Dr. Jessica Peck: Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to A fri. Yay. It is Friday. I love Fridays. it doesn't matter that I'm a nurse, and I've never had a regular working schedule anytime in my whole life. Friday is just fun. And, you know, I live in Texas. Friday Night Lights is a thing. So whether you're going to football tonight, whether you're going to a fall festival, whether you are working, whether you were just going to be at home and do gloriously nothing, whatever you are doing, I just thank you so much for tuning in today. It is Ask doctor Nursemama Friday, and every Friday since January, we have been exploring, exploring 52 habits for healthy families. I have loved taking this journey with you. It's been so convicting for me. I'm telling you, I am, on the struggle bus right next to you. But I can look back now and see so many ways over this year that I have grown in so many ways that my habits have slowly but surely taken a bend towards the healthier. We can't have perfect families. There's no such thing as a perfect family. Mine included. I think my children would fight each other to get to the microphone first to tell you all of the ways that Funny mom fails, or maybe some not so funny ones. But you know what? It's all good in the context of a healthy relationship. We can talk about those things. And there's no perfect family, but you can have a healthy family. And starting back in January, we talked about spiritual disciplines. And then through the spring, we talked about rhythms that your family needs to have. Through the later part of the spring and early summer, we talked about communication. I've shared. That was the most convicting part for me. I have gone back and actually listened to myself a little bit and thought, wait, what did I say about that? Because I really need to be practicing what I'm saying here. And then we talked all in the summer about tech, so many things about the way technology is impacting our family. We moved on to safety. And now for the last about eight weeks, for the first part of the fall, we have been in what I'm calling the baby attitudes. Not the B attitudes, but the B attitudes. We talked about be hopeful, be a good friend, be unafraid, be an influencer, be resilient, be intentional. Last week, we talked about being tender hearted. So this Week. We have one more B attitude. And that be. Is. I feel like I need a drum roll. I don't know how to do that. But it is. Be content. That is what it is. This is so hard. And f. Families today are really, I honestly believe, living in a contentment crisis. We have more of everything than any generation before us in a material sense. We have more conveniences, more modern technology. We have more money, we have more resources. And yet we struggle more than previous generations. We with chronic dissatisfaction. And I think about my grandparents especially. I lived with them for quite a while when I was going to nursing school. And, And until I got married. And they had lived through the Great Depression. They had lived through World War II. They valued things in such a different way. They reused things. They. They. And they were so content. They were so content. They lived in a little ranch house that they built. Never did any major renovations. The bathroom was the same. My who. And it didn't bother them a, bit. The kitchen was never renovated. Didn't bother them a bit. They did not sit there and watch HGTV and think, oh, well, if I could only have quartz countertops. Now, now white kitchens are in. Oh, now we've got, you know, light oak or whatever the trend may be. They did not chase trends. And we do that. A lot of this has to do with marketing. And I'm going to pull back the curtain on that and tell you how the world is working against your family and how it's manifesting itself as chronic dissatisfaction. And we are basing.
Paul wrote about contentment while he was in prison
Our theme verse for today comes from Philippians 4, 11 through 13 This is such a convicting verse for me because it is written by Paul when he was a prisoner, when he was not in good and a good situation. It's not like he. He was standing on the top of a mountain or he was in a great place in his life. He was imprisoned. He knew he was facing likely eventual execution, which he did. And here's what he said. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned that's really important. Tuck that away for later. We'll unpack it. I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I really want you to think about that verse because that is something we all struggle with. Our contentment fluctuates with our circumstances. Paul goes on to say, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret so often we want a life hack or a secret. And Paul's giving US one. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or living in want. I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. And that's important because so often we see just that one verse, I can do all things. And we need to remember the context of what Paul was saying. He was talking about contentment, and that contentment is learned. It is a spiritual discipline that we. That we need to be obedient toward because it's for our good and for God's glory. And contentment, biblically, it doesn't mean that we're just passive, that we're complacent, that we don't care. This is an active trust in God, and it means our desire is surrendered to God's will. Like I may want this, I have, may dream this, I may long for this. But I recognize the sovereignty of God, and I know that whatever he gives me is for my good and for his glory. I quote that verse from Psalm all the time. Psalm 84:11. The Lord God is a son and a shield. He gives grace and glory. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. We have to be content in God's sovereignty. And that is hard because Paul wrote those words not from a place of comfort. He wrote them from a place of contentment while he was in prison. When we look at the world's view of contentment, it comes when our circumstances are good. Paul's view of contentment was independent of his circumstances. It didn't matter if he was shipwrecked, if he was bitten by a snake, if he was in jail, he was going to be content. the world's view of contentment is something we feel. It is an emotion. Paul's view of contentment is that it is a discipline that we learn and that we practice that is radically different. And if you can just shift your mindset of that. Contentment is not something you feel, it's something you learn, something you practice. Contentment in the world's eyes is based on what we have. Paul's view of contentment is based on who Christ is. My grace is sufficient for you. I mean, just look at all of the promises. I get goosebumps thinking of all the promises that God gave to us. The world's view of contentment is achieved by control. Controlling our finances, controlling our investments, controlling what we buy, what we purchase. Paul's view of contentment. Now get this. This is completely opposite. It's achieved by surrender, by what we give up not by what we attain. And families today are really struggling with contentment. And contentment is comparison culture, because we think all the time, oh, look what they have, look what I don't have. And I'm going to call out parents now, including myself, because today's parents feel pressure to give their kids more. It's this creep of modern expectations where we just feel like kids are entitled to more. And I have said this before, and I know that it's really tough and it steps on people's toes, but I think kids get too much too soon these days. And when they have all of the things and, and maybe an 8th grade dance that's nicer than your wedding was, what do they have to look forward to? What expectation does that set? Where, what experiences will they save to, to experience with their spouse one day? We've got to really be thoughtful about those experiences. And we really have a new definition of what it means to be a good parent. Because a generation ago, good parents, they were ones who loved their kids. You gotta keep them safe and you gotta guide them. You gotta give them food, shelter, respect, love, all of those things. But today, culture, what culture tells you is that being a good parent is more, it's about more. Give them more, do more with them, provide more for them, expose them to more experiences. And parents really feel judged by the quantity and the quality of opportunities they're giving their kids today. They feel judged by the enrichment that they're giving, giving or not giving their kids. You know, you have felt it when you go to a, ah, sports event and oh, that kid's getting private coaching lessons. I'm not giving mine. Am I a bad parent? Or oh, this kid has private dance lessons or this kid has a tutor for the sat and I haven't even thought about the sat. Am I a bad parent? No, you're not a bad parent. We're all gifted in different ways. And it is not wrong to give our kids good gifts because our Father in heaven gives us good gifts. But childhood now is filled with these must have experiences. They're, they're presented to us as non negotiable like travel, sports, elite tutoring, language immersion, specialized camps, music lessons, curated vacations, STEM clubs, all of these things. Again, not any of those things in and of themselves is wrong, but we really need to look and see. Are they breeding discontentment? Because really what they're driven by is fear. That is the core emotion behind families today, giving their kids so much stuff. And I feel it too, because I'm Afraid. I'm afraid my kid's gonna fall behind if they don't participate, they're not gonna be as competitive, they're not gonna have what other kids have. But here's what the subtle shift has made. We have shifted from just simple joys in childhood, from focusing on development to resume building. And we're doing that even in childhood. And many kids are living exhausted. They're over scheduled, they're overstimulated. Not because they asked for it, because their parents are afraid. If I don't do it, you're going to be behind, I'm not going to be as good of a parent, I'm not going to give you enough. And this is exhausted childhood that is created by parental fear, not children asking us for things. Kids right now are experiencing adult level busyness because they have full time jobs, they're going to school wherever they're going to school. School is a full time job in and of itself. But then if you add on all of the extra things, you add on the tutoring, the sports practice, the music lessons, the church programs, the homework, the weekend tournaments, there is no room for unstructured time. No downtime, no boredom, no creativity, no emotional processing, no imagination. And what was once specials, those special experiences. I don't know about you, but I grew up in the generation like it was super, super special to get a Happy Meal at McDonald's. Like that was a, very special occasion that happened. But you still couldn't get cheese on your hamburger case. We had cheese at home. But anyway, that I digress.
Over scheduled childhood is impacting our relationships physically and spiritually
What was optional is now just the minimum standard. And we have kids who are just tired and they don't know how to rest, they don't know how to have free time. They reach for their devices to fill the void because they're constantly performing or producing. And for parents, we're scheduling this out of a place of anxiety because we are afraid. What if our kid falls behind academically? What if we don't nurture this hidden talent that they have and now they can't get an nil deal? Or we, we fear like we're not preparing them for a world that's really competitive. I know they want to go to this college, so we've got to do this. You fear that you're going to be judged by other parents and it comes from a place of love. But to our kids, it comes to them as a place of pressure. And kids internalize that pressure, even if they don't have the vocabulary or the awareness to say it. Because they think, they start to think, they really think this. If my parents are working this hard and spending this much money for me, I better be my best so that I can be worth it. I want to be worth what they're investing in me. And that over scheduling is changing. Childhood we are looking for at a shift from play based learning to performance based learning. We go from neighborhood play to activities that are carefully orchestrated and organized by adults. We go from family dinners at home to meals on the go. Between activities we go through rhythms of rest where it's, you know, if you're bored, okay, I'll give you something not to make you bored. And that's gonna be cleaning too. Constant stimulation. Kids used to have time to explore their identity, but now they're just pressured to image, craft, to have their identity from the beginning to excel at something. And kids are growing up how to perform, but they don't know how to be content. And they're not asking us for all these activities. And they're with, if they would ask you for something, they would probably say, can we just stay home today? Can we just do nothing today? Can you just play a game with us? Can you just spend time with us? Can we just be at home for once? Can we just hang out together? Can we just turn off the technology? I know you're thinking, my kid would never say that. You don't know. They might. They crave connection. That is a built in advantage that God has given them to crave connection with us. Your spouse should crave connection with you. Your children should crave connection with you. They don't want more events, they want more experiences with us. And it is costly. This over scheduled childhood. It is anxiety. And perfection is on the rise. It's impacting our relationships. It's impacting us physically and spiritually. Spiritually. There is no time to be still, to reflect or to pray or to hear God's voice. And faith even becomes a scheduled activity rather than an act, of, love, an act of obedience. So when we come back, I'm going to tell you more about why this is happening. I'm going to tell you what you can do about it, how, you can be content. Don't go away. I'll be right back.
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Somebody Prayed by Crowder: Every night there by your bed, you fold your hands and bow your head, throwing out another prayer in faith. When you're wondering if he's hearing you, look at me, I'm living proof I'm only right where I am today because somebody prayed So I hit my knees cause I see all heaven move in my, my God pick up when you pray, Father, please. Cuz, I seen what he can do. These hands have no power but there ain't an hour he don't come through. That's why when mountains move, I, say looks like somebody prayed
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is somebody prayed by Crowder. And maybe you've been listening to this show today on Ask doctor Nurse Mama Friday, and you've been feeling convicted, and you're thinking, maybe even you feel defeated because we're talking about being content. And this is one of the hardest things to be. But I want to tell you that somebody is praying for you, and that somebody is me. Me and my team, we prayed for you, our listeners, right before we came on air. We are praying for you, that God would strengthen you, that he would encourage you, that he would equip you for every good work. And in week one, we talked about the power of prayer. So if you're feeling overwhelmed here or there's one habit that's just harder to break than others, one habit that's harder to make than others, then don't underestimate the power of prayer. Just pray about it and ask God to help you. He will bless that. And when we talk about being content as a habit, it is hard because there are relational impacts. I was talking about over scheduling our families, and I read this phrase the other day, and it really, really gripped My heart. Let me share it with you. I'm, going to warn you, it hurts a little. Kids today feel like they're projects to manage rather than people to, enjoy. Let me read that again. Kids feel like they're projects to manage rather than people to enjoy. That's really, really hard. And sometimes in this consumer driven market we are raising products for, to go out into the world instead of investing in people. And as a family, we've got to have a reframe. And I know that most parents are out there doing the best that they can in a culture that's constantly telling you more is better, everyone else is doing more, your child needs more. You're not doing enough, you're not giving enough, you're not going enough, you're not saying enough. But here's the truth worth saying out loud. Kids do not thrive in a life filled with more demands. Kids thrive in a life where there's intentional margin built in, where there's contentment in their circumstances. And what kids really want most is time that's all their own. They want a home that is peaceful. They want to play with no reason. They just want to have fun, which we need more of in this world. We talked about play as one of our habits, and they want parents who aren't always exhausted and distracted. That is so hard. And the greatest competitive advantage that you can give your kid is a rooted identity in Christ. That is where we need to be investing in, not in having a resume by the age of 12. Now, a lot of this, I believe, comes from social media because parents aren't comparing their babies to their peers anymore. It used to be as a mom, you'd watch other kids developmental milestones. Maybe those kids were in the church nursery. Maybe it's their cousins, maybe it's somebody in their kindergarten class. Now they compare them to children across the globe thanks to social media. And there's increased pressure because you see other families vacations, you see their kids academic trophies, you see the perfect birthday parties, you see designer nurseries, you see coordinated lunches, you see elaborate family traditions, you see families who love each other, who actually like to spend time together. And all of these things that you see, they subtly breed discontentment. And I don't have time. I'm. We're working mom. I don't have time to make my kids lunches. my parents don't want to spend time with us. They're off on their own. They don't have anything for us. I, I'm not gifted in that crafty Way, I can't make that birthday party. We don't have the money for that kind of vacation. And the underlying message is that we don't have enough. We are failing if we don't have what everybody else has. And this is opportunity pressure that's coming because you hear this phrase all the time, oh, it's such a great opportunity, you should just move heaven and earth to do it. And you feel pressure to spend, spend, spend. And you feel pressure to give enrichment opportunities to your family, sometimes more than you can afford. We are commercializing our families. And advertisers know that guilt is a strong seller. So they are going to try to guilt trip you into buying something it doesn't. They don't care if you go into debt. They don't care. They only care about the bottom line.
Marketing has increasingly targeted children and their parents
So let's talk about this, about commercialization of childhood and how they use discontent as a commodity here because it is an industry, discontent is an industry. And over the last about two and a half decades or so, three decades, marketing has increasingly targeted especially children and their parents. They turn every stage of childhood into a consumer category. And what used to be simple or passed down is now has a purchased product that you absolutely can't live without. As some influencer is telling you on social media. And the consumer market segment views kids as a valuable commodity. We're talking about billions of dollars a year on advertising that is directed to families trying to pressure kids to ask their parents and then make them feel guilty if they don't have it. Children are not seen as future consumers. They can consume now. They are building brand loyalty now. And the message that goes out to kids is you need this. Without this, you're not going to belong, you're not going to fit in, you're not going to be cool enough, you're not going to be, ah, tough enough, smart enough, fast enough, you're not going to be. Just fill in the blank enough. And the message to parents that goes along with that is if you were a good parent, you would get your kid this. And parenting is being packaged and sold because we see this from parent parental anxiety and guilt that buys your kids, oh, I want the educational toy, not the non educational toy. Oh I, I have my infant on a screen. Let's make sure it's enriching. Oh, I, I want that designer baby product or I've got to have. There are even developmental subscription boxes like to help your child progress in development. And there are trend driven children's fashions. There's all kinds of Smart devices that you need, trackers and monitors and, and tools that are teaching your kid all of the time. Now, again, these things are not bad in and of itself. If I see you out on the street and you have a designer stroller, I am not going to judge you, okay? I promise you that. But it's about examining our own hearts and saying, why are we getting these things? What is the need here? What is our. What are our resources? And basically the core issue is, are we content with where we are? Because instead of marketing wants you not to trust your intuition, it wants you not to lean into your relationship. Marketing says, hey, you don't have what it takes emotionally or relationally to bond with your kid. You need some products to help you with that. Hey, you don't ha. You can't just help your child develop mentally and emotionally. You need equipment, you need some programs, you need some services to keep up, to help socialize them. And parenting has shifted from not an emphasis on being present, but on an M emphasis to purchasing something. And we see all of these milestones that are monetized. Again, any one one of these things, not a bad thing. Okay, I am not hating on any of these things. But if you really look at how these events are monetized, you can think about gender reveal parties, you can think about Pinterest themed birthday parties, first day of school traditions, matching photo shoots, personalized Easter baskets, Christmas Eve buckets, elf on the shelf, all of these things. It's just constantly telling you you don't have enough as a parent. You haven't created a good enough holiday, you haven't created a good enough birthday, you haven't created a good enough developmental experience. And you feel this chronic discontent. And what used to be really cheap, just joy filled relational markers. Now it is this pressure. It's to make childhood look impressive, to make childhood look curated, to make your family look curated. And play is belonging to companies. Because childhood used to be about imagination. I don't know if any of you have seen this movie, Miracle on 34th street, the original one. It is one of my favorite movies. And that one of the scenes is the, the man who plays Santa. And he's talking to the little girl who's never played with her imagination. And they have this really charming exchange about how much fun you can have with your imagination. And I know developmentally that is true. We're talking mud pies, we're talking backyard forts that were not, you know, built by professionals. We're talking about bike riding and sidewalk chalk and those and community playgrounds. But now we've got pressure to get branded toys, personalized toys. Franchise characters have everything in a series to have screen based entertainment in every venue, in our car, in our, in our homes, everywhere we go on the go. And for adults to organize and structure activities. And instead of kids creating play, they're consuming it. And that's with luxury branding. That's happening and that's really, really hard. We see the influencer effect. I talked about that a couple of weeks ago. Seeing childhood as content, seeing children as performative brands. Because we have, we have influencers who sell like, this is my family lifestyle. This is how I do that. Now some people make a living off of that. And I'm not, again, I'm not hating on that. I'm just saying you've got to evaluate your own heart and figure out where you are being tempted to be discontent. Because we're all different. We all know that one friend who is just as content as the day is long, and we're discontent. Looking at that contentment, thinking, I wish I could be as content is that person. Some people, it's really a lot more difficult. You feel that discontentment coming along a lot more easy. And that's okay. We just have to know ourselves and to block out those pressures and protect ourselves from those pressures. Because kids are growing up being watched and marketed to at the same time. And what that is stealing is stealing authentic connections. It's stealing resilience because tech does, everything for them is stealing spiritual grounding, because it's a checklist to do. It's a, it's stealing a sense of being seen for who they are, who God made them to be. The ways that they've been gifted with spiritual gifts, their temperament, their talents that they have. And children are subtly learning that contentment is bought. Contentment is not cultivated or learned. You buy contentment. Treat yourself is where we have, and we have got to seek a countercultural reframe. And we, we've got to look at that healthy truth that the greatest gifts we can offer our kids are a, secure identity in Christ. We can offer them imagination and play. We can offer them peaceful rhythms. We can offer them family belonging, spiritual truths, gratitude and contentment. And again, I think this is why the anxious generation is resonating so well, because we all inherently want these things. But we're tempted and we feel subtly discontent. And our kids are made to pick up on those subtle hints and they start absorbing, our discontent. They see us striving for more striving to be enough, striving to have that, you know, that performance that's there, the possessions that make them, that make us content. If I just had this house, if I just had this furniture, if I just had this car. And they start to think, okay, well I, I need to grow up and I need to be impressive, I need to be busy, I need to be exceptional.
We don't need more experiences as much as we need healthy present family members
And that is really hard. We've got to not pursue more. We're losing rest, we are losing family time together. We're losing joy. That is hard. So bottom line, we don't need more experiences as much as we need healthy present family members. Whether that's parents for children, whether that is grandparents, whether that is spouses. We don't need everything. We just need the right things. We don't need constant activity. We need rhythms and rest. And that is so important. Your presence is such a wiser investment than any experience that you could ever pay for. Now sometimes those experiences come in the forms of relationship investments. I'm really big into that. I love that. I love having experiences with my kids. But I've got to be on guard about being discontent because society is training you. They're using AI to do it. They're creating a felt need that is, language that marketing people will use and say, what is the need that we can tap into here? And then they're going to suggest, hey, your life is not complete without that. They use scarcity to, oh, with limited time only. It's only for this, it's only this deal for these days, you feel that sense of urgency and then they give you social proof saying, oh, see, everyone has this. You're the only one who doesn't have this. And then you have fear of missing out. And then it's normalizing for kids. Oh, well, I need the newest version of the phone, right? I mean, how many of you, your kids have a newer version of a phone than you do? I mean, I. It's just, it, it's just normalizing where we want to give our kids good gifts. We also see this in the wellness and influencer industry because there are products to be sold, there are curated lifestyles to be sold, there is a product there. And sometimes we can look at that. You don't recognize that discontentment, but it is there. And so we see it in kids. We talk about toys and birthday parties. In teens, we talk about body discontentment, feeling like experience envy. We have the need for online validation for parents. We think, oh, if I could just buy this house in this neighborhood, if I could just have this job, if I could just have this kind of spouse, this kind of vacation, this kind of social status. And then even with grandparents, if I could just be as healthy as this person, if I didn't have these health problems, if. If my children wanted to come and visit me more, if they were more involved, if, if I felt like, you know, I had a legacy. All of these things, we start to breed discontentment. And so something questions we can ask ourselves. Where do we feel that pressure to keep up? Where does discontentment creep into your life? What do you believe to that you need to be happy? If I just had this. And has comparison ever stole your gratitude? And so when you start to think, oh, I need or I want, one really great thing to do is just train your mind, have the discipline right there to say I need, and then stop yourself and say, I'm thankful for, and start to. To replace that with what you're thankful for. Because comparison is the thief of joy. And the thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. And I have had that where I felt like had to be the best mom. And it just left me exhausted. It left my home in conflict. It left my family feeling insecure. Because what are we going to need next? To make sure that we feel like I am the doing the best job that I can. But there are. There's ways that this is impacting our health. It is stressing us out. Stress is making us sleep poor, we're getting sick more often. We are still spiritually. We're shifting our identity from that in Christ to comparison. And it creates relational conflict. And when we come back, we're going to give some really practical steps for how we can retrain our worlds for contentment, how we can decommercialize childhood, and how we can be content whatever the circumstance. Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Joseph Parker prays Psalm 91 in a perilous world
Joseph Parker: a discipleship minute with Joseph Parker. He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in Him I will trust. Psalm 91, verses 1 and 2. In a perilous world, so many people are afraid, they're fearful. In a world where inner cities and many other communities are just simply dangerous places to be. We see the drug trafficking, human trafficking, muggings, murders, physical and sexual abuse. There is a place of safety in this world, and it's found in God. It's found in that secret place, that intimate relationship with God. No one can protect you like God can But it's important for us to do our part to appropriate, to place ourselves in that secret place. Praying Psalm 91. Every day is a very wise thing for all believers to do no one can protect you like God can.
Good Day by Forrest Frank: Okay, okay. Okay. I'm about to have a good day no matter what they say sun is shining down on me Birds are singing praise I'm about to have a good day in every single way.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Good Day by Forrest Frank on this Friday. It's hard not to let that song play a little longer. It definitely gets a bounce in my step. And you know, shout out to Forrest Frank. He is just really being such a great example of someone who is, I guess I'll show my age and say, as, Steven Curtis Chapman would say, he's living out loud. He is living his faith out loud. And we're talking today about being content. And when I think about Forrest Frank, who was injured in a skateboarding accident, broke his back, and instead of being discontent, thinking his music career is just taking off, he has all of these places he's supposed to go, all of this music he's supposed to make. He chooses gratitude and he starts making music flat on his back in bed. And it has just ended up with a lot of opportunities that he never would have had before to share more about his faith. It's given him a boldness that he didn't have before and I think we can learn from that. And one of the best songs that came out of that broken back was about Jesus making lemonade. Because when life gives us lemon, Jesus is helping us to make lemonade. And it's silly, but it is such a great message. So I encourage you to create a forest ranked playlist for your kids. If they're having trouble showing gratitude, that would be a great way to change your attitude. And it's a great lesson for us on being contentment and, being content. Because from where I sat just watching from the outside, it seemed Forrest was very content to trust, in the sovereignty of God, to know that God saw him, he loved him, he was not surprised by what he had and he was not going to be discontent. And God miraculously healed his back. So I digress. But when we talk about being discontent, you know, you could force, could have laid there with a broken back and he could have been discontent and then that, that, would have made him anxious, depressed, jealous, resentful. It would have made his stress hormones spike. It would have made him sleep terribly, made him tired, made him have inflammation in his blood vessels. It would have, it would have breeded entitlement, robbed him from gratitude, made him irritable, critical, jealous, competitive. Or you can choose contentment. And yes, maybe his back was still broken for a while. Maybe that circumstance, whatever you, you're feeling there, but you can know that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. And that goes back to the verse from Genesis, from the story of Joseph, where Joseph experienced circumstances from his brothers that would certainly breed discontentment. But Joseph saw that's where but God comes in. Because Joseph saw what Satan intended to use for evil, but God intended for good, for the saving of many lives. And it's very hard in today's day and age to live in that social media because we measure our Mondays next to somebody's highlight reel. We might be watching their vacation and we're just in the thick of a Monday morning and we start to subtly compare. We don't want to do it, but we do. We compare our accomplishments, we compare our lifestyles, we compare our homes, we compare our marriages. And if you, the algorithm says if you feel discontent, you'll stay online longer looking for a solution, and eventually we're going to be able to sell you that solution. So if you're a person who struggles with discontentment, if you're in a season of struggling with discontentment, if your family is struggling with discontent, you really need to consider ways to kick the algorithm out of your life and stop letting it dictate that problem. Because it's an illusion of better, wellness culture, influencer culture, just anything that's selling anything. They say, hey, buy this, you'll have a better, better body, you'll have a better life, you'll have a better home, you'll have better furniture, you'll have a better morning routine, you'll have better time management, you'll have a better relationship. And, it might just say, hey, you're almost there. Just buy this, do this. It'll finally put you over the top. And healthy habits are important. And there are some products that can be really transformational for our families. They can be really helpful in our businesses or our homes, which is true. But we've really got to think about our motivation. And at the root of all of that discontentment often is jealousy. That's just our fear that we won't be enough, that we won't have enough, that we're insecure, that we, don't know who we are in Christ. And jealousy often turns admiration into resentment. We start to admire something that someone has and then we admire it longer and longer and we think, well, I don't have that. Well, why don't I have that? Why can't I have that? Why don't I just go get myself that? Why doesn't anyone else see that I need to have that too? That's not fair. And that is hard. That's where. And that's what the algorithm wants. Because they say, you know what, we've got a solution for you. And this can happen in the holiday. Right now we've talked a lot about preparing yourselves from the holiday. So prepare yourself. Somebody is going to get more expensive gifts than you do. Somebody's home is going to look way more beautiful than yours. Here's something that I've learned. I used to be really discontent about that because I'm just not very good at that kind of thing. Now I know that I can go to my friend's homes and I can really enjoy that. And I didn't have to buy it and I didn't have to put it up and I don't have to take it down, but I can really enjoy that gift that they are giving me. We can all give our gifts and you may want to compare your family dynamics and thank you. their kids are coming home for Christmas or their parents want to see them or they're going on a vacation. And we're not those picture perfect online Christmases. That raises the expectation, it raises the pressure, it raises the risk to be discontent. So here's some questions to ask yourself when you scroll. Do you come away feeling encouraged or do you feel empty? That's really important because if you put your phone down and you feel worse than when you picked it up, then don't pick it up to begin with. Give yourself a fast from the algorithm. Ask yourself, do I celebrate others blessings or do I feel threatened by them? Am I jealous of them and do I resent them? Then ask yourself what message about enough. Is the culture in my home teaching my kids? Do they feel like they have enough? Are we always chasing a little bit more? And that is so important because the enemy is trying to make you feel dissatisfied. That is where it is. But we contentment is not going to just happen by accident. We can. I know I struggle with this as a mom at Christmas I start to plan all these experiences. But you know, life happens. Somebody's grumpy or somebody doesn't want to go to the Christmas train. They think they're too big for that. They've outgrown it. And I think I have put all of this work into planning this beautiful event and you can't even be grateful. I am so discontent. I am so discontent with your response. Contentment isn't going to just happen by accident. There's not going to be some magical fire from heaven that all of a sudden infuses your home with contentment. Paul said, remember that he learned that he had learned it. It's a discipline. You've got to practice it together. So think about some practical habits to build contentment in your home. Do you have daily gratitude? You can go back and listen to those episodes from way early in the year. It's so powerful. We call it vitamin G. And every time your kids are saying I want, say, okay, tell me something you want and tell me something you're grateful for. Tell me something you need. Tell me something you're grateful for. And just limit those comparison triggers that might be boundaries on your technology. That might be a fast from social media, that might be intentionally unfollowing accounts that make you discontent. Yeah, it starts off, I love looking at the transformations in homes, but all of a sudden I want that. Oh, I love looking at these cars, but all of a sudden I want that. So just untrigger yourself, take those triggers away. We've got to model contentment as parents, as grandparents, as spouses, because they do not. I don't know how this is working for you. It did not work for me. If you tell your kids, you know, you need to be grateful. There's children in Africa who are starving. You should be grateful for what you have. Those kinds of things, that's not going to work. They learn by watching us. They learn by watching us choose peace over striving, choosing contentment over, over longing for something that we don't have. And we've got to practice that verbal contentment. I'm so grateful for the home that we have. Just saying something like that. I love the living room that we have. I love the way that we all can gather around. There's enough room for everybody to sit at the table on Sunday. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for this about our home. It is. That's really powerful when you're looking at the holidays. Create some memory based traditions instead of ones that require purchase. So you can say, hey, some families do more, some families do us do less. We are going to do what fits our family and fits our budget. That's what we're going to do. We are going to be grateful for what God has given Us, we'll enjoy the ways that other people may bless us, and we'll bless other people and the ways that we are equipped to bless them. And when jealousy shows up, when that discontentment comes roaring in, Normalize it. Say, okay, this is a normal human feeling. But don't let it lead your behavior. Don't let it captivate your heart. Name it. Say, I feel jealous. And then trace it. Think, okay, what. What is the fear behind this? What am I afraid I'm gonna miss out on? And replace it with gratitude, with blessing others. So name it, claim it and replace it. That's what you're going to do. Name it. What is the emotion you're feeling? Discontentment. Claim it. I've. I'm afraid of this. If I don't have this, then replace it with gratitude. That's really a simple way to practice that discipline over and over and over again. And ask your family, what would change in our home if we stopped comparing ourselves and just started celebrating? What. What are we rushing toward? What are we striving for that God has never asked us to do, that God has never called us to do? What is from us and what is from God? Are we chasing more or are we stewarding what we have that is really important to do? Contentment doesn't come from what we're trying to reach with our hands. It comes from what we're holding in our hearts. That's where it comes from. And so when we look at, especially the holidays approaching, push back on commercializing childhood. When you see it, push back against that marketing pressure. Look for opportunities that are simple, that are joyful, that are grounded in Christ's birth and the reason for the season that is really important. Don't let your kids be consumers in training and think, okay, I want this, I want this, I want this. And this is something that is hard because I will tell you, having older kids, their gift list gets expensive. And you start thinking, okay, what am I? What do I need to get? And you've just got to be content in the circumstances that God has given you. And I can tell you from my own experience, I'm sure you can as well. I want you to think back to that one gift that you got that wasn't particularly expensive, that wasn't a wow factor, as far as it. Maybe it wasn't a brand name, maybe it wasn't big. Maybe it was something simple and homemade. My kids know that's all I want from them for Christmas, is I just want them to write me, get me a card, write Me a letter. I want them to share their feelings with me. Those are the things that I treasure. Those are the things that I ponder and put in my heart and those things that they make with their hands, those things that come from the imagination of their heart. And I know we say that it's cliche, yet we sit on that social media, we sit in the store and we lie to ourselves and we think, but, but on Christmas morning. Oh, but, but, but, but. No, we've got to push against that.
Think about what are your family values for the holidays
So think about what are going to be your family values for the. What is going to guide your decision making over the holidays? What are you going to value? What kind of Christmas are you going to craft and how are you going to be content with that? And when you're thinking about an experience, when you're thinking about a purchase, think. Does this align with the values that we set or are we just succumbing to pressure from cultural marketing? I also really encourage you over the holidays to give your kids the gift of boredom. They need unstructured time. Give them device free time with the cousins. I've interviewed several guests who have cousin camps with their grandkids. give kids some old fashioned fun. They need it. They need things that are not tech driven. They need to play board games, they need to do puzzles, they need to go on walks, they need to bake cookies from scratch. They need these kinds of activities that inherently build themselves towards relationships. And so h, whether you have a tech Free Tuesday or whatever it is, go back and think about those ways that tech and is stealing your contentment. And again we talked about that all in the summer. If that's a big struggle for you, you can go back and listen to that. It's helpful and think about, you know, don't strive for that holiday that's bigger, better, best, just simple and meaningful. Maybe this is the year you scale back things. Maybe this is the year that you decide to use your money in a different way. Maybe it's the year you're going to normalize saying we're not doing that this year. Here, give, give yourself permission to opt out and just to say no, we are not available and not to be tortured by guilt and not to give a million excuses and not to say, well I'm not giving them this, but there's a good reason. And let me explain, just say no, we're choosing something different this year. That's it. Just model that contentment. This is enough for us right now. And so I encourage you kids, everyone in your family is spelling love. You've heard this said before. They spell it T, I, M, E. They're going to remember rhythms, they're going to remember relationships. They're going to remember those special things that you do together. So talk to your kids, help them to decode that advertising. Ask them, what are, what is this company? What is this influencer? What is this ad trying to sell you? And what do you feel like you don't have enough, that you aren't enough, that you need that start to explain these psychological marketing tactics that companies are using. Because that might be FOMO marketing. Oh, only the best best. You know, only the. Everyone has this, you don't have it. Avoid, reject those influencers and comparison traps that's so important to do. And think about where has commercialization crept in to your Christmas? And thinking about, are we just over scheduling to keep up with others? Are we buying out of guilt? Are we trying to fill an emotional gap? What are we doing? What am I afraid of? what am I happen if we do less? Where is comparison creeping in the most? And think about what you're going to do differently in your family. And when your family feels most loved, it's going to be probably when you're together doing a lot of nothing. And I hope that you feel contentment in that. And I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon You can't wait to see here on Monday. Jeff Chamblee The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
