Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello

 : and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And today we are going to talk about an issue that is relevant to all of us. We're going to talk about being a mother.

We live in a culture today that celebrates busyness and holds perfection as the standard

Now, if you're not a mother, you have a mother. And mothering is such a beautiful journey that is given by God. And we live in a culture today, though, that celebrates busyness and holds perfection as the standard. And this version of motherhood that is curated for social media. And many women are quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, struggling under the weight of unrealistic expectations. I know. I feel this. I know the moms in my friend circle feel this. I know moms in my clinical circle feel this. Social media paints this polished picture of how everything should be, that we should be making lunch in bento boxes. Some of you are thinking, what is a bento box? Like basically making lunch into art. And we should have a perfectly organized home that is Pinterest ready and our car should be really clean and everybody should be well organized and even the dog well behaved. But behind closed doors, countless moms are asking, am I really doing this right? Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Does anyone else feel this way? Am I safe to share my feelings? Motherhood is one of God's most sacred callings, but it is also one of the most stretching, refining and humbling journeys a woman will walk. I've done a lot of things professionally in my life, but I will tell you, nothing has been as challenging for me and as rewarding as being a mom. And today's conversation is really an invitation for families to step into something different, choosing grace over perfection, choosing presence over pressure, and choosing truth over comparison. Because when moms are spiritually nourished and emotionally supported, it strengthens the entire family.

Andrea Fortenberry talks about her new book Two- Minute Timeouts For New Moms

And our guest today to talk about this is Andrea Fortenberry. She's an author, a speaker, a podcast host of the Perfectionist Guide to Mothering. She's a trusted, faith filled voice for moms navigating both the beauty and the mess of motherhood. She serves as a leadership development manager with MomCo. And she brings a unique blend of, biblical truth, practical encouragement and heartfelt honesty to everything she does. Her new book, Two Minute Timeouts for New Moms. 100 Devotions for Weary and Wonderful Days. These. This offers short, powerful moments of encouragement that is designed for the real life rhythm of m. Motherhood. And these small pockets of time are between diapers and meals and meltdowns. We're so glad to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Andrea Fortenberry: Thank you so much, Dr. Jessica. I am so excited to be here.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I am so excited to speak with you. Okay, now tell me, is it, is it Andrea or Andrea? Let me get that straight. Okay, I thought so I said that and you, you heard me question myself and I thought, okay, there's nothing worse than, than, you know, saying your name the wrong way. So I want to make sure that, see, here we are in the real life messiness, just making sure I get that right. Andrea. Okay. And Jessica, we're just gonna have a chat between friends and let people. Because I'm having these conversations every single day with my friends. You, you know, my kids are older, we're almost out the door here, and you know, I'm in that launching season. But it's remarkable to me how these conversations are remarkably unchanged from when my kids were newborn and when we, when we even first learned that we're going to have a baby. Our mothering journey begins with these expectations. And let me tell you, you get a reality check really, really quick. So let's talk a little bit about that tension between what you imagine motherhood to be and what the actual experience is and how faith reshapes that gap. Because I think there's a balance here. There's some who have gone too far the other way. And it's like, oh, motherhood. And you talk too negatively about it, but you also don't want to make it seem so perfect. What was your experience like? Because obviously you had an experience that led you to share this message with us.

Andrea Fortenberry: Yes. So I had always dreamed of being a mom. I think that's common for many of us as women when we were little girls with our baby dolls. And so we have this wiring in us, I think many of us that were designed to be moms. And so I had that longing and I find out I'm pregnant. I'm so excited. We didn't find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We waited to be surprised. So that was so fun. And it's funny because everybody would say to me, aren't you a planner? Don't you want to plan the nursery and all those things? And I would say, I'm a super planner because I'm planning for future kids and we're just going to reuse all the same things and save some money. And so we went with just a classic Winnie the Pooh theme. And so I had everything set up and I had all of these visions of what I would be like as a mom and what my children would be like. And then when my daughter was born, it was, you know, surprise. It's a girl. Wonderful. So exciting. We brought her home and she just cried incessantly. And it was colic. It was. She had gastric reflux. And I just remember being so tired. Your body has been through so much having a baby. And I was just like, wow, this is not what I expected. The sleep deprivation, all of that. And I think I just didn't realize how hard it would be in so many aspects. The physical aspect, the mental, the questioning of like, I don't know what I'm doing, like, God made me a mom. And now I don't know what to do to get her to stop crying or how do I. Then as she got older, I was very surprised that my daughter had a strong will and I was a very calm, compliant child. And so in my mind I put these expectations on her that she would be just like me. But I like to joke that I didn't consider my husband's genetics and personality in the equation because at that time she was a little, a little more like my husband. Husband. And so it was just cacophony, of expectations that, that weren't met. That surprises I had of. Yeah, when she would throw herself on the floor, I would think, what is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong that she's doing that? And now I can kind of look back and giggle because that is totally normal. Typical behavior for a toddler or two or three year old. Right. But I was expecting that I could do all the right things, have systems and schedules and nap times and all of these things that would create predictable outcomes for my day for my children. And I didn't factor in just all the variables of life, of being a mom, of the fact that your kiddos have their own will and that sometimes that clashes with your will or they don't understand that we need to get out the door at a certain time. And so they don't want to put their shoes on. Right. Just all those things, big things, little things that really just surprised me. And I feel like I had to, have, God help me work out some of those things, understanding why I wanted to control everything and why I wanted to have these perfectly, you know, organized systems and things. And it was a lot of heart work for me to kind of uncover some of why I was wanting that and why I did the things I did.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Heart work is a good word for it. You know, you and I have so much in common in the start of our mothering experiences. Andrea I had so much shame when I first had a baby because I had all these expectations. And not only that, I was a pediatric nurse practitioner at the time. I mean, I took care of people's kids for a living and my baby had colic and it was very difficult. I had a lot of health issues and complications and family dynamics that were very challenging to navigate. And I remember in the middle of those colic days when my daughter was old enough that we could, I finally had the courage to venture out. Of course, as soon as we get to this little shower that we had gone to, she starts crying and crying, crying. And a very well meaning relative looks at me and says, what's wrong with her? And I just. Something broke inside of me in that moment because I thought, I don't know and I'm her mom and it's my job to know. So clearly she's six weeks old and I'm already failing at this. And I felt like I couldn't talk to anybody about it because I felt the weight of my profession. I felt the weight of, you know, here I'm the oldest of five kids. I grew up babysitting. Like I'm supposed to know what to do with babies. But I think there's a lot of shame and secrecy and especially now in today's day and age where as you're even feeding your baby, you're scrolling through social media and seeing everybody's else per everybody else's perfect moments that are presented towards you. And it just kind of silently piles on this insecurity. And then you add on. We don't have that instant gratification because it's not like, you know, you're in those newborn days and your baby can talk yet and say, oh, mom, thank, thanks so much for getting up four times last night and Feeding me and going without sleep. You're doing great. Like, they just still cry and they don't even smile yet. You know, this is so hard. How do we start to have the courage to talk about some of those struggles, but really talk about them in a healthy way?

I think it's important to be honest about mothering struggles. I think there's so much value for moms in community

Andrea Fortenberry: That's so good. I think there's so much value for moms in community and to start sharing and sharing. Honestly, I remember I was part of this. This little mom group of three or four women, and one day one of them mentioned our daughter were toddlers at the time, saying that she yelled at her daughter for something and then she, like, went on with her story. But when she shared that, I just felt this sigh of relief because I thought, wow, I'm not the only mom who sometimes yells at her kids. And like you said, I felt like I was carrying the shame of feeling frustrated or angry sometimes or again, yelling or things like that. And it was just such a relief. And so I think it's so important to be real and honest with others and then for those of us who maybe are far ahead, to be honest with moms who are coming behind us. Because I think, again, in our world that loves social media and Pinterest and all those things, we just like to show the pretty parts of life and we don't share some of those struggles, but I think we go through struggles to share and encourage someone else coming behind us. So I think it's important even again, in little comments that we make, just sharing, you know what, motherhood is hard or my physical recovery took a long time. I remember one of my friends said after having her baby, like, no one told me I would feel like I got ran over by a truck, right? Like, just. There's certain things that we just don't talk about. But I think it's really important that we do because it normalizes those things. And when you think about it as moms, even if we're new moms to, you know, our second or third child, we're new moms all over again. Like, every season and stage is different because our child or the next child, child is different and we don't know what we're doing. And I think that's okay because God helps us to figure it out along the way. I like to say that motherhood is on the job, training.

Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a really good way to put it, too. And, you know, when I think about this perfection that we live in the. In the light of perfection here because we see social media, curated roles, pictures and images of what it's supposed to be like. And the truth is that a lot of us bring our own family trauma into that relationship. You know, you may not have a good relationship with your mother. Your mother may be gone for whatever reason, maybe she's passed away. And you don't have that healthy. For whatever reason, you don't have that healthy mothering dynamic to coach you, to encourage you, to give you hope. You know, that, hey, this will get better. You know, these, these really physically grueling days of newborn stage and toddler, like, they get better, but then, you know, like you said, you're onto a new stage. How do we really push that pressure of perfection that seems to constantly pursue us?

Andrea Fortenberry: I think it's important to remember that perfection really isn't possible. Right? Like, even the people, the influencers, the people we follow, like, we're just seeing this little snippet. And it probably took them two hours to curate and create this beautiful reel or photo set that we see online. But really, we don't know what happened behind the closed doors. And actually, I can think of one time taking family pictures when my kids were like three in one and it was a nightmare to get them, ready. My son, who was one, he was afraid of the photographer, so he was crying. My husband came home stressed from work and, like, entered this scene of chaos. And we're all supposed to smile and look like we love each other and be really cozy, and we managed to get a great picture. But when you see it, you would never know all the chaos that happened behind it. So I think it's just important to remember that even for those who make life look easy, who they look like, it's perfect and they have unlimited money, time, resources to just remember we're all on level playing field because we're all human. We all have 24 hours in the day, and we all have stuff. Even if we try to present that, we don't. So we just don't know what goes on behind closed doors for people or what people are really feeling, even though they might be telling us otherwise.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I feel that so much. I remember one family picture, you know, trying to get four children ready. And I spent a long time picking out what everybody was going to wear and had these visions. And then when, my son was going to sit down in the picture, his. The pant legs came up and he had mismatched socks on that were like superhero socks. And I remember thinking, you know what? This is real life. Like, take the picture because, because this is so accurately reflective of where I am in time like most things are. Okay, a little bit of chaos. We'll be right back with Andrea Fortenberry right after this break.

An ultrasound provided by Preborn helped Candace hear her baby's heartbeat

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I Could Sing of Your Love Forever by Sonicflood: I could sing of your love forever I could sing of your love forever I could sing of your love forever I could sing of your love forever Dr. Jessica Peck welcome back, friends. That is I could sing of your love forever by Sonic Flood. And some of you feel like this stage of life is a kind of forever stage of life. It can feel that way when you're a mom, especially in those newborn days. If you are in the trenches of toddlerhood, if you are in those busy chauffeur days of school age children, or if you are really tangling with teenagers, it doesn't matter what stage of parenting you're in. Motherhood is a sacred calling from God. It is a sacred privilege. It's a blessing. But it also can be challenging. We're having some real talk today with author Andrea Fortenberry about, her new book, two minute timeouts for new moms, 100 devotions for weary and Wonderful Days. And you know, I think it would be a beautiful thing for those of you who maybe you're getting invited to a baby shower. This would be a great gift to give. Just a little acknowledgement that, yeah, we're going to give you the perfect little outfit that they'll look so cute in in all the pictures. But we're also going to give you some hope, some help for those days that are hard. Because this is an investment. This is a lifelong journey that you're taking. And it can be, it can be challenging. And I think for those who are raised in different generations, I think, you know, I'd shared my kids are just about in the college launching stage of life. And I look at new moms today that I'm seeing in my practice and motherhood seems so different than even the experiences that I had just 20 years ago. One thing that is so much infinitely better is they've made so much better strollers. Let me tell you, the strollers today, they are like, they are just like scientific works of art with the clothes with one button. I do have some jealousy of that, Andrea. I just want to put that out there that I envy and covet the strollers of today. But sometimes it can be really hard for moms who grew up in other generations. We often speak words of discouragement without intending to. We say things like, like, oh, I'm so glad I'm not raising my kids today. I'm so glad that my kids were raised before the social media thing. And it just kind of speaks this doom and gloom, like this is a terrible time to be raising kids and we need to be more encouraging.

Andrea, what lies do moms believe about what being a good mother looks like?

And so Andrea, I'd love to start this segment talking about what lies that moms tend to believe about what being a good mother looks like. Because I think intuitively we would all say, oh, of course we don't believe that. But somewhere deep in our core, we are all prone to believe these lies.

Andrea Fortenberry: I think we believe the lie that we should be able to do it all and do it with a smile and never feel tired or get angry or frustrated. And it's just not realistic. And, and I think it's really important for us as moms to lean into who God made us to be and to focus on that versus. I feel like what we often do is we look at other moms who are maybe more crafty than us or they have a better decorated home, or they have better birthday parties, or they work out more than we do and we're like, oh, I should be doing all of these things. And we then feel like we're failing our families because we're not doing those things. When in reality, if we look at all that we are doing and how we love our family from the gifts and strengths that God has given us, we would see, wow, we're actually a success because we're loving our family well, we're leaning into who God made us to be. But instead I think we just spend so much time comparing and feeling like we should do it all. And that word should brings a lot of shame with it. I'm glad you mentioned shame earlier because shame m is really just pressure and it's that lie that we should do more than we're doing instead of acknowledging what we are. And I think what God asks of us instead is to do our best and trust him with the results and not focus on comparing or the things that other people have or the gifts that they have, but instead leaning into who he made us to be.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm really glad that you brought up the lie that we can have it all. That is a lie that I feel like is really pervasive in saying that, yeah, you can have it all. Whether it's, you know, having all of those things, like, not just one of those things, like, hey, I'm really good at taking care of my body and working out and eating healthy. And that's kind of my lane and my thing. It's like, we have to do that and be the Pinterest mom and have the home that's ready for HGTV and, you know, have, like, all of these things. And I. I really love that you talk about leaning into the mom that God created you to be. And I see this is where friendships come in. So I'll. I'll be really transparent with you, Andrea. I am not the Pinterest mom. I am the Pinterest fail mom. Like, I just. I am not creative in that way. I cannot execute things like that in that way. But, you know, I have friends and sisters who are so good at that. And I think what it required of me, though, was to. To lay down my pride and just say, like, okay, I can't do it all. I can't be at all. But one of the unexpected things that I found was that, you know, for the people who stepped in, like one of my sisters, she would make little favors for my kids for their class. They were adorable. Like, one year she made these little trains out of Lifesavers and Hershey Kisses. And, they were so cute. Nothing I would have ever dreamed or had the capacity to do. And it made her so happy to this. It created a bond with my child. And. And really, I discovered, okay, I'm robbing her of the blessing of that because that is the way that God gifted her to serve. So I've got friends that'll come over and help me set up the birthday party. And then, you know what? When they're in trouble, when there's a hard conversation that has to be had, I'm the friend that shows up and says, hey, yeah, I can speak into this. I can pray over you. I can step into this difficult situation. I'm not going to bring monogrammed Cupcakes when I do it, but I can do that. How do we lay down our ride and really build a village that's going to build our family up?

Andrea Fortenberry: I was thinking of that phrase right before you said that it takes a village to raise a child. And when we think about that, it means there's multiple people, right? Pouring in community, that's investing in our family. And so just like you said, one of the ways that we do that is by inviting other people to help us to help our kids in areas where we may not be as strong and. And even in areas where we could figure it out, but it would just be a lot of extra frustration, right? Like we could all figure out how to make the cupcakes, but is that worth the effort when it's not a strength of ours? So really just leaning in and I found that I developed really great friendships with other moms by those favors. Like, hey, could you come help me set up for my kids party? Hey, could you watch my kids? And I would be happy to watch yours. Could you help me? I have a friend who's really good with home decor things. So I said, could you come help me hang a shelf when my husband was out of town? Because I wanted to do it before he got home. So just leaning in and asking for that help from those who have different gifts and strengths and then also receiving help as well. Because I think our pride sometimes prevents us from when someone offers to help us with something, we're like, no, no, I got it. I'll figure it out. When inside we're just kind of feeling overwhelmed and drowning and like, yes, I would love help, but I'm afraid of what you or others will think if I accept that help. So I think when we just acknowledge we all need help, maybe it's just different seasons. There's so many different seasons of motherhood. And so in some seasons we may need more help than others and just being open to that and not shaming ourselves for needing help, because we all do.

Let's talk about working moms and stay at home moms

Dr. Jessica Peck: Let's talk about something that is a little bit sensitive. Let's talk about working moms and stay at home moms. Because God has different situations for every family. And I know that there are some mothers out there who have to work. They would love to stay at home. And there's some mothers who love what they do. They feel called by God what they do, but they feel guilty because they're not at home. So I want to address this very sensitively, knowing that, you know, my. I myself, I've been a Stay at home mom. I've been a working mom, so I understand this very well. But one of the lies that I do believe that culture sells us is you can have it all. You can work and you can have your family and you can have the beautiful home that is, you know, everything is perfect around you. But the reality that I found, Andrea, is that something's gotta give. If you're a working mom, then probably, you know, what's going to give is your home. Like, maybe it's not going to be as perfect as you would like it to be. It won't be as clean as you would like it to be. You're not going to have the meals like you would, you know, like to, to cook and prepare. Maybe you're preparing something more simple, something more feasible, than, you know, that, that Pinterest version of it. But again, I think regardless of your situation, you have, you have to welcome people in who are going to help you. Maybe that's needing a little extra help. I know one time when I was working, a little bit as a mom, my mother in law started helping me do the laundry. And this was so hard for me to do. I did not want her seeing my literal dirty laundry. Right. But she loved doing it. It was, was just she, she has a servant's heart. And it really did help me out so, so incredibly much. And it ended up being a bonding experience for us as she recognized the realities of just where our family was in the moment. And I think we need to be careful too, on wherever we are and building each other up. Because sometimes, you know, you can. I see this divide and kind of almost, accusations that can be thrown, but really those, those just come from places of insecurity because we're getting all of these mixed messages. We're all trying to. How can we encourage mothers, no matter what stage they're in, to not believe the lie that you can have it all and to be okay with letting some things go and letting some help in.

Andrea Fortenberry: Right. Like you said, motherhood, we can do it all different ways of, we stay home, we work. And I like you, I've, I've done it a variety of ways in different seasons. And so I think remembering that motherhood is not one size fits all. And so what you're doing for your family, whether you're working or staying at home or a combination of those, you need to just focus on how that is what your family needs in this season versus looking at all these other people who may be doing different things. And we feel this guilt or shame or desire that we could do what they're doing. Like instead focusing on what we maybe want to do, need to do in this season and then realize that there are, are distinct blessings however we do it. Yes, there are burdens as well, but it's however we are working or staying at home, there's burdens there too. So we can focus on if we're a stay at home mom, we have the time to be able to be at home with our kids, take care of home things, but if we're working, we can focus on that God has given us additional work to do and that when we come home, we are still loving and caring for our child. We see that our kids are loved and cared for while we're at work and so we don't need to feel that guilt or shame. So much of mom guilt I think is false guilt, right? We haven't done anything wrong, but we feel like we are because someone else is doing it differently. Or again, the world's telling us that we can do it all and we just feel this frustration about it. But again, just recognizing that, that different seasons require different things and we want to do what's best for our family without focusing on the comparison. And, and again, in different seasons we will need different kinds of help. And so being open to that and embracing it and just like you said, realizing when other people step in to help us, it's a blessing to them and so we actually can rob other people of being able to love and serve us and our family when we refuse the help. So just embracing that and thinking too about, you know, your mother in law or our moms or grandmas, like they all needed help too. Maybe it looked a little differently than it does in our season just because of our situation or modern times, but mothers have always needed help. It's not just something that we alone experience.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You're so right. And here in America we tend to be so individualistic, like we have to do everything but like you said, said it really takes a village. And when I think about the pressure, you know, that we feel sometimes it's just you have well meaning people who speak words just kind of off the cuff. But I can't tell you how many of those words I took to heart. Like if you know, you're, you're a busy mom and you're trying to get all your toddlers into church and, and somebody just passes by and says something as simple as like, hey, looks like you got your hands full, you're just like like, what. What does that mean? What do you mean by that? Like, do I look like chaos on wheels? Yes. You're judging me. Like, oh, I think we have such an opportunity to speak words of life. And I remember talking not too long ago to a new mom at church and just grabbing her by the hands and say, hey, I just want to tell you, you are crushing it as a mom. Look at your baby. He is growing, he is smiling. He is ahead on his developmental milestones. He is connected to you. He is so sweet and so friendly. Something that. Something that simple. I'm telling you that mama will take it home and she will hold it in her heart forever. Like, for forever and ever and ever.

Andrea: Let's be generous with our words of encouragement to other moms

So what would you say to people to encourage them to use opportunities? And where you see moms struggling to speak a word of life?

Andrea Fortenberry: Yes, as moms, we. We just need that so much. And actually, I was telling my daughter about a story yesterday that when she was little and I had my son, it was just one of those days that was crazy. I was like, we need to get out of the house. Where can we go? It's not going to cost a lot of money. And I thought, oh, the library. We're going to go to the library. So we get them there. But it was. I was weary. I'm hauling them and the books and getting in the car. And this car drove up. It was a man. He rolled down the window and he yelled out the window and. And said, look at you. You are an awesome mom. Taking your kids to the library like you're rocking it or something like that. And he drove off. I don't know who he was. And I just started to cry because I needed that so much. So just like you said, I feel like let's be generous with our words of encouragement to other moms because we need them more than we realize. I think we're just all trying to do the best we can and doubting if we're doing enough at the same time. So when we can speak life, life to another mom that is just like water to her soul can help revive her and help her to just perk up a little bit. Because I think we replay the negative words in our mind, like you said, like, oh, you have your hands full. I remember someone told me when I decided to stay home after my son was born, someone said, oh, well, now your degree is just gonna go to waste because you're a stay at home mom. And those words stuck with me. But the more I heard, heard the positive words and the Positive reminders. It just kind of helped me to push those other negative words away.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Kudos to the guy who gave you the shout out in the library parking lot. Like I said, I don't know how long ago that happened, Andrea, but you still remember it and carry it with you. It means so much. I think about that every time I'm on a plane. I look for the crying babies. Give them to me. I want to encourage those mamas and we're going to encourage all the mamas some more when we come back after this break. During the Christmas season of 1976, I sat down one night to watch television.

 : One man saw the battle coming. If we lose this cultural war, we're going to have a hedonistic, humanistic society.

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 : The movement Don started paved the way for Christians to boldly stand for truth and righteousness in a hostile culture. Watch Culture Warrior today for free visit culturewarrior.movie

Good Day by Forrest Frank: Okay, okay, okay. I'm, about to have a good day no matter what they say sun is shining down on me birds are singing praise I'm about to have a good day in every single way.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is a good day by Forrest Frank. And you know what? I really think that should be the alarm. Wake up for everybody mom in the world. It is such a great declaration of faith. I'm about to have a good day no matter what they say. God has made the universe and knows me by my name. So it's a good day. That is such a powerful message. As a side note, Forrest Frank got his start in Waco, Texas, and he used to sit in a park, just a little park in Waco with a sign that says, you want to hear a song or need some encouragement or something like that. And I remember one of his first viral videos, videos was a very weary mom walking through that park with her babies who decided, yeah, sure, I'll sit down with this stranger and put on the headphones and friends, I think the rest was history. We underestimate the power of positive words. And no matter where you are, or who you know, you have the opportunity to encourage a mom today. And that's what we're doing today with Andrea Fortenberry. Two minute timeouts for new moms. 100 devotions for weary and wonderful days. And we are having a pretty wonderful conversation about the realities of motherhood. But we have a freeing reminder to close with and to share with moms that motherhood is, was never meant to be perfected, but lived in dependence on God. Not to be independence, but to be in dependence on God. Every day when we release those unrealistic expectations, we really make room for grace to grow. So, Andrea, I want to talk about the, the grace of God, but let's talk first for just a minute about on a practical level. Your book is called Two Minutes. Two Minute Timeouts. Why are these small moments with God? Because that's another unrealistic expectation we have, right? Like the devotional time is going to be like a children's preschool video series. And that is not the case right in the newborn days. Why are those small minutes with God so powerful?

Andrea Fortenberry: Powerful. I feel like for moms, that's the time we have, right? And I think like you said, culture, Christian culture, our maybe previous experience of having quiet time was maybe 30 minutes or an hour in the morning or whatever that looks like. But when you are a mom of a newborn or little kids, multiple kids, you just don't have that time anymore. I would, I remember I would try to wake up before my kids and they would wake up earlier and I would feel frustrated and defeated and so realizing I can, instead of having like this feast in the morning of time with God, I can snack all throughout the day. It can be through listening to worship music, reading a two minute devotional as I'm in the restroom or in the car, when we're driving somewhere and I park and I can read for two minutes. Like those are the times that we can make the most of. It's easy to just grab our phone and scroll, but we can be intentional about, okay, my time with God used to look this way and now that I'm a mom, I'm gonna get creative and use these little margin moments to invest, to read God's word, get it in my soul because we need it as moms.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Anybody with an iPhone can open their screen, report time and see that we are lying to ourselves. We really are saying that we don't have time. We do have time, but culture and technology has really conditioned us to at. Look, look for that phone, for that scroll, for that self regulation, for that emotional regulation, and it's really how we're exercising self care.

When we neglect taking care of ourselves, we then feel more irritable

Andrea, how do you advise for moms to really take good spiritual care of themselves? Because so often, you know, mamas are taking care of everybody's needs but their own. And there's a contingency out there that would say self care is selfish. But. But at some point, especially at a core spiritual level, we've got to engage in some self care because a healthy mama going to be a healthy relationship and healthy kids, right?

Andrea Fortenberry: When we neglect taking care of ourselves, we then feel more irritable, a little more tired. Right? Frustrated. We don't feel physically well if we're not caring for our bodies well. And then I feel like then I'm less able to love and care for my family in the way that I want to. But conversely, when I invest in myself, time with God, taking care of my body through feeding myself, not just like my leftover kids, macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets in those days when they were little, right? And then friendship, carving out time for friendship or time with my husband. Like, all of those things might seem on the surface like they're taking away from time with your kids, but really, when we do those things, we are a better person, a better woman. So then we can show up as a better version of ourselves to. To mother our children. And so I like to say that when moms invest in themselves, it's a blessing to everyone around them because we can show up more in the way that we want to versus, like, just hanging on, surviving. We can be more in a thriving mode than just that survival.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I found that as a mom and other moms that I know, it seems like you, you kind of do fine. You're running, running, running, running, and then you just fall apart. A cliff. There's no gradual decline here. It's like you're. You're running on empty, and then all of a sudden it's going to bubble up to some sort of crisis point. You're going to yell at your kids, and then you're going to beat yourself up and feel so ashamed for the next, you know, three weeks that you had that outburst or, you know, you just, you snap, you, you become irritable, you, you know, you're just. You become. Not that you just have a meltdown. You just have an emotional meltdown, like a toddler. How do we slow our pain pace in a world that's living at the speed of a smartphone? How do we slow our pace to recognize some of Those early warning signs that, hey, you're running on empty, you need to take a pause, you need to invest in yourself, you need to have that time out. Like you're saying, how do we see some of those signs and, and respond earlier in a healthier way?

Andrea Fortenberry: Good question. I think it's important for us to evaluate how we're spending our time. What are our commitments that we've made. I'm one of those moms that I, you know, was type A, like, love to lead lots of things. And so I have a tendency to over commit. But when I had my kids, they were actually a very good indicator to me that I was doing too much of like lugging them in and out of the car and trying to find babysitters so I could do all of these things. And their lack of excitement for things or their, their tiredness of me trying to run them multiple places was an indication, oh, I am doing too much. Not only is it too much for me, but it's too much for them. And I think as women again, we're really good about adding things to our plate. But I, even in this season, I'm in right now thinking about what can I remove from my plate so that I have some margin in my days. Margin to take a nap, margin to go for a walk, like do things that are refreshing and restorative versus just being frantic trying to meet all of these commitments and things, things that, that I've signed up to do. So realizing that we're not robots who can go, right, we're not like the devices that we can just plug in and supercharge and keep going. Like we are human beings, not human doings. And so we need to take time to slow down. And maybe that's one day a week that we carve out. I love to on Sundays, try to take a nap every Sunday and then also not be on my phone scrolling social media, media. So that's just an example of like how I try to take away something to make time for something that is really restful and restorative.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You said something really powerful there, Andrea. Our kids are really good truth tellers. They're really good barometers. They are painfully honest. And I have found, you know, if I ask my kids, like, do you think I'm spending too much time on my phone? They. They will happily tell me how, when, where, and why I am scrolling on my phone too much. They are only too happy to call me out. And I think that we need to invite that a little bit more to really bring about some culture change in our house, that, hey, we're all in this together and we're all working on this together. Now you have to do it respectfully, of course. But you know what? My kids even now will say now they're. They're older, but they'll say, hang up and hang out, you know, and they'll call me back to that and remind me, like, mom, you need to go outside and touch grass. Like, you need some sunshine. Sunshine. You need some human interaction. Like, you need to go to lunch with a friend. You need some queso. Like, that is where I'm going to go. And.

In your book, a mom's spiritual health impacts the culture of her home

And one of the truths that you present in this, in your. In this book, in your devotional is that a mom's spiritual health impacts the culture of her home. Tell us a little bit about that and how we can leverage that for our family's good.

Andrea Fortenberry: As moms, we have so much more influence than I think we really realize. Our kids, yes, they hear and see the things we intentionally teach them, but I think they also catch so much as well of observing us. I remember I mentioned earlier about being frustrated when my kids would come in, I'm trying to read my Bible. I one time had the light bulb moment of, actually, this is the best time for them to wake up and see that I'm reading my Bible. Maybe I don't get to do all that I thought I was going to do, but they're seeing me do this. And so just recognizing that. Recognizing that as we get those two minutes or we're listening to God's word, or when we're in a Bible study, however we're investing spiritually, sometimes, yes, it's for that day or that season, but it's also just this depository that we can draw from later. I remember one particular really frustrating day I was having as a mom with little kids, and God just reminded me of two verses. I hadn't read them that day, but I'd read them at some time that they were. I knew them enough for memory, and they were just such an encouragement to my heart. So it's important if we think about it like caring for our physical body when we invest spiritually, it's caring for. For our spirit, which we need to be healthy and strong for the long haul of motherhood.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, I think about, as you're talking about that just even creating a culture of just real spiritual engagement. One of the things that happened when I was a young mom is I would just start a habit of just praying out loud, like I thought pray time had to be this, you know, in a special chair, like, with a journal or whatever music playing. Like, that was not going to happen. So my kids started mimicking me. And when I would get irritated, they would just start praying out loud, dear God, help mama not to be so frustrated. And then I would just pray back out, dear God, please help my kids not to be so frustrating, you know, but it was this beautiful kind of real. Like we were talking together, God. We were bringing our cares to God. We were acknowledging in that moment, okay, we need help here. Like, we are just frustratingly human. But I think it's beautiful to see that your kids will. Will mimic that back. And it's not about, oh, looking perfect and sitting on the couch so still during the devotional and reading scripture and looking at you afterwards with tears in their eyes saying, I'm going to remember this forever. Like, that's not what's going to happen, but it's really laid and the foundation.

I want you to really speak to those moms who feel like they are stuck in survival mode

Andrea, I want you to really speak to those moms who feel like they are stuck in survival mode. Like they're listening to all of this, but they just feel like it is a season of struggle. Whether that's just tiredness, physical struggle, emotional struggle, whatever it is, they're just in survival mode. How do you shift from that and really pursue motherhood with purpose?

Andrea Fortenberry: Know that there is a season for everything, and this too shall pass. Right? So when we're in those hard seasons of newborn or I remember potty training my kids was a nightmare. It brought out the worst in me. Know that this will pass. The days can feel so long, but the years really can be short. So just knowing that it's not always going to be this hard, something will change. And really just leaning into, to hope and faith and God's love that he's going to help you get through this. Ask him for wisdom on how you can thrive where you are versus just surviving. And we mentioned earlier, I think a big part of that is community and asking for help and receiving help and also investing in your yourself. So thinking about, what do you need in this season to care for yourself well, so that you can love and care for your family. We. We can't pour from an empty cup, so to speak. And so as moms, it's really important that we make sure that our cup is filled. So be open and honest with the people in your life about the help that you need. And again, when we normalize that, it really is just freeing. And then we can receive that help that we're longing for and that we, we need.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I often counsel new moms about this stage of life and I always tell them to give themselves grace and space, to be human because God is well acquainted with our humanity. He knows us inside and out. And a lot of times these are big transitions that are just best taken in small steps. And I remember when I was very early in my nursing career, I had a mom who was struggling with feeding. And, you know, especially when you struggle with feeding in those early days, days you just feel like, I can't even give my child, like, nourishment what they need. This is the basics. And I remember just having a conversation with her and just really just being there, listening, giving her some encouraging words. Okay, that baby now is like married and having babies of her own. But every time I see that mama in the grocery store on the, in the community park, she will stop what she's doing, run over to me, give me the biggest bear hug, and announce to everyone around, this woman saved my life. And I think, is this the bar that's so low? Just give an encouraging word. But look how powerful that is. I want to encourage everyone as we conclude our time here today, Andrea, that they have the power to speak life into those weary moms. Next time you see that mama struggling in the grocery store and a plane in the school line, just go and just whisper some words of encouragement to her. Say, you're doing so great. This too shall pass. Yes, you're doing great. Listen, I hope that you'll get a copy of Andrea's book and give it to a mom who needs it. Two minute timeouts for new moms. 100 devotions for weary and wonderful days. It's by Andrea Fortenberry. And I pray that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you, be gracious to you and give you peace, especially if you are in those wild and wonderful days of motherhood. Listen, I'll see you right back here next time. Thanks for listening in.

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Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

Author, Speaker, and Podcast host Andrea Fortenberry joins Jessica to talk about the realities of motherhood for mothers and for those who support mothers.

 https://www.andreafortenberry.com/