Transcript

Preborn needs your help to provide affordable ultrasounds for pregnant women

Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, preborn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR Hello and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day. On my favorite day of the week, it is fry. Yay. I love Fridays. It's. It's such a great change of energy. And because it is Friday, it is Ask doctor Nursemama Friday. And this year we have been concentrating on developing 52 habits for healthy families. So if you've been listening in, great. Good for you. We are almost through the year. I can't wait to look back and see how much we've grown and to hear some of your stories. But if you're just joining in, that's fine, too. You can go back and listen to any Friday show. Or if you want the one minute version, you can go to the doctor Nursemama coaching minutes. In January, we started with spiritual disciplines. We went through and talked about rhythms for your family. We talked about communication. We have talked about safety. And now we are in what I'm calling our, B. Attitudes. It's talking about the attitudes that we can have as a family. And as we've talked about this, we have talked about being hopeful in a world that seems hopeless, being a good friend, being unafraid, being an influencer, being resilient. And this week, the challenge for you is being intentional.

The enemy steals time with our family because of our lack of intentionality

So I will be answering some questions about how we're not intentional. And this might sound like, okay, really being intentional, but I really believe the enemy comes to steal and kill and, destroy. And one of the ways that he is stealing time with our family, he is stealing outcomes and blessings that God would have for us is because of our lack of intentionality. So I want to start by reading to you From Ephesians, chapter 5, which is Wake up, sleeper. Rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. Be very careful then how you live. Not as unwise, but as wise. Making the most of every opportunity. Did you hear that? Because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the word, what the Lord's will is.

We need to reclaim our time, our relationships, and our purpose through intentional living

So we're going to talk about waking up from autopilot. There are so many ways in which our lives are automated today. We need to wake up from that and not be on autopilot and reclaim, reclaim our time, our relationships, and our purpose through intentional live living. Because culture is celebrating hustle, and it is luring us, to digital distraction. But God calls us to walk wisely and to live with intention. Now we're intentional about things like our budget or maybe our next vacation, but not always about our souls. So I really, really want to encourage you to wake up. Today. We wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up to ways that you maybe are not living intentionally. Because if we don't live with godly intention, the world is gladly going to fill the gaps. For that. We need to think about what does it mean to wake up spiritually and prioritize our heavenly goals over our earthly ones? That's so difficult to do. But we live in an age of intentionality about temporary things. That's really where our investment is going, all of the things that are here. And yet we're just passive about earthly, about our, our eternal things, about being intentional, about storing up our treasures in heaven. We're not very intentional about that. We kind of just think, okay, well, I'm just gonna live my life every day and just hope for the best. But the apostle Paul warns us pretty strictly there not to drift. And intentional living starts with being aware of how we are living in an age like that. Because living intentionally, it's a buzzword. It is a cultural buzzword. Spiritual impact from that. So let's talk about some awareness here. Let's. Let's answer some questions about how are people living intentionally in modern culture? Where is that intentionality really showing up in our lives? Because we will all say, oh, yes, we are want to be intentional about discipling our families, but our credit cards and our calendars will tell the real tale. Because when we talk about modern intentionality, most of the things that we're putting our effort towards are about optimizing ourselves, optimizing our life here on Earth. We're not talking about soul transformation. We're talking about things like health and wellness. Now, if you think, am I being intentional about that? Well, do you track your steps? Do you count your macros? Do you schedule a workout? Do you do those kinds of things for health and wellness? Well, that's a measure of intentionality. Not bad. But is it balanced we have, huh? We pursue things like productivity and success because we may have a career goal. I know many people are required even to have career goals. There is that, that accountability from the employer. They want to make sure that they're getting a good return on their investment. You may have some sort of vision board or goal board or bucket list. You might have a be looking for a certain promotion. We also look at being intentional in our personal branding. Now here's where it gets really uncomfortable because we think, oh, well, I'm not a business, I don't have a personal brand. Well, if you have an online identity, you do have a personal brand. Because we invest in being intentional about the way that we present ourselves on social media, about the content that we may create or even if it's just we think it's just for our friends, just for our personal circle, there's an intentionality there. When we go to post, we definitely have intentions about our financial growth. Those intentions aren't always, f fulfilled because there's so many temptations along the way. But we may be intentional about budgeting or investing or having certain financial goals. Working for a car or for a house or for retirement. We may be intentional experiences. We want to have our family have new traveling experiences or try a new hobby or just have something that is experiential. This is so fascinating to watch play out in the culture because where you used to have this is especially playing out in hotels. So where you used to have a hotel bar where people would go and drink, you see, actually those bars are going away and people are preferring experiences over that. They want a rock wall to clim. They want some sort of unique curated experience because they recognize we want these life experiences. But again, none of these are inherently wrong. None of these are wrong. In fact, some can be good stewardship when they're rightly ordered. But without that eternal balance, really, we start focusing on what our family life is here on earth and we start intentionally measuring that value by achievement or by appearance or by affirmation. And that is really hard.

Are we balancing activity management and scheduling over spiritual formation?

So when we look at our families, how are we as families being intentional? We're really being more intentional about activity management and scheduling over spiritual formation. We're much more intentional about our schedule. Let me tell you, I'm guilty of this. I have a color coded calendar. I am very intentional about making sure I know who is doing what, who has to go where, what is due when all of those things. Because having four kids, there's just a lot to manage and that's not A bad thing. But are we balancing that with intention on spiritual formation? So some of the things that we invest in as families is we really invest intentionally in extracurricular success. It might be the sports teams or the sports lessons or music or academics or college prep. All of those things are really prominent on our calendar, as are the lifestyle experiences. We think we want the picture with the matching clothes or the, you know, color coordinated outfits out in the field of grass. Like every family wants those things. And we're very intentional about getting those pictures, or we're intentional about having comfort and convenience, making sure our homes, our cars, our tech, they are making sure we're living a comfortable and convenient life or even education. Again, none of these things are wrong in isolation. They are not wrong at all. The danger comes when good things become the great things, the ultimate things, the things that we are intentionally investing in that crowd out the time and attention that should be reserved for spiritual formation, for discipleship, for God's purpose. And Scripture gives us a very clear measuring rod for things that are worthy of pursuit. Those things that need to be balanced on our calendar with the sports and the tech and the academics or whatever it is and the job, those things that need to be balanced to make sure that we're also storing up for ourselves. Treasures in heaven are the relationships. And those are the messiest. Those are the least tangible. They don't give us nice returns like some of those other investment do. You don't say, okay, meet your goals this year, you get a promotion, you get a raise. You know, you don't say, okay, well, at home I've invested in my relationship and I meet my relationship goals. You don't get a raise a lot of times, but you have that eternal reward and you have a more satisfying relationship here on earth. We need to be investing in discipleship, raising our kids to know and love and serve Jesus. Is that just as important as being intentional investing and other things that are for their future? Because we think we as parents, we are invested in our kids future. As adults, we're invested in our own futures. But we need to make sure that that future doesn't end at death, that there is a continuum that goes on to eternal life. So if we're not spending enough as much time raising our kids to know and love Jesus, not spending enough time on our own spiritual formation as we are in pursuit of other things, there needs to be some balance. That's where Paul's calling us to wake up. We need to prioritize and invest in worship, creating those Rhythms that keep our heart aligned with God's presence. We need service. We need to use our time and talents for kingdom purposes, both locally and around the world, if we so have the opportunity. And rest is something worthy of investing in. We need to be intentional about rest. Now, all of these things, all of these habits that we need to be intentional about are things that we have talked about before. And now is a good time to go back and listen to those Friday shows, listen to those habits that we've gone through, and think, think. Okay, am I being intentional about pursuing these? I know I need to do them, but where are they intentionally structured into our lives now? When do we know when that intention. When our intention is off the mark, when it is misguided, when we are investing in things that are worthless? Well, here are some things to consider here. Join me on a little heart check. That might be so convicting, because it was convicting for me. Here are things that we. Ways that we know that what we're investing in is not a worthy pursuit. First of all, if what we're pursuing feeds our ego more than it feeds our soul, we know that is not a worthy pursuit. If we are really balancing and putting our effort forward for recognition, for likes, for validation rather than obedience, that investment is misplaced. If our investments create busyness but not fruitfulness. So our schedule is full, but our soul is tired. Yeah, you're doing all the things. Yeah, you're going all the places, but you confuse activity with purpose. There's some things that we just need to take out of our lives because they are not helping us to bear any fruit in our lives. Another way, another red flag would be that they neglect what God values most. So here is a really tough one. Okay, y', all, don't, don't come for me here. But when family prayer, family worship attendance is optional, but soccer is non negotiable, we're gonna be there no matter what. We're prioritizing that we will be there. There is no excuse for that. But, oh, this, the sports, the, whatever, it went late. We really want to sleep in. We're going to prioritize rest. Oh, that's hard. That is something that we really need to look at our priorities. Another red flag is if our investments and if our intentionality is driven by comparison and not calling, we feel pressured to keep up with the Joneses. We feel like, well, their kids are doing this, so we should do this. Well, they're doing this in their marriage, so we should do this. You know, they're going this place. So we should do that. If they're draining joy and distorting identity, if they're. It's. If that pursuit, if that intentionality is leaving you anxious or resentful or disconnected from your family, it is very likely. It's not spiritual, spirit led. So we gotta discern the difference. Ask yourself, is this pursuit drawing me closer to Christ or is it distracting me from spiritual growth? Am I doing this for God's glory or my own glory and gratification? Would this still matter in eternity? I think of my granny. She was so good in telling me this. I would be so upset about something, whether it was some object that I'd misplaced or lost or whatever it was. And she would just look at me and say, jessica, that's all going to be burned up in the fire. That is when God makes a new heaven and a new earth. That is going to be long gone. And I still hear her voice telling me that. Ask yourself, is this investment producing the fruit of the spirit? Is it helping you achieve love, joy, peace, patience, kindness? Ah, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or the fruit of striving? Do you have anxiety? Do you have comparison? Do you have pride? Do you have greed? And does this align with your family's mission or values or just your comfort and your reputation? Oh, that is tough. I know, I know. I'm going to say it one more time though. Is it aligning with your family's mission and values as you state them? Or is it really just we want to be comfortable and we want to be well respected? These are tough things and things that I definitely struggle with too. When we come back, I'll be talking about a cultural check and give you a framework for some intentional living. We'll have more help and hope on this.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Ask.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Ah, Dr. Nurse, Mama Fry. Yay.

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Look What You've Done by Tasha Layton: Look what you've done. How could you fall so far? You should be ashamed of yourself. So I was ashamed of myself. The lies I believed they got some roots. that run deep. I let them take a hold of my life. I let them take control of my, life standing in your presence, lord, I can feel you digging all the roots up. I feel you healing all my wounds up. All I can say is hallelujah. Look what you've done. Look what you've done in me. You spoke your truth into the lies I let my heart believe. Look at at me now look how you made me New the enemy.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's look what you've done by Tasha Layton

We are talking about being intentional in changing your family culture

And that's what we're talking about today on this fry. Yay. We are talking about being intentional. We are walking through 52 habits for healthy families. We are getting to the end of the year. And I will try to restrain myself from saying that we're getting closer to my favorite holiday at the end of the year. I'll just leave it at that. But we are in week 42 of this year. We just have a few weeks left in the end of the year. And I'm encouraging you to look back at the habits that we have already visited or maybe go and visit them for the first time and think about how you can be intentional in changing your family and really overhauling the culture of your family. And when we look at culture, there is a real pull for us to be intentional here in the world. That's where the enemy wants us to focus our time, not on what's eternal. And when we look at the worldly perspective versus a biblical perspective of intentionality, we have a very clear comparison here because the world tells us, hey, improve yourself, help yourself. The Bible says, hey, be transformed. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The world says, hey, it's you deserve it, you earned it. Treat yourself, be comfortable. And the we say and spiritual world with an internal eternally. We're saying surrender. That's the important thing is surrender to what God has for Us, we look at control versus obedience, we look at visibility versus faithfulness, we look at accumulation of stuff versus stewardship of things that God has given us. And most importantly, we look at temporary achievements that are here on this earth that will be very easily forgotten as our, as our legacy goes here on earth. But we'll what do we have that's eternal? So intentional living in Christ isn't about having the perfect life. It's about aligning your life with God's perfect will, which is so much more encouraging. It's not about doing more, but doing what matters most. And when your daily choices are, are flowing from your values, your values flow from Scripture. Then you move from reacting to what's happening in the world to redeeming your life in Christ. That is so important. So in short, modern culture is teaching us intentional living to per for personal gain. But the Gospel calls us to intentional living for kingdom impact. And that might be uncomfortable, that might be scary, that might be risky, but the reward is so worth it because God gives us reward for that. And the difference is motivation and direction because one points inward while the other points upward. And that is so important.

Cultural drift is the easiest way to take Christians away from intentionality

So I'm asking families today to wake up and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal where you're sleeping through your calling as a family. And one of the things that is the most tempting for us is cultural drift. The culture is, distracts us. I think distraction is the easiest way to take Christians away from intentionality because we think, okay, I'm, I'm just distracted. I'm not doing anything bad. I'm not, you know, pursuing something that's intentionally destructive. I'm just distracted. And so we've got to examine those threats that erode our intentionality. Some of those are distraction, like I said, over commitment is one that I see a lot. The pressure for perfectionism, all of those things are there. So here's, here's a real wake up call for you. Have you heard this phrase before? We're living in what's called an attention economy. An attention economy, our, focus is being bought and sold by the highest bidder. And it just happens when you open that little square that you carry around in your purse or pocket, that little blue light square called the smartphone. When we have those notifications and endless scrolling and influencer culture, it is, it dulls our discernment and it lures us into distraction because the enemy has discovered that it. But it's far more effective to not try to just outright destroy your family, to destroy it through distraction. That's what's happening and then se tension, economy. Our focus is the most valuable commodity. So every app, every ad, every platform, every device, including the television that's in your house, if it's a smart tv, it's designed to keep you distracted, to keep you scrolling, to keep you clicking, to keep you consuming your attention isn't free. It is being monetized. It's being sold to the highest bidder. And every, every one of those notifications or suggested videos, that is an algorithm that is engineered to hijack your curiosity because you no longer start to be intentional about what you're watching, what you're consuming, what you're engaging with, what you're spending your time on. You're letting the algorithm tell you where to divert your intention and your time and your focus. That is really tough. So if you are not paying attention, I'll tell you this, friends, you're being sold. That's what's happening. And if you're not intentional, someone else is certainly being intentional with you. And there's a cost to this constant distraction. It doesn't just waste time. There is a cost on our brains, on our health and our relationship. Let me tell you. In work, the average worker is interrupted about every 11 minutes and it takes about 25 minutes to refocus focus. So productivity drops, creativity fades. That is there. And school students who are accustomed to that rapid fire digital input, they have a hard time reading something that's deep like the Bible, or thinking critically about something like their faith, or delaying gratification like self control and the fruits of the spirit. And that is, that is how it is resocializing us. And in communication, we talk near one another instead of of to one another, with one another. We have eye contact, empathy, presence. Those are replaced by quick responses and just distracted glances. We are not listening to understand, we're only listening to reply. And I believe that distraction is just an incredible enemy of relational closeness. Whether that's with God, whether that's with your spouse, whether that's with your kids. It is distraction, isn't it? Enemy because it breeds resentment. When your family realizes that you're constantly distracted, you're not being intentional with your time or effort, they get really upset. So to live intentionally with our families, you've got to become a student of the people God has entrusted to you in your life. It is not enough just to be with them, to spend time with them, to be physically present, you have to be physically, mentally, emotionally present. You have to know them. So asking yourself what makes each member of my family feel seen and known and loved and am I investing my time in making sure they feel seen and known and loved in our family? And I will tell you, I believe the grace of God makes the bar so low for this. I'll give you one example. I just bought flowers for one of my daughters the other day. Just a little thing of flowers to put on her desk. And she came to me and she said that made me feel so seen. It, just made me smile to know you were thinking about me, you were being intentional when you were out. It's so, and it was so easy to do. And I do believe that that's the grace of God. We don't have to come m up with a big algorithm of a plan, a blueprint, a strategic plan of what we're going to do. We just need to know what makes my family members and when we're a student of them, when we know their love language, when we know that' words of affirmation. We know that's quality time, we know that's gifts. It becomes much easier to do that. And then you should know in your family, how does each person express love and stress and joy and fear and be intentional in looking for those emotions. Think about what rhythms or conversations open their hearts. Then be intentional about having those rhythms, about having those conversations. For me and my house, that is bedtime with my kids, having that nighttime conversation. I know if the house is peaceful at night, if we have family dinner at night, if I'm going in there to say goodnight, we're likely going to have a great conversation. So you've got to invest in those rhythms and to know what unspoken needs they might have. Because that is a great way to strengthen your relationship, is recognizing and responding to those unspoken needs. And being an intentional student of your family means you're curious and you're observant and you're responsive and you're not distracted. And that is the model that Jesus gave us. So some practical ways to, to study your family is to schedule some uninterrupted presence. Put your phone down, put your eyes up, ask some open ended questions. What? Don't say how was your day? Say what was the best part of your day? What was your favorite part of your day? What was the funniest part of your day? What was the scariest part of your day? What's something you wish I understood about you right now? And notice those patterns, what triggers frustration, what activities bring peace because so often we repeat those patterns. Maybe it's clutter and you need to listen to our series with Kathi Lipp. Or maybe it's just schedule, it's over commitment. But when you love, when you learn your family, when you learn them, you can love them more effectively. That's so helpful. And let me tell you, especially for kids, it's so important to recognize issues early, seeing trouble before it starts, because that gives you the opportunity to, to see things early. But so often we're distracted. We miss that little glance that might happen. We miss that side eye somebody gives. We miss that very brief momentary expression or that you know something that you don't quite hear and you say what was that? And they say never mind. And you just say it because you want to get back to doing what you're doing. And intentional families do not avoid conflict or struggle. They detect it early. And this is the building blocks for resilience in your kids brains. It's so important.

When your family culture cultivate spiritual disciplines, you become sensitive to guidance

And this is where spiritual and emotional disciplines work so beautifully together. So when your family culture cultivate spiritual disciplines like we did in January, prayer, scripture, going to worship, listening to music, you become sensitive to conviction and guidance. When you have healthy rhythms like we talked about in the spring, that's shared meals, Sabbath rest, having a family check in, you're creating space for those small issues to surface before they grow. So you don't have to have a knockdown drag out you, you know those things because they're coming up in conversations. When you engage in healthy communication like we did later in the spring, early in the summer, you normalize expression of emotions and you prevent resentment. I was looking at some research the other day with a researcher who said he could predict with 93% accuracy whether a couple would divorce or not by watching a video. And he said what he would look for is that little side smirk where you pull your face to the side and you're kind of of like, yeah. He said that marks contempt. And once there's contempt in a relationship, like your emotions are dumb. You, the, the demands that you put on me are unrealistic. You've got real trouble there. But when you have healthy communication, you can prevent that resentment. That, that that's really important to do. You've got to have coping skills, naming your emotions and modeling resilience and reducing your reactivity. These things just aren't going to happen on their own. You've gotta be intentional about what you're working on and having some safety frameworks. When you've got emotional and physical security that is going to create the way for vulnerability. In being intentional and seeking that. And together all of these things are creating a family ecosystem where you can talk freely about your concerns. I actually even saw, Prince William talking about this in an interview, saying we're a very open family, we want to talk about things, we talk about our feelings. And I thought it was extraordinary to see that kind of transparency and saying we need to be a family where we can talk about our feelings. All of us want to be that family, but it's hard to do that. And it won't happen without intentionality. But when we're intentional, when we're attentive, when we're being attentional, we notice when that child's laughter kind of fades into withdrawal. When a spouse's, when your spouse's tone shifts from engagement to just being fed up, when that digital noise is replacing that meaningful connection. It's so important because we have digital distraction is the silent thief. It's a thief of our time. It's the thief of intentional listening. And they're meant to serve us as our devices, but they are shaping us more than they're serving us. Because we are scrolling when we should be shepherding, we are entertaining when we should be equipping. We are, are disconnected in spirit when we're trying to connect online and we know that the average adult checks their phone hundreds of times a day every five to six minutes. Our focus is fractured. And we have trained our brains to seek that dopamine hit from the phone because it's much more gratifying to go to our phone and see somebody liked our post or there's something that we like that's on sale or an appointment that we've been waiting for is available now. Or there's a new game that's fun that gives you a dopamine hit. And I'll tell you, going into your kids room and training them about how to put the dirty clothes in the hamper, that does not give you a dopamine hit at least has not been my experience at all. We've got to restore our intentionality in a distracted world by doing things like anchoring our day spiritually. Again, these all go back to the habits we've talked about. Bedtime routine, nighttime routine, having Sabbath, having eye contact, naming our feelings and talking about them, having those, those intentional rhythms is so important because intentional attention, we're not just talking about productivity, we're talking about spiritual discipline. That really is what this is. And Jesus, Jesus, he modeled this so perfectly. He noticed when people were ignored, he paused for people who interrupted him. He attended to hard hearts more than he cared about outcomes. He a lot of times paused things that were really important to seek out things that seemed less important. We've got to have that. In a culture that rewards distraction, paying attention is an act of worship. It says to your family, you are worthy of my attention and my intention. That is so important. When we live this way, families are become safer emotionally and spiritually. Marriages become more connected. Children feel seen and not just managed. And homes become havens, not just headquarters for where we're producing our products. Faith becomes a lived experience, not a weekly obligation. Well, when we come back, I'm going to talk about some of the barriers to intentional living and the things again that keep us from doing this and, and we'll talk about building a legacy, how we live with intentional impact. I'll be back on this Friday after the break.

Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee: We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, senior vice president of the American Family Association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. At American Family association, we're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family, and we recognize it's an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful to pray for this ministry, to give financially and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical foundations.

God Only Knows by FOR KING + COUNTRY: God only knows God only knows what you've been through. God only knows knows they say about you.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is God only knows by for king and country and God only knows what you're doing today. But I'm so glad that you have tuned in on this Ask doctor, Nurse Mama Friday.

We are in our series on Friday developing 52 habits for healthy families

We are in our series on Friday for this year developing 52 habits for healthy families. We are in our BE attitudes, intentionally putting us a pause there because we're talking about ways to be. That's where we are in this. Go back and listen and catch up if you haven't already. It's coming up on the end of the year and I'll be asking you about how you've done and are there any of these small changes that have made a big impact on your family Today we are talking about being intentional and in a world where we see constant conflict and where where life is becoming increasingly more fragile, it seems it's so important for us to fix our eyes on eternity, fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross despising his shame, and is now sitting at the right hand of God. That is the reality of what we believe. But what is the reality of how we're living that out here? And we all want to be intentional. We all want to say yes. Discipleship of our family is so important. No matter what stage of life you're in, whether you have littles or whether you have teens or whether you have grownups, whether it's you and your spouse, whatever family, whether you're single, whatever stage of life that God has called you to walk through, we've got to live intentionally. But there are a lot of barriers that keep us from that.

Even our best intentions are derailed by these subtle barriers to intentional living

And so I'm going to talk about some barriers to intentional living. Because if we don't align ourselves with God's purposes, we're going to try drift on the cultural, cultural current. It's just going to happen. Because even our best intentions are derailed by these subtle barriers, by the thief of time, A, life unexamined, shall we say. And the first barrier that we have is just a lack of clarity. We cannot live intentionally if we don't know that. We know that we know what matters most. And most people are going to spend more time on planning their vacation, then really listing out their values. This is what's important to me. And without clarity on who you are, who your family is, what God is calling you to do, you're going to default to react rather than to lead and to be intentional in that. Maybe that's, you know, just chasing a job or a hobby or just parenting reactively or drifting spiritually. God designed you with purpose and identity. And clarity comes when you, you seek God first. When you seek to know who he is, he will reveal to you who you are. And we know this from Proverbs 3, 5 and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. So you gotta define your core values. What do you want to be known for? What are your core values? What is your life's mission statement? Second barrier that comes is again, just distraction and over commitment. I talked about this a little bit. Our culture idolizes busyness. I mean, you can see it marketed about the hustle and the grind. And we wear exhaustion like a badge of honor. But over commitment is really fracturing our attention, and it prevents us from being fully present for where we need to be. and that is. Is really hard. Distraction is really the enemy of devotion. And Jesus modeled that margin. He often withdrew to quiet places at Luke 5:16 tells us, Jesus withdrew to a lonely place and he prayed. And so we need to have that margin built into our space, that white space on our calendar for rest and reflection and relationship and to throw away any guilt that says, oh, we're not doing anything. Yes, we are. We're resting, we're renewing, we're recharging, charging.

Another big barrier is fear. It keeps us from acting on God's direction

Another big barrier is fear. Just straight up fear. It keeps us from acting on God's direction. And we just think that just paralyzes our progress because we think, I can't do it. Or maybe I don't want to do it. Maybe I don't want to. I'm kind of comfortable where I am, you know, God's calling. That's kind of scary stuff. I don't want to step out on faith on that. I, I just want to stay here in my little comfort zone. And we're there. And sometimes parents can be afraid to lead spiritually because they feel like. Like, am I qualified? Well, yes, you are qualified. Get equipped. That's what you need to do. And that is hard. But fear is not of God. That is a tool of the enemy to stifle your purpose, do. God has not given you a spirit of fear, but a power and love and a sound mind. And that is what we need to use to replace fear with God's word. So think about, you know what fear is holding you back from living intentionally and surrounds yourself with people who speak life and truth, not fear. The other thing is, the external pressures are real because culture, Culture is constantly defining success. For us, that success comes in money and image, in influence and reputations. And when we are living in that world, it is. We lose our joy. Joy. It steals our joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. And how do we do this? Well, we parent products. Oh, this is so terrible to say, but this is true. Sometimes we take that mindset and we think our children are products that we are. We are, delivering here and to the world instead of people and souls that we are called to nurture and to raise. That is so important. And we just cannot serve God and culture at the same time. Jesus did not call us to, to, oh, blend in, enjoy the world, do the best that you can, and sprinkle a little spiritual on top. He called us to stand apart. In Romans we are instructed, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. And sometimes that means families do things that are radically different. Maybe they donate their vacation money to some service cause, to a charity, something like that. These kinds of things always make people scratch their head and say why? What are you doing? That is living counterculturally. And it's amazing in that way. Another barrier is just unexamined habits. We just are living on autopilot and we've got daily routines that have become ruts that just no longer serve us where we need to be served and helping us grow where we need to grow. And that means that we're just eating in front of the tv, we're eating with our phones at the table. We're doing just managing by surviving our routine rather than thriving in connection that our routine gives us. Or maybe it's just church attendance is obligatory, we're just on autopilot. But habits form hearts. And we've got to in 1st Timothy 4, 7, discipline ourselves for the purposes of godliness. That's so important. We've got to look at our routines thinking are they helping us to be intentional? Are they keeping us from what we want to be intentional about? The honest truth is too, a lot of us are just burned out. We're just plain tired and we can't pour from an empty cup. The last thing we want to do is think about a strategic plan for our family when we're exhausted. But when we're exhausted, we lose that sensitivity to the spirit. We lose our creativity in solving problems. We lose our compassion for the people who are living with us. And if we're constantly exhausted because we're working too much, we're not managing our emotions. We're parents are taking care of everybody, but not themselves. And, and survival mode. We're just in survival mode. I thought about that when I've said that with my own family. Thinking about we're in survival mode right now, when we don't need to be. When there's times where it has not been a great tragedy, it has not been the death of a loved one, the sickness of someone, some significant trauma that's happened to us. It's just self inflicted. We're in survival mode because we can't manage our schedule. That is really hard and that comes from lack of boundaries. Because without boundaries everybody else's urgency becomes our emergency. And that is just not fair. We've got to have healthy boundaries and give our best. Yes, because sometimes we feel Guilty. And we might say, okay, yes, we'll volunteer for everything at school. And we feel like we're more visible than ever. But yet, you know, who feels invisible in that? Our kids feel invisible in that sometimes. And, or if we're over committed to activities, we lose that spiritual rhythm. Or, we're just overwhelmed just trying to fix everybody's problems and manage the way that it looks on the outside. And that is, that's not healthy. That's not what God's called us to do. He's also not called us to perfectionism. And that disguises itself as excellence. But really, if you want the truth, that's really fear in disguise. It's just fear that keeps us stuck. Fear that we're not going to give our kids enough, we're not going to be enough, we're not going to have enough. It's just, it is not from the Lord. And we hide our struggles as, especially as Christians, because we can't. What if our, what if people knew that our family was going through this? Oh my goodness. What if people knew? What if they could help you to heal? That is so important.

Men need to step up and lead their families with intentional presence

God did not call us, us to perfection. He knew that we wouldn't, but he called us to progress. He called us to surrender. And he tells us, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. So we've got to replace that perfection with presence. That is really what we need. Our kids don't need perfect parents. Your spouse doesn't need a perfect spouse. They just need you to be present and surrendered. That is really hard to do. And I really encourage the men out there, the husbands, the fathers who are listening to lead your family with intention. Don't drift. Don't defer this to someone else. Don't defer or outsource your family spiritual growth. Don't delegate your spiritual leadership. Be the first to live with intention. Be the first to pray, the first to protect, the first, to prioritize faith over your schedule, over your comfort. And your family, again, is looking for that consistent, grounded, intentional presence. And I really believe that men, husbands, fathers, I believe they have such an opportunity to step up here and to lead. Because so many families are just kind of floating along and we think, okay, well, maybe, a better season, an easier season is just going to come along. But intentional families live intentionally and they're going to address those issues with truth and love. They're not waiting for connection to magically happen. They're planning for connection to happen in a healthy way.

We've got to be intentional about being the influencer in our family

I talked Just last, week about being an influencer. And that's so important because when we fail to influence our family, we want to cut them off from all of the negative influences. Yes, that's important. We don't want our kids to be influenced by some of the lyrics that are coming out and some of the popular songs and culture and media. But we have to replace that influence. We can't just take away that negative influence and then leave a vacuum and say, that's bad. Don't be, don't be, ah, influenced by that. We've got to be intentional about being the influencer in our family. And that just comes back to all of those, those rhythms that we've talked about, those daily disciplines. There's no life hack, there's no magic cure here. There's no, one day you're gonna wake up and you're just gonna be all of a sudden, in a different season, if your family's in a room rut, if you are in a rut, you've got to build an intentional plan for getting out of that. And you can do that by setting some intentional goals. What are the goals that you need to set? Make it realistic, make it practical. Don't wait for January to set NewSong Year's resolutions. Think what do you need to do? How do I need to stop reacting and start responding? How do I need to start making intentional decisions about how our family is spending our time, where our boundaries are? Those things are so important to do. And each family has a season, has uniqueness about it. And you can have goals and you can have intentionality for different seasons. And maybe for those young families, it's just about building those faith rhythms, Just praying at night, expressing gratitude. Maybe for school age kids, it's more about responsibility, it's character building. For teens, it's ownership of their faith. And, and for those at home without any children at home, it's about how are you serving each other? How are you sharing the legacy of, faith that you have? Do you have a family vision statement? And maybe that family vision statement changes. But what is your family vision? It really would help you to prioritize being intentional. Because if you think, should we invest our time in this? Is that contributing to our mission and vision of what we want to do? And, right now, in this season of life, now a lot of times we see January quickly approaching. People think about a word of the year. But I would encourage you to be intentional in thinking about a character trait of the year. What is the character that you want to Build what is the fruit that you want to have in your life? What is. What is something that you can share with everybody. I'm working on being more patient this year. I'm working on being kinder. I'm working on. On being more loving, whatever that may be. I'm working on whatever the character trait that is. That's a way that you can be intentional. And maybe you're creating a family bucket list ways to live out your faith together. Maybe you're having that eternal perspective of what you want your legacy to be. But you've got to live with eternal focus. Whatever you do think about being intentional and it's just about progress. It doesn't mean you have to change your life overnight. But where's one area in your life that you could be more intentional? It might be as simple as just not letting autoplay on your phone or your TV and letting the algorithm decide what you're going to watch. But you watch with intentionality. It may be picking One of the 52 habits that we have been walking through this year. Don't drift through another year. We're just now in October. Think about what you want your family vision and mission to be and just ask God to awaken you to wake, o sleeper, to wake up to being intentional about the way that you're living. Ask God to teach you to walk wisely, to make the most of your day, to redeem your time, to guard your attention, to live intentionally for his glory. And to live. Let your home be a reflection of heavenly priorities, letting your legacy be a faith that endures. This is a beautiful and powerful question. What are you doing to live intentionally? And living intentionally is so important. Whatever it is, write it down, tell somebody else about it, pray over it, and live it out on purpose with intention. So I encourage you take one step forward and living intentionally. And as you do, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. And I'll see you right back here on Monday. We'd like to thank our sponsors including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion. And every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies. Lives. Will you join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR

Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.