Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends and welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And it is my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay. I'm so happy that it is Friday and we are here at a weekend and whatever you're going to do. Have you heard this this term? Lately I've been hearing moms talk about something called May sember. It's like May is as busy as Christmas with all of the end of school things, with graduation, with just all of the things. And I even see this, you know, when I went to school, like we might have had a little end of year party, maybe there was some cookies, some punch. Now it's like, okay, we have dress up week. They've got to wear this on Monday, this on Tuesday, bring this snack on Wednesday. It's like, it's all fun, but it's a little much. And I am right there with you as a mom of four. I am in the middle of this May symber and it is a little bit crazy. And what we're going to talk about today is going to be convicting for both you and me. I'll give you fair warning and hopefully it will be compelling for you to feel empowered to make some changes in those healthy habits for your family. If you've been following along since December. We are on a journey to have 52 habits for healthy families. We start started in January. With spiritual disciplines, prayer, scripture, church and worship, we moved into some rhythms that you need for your family. That's a rhythm of being grateful. Having a daily devotional morning and bedtime routine, good sleep, hygiene, having family dinner and a weekly check in. And then we spent about a month talking about communication habits, listening to your family with your face, listening with the gift of your face, how to give words of affirmation, how to apologize sincerely, how to write letters and how to model your faith. Last week we talked about giving generously and we talked about giving generously of your time. Now if you're thinking, wait a second, I've missed out on this, don't worry, you can go back to the doctor, nurse mama coaching minutes or listen to any Friday show and catch up. But today we're talking about prioritizing family time. And this is something that is really difficult. It's something I have struggled with, I still struggle with, and I know a lot of us struggle with. So be forewarned. I'm about to step on your toes, but I hope you won't tune out, because this is a message that we all need to hear. We're going to talk about something that really is uncomfortable for us to talk about, if I'm really honest. But it is necessary and I feel convicted to deliver this message today. I want to talk about the subtle unraveling of family connections in the name of doing it all. We live in a culture that runs at a frantic pace. We are living at the speed of a smartphone, and busy is a badge of honor. And it's not actually, that is a lie. But productivity often takes precedence over presence. It's more important for us to be productive, to accomplish, to achieve, to acquire, to attain. We are shuttling kids to sports. We are staying up late for school projects. We are answering work emails at the dinner table or at our kids school events, all while convincing ourselves this is what good parents do and this is just the way that life is. But somewhere along the way, we've traded being together for doing more. And our families are quietly starving for real connection. I see this evident in this generation of kids who is so hungry for connection. And the scary thing is they're finding it in social media. They find it in a hundred other ways that are not us. There are forces that will rise up and fill that hunger for connection if we don't. Because here's the hard truth. We are, often physically present. We're saying, yes, I'm prioritizing family time. I was at the soccer fields on Saturday. We were at church together on Sunday. We had dinner together on Monday. But if you really look at yourself honestly, you might find that you're emotionally or mentally absent even when you're physically present. And our devices, those glowing little rectangles that give us a little blue light, window into the fake world that someone else has created. They have really become a modern wedge in relationships. And studies show this was really convicting to me. Did you know the average person now spends, about 5, 43% of their waking hours? That's about half looking at a screen. Now you might think, well, does that include work? Well, yes, that could include work. But does it include the time you lay in bed watching reels before you put your phone down? I know I just said that so hard, but it's so true. It's half of our life engaged with pixels instead of people. That is not the way that God intended It. And while we might be in the same room, we can be in the same room, but completely different digital worlds where every person is scrolling, is streaming, is swiping, all in their own little island. And we're missing conversations, we're missing laughter, we're missing eye contact, we are missing connection. In Ephesians 5, chapter 5, verses 15 and 16, God's Word urges us to be very careful then how you live. Not as unwise, but as wise. Making the most of every opportunity. That is the convicting point for us today, to make the most of every opportunity that we have, and especially when that includes family time. If we are not careful, we realize, we look back and we see all the opportunities that we missed. They weren't missed promotions, they weren't perfect grades. It was the lost dinner time conversation that was relaxed and unhurried. I feel so convicted about this because, it was a while ago when I first started feeling the stress of this, of living at the speed of a smartphone. And I was asking my kids what phrase they heard me say most often. And my son looked at me without hesitation and he said, oh, I know what phrase you say all the time. Hurry up. And I thought, oh, that is not what I want my legacy to be. Hurry up. Come on, let's go. Hurry, hurry, hurry. We got. Let's go. We're late. I realized we had to do something different. And sometimes we just forfeit those things for convenience or for pursuit of things that are good. They're not bad things. But we're taking the good over what could be excellent. And so today, I want to invite you to take a really bold step. Not a grand one, not a radical one, but a deliberate, intentional one. I invite you to recalibrate, to recognize that good things like academics, athletics, ambitions, whatever it is, they can still rob us if they come at the cost of the best things. We are trading best for good. And I'll share a simple tool that we use in our home, a cardboard box that really completely changed the way that we connect. And we're going to do it again this summer. And I'm going to walk you through some practical ways to reclaim your family's most precious and fleeting asset. It is not your money. It is not anything but your time that is the most precious gift that God has given you on this earth is your time. And so many of us obsess over our budget. We hoard our money or we spend our money, but we don't even think about how we budget our time. And so let's Let the stop letting technology rob our families of connection and start leading with intentionality, one moment at a time. So when we look, it is hard to push against our culture because it glorifies hustle, sports and school and work and volunteering. Again, all of those things are good. But it doesn't matter if we're physically connected, if we're relationally disconnected. And the result is we're giving our best to our calendar and the leftover to our families.

Technology is a master thief of time. It is distracting us from relationships

Now, let's dive into a little bit about technology because it is a tool, but I am convinced it is a master thief of presence. It is stealing time. And the enemy loves that. He loves to take away our time wasted on screens, on streaming shows. Again, some of those things are not bad. It's not bad to scroll through social media. It's not bad to necessarily bad to stream, depending on what you're consuming, of course. But we're. But we're. Do you want to have not bad. And let that take away best. Those notifications, the endless scrolling that just one more email. Those are eating away from dinner tables and bedtime stories and heart to heart conversations and what we call just a few minutes. Just a minute. I, want you to think about how many times a day you say that to your kids, to your spouse, to anyone who's asking for your time. They call your name and you say, just a minute. What are you really doing in that minute? Now, there's a lot of times, yes, we're doing important things, and especially if you have littles at home, that can be really challenging, but that just a few minutes actually adds up to hours and hours of absence. And technology is a silent thief of time. Not because it bursts through the door, it's demanding our attention, it's just quietly stealing moments. One notification, one scroll, one binge watched episode at a time. And it disguises itself. Oh, it's convenience, it's connection. But more often than not, technology is distracting us from the people who are right in front of us. We're reaching for our phones to relax, to numb out, to just cut off the noise from the world. But we can go hours slipping by on a screen without a real conversation. And we convince ourselves, hey, we're multitasking. But we know actually multitasking doesn't work. And our presence is divided, our focus is diluted. And before we know it, our days are just sucked into those screens, those moments that make up that meaningful family life. Laughing around the dinner table, just being together is just lost in the digital noise and the Static of our homes. Now, again, like I said, technology isn't inherently evil, but if it is unchecked, it becomes a master rather than a tool. And perhaps the greatest tragedy is that we don't often realize that we've even been robbed until it's too late. All of a sudden, you have a big fight with your kid, with your spouse, and you're thinking, what is this relational distance? Like, what happened? What even happened? And then you realize that technology has been stealing your time, and slowly your relationship is drifting away. Things are happening that you don't notice, emotions are bubbling that you don't address. And by the time that comes to a crisis, at the surface, we've lost. We've been robbed.

Hustle culture glorifies nonstop productivity; it wounds families

The other problem is that hustle culture. Hustle culture, it glorifies nonstop productivity. I mean, we see like, hey, a ah, hustle. Early mornings, late nights, side gigs, a calendar so full, there's really no space left for rest. And I know that. I know as a mom, as the summer is coming, we feel pressured to program every single second of every day. Every day has to be curated for our kids. And that is a lie. That's not true. Designed us to need rest. And we can rest together. Just playing a board game or going on a walk together, or even if you're watching or consuming media together, the same thing. That would be a big shift. But hustle culture tells us that our worth is in what we produce. And not just what we produce as far as work, but the kind of kids we produce. Kids have become a product in this modern culture. And if we are really honest with ourselves, we see see our kids as an extension of ourselves, as a representation of who we are, what we do, what kind of parents we are. And we're making a product instead of raising a real life human being. But also we can find worth in what we earn, how busy we stay. And what that doesn't tell us is how deeply this hustle culture pace is wounding our families. I know that's a bold statement, but I'm going to say it. Because when hustle becomes the heartbeat of our homes, our kids are learning that achievements matter more than affection, and success is more meaningful than presence. And we may provide everything for our families, but if we're too exhausted or distracted to be with them, we've missed the point. That constant pursuit of more is leaving us with less. That is the truth. Less time, less peace, less connections, fewer moments that bring that lifelong trust that build relationships. Families are not thriving on busyness. They are thriving on presence. On eye contact, on unrushed time to simply be together, not hustle culture. It may build resumes, and we see that those achievements are not bad. They're not bad things. But it won't build relationships automatically. And in the end, it is the relationships that matter most. Listen, I told you from the beginning I was going to speak some tough truths today. But we are going, but we've got to speak those tough truths. And when we come back, I will talk some more about, what presence really means. And I'll tell you about that phone box that I have in my own house, as well as revisit a show we had earlier that this week that brought forth some tender thoughts. Hey, listen, if you're wanting to spend time with your family that's not on a screen this summer, how about you join American Family association at the Ark? You can go to AFA and look at their website and you can find all kinds of information. I'll tell you more about that when we come back, too. When a woman experiences an unplanned pregnancy, she often feels alone and afraid. So many times her first response is to seek out an abortion. But because of the generosity of listeners like you, that search may lead her to a PreBorn Network clinic. PreBorn offers God's love and compassion to hurting women and then provides a free ultrasound to introduce them to the life growing inside them. This combination brings the ultimate miracle of life to life and doubles a, baby's chance at life, which is why preborn saw over 67,000 babies rescued last year alone. Meet Maddie. Maddie was in a tough situation, as she wasn't sure who the father was. But after receiving counseling, prayer, and a free ultrasound at a PreBorn Network clinic, everything changed. Maddie discovered she had twins, and found the strength she needed to choose life. Your tax deductible donation of $28 sponsors one ultrasound. How many babies can you save? Please donate your best gift today. Just dial Pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's Pound 250, baby. Or go to preborn.com /AFR that's preborn.com /AFR

>> Honestly, We Just Need Jesus by Terrian: That we're needing.

Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong? We say that is right. Honestly, I. I think we just need Jesus.

Dr. Jessica Peck:

Welcome back, friends. That is honestly, we just need Jesus by Terrian and we're talking today about a subject that's really tough. And we do need God's help in Our lives. We're talking about spending quality time with your family. Now, as I said, if you want to do something fun this summer, American Family association is inviting you to join them at the Ark on October 30th and 31st. This is a visit to the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter in Kentucky, as in Noah's Ark. And you can find out all about that at AFA.net/events and click on AFA at the Ark. You'll see it right there. The AFA vice presidents, Tony Vitagliano, Walker Wildmon, Wesley Wildmon are all inviting you to that. You'll get a tour, you'll get a breakfast, you'll get a dinner, you'll get a panel presentation. All the details are at AFA.net/events and when we're talking about what we're doing with our family, so often, as I was saying, and this is tough stuff, so be prepared, I'm going to step on your toes, but mine included, because this is something I struggle with, too. We do live in a culture that glorifies achievements. I'm talking straight A's, elite teams, college prep sports. And we as parents can feel that crushing weight to keep up. And somewhere along the way, we started believing the lie that good parenting means giving our kids everything they want exactly when they want it, and engineering their lives to be so smooth and so successful that they never feel disappointment, they never feel discomfort. Everything is tailored to them. And we're creating a world in which everything is customized for them. They order everything, dish that they want exactly how they want it on an app. And they are, we're raising them to believe that the world will adapt to them. And that's just not in. That's not the truth. And last weekend when I was with Nick V Ministries, he said something that was really convicting to me. And he said, in doing all of this and in prioritizing our kids and our family time, ooh, this is really hard. We sacrifice our marriages on the idol of our children. Oh, isn't that really tough? We sacrifice our marriage, our peace, even our sanity on the altar of their happiness. Oh, that is really, really tough. But so often I find myself feeling pulled to bend over backwards to make their lives wonderful. But I often feel burned out or you can even start to feel resentful or relationally distant from your spous, because everything that you're doing is trying to be for the kids. When our whole family ecosystem revolves around schedules, desires, and achievements of our kids, we are risking raising children who are accomplished but anxious. Okay, that is what the research shows. They are indulged but ungrateful. They are connected to opportunity, but disconnected from character. I know, I know this is so hard to say out loud, but true love does not look like constant indulgence. It looks like healthy limits and sacrificial love between spouses and teaching our kids. They are such a valuable and wanted part of the family, but the world does not revolve around them. So when we're talking about prioritizing family time, if you're in a home where you have a spouse and you're raising children, make sure you're prioritizing time for your marriage. Your kids need it. That's where they get their security from. And if you're in a home where you're raising kids and you are not in a marriage for whatever reason, make sure you're prioritizing time to take care of yourself. Because your kids psychological, physical safety depends on your health, on your emotional, your mental, your physical health. So don't feel badly about prioritizing that and doing what you need. I'm not talking about indulgence and luxuries. I'm talking about just basic sanity and basic exercise and nutrition and sleep. Making sure you're prioritizing those things. And I know that's really hard. But what presence really mean is more than being in the room. It means being mentally, emotionally and spiritually available when you're spending time together, that you are mentally dialed in, that you are emotionally dialed in, and that you are spiritually dialed in. Kids can tell when you're with them, but your mind is somewhere else. Kids can tell when you're with them, but you're not recognizing their emotions or you're trying to just do a quick fix. Kids can tell when you're with them, but you're not guiding them spiritually because it's not coming and overflowing authentically from your own life. Quality time requires intentionality, requires being really thoughtful about it. And I'll be honest, as a working mom, I wrestle with this a lot. The pressure to be everywhere, everyone to everything, is relentless. And I want to be that mom who shows up with the Pinterest snacks. I want to be that mom who never misses a moment and who supports every dream my kids have. But I also want to be excellent in the work that God has called me to. I want to show my value. I want to keep all the plates spinning. But somewhere in the middle of all that striving, we neglect our own health. We neglect our marriage health. We sacrifice our Own well being on the altar of being perfect family. And we can hand over sleep and presence and pursuit and doing it all. And it leaves us burned out. So here's what I started doing. I got honest with myself, and I named that idol for what it was. The need to be needed and the pride in being everything to everyone. And the lie that I could have it all. But we can't have it all. If. If I'm the mom that is working, then I'm probably not the mom that's gonna have the Pinterest snacks, but I can make good friends with the mom that does. And we can work together to use each other's strengths. But I am the mom that if your kid has a problem, if your kid's in crisis, I can be there in a heartbeat. I'm comfortable. I can step in. I know what to do. And we have got to stop thinking that we have to do everything. You know, I think about that was one thing that prior generations did. They raised their kids in a village. They helped each other. They did each other's laundry, they cooked with each other. They. They watched each other. There's kids and helped each other. We need to do those things. We've got to say no to some things so that we can say yes to what matters most. We've got to learn that it doesn't mean maybe having a gourmet meal on the table every night. Maybe our house is a little messy in one day, but you were present and you were there when your kid needed you for a really important conversation. It's all about choosing connection over performance, choosing presence over perfection. That's really important.

Jessica: Here are some practical tips for recalibrating priorities this summer

So one thing my family did last summer that I told you I would share with you is something we called the phone box. And we're going to do it again this summer. It was very, very simple. I'm talking about a cardboard box. And we'd say, hey, everybody's gonna put their phone in the box. And we would just all put our phones in the box. It was that simple. There was nothing techy about it, nothing expensive, but we just all dropped our devices in. Now my son put a little post it note on it and started tracking how much time we earned back for our family. And let me tell you, it was convicting to see how much time piled up over the summer, how much time we lost where maybe we'd all sit on the couch or all do our own thing, all stream our own thing and just kind of be together, but not together. But those minutes that we stole back they turned into board games and deep conversations and laughter that I didn't even know we were missing. It's beautiful. And this is not about feeling ashamed, about feeling defeated. It's about just choosing to realign with what matters most. So here are some practical tips for recalibrating. If you're thinking, okay, all right, Jessica, you're talking to me. This is my family. What can we do? Well, the first thing that I would tell you to do is pray about it. Pray and ask God to help you be cognizant of it. Help you to be aware of the times where you are together, but not together, and those times where you can connect. And I would encourage you to pray and ask God to convict you and to equip you. And he is faithful to do that. And here are some other practical things that you might do. Maybe this summer you can have a tech free zone or a tech free time. Now we'll talk more about that when the summer comes. All of the habits in the summer are going to live primarily in that managing tech. We will navigate that beast and we will try our best to conquer it. But maybe you create a visible family calendar and you're scheduling not just your commitments, but you're scheduling connection. And look at that family calendar and keep track of the times that you have connection. Maybe it's with each individual kid, maybe it's with your spouse, maybe it's with someone else that you love in your family. Are you scheduling that connection, making sure, hey, I need to check in with this person? Now, one of our previous habits was a weekly check in, having that connection where everybody's sitting down together. Or maybe everybody's on a group text, text even. But you're having that check in for connection. Are you scheduling connection with your family? And you can do that with that weekly check in. And maybe it's, it's using car rides as a connection time. Maybe that's your tech free zone that you have. But just think about how can you schedule a connection that's really important and just model what you want to see, because parents set the tone for all of this. Our kids are going to do what we do, not, what we say for them to do. And if you invite accountability, delivered with respect, of course, let me tell you, kids will do it. You can say, hey, we have a new family rule. And it's that, you know, nobody's going to use a phone at the table or wherever you're going to connect. And you can call me out if you see me breaking the rule. Oh, they love to do that, but it makes them more invested in it. And that can be a great tool to use. And you know, friend, you can't change what happened yesterday, but you can change what starts today. You have the power to do that. Your presence is the greatest present that you could ever give your children. So I encourage you to stop giving your families the leftover of your attention or to pursue accomplishments over connection. You are really setting the temperature of your home, of that connection, and I encourage you to do that. So think about how can you be intentional in prioritizing your family time and I'll share with you. Even yesterday, I actually went to testify in, the state legislature and it was hard because my daughter had an event that I had promised that I would be at and of course the hearing went longer than usual and I had to get up in the middle and walk out of the middle of the hearing and say, I've made a commitment to my daughter and I will not break that commitment. Now there have been times that I have done that where I have, disappointed my kids. And I'm just determined that, that I was going to make a new way forward. So I can tell you I'm practicing what I'm preaching. I'm living it out. I've walked this road. I'm still learning and I'm still learning about so many different things.

Body image, disordered eating, these are very complex issues

And one of the things I learned this week was that earlier this week on the show, we had a show about food addiction. And I learned so much more about it and learned that this is such a topic that stirs up a lot of deep emotions for many of us. And I heard from many of you about this in your struggle. And so I wanted to go back and revisit that and to close some loops. Now it's impossible for me to tell you everything that I want you to know or that, that we need to know or to wrap all of that up in a neat little bow and just a few minutes here. But I want to hit some high points and to go back and to close some open ended loops that we left from that show and that when we're talking about those kinds of struggles, body image, disordered eating, these are just very tender, complex issues and they often carry years of shame and distorted beliefs and generational pain that we are carrying on. And it is not just about food. It is not just about appearance. This is about, identity, this is about control, this is about self image. And I know that when you struggle with this, whether it is food addiction Whether it is body image, whether it is substances, whether it is anxiety, depression, whatever that is, that struggle that you have, it is a messy sort of journey that is, up and down. And you can have, periods of time that are really strong, and then you can have relapses. And I want you to know that God sees and God knows. And, and we talked about on the show how God can heal anything. And that is absolutely true. You know, sometimes that healing is long, and sometimes it's messy, and sometimes it's just God being present with you in that struggle. And as you reach out for help, as you have the courage to handle that pain, to address it, to walk through it, to seek your own healing journey, God will be with you in that. Because many times what may have happened to you to start that generational pain, to start that cycle of dysfunction, to start that cycle of addiction, many times what happened to you may not have been your fault, but your healing journey is your responsibility. And that is something that you have to take up. And that's where God will walk with you. Now, even from the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, the enemy used food to, distort truth. We talk about an apple and whisper lies and so confusion. And that apple was never just an apple. It was a wedge between trust and the truth, between God's provision and our perception. And here we are, thousands of years later, many of us are still wrestling with those same lies. You are not enough. You have to be perfect. Your worth is in your appearance. But here's the truth. Each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made, not in the image of culture, but in the image of a holy and loving God. And when we hide from that truth, when we criticize our reflections, when we try to earn our value through shrinking ourselves, through hiding ourselves, we hide those dysfunctions, just like Adam and Eve hid in the Garden of Eden. We pass those same messages onto our children. And if they look like us, but we're speaking unkindly about the way that we look, they start to wonder if those words apply to them, too. They think, great, I look just like you, so you must think the same thing. This conversation isn't just about body image. It's about freedom and healing and. And reclaiming the truth of who we are in Christ. And so when we come back, I'm going to talk about the power of being in pictures for your family. We've talked about being present. I want you to be present in those pictures, too. And I'll tell you something that my kids said that was really convicting and how I have overcome it. And we'll talk about that. I'll also have some words of encouragement for you on this Ask doctor Nurse Mama Friday, how do you survive your kids graduating? I'll talk about that when we come back. Don't go away. We'll see you on the other side of this break.

Everything that you teach in the church has to be rooted in Scripture

Pastor Erwin Lutzer from the American Family

Studios documentary the God who Speaks. When Paul said to Timothy, preach the word, what Paul was saying is everything that you teach in the church has to be rooted in Scripture. Now, I believe very strongly that it has to be rooted in scripture. It has to be applied to each generation. So the applications may change. But the basic doctrines, the teachings have to be the foundation of everything that we preach. So it's not a matter of human ideas. It is actually a matter of being committed to the integrity of scripture, studying it in context so that we can say with authority that what we are teaching is based on God's Word, not our ideas nor our word. Visit thegodwhospeaks.org

>> I See You by Chris Tomlin and Brandon Lake: God of love, God of all glory. Every day I see new mercy. Great is your faithfulness m God of love, God of my story, you never fail, you never forsake me. Great is your faithfulness. I see you in the morning, I feel you in the fire by night I hear you say, child, I am with you, everything will be all right. I see you in the tears and love. I feel you in the healing cup. I hear you say the loving one. I'm with you every moment of my life. I see you, I see you.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends, on this Friday. I'm so happy that you're here with us today. That is I see you by Chris Tomlin and Brandon Lake. And I do see gad in the morning light and all of those things. If you're in tears, if you're in healing, God is with you in every moment of your life. And there are so many moments of struggle. We know that God's word tells us in this world we will have trouble. But we can take heart, we can be of good cheer because God has overcome the world and this Ask doctor Nurse Mama Friday I've been talking about the healthy habit of prioritizing time with your family. Not just time for the sake of time and your physical presence, but your emotional and your mental presence. And we've been talking about a show we had earlier in the week talking about food addiction and body image issues. And this is a big silent struggle for a lot of people. According to some research studies that I was looking at 91% of women, 91% report being unhappy with their bodies and they resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape. Listen to this. By age 6, girls start to express concerns about their weight or body shape. 40 to 60% of elementary school girls ages 6 to 12 are worried about becoming, quote unquote too fat. Among teen girls, over 80% report body dissatisfaction. Many engage in unhealthy behaviors such as disordered eating. A 2019 study found that 35% of teens now this is all teens felt the pressure to look perfect on social media. 27% of girls said they feel self conscious about their bodies because of online images. But this is not just a girl issue and we're seeing a rise of issue in boys. And I don't think that's any coincidence when we see the rise of influencers on social media who are selling products to boys and we see a trend called looks maxing where boys are using skincare regimes now and boys are looking at things like mewing, that's m e w I n g, which is jaw exercises to make your jaw more chiseled and all kinds of things like that. We find that nearly one in four boys now are dissatisfied with their bodies. They want to appear more muscular or a different way than they look. And children and teens with high levels of body dissatisfaction are significantly more likely to experience depression, anxiety, low self esteem and eating disorders later in life. Now this often becomes a lifelong struggle and we see if 91% of women are dissatisfied, 80% of teen girls, well, we have just brought them along us just quickly. And some of those common triggers are social media and cultural expectations and family influences. Now in my book Behind Closed Doors, a guide for parents and teens to navigate life's toughest issues, this is one of the issues that I addressed was eating disorders and differentiating that from disordered eating. And I said in the show on Tuesday, and I said in the book that eating disorders are actually the most deadly mental health disorder there is. But it's something that often happens quietly in a lot of secrecy and a lot of shame. And where I see this manifest a lot in family time together, which is what we're talking about is being in pictures. And you will go to any family gathering and somebody will say, let's take a picture. Invariably there will be people that will say, oh no, I don't want to be in pictures. I don't like the way I look in pictures. Let me be in the back here. You stand in front of me. Here, hide. Oh, no. Take that again. That is convicting. Because photos are a child's memory book. It is not a beauty pageant. You might see your flaws, but they see you. They see love, they see comfort. They see safety. And when we're hiding from the camera, we're teaching our kids to do the same thing. That our insecurities are shameful and they shouldn't be seen. And especially when your child looks like you and you speak harshly about you, they hear it as criticism of themselves, too. Now, again, I told you, this is convicting for me, too, because I will never forget the time my daughter took a picture of me. She handed the phone back, and before I even saw the pictures, she said, you won't like it. And I said, why? Why won't I like it? And she said, I know you don't like that angle. You won't think it's flattering. You're going to ask me to take it again. And it convicted me that my kids know my insecurities enough that they can speak like that. And what children overhear, that becomes their inner voice. Criticizing our own bodies teaches them to scrutinize theirs. And that can be really, really hard. And so, mamas, our kids, need to see us in the pictures. Grandmas, whoever it is, our kids need to see us in the pictures in the memory book and the storybook of their life. Because when kids look at those pictures, guess what? They do not see flabby arms. They don't see crow's feet. They don't see rounded bellies or any other insecurities in our looks. They see our presence in their life. They see our arms wrapped around them in affectionate embrace. They see us looking at them with love in their. In our eyes. They see us holding hands with our spouse. They see us engaged in play. They see the dimensions of our personality. They see us present in the moment. They see a tangible record of us woven into the tapestry of their life story. And on my last birthday, one of my children sent me pictures of me and them together. And let me tell you, these are not pictures that I would say, oh, yes, let's definitely put that on social media, because I love that picture. But it's pictures of me being very silly, very real in their life. It's pictures of me just being how they see me, and not my physical flaws, but in my personality and who that is. That's what they want to see.

Do you look at your photos with a ferocious inner critic's voice

So here's some tough questions that I want you to pray over, okay? Do you dread or avoid being in Photos. Do you look at your photos with a ferocious inner critic's voice, saying cruel things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else out loud? Do you speak those critical words over yourself out loud in front of your children? Do you believe the myth that you'd be happier if you were thinner, if you were more fit, or if you look differently? Or do you judge other people's bodies and pictures and compare them to your own? And do you do this out loud in front of your kids? And do you follow social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself? Well, friend, if this is you, I want you to give yourself some grace and space, okay? Grieve and grow. It is okay. We all struggle, but commit to be in this moment. We're about to have a lot of graduation ceremonies. We are about to have a lot of school events. We are about to have a lot of summer vacation pictures. I want you to be in the photo. And when you look at a photo of yourself that you don't like, you just voice out loud. Instead of criticism, I want you to voice out loud, gratitude for that moment. Compliment someone else in the picture. Give your kids the gift of preserving memories. Right in the middle of all of that messiness, all of the middle of those imperfections, all of the middle of those insecurities. Choose grace for yourself. Choose gratitude. Choose to be kind to yourself. That is really, really important. And you can talk about, like, I, love how I'm laughing in this moment. And that is important to have that, to have to not, talk about your body in terms of criticism, but just talk about the way it moves, that the way it works, the way it hugs people, the way it carries babies, whatever it is doing. Take that photo even when you don't feel camera ready. Because your presence in those memories matters more than how you look in them. It matters more than your appearance. Our, kids don't think about that. That is really, really important. And if you have been at war with your body for years, you are not weak. You are wounded. And we're all wounded in some way. That healing takes time. It takes community. Sometimes it takes professional help. You are not alone. Your story is not over. And I encourage you to reach out for the help that you need so that you can leave a legacy to the next generation of peaceful minds and modeling freedom and grace and self respect so our kids can inherit that. We don't want to leave a legacy of shame. We want to leave a legacy of love. Our bodies are meant to age. They're not meant to look perfect in every picture. That is so important. So I encourage you, as you're at the graduation, just. Just be yourself. Let them look at you. I remember used to frustrate me so much because when I would take pictures with my grandmother, my granny, my sweet granny who went to be with Jesus about two years ago, I, love her so much. And every time I would try to take a picture, she would never look at the camera. And I would say, granny, look at the camera and smile. And she'd say, I don't care about looking at a camera. I want to look at the people I love. And she would always just look at whatever baby she was holding. She would say, no, I want them to see the love in my eyes when they're taking that picture. And guess what? That's the legacy I have. Not pictures that are perfect to look at that look like, oh, isn't that a beautiful picture? I see her not able to tear her eyes away from her grandbabies for one moment because she loved them so much and she wanted to leave that legacy. She never criticized the way that she looked in pictures. She just wanted to show love and laughter. And I love that. And I have pictures of her with us in those important moments in the holidays and at graduation. And while we're talking about graduation, let me end here with giving a few words of encouragement for senior year. I have. I'm in my third iteration now, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier. And if you are newly at that stage, if you're not approaching that stage, if you have been at that stage, you will affirm that it is so much harder than people say it is to have your kids graduate from high school when you love them, even when they tell you it's really, really hard. It's harder than that. It's like standing still and smiling and someone just rips your heart out of your chest and you just say, this is fine. Okay, it's fine. Everything's fine. That is really the brutal truth. So here's some things that I have learned along the way. Let me share these with you before we leave and go for our weekend together. Allow space for everyone to adjust at their own pace, in their own space. It is so important to just accept emotions as they come. It's okay to cry one minute and laugh hysterically the next. Just do the next right thing in the hour ahead. Don't let your brain run too far down, anticipating all the what ifs or what it when just three weeks down the road These are just big transitions, just taken best taken in little steps. So allow space for everyone. Maybe you think you're looking at your husband and thinking, aren't you sad? Like I'm so sad. Why are you not sad? And he's happy. That's okay. Everybody's going to have those different emotions. Let me tell you something else that you may or m may not know. You are going to waste way too much time wondering what someone else is thinking. You are going to wonder how your child really feels about leaving you. You're going to wonder what other people are thinking about the life choices that they're making, whether they're going to college or not, or what college they're going to, or what kind of graduation party you are or aren't having. It is so much more helpful and encouraging to direct your thoughts to do what is best for your family and stand confidently in that trust God for wisdom and peace. Do not waste a moment thinking about wondering about what other people are thinking. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You do what's right for your family. Here's another secret for you. You are going to mess up. It's just inevitable in this transition. You will overstep, you will understep. You will ask too much, you will say too little. You'll assume instead of assure, you'll talk instead of listening. But there is grace and restoration and humility, kindness and compassion. And so when you overstep, when you understep, say, hey, I'm sorry I overstepped there. Hey, I'm sorry I understepped there. I didn't anticipate the way that you would need me to be there. Let's talk about it and make sure we can do that the next time. Here's something else that's really important. Your kids at home. If you have other kids at home, they need to know the world's not gonna fall apart when their sibling grows up and that they are more than enough to give your life meaning. Enjoy at home in the next season that it's not going to be a funeral, a year long funeral for the sibling that is leaving home that is so important. And choose grace. Let those little things go. Recognize as hard as changes for you. It's harder for our kids even when it doesn't seem that way. So say yes as often as you can. Don't take their emotions personally when they're having an emotional roller coaster about leaving. Like, I'm so excited, I can't wait to leave. Oh, I. I never can leave how can I do this? That's normal. Just choose Grace. And as you look at old pictures, don't give your kids the message. You love a younger version of who they used to be more than who they are becoming. Let's celebrate those seasons while telling them with confidence that as good as that was, the best is yet to come. Don't criticize yourself in those pictures. Celebrate your presence. Point out the character traits from those younger years that you see blooming today. Say, look at this picture. You have always been a, lover of adventure. You have always been so kind. You've always been so patient. Look at this. I've seen this over your childhood. And thanks to the wisdom from Pooh Bear, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know. Celebrate your healthy family today. I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. And I can't wait to see you right back here. I'll be live on Monday.

>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.