Transcript

Dr. Jessica Peck prescribes Hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio

Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And we have a great prescription for you. We're talking today about giving thanks. We're giving thanks with a thank, a grateful heart. And it is Friday or Friday, as my kids said. And I have adopted now. And I'm so glad you're here. I said this yesterday. I was talking to my daughter and she's like, it's already January 47th. And that's kind of what it feels like, doesn't it? And life can just feel like a whirlwind sometimes, and the days fly by, but the months somehow seem to drag and before we know it, we're stuck in routines that don't always serve us well. Now, we talked at the beginning of this year. It's 2025. It's a brand new year. The possibilities are endless. And you might be thinking, okay, the month is already over and I've done nothing that I said I was going to do. But you know what? That's okay because it there is always hope for new tomorrows. And maybe you're feeling frustrated today. Maybe you are wondering when are things going to get better. Maybe you are wondering when are, things going to slow down? When is my family going to feel connected? When are going to get out of this rut that we're in? But here's what I want you to hear. It is not about progress. It's not about perfection. It's about progress. That is what it's about. God is not asking you to have it all figured out. He is just asking you to take a step in the right direction. He who began a, good work in you will be faithful to complete it. That means no matter where you've been or how many times you've started or stopped or started over, today is another fresh start. His mercies are new every single morning or Friday afternoon because that's how often we need them now in this journey of developing 52 habits for healthy families. So far this year, we've talked about prayer. We've talked about memorizing scripture. We talked about going to church. And last week I talked about filling your home with worship music. And I heard from some of you on that. That really resonated. And it is so encouraging to me to know that we can use music as an intentional tool for coping, set the tone of our home. And really, these things look so simple, but that's what they are. They're just simple but very powerful building blocks to build a healthy family. And if you're feeling stuck, I want to encourage you, be intentional. Start small. God rewards small faith with big results. I have seen that in my own life. It only takes the faith of a mustard seed to move mountains, the faith of a child to. To see the hope of heaven, and one small act of obedience to open the door for God to work in your life. So take that step forward. Don't wait for that perfect moment. Choose one of these habits that we've done. Just one way to lean into God's goodness today. Because when we do, he meets us right where we are.

Ask Dr. Nurse Mama Friday focuses on gratitude in parenting

So let's talk about it. Let's build strong families together, because today's habit is one of my favorites. It is so super powerful. And we are talking about. About gratitude. It's so powerful, I'm calling it vitamin G because it does help with your family. And today is Ask Doctor, Nurse, Mama Friday. And so I'm going to answer a parent question that asked, why do kids today seem so ungrateful? I feel like no matter how much I do, how much I give, it is never enough. How do we get here? And how can I help my child develop a grateful heart? Well, I feel that because I'm a mom of four, I'm living in the world today. And I hear you. And if you're feeling frustrated, you're not alone. So many parents, so many families are wrestling with this exact same issue. And maybe you're wondering, where do we go wrong? Why do kids today seem to expect so much while appreciating so little? And I struggle with this on a personal level because I want to give my kids what I didn't have growing up. I'm not just talking about material things. I mean, being their biggest cheerleader, being present, showering them with love and support and affirmation and trying to invest in them and their lives. And then when they don't show gratitude, they're just like, oh, yeah, Mom, I know you just poured your heart and soul out and drove all over the country for me, but, you know, that was nice. I find myself getting frustrated, and I think, hey, this is everything that I longed for as a child, and you just don't appreciate it at all. But when you find yourself in that moment, I have learned to pause and take a deep breath, and instead of Resentment intentionally choose gratitude. It's simple, but it's not easy. And I thank God that my kids are so ungrateful. I really do. I can be thankful for that. Because their ungratefulness, that means they have a lack of awareness. They've never had to experience some of the pains or the hardships that I did. They don't know the lack of that. And, and that is progress. That is a cycle broken. That is something I can be grateful for. Now of course they'll have struggles of their own. Every generation does. But here's the question to ask yourself. Have I overcompensated by giving too much? And there's sometimes that that's been true for me. And if it's true for you, it is not too late to adjust. Gratitude can still be cultivated and balance can still be found. It starts with really small intentional changes. But they shape our kids hearts. But they also shape our hearts as well. Now in a broader context, the truth is we did not get here as a society overnight. If we step back and look at the bigger picture, I'm talking cultural, societal, even historical context, we start to understand why gratitude seems so rare today. Because we live in a time of excess. We live in a time of more m. We have more convenience, we have more entertainment. We have more options, we have more distractions. We have raised our kids in a world where everything is instant. Food is instant. Information is instant. Gratification is instant. Communication is instant. They don't have to wait for Saturday morning cartoons like we did. They don't have to wait for Sunday morning comics. They can stream anything anytime. They don't have to save up for something. Because if they want same day shipping or a quick swipe of a credit card or sell something to get something online, it brings it straight to their doorstep. Whether it's food or shoes or whatever. They don't have to even wait for a dial up modem. They just live online. They don't have to wait for the oven to heat up dinner. They don't have to wait for literally anything. And in many ways it's made life easier. But does easier mean better? That's the question. And if we're honest, we as parents, we have played a role in this and we have some culpability here because somewhere along the way we started idolizing our kids. And I look at back at this from generations and see the generational changes. I've talked about this before with the greatest generation taught to be stoic. You don't express your emotional needs and then those Children, their children were raised to be seen and not heard because they, those parents had experienced a lot of trauma in World War II, and you don't want to upset that. And so then we've got baby boomers who want to be loved and Gen X kids who are latchkey kids who raise millennials and overcompensated in parenting. Now, millennials love their kids and are mocked for that. And now we've got Gen Z and Gen Alpha. I'm going to get to that in a minute, so hold on because I'll be there. But we have convinced ourselves that if we just give our kids the best of everything, every experience, every opportunity, every comfort, they'll be happy, they'll be fulfilled, they'll be successful, we'll be the best parents. But in doing so, the honest truth that I'm telling myself too, is that we rob them of something crucial. We rob them of hunger they don't have. Hunger to work for something, hunger to wait for something, hunger to appreciate something when they finally get it.

We have to let go of that exhausting pursuit of making our kids happy

So could it be, let me ask ourselves collectively here, let's have a little huddle. Could it be that in our desire to bless our children, we have accidentally, unintentionally set them up to be entitled? We have removed struggle, and in doing so, we remove a, key ingredient for gratitude. Because gratitude does not grow in excess. It grows in that space between desire and fulfillment, between longing and receiving. It grows in the moments where we realize we are not entitled to anything, but we are blessed by everything. Honestly, we get so much that we don't deserve. We have to let go of that exhausting pursuit of making our kids happy. I talked about this earlier in the week with Jill Garner, and I've heard from some of you. You heard this message loud and clear. We have to focus on making them healthy. That means emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically, because happiness is fleeting and it's dependent on your circumstances. But health, true, holistic well being, that lasts a lifetime. And if we're healthy, it doesn't mean we're perfect. Your physical body will get a cold every now and then, just like your, your emotional spirit will get a grumpy, entitled attitude every now and then. But we can get over it. And that means we can still be healthy. Now, I'm going to say something that's unpopular, but I'm going to say it anyway. In today's world, I see so many kids who are given such extravagant experiences from such a young age that I think they lose the ability to appreciate them. And when Childhood is filled with constant entertainment or we're giving them lavish vacations or instant gratification. What is there left to look forward to? What happens when they become adults and they can't afford the life that they were handed as children? Because the reality is when we remove anticipation, when we remove struggle, we rob them of joy. Because joy in and, of itself isn't found in excess. It's found in gratitude, in waiting and working for something and finally experiencing it. And as parents, we often carry the burden of adjusting our every move to keep our kids happiness barometer high. It is exhausting. It's unsustainable, and it's also very unnecessary. So I challenge you to set it down. Let your kids be bored. Let them be disappointed. Let them be upset with you. When they are, stand firm with love and confidence. Look at them in the eyes and say, I love you enough to let you be unhappy right now. That's parenting. It is not our job to clear every obstacle in their way or make every moment a delight. It is our job to raise them into people who can navigate life with wisdom, resilience, and gratitude. Now, I am not saying don't give your kids nice things because I give my kids nice things. And they will tell you I go overboard at Christmas because I love Christmas. You all know I love Christmas. There are times for excess. There are situations where it calls for over the top. There are situations where you can be blessed by something. But is that the lifestyle? That's the thing to look at. And what if we get it wrong? What if we push too hard? We realize we've made a mistake. We and we've given them something we shouldn't have. We've withheld something that we shouldn't have. Then we model what we want them to to emulate. We want them to be humble. We have to apologize. We have to adjust. Because a strong, healthy relationship can withstand those temporary frustrations and disagreements. The bigger danger isn't that moment of tension. It's a lifetime of teaching them m that loving you is conditional on getting what they want from you. And I do talk to a lot of parents who fear. And I used to be this parent. I was so this parent. Many parents fear that if my kids aren't happy, I'll lose my connection with them. And when my children are smiling and they're satisfied, I feel closer to them. And that feeling is addictive. But here's the thing. It's counterfeit. It's fake. It is fleeting. It's an illusion of connection. It is not the real thing. Because if we teach our kids to love us only when they're happy, we are setting them up to build relationships based on transactions rather than trust. It's you give me what I want and I'll be happy with you rather than I can trust you to do what's best for me. We train them to value people as long as they're being served. And that is dangerous.

Infuse gratitude into your home intentionally, consistently and model it yourself

So what is the way out? Well, it's not cutting them off from everything or suddenly enforcing rigid ultimatums like, oh no, I've got to withhold everything. It is so much simpler than that. And the key is to infuse gratitude into your home intentionally, consistently and patiently model it yourself. Speak it over your kids, point out the small blessings, teach them contentment isn't found in more, but appreciating what already is. And when we shift our focus from making them happy to making them healthy, we are setting them up for a life where they don't just chase those momentary highs, they cultivate lasting joy that is not dependent on their circumstances. Now, I want to be clear, this is not about a guilt trip. So if you are feeling guilty, get off of the guilt trip. Every generation has had its struggles and Gen Alpha is no different. The world they're growing up in is shaped by technology and hyper consumption and social media. These are things that we just didn't have to navigate as kids. And yet there is hope. We're starting to see some pushback against over consumption. And this generation has a renewed interest in thrifting. You probably have seen that on social media and sustainability, minimalistic. That's proof that deep down they're craving something different and they realize those things are just things and they don't last. They want more than just beyond stuff. So that's where we have an opportunity as parents. When we come back, I'm going to give you some questions to ask yourself to do a really tough heart check to say, am I cultivating a spirit of gratitude in my home? I'll answer those questions too when we come back after this break. I want you to picture this. Her name is Kayla. She is 17, alone, terrified and pregnant, sitting in a clinic, tears blurring, thinking abortion is her only option until she was offered a free ultrasound, paid for by a hero just like you. The moment Kayla heard her baby's heartbeat, the decision was made. And today her little baby boy, Gabrielle, is thriving because preborn walked with Kayla every step of the way. Now multiply that by 38,000. That's how many babies preborn has helped save just this year. How many mothers preborn has come alongside with practical and spiritual resources to make motherhood possible. But here's the most important thing you will here today. Their goal is to save 70,000 by the end of the year and they can't do it without us. Every $28 provides that ultrasound the moment everything changes. Will you be the reason the next Kayla chooses life? The reason Gabrielle fulfills his destiny? To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby that's pound 250 baby or donate securely at preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR.

Gratitude by Brandon Lake: So I throw up my hands and praise you again and again 'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah I know it's not much but I have nothing. Except for heart singing hallelujah

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That song is Gratitude by Brandon Lake. And you might be thinking, did we plan that? Well, yes, yes we did. We did plan that. Thanks to my producer for getting that music that goes with our theme today.

52 habits for healthy families can transform your relationships

Today we're talking about 52 habits for healthy families and one that can really transform your relationships. And that is gratitude. It is such a perspective shift. We are in week five and that is the habit of this week. I am working on memorizing from first Thessalonians. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Now it' really important to look at that verse and see that it doesn't say to give thanks for all circumstances but it does say to give thanks in all circumstances. And so that means we don't have to be grateful for some of the hard things that come our way, but we can be grateful in those circumstances and find always reasons to be grateful.

We live in a society that is generally ungrateful

So we're talking about gratitude, vitamin G and I've been giving a pretty convicting what I think is a message to you all about what the Lord has laid on my heart with this. And I answering some questions from listeners about how do we get our kids to be grateful because we do live in a society that is generally ungrateful. Whether it's for the freedoms that we have or the conveniences that we have, we do see a lack of gratitude. So let's turn this inward for just a moment because whenever we are looking at kids who are not grateful, we have to look at who are the adults that are modeling this to them. I know this is so hard, but here's some questions. Do you regularly express Gratitude in front of your kids or do they hear you mostly complain? Now, I know when we ask ourselves this, we would most of us say, oh, I, I am m very grateful. But I challenge you. If your kids are of the speaking age, if they can put any words together, ask them if you express gratitude or complaining more, ask them what you complain about. They'll probably be able to give you a top three list pretty quickly. Mine, I know my kids are going to say, you complain about the laundry all the time. And I do, because I can't stand it when I find clean clothes in the dirty laundry hamper. That is something that is really going to steal my joy. But there, and that's a silly thing, but there are other things as well. So do you regularly intentionally express gratitude as much as you're complaining? Here's question number two. Do you let your kids experience lack. Do you make them wait? Do you make them save? Do you make them work? Or do you just rush in to meet their every want? I'm. I struggle with this. Sometimes I go to that Amazon cart and it's really tempting just to click the let me send this to you. But sometimes our kids need to experience that delayed gratification. Here's question three. Are you raising your kids to see people as valuable or things as valuable? And again, it's easy for us to say, oh, no, of course we value people. But where are you spending your time? What is important to you? Here's the fourth question. Do you model generosity? Giving without expectation, serving without recognition. Now, you know, I talk about my granny a lot. This is something that she did so well. She would always say if she gave me something and I would want to pay her back, if she bought me a meal or something like that, she would, would say, you did not ask me to give that to you. I made that choice. That was my gift to give. And you don't owe me a thing for that because that was my decision and you don't have any obligation for that. So do we give without expectation? Because sometimes for our kids especially, we give and then we expect gratitude in return and we demand it rather than cultivate it. And that's hard. Question number five. When your kid gets something new, do they take care of it or do they not take care of it? If they don't take care of it, if it's broken, if it is lost, if it is messy, if it is on the floor, that's probably a sign that they're not grateful for what they have and know that if that Disappears. If it breaks, if it gets lost, then there's just something new that can come. So here's some signs of entitlement that parents might notice in their children. One is in attitude and expectations. So if they don't say thank you, if they just don't regularly say thank you for what they have, if they have unrealistic, expectations, they expect to get what they want, when they want, and they don't have to work for it, whether that's material things or privileges or attention. And if they complain, if they complain a lot, it's, you give them something, it's not good enough. I want more. I want something different. Another attitude that can come out is a sense of superiority. Just believing that, hey, I deserve special treatment. Like, I should be at the front of the line. I should have, I should eat first. I should have the nicest seat here. If our family is going to eat, I want to sit by the window or whatever it may be. Is there a sense of superiority? Those are attitudes and expectations to look for. Look at their behavior towards other people. Do they disrespect authority? Do they ignore you or challenge you or teachers or other adults when they're told no? Do they not have empathy for other people and think, I don't care how this impacts you. I want what I want. If you go without, that's fine, but I'm not going to go without. Do they have demanding behavior like, drop everything to come and meet my needs? Another thing to look up at is materialism or overindulgence over consumption. Just taking things for granted. Just like, okay, yeah, that money disappeared, but more will come in its place. Like, yes, there's, I just expect gifts, I expect experiences. Or I, I want this, I want this, I need this. I need this so badly. And yeah, okay, I don't care about that anymore. That was yesterday. Today, I want this. Or if they just don't take care of the things that they have, look at their work ethic and their responsibility. Do they avoid chores and just expect, hey, you'll clean it up, you'll do the dishes, you'll do it for me. Do they not understand the value of hard work? Do they not follow through if they try something and it's hard, like, I'm just going to quit, I'm not going to do that. Another way it can show up is an emotional and social struggles. They can't. They just melt down with any disappointment or they struggle with delayed gratification. I don't want to wait for it. Or they Struggle with friendships because they have trouble sharing or compromising or having empathy or respecting others boundaries. These are all things that we see. And the hardest thing that I've learned as a parent is when I see traits in my children that seem unattractive or undesirable or on, you know, just on whatever the word is. I so often find those in myself. I have to look inward and I think they're modeling this from me and maybe it shows up in a different way, but the heart and the spirit of that behavior shows up in their lives. And so we have to do a good hard look at ourselves. And if you notice these patterns, let me encourage you, it is not too late to course correct. Entitlement is not an irreversible trait. It is a learned behavior and it can be reshaped through intentional parenting. And part of that, a big part of that comes through gratitude practices. And so if you are thinking okay, I see some of those signs in my kids, don't panic. There is no shame and acknowledging when things need to change. But we have to start with ourselves. So let's start, go back to the basics, Some of the basics that we can look at. Sometimes we have to say no. No, that doesn't mean you're mean. That means waiting builds character. So sometimes we have to say no. Sometimes we need to let them work for things. Even if it's something that we could provide. When they contribute, they appreciate it. I'll never forget taking my daughter to a store and we had bought something and then we went the next year and I told her, okay, this next year, you know, you are going to need to spend your own money. She came up to me and she said, oh my goodness, mom, I cannot believe how much they've raised the prices in a year. Like everything is so much more expensive. And I said, oh no honey, that's just the difference between my money and your money. My money, it didn't seem expensive at all. You when it was your money. Oh, that. I'm going to hold on to that more dearly. And then what do you do in your family to create gratitude habits? Do you say, go around at the dinner table, say something you're thankful for? Do you write thank you notes together? Do you serve others as a family? my son is really good at this. If I have a complaining attitude, he will come up to me and give me that sympathetic head tilt and he'll look me right in the eyes and I'll tell him, no, no, don't do it. Don't do it. And he'll say, mom, take a deep breath and tell me three things you're grateful for. And I will begrudgingly, like a child, say, fine, I'm grateful for this and this and this. But it does work and I realize that. And so helping hold each other accountable is important. Really, truly. Have a conversation in your family about whether you're overindulging. Sometimes if our, if we just have too much, we don't appreciate what we have. And sometimes less is more. And talk about God's provision. Everything that we have is a gift from him. When we acknowledge that, our entitlement will fade and our gratitude will grow. It's not something that we can force or demand because that's just going to be lip service. It's something we have to cultivate. Now, you are not alone. You are not failing as a parent. Maybe you're just clearly seeing now what the world is normalizing. And again, the good news is that it's never too late to start shifting the culture in your home. We can raise kids who don't just expect more, but appreciate more. That's not just a polite thank you after receiving a gift or a meal. It's a posture of the heart. It's a way of life. And grateful families are healthier and happier families. They just are. Now, I got a question this week. this is, from a parent who shared that her school age daughter this relates to gratitude. Let me share this because I've actually, this is not the first time I've heard this scenario. Her school age daughter left her Stanley tumbler on the playground and someone took it. We can't find it. She's been crying for two days about it. It caused a big fight among her friends. I would buy her another one, but this one was a limited edition and I can't yet find a replacement. What should I do? Well, this is something that I see and it's always something like right now that, that Stanley Tumblr is the sign of social status among Gen Alpha. And the truth is it's never fun to see our kids upset. And when I was talking with my producer about this before the show, she said, oh, well, if I had lost something like that, my parents would have been so mad. And I said, that's because you're Gen X. Gen X. Yes. We dared not lose anything, right? We would catch the wrath of our father when he got home from work. But it's not like that now. And so I want to challenge you if you're in this kind of situation, this really may be an important moment for some deeper reflection. it's really tough, but it's such a good opportunity to think about what is at the heart of this response. It is okay for our kids to be sad and disappointed, but when there's a disproportionate level of distress over, for example, a hunk of metal, right, it shouldn't be the source of that much emotional turmoil. And what we're talking about is when a thing, not a relationship, not a health issue, not a fundamental need, it's a thing, it's an object. And that's where the deeper issue comes in. And that can be a sign that kids have transferred their own value, their own social status, their own social capital with their peers to a tangible object. This object defines my worth. This object sets my social status. And it's a great lesson to say that things are temporary. They break, they get lost, they get replaced. But gratitude, perspective are the things that last. And the biggest message is that your identity is in Christ, not in a limited edition Tumblr. It's just not. But kids, and it sounds so simple, but kids do see that. And if we really take a good, honest look at ourselves, we can see how we feel that way, too. With methods. Through the car that we drive, the house that we have, the clothes that we wear, the vacations that we take, we have those same struggles, but we rationalize them as adults. Now, that's tough. But hold on, because this gets tougher. It's also about looking at your heart. What are we teaching our kids when they react like this to losing something that's material? We have to recognize we can't always control their reactions. And there may be something deeper here, like there could be relationship issues or bullying. I'm not talking about any of that. I'm, talking about how we're shaping their environment. If we're overindulging them or we're putting too much emotional weight on possessions, that is how we foster a mindset of entitlement. That is how we choke out the gratitude in our house. So we have to really focus on the bigger picture. And ask your kids the question regularly. Ask your spouse, what is worth your emotional energy? Because when you have a lot of emotions over something, sadness, anxiety, that's expensive. That's emotionally expensive. It cost you something. It costs you time and interaction with your family. And what are you going to spend that emotional capital on? Is it a tumbler? Or is it relationships? Or is it the love that she has? For her friends, the home you provided, the values you instilled. And when we focus too much on things, we are inadvertently telling our kids their happiness depends on what they have, not on what they can give or share or be grateful for. So how do, how are we teaching our kids that stuff is what matters most? I do this. You've heard this on my declutter diaries. I am struggling with this. How do I find my. How often do I find myself bending over backwards to replace something they lost or cater to their every want? There is nothing wrong with being generous. But we can't make the mistake of over compensating for what they're missing. That will not prepare them to handle life's disappointments. So it's again, anytime there's something that is lost, some conflict over a tangible thing, we can help to raise our kids perspective. Don't obsess over what's lost. Be thankful for what you still have. What are you still grateful for today? Yes, the tumbler is gone, but there are so many more blessings in your life that don't hinge on an object. You can be firm but loving. It's not okay to let this kind of loss cause so much chaos in your life. And sometimes we have to sit with discomfort or disappointment or even anger. That is life. It's okay to feel those things, but we have to model how to be resilient, how to go forward. And that is through gratitude. So how much emotional energy are you putting into making your kid's life perfect? That's lawnmower parenting, manicuring, everything. It's such a great opportunity to reset some priorities and make gratitude and not their happiness the goal. We can't make our kids happy all the time. We can't. They will have ups and downs. They will have trials and tragedies and traumas and the world is not going to cater to their every whim. But if we have missed the mark, it is never too late to course correct. We can approach it with humility and use it as a teaching lesson. And when we come back, I'm going to talk about what the Bible says about gratitude and the health benefits that we have and some specific ways that you can implement gratitude strategies with littles with older kids all through your ages and stages. We'll be right back.

American Family Association seeks to stop erosion of godly values

Wesley Wildmon: The mission of AFA is to inform, equip and activate individuals and families to strengthen the moral foundations of American culture and to give aid to the church here and abroad and its task in fulfilling the Great Commission, the vision of American family Association is to be a leading organization in biblical worldview training in the interest of cultural transformation. Thank you for standing with the American Family association as we, we seek to stop the erosion of godly values. When you hear this, this is American Family News. You know, what follows is the truth. Your news from a Christian perspective. Hundreds of, teachers are going to have to walk into that school building and they are forced to swallow political ideology that in many cases violates their very faith and conscience. If you miss it at the top of the hour, American Family News podcasts are available at afn.net and sign up for our daily news brief at afn.net thank you.

Thank You Lord by Chris Tomlin & Friends: Lord for the small things like me and her on a porch swing the summer nights and fireflies on the sound of my old six string Blessings on blessings on Blessings on blessings if I still got breath in these lungs Then that's all I need to get down on my knees and be thankful for all that he's done for my, my mama, for my friends for your love that never ends for the songs, that make us dance on this old dirt floor for my babies, for my girl for the change my world Waking up today yeah, I just got to say thank you, Lord yeah, I just want to say thank you, Lord.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is thank you Lord by Chris Tomlin and friends. And I am thankful for you.

Gratitude is essential for a thriving spiritual life, according to science

I'm thankful that here it is Friday afternoon and you're listening in and we're having a conversation about gratitude. It is Friday Ask Dr. Nurse, Mama. Friday I'm answering questions about gratitude. That is our habit of the week that we're focusing on. And it's so important. I'm talking about it, the whole show because it is vitamin G and God's word has a lot to say about gratitude. It is is clear that gratitude is essential for a thriving spiritual life. You just cannot have a thriving spiritual life without it. And I've been sharing with you first Thessalonians 5:18. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. I mean, it could not be any more clear or direct. Not just when life is good, not just when everything's going on our way, but in all circumstances. Gratitude shifts our focus from what's missing to what's already been given. And it says it again in Philippians 4. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. So thanksgiving is linked to peace. And when we teach our families to practice gratitude, we're not just teaching good manners. We are equipping them with a spiritual weapon to use against anxiety, discontentment, entitlement. It is a weapon. Much like I talked last week about worship being intentional, gratitude is intentional. And science is finally catching up to what God designed from the very beginning. That gratitude actually makes us healthier. And research shows that people who are grateful have lower stress levels. It reduces cortisol in your brain. It helps you sleep better. It makes your immune, function, your immune system function better. People who practice gratitude actually get sick less often. It improves your relationships and strengthens connections, and it makes you more resilient. When you have hardship, you bounce back easier. So when God tells us to be thankful, when he commands us to be thankful, it is not just a nice suggestion. It's not a bonus. It is for our good in every way. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally. So what does a grateful family look like? We talk about? Okay, yes, well, we're grateful. I'm grateful. But are you intentionally grateful? Because a home that's filled with gratitude looks radically different from one that's filled with entitlement and complaining and comparison. So grateful families, they speak words of appreciation not just for the big things, but for the small, everyday acts of kindness. For the person who is the stranger who's holding the door or the server who waits on you or whoever it is. Grateful families celebrate blessings more than they complain about burdens. They focus on what they have, not what they don't have. Grateful families practice generosity. When you're grateful, it just naturally overflows to give to others. Grateful families value experiences over possessions. They find the most joy in the time spent together. They think, I don't care what you give me. I just want your time not in accumulating more things. And grateful families model contentment. They don't chase after whatever the world tells you that you need to make your life better, easier, happier, whatever. The way that we view and respond to life, that shapes our hearts and our homes, and it is actively shaping our family. Whether you're intentional or not, the passivity is shaping your family. So let's take a moment to. I, want to compare and contrast three destructive attitudes with life giving virtues. Okay, so let's look at entitlement versus joy. Entitlement says, hey, I deserve this. Treat yourself. I worked for this, right? Joy says, I'm blessed no matter what I have or don't have. Entitlement is Self focused. It says life should always go, our way. We are owed certain privileges, comforts or rewards. But joy isn't self focused, it's God focused. It's not dependent on our circumstances, but the deep assurance that God is good all the time, his presence is enough. Entitlement leads to frustration when your expectations of what you are supposed to get aren't met. Joy leads to resilience and peace even when life is hard. So for example, a kid who goes and gets to the store and gets a new toy every time they go, they're never going to find joy in what they already have. But enjoying the moment, the trip out with mom or dad, whether they receive something or not, that means that joy isn't tied to something material. Okay, let's compare complaining and gratitude. Okay, Complaining says nothing is ever good enough. And gratitude says no matter what, there's something, always something to be thankful for. Complaining magnifies what's wrong and it minimizes what's right. Gratitude shifts the focus to blessing. Complaining creates a culture of negativity. Gratitude fosters peace and appreciation and humility. So you all know that family, the one that always complains about long lines or bad weather or slow service, whatever it is, but a family that pauses to say, hey, God, thank you for the breath in our lungs and the roof over our heads. Just, much like, just put on that song thank you Lord by Chris Tomlin. It's right there for my mama, for my friends, for this, song that never ends, I think is how it goes. But just saying thankful, thank you for those small things.

Let's look at comparison versus contentment. Comparison fuels jealousy and insecurity

Okay, let's look at comparison versus contentment. Comparison says I need what they have to be happy, and contentment says I have everything I need in Christ. Comparison leads to jealousy and insecurity and striving where contentment leads to peace and trust and confidence in God's provision. Comparison fuels resentment toward those who have more. But contentment celebrates the blessings that others get even when we don't get them. Because we recognize our worth isn't tied to what we own. And this is on display nowhere else than social media, seeing other people's homes or their vacations or their experiences that they're having. So we have a choice to make. Do we want to have a restless spirit or a grateful heart? That's really our choice. Will we dwell in entitlement and complaining and comparison, always wanting more and never satisfied? Or do we choose joy and gratitude and contentment, trusting that God has given us what we need for today? It is not a feeling gratitude is not a feeling, it's a discipline. Joy is not an emotion, it's a fruit of the spirit. Contentment is not complacency, it is confidence in God's faithfulness. So how do we cultivate this gratitude? You're thinking, yes, I want this vitamin G in my family. There are a lot of ways that you can do it. Let me break it down by age group just a little bit. It toddlers and preschoolers, really little kids, just teaching them to say thank you prayers, thank you Jesus for my food, thank you for my toys, thank you for my family or using little songs if you're thankful and you know it. Just singing little thank you songs and encouraging. Saying thank you to other people, modeling that or being grateful for things like a sunset or a bird singing or a hug. These are great ways to teach gratitude for those school age kids. Kids have a gratitude jar. Just write down things that you're thankful for every once in a while. It doesn't have to be super strict or prescriptive, but when your family's having a tough day, pull out that jar and let your kids take turns reading those. Or have a no things challenge for one day. Just focus on non material blessings. Write thank you notes to other people. That is really really instructive and it helps us to position our hearts. Or just when they're doing household tasks. Instead of saying I hate doing the dishes, think I'm grateful that we have food to eat and food to clean up. Just always reframe that. For teenagers, you might just really do gratitude in prayer. Tell them to start their personal prayers with three things that they're thankful for. To go to the Lord in thanks or to have that social media perspective to post or journal about something that they're thankful for instead of focusing on comparison. Serving as a family is a way to cultivate gratitude and encouraging self reflection. Like what's one thing that you take for granted now but you, you, you appreciate it. You didn't always have it. This is where my prayer journal is so instructive to me because I go back and I think about oh, I don't have this, I don't have this. I'm so worried about this God. I'm praying about this and then I think I haven't thought about that in months. Because God provided for young adults and college age teens. Help them to see challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to give meaningful, not expensive gifts and remind them to thank their mentors. Tell them send handwritten notes or setting their phone to reminder to list Three things that they're grateful for every day. There's lots of ways you can do it intentionally. For parents and grandparents, you can speak gratitude over your family. Tell them over and over how thankful you are for them. Reflect on God's faithfulness. Just share stories of times when gratitude helped you through hardships. And lead by example. We can demonstrate daily gratitude even in the little things. I remember when my kids were really little and I, was looking for a parking space, and I pulled in and I hear this little voice from a car seat in the back saying, thank you, Jesus, for a parking space. It's so simple. But I would say that thank you, Jesus for a parking space. And if your, your family is struggling with complaining, here's a way that you can break that habit in a hurry. If you have little kids in your house, just tell them that they have full reign to respectfully call out complaining. Oh, they will take that so literally. That's a great thing about little kids because they think concretely and they think they have very strong feelings about justice. So just tell them, hey, if you hear me complaining, call me out and say, no complaining. We don't complain. Turn that complaint into gratitude. Turn that complaint into a thanks. It's a great way to do it. Because listen, gratitude is not just a habit. It is a way of life. the more that we practice it, the more it becomes second nature. It becomes your family's perspective. It starts to strengthen your relationships. It deepens your faith. So I want to challenge you today. Just choose one small way that you can intentionally be grateful. Just one small habit at a time. Maybe that's going to be recognizing complaining and just saying, like, if you're, they're complaining. If they say, I'm so bored, you can acknowledge it and say, I hear that you're feeling bored right now. What could you do? How could you be creative? How can you fill this space? And maybe you can just focus on redirecting focus to the positive. If your kids say, hey, I don't have that toy that I want, say, yeah, I'm thankful for the toys that you do have and how much fun I have playing with you with them. That can be helpful. And just looking at, of course, incorporating our faith into any of the reframing that happens that, you know, they think this time is hard, we can give them Romans 8:28. God is with you in the challenges. And when we're thinking this is a hard time, well, James, one tells us to rejoice in our suffering. Or if we think you know, this day was just awful. Everything went wrong. Just thank you, God, for walking me through it. I trust that you're working all things for my good. Those things are so helpful to do.

Practicing gratitude when faced with challenging situations can help reframe complaints

Maybe you can use a gratitude prompt, like you're noticing this pattern of complaints, and you can guide family members with specific prompts. What's one thing you learned today that you're thankful for? Maybe that could be your dinner conversation tonight. What is did you learn today that you're thankful for? What's something that you often take for granted but you're thankful for now, even in this situation? What can we praise God for? What went right? What was good? And just modeling gratitude in those situations is really important when we are faced with challenges reframing those complaints.

It's not about stopping complaining; it's about replacing it with gratitude

So this one is for me, because I'm looking at me here when I say, okay, I'm so tired of all this laundry. Thank you, Lord, that we have enough clothes to wash. Thank you that we have an abundance of clothes. We have more than we need because they're overflowing out of the hamper. That tells me I have more than I need. Thank you that we have a home to clean. And these things sound so simple, but they are transformational. They really are transformational for our families, and they impact our relationships. They impact our physical health, our emotional health, and our mental health. And so I really encourage you to think about ways that you can shift your family culture. What is a family tradition that you can have of celebrating? How can you have a culture of accountability in your home that calls out complaining? And really, it's not about stopping the complaining. It's about replacing it with gratitude. I think about the scripture in Romans, let us be transformed by the renewing of our minds. It's not okay. We've got to train ourselves not to complain. We've got to train ourselves to be more grateful. That's the basic science of positive reinforcement. Strengthening that habit, motivating others to follow suit. And we can do that. So if we hear our kids expressing gratitude, we can say, hey, I love, love how you found something kind to say about your sister. That is a beautiful way to turn frustration into grace. And I am so grateful that you showed that character in that moment by making it a regular part of our family life. We help everyone, including ourselves, to adopt a mindset of gratitude. And, that transforms not only complaints, but challenges, relationships, and spiritual growth. And over time, this shapes the way your family approaches both good times and struggles and will foster a more peaceful and grateful home.

I challenge you to make gratitude a habit in your family

I am taking this challenge with you from First Thessalonians one more time. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. I challenge you to make gratitude a habit in your family. Listen. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you. And I will see you right back here on Monday. We'll be talking with Raechel Adams on, Everyday Prayers for Love. We'll see you then.

Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.