Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, preborn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello. And welcome to the Dr. Nursemama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome, welcome, welcome. Happy new Year. It is a great day today. We are halfway through the week. We are halfway through the first month of the year. Can you even believe it now if you're thinking, wow, I cannot believe we are almost halfway through the first month of the year, I'm here to make you feel better about that because, listen, do you might be wondering, I talk so much about Christmas before Christmas and how I love to put up Christmas stuff, and you may be wondering, does she have her Christmas tree down? no. In fact, I do not. I do not. I am struggling to get on board this year, and I know I have a lot to do, but I did linger and enjoy the holidays with my family, with my kids from college who were home, and, you know, some of those things can wait. And I know my husband is listening in, thinking, okay, but, but, but. Where's the. Where's the but? Honey, I promise I will take it down before the end of this month or next month. No, I will get it down this month. M. But January really is the month of fresh starts. It is a new beginning. 2026 is a fresh slate. And for a lot of families, it's also even already just these two weeks in. It's when all of our resolutions start to fall apart, when our good intentions go by side. We start with, okay, this is going to be the best year ever. We're going to have the planner, we're going to have the chore charts. We're going to do. We're going to go to the gym. We're going to not make a mess. And, by February, you're tired and you're frustrated and you're wondering what went wrong. But you know what today is.
Today is national organize your home day. So today we're going to talk about organizing our lives
Today is national organize your home day. And yes, if you're wondering, that means I have the delightful Kathi Lipp back. Now, last year, we started a series that I named the Declutter Diaries. This is something I really struggle with. I cannot even tell you what a cluttery person I am. I hold on to things. I'm overly sentimental. I'm busy. I don't make time that I need, you know, And I get decision fatigue, which I've learned now. And Kathi Lipp helped me and so many of you I know because I've heard from so many of you to declutter your homes. Clutter really takes space in our homes and our minds, in our hearts and in our relationships, and it even impacts us spiritually. So today, we're going to talk about organizing our lives in a way that actually supports our families. We're not talking about controlling them, overwhelming, whelming them, setting them up to fail. We don't need more rules. We need less decision fatigue. And I am telling you, that is what I need. We don't need to be perfect. We need to be peaceful and structure when it is done well. It's not restrictive. It is protective. So today we're going to reframe all of those organization tools. I know you're getting all the sales paper, the sales ads, bad. Your algorithm is feeding you how much you need a storage system for a problem that you don't even know you have yet. And we are going to start year two. I can't even believe that I need another year. But we're going to start year two with Kathi Lipp on Decluttering. If you want to join her declutter academy, go over to Facebook. They let all my listeners in for free. Okay. Tell all your friends. Just tell them. Send a little message. Say, hey, I listened on the Doctor Nurse Mama, and they'll let you into that Facebook group. Kathi, happy New Year, and I'm so delighted that you are back.
Kathi Lipp: Happy New Year, and thank you for having me back. I just. I enjoy talking with you so much. And your listeners are delightful, by the way. We've. We've probably had at least a thousand, maybe fifteen hundred. No. Join our group over the past year. Yeah. Because we typically get between, like, 75 to 150 each month. And. And, can I just say, they make everything better over there. It's been really lovely.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You can say it again. You can say it louder for the people in the back, for the people who are in their cluttered closets trying to clean out for January. You are our people. I love it. And I'm grateful that we can partner together to serve those listeners, because it really has helped me.
Jessica says she has learned three main lessons from decluttering
Kathi, I want to start by saying, these are the main lessons that I think I've learned from this last year where we had these declutter diaries. Yes. These are my main three lessons. Okay. I've learned three things, things that have really changed in my life. The first thing is to organize in short segments with small projects. That has been a fundamental shift for me because I used to. My kids would dread, you know, oh, this is the day we're going to clean out the fill in the blank. They're like, no, that means she's gonna blare worship music and do angry mopping and say, why do we have this? So I've learned to do short projects just to make it a short daily discipline. That's number one. Number two, I've learned I am resourceful and creative. I do not need to hold on to things that I don't need. Like, again, I told you, I don't need the jellyfish hat that I wore at youth camp seven years ago. I can let that go. It has had its season. And number three, I have learned that I can find such joy in blessing others. You know, I look back at my life, Kathi, and I've had a lot of different seasons, changing seasons where, you know, I've changed jobs, where you need different clothes for different jobs or different roles as a mom. And I think, well, there's nothing wrong with this. Like, I feel bad getting rid of it. But I found a ministry called Clothed by Faith. We have interviewed the director of that before, and they give clothes to school children and their moms, which is so fantastic. And I can't tell you how much joy it's given me to think of the things that I've given away with tags on them and think of someone who would be going to a clothing ministry. How hard that must be. You know, walking in and thinking, what are they going to get? And then they get something new with tags on it, something nice. that makes me happy. So those are my main three takeaways. And I just wanted to thank you for sharing your wisdom with me to change my life. And my husband thanks. You do.
Kathi Lipp: Oh, my. This is amazing to me because, you know, sometimes, the decluttering we do is. Isn't always 100% obvious. Yeah. When you're cleaning out your closet. Yeah. You see that bag going to the clothing ministry, which I love, by the way. I love that you're doing that. But it doesn't always make. Doesn't always have the impact we think it'll have right away. But this is what we're talking about here is the slow sustained decluttering. The doesn't just make our house, you know, have a before and after. Because don't we all love a before and after? But yeah, the really slow, sustained change is what's going to last. And when you are doing things on the regular, it says, you know, I don't want to bring a bunch of new stuff into my house that I don't actually need. I'm much freer. I'm much more hands open with my things. So if somebody needs something I have, I can be the first one to. To give it up. And I love that you've reclaimed your Saturdays and it's not so to my kids, eight hours to declutter. Well, also because we're just bad at making that many decisions over that period of time. And to be able to say, hey, I'm going to protect my piece and I'm going to do this a little bit at a time. And by the way, you know, people always say, I don't want you to come to my house, Kathi, because you're the declutter lady. My heart is still like, I, I love stuff. You know, I'm a maximalist, not a minimalist. But I also know that when it tips to the wrong side, that is impacting my piece. And that's so. I love that you did those three things. And I've written them down because it. Sometimes it can feel like we haven't made any progress. But I know you have, because not only have you mentioned it every month, but your husband has, too.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, he absolutely has. He will be. I think I told you last time, he pretend calls you. Oh, Kathi. Yeah. Didn't you say that Jessica needs to stop having five things come into the house? He loves it. But, you know, you, you hit on an important point, Kathi, because that decision fatigue is a major reframe for me. And sometimes I stop beating myself up about that because I think, okay, this is something I don't have the emotional bandwidth for. Let me give you an example. Actually, just this morning, okay, one of my teenage sons came to me with a big tub of stuff and said, this is for my room. I don't want it. You know, you, you take it and do what you want with it. And when I peeked open under the. What was in there? What was in that tub? It's like very sentimental stuffed animals like that he had when he was a baby and some. And so I just shut the lid back down and I just said, okay, I do not have the emotional bandwidth to make that decision today. So, sorry, honey. That will be a tub that's sitting in the, you know, in the hallway somewhere for just a day or two till I can get my emotions straight and decide what to do with that. But these are just the. The reframes. And I think that is really important for families right now in January, because we have a lot of people who are putting away their Christmas stuff, and they're, you know, they're having arguments, I'm gonna dare to say.
Kathi Lipp: Right.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I think there's husbands and wives having arguments over how messy the garage is. Do we really need all this Christmas stuff? I'm going to have to get it down again next year. Can't you clean out a closet? Put it somewhere else. There are these discussions going on, and people are feeling bad. People are feeling. Yeah. Beating themselves up. How can we reframe all of these good intentions into meaningful actions?
Kathi: Everybody wants to do a full on, reset in January
Kathi Lipp: Yeah. So we, you know, everybody wants to do this full on, reset in January. We want to change our lives. We want to stop eating the bad food. We want to start, you know, doing the, hard 30, you know, the workouts for 30 days in a row. And, you know, it's what we talked about before. That slow, sustained change is what is actually going to stick. And so I think it's, okay for families to have discussions around what do. How do we want to live in our home? How do we want to function in our home? Because if you never have the discussion, you're both coming with a family history that says this is how we deal with stuff in our home. And it may not always be the, the approach that is healthiest for your new family. And so I think there's a couple of thoughts, a couple of things we need to pay attention to in January. January feels hopeful. Hopeful and exhausting. Like it's this, crazy combination. And we're, We're. We've waited till after we've, you know, done the Christmas dishes and put them up in the attic, etc. Etc. And here's what I believe, that maybe your family doesn't need more rules. They need different rules and less decision fatigue. Exactly what you were talking about there. every item that comes into your house is a decision. And can I tell you something? I have been really, like, examining my own heart, Jessica, is this. I. I get a dopamine hit from buying broccoli.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Like, just did not expect that.
Kathi Lipp: Buying. Buying something. You know, I get probably a bigger head from this gorgeous sweater I just bought Recently, and I knew I wanted it. And it was. I, I calculated the purchase. I talked to Roger doctor about it. But being able to put something in my cart, whether it's, an E cart or a regular cart, there's just something that says, this is going to change my life. I'm going to have this broccoli. so that what that broccoli represents to me is I'm going to be eating healthy. Or even if I put Oreos in my car, that represents I'm going to share a treat with somebody I love. Like, we have these, lives that are attached to these things, and it gives us this dopamine hit that's says, I am going to change my life. And so what I've really had to do is dial back and say, instead of making more decisions, I need to be making less decisions in this 2026. So one of the things that I'm doing is I'm saying, Here are the 15 meals that I, we eat that I prep for dinner. I'm not going to be buying exotic ingredients. I'm just going to keep it simple until I get tired of some of those. And then I'm going to swap, them for other meals that we would like. I'm, I'm making less decisions. I am, I, I've already gotten rid of a bunch of my clothes. I'm getting rid of more because the having a fuller closet for some reason makes me feel like I have less to wear because it's such a decision to go in there and put together outfits. Whereas, let's honest, we only wear the same. Yes, exactly. Right. The same five pairs of pants and ten tops over and over and over again. And guys, we, we are creatures of habit. We are doing the same things over and over and over again.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yep. You know, Kathi, I got a dress once that I love so much. My kids started calling it my uniform. They're like, is this your new uniform? Are you just wearing the same. I'm like, yes, because it's easy. I don't have to think. And then why do I need all of that other stuff? Listen, we've got a lot more to talk about. Thinking of January, about resetting your home. And I'm really excited because it's national organize your home day. And the good news is you don't have to do it today. You can just decide that you want to start it this year. And when we come back, I want to talk to Kathi about this cost of aspiration and thinking of what we want to be what we imagine ourselves to be rather than what we really are and how that impacts clutter in our homes.
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I Believe by Phil Wickham: I, believe there is one salvation, one doorway that leads to life one redemption, one confession. I believe in the name of Jesus Christ. I believe in the crucifixion. By his blood I been set free. I believe in the resurrection. Hallelujah. His life is death's defeat All praise to God the Father. All praise to Christ the Son. All praise to the Holy Spirit. Our God has overcome the king who was and is and ever more will be in Jesus mighty name. I believe.
We're starting year two of the Declutter Diaries
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is I believe by Phil Wickham And listen, I believe that this can be the year that you finally declutter your house. We are starting year two. I cannot even believe that but we're starting year two of the Declutter Diaries. This has been a really well received popular series by you our listeners. So yep, I'm on with Kathi Lipp today. If that gives you a sudden urge to clean out your junk drawer the kitchen, go for it. Do it. Do that. Decluttering in small segments. Relieve yourself of decision fatigue. These are all things that I've learned from Kathi Lipp over this last year. Organize in short segments, do small projects. Know that I'm resourceful and creative. I don't need to stockpile things. I can get a hold of something if I need it. I have friends who will help me or other resources. I can bless others by giving away things that are still useful but are not useful for me in this season. I don't need to keep things to validate a memory. I know that that memory is in my heart and I don't need an object validated These are things that I've learned. I know that you all listening have learned things as well. And, today is national organize your home day and many of you probably are really looking longingly. I'm gonna go out on a limb, Kathi. I think there are some people listening who already have organization things in their cart. And maybe you're trying to put up m your spouse to say, okay, let's go ahead and buy it. Let's do this. Like we have women who are dreaming their husbands are going to make them that viral. You know, tub holder out in the garage for all of the seasonal decorations, all of those things. But the truth is most routines fail because we make them too complicated and we make them for an ideal life and not our real one. And I want to tell you one last thing, Kathi, and then I'm going to have you teach us some more because I know that I do this. I mean, my husband has told me before when I'm trying to keep a perfect house. He's like, you do realize that real people live here, right? Like we actually live here.
Kathi Lipp: Yes.
Dr. Jessica Peck: And we can't make it look like it doesn't. And there's some things that, you know, I think, oh, I don't want to get rid of and you know, maybe especially like a clothing piece. But not too long ago, I ran out into a friend in public and oh, she, she just looked amazing. She was dressed to the nine. She had a designer bag. I'm not hating on that at all. But I was not. I was wearing my husband's college sweatshirt and like this old quilted bag that my granny gave me from Walmart, you know, And I thought, like, okay, I don't need to hold onto that stuff because that's not really who I am. You know, I've got to go for what's really going to work for our families. So how can families stop confusing aspiration, aspirational organization with what they actually have capacity for?
Kathi Lipp: Yeah, you know, several years ago I co wrote a book called Overwhelmed with my friend Shari Gregory. And we use the illustration of a plate, that I, I feel like I have a pretty typical to maybe a little bit more capacity than the average bear. And so my plate is like a dinner plate, right? And my. One of my friends, Tenille, I always say she's the turkey platter person in my life. Like, her capacity is absolutely huge. She, she's always willing help somebody. She runs several businesses. It's just amazing. Shari Gregory, she says, for a long time she said And I'm the salad plate. You know, she. She gets overwhelmed pretty well. And then she finally decided, no, I'm a dessert plate because I only pick the best things to put on my plate. Right. And so we have to understand what the capacity is. I've got a friend who lives in the Austin area whose son is on, I don't. It's not a team. He's in high school, but it's a traveling team that they get flown to other states. And that takes a lot of your capacity away from you. I have never been in a situation like that. But, I. As you know, Jessica, I've got, long Covid. And so my capacity is at the smallest it's been in my entire life. And we have to get realistic about our capacity because, a routine that only works when everything is working doesn't work. It just doesn't. You know, we can't always be at a hundred percent. And when you're saying, okay, so every day as a family, we're going to get together and we're going to have this family meeting and we're all going to spend a half an hour decluttering a space, like, right. It sounds ridiculous, but we have come to our families with things like that because we've been desperate. And so when you are. You're concerned about capacity, one of the things you have to do is you have to really, right, size your output. How much time am I really going to spend? And if you can spend 15 minutes and maybe you can get, the rest of your family to do 15 minutes, or maybe that's just on the weekends, you have to decide what your family has capacity for. You can start to shrink some of that clutter in your life. But we also have to really look at our input. What are we bringing into our homes? What are we really, committing to our calendars? And so to be able to say, you know what, we are living on the tattered edge right now, and if we add one more thing, it's all going to topple over. So really looking at that capacity and then saying what systems could actually work with this, because we can have the best goals in our. In the world. You can have perfect goals, but if you have an imperson, perfect system, you're going to fall to that imperfect system. So let's find some systems that match our lives.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Kathi, this really impacts families because I think it's often moms who are trying to, you know, it's to create this plan for organization. And dads do too, for sure. But I often see moms doing this, and I know I have done this as a mom. And you're so well intentioned. You really want to serve your family. You know, you really want it to work for you.
Jessica: When your system isn't working, it affects your relationships
And then when it doesn't, I mean, I have found myself, like, all of a sudden you're griping at your kids, you're griping at your spouse, you're saying, like, why can't we get this together? This is driving me crazy. And you just start to really lose your mind. And that's where it impacts your relationships. And then your kids are tiptoeing around like, mom's mad. It's a terrible feeling. Kathi, what, what can we do when we recognize the system's not working? What do you do to fix that?
Kathi Lipp: my guess is you're comparing your life to somebody who has a larger capacity than you do. Oh.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, you just. Right there, that hurt. That's true.
Kathi Lipp: But also, I. But Jessica, I think there's freedom in that, right? I think there's some freedom in that to say, you know what? We're not the family that can cook from scratch every single night of the week. Or maybe we do cook from scratch, but you're going to be eating vegetable soup three nights a week, or chili or whatever it is, you know, that kind of thing, where we are not the family that, can have a perfectly maintained, maintained house, but we're the family who can function within our house and then have a lot of fun, like understanding who you are as a family. And it's okay to be a little aspirational and say, hey, here's some tweaks I'd like to try because, man, mornings are making me crazy. And I, I don't think we, you know, I don't think any of us, like, when I'm frustrated, and I know that like to be rushed. So where's, where's the middle point there? What can we do? Can we do things the night before so that you're not feeling rushed in the morning? But also, I'm not late for work because that's not okay either. And so to say, hey, we're going to make some tweaks, but we're not going to change everything at once. We're going to try some things and we're going to say, hey, did this work for our family or not? And then we adjust from there.
Dr. Jessica Peck: There, you know, that is such an important lesson. And I'm thinking of two things as you're talking. One is, I remember when My kids were young and they went over to one of my friend's houses who I had four kids and she had one kid. And she started sending me pictures, texting me pictures, saying, this is how I know your kids are here. And it was pictures of piles of shoes and cups that were all over the counter. And at first, honestly, Kathi, I kind of got offended. I was like, what is she saying? My kids are messy. And then I realized, no, these are just signs of life. And so she has, more capacity than I do because just the more people you have to take care of, the more capacity that takes from you. And I thought, okay, so I've just got to do things differently. You know, I gotta put away four pairs of shoes, not one. And another thing that I thought about when you were saying, that is one of the issues of capacity. This used to be a real pain point for me when I was taking my kids to school and, you know, inevitably somebody would forget something. So, Kathi, I just started. I made an emergency kit for my car. This is something that absolutely saved my life. I thought, okay, we may not, you know, be able to, like, do the whole, like, check the chart, like, do the stickers right where you leave the door and all of that. But I can have a disposable toothbrush. I can have a, granola bar that I can give you if you didn't eat breakfast. I can have extra pencils. I can have an extra calculator. I just had, you know, those things, things that they needed that, you know, they may have forgotten. And I just put it right there. Like, okay, here it is. Here is what you need. Here's an extra belt. I had a belt, you know, because they had to have the, you know, the uniform standards or whatever it was. But I think that is a huge point you're making, is make it work for your life and not have these rigid schedules and rhythms, but have.
What is the difference between a schedule and a rhythm?
And let's talk about that. Actually. What is the difference between a schedule and a rhythm? I think this will be a really helpful reframe for people.
Kathi Lipp: So a schedule is. We do these things at this time every day or every week, something like that. And some things in our lives need to be scheduled. They really do. You know, I, I spend a lot of time putting things onto our schedule, meetings we have and things like that. But a rhythm is more sequence based. So. So when I'm cleaning my kitchen, I don't have a schedule of what I do, but I just have a rhythm that has been developed. You know, I, I start at the sink, and I spray things with the Dawn Power cleaner. Because isn't that the best thing that has ever been invented? It's the best. I love it. And then I'm going along my counter and I'm putting things into the refrigerator and I'm throwing things away. And then I go over to the counter coffee bar, and I'm setting up coffee for the next morning. Then I'm going to the kitchen table. Like, there is a whole sequence of things I do, and I don't need a schedule to be reminded. I just need that sequence. And it's very location sensitive. You know, I just go around the room and so let me give some examples. Like, a morning routine. You're not necessarily saying, okay, you're getting up, up. Yeah, I'm sure the starting bell starts the time, every single time. But you, you wake up, you go to the bathroom, you go downstairs to do breakfast, and then you're going to do backpacks. Like, that is the sequence of things. an evening rhythm. You know, you're going to do dinner, and then you're going to reset the kitchen. You're going to prep for tomorrow, and then you're going to go rest and relax. And so you can say to your family, hey, after dinner, dinner, we reset the kitchen. We get our backpacks ready for tomorrow, and then we get to watch tv or we're gonna read some books, or we're gonna play a game, whatever it is. But it's. It's not so much check marks as it's saying, hey, we're all in this together, and this is the rhythm of our home.
Reframe chores from punishment to participation where everyone belongs
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, that's one thing that you said that really stuck with me. Is that it? Because this can be a fight for families about chores. And that may be your kids doing chores or maybe even spouses, you know, splitting chores between themselves. But thinking of this as not thinking of it as a punishment or something you have to do, but instead of punishment, thinking of it and reframing it to participation where everyone's contributing because everyone belongs. How can we reframe that? Because chores are what's going to decrease clutter. If everyone's regularly participating, that's going to help.
Kathi Lipp: Yeah, I think having a set of chores that each kid does that they become proficient at, you know, so maybe they're doing them for three months, so. And really making sure that the chores are level appropriate. You know, how old is this person? What can they actually accomplish? and also, let's be honest, I had some kids that were A little bit more meticulous than other kids. And, and if I wanted. Right, right. So if I wanted to survive, it was important. I, I knew that when my son did the dishes, there needed to be a little bit more quality control there. And so, and that's okay. but to be able to say, some practical guidelines are, hey, we all get to move on to the next thing once everything's done. So, so you know it. If one person is behind, maybe they have something going on or maybe they're having a bad day and can we come along and help? Now, we don't want to develop a crutch for that person, but to be able to say, hey, we're all in this together. So I think fewer chores done more consistently. If, if you, if your child has more than three chores, it might, might be worth taking a look at that and then really making sure it matches who they are. not to coddle them, but to say, hey, we're gonna. And training is so important. None of us are born knowing how to do this. And so it's important that we spend some time really training and saying, here are some secrets I've learned to make it easier. Or, you know, this is the one thing you really need to pay attention to detail.
Dr. Jessica Peck: And you shared some really helpful language shifts. Because when our kids or our spouses, if we're being honest, don't do their chores, we often say, why didn't you do the dishes? Why didn't you unload the dishwasher? Didn't you see it was there? And you have suggested reframing it, saying, in our family, this happens after that. So in our family, we'll. We clean up after dinner, we watch TV when all of the dishes are put away or whatever it is that sequence reframing is really helpful because asking rhetorical questions is only going to start a fight. Usually you're just going to get a rolled eye, a shot, a sigh. I'm going to do it. I'm going to get it done. Listen, when we come back, we'll talk about the family calendar and talk about, restructuring with purpose. We'll be right back with Kathi Lipp
American Family Association has many facets that make up the whole
If you're new to the American Family association or if you've been with us for a while, it's easy to focus on the American family part of our name and completely forget about the association part. AFA is more like a diamond with many facets that make up the whole. If you didn't know, this is our broadcast division, American Family Radio. We also have A national Christian news service, American Family News. And then there's our governmental affairs affiliate, AFA Action. But that's still not all. We've got a video streaming service, AFA stream. One Million Moms Defends Our Kids against exploitation in entertainment media. If you enjoy faith based blogs, you'll love the stand. And if you want to find great resources and gifts, there's the AFA Resource Center. After all that, there's still more, so stop by afa.net/connect and stay connected to help you and your family stay informed, equipped and ready to take action. afa.net/connect wandering into the night Wanting.
I Thank God by Housefires, JWLKRS Worship, and Ryan Ellis : A place to hide this weary soul this bag of bones. And I try with all my might But I just can't win the fight I'm slowly drifting A vagabond and just when I ran out of road I met a man I didn't know and he told me that I was not alone oh, he picked me up He turned me around He placed my feet on solid ground I thank the master I thank the savior because he healed my heart and changed my name Forever free I am not the same I thank the master I thank the savior.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I thank God welcome back, friends. That is, I thank God by house fires. And you know what? I thank God for you. I really truly do. I am so thankful for those of you who listen and especially those of you who listen in every day. Thank you so much for joining us.
Today is national organize your house day
We are on our first episode of 2026 of the Declutter Diaries. This is a series I did last year with Kathi Lipp. And my listeners said, please continue to help us. And I said, oh, please, I will continue to help myself as well. And if you want to join Kathi Lipp's Clutter Academy on Facebook, she'll let you in for free. Okay? For free. Tell all your friends she's going to let you in. Just send a message, find her on Facebook. Kathi Lipp's Clutter free Academy. And you can learn all the things. And today is national organize your house day. Now, that does not mean you should, you know, drop everything and you're going to do a spring cleaning. Head to toe, we've learned a lot of different things, about why we have clutter and how we can do better about it. And in January, a lot of families start out with really good intentions.
Kathi: Family calendar is an underestimated tool for peace
Kathi, I think one of the most important things that you've said today on the show that is a real takeaway for me, is that if your system's not working for you, it doesn't mean you failed. It Means the system is failing you, and you're probably comparing yourself to something else, someone else that you have seen. Some aspirational family, some aspirational social media, some influencer family who's paid to have all that content and probably still lives all messy behind the camera. Let's be honest, those things are really important. And one of the things, Kathi, that people are looking at right now is their calendar. And you call this a peacemaker system. So why? How in the world. Because I look at the calendar and I think that's is that means stress for me. How is it an underestimated tool for peace? This sounds pretty radical.
Kathi Lipp: So there is something that I learned from Roger, my, husband. Ah. About when he's working with a team and there's a document called the Single Source of Truth. So if it's true and it's been agreed upon, it goes onto this document. Our family calendar is the single source of truth. So if there is something going on at school, if mom's, going to be away on a business trip, putting that on the Single Source of Truth, that family calendar is critical. But it's not enough to just put it on the calendar. It has to be referred to as, well, Jessica, I don't know about you, but I'm going to guess because you are one of my cluttery soul sisters.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes.
Kathi Lipp: that, we make great plans sometimes that stay locked on our laptop. That guilty we are not. Right. And so I really think that us cluttery people. And I'm just going to say women. Can we just say women? Because I think that's mostly who is listening. And, But are the. The expectations for us have gone up astronomically. My mom always says, I don't know how you do it. And I look at my daughter, I'm like, I don't know how you do it. Like, you know, the. The expectations have gone up astronomically and all the things that we need to manage. And so we need to have those calendars in a very visible place. And I resisted a paper calendar for years and years and years. And I finally said, okay, we all have to agree to use it. And by the way, if you don't put something on here, I'm not going to feel bad if something doesn't happen. And that includes school projects. That includes getting you to practice. And if you need help, you know, sometimes our kids need to be able to say, hey, this is what my coach says is when our practices are. And if they bring home the piece of paper. Paper. I will be happy to put it on the calendar. But we, we need to have a place where everything that is on there is, is, it's, it's our landing spot. It's what we know is the truth. And if, if digital works for you, that's great. I have to do kind of a combination between work in real life, but the visibility is so important. And some people will say, well, it's not really important for my kids to know what's going on. But I, kids benefit so much from knowing what's coming up. From knowing, hey, tomorrow night your sister has soccer and I know you have a report due, so I know you love to come to soccer, but you're going to need to stay home with dad and work on that report while I take sissy to stalker soccer. It gives talking points to say, hey, we're not trying to cram ten pounds into a five pound bag because it's not going to work.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That is really helpful. And another tip that you have about the calendar. And I did say, by the way, Kathi, I, I said this sounds radical. And it does because you're talking about accountability here. Like, oh my goodness, what will happen if they go to school with no lunch or they don't have the supplies that they need. And sometimes I do think we are way too quick to rescue our kids and we take that, stress on ourselves and then we're just teaching our kids that, hey, yeah, if you're in a pinch, I'll do it. And I think sometimes it's okay to let the consequences fall. Like you've got to assess and use your wisdom as a parent. But sometimes it's okay that they can go to school without lunch. They, they won't forget that. But one of the other. Oh, yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Kathi Lipp: I was going to say there's a big difference between a five year old, learning those, yeah, we're going to do, we're going to lower the stakes way, way, way down. But, at 16, I'm not running to high school to bring you lunch unless there's a medical reason I need to. And by the way, you should have a few dollars that you've earned either from a job or from chores or you've saved up for those emergencies because I cannot always. And we're scaling up to letting our kids be, you know, survive on their own because we can't just do it when they turn 18 and go to college. That's not the time. Have a, crash course and responsibility.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, it is so true. My Kids learned to make their lunch from an early age because I thought, you know, that was something they could learn how to do. And, and, you know, occasionally you have to. Again, you got, like you said, you got to use your parent, parental judgment. But, you know, sometimes it would just be, oh, that's so great. I'm so glad you forgot your lunch. You have an opportunity to fast today. Just use that extra time to pray, which is great. But one other tip that you have that I really liked, Kathi, was naming the week and using language for that. And if you have a visual calendar that people can see, saying, this is a busy week, this is a push week, or this is a recovery week, this is a rest week. And giving your family that expectation. One of the suggestions that you have is having a weekly family meeting. I definitely do this with my family, and that changes a lot depending on who's here and who's not, because I have kids coming and going all over the place. But we do have a check in what's on everybody's week. What do we need to be there for? What can we anticipate? What, we're, when are we going to be out? When are we going to be in? Where do we need to flex and give? That's really important. And you said, when everyone knows what to expect, everyone behaves better, including the adults. And I think that's true.
Kathi Lipp: Right. And I think it's also so helpful because you can see things added to it until you sit down and maybe explain it to somebody else. You don't realize, oh, you know, what we're going to be doing dinner at, the football field. And so, you know, I'm going to prep that in the morning because there's. Until you see how many things are on there and how close they are together. Because I, we've signed up for, you know, having. Managing so many different schedules, it can become overwhelming. I'm not saying this just to teach your kids lesson, but also I want to lower your stress. It's really important to me that you're not, not caught off guard by what's going on in your family so that you, you can have that structure which equals peace.
Dr. Jessica Peck: And, well, that's what I want of that is chaos, Kathi. And right. Where a lot of families are living. You, I think you said, you know, like, we're living on the ragged edge where, where we have no margin and it's just chaos. And when I'm trying to manage, you know, too much and you can't find the sports equipment, you can't find your work bag or your badge or whatever it is that you're running around trying to find in the morning or in the night before you go to bed. That chaos really consumes emotional energy that is emotionally expensive, that is costing somebody something. Sometimes it's just you, Sometimes it's other people in your family. It's your marriage, it's your extended family, it's your kids. How do we use peace, and pursue peace to create margin in our lives from clutter?
Kathi Lipp: Yeah. So I think that this is. I think peace starts often times in our homes with a partnership to say, here are the things that are stressful to me as, as the wife, I want to hear what is stressful to you as your aspect as a, ah, husband. and then paying attention to our kids sometime. You know, there are some real things that will trigger our kids. But to. I think one of the things that is going to lower the chaos in your home almost immediately is to have less things in your home. It's too many decisions. I. Last night I washed my dog's toys, and, then I put them all in the basket, and I'm like, I wonder if she has too many toys. It feels like a lot. I've never seen a dog overwhelmed by toys, but she couldn't figure out what to play with, so she just pulled them all out of the basket. And I'm like, well, that's not what we want. But you know what? Aren't we the same? When we have too many choices, our hearts cannot settle. And so to really limit the choices, not in a punishing way, but to say, say, you know what? These 15 meals bring my family joy. These 10 outfits bring me joy. these. These, 10 games bring our family joy. To be able to limit and get rid of the nonsense. You could have tried something and it worked for a while, but maybe your kids are beyond Hungry Hungry Hippos or, you know, whatever the extra game is to really curate your life. Life. So that you say, I'm setting my heart on peace. Too many choices cause confusion and chaos. And God wants my heart to settle on peace. And that's what I want too. So I am going to curate my life.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I'm thinking some of us are. Are really at the toddler level developmentally, when it comes to clutter. And I think about, you know, when my kids were toddlers. You give them two choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? You know, do you want to wear the, you know, this or that if you lay out 10 things and ask them to pick one, they just melt down and decompensate. And that's what I recognize I'm doing now. You have a three step reset that people can have. And if they want to start today, they're thinking, okay, you know what? It is January. I want to get on board. I don't want to create a system that fails. I don't want to, you know, commit to something that's not going to work for me. What's a three step step reset that I can start working towards this? January on national organize your home day.
Kathi Lipp: I love that. okay, so one, we're going to pick a pain point. It could be your mornings, your dinner, your bedtime, or it could be just getting dressed in the morning or one of my kids. It could be as simple as that. And create a tiny rhythm. You're going to do, you know, two, three, no more than four steps. So I'm going to unload the dishwasher, I'm going to reheat my coffee, I'm going to put in breakfast, and I'm going to get my shower going. That is your tiny rhythm. Practice it for one week, you and just see what works, what doesn't work. And then in a week, try tweaking it. If it feels uncomfortable, it's probably okay. You're just getting used to a new rhythm. It's like when you're dancing and you try to change up the rhythm. Rhythm that can be hard at first, but you can make it work.
Pick a pain point, create a tiny rhythm and practice it for one full week
We're going to be practicing this over in the Facebook group. Kathi Lipp's Clutter Free Academy. Just go search for that on Facebook. You can join for free. But we're going to practice all of this together next week. So I encourage you to come over and hang out with us.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So that three step reset. Pick a pain point, create a tiny rhythm and practice it for one full week. And these are the small steps for friends that change your lives. There is no magic organization system that you're going to order from those social media ads that keep coming your way or the sales ad. There is no magic system. There is no way that one day you're just going to wake up and magically it's going to work for you. It's these little small steps. And when you talk about picking a pain point, Kathi, it's already a pain point. So if it's painful to change it, you're just choosing your pain. One is continuing to stay in it.
Kathi Lipp: Oh, so good.
Dr. Jessica Peck: And one is taking that pain in a positive direction. And that's what we're here to help you do. So once a month, we'll be hosting Kathi here and we'll have more episodes of the Declutter Diaries. We'll be talking about all kinds of things. But if this is something that really speaks to you, go over to Kathi Lipp's Declutter Academy. You can find it on Facebook and tell her that you're my friend. She'll let you in in. And I also encourage you to listen in. On Fridays, we'll talk about 52 Habits for Healthy families. These are all these little rhythms, these tiny rhythms Kathi is talking about. We will set you up for success in those rhythms. And so, Kathi, thank you again for joining us. I know. I'm grateful. I know my husband is jumping for joy that I'm learning more about decluttering and and listen wherever you are, friend, on this national Organize youe Home day in your declutter journey. If you're a decluttering master, if you're just starting out in your journey, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and lift his countenance towards you and give you peace. I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
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Jeff Chamblee: Opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
