifestations of emotional or psychological problems are meeting parents who are in that point of need. What are the biggest challenges that you are seeing that you are gearing your ministry to respond to, help equip moms to address?
Dannah Gresh: Well, I think one of the big ones you just mentioned it is the psychological impact of the world. Anxiety, and depression. Let's just take those two kind of. They are often two sides of one coin, right? sometimes kids experience depression without anxiety, sometimes they experience anxiety without depression. But often there's sort of a coupling of those two things. And, you know, Juliet Schor, who's a researcher, sociologist, said that the average girl today between her tween and teen years scores so high on an anxiety scale that she would have, if it was the 1960s, be placed into inpatient treatment. But there's so many of them and it's so common and it's so normal, quote unquote normal that we just, we don't put her in inpatient treatment. We're just like, keep going, you're going to be fine. Now we might do counseling, we might do medical care. All of those things are wise interventions at times. But my concern is that the greatest medicine in the world for anything that makes our soul ill is the presence of Jesus Christ and the power of the word of God. And we are sometimes divorcing our care of our children when it comes to these mental health issues from those things because we are fearful. Going back to that word, fearful, we're like, oh, they don't have the right medical treatment if they don't have the right psychological care. Well, yes, but they need the spiritual care. And so what we do at True Girl a lot is, for example, we have this thing we do twice a year called the Holy Girl walk. And on a holy girl walk, I don't know if you've heard of the hot girl walk, which was like huge during the pandemic, you got on your matching set and you got some bottle, of water to hydrate and you walked and told yourself positive things about yourself. I can do anything good. I am enough. Da, da, da. Well, interesting enough, psychologists have done studies on those words and they don't really have the power that we think they do. They do make us feel better in the moment, but they don't actually have any efficacy and long term change in mental status. But there were A group of people, an ancient group of people who practiced the art of talking to themselves. And it did work. And it was the psalmist. And they, you know why? Why, oh soul, are you so downcast and discouraged? Hope in God. What was I working on last night? Psalm M. 130. the Psalmist is, if you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared. And so the psalmist is taking their shame and their emotional trauma to God. And then they are reminding themselves who God is. Oh, he is forgiving. He is merciful. His mercy is new every morning. And so what we do at True Girl is we take a holy girl walk two times a year. We memorize a psalm and we walk while we do it. Because there is great evidence to suggest that walking, physical movement, as well as the word of God have healing power in our daughter's lives. And we encourage them to hydrate, too, because a lot of. There's actually some research that says that some of the anxiety might be because our kids are, There's not one cause, right? But when your body is not hydrated properly, it sends a signal that feels a lot like anxiety to your body because your body's trying to say, drink something. And it's not actually anxiety, it's thirst. So we got to do the practical things, the easy things, the God things we do.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Dannah we are already at our first break, but the pediatric nurse practitioner in me over here is cheering because, yes, so much of our mind, body, spirit, connection has to do with sleep and nutrition and exercise, and all of those things are interconnected. I have so many more questions for you. When we come back, we'll talk more about those connections. We'll also talk about how do we talk about these really awkward things in a not awkward way? And later on, we'll talk about Born to be brave. We haven't forgotten about the boys out there, the fathers and sons. I'll be right back with more from Dannah Gresh
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For the Good by Riley Clemmons: Who can bend my burdens and make them beautiful? Who can bring the healing to the hurt I hold? Who else could part the waters? When I'm needing a way? though I'm, walking through the valley? I believe when you say I believe when you say for the good, for the good you work all things together for the good, for the good Your promise stands forever? You alone are my greatest hope I trust you on the broken road you work all things together like only you could for the good.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's for the Good by Riley Clemmons And that's what we're talking about today. What is good for our kids? Well, what is good is celebrating their freedom in Christ. And as parents, we have such a tremendous opportunity to help shape their image and to do that in the image from Christ. And there are a lot of competing messages out there that counteract this programming that we have counter try to counter program them. From TikTok to Netflix to YouTube, today's kids are really being shaped by a flood of cultural messages about their identity, about their sexuality, about their worth. But Dannah Gresh is committed to helping families cut through all of that noise. She is a respected author, a Bible teacher, founder of True Girl Ministry, and she has created Christ centered spaces where moms and daughters can openly talk about really tough stuff and where fathers and sons can be encouraged to lead with courage through Born to Be Brave. She's written over 20 books, including bestsellers like Lies Girls Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. And her work has been featured on outlets like Fox News, Focus on the Family Family Life Today. And today she is here with us. And we are so glad to have Dannah here to help us know how we can guide our children towards truth and freedom in Christ.
True Girl helps moms and daughters have honest conversations about sex
And Dannah before the break, we were talking. I love this transition from the hot girl walk, which I did actually follow that movement and there were some things that were good about it. Yes, get outside. Yes. Get some sunshine for your Circadian rhythm. Yes. Move your body and, you know, move in a positive way, without, you know, consuming, media. But I love this transition to a holy girl walk. So tell us more about what True Girl does to help moms and daughters have conversations so often. Dannah what I see is daughters who really want to talk to their moms, and moms who really want to talk to their daughters. Daughters are afraid to bring things up because they care so much about what their mom thinks about them. It doesn't maybe feel safe to share some of those things that they think, oh, maybe you'll be disappointed me if I, if I'm thinking this or struggling with this. And moms who think, I don't want to mess up my kid. I'm trying so hard to be the perfect mom. How does True Ministries help foster those relationships in grace and truth?
Dannah Gresh: Well, you know, the story that comes to my mind is the story of what was really the catalyst for my ministry. I never set out to do this. I thought I was going to be the next John Grisham. I was going to write stories of mystery. that's not what I write. I write books for moms and daughters. But, it all started when I was driving down the highway listening to a program a lot like this. and the interviewer asks the question, what is the number one question on a teenage girl's mind when she's talking to her mom about sex? And I'm thinking, you know, there's going to be these practical questions, like curious questions that this girl's going to have in her mind, right? But the woman on the other end of the interview, without even skipping a beat, says, the number one question on that girl's mind is, mom, did you wait? And I am telling you, I caved. I pulled to the side of the road, I burst into tears. My six month old baby girl is in the back seat of my car. And suddenly the grief of 10 years of hiding sin from my teen years came to a head. And the healing I wasn't willing to do for my own heart, Mama Bear was going to do it for her baby girl's heart if that was a question on her mind. But you know what that question says? It says, mom, I am looking to you. I want answers from you. And it doesn't mean you have to be perfect. I am not the poster child for sexual integrity, let me tell you. But what I am is a wise, safe source of advice for my daughters. And I am that because first and foremost, I did the hard work of Healing in my own heart and my own emotions so that I could answer hard questions like that, because our daughters want the answers from us. There was a survey. This is a few years, several years ago, but they asked teenage girls, what is your most trusted source of learning about sex? And I think you could take this for any of these hard topics, Right? But this was, a topic on the subject of sex. And, the girl said, the place I want my answers from is Mom. It wasn't their teacher. It wasn't their peers. It wasn't a book. It wasn't a podcast. It wasn't YouTube. It was Mom. They trust mom, and they want their hardest answers about life answered by Mom. And I think that moment in the car listening to that program was the moment that God birthed in me the desire to be that for my daughter. And then somehow it just got contagious, and I started sharing it with other moms. And here we are, 25 years later. I'm still doing that.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Dannah I think that's really brave of you to say, because I think, especially in church circles, there is a lot of shame that a lot of moms carry around. And it's like, you can't. It's this, you know, oh, gosh, somebody's gonna know that I wasn't perfect. And newsflash, none of us are perfect. And talking openly about those struggles with the counterbalance of talking about the redemption of Christ, how he reduce. He. He. He redeems, he renews, he forgives. He can make all things new, and he can make beauty from ashes. That is a story that we need to be carrying forward, because I feel like in today's world, we really live in cancel culture where kids are afraid of that. I mean, we didn't grow up like that as moms, where we were videotaped at every moment. Any stray word that you speak, any foolish action that you. The foolishness that is bound up in the heart of a child, we know that that is there. And. And I think that they feel like once they fail and whatever that is, as you said, whatever area of sin that is in their life, they feel like, okay, well, now I'm not worthy, and now I'm canceled like that. That's it. I'm done. And so how do you at, true girl? What it was. Where's your ministry come into that? To giving them messages about their identity in Christ, Whether that is their emotional mental health, their physical health, their sexual health, any of those planes. Where does equipping moms m. To really Reflect them back to that identity in Christ. Come in.
The world is discipling our children and us to believe that identity equals sexuality
Dannah Gresh: Well, it's so important you bring up the word identity. This is one of those words in culture where there's linguistic theft happening. and by that I mean we are twisting a word to be used inappropriately. And, we are told all the time that our identity, the world's, lies. Once again, the world is discipling us faster, discipling our daughters faster than we are sometimes. And the world is discipling our children and us to believe that, identity equals sexuality. And the fact is, our sexuality two decades ago was a verb. It wasn't a noun. It wasn't something we are, it was something we did. And what God's word says. This is why this particular linguistic theft battle is so important to fight. Because what God's word tells us over and over and over again is that our identity is in Christ. And if you go back all the way to the book of Genesis and you look at the first three chapters of Genesis, which really spells out all of some of our most significant theology or belief about God and our beliefs about ourselves. And in Genesis 1:27, it says God made them male and female. He created them. And it says, in the image of God, he created them. So there are so many things about us that are godlike, right? Our ability to compose sonnets, for example. You're not going to find a cow that can do that. our language proficiency. You're not going to find anything else in the animal or biological culture that can be efficient in language. Then, our ability to. To defy gravity. So much about us is so special and so set apart and so godlike. But one thing is mentioned at point of creation, our maleness and our femaleness. These two distinct differences being brought together in marriage. Says Genesis 3 become one flesh. Or Genesis chapter 3 says they become one flesh. And the word for one flesh there is echad, that echad word. The only other time we see that is in the Hebrew Shema, which says, hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one echad. And it is talking about the Trinity, the oneness of God. And so these three distinct beings, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, are really echad. And maleness, femaleness, brought together through God, are echad. This is sacred. Our identity is that our identity is reflecting the image of God. We're like, the moon, a cold, dark stone. We don't have any light of our own, but we reflect the light of the sun. That's who we are. Our image is In God, in Christ. And so this teaching, this is probably the most important thing you can teach your daughter today. Right now, many of our TrueGirl resources teach that, that's kind of a flyby. I call that drinking from a fire hose version of it. But you break that down very slowly for your girls through different resources, through different touch points. I mean let's take like a four year old girl. All we want to do to her is say it's great that God chose you to be a girl. Isn't it great that God made you a girl? It is great to be a girl. And you're just affirming the beauty of femaleness because God thinks it's beautiful or he wouldn't have said this is one of two things that helps you reflect my image.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That you know, I look at the countercultural message of that and image crafting is a word that has come into being with the advent of social media and kids, even if they wouldn't say it out loud, they, they are really dedicated to this image crafting, creating and crafting this image that they want to portray to the world. This is how I want to be known. This is how I want to seen. And they're given so many options for because the whole world is customized. This is how I am seen. And Dannah that is, it is always destined for failure because we cannot in our human limitation craft an image of ourselves that is anywhere close to the beauty of the way that God crafted us in our mother's womb. We know that from the psalms that he, he, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We hear that all the time and we see that and seeing that, you know, listening to what what I should be or what I and conformity is, you know, you've got to be like everybody else, but you have to be different at the same time. There's all of these conflicting messages that are really confusing because they're not based on absolute truth. And I'm convinced that's what's driving a lot of anxiety in kids today because everything just seems like it's shifting. What's celebrated today is canceled tomorrow. And we have got to build our kids identity and their lives and their faith on the unshakable truth that is God's wor.
Born to be Brave is a ministry for dads and sons about image and identity
And one of the things I'm really appreciative about your ministry is that you also have born to be brave. This is a ministry for dads and sons because image and identity is not just something that impacts girls, it impacts boys too. So tell me about what led you to launch this parallel ministry for boys.
Dannah Gresh: Well, biggest thing is, over the course of two decades, what about my son? What about my son? Letters. And so, I turned to my husband Bob, and I was like, what are you going to do with this? he worked with a team to craft the Born to Be Brave live event. And I'm so proud of it. They're going to jump out in the True Girl tour bus here in another week or so and head out on tour for a few cities. And, it is. I wish you could see fathers and sons having that same kind of moment you described at the beginning of the show where they're asked a question, a hard question, and then dad gets to be there to have a front row seat to hear the heart of his son. And at intermission, we have dads walk. This is unbelievable to me, but dads walking out with tears in their eyes, being like, I just had the most powerful encounter with my son in my entire life. But it's the same kind of heart that we have of putting dad in the driver's seat. This is so important to us. Mom and dad in the driver's seat of the moral development of our children. We live in a world that more and more says that no, the teachers, the school, the state, they can be in the driver's seat of moral development. But mom and dad, they might get in the way of that true moral development. And that's not what God's word Sundays. In Deuteronomy 6 and other places, mom and dad are assigned the task of the moral development and the nurturing of their children's belief system. And so at Born to be Brave, we put dad in the driver's seat. And so many times it is a game changing night for those fathers when they realize the critical importance of their role. Sometimes, you know, parents attending our events are not absent parents, but sometimes we all get in kind of, autopilot, right? And when you come to one of our events, when you read one of our books, we just remind you, hey, this is going to go so fast and you matter so much. And then we just say, here's a conversation, have it with your kid. And just having that conversation is the wake up call. you know, because you have daughters who are, what, in college? Post college, Right?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.
Dannah Gresh: Wasn't it a blink? I mean, yes, oh, yes. If I could go back and not be too busy taking out the trash a time or two more and not be too busy, finishing a report for work when my kids are like, will you play cards with me?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes.
Dannah Gresh: Wouldn't I? In a second.
Dr. Jessica Peck: In a second. Well, Dannah and that's the opportunity that you create. even as I shared with you at the beginning, that is still a memory that we have. And I think you're right. When we're living at the speed of a smartphone, sometimes we're not intentionally neglectful, but we're just letting things go by without being intentional and grabbing that moment. And I think it can be harder sometimes for dads to initiate conversation like that. I mean, I. It's somewhat natural for me to talk to my girls. I know about Janie and Joanie and Jenny and, you know, all of the girl drama that's going on. But sometimes having. Helping dads to have those meaningful conversations is so important. Listen, don't go away. We have much more to talk about with Dannah Gresh, and we'll be right back. On the other side of this break.
When we look at the Protestant Reformation, one of the big flashpoint issues was scripture
Here'S Dr. Michael Kruger from the American Family Studios documentary the God who Speaks.
Dr. Michael Kruger: Yeah. When we look at the Protestant Reformation, one of the big flashpoint issues, obviously, was the issue of scripture. What is the highest authority in the believer's life? Sola scriptura. scripture alone is the only foundation authority for believers. The reformers never suggested that the scripture was the only authority for believers, but, rather the only infallible authority for believers. The Protestant vision was a response to a church that had lowered the doctrine of scripture, had refused to submit to scripture, had raised church tradition, in the words of the Pope, functionally over scripture. and so the reformists said, if we're going to have a reformation, if we're going to. get back to the way things should be, we've got to restore scripture to its proper place as the highest authority in the life of the believer. Visit thegodwhospeaks.org.
Let The Church Sing by Tauren Wells and gio: We love one truth. We crown one name. We bow to one king we follow one way, one faith, one gospel, one cross, one grave, one resurrection we share by grace so we sing no one like our, God Only one we need Holy is our Lord. Hallelujah. Let the church sing no one like our God Only one we need Holy is our Lord.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Let the church sing by Tauren Wells. And I hope that you are singing a song in your heart today as you are listening. Thanks so much for tuning in. And we're talking about something really important today, so don't miss this, because in a world full of secrets, one thing that is not a secret is that raising kids in today's world isn't easy. One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing older generations speak words of doom over parents today. Saying things like, like, I'm so glad that my kids weren't raised in this generation. I'm so glad I don't have to raise kids with smartphones. I'm so glad that I am not raising kids in today's world. This is, these are words of death. We need to speak words of life. And parents are navigating really hard conversations about identity and relationships and faith like they never have before.
Dannah Gresh is founder of Born to Be Brave and True Girl Ministries
And that's why I'm so glad to welcome Dannah Gresh today speaker, author, founder of True Girl Ministries and Born to Be Brave. And through her best selling books and live events, Dannah has equipped parents with practical tools to disciple their children while also building deeper grace, grace filled connections in their family. That's so important. She's got humor, she's got honesty, and most of all, a heart for God's word. And Dannah has become a source of encouragement. I know for many of you listening out there for families who just want to raise sons and daughters to know who they are in Christ. And Dannah before the break, we were talking about the Born to be Brave events and the importance of that father involvement in sons lives. And I think, you know, speaking from my conversations with my husband, they just have a very different mindset and what they want to teach their kids and teach their sons especially. And I'm thinking about just some of those practical things that they want them to know how to do, to change a tire, to throw a basketball. And probably all the dads out there cringing right now saying, oh, that just sounds so cringey when you say it. But you know what I'm talking about. But sometimes it can be really hard for dads to initiate those heartfelt, deeper conversations. So what do you say to dads? How does this ministry in Born to be Brave help prepare dads to really engage with kids intentionally on their faith?
Dannah Gresh: Yeah, well, so first of all, we believe so much that there's when a heart is open and it can receive truth. So how does a heart get opened? It's opened with laughter, it's opened with fun. It's open when we let our guard down. So all of our events are the most fun. Ah, we like to say it's the most fun you're ever going to have digging into God's word with your child. And at the Born to Be Brave events, we have this thing called the wheel of destruction. And it is.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, that already sounds fun.
Dannah Gresh: Trailer tire. Yes. It's, It's absolute chaos. My husband hits the Goodwill store in the city that we're in that day and buys stuff. usually there's a dollhouse there, and the boys love it when the wheel of destruction crushes the dollhouse. But they break stuff, okay? That is what opens up the hearts of these fathers and sons. They love the wheel of destruction. They worship together. They do some really fun, crazy guy games, and. And then they open the word of God. And what, they're just like girls? We, want to be known. We want to be beautiful, we want to be seen. That's kind of the deep need in our heart for guys. And this is stereotypical, but it's still most. Most guys want to know they are enough. They have what it takes. They want to be respected. And so because of that, there's all these. This pressure for them to be courageous and brave. And sometimes they're the wrong kind of courageous and brave. So we define bravery at the Born to be brave shows as this doing the next right thing. The Bible says the righteous are bold as lions. What is a righteous person? It's a person that's doing the next right thing. That's what it's like to be brave. And so being brave might be. You see your mom bringing the groceries in, and she has loads and loads to go. And you stand up and you go to the back of the car and you help her. Being brave might be saying no when somebody invites you to look at pornography with them, which is happening increasingly more and more where it's not just a solo act, but people are boys and girls both are being invited by friends to look. you say no, teaching them that skill. And dads getting to say, ah, I know what it's like for my son to want to be enough and want to be brave. And I know what it feels like to not say no to the things I wish I had. It is again, get your husband to an event. We're going to be in Orlando. We're going to be in Michigan. We're going to be in Ohio. We're going to be in North Carolina, South Carolina in the next two weeks with Born to be Brave. And it is just a sight to see fathers and sons connecting and getting intimate with each other and being strategic about discipling their boys.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I appreciate that so much because as I said, you know, at the top of this, segment, it is really hard.
Dannah, what role do you see as grandparents or extended family
The challenges. It is true that the challenges we're facing as parents today are challenges that feel unprecedented. And sometimes I see parents who, you know, feel like older generations can't understand that because you didn't have smartphones, you didn't have social media. But Dannah what we know is that the sin that underrides the temptation that is the undercurrent of all of these things, those things are the same. And grandparents know about being resilient and being faithful and all of those character traits that we want to have. And so what do you see? What role do you see as grandparents or extended family? How does that play into your ministry? How do you leverage those faithful people in our kids lives who we can point to to show some hope?
Dannah Gresh: So important. you know that passage in Deuteronomy, it says that the assignment is to mom and dad, but I should correct that to say it says teach them to your children and your grandchildren. So it is also the task of grandparents to do this moral development work. And as grandparents, we don't want to be just, free babysitting. We don't want to be just putt putt golf. I took two of my grandkids putt putt golfing last week. Don't do it. It's really, don't do it. They're not, I don't know what age they're ready, but not my grandkids, they're not ready yet. we don't want to be just that. We want to be strategic about our time with them. We want to talk to them about time in the word. We want to talk to them about Jesus. We want to tell them the stories of our family faith, legacy, how you came to know Jesus, how you watched their mom or their dad come to know Jesus. we want to be intentional about that. My husband years ago said, I want to spend 10 hours a week when we're grandparents being grandparents. And now we're grandparents. We have four grandbabies under the age of six. And we spend ten hours a week. And I would say a lot of that time is putt putt golfing too much, to my regret and ice cream and all that kind of stuff. But in those moments, we're looking for the opportunity to talk about Jesus. So don't forget that when you're driving around with your grandkids, talk about be the generation that tells the next generation about the faithfulness of God.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Hm. That is so inspiring and what a beautiful gift that you've given to invite invest 10 hours a week in your grandkids. I, I think that's incredibly beautiful. I don't know how many grandparents out there would be willing to take up that challenge, not only to spend that many hours per week with your grandkids, but to be intentionally discipling them. And if. And there I see a lot of grandparents who think I want to help, but I need just a little help understanding, you know, the things that kids are facing today. And that's where you come into that with Born to Be Brave and with True Girl Ministries, where you can give them some perspective and open the doors to those conversations in exactly the way that you were talking about. I think that's a really beautiful thing. I can say that my in laws also did the same thing when my, father in law retired from his job. He was very successful in what he did. He said, I want to be intentional in being a present grandparent. And so he wanted to invest in some places that we could go and travel together and, you know, give that gift to us, which was so beautiful. But what he was getting was time, time with us. And now that my kids are adults and in college, actually, I was just sitting with them last night around their kitchen table, and they said, you know, the greatest gift that we've gotten in retirement is investing in the relationship with our grandkids. They know us, they love us, we know them, we love them. But, you know, my, my father in law will text each of my kids every morning with a script. just a word of encouragement. Just this is what I'm praying for you. Isn't that beautiful? And I remember another time. yeah, go ahead.
Dannah Gresh: But what you're saying is so important because, like, for Bob And I, it's 10 hours. For them it was a trip. And texting in the morning, there's no like biblical thing that says spend 10 hours a week with your grandkids or take them on extravagant trips or send them a text in the morning. But, but the scripture is specific to say invest. And you have to let the Holy Spirit guide you in what that kind of investment is. It's going to look different for all of us.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It absolutely is. And that's, that's the really, the beautiful thing. They looked at what they had and their time and their gifting, and they did even move closer to be closer to us because they said we want to be those kind of grandparents. Not that just visit at Thanksgiving, but we want to show up at all of the school events. And I realize that is not possible for everyone, just like you're saying, Dannah every family is different. But what is the way that you can invest? Is it that trip where you come and you are there or you invite them for, cousin camp or whatever it is that you're going to host? I think that's absolutely beautiful. Well, Dannah I want to know what is your hope for the next generation of true girls and born to be. Born to be brave boys? What do you see on the horizon for your ministry?
Dannah Gresh: Oh, that is such a big question. I think my heart is that they just really would walk in freedom. And I think that the area where we are all at risk of the least freedom right now. Again, going back to the beginning when we were talking about Satan being a magician and doing this sleight of hand trick, over on the right side of the stage are all these scary things we're afraid of. And over on the left side is our screens. Our screens are a place where we are being enslaved. Not just our kids, but us. There are clinics all across the country right now raising up. They are screen, addiction clinics, basically. And they're for kids and young adults who have fried their brains on the dopamine feed of their screens. And really the anxiety and the depression, even the suicidal ideation, if you want to trace the growth, so much of it. There's like a hockey stick spike of growth that started with the advent of the smartphone and the apps that began to be addictive to us, starting with MySpace back in 2007, 2008, 2009. And so I see my prayer is for my true girls and for our born to be brave boys to grow up. And they're carrying scripture on that phone. They're on their phone. What if God was there too? And so we are imagining ways right now we're investing almost a million dollars into an app for teen girls to be in God's word that will such a way that it will compete with TikTok. You know that it's not your grandma's app for Bible devos, but it is active and interactive and engaging. But my heart is the that the church would translate what we are doing, translate the scriptures into the language they're speaking, which is digital. They speak a native language of digital. How do we go there so that instead of becoming addicted to mindless, useless things, and it might not be sinful things, it just might not be fruitful things, and go there so that we speak the digital language and they can walk in freedom even when they're looking at their screens and their screens can be reminding them, look up, look up to Jesus. And look up to other people and their faces and be present.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Dannah I appreciate that so very much. And I can affirm what you're saying about the rise of addiction to digital platforms. And I, even in my own practice, have had a little boy in elementary school who physically assaulted his mom when she took away his video game console. I mean, these things are very, very. And I'm so appreciative of your engagement and investment. I mean, wow, what an investment. I'm definitely going to be watching that. Because this generation, Generation Z, they're digital natives. They grew up with technology. They expect it Gen Alpha. They don't just expect technology. They expect excellent technology. They expect it to meet them at the point of need. And technology in and of itself is not a bad thing. And so what if we can harness it for the good? It's not enough. That's been part of my critique of the anxious generation by Jonathan Haidt, is that we can't just get rid of smartphones and then say, problem solved, we've got to replace it. Romans 12, it talks about transforming. We're renewing our minds. And so doing that is so important. Well, Dannah we are already at the end of our time together. I've so enjoyed my conversation with you today. Please tell our listeners where they can find out more about True Girl, ministries and Born to be brave.
Dannah Gresh: Yeah, mytruegirl.com put the word my in front of True Girl and borntobebrave.com we would love to see at one of our live events.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That would be fantastic. And Dannah again, thank you so much for your legacy, for your ministry, for your investment in future generations. That I can tell you, as I shared at the very beginning, that moment that I had, that you provided is one of my favorite memories with my girl. So thank you for that. And listen wherever you are when you're listening. I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his way face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace as you celebrate your independence, your freedom in Christ. And we'll see you right here next time. Be blessed.
Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing hope for healthy families on American Family Radio
Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing hope for healthy families. Let me tell you, I can never get enough hope in this world. In the world of the doom scroll, we need hope. Hope that we have help from our heavenly Father who loves us. And we are living in a world where it seems like our kids are growing up faster than ever and often without the firm foundation that they need. We see declining biblical worldview. We see today's parents, including me, asking, how do we raise children who love Jesus and live with confidence in him? Well, Dannah Gresh has been answering that question for decades. She's the founder of True Girl Ministries. She's reached hundreds of thousands of moms and daughters worldwide with events, with resources, books, discipleship, tools, all that help them pursue and develop their identity in Christ. And she is also the visionary behind Born to be Brave, which is a unique live event for fathers and sons. She's a best selling author whose books have helped families walk faithfully in today's culture. And today she is joining us to talk about equipping the next generation with truth and grace. Dannah I've been looking forward to this conversation for a long time. Time. And I'm so glad to have you here today.
Dannah Gresh: Me too. It is about time. I'm so excited.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let me start off with a little story if you don't mind. I want to share with you my own, little story I am holding up in front of the video for our listeners, a book that I have. It is copyrighted in 2008. It is the Secret Keeper Girl series. This particular book is called Just Call me Kate and I have a library of your books. I have two girls who are college age now. But Dannah way back when, when were entering that tweenager stage, we went to a Secret Keeper Girls event here in our hometown. And it was a pajama party. So my girls thought it was incredible that we were going out in our pajamas in public. That was super fun. And as we got to the event, I was sitting between my girls and my heart was just so full because I thought, oh, here I am. You know, we're having such a great time. A girls night out. we'd gone to eat and we were sitting there and the speaker said, okay, we're going to talk about A secret that you're keeping inside. And she said, I want you to look down the aisle to your left. I want you to look down the aisle to your right. And I want you to look up in my eyes and tell me and nod if you see a girl who is prettier than you, who you think is prettier than you. And Dannah I look down at one of my daughters, and tears are just pouring down her face. And her sweet little face looks up at me, and she said, mom, every single one of them is prettier than me. Every one of them. And my heart just crushed. And I looked at my other daughter, and she's looking kind of quizzically up and down the aisle. And she looks at me and she goes, actually, mom, no, there's nobody who's prettier than me. I'm prettier than all of them. And it was so instructive for me in that moment, Dannah because I realized, here I am, I'm parenting them the same way. But these are completely different girls. Completed, created, completely different, differently by God. And it just opened up such a great conversation and. And made such a great memory for us that we laugh about now. And from that story, we use a phrase all the time with my girls, let's share our strengths, girls, let's share our strengths. Because one, you know, may need confidence, the other may need humility. And we can share our strength.
True Girl Ministries believes that mom Daughter connection is the greatest risk reducer in the world
So I would love for you just to talk a little bit about just your ministry. You have done so much, Dannah Talk a little bit about True Girl Ministries and how it has evolved and what God's doing now for you in that minist.
Dannah Gresh: Well, that moment right there is what our ministry is. It is creating, a talking point for moms that is specific to her daughter. We believe that mom Daughter connection is the greatest risk reducer in the world. for all the things our mama's heart fears, whether it's sexuality or unhealthy relationships or substance abuse or screen time, whatever it is, mom daughter connection, according to the statistics tell us, reduce the risk of everything we fear. And really, you can take that to the scriptures, because go back to Deuteronomy. And the book of Deuteronomy instructs, listen, teach your children to walk in the ways of God. Teach it to them when they walk, when they sit, when they stand, when they lie down. So it's this all consuming relational discipleship that God assigns to his people in the book of Deuteronomy. And fast forward to the year 2020. 5 We can see in social science that, that all, inclusive, that just like day and night, night and day, moment by moment, life on life, discipleship is what reduces the risk in our kids hearts and puts them on a path to God that's safer and healthier and wholer. And so it thrills my heart to hear that your daughters shared their hearts with you that night because that's what we do at our live events, at our online Bible studies, even in our books like they're designed for mom daughter connection. And so I'm so happy to hear that that's what happened for you that night.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I can't agree with you more, Dannah I do believe that that mother daughter relationship is such a significant risk reduction and I'm convinced that there's nothing that mothers and daughters can't face together. No obstacle they can't navigate, no trauma they can't get through, no trial they can't overcome. In the context of that healthy relationship, I believe that concentrating on that is, and I think as moms today, we get distracted by fear based parenting. Our heads are turned so quickly as we are constantly on guard, looking and thinking, is my daughter going to get abducted by a trafficker? Is she going to get fentanyl and or is, you know what, whatever's going to happen, is she going to spend too much time on her smartphone and, and have her identity completely crushed? We think about all of these fears and then we try to learn as much as we can about that thing and then we go and run to our daughters and say, did you hear about this? And, and we share that fear, fear with them. But you invite mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. We'll talk about born to be brave in a little bit.
JESSICA: Let's talk about stepping away from fear based approach
But really right now let's dive into that mother and daughter and talk about stepping away from that fear based approach and an invitation to freedom. Because that's ultimately the heartbeat behind, your ministry is that invitation to freedom in Christ.
Dannah Gresh: Well, you know, when you're describing that, I'm thinking about magicians. Satan is a master magician. Right? Magicians are of course fun. I'm not saying don't go to a magic show like my husband is thrilled with magic shows. the reason I'm thinking about it is because he loves them. But you know, they're deceptive. Right? And what they do so much of the time, their deception is they put a flash of fire or a pop of confetti or something really loud and dazzly over here to the right of the stage. So that you don't see the deception and the change happening on the left side of the stage. They distract you. And the things you just described are the things that we're afraid of. The abduction, the, fentanyl, all that kind of stuff. The statistics on those are so much lower than. That's the flash in the pan right there. Risk. There's a risk there. But over on the other side of the stage is the majority risk, which is just that the world is discipling our daughters faster than we are. And that thing we don't think about, we're not afraid of what is the more common threat, which is just the slow drip of lies telling our daughters. Lies about their beauty, lies about their bodies, lies about their family, lies about their God, lies about their faith. That's where our daughters are most at risk. And we should be alert but not afraid. You know, God does not give us a spirit of fear, says scripture, but of power and love and a mind of peace. And so when we are awake to and alert to and discerning of the lies of the world, we are aware, but not fearful. And that's where we want. That's where I long to coach moms to be in that place where they are vigilant and aware. They're not distracted. Yes, we know these scary things are over here, and they're much smaller risk, but we are much more focused on being the disciplers of our daughter so they don't become a victim of the majority risk.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's such a great analogy. To think about it like a magician, a sleight of hand. It's to distract you right, from the things that really matter. Because that's what I see. I see parents who are terrified that their daughter is going to get abducted off of the street, but they're not terrified of the thousands of strangers their daughter may be inviting into her bedroom every night through social media, through that personal, you know, really intimate space in the space that, you know, she should feel the safest in the world. And we have got to fix our gaze on what really matters and. And cultivate that relationship so that we can recognize those risks, respond accordingly. And that just really. That was a really kind of epiphany for me right there when you said that, Dannah because you're right. Satan is just trying to distract us. I can't tell you how many times I quote that scripture to myself. I'll say, jessica, God has not given you a spirit of fear, but power, love, a sound mind, a mind of peace. And that is so important to do. And you really are boots on the ground, Dannah I am, in that way in the clinical trenches, seeing kids who come to the clinic with physical manifestations of emotional or psychological problems are meeting parents who are in that point of need. What are the biggest challenges that you are seeing that you are gearing your ministry to respond to, help equip moms to address?
Dannah Gresh: Well, I think one of the big ones you just mentioned it is the psychological impact of the world. Anxiety, and depression. Let's just take those two kind of. They are often two sides of one coin, right? sometimes kids experience depression without anxiety, sometimes they experience anxiety without depression. But often there's sort of a coupling of those two things. And, you know, Juliet Schor, who's a researcher, sociologist, said that the average girl today between her tween and teen years scores so high on an anxiety scale that she would have, if it was the 1960s, be placed into inpatient treatment. But there's so many of them and it's so common and it's so normal, quote unquote normal that we just, we don't put her in inpatient treatment. We're just like, keep going, you're going to be fine. Now we might do counseling, we might do medical care. All of those things are wise interventions at times. But my concern is that the greatest medicine in the world for anything that makes our soul ill is the presence of Jesus Christ and the power of the word of God. And we are sometimes divorcing our care of our children when it comes to these mental health issues from those things because we are fearful. Going back to that word, fearful, we're like, oh, they don't have the right medical treatment if they don't have the right psychological care. Well, yes, but they need the spiritual care. And so what we do at True Girl a lot is, for example, we have this thing we do twice a year called the Holy Girl walk. And on a holy girl walk, I don't know if you've heard of the hot girl walk, which was like huge during the pandemic, you got on your matching set and you got some bottle, of water to hydrate and you walked and told yourself positive things about yourself. I can do anything good. I am enough. Da, da, da. Well, interesting enough, psychologists have done studies on those words and they don't really have the power that we think they do. They do make us feel better in the moment, but they don't actually have any efficacy and long term change in mental status. But there were A group of people, an ancient group of people who practiced the art of talking to themselves. And it did work. And it was the psalmist. And they, you know why? Why, oh soul, are you so downcast and discouraged? Hope in God. What was I working on last night? Psalm M. 130. the Psalmist is, if you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared. And so the psalmist is taking their shame and their emotional trauma to God. And then they are reminding themselves who God is. Oh, he is forgiving. He is merciful. His mercy is new every morning. And so what we do at True Girl is we take a holy girl walk two times a year. We memorize a psalm and we walk while we do it. Because there is great evidence to suggest that walking, physical movement, as well as the word of God have healing power in our daughter's lives. And we encourage them to hydrate, too, because a lot of. There's actually some research that says that some of the anxiety might be because our kids are, There's not one cause, right? But when your body is not hydrated properly, it sends a signal that feels a lot like anxiety to your body because your body's trying to say, drink something. And it's not actually anxiety, it's thirst. So we got to do the practical things, the easy things, the God things we do.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Dannah we are already at our first break, but the pediatric nurse practitioner in me over here is cheering because, yes, so much of our mind, body, spirit, connection has to do with sleep and nutrition and exercise, and all of those things are interconnected. I have so many more questions for you. When we come back, we'll talk more about those connections. We'll also talk about how do we talk about these really awkward things in a not awkward way? And later on, we'll talk about Born to be brave. We haven't forgotten about the boys out there, the fathers and sons. I'll be right back with more from Dannah Gresh
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For the Good by Riley Clemmons: Who can bend my burdens and make them beautiful? Who can bring the healing to the hurt I hold? Who else could part the waters? When I'm needing a way? though I'm, walking through the valley? I believe when you say I believe when you say for the good, for the good you work all things together for the good, for the good Your promise stands forever? You alone are my greatest hope I trust you on the broken road you work all things together like only you could for the good.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's for the Good by Riley Clemmons And that's what we're talking about today. What is good for our kids? Well, what is good is celebrating their freedom in Christ. And as parents, we have such a tremendous opportunity to help shape their image and to do that in the image from Christ. And there are a lot of competing messages out there that counteract this programming that we have counter try to counter program them. From TikTok to Netflix to YouTube, today's kids are really being shaped by a flood of cultural messages about their identity, about their sexuality, about their worth. But Dannah Gresh is committed to helping families cut through all of that noise. She is a respected author, a Bible teacher, founder of True Girl Ministry, and she has created Christ centered spaces where moms and daughters can openly talk about really tough stuff and where fathers and sons can be encouraged to lead with courage through Born to Be Brave. She's written over 20 books, including bestsellers like Lies Girls Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. And her work has been featured on outlets like Fox News, Focus on the Family Family Life Today. And today she is here with us. And we are so glad to have Dannah here to help us know how we can guide our children towards truth and freedom in Christ.
True Girl helps moms and daughters have honest conversations about sex
And Dannah before the break, we were talking. I love this transition from the hot girl walk, which I did actually follow that movement and there were some things that were good about it. Yes, get outside. Yes. Get some sunshine for your Circadian rhythm. Yes. Move your body and, you know, move in a positive way, without, you know, consuming, media. But I love this transition to a holy girl walk. So tell us more about what True Girl does to help moms and daughters have conversations so often. Dannah what I see is daughters who really want to talk to their moms, and moms who really want to talk to their daughters. Daughters are afraid to bring things up because they care so much about what their mom thinks about them. It doesn't maybe feel safe to share some of those things that they think, oh, maybe you'll be disappointed me if I, if I'm thinking this or struggling with this. And moms who think, I don't want to mess up my kid. I'm trying so hard to be the perfect mom. How does True Ministries help foster those relationships in grace and truth?
Dannah Gresh: Well, you know, the story that comes to my mind is the story of what was really the catalyst for my ministry. I never set out to do this. I thought I was going to be the next John Grisham. I was going to write stories of mystery. that's not what I write. I write books for moms and daughters. But, it all started when I was driving down the highway listening to a program a lot like this. and the interviewer asks the question, what is the number one question on a teenage girl's mind when she's talking to her mom about sex? And I'm thinking, you know, there's going to be these practical questions, like curious questions that this girl's going to have in her mind, right? But the woman on the other end of the interview, without even skipping a beat, says, the number one question on that girl's mind is, mom, did you wait? And I am telling you, I caved. I pulled to the side of the road, I burst into tears. My six month old baby girl is in the back seat of my car. And suddenly the grief of 10 years of hiding sin from my teen years came to a head. And the healing I wasn't willing to do for my own heart, Mama Bear was going to do it for her baby girl's heart if that was a question on her mind. But you know what that question says? It says, mom, I am looking to you. I want answers from you. And it doesn't mean you have to be perfect. I am not the poster child for sexual integrity, let me tell you. But what I am is a wise, safe source of advice for my daughters. And I am that because first and foremost, I did the hard work of Healing in my own heart and my own emotions so that I could answer hard questions like that, because our daughters want the answers from us. There was a survey. This is a few years, several years ago, but they asked teenage girls, what is your most trusted source of learning about sex? And I think you could take this for any of these hard topics, Right? But this was, a topic on the subject of sex. And, the girl said, the place I want my answers from is Mom. It wasn't their teacher. It wasn't their peers. It wasn't a book. It wasn't a podcast. It wasn't YouTube. It was Mom. They trust mom, and they want their hardest answers about life answered by Mom. And I think that moment in the car listening to that program was the moment that God birthed in me the desire to be that for my daughter. And then somehow it just got contagious, and I started sharing it with other moms. And here we are, 25 years later. I'm still doing that.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Dannah I think that's really brave of you to say, because I think, especially in church circles, there is a lot of shame that a lot of moms carry around. And it's like, you can't. It's this, you know, oh, gosh, somebody's gonna know that I wasn't perfect. And newsflash, none of us are perfect. And talking openly about those struggles with the counterbalance of talking about the redemption of Christ, how he reduce. He. He. He redeems, he renews, he forgives. He can make all things new, and he can make beauty from ashes. That is a story that we need to be carrying forward, because I feel like in today's world, we really live in cancel culture where kids are afraid of that. I mean, we didn't grow up like that as moms, where we were videotaped at every moment. Any stray word that you speak, any foolish action that you. The foolishness that is bound up in the heart of a child, we know that that is there. And. And I think that they feel like once they fail and whatever that is, as you said, whatever area of sin that is in their life, they feel like, okay, well, now I'm not worthy, and now I'm canceled like that. That's it. I'm done. And so how do you at, true girl? What it was. Where's your ministry come into that? To giving them messages about their identity in Christ, Whether that is their emotional mental health, their physical health, their sexual health, any of those planes. Where does equipping moms m. To really Reflect them back to that identity in Christ. Come in.
The world is discipling our children and us to believe that identity equals sexuality
Dannah Gresh: Well, it's so important you bring up the word identity. This is one of those words in culture where there's linguistic theft happening. and by that I mean we are twisting a word to be used inappropriately. And, we are told all the time that our identity, the world's, lies. Once again, the world is discipling us faster, discipling our daughters faster than we are sometimes. And the world is discipling our children and us to believe that, identity equals sexuality. And the fact is, our sexuality two decades ago was a verb. It wasn't a noun. It wasn't something we are, it was something we did. And what God's word says. This is why this particular linguistic theft battle is so important to fight. Because what God's word tells us over and over and over again is that our identity is in Christ. And if you go back all the way to the book of Genesis and you look at the first three chapters of Genesis, which really spells out all of some of our most significant theology or belief about God and our beliefs about ourselves. And in Genesis 1:27, it says God made them male and female. He created them. And it says, in the image of God, he created them. So there are so many things about us that are godlike, right? Our ability to compose sonnets, for example. You're not going to find a cow that can do that. our language proficiency. You're not going to find anything else in the animal or biological culture that can be efficient in language. Then, our ability to. To defy gravity. So much about us is so special and so set apart and so godlike. But one thing is mentioned at point of creation, our maleness and our femaleness. These two distinct differences being brought together in marriage. Says Genesis 3 become one flesh. Or Genesis chapter 3 says they become one flesh. And the word for one flesh there is echad, that echad word. The only other time we see that is in the Hebrew Shema, which says, hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one echad. And it is talking about the Trinity, the oneness of God. And so these three distinct beings, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, are really echad. And maleness, femaleness, brought together through God, are echad. This is sacred. Our identity is that our identity is reflecting the image of God. We're like, the moon, a cold, dark stone. We don't have any light of our own, but we reflect the light of the sun. That's who we are. Our image is In God, in Christ. And so this teaching, this is probably the most important thing you can teach your daughter today. Right now, many of our TrueGirl resources teach that, that's kind of a flyby. I call that drinking from a fire hose version of it. But you break that down very slowly for your girls through different resources, through different touch points. I mean let's take like a four year old girl. All we want to do to her is say it's great that God chose you to be a girl. Isn't it great that God made you a girl? It is great to be a girl. And you're just affirming the beauty of femaleness because God thinks it's beautiful or he wouldn't have said this is one of two things that helps you reflect my image.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That you know, I look at the countercultural message of that and image crafting is a word that has come into being with the advent of social media and kids, even if they wouldn't say it out loud, they, they are really dedicated to this image crafting, creating and crafting this image that they want to portray to the world. This is how I want to be known. This is how I want to seen. And they're given so many options for because the whole world is customized. This is how I am seen. And Dannah that is, it is always destined for failure because we cannot in our human limitation craft an image of ourselves that is anywhere close to the beauty of the way that God crafted us in our mother's womb. We know that from the psalms that he, he, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We hear that all the time and we see that and seeing that, you know, listening to what what I should be or what I and conformity is, you know, you've got to be like everybody else, but you have to be different at the same time. There's all of these conflicting messages that are really confusing because they're not based on absolute truth. And I'm convinced that's what's driving a lot of anxiety in kids today because everything just seems like it's shifting. What's celebrated today is canceled tomorrow. And we have got to build our kids identity and their lives and their faith on the unshakable truth that is God's wor.
Born to be Brave is a ministry for dads and sons about image and identity
And one of the things I'm really appreciative about your ministry is that you also have born to be brave. This is a ministry for dads and sons because image and identity is not just something that impacts girls, it impacts boys too. So tell me about what led you to launch this parallel ministry for boys.
Dannah Gresh: Well, biggest thing is, over the course of two decades, what about my son? What about my son? Letters. And so, I turned to my husband Bob, and I was like, what are you going to do with this? he worked with a team to craft the Born to Be Brave live event. And I'm so proud of it. They're going to jump out in the True Girl tour bus here in another week or so and head out on tour for a few cities. And, it is. I wish you could see fathers and sons having that same kind of moment you described at the beginning of the show where they're asked a question, a hard question, and then dad gets to be there to have a front row seat to hear the heart of his son. And at intermission, we have dads walk. This is unbelievable to me, but dads walking out with tears in their eyes, being like, I just had the most powerful encounter with my son in my entire life. But it's the same kind of heart that we have of putting dad in the driver's seat. This is so important to us. Mom and dad in the driver's seat of the moral development of our children. We live in a world that more and more says that no, the teachers, the school, the state, they can be in the driver's seat of moral development. But mom and dad, they might get in the way of that true moral development. And that's not what God's word Sundays. In Deuteronomy 6 and other places, mom and dad are assigned the task of the moral development and the nurturing of their children's belief system. And so at Born to be Brave, we put dad in the driver's seat. And so many times it is a game changing night for those fathers when they realize the critical importance of their role. Sometimes, you know, parents attending our events are not absent parents, but sometimes we all get in kind of, autopilot, right? And when you come to one of our events, when you read one of our books, we just remind you, hey, this is going to go so fast and you matter so much. And then we just say, here's a conversation, have it with your kid. And just having that conversation is the wake up call. you know, because you have daughters who are, what, in college? Post college, Right?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.
Dannah Gresh: Wasn't it a blink? I mean, yes, oh, yes. If I could go back and not be too busy taking out the trash a time or two more and not be too busy, finishing a report for work when my kids are like, will you play cards with me?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes.
Dannah Gresh: Wouldn't I? In a second.
Dr. Jessica Peck: In a second. Well, Dannah and that's the opportunity that you create. even as I shared with you at the beginning, that is still a memory that we have. And I think you're right. When we're living at the speed of a smartphone, sometimes we're not intentionally neglectful, but we're just letting things go by without being intentional and grabbing that moment. And I think it can be harder sometimes for dads to initiate conversation like that. I mean, I. It's somewhat natural for me to talk to my girls. I know about Janie and Joanie and Jenny and, you know, all of the girl drama that's going on. But sometimes having. Helping dads to have those meaningful conversations is so important. Listen, don't go away. We have much more to talk about with Dannah Gresh, and we'll be right back. On the other side of this break.
When we look at the Protestant Reformation, one of the big flashpoint issues was scripture
Here'S Dr. Michael Kruger from the American Family Studios documentary the God who Speaks.
Dr. Michael Kruger: Yeah. When we look at the Protestant Reformation, one of the big flashpoint issues, obviously, was the issue of scripture. What is the highest authority in the believer's life? Sola scriptura. scripture alone is the only foundation authority for believers. The reformers never suggested that the scripture was the only authority for believers, but, rather the only infallible authority for believers. The Protestant vision was a response to a church that had lowered the doctrine of scripture, had refused to submit to scripture, had raised church tradition, in the words of the Pope, functionally over scripture. and so the reformists said, if we're going to have a reformation, if we're going to. get back to the way things should be, we've got to restore scripture to its proper place as the highest authority in the life of the believer. Visit thegodwhospeaks.org.
Let The Church Sing by Tauren Wells and gio: We love one truth. We crown one name. We bow to one king we follow one way, one faith, one gospel, one cross, one grave, one resurrection we share by grace so we sing no one like our, God Only one we need Holy is our Lord. Hallelujah. Let the church sing no one like our God Only one we need Holy is our Lord.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Let the church sing by Tauren Wells. And I hope that you are singing a song in your heart today as you are listening. Thanks so much for tuning in. And we're talking about something really important today, so don't miss this, because in a world full of secrets, one thing that is not a secret is that raising kids in today's world isn't easy. One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing older generations speak words of doom over parents today. Saying things like, like, I'm so glad that my kids weren't raised in this generation. I'm so glad I don't have to raise kids with smartphones. I'm so glad that I am not raising kids in today's world. This is, these are words of death. We need to speak words of life. And parents are navigating really hard conversations about identity and relationships and faith like they never have before.
Dannah Gresh is founder of Born to Be Brave and True Girl Ministries
And that's why I'm so glad to welcome Dannah Gresh today speaker, author, founder of True Girl Ministries and Born to Be Brave. And through her best selling books and live events, Dannah has equipped parents with practical tools to disciple their children while also building deeper grace, grace filled connections in their family. That's so important. She's got humor, she's got honesty, and most of all, a heart for God's word. And Dannah has become a source of encouragement. I know for many of you listening out there for families who just want to raise sons and daughters to know who they are in Christ. And Dannah before the break, we were talking about the Born to be Brave events and the importance of that father involvement in sons lives. And I think, you know, speaking from my conversations with my husband, they just have a very different mindset and what they want to teach their kids and teach their sons especially. And I'm thinking about just some of those practical things that they want them to know how to do, to change a tire, to throw a basketball. And probably all the dads out there cringing right now saying, oh, that just sounds so cringey when you say it. But you know what I'm talking about. But sometimes it can be really hard for dads to initiate those heartfelt, deeper conversations. So what do you say to dads? How does this ministry in Born to be Brave help prepare dads to really engage with kids intentionally on their faith?
Dannah Gresh: Yeah, well, so first of all, we believe so much that there's when a heart is open and it can receive truth. So how does a heart get opened? It's opened with laughter, it's opened with fun. It's open when we let our guard down. So all of our events are the most fun. Ah, we like to say it's the most fun you're ever going to have digging into God's word with your child. And at the Born to Be Brave events, we have this thing called the wheel of destruction. And it is.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, that already sounds fun.
Dannah Gresh: Trailer tire. Yes. It's, It's absolute chaos. My husband hits the Goodwill store in the city that we're in that day and buys stuff. usually there's a dollhouse there, and the boys love it when the wheel of destruction crushes the dollhouse. But they break stuff, okay? That is what opens up the hearts of these fathers and sons. They love the wheel of destruction. They worship together. They do some really fun, crazy guy games, and. And then they open the word of God. And what, they're just like girls? We, want to be known. We want to be beautiful, we want to be seen. That's kind of the deep need in our heart for guys. And this is stereotypical, but it's still most. Most guys want to know they are enough. They have what it takes. They want to be respected. And so because of that, there's all these. This pressure for them to be courageous and brave. And sometimes they're the wrong kind of courageous and brave. So we define bravery at the Born to be brave shows as this doing the next right thing. The Bible says the righteous are bold as lions. What is a righteous person? It's a person that's doing the next right thing. That's what it's like to be brave. And so being brave might be. You see your mom bringing the groceries in, and she has loads and loads to go. And you stand up and you go to the back of the car and you help her. Being brave might be saying no when somebody invites you to look at pornography with them, which is happening increasingly more and more where it's not just a solo act, but people are boys and girls both are being invited by friends to look. you say no, teaching them that skill. And dads getting to say, ah, I know what it's like for my son to want to be enough and want to be brave. And I know what it feels like to not say no to the things I wish I had. It is again, get your husband to an event. We're going to be in Orlando. We're going to be in Michigan. We're going to be in Ohio. We're going to be in North Carolina, South Carolina in the next two weeks with Born to be Brave. And it is just a sight to see fathers and sons connecting and getting intimate with each other and being strategic about discipling their boys.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I appreciate that so much because as I said, you know, at the top of this, segment, it is really hard.
Dannah, what role do you see as grandparents or extended family
The challenges. It is true that the challenges we're facing as parents today are challenges that feel unprecedented. And sometimes I see parents who, you know, feel like older generations can't understand that because you didn't have smartphones, you didn't have social media. But Dannah what we know is that the sin that underrides the temptation that is the undercurrent of all of these things, those things are the same. And grandparents know about being resilient and being faithful and all of those character traits that we want to have. And so what do you see? What role do you see as grandparents or extended family? How does that play into your ministry? How do you leverage those faithful people in our kids lives who we can point to to show some hope?
Dannah Gresh: So important. you know that passage in Deuteronomy, it says that the assignment is to mom and dad, but I should correct that to say it says teach them to your children and your grandchildren. So it is also the task of grandparents to do this moral development work. And as grandparents, we don't want to be just, free babysitting. We don't want to be just putt putt golf. I took two of my grandkids putt putt golfing last week. Don't do it. It's really, don't do it. They're not, I don't know what age they're ready, but not my grandkids, they're not ready yet. we don't want to be just that. We want to be strategic about our time with them. We want to talk to them about time in the word. We want to talk to them about Jesus. We want to tell them the stories of our family faith, legacy, how you came to know Jesus, how you watched their mom or their dad come to know Jesus. we want to be intentional about that. My husband years ago said, I want to spend 10 hours a week when we're grandparents being grandparents. And now we're grandparents. We have four grandbabies under the age of six. And we spend ten hours a week. And I would say a lot of that time is putt putt golfing too much, to my regret and ice cream and all that kind of stuff. But in those moments, we're looking for the opportunity to talk about Jesus. So don't forget that when you're driving around with your grandkids, talk about be the generation that tells the next generation about the faithfulness of God.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Hm. That is so inspiring and what a beautiful gift that you've given to invite invest 10 hours a week in your grandkids. I, I think that's incredibly beautiful. I don't know how many grandparents out there would be willing to take up that challenge, not only to spend that many hours per week with your grandkids, but to be intentionally discipling them. And if. And there I see a lot of grandparents who think I want to help, but I need just a little help understanding, you know, the things that kids are facing today. And that's where you come into that with Born to Be Brave and with True Girl Ministries, where you can give them some perspective and open the doors to those conversations in exactly the way that you were talking about. I think that's a really beautiful thing. I can say that my in laws also did the same thing when my, father in law retired from his job. He was very successful in what he did. He said, I want to be intentional in being a present grandparent. And so he wanted to invest in some places that we could go and travel together and, you know, give that gift to us, which was so beautiful. But what he was getting was time, time with us. And now that my kids are adults and in college, actually, I was just sitting with them last night around their kitchen table, and they said, you know, the greatest gift that we've gotten in retirement is investing in the relationship with our grandkids. They know us, they love us, we know them, we love them. But, you know, my, my father in law will text each of my kids every morning with a script. just a word of encouragement. Just this is what I'm praying for you. Isn't that beautiful? And I remember another time. yeah, go ahead.
Dannah Gresh: But what you're saying is so important because, like, for Bob And I, it's 10 hours. For them it was a trip. And texting in the morning, there's no like biblical thing that says spend 10 hours a week with your grandkids or take them on extravagant trips or send them a text in the morning. But, but the scripture is specific to say invest. And you have to let the Holy Spirit guide you in what that kind of investment is. It's going to look different for all of us.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It absolutely is. And that's, that's the really, the beautiful thing. They looked at what they had and their time and their gifting, and they did even move closer to be closer to us because they said we want to be those kind of grandparents. Not that just visit at Thanksgiving, but we want to show up at all of the school events. And I realize that is not possible for everyone, just like you're saying, Dannah every family is different. But what is the way that you can invest? Is it that trip where you come and you are there or you invite them for, cousin camp or whatever it is that you're going to host? I think that's absolutely beautiful. Well, Dannah I want to know what is your hope for the next generation of true girls and born to be. Born to be brave boys? What do you see on the horizon for your ministry?
Dannah Gresh: Oh, that is such a big question. I think my heart is that they just really would walk in freedom. And I think that the area where we are all at risk of the least freedom right now. Again, going back to the beginning when we were talking about Satan being a magician and doing this sleight of hand trick, over on the right side of the stage are all these scary things we're afraid of. And over on the left side is our screens. Our screens are a place where we are being enslaved. Not just our kids, but us. There are clinics all across the country right now raising up. They are screen, addiction clinics, basically. And they're for kids and young adults who have fried their brains on the dopamine feed of their screens. And really the anxiety and the depression, even the suicidal ideation, if you want to trace the growth, so much of it. There's like a hockey stick spike of growth that started with the advent of the smartphone and the apps that began to be addictive to us, starting with MySpace back in 2007, 2008, 2009. And so I see my prayer is for my true girls and for our born to be brave boys to grow up. And they're carrying scripture on that phone. They're on their phone. What if God was there too? And so we are imagining ways right now we're investing almost a million dollars into an app for teen girls to be in God's word that will such a way that it will compete with TikTok. You know that it's not your grandma's app for Bible devos, but it is active and interactive and engaging. But my heart is the that the church would translate what we are doing, translate the scriptures into the language they're speaking, which is digital. They speak a native language of digital. How do we go there so that instead of becoming addicted to mindless, useless things, and it might not be sinful things, it just might not be fruitful things, and go there so that we speak the digital language and they can walk in freedom even when they're looking at their screens and their screens can be reminding them, look up, look up to Jesus. And look up to other people and their faces and be present.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Dannah I appreciate that so very much. And I can affirm what you're saying about the rise of addiction to digital platforms. And I, even in my own practice, have had a little boy in elementary school who physically assaulted his mom when she took away his video game console. I mean, these things are very, very. And I'm so appreciative of your engagement and investment. I mean, wow, what an investment. I'm definitely going to be watching that. Because this generation, Generation Z, they're digital natives. They grew up with technology. They expect it Gen Alpha. They don't just expect technology. They expect excellent technology. They expect it to meet them at the point of need. And technology in and of itself is not a bad thing. And so what if we can harness it for the good? It's not enough. That's been part of my critique of the anxious generation by Jonathan Haidt, is that we can't just get rid of smartphones and then say, problem solved, we've got to replace it. Romans 12, it talks about transforming. We're renewing our minds. And so doing that is so important. Well, Dannah we are already at the end of our time together. I've so enjoyed my conversation with you today. Please tell our listeners where they can find out more about True Girl, ministries and Born to be brave.
Dannah Gresh: Yeah, mytruegirl.com put the word my in front of True Girl and borntobebrave.com we would love to see at one of our live events.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That would be fantastic. And Dannah again, thank you so much for your legacy, for your ministry, for your investment in future generations. That I can tell you, as I shared at the very beginning, that moment that I had, that you provided is one of my favorite memories with my girl. So thank you for that. And listen wherever you are when you're listening. I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his way face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace as you celebrate your independence, your freedom in Christ. And we'll see you right here next time. Be blessed.
Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Dannah Gresh, founder of True Girl and Born to be Brave, joins Jessica to talk about parenting tweens and teens.
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