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: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And it is fry.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yay.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It is almost one of the last Fridays of the summer. I cannot believe this year is going so quickly. Maybe that's just amazing thing but it seems like everyone I'm Talking to says 2026 is just speeding by. But the good news is it's not too late to jump into our healthy habits journey. We started this back in January, so if you're new, just join in right here or go back in the beginning and listen to any Friday show. Or you can also find the Dr. Nurse Mama coaching minutes which is just a one minute version of the Friday show. And it is in these daily disciplines that I believe God blesses us and that God really equips us to best serv serve our families. And it's in those daily mundane interactions that healthy relationships are built. And I am convinced that there is no challenge that we cannot face without a healthy family by our side. That doesn't mean this world's going to be perfect. And this world is far from perfect.
We spent all summer talking about media and I transitioned out of that last week
And that leads us to the topic for today. Now I want to give you a listener advisory and let you know today's topic is really tough, but I really encourage you not to tune out. It's something that we need to talk about. And as we've moved through the habits, we've talked about four core spiritual disciplines. We talked about six rhythms that your family needs, communication skills. We spent all summer talking about media and I transitioned out of that last week talking about tech safety. And we're moving into a safety series. And today we're talking about something called body safety. Now, that may be an unfamiliar term and something that sounds strange to you, but really what we're talking about is how can you be your child's protector that I know you know how to do. And there's a lot of talk around the language that we use to best equip kids, because that's one of the problems with abuse is that often don't have the language to explain what has happened to them. They don't have the language to say, make an outcry, a disclosure. And so we need to, especially in today's world, when prowlers are on the loose, they are seeking our children. There are predators, there are really bad actors out there on the Internet world, But God does not give us a fearful spirit. Spirit call us to have a fearful spirit. He calls us to be faithful. And I'm going to equip you today and how to talk to your kids about body safety, how to be their protector, how to watch for signs of abuse. And again, I know this can be a really tough thing to talk about, especially for those of you who may have abuse in your own background. And I encourage you, if that is you, to seek a healing journey, whatever that may look like for you, whether that is talking to a counselor or just seeking help and healing from that experience that has happened, because that is something that's really important for us to do in order to best serve our children for our own health, for our family health, for our children's health. And every parent, every grandparent, every person who is taking care of a kid, we want to believe, like, oh, that would never happen to us. That's kind of our protective mechanism. And we imagine danger as something that happens in dark parking lots. This is often something that I see in my own community on, on social media many times. Tag me if there's a post that goes something like, hey, I just. I don't usually post stuff like this, but I had something really scary to me happen to me. Usually they'll describe a big store or a parking lot and what is very likely a bad actor following them around or making them feel uncomfortable threatening them in some way. Usually that's connected to human trafficking from the poster, although that's not usually how human trafficking works. And I have talked about that at length. That's my primary work as a professor. But we want to imagine, the truth is, if we're really honest, we want to imagine danger in that way because it's very easy to see. It's. We can recognize that kind of danger. We know how to act. We know when something looks suspicious in person when we're in that situation. And we can act to protect our family. And we can teach our children avoid strangers and hold our hands Crossing the street and wear a bike helmet and all of these things that keep them safe. But really, one of the greatest threats to children's safety today is often the conversation that families are not having, and that is the risk of abuse, and particularly that's happening online. Although we have seen leaps and bounds forward, especially in Christian communities, talking about abuse, reducing the stigma and the shame that's related to disclosures of abuse very unfairly, we still have a long way to go. And child abuse really remains one of the most underreported crimes in America. And I know from looking at the research as a professor, that what happened, especially during COVID was that abuse likely increased while reporting likely decreased because children had their safety nets removed. They weren't in those places where they could make an outcry, especially if abuse was occurring in their own home. Now, it's important to know that abuse crosses every socioeconomic level, every demographic you can think of, every denomination, every everything. There is no child who is immune to abuse. And that can feel really scary. But the reason that we need to think that is because. Because we need to really realize that it can happen to any child. So every child needs protection. We don't need to adopt false assurances like, okay, that's. That. That's a problem, but it's not a problem here. Abuse really thrives in silence and secrecy. And it's not because parents don't love their kids. It's just because we don't see it often and we don't know how to prepare them. And one of the gifts that God gave children is that they're naturally trusting. This is great because they're going to trust their parent, but they can also TR bad actors. Their brains are still developing. They depend on adults to find what is normal and safe. And offenders. Predators know this. And you better believe that they are using every element of technology available to them to try to exploit that. Grooming doesn't begin with abuse. It begins with trust and secrecy and gifts and attention and secret relationships and confusion. And many kids really view these experiences as normal. And many kids who even experience abusive behavior don't immediately tell someone. And many never disclose in childhood at all. Why is this. Why is this happening? Well, there are a lot of reasons, actually. As I mentioned before, a lot of times children lack the vocabulary to describe what happened to them. They don't know the words for their body parts or the things that happen to them. They don't understand what happens. They may have been manipulated into feeling like they participated. It was their fault. Or they fear getting someone into trouble. They fear that no one will believe them. And sometimes they carry shame that they don't even really understand why they feel that way. So today's program, I'm going to emphasize, again, I am not going. I'm not designing this to create fear in your heart. I really want to create confidence. Because research consistently shows that prevention, education, open family communication, and trusted adult relationships, these are effective strategies to reduce vulnerability and increase the likelihood that children will disclose abuse earlier. And it can prevent abuse from occurring in the first place. Now, we cannot possibly eliminate every danger. And that's why layered protection is so important. A layered strategy, meaning communication, meaning also physical safeguards, meaning relational safeguards, meaning boundaries for curfew and things like that rules. All these. All these safeguards that are in place, they can't prevent. Nothing is foolproof, but they can dramatically increase protection. And that is primarily through, again, education, connection, and conversation.
One in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse before the age of 18
And that's really what we'll talk about today and talk about body safety. Now, we used to say good touch and bad touch. And one of the bad things about that, the unintended side effects, is that when we say bad touch, it, what children believe many times is that if you say you experience bad touch, it means they were bad, they were bad in some way, they behaved badly, they are bad, whatever that is. So that's why we move to safe and unsafe touch. Did that touch make you feel safe? Is it a hug from your parent? Is it a handshake? Is it a high five from your coach? Those are all forms of safe touch. Anything that's unsafe, and we'll talk about what that is. But it made you feel unsafe. It is not your fault that happened. And this can't just be one awkward conversation. It's gotta be a lifelong culture of safety that really begins in those early toddler years and even to some extent in infancy, and goes throughout childhood. And these conversations are built on truth and trust and grace, because protecting kids begins long before the danger appears. And so often we're reactive. We see something unsafe, our kids experience something unsafe. We're like, oh, my gosh. And push the panic button. And don't you know this? And don't you do this and that kind of thing? But really, I want to encourage you to look at prevention as a relationship strategy, not a lecture. So before we teach about prevention, we got to understand what we're preventing. Because abuse isn't always violent. It begins subtly. And sometimes kids don't realize that it is abuse. But child abuse is More common than most people realize. And sadly for me as a pediatric nurse, I know this. The statistics tell us that approximately 1 in 4, 4 girls. That's 1 in 4 and 1 in 13 boys, which we believe that number to be higher because there's more stigma and shame often when boys are reporting abuse. So we believe that they are, are less likely to report. But that's one in four girls. One in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse before the age of 18. And more than 90% of children. I want you to listen to this. More than 90% of children who are sexually abused know the person harming them, meaning it is not a stranger. This needs to reshift our strategy because so often we focus on stranger danger and we imagine it to be a stranger because we can't imagine that someone in our trusted circle would violate our trust and abuse our child. But that is the majority of the cases. Most offenders are trusted adults or they are older youth. I have had other guests talking about the rise, and I know it's really hard to talk about. Again, watch those younger ears who may be listening. But child on child abuse, we see children seeing things in explicit images or videos and then acting those out because children are designed to imitate or copy adults. That's what they do from a young age when they copy mom and dad doing whatever they're doing around the house or, you know, sweeping or mopping or vacuuming, which are great things to copy. We want our kids to copy that, but not, obviously abusive behavior. But most offenders. Again, trusted adults, older kids, relatives, coaches, babysitters, family, friends, authority figures, someone who is in their circle of influence. And children rarely disclose immediately. And that is really the norm rather than the exception. It's not typical for kids to experience something and then come right home and tell you about it. But sometimes they will tell you something that feels off. And we just, we think, oh, that person, oh, no, you don't need to worry about that. We dismiss it too quickly. We need to have an attentive radar and give every feeling, of discomfort the attention that it deserves so we can talk about what abuse is. It's not okay for someone to physically abuse you. That means hitting you, shaking you, you know, any kind of physical injury. That is not okay. And then we need to talk to them about what is sexual abuse. And that can be hard to do. You're going to, you need to use vocabulary that is appropr. But I'm talking right now, especially starting in the later school age, preteen and Teenage years, you're going to tell them it's not okay for someone to touch you. A lot of times we think that's just what abuse is. But there are other ways. It can be exposing, an adult, exposing themselves. It can be looking at them voyeurism, it can be making them or exposing them to explicit images or video. It can be coercing them online or sextortion, which I've talked about many times in the past. Ah, really extort kids for explicit images or videos and telling them you need to pay me money or I'm going to post these or I'm going to tell someone those kinds of things. And that is important for people to know. And grooming is often mistaken for kindness. It is a deliberate process that predators use to gain access to a child and it also reduces the likelihood of disclosure because it's very easy to get a child to keep keep a secret. So that's one thing that we should be looking for. We want adults in our kids lives who are healthy, but if they are really giving them a lot of special attention or excessive gifts or asking them to keep secrets, that is one thing that you can do right away is tell your kids you are not allowed to keep any secrets. There are some things that are confidential, but nothing is secret. Talk to them about the different difference between secrecy and confidentiality. And if any adult ever asks you, if any adult ever asks a child if they can keep a secret, you say, no, I cannot. I'm not allowed to keep secrets. I don't keep those from my parents. And they're gradually crossing boundaries, isolating, testing their reactions and building dependence on them. That those are warning signs to talk about that can be unhealthy. When we come back, talk about how this happens online and how to best protect your kids. We'll be right back.
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The Cross by Anne Wilson and Chris Tomlin: who told you Grace can't reach the has the devil made you believe the lies he tells are true? When you're sure that you're the one who's wander too far off it's not too late Just come home to the cross Come see Savior's love that would die to make you new Nothing you have ever done can change mercy done for you and if you ever wonder if you were so great a cause look up and see the cross.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is the cross by Anne Wilson and that is the hope that we have today.
We need to shift from stranger danger to really boundary awareness for kids online
We're talking about a tough topic. I want to give you a listener advisor again. Make sure that you have those little ears protected. This is a message that's really important but needs to be delivered in a developmentally appropriate way. It is Friday. We're talking about healthy habits. We're in our safety series and we're talking about body safety, which really is how do we teach our kids to recognize signs of abuse and report them? And how do we be our kids protectors? Right before the break I was talking about grooming, which is a process that many predators use to groom a child into a relationship of secrecy and to normalize experiences of abuse. And it is tragic every time it happens. Now this happens in person. It also happens online. Today's offender does not need physical proximity to our children. It only needs an electronic connection. Now that can happen through gaming platforms, through social media, messaging apps, live streams, AI generated manipulation which we're seeing child predators use AI technology to create chatbots that will groom children. We see that through photo requests or private chats, any interaction that your child has on an electronic platform could potentially create an exposure for abuse. And children often believe when they are talking to an adult online, they may be just talking to another peer. It's very easy to accept that when they present themselves as a peer. So we've got to go beyond stranger danger and teach smart safety instead of just being afraid, just getting online and feeling afraid, having our kids get online and feel afraid. Because for decades, many of us grew up hearing that one simple message, don't talk to strangers. Well, I had one, one kid tell me one time in practice. You know, my, my mom told me never talk to strangers. But all I see her doing is using apps to call strangers to come to our house for rides, having strangers come to our house to deliver dinner, having str. Strangers come to our house to deliver packages, having strangers meeting up on Marketplace, shall we say meeting strangers to exchange stuff. We are giving kids mixed messages. We're telling them, don't talk to strangers while we're talking to strangers all day long. And while this is well intentioned, this message has unintentionally left many families with a false sense of security. Because we think we have control and we don't. It, suggests that danger comes primarily from people that children don't know. But as I said, the evidence tells a very different story now. Even when they're meeting strangers online, that very quickly feels like it's not a stranger. I've gamed with them every day for weeks now. That's not a stranger, that's a friend. So what a kid views as a stranger and what an adult views as a stranger, especially online, can be really, really different. And that's important. We've got to shift from stranger danger to really boundary awareness. We need to teach our kids that safety. Safe people will respect your boundaries. Whether that is a boundary on, this is my gaming time. These are my physical boundaries. Whatever. Relationship, boundary, family rule, boundary, safe people, respect your family boundaries and your personal boundaries. That's a key message that you can give to your kids. Safe people respect your boundaries, regardless of how familiar it seems that they are. And parents ask like, how, how could I know? And the truth is, most offenders don't look suspicious, especially to kids. They often appear exceptionally kind and helpful and charismatic and invested in kids. And offenders will work hard to become the adult everyone trusts. That's often how it works. And they know that if they earn the confidence of the parents, it is easier to gain the confidence of the child. Now we see these in a lot of public reports that have happened of abuse and wide scale things that have happened. This is the pattern that we see over and over again. And one of the things that we need to be alert as Christians is that predators often seek church environments because they know that church people are more trusting and if they can speak the spe, the walk the walk and talk the talk, and it seems like, oh, they have such a thriving relationship with the Lord they could never. But there is a level of deception there that now this means that we don't need to be looking for a predator behind every pew, but we do just need to be just as on guard and keep the same boundaries no matter where our kids are. Watch for those patterns of behavior. Rather than trying to identify the per. Or the offender or, or the predator, we need to watch for those patterns of behavior that violate healthy boundaries. If it makes your kid feel uncomfortable, you need to tell them, if any adult ever puts you in a situation or says something or does something that makes you uncomfortable, always come and talk to me about it. Sometimes it's fine and they don't understand it. Sometimes it's not fine. One behavior alone may not indicate abuse, but multiple behaviors, multiple feelings of discomfort, multiple red flags, those deserve a second look.
If there are adults seeking alone time with children, red flag
Let's talk about some specific ones that you should, you should look at. If there are adults seeking alone time with children, they're offering private lessons, a ride home sleepovers, creating opportunities to isolate one child from the group. Red flag. Also playing favorites. If they give one kid excessive gifts or money, or give them special privileges that they're not giving to other kids or referring to that kid as my special buddy, my special friend, those are not appropriate adult child boundaries or relationships. Now sometimes it's hard because they can become indispensable to the family. They volunteer for everything. They are wanting increasing access. They're positioning themselves as, oh, I'm your go to helper. That is something that not again, not by itself. We all need friends like that. But if it's within a pattern of greater, concerning, behaviors, that's something that you should look at. Anytime that a child says that this crosses my physical boundaries, even if they don't use those specific words, they're using language that they have that could be tickling or wrestling, that doesn't stop or lap sitting with older children or long hugs, any of those kinds of things not appropriate. So you should define. A lot of times that's going to be different given the context. You need to define what is appropriate and what is not and have open conversations about that. I've talked about this before. It can be hard. Again, giving kids mixed messages where we tell them, you know, it's not okay for people to touch you if you don't want to be touched. Also, you must kiss Uncle Elmer on the lips when we see him at the family reunion. It's rude if you don't. Don't. It will hurt his feelings if you don't. Those are mixed messages. So we need to make sure that we're giving our kids control of their body and say, God gave you your body and it is okay for you to say no. Another big red flag is violating parental boundaries, encouraging kids to keep secrets. I tell my kids this all the time. No, you're not allowed to keep secrets. Or communicating privately with children, not with the parents on there, asking parents, trust me, but, but they resist accountability. And if they're testing the limits, they maybe say a joke that seems maybe a little inappropriate or very inappropriate, obviously that's not okay. Or if they are gradually increasing physical contact to kind of gauge the reaction, just any of those behaviors, using bad language. Those things are red flags you need to look at because it means that there is not a character, and behavioral alignment there. And one of the greatest mistakes that families make is assuming that just because we know somebody, they're safe. Familiarity is not the same thing as safety. So we need as healthy families to prioritize accountability. You can trust people, of course, but don't remove accountability. And that goes for anyone. So good adults are going to welcome transparency. Safe adults will welcome transparency. Healthy coaches don't mind if parents stay and watch the practice. Healthy youth leaders are going to welcome open door policies. Healthy babysitters don't object to check ins. Healthy mentors communicate through parents, not around them. And in contrast, someone who becomes irritated by boundaries that are certainly reasonable or insists that you just have to trust me, that could be a signal for an unhealthy dynamic. So trust is earned and accountability protects everyone, including, including trustworthy people, because it protects that person, that adult as well. So when, before you allow an adult significant access to your child, think about these kinds of questions. Are there at least two adults present during the activities? That's for your child's protection and for the adult's protection as well. Does this organization have written child protection policies? Do they do background checks? Are the staff and the volunteers trained on Abuse recognition and prevention. Are any private electronic communications with children prohibited? Can parents observe the activities at any time? Does your child seem comfortable around the person that they're, that they're exposed to? Does the adult respect your nose, your boundaries and your child's nose, your child's boundaries? And does the adult welcome transparency? Because organizations with strong child protection policies aren't demonstrating distrust, trust. This is wisdom. This is wisdom and accountability. And so instead of simply saying don't talk to strangers, we need to teach them. Safe adults never ask children to keep secrets from their parents. Safe adults don't break body boundary rules. Safe adults never make children feel responsible for an adult's feelings or behaviors. That is really important because they can feel, feel guilty or like they hurt an adult's feelings. That is not appropriate at all. And telling them what safe adults do instead of just telling them to avoid unsafe ones, that is how we're going to equip our children to recognize unsafe situations, whether it's a stranger or a neighbor or a relative or someone that they know who's in, in their circle. And these conversations can feel really uncomfortable because they challenge our deep assumptions that danger is outside our circle. But prevention, it is not about being suspicious of everyone. It's just creating a culture where boundaries are normal and transparency is expected and children know they can always tell you anything without feeling afraid or ashamed. We don't want to raise fearful children who are afraid of dangerous strangers. We want to raise faithful, confident children who feel like they are equipped to recognize danger and report it. It that's so important and we can tell them most adults are safe. That is true. And we don't. We, we just need to teach them discernment on how to look at that.
Online grooming can introduce an element of grooming to prepare a child for exploitation
Now let's talk about online, specifically the digital playground. We used to have the physical playground where we'd watch for strangers. Now we have a digital playground. And that is one of the biggest shifts that has happened in child abuse prevention over the past decade or so. And that means an offender can gain access online. And so how can this, this happen? Let me give you some more examples. I've talked briefly. Let me go into more detail. Online grooming, building trust and emotional dependence to prepare a child for exploitation. That just happens through any online relationship. any online relationship can introduce an element of grooming. It could be solicitation, asking a child to engage in explicit conversations or activities when they don't know what they're doing, doing sextortion, as I talked to you about, threatening to share images or information Unless that child sends explicit content or money or complies with the demands of the extortionist, it could be child sexual abuse material. Now you'll see this increasingly referred to in the media as csam. That's what it stands for. And it is abuse that's creating, possessing, sharing, coercing children into producing those, those things. It can be image based abuse, creating intimate images or taking intimate images that have been taken without the child's consent, or manipulating them as a deep fake. It can be exposure to pornography. It can be catfishing, where they're pretending to be another child or a safe adult, someone who is trusted so they can gain the child's confidence before exploiting them. Can be cyberbullying, human trafficking, privacy violations, financial exploitation. There are so many ways. And that's why the, the more limited access that you have electronically, the better. Although it's not realistic to be completely digitally free. And that's why boundaries, guardrails, transparency, safety are so important to have. And so when we look at that, those online behaviors, you're still, it doesn't matter, we can get overwhelmed and we're, and we think about all of those platforms and I think, and you may be even thinking, wait, what did she just say? Those words are unfamiliar to me. Catfishing and sextortion and deep fakes and all of those things, we get distracted by that. But the pattern of behavior is the same. It doesn't matter the technology, if we know the pattern of behavior, which we do, it's relationship before exploitation that most online offenders aren't going to begin that first interaction with an explicit abusive request. They begin by coming what the child feels like they need. They are going to compliment their appearance or their talents or their interest, or spend hours online playing games together, become that person that they feel like is the only person in the world who listens to them, who understands them. They're going to give them sympathy when they're upset, or they'll slowly move those conversations from the platform they found them on to a more private messaging app that's encrypted. And then they'll start to normalize secrecy. And children believe that they've made a friend. That's why instead of telling them all of this is bad, stay away from this. We need to tell them this is what good, healthy friendships look like and encourage them and instruct them in that way so that they can recognize when things are not unhealthy. And children again, they remain silent many times online because they're afraid if, if they tell you something weird happened. The first thing you're going to do is to take their device or they're afraid they'll be blamed. They think, oh, you an offender may exploit this and say you'll get in trouble if your parents find out or your parents are going to be so mad at you or maybe even no one will believe you or something more scary like I already know where you live. That's why we've got to teach healthy technology. I cannot emphasize enough delay smartphones and social media media as long as you possibly can. I've talked about that a lot on other shows. Until you feel like your child is ready to navigate that keep do all of those tech habits that we talked about tech transparency and accountability. Those are important tech tracking, tech free times, tech free zones. Talk to them about coming to tell you anything. You can always tell me anything because the most powerful protection I believe it's not software as much as it is relationship that is so important. We'll have so much more to talk about to encourage and equip you when we come back. See you right after this break.
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Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham: How I long to breathe the air of heaven where pain is gone and mercy fills the streets to look upon the one who bled to save me and walk with him for all eternity. There will be a day when all will bow before him. There will be a day when death will be no more standing face to face.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham. and I cannot listen to that song without getting tearful because I think about my sweet grandmother, my granny as I called her. And when she went to be with Jesus, I just felt like, oh, the world was so sad. And we do listen live in a sad, sad world. But I went to church and the first song that we sang was that song. And it gave me such hope. And in a world that is so broken and so dark and so desperate for a hope that is our hope. There will be a day when all things are made right. And I cannot wait for that day. But in the meantime, until then, God has equipped us with everything that we need to navigate this world. In this world, we will have the trouble. And one of those troubles that we have, one of the most heartbreaking things that we have and something that I've dedicated my life to as a professor is preventing abuse and trauma of children. And that's what we're talking about today. Not from a fear based way, but from a faith informed perspective. We're in our safety series of the healthy habits and today we're talking about being your child's protector. So let's recap and review what we've talked about about and so that you leave here feeling equipped and encouraged and empowered to be your child's protector.
Let's talk about body safety. Telling our kids that you are entitled to safety in your body
So let's talk about body safety. Telling our kids that you are entitled to have to having safety in your body. And what does that mean? It means they're safe and unsafe. Touch. It means safe touch is something that's appropriate, that makes you feel safe and unsafe. Touch is something that is not appropriate, that is not your fault, and you need to come and tell me anytime a ah touch feels unfamiliar, unsafe. So some body safety principles are teaching the correct anatomical names of body parts to kids. Now I know this can be controversial, but it's really hard when a kid is making an outcry and they don't have a name. And then you're getting into legalese and those kinds of things. But research shows children who know the proper names for their body parts communicate more clearly, they're taken more seriously and they have less confusion about what's happening to them. So we've got to normalize those words without embarrassing, embarrassment. Teach them, my body belongs to me and it's okay for me to say if something feels unsafe, I can set my body boundaries. Private parts are those parts that are covered by a swimsuit and no one should touch or look at or photograph or, or ask them to touch another person except to keep them healthy or clean. And you can say those specific people, whether that's a caretaker who's helping give them a bath, if they're of that age or if they're at a healthcare provider Check. You can talk through those things and, and really great healthcare providers are going to help you talk through those things as well. And it's only appropriate in certain contexts. And you need to tell them what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. Talk about those things. We need to teach consent early, saying, may I hug you? Would you rather wave? High five. Can I give you a fist bump? And re. Respecting children's healthy boundaries teaches them that theirs matter. And it tells them to listen to that inner voice when tells them that something's wrong.
Teach children the difference between confidentiality and secrets
Replace stranger danger, telling them, who are the safe adults in your life and how are safe adults supposed to behave? Safe adults are adults who help children without asking children to keep secrets. Unsafe adults ask children to keep things from their parents. Teach them the difference between surprises and secrets. Teach them the difference between confidentiality and secrets. There's some things that are confidential. Not everyone needs to know this. We're not keeping, keeping this a secret, but we're keeping this confidential. Between me and you and mom and dad, between me and your healthcare provider, between me and your teacher. Those are the only people who need to know that it's not a secret. It's confidential. But that is important. But surprises, because sometimes offenders will use surprises. Surprises are temporary fun. They're eventually told. Right? A, surprise is something that you're planning for somebody. A secret is meant to stay hidden, and it often creates anxiety. Healthy adults, safe adults do not ask children to keep secrets from their parents. We need to teach children to trust their gut, to trust that oh feeling. To trust that feeling that something's wrong, but I don't know exactly what it is. Sometimes their body recognizes the danger before their mind can understand it. So teach them if something feels confusing or scary scary or gives you a tummy ache or a weird feeling or anything that feels abnormal, come and tell me. And then practice saying no. Children need permission to say no. Stop. I don't like that. Don't touch me. I'm telling my mom. Practice that out loud with your kids. Now, will they enjoy this? No.
: Will they?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Will teenagers roll their eyes? Yes. But you need to put them in a situation where they actually say those things out loud and practice saying no. Because what we find in most cases is that when a child shows that bit of resistance, they, it's protective for them. An abuser is going to think twice and going to see, oh, maybe this is going to be more difficult than I thought. But no abuse is ever a child's fault. So I want to make sure I Make that clear. Help your children identify safe adults in your circle. Who are the grownups in your circle? Who do you feel like is safe? Who could you go to? Who is your safety, safety team? And keep that safety team pretty small. These are the safe adults in your life, adults that you know and that you, you feel like you know really, really well and trust and tell them if anyone ever touches you, talks to you, shows you pictures that seem inappropriate, make you feel uncomfortable, or asks you to keep a secret of any kind, even if it's someone we love, even if it's someone we know and we think we trust, you are never, never going to be in trouble for telling me. You will never be in trouble for telling me that. And repeat that often because this isn't just one conversation. It's hundreds of little conversations. And that is really difficult.
Children often communicate through their behavior, so we need to watch for behavioral signs
Now moving from prevention to respond to children who have experienced abuse, that can be really hard. And one thing we need to know as adults is that children often communicate through their behavior. Behavior long before they communicate through their words. And many times as a healthcare provider, I'll see children who have behavioral outcries. Their behavior changes because they don't tell. They think maybe it's their fault. They love the offender because those boundaries, that trauma bond is real. They fear what's going to happen if they tell. They feel embarrassed, they think they'll be punished. They think they might break up their family. They don't understand what's happened or they've been threatened, or they just have a trauma response. Freeze, flight, fight or fawn, which is a newer trauma response that we're recognizing that sometimes kids can be overly pleasing to try to please the adult in their life and feel safe. That is important. And they internalize responsibility for what happened that they never ever deserved. So we need to watch for behavioral signs. That doesn't mean that all of these behavioral signs are, always signs of abuse, but it should be something that, that we consider, that we open the door to conversation. For if your child is suddenly extremely anxious and they weren't anxious before, if they have regression in their behaviors, they're acting more childish than their age or than they were before. If they're having nightmares or accidents at night, or if they're having behavior that's way beyond their developmental age, they're, they're using sexualized conversation or words, or they're withdrawing from people. They're afraid of certain people, they're aggressive, having trouble at school, showing signs of depression, experimenting with self harm, running away, changing in their Eating, not sleeping well. All of these things are behavioral manifestations that I have seen in practice that can be sometimes associated with abuse. None of them prove it for sure, but they all deserve compassionate. Carry out curiosity, what's going on here? Because if a child tells you that first response really matters, stay calm, believe them, listen. Because children very, very rarely make a false report. Say things like, I believe you. I'm so glad you told me. You did the right thing. This is not your fault. I'm going to work to keep you safe. Not. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Are you sure? Or what were you, what were you wearing? Why didn't you stop it? What happened exactly? Go through the details. Don't interrogate or do an investigation yourself. Just know that you need help in that. Ensure they're safe, seek medical care if it's needed and if there's anything that needs to be reported. Obviously we. You have to think about if you're a mandated reporter. But any abuse always needs to be reported. So make sure you know what are your state laws, what are the people, the resources in your circle in that specific circumstance that you could report to and, and get some help. That is really, really important and really with a gospel perspective, a gospel senate centered perspective. Abuse steals innocence and that is a tragedy. That is a tragedy that I will grieve until the day I die. I really will. But it never steals dignity. It doesn't change their the fact that children are made in God's image. They deserve protection. And families can be places where truth is wealth welcomed and shame is removed and healing begins because darkest darkness survives in secrecy. But healing begins in the light. Don't wait for the perfect time. Just start having that conversation. Just open the door to conversation. Teaching body safety and encouraging conversation. Children are made in the image of God. They are beautiful. They are so precious and worthy of protection.
There is increasing sadistic online exploitation. This is something I'm watching
Now the last thing that I want to tell you about really quickly, before I have. I'm going to tell you something good. We're going to end on a good note today. I promise that one of the things that is really important to look at that is coming online and I'm seeing more and more of and I'm going to give another disclosure here. Listener advisory. This is really hard to listen to, but you need to know it. There is increasing sadistic online exploitation and we're seeing major organizations report that and that is highly organized online communities that deliberately manipulate children into often abusing each other in severe forms of abuse. This is something I'm watching And then I'll be talking about more. But we are seeing abuse escalating. So now is the time to protect your kids, to have conversations and to equip them for that and a good way. I promised you we'd end on a good new good note.
This week is national Truth for Youth Bible Week
Note. This week is national Truth for Youth Bible Week. And that is what kids need. They need the truth of God's word. They need the hope of heaven. They need the hope of an eternity where God is going to make all things right in a way that maybe we don't understand on earth, but we're seeing that through the truth for Youth Bible Week. We want you to help us give away thousands of free Bibles to young people across America. AFR has partnered with Revival Fires International to provide, provide hope for teens, especially as they return to school. So if you are, if you don't have kids going back to school, this would be a great way to minister. Or if you do, you can minister to the kids and your kids peers. You can help us reach a generation of young people and get the word of God back into schools through the distribution of popular truth for youth Bibles, for teens across our nation. And as Christian young people are reaching their, their peers for Christ, we see that revival is happening. Everyone I'm talking to who works in these kinds of youth industries, on college campuses, on school campuses for see with the poll for Moms in Prayer International, they are telling me that God is on the move. Now Revival Fires International is giving one free truth for Youth Bible to every student between the ages of 13 and 18, 18 who promised to pass it along to a friend for this, this school year. And the Truth for Youth Bible is the entire New Testament. It is in a full color comic form that is very popular and easy for kids to read. That still is true to the gospel. And over 1 million truth for youth have been already given away. Truth for youth Bibles have been given away in the past 25 years. As a result of that project, thousands of young people have received christ more than 30,000 young people in the last 25 years. Now I told you we would end on a positive note. We would end with good news. And that is certainly good news. Our goal this year is to get 65,000 Bibles into the hands of teens. Now you can order the Bible on behalf of your son or daughter or teens can even call and get one if they would like. You can also order large quantities of this Bible and look, listen, they are giving them for $2 each. That is absolutely incredible. There's two ways you can do this. You can go to tfy.org you can order online anytime 247 or you can call a phone number that I'm going to give you here. Now. This is between 8:30 and 4 Monday through Friday. It's 800-733-4737. That's 800-733-4737. And we have a lot of great shows coming up where we're going to talk again about See you at the pole We'll talk about Moms in Prayer International.
Take a moment and go pray over school supplies this weekend
But I encourage you for now, as you're walking in the stores and everywhere we are those people who like to celebrate Christmas after Thanksgiving. You're it's we're not yet to the Christmas Day decorations. Still the school supplies. Now all the children groan when they walk in.
: Oh, no.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It means we're going back to school. I encourage you just to take a moment and go pray over those supplies. Pray over the paper, the pencils, the marker, the erasers, the backpacks, the lunchbox. Each one of those is going to be used by a real human being who was made in the image of God and deserves love and support and care. And you can be a part of their journey by praying for the supplies before they even get them. Pray that God will bless them and keep them and make his face to shine upon them m and be gracious to them and give them peace and that he will give them safety. I encourage you to do that as I pray that over you. Pray that over the kids by praying over their school supplies. Hey, I'll see you right back here on Monday. Have a great weekend.
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Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
American Family Radio thanks sponsor, Preborn for supporting pro life advocacy
Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection and the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello
: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And it is fry.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yay.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It is almost one of the last Fridays of the summer. I cannot believe this year is going so quickly. Maybe that's just amazing thing but it seems like everyone I'm Talking to says 2026 is just speeding by. But the good news is it's not too late to jump into our healthy habits journey. We started this back in January, so if you're new, just join in right here or go back in the beginning and listen to any Friday show. Or you can also find the Dr. Nurse Mama coaching minutes which is just a one minute version of the Friday show. And it is in these daily disciplines that I believe God blesses us and that God really equips us to best serv serve our families. And it's in those daily mundane interactions that healthy relationships are built. And I am convinced that there is no challenge that we cannot face without a healthy family by our side. That doesn't mean this world's going to be perfect. And this world is far from perfect.
We spent all summer talking about media and I transitioned out of that last week
And that leads us to the topic for today. Now I want to give you a listener advisory and let you know today's topic is really tough, but I really encourage you not to tune out. It's something that we need to talk about. And as we've moved through the habits, we've talked about four core spiritual disciplines. We talked about six rhythms that your family needs, communication skills. We spent all summer talking about media and I transitioned out of that last week talking about tech safety. And we're moving into a safety series. And today we're talking about something called body safety. Now, that may be an unfamiliar term and something that sounds strange to you, but really what we're talking about is how can you be your child's protector that I know you know how to do. And there's a lot of talk around the language that we use to best equip kids, because that's one of the problems with abuse is that often don't have the language to explain what has happened to them. They don't have the language to say, make an outcry, a disclosure. And so we need to, especially in today's world, when prowlers are on the loose, they are seeking our children. There are predators, there are really bad actors out there on the Internet world, But God does not give us a fearful spirit. Spirit call us to have a fearful spirit. He calls us to be faithful. And I'm going to equip you today and how to talk to your kids about body safety, how to be their protector, how to watch for signs of abuse. And again, I know this can be a really tough thing to talk about, especially for those of you who may have abuse in your own background. And I encourage you, if that is you, to seek a healing journey, whatever that may look like for you, whether that is talking to a counselor or just seeking help and healing from that experience that has happened, because that is something that's really important for us to do in order to best serve our children for our own health, for our family health, for our children's health. And every parent, every grandparent, every person who is taking care of a kid, we want to believe, like, oh, that would never happen to us. That's kind of our protective mechanism. And we imagine danger as something that happens in dark parking lots. This is often something that I see in my own community on, on social media many times. Tag me if there's a post that goes something like, hey, I just. I don't usually post stuff like this, but I had something really scary to me happen to me. Usually they'll describe a big store or a parking lot and what is very likely a bad actor following them around or making them feel uncomfortable threatening them in some way. Usually that's connected to human trafficking from the poster, although that's not usually how human trafficking works. And I have talked about that at length. That's my primary work as a professor. But we want to imagine, the truth is, if we're really honest, we want to imagine danger in that way because it's very easy to see. It's. We can recognize that kind of danger. We know how to act. We know when something looks suspicious in person when we're in that situation. And we can act to protect our family. And we can teach our children avoid strangers and hold our hands Crossing the street and wear a bike helmet and all of these things that keep them safe. But really, one of the greatest threats to children's safety today is often the conversation that families are not having, and that is the risk of abuse, and particularly that's happening online. Although we have seen leaps and bounds forward, especially in Christian communities, talking about abuse, reducing the stigma and the shame that's related to disclosures of abuse very unfairly, we still have a long way to go. And child abuse really remains one of the most underreported crimes in America. And I know from looking at the research as a professor, that what happened, especially during COVID was that abuse likely increased while reporting likely decreased because children had their safety nets removed. They weren't in those places where they could make an outcry, especially if abuse was occurring in their own home. Now, it's important to know that abuse crosses every socioeconomic level, every demographic you can think of, every denomination, every everything. There is no child who is immune to abuse. And that can feel really scary. But the reason that we need to think that is because. Because we need to really realize that it can happen to any child. So every child needs protection. We don't need to adopt false assurances like, okay, that's. That. That's a problem, but it's not a problem here. Abuse really thrives in silence and secrecy. And it's not because parents don't love their kids. It's just because we don't see it often and we don't know how to prepare them. And one of the gifts that God gave children is that they're naturally trusting. This is great because they're going to trust their parent, but they can also TR bad actors. Their brains are still developing. They depend on adults to find what is normal and safe. And offenders. Predators know this. And you better believe that they are using every element of technology available to them to try to exploit that. Grooming doesn't begin with abuse. It begins with trust and secrecy and gifts and attention and secret relationships and confusion. And many kids really view these experiences as normal. And many kids who even experience abusive behavior don't immediately tell someone. And many never disclose in childhood at all. Why is this. Why is this happening? Well, there are a lot of reasons, actually. As I mentioned before, a lot of times children lack the vocabulary to describe what happened to them. They don't know the words for their body parts or the things that happen to them. They don't understand what happens. They may have been manipulated into feeling like they participated. It was their fault. Or they fear getting someone into trouble. They fear that no one will believe them. And sometimes they carry shame that they don't even really understand why they feel that way. So today's program, I'm going to emphasize, again, I am not going. I'm not designing this to create fear in your heart. I really want to create confidence. Because research consistently shows that prevention, education, open family communication, and trusted adult relationships, these are effective strategies to reduce vulnerability and increase the likelihood that children will disclose abuse earlier. And it can prevent abuse from occurring in the first place. Now, we cannot possibly eliminate every danger. And that's why layered protection is so important. A layered strategy, meaning communication, meaning also physical safeguards, meaning relational safeguards, meaning boundaries for curfew and things like that rules. All these. All these safeguards that are in place, they can't prevent. Nothing is foolproof, but they can dramatically increase protection. And that is primarily through, again, education, connection, and conversation.
One in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse before the age of 18
And that's really what we'll talk about today and talk about body safety. Now, we used to say good touch and bad touch. And one of the bad things about that, the unintended side effects, is that when we say bad touch, it, what children believe many times is that if you say you experience bad touch, it means they were bad, they were bad in some way, they behaved badly, they are bad, whatever that is. So that's why we move to safe and unsafe touch. Did that touch make you feel safe? Is it a hug from your parent? Is it a handshake? Is it a high five from your coach? Those are all forms of safe touch. Anything that's unsafe, and we'll talk about what that is. But it made you feel unsafe. It is not your fault that happened. And this can't just be one awkward conversation. It's gotta be a lifelong culture of safety that really begins in those early toddler years and even to some extent in infancy, and goes throughout childhood. And these conversations are built on truth and trust and grace, because protecting kids begins long before the danger appears. And so often we're reactive. We see something unsafe, our kids experience something unsafe. We're like, oh, my gosh. And push the panic button. And don't you know this? And don't you do this and that kind of thing? But really, I want to encourage you to look at prevention as a relationship strategy, not a lecture. So before we teach about prevention, we got to understand what we're preventing. Because abuse isn't always violent. It begins subtly. And sometimes kids don't realize that it is abuse. But child abuse is More common than most people realize. And sadly for me as a pediatric nurse, I know this. The statistics tell us that approximately 1 in 4, 4 girls. That's 1 in 4 and 1 in 13 boys, which we believe that number to be higher because there's more stigma and shame often when boys are reporting abuse. So we believe that they are, are less likely to report. But that's one in four girls. One in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse before the age of 18. And more than 90% of children. I want you to listen to this. More than 90% of children who are sexually abused know the person harming them, meaning it is not a stranger. This needs to reshift our strategy because so often we focus on stranger danger and we imagine it to be a stranger because we can't imagine that someone in our trusted circle would violate our trust and abuse our child. But that is the majority of the cases. Most offenders are trusted adults or they are older youth. I have had other guests talking about the rise, and I know it's really hard to talk about. Again, watch those younger ears who may be listening. But child on child abuse, we see children seeing things in explicit images or videos and then acting those out because children are designed to imitate or copy adults. That's what they do from a young age when they copy mom and dad doing whatever they're doing around the house or, you know, sweeping or mopping or vacuuming, which are great things to copy. We want our kids to copy that, but not, obviously abusive behavior. But most offenders. Again, trusted adults, older kids, relatives, coaches, babysitters, family, friends, authority figures, someone who is in their circle of influence. And children rarely disclose immediately. And that is really the norm rather than the exception. It's not typical for kids to experience something and then come right home and tell you about it. But sometimes they will tell you something that feels off. And we just, we think, oh, that person, oh, no, you don't need to worry about that. We dismiss it too quickly. We need to have an attentive radar and give every feeling, of discomfort the attention that it deserves so we can talk about what abuse is. It's not okay for someone to physically abuse you. That means hitting you, shaking you, you know, any kind of physical injury. That is not okay. And then we need to talk to them about what is sexual abuse. And that can be hard to do. You're going to, you need to use vocabulary that is appropr. But I'm talking right now, especially starting in the later school age, preteen and Teenage years, you're going to tell them it's not okay for someone to touch you. A lot of times we think that's just what abuse is. But there are other ways. It can be exposing, an adult, exposing themselves. It can be looking at them voyeurism, it can be making them or exposing them to explicit images or video. It can be coercing them online or sextortion, which I've talked about many times in the past. Ah, really extort kids for explicit images or videos and telling them you need to pay me money or I'm going to post these or I'm going to tell someone those kinds of things. And that is important for people to know. And grooming is often mistaken for kindness. It is a deliberate process that predators use to gain access to a child and it also reduces the likelihood of disclosure because it's very easy to get a child to keep keep a secret. So that's one thing that we should be looking for. We want adults in our kids lives who are healthy, but if they are really giving them a lot of special attention or excessive gifts or asking them to keep secrets, that is one thing that you can do right away is tell your kids you are not allowed to keep any secrets. There are some things that are confidential, but nothing is secret. Talk to them about the different difference between secrecy and confidentiality. And if any adult ever asks you, if any adult ever asks a child if they can keep a secret, you say, no, I cannot. I'm not allowed to keep secrets. I don't keep those from my parents. And they're gradually crossing boundaries, isolating, testing their reactions and building dependence on them. That those are warning signs to talk about that can be unhealthy. When we come back, talk about how this happens online and how to best protect your kids. We'll be right back.
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Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nursemama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give friend we're living in a defining moment today. A woman facing an unexpected pregnancy can order the abortion pill online, often before anyone has the chance to tell her she is loved, that she's not alone, or that there is hope. That's why you are needed right now. You were made for this moment at preborn Network clinics, mothers are welcomed with compassion, practical support and a free ultrasound. And when she sees her baby and hears that tiny heartbeat for the very first time, fear often gives way to hope. In fact, more than 80% of abortion vulnerable women choose life after seeing their baby on an ultrasound at a preborn Network clinic. That one moment can save a baby's life and open a mother's heart to the hope of Jesus Christ. This is our moment to stand for those who cannot speak for themselves. Just $28 provides one life saving ultrasound. $140 helps rescue five babies Please don't wait. Dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. If you're a business owner, would you consider a larger donation to claim a write off? Your best gift would be appreciated. A stand alone gift of $15,000 will sponsor an ultrasound machine for a needy clinic helping to save countless babies lives for years to come. All gifts are tax- deductible. Together we can save lives one heartbeat at a time. Time preborn.com/AFR
The Cross by Anne Wilson and Chris Tomlin: who told you Grace can't reach the has the devil made you believe the lies he tells are true? When you're sure that you're the one who's wander too far off it's not too late Just come home to the cross Come see Savior's love that would die to make you new Nothing you have ever done can change mercy done for you and if you ever wonder if you were so great a cause look up and see the cross.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is the cross by Anne Wilson and that is the hope that we have today.
We need to shift from stranger danger to really boundary awareness for kids online
We're talking about a tough topic. I want to give you a listener advisor again. Make sure that you have those little ears protected. This is a message that's really important but needs to be delivered in a developmentally appropriate way. It is Friday. We're talking about healthy habits. We're in our safety series and we're talking about body safety, which really is how do we teach our kids to recognize signs of abuse and report them? And how do we be our kids protectors? Right before the break I was talking about grooming, which is a process that many predators use to groom a child into a relationship of secrecy and to normalize experiences of abuse. And it is tragic every time it happens. Now this happens in person. It also happens online. Today's offender does not need physical proximity to our children. It only needs an electronic connection. Now that can happen through gaming platforms, through social media, messaging apps, live streams, AI generated manipulation which we're seeing child predators use AI technology to create chatbots that will groom children. We see that through photo requests or private chats, any interaction that your child has on an electronic platform could potentially create an exposure for abuse. And children often believe when they are talking to an adult online, they may be just talking to another peer. It's very easy to accept that when they present themselves as a peer. So we've got to go beyond stranger danger and teach smart safety instead of just being afraid, just getting online and feeling afraid, having our kids get online and feel afraid. Because for decades, many of us grew up hearing that one simple message, don't talk to strangers. Well, I had one, one kid tell me one time in practice. You know, my, my mom told me never talk to strangers. But all I see her doing is using apps to call strangers to come to our house for rides, having strangers come to our house to deliver dinner, having str. Strangers come to our house to deliver packages, having strangers meeting up on Marketplace, shall we say meeting strangers to exchange stuff. We are giving kids mixed messages. We're telling them, don't talk to strangers while we're talking to strangers all day long. And while this is well intentioned, this message has unintentionally left many families with a false sense of security. Because we think we have control and we don't. It, suggests that danger comes primarily from people that children don't know. But as I said, the evidence tells a very different story now. Even when they're meeting strangers online, that very quickly feels like it's not a stranger. I've gamed with them every day for weeks now. That's not a stranger, that's a friend. So what a kid views as a stranger and what an adult views as a stranger, especially online, can be really, really different. And that's important. We've got to shift from stranger danger to really boundary awareness. We need to teach our kids that safety. Safe people will respect your boundaries. Whether that is a boundary on, this is my gaming time. These are my physical boundaries. Whatever. Relationship, boundary, family rule, boundary, safe people, respect your family boundaries and your personal boundaries. That's a key message that you can give to your kids. Safe people respect your boundaries, regardless of how familiar it seems that they are. And parents ask like, how, how could I know? And the truth is, most offenders don't look suspicious, especially to kids. They often appear exceptionally kind and helpful and charismatic and invested in kids. And offenders will work hard to become the adult everyone trusts. That's often how it works. And they know that if they earn the confidence of the parents, it is easier to gain the confidence of the child. Now we see these in a lot of public reports that have happened of abuse and wide scale things that have happened. This is the pattern that we see over and over again. And one of the things that we need to be alert as Christians is that predators often seek church environments because they know that church people are more trusting and if they can speak the spe, the walk the walk and talk the talk, and it seems like, oh, they have such a thriving relationship with the Lord they could never. But there is a level of deception there that now this means that we don't need to be looking for a predator behind every pew, but we do just need to be just as on guard and keep the same boundaries no matter where our kids are. Watch for those patterns of behavior. Rather than trying to identify the per. Or the offender or, or the predator, we need to watch for those patterns of behavior that violate healthy boundaries. If it makes your kid feel uncomfortable, you need to tell them, if any adult ever puts you in a situation or says something or does something that makes you uncomfortable, always come and talk to me about it. Sometimes it's fine and they don't understand it. Sometimes it's not fine. One behavior alone may not indicate abuse, but multiple behaviors, multiple feelings of discomfort, multiple red flags, those deserve a second look.
If there are adults seeking alone time with children, red flag
Let's talk about some specific ones that you should, you should look at. If there are adults seeking alone time with children, they're offering private lessons, a ride home sleepovers, creating opportunities to isolate one child from the group. Red flag. Also playing favorites. If they give one kid excessive gifts or money, or give them special privileges that they're not giving to other kids or referring to that kid as my special buddy, my special friend, those are not appropriate adult child boundaries or relationships. Now sometimes it's hard because they can become indispensable to the family. They volunteer for everything. They are wanting increasing access. They're positioning themselves as, oh, I'm your go to helper. That is something that not again, not by itself. We all need friends like that. But if it's within a pattern of greater, concerning, behaviors, that's something that you should look at. Anytime that a child says that this crosses my physical boundaries, even if they don't use those specific words, they're using language that they have that could be tickling or wrestling, that doesn't stop or lap sitting with older children or long hugs, any of those kinds of things not appropriate. So you should define. A lot of times that's going to be different given the context. You need to define what is appropriate and what is not and have open conversations about that. I've talked about this before. It can be hard. Again, giving kids mixed messages where we tell them, you know, it's not okay for people to touch you if you don't want to be touched. Also, you must kiss Uncle Elmer on the lips when we see him at the family reunion. It's rude if you don't. Don't. It will hurt his feelings if you don't. Those are mixed messages. So we need to make sure that we're giving our kids control of their body and say, God gave you your body and it is okay for you to say no. Another big red flag is violating parental boundaries, encouraging kids to keep secrets. I tell my kids this all the time. No, you're not allowed to keep secrets. Or communicating privately with children, not with the parents on there, asking parents, trust me, but, but they resist accountability. And if they're testing the limits, they maybe say a joke that seems maybe a little inappropriate or very inappropriate, obviously that's not okay. Or if they are gradually increasing physical contact to kind of gauge the reaction, just any of those behaviors, using bad language. Those things are red flags you need to look at because it means that there is not a character, and behavioral alignment there. And one of the greatest mistakes that families make is assuming that just because we know somebody, they're safe. Familiarity is not the same thing as safety. So we need as healthy families to prioritize accountability. You can trust people, of course, but don't remove accountability. And that goes for anyone. So good adults are going to welcome transparency. Safe adults will welcome transparency. Healthy coaches don't mind if parents stay and watch the practice. Healthy youth leaders are going to welcome open door policies. Healthy babysitters don't object to check ins. Healthy mentors communicate through parents, not around them. And in contrast, someone who becomes irritated by boundaries that are certainly reasonable or insists that you just have to trust me, that could be a signal for an unhealthy dynamic. So trust is earned and accountability protects everyone, including, including trustworthy people, because it protects that person, that adult as well. So when, before you allow an adult significant access to your child, think about these kinds of questions. Are there at least two adults present during the activities? That's for your child's protection and for the adult's protection as well. Does this organization have written child protection policies? Do they do background checks? Are the staff and the volunteers trained on Abuse recognition and prevention. Are any private electronic communications with children prohibited? Can parents observe the activities at any time? Does your child seem comfortable around the person that they're, that they're exposed to? Does the adult respect your nose, your boundaries and your child's nose, your child's boundaries? And does the adult welcome transparency? Because organizations with strong child protection policies aren't demonstrating distrust, trust. This is wisdom. This is wisdom and accountability. And so instead of simply saying don't talk to strangers, we need to teach them. Safe adults never ask children to keep secrets from their parents. Safe adults don't break body boundary rules. Safe adults never make children feel responsible for an adult's feelings or behaviors. That is really important because they can feel, feel guilty or like they hurt an adult's feelings. That is not appropriate at all. And telling them what safe adults do instead of just telling them to avoid unsafe ones, that is how we're going to equip our children to recognize unsafe situations, whether it's a stranger or a neighbor or a relative or someone that they know who's in, in their circle. And these conversations can feel really uncomfortable because they challenge our deep assumptions that danger is outside our circle. But prevention, it is not about being suspicious of everyone. It's just creating a culture where boundaries are normal and transparency is expected and children know they can always tell you anything without feeling afraid or ashamed. We don't want to raise fearful children who are afraid of dangerous strangers. We want to raise faithful, confident children who feel like they are equipped to recognize danger and report it. It that's so important and we can tell them most adults are safe. That is true. And we don't. We, we just need to teach them discernment on how to look at that.
Online grooming can introduce an element of grooming to prepare a child for exploitation
Now let's talk about online, specifically the digital playground. We used to have the physical playground where we'd watch for strangers. Now we have a digital playground. And that is one of the biggest shifts that has happened in child abuse prevention over the past decade or so. And that means an offender can gain access online. And so how can this, this happen? Let me give you some more examples. I've talked briefly. Let me go into more detail. Online grooming, building trust and emotional dependence to prepare a child for exploitation. That just happens through any online relationship. any online relationship can introduce an element of grooming. It could be solicitation, asking a child to engage in explicit conversations or activities when they don't know what they're doing, doing sextortion, as I talked to you about, threatening to share images or information Unless that child sends explicit content or money or complies with the demands of the extortionist, it could be child sexual abuse material. Now you'll see this increasingly referred to in the media as csam. That's what it stands for. And it is abuse that's creating, possessing, sharing, coercing children into producing those, those things. It can be image based abuse, creating intimate images or taking intimate images that have been taken without the child's consent, or manipulating them as a deep fake. It can be exposure to pornography. It can be catfishing, where they're pretending to be another child or a safe adult, someone who is trusted so they can gain the child's confidence before exploiting them. Can be cyberbullying, human trafficking, privacy violations, financial exploitation. There are so many ways. And that's why the, the more limited access that you have electronically, the better. Although it's not realistic to be completely digitally free. And that's why boundaries, guardrails, transparency, safety are so important to have. And so when we look at that, those online behaviors, you're still, it doesn't matter, we can get overwhelmed and we're, and we think about all of those platforms and I think, and you may be even thinking, wait, what did she just say? Those words are unfamiliar to me. Catfishing and sextortion and deep fakes and all of those things, we get distracted by that. But the pattern of behavior is the same. It doesn't matter the technology, if we know the pattern of behavior, which we do, it's relationship before exploitation that most online offenders aren't going to begin that first interaction with an explicit abusive request. They begin by coming what the child feels like they need. They are going to compliment their appearance or their talents or their interest, or spend hours online playing games together, become that person that they feel like is the only person in the world who listens to them, who understands them. They're going to give them sympathy when they're upset, or they'll slowly move those conversations from the platform they found them on to a more private messaging app that's encrypted. And then they'll start to normalize secrecy. And children believe that they've made a friend. That's why instead of telling them all of this is bad, stay away from this. We need to tell them this is what good, healthy friendships look like and encourage them and instruct them in that way so that they can recognize when things are not unhealthy. And children again, they remain silent many times online because they're afraid if, if they tell you something weird happened. The first thing you're going to do is to take their device or they're afraid they'll be blamed. They think, oh, you an offender may exploit this and say you'll get in trouble if your parents find out or your parents are going to be so mad at you or maybe even no one will believe you or something more scary like I already know where you live. That's why we've got to teach healthy technology. I cannot emphasize enough delay smartphones and social media media as long as you possibly can. I've talked about that a lot on other shows. Until you feel like your child is ready to navigate that keep do all of those tech habits that we talked about tech transparency and accountability. Those are important tech tracking, tech free times, tech free zones. Talk to them about coming to tell you anything. You can always tell me anything because the most powerful protection I believe it's not software as much as it is relationship that is so important. We'll have so much more to talk about to encourage and equip you when we come back. See you right after this break.
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Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham: How I long to breathe the air of heaven where pain is gone and mercy fills the streets to look upon the one who bled to save me and walk with him for all eternity. There will be a day when all will bow before him. There will be a day when death will be no more standing face to face.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Hymn of Heaven by Phil Wickham. and I cannot listen to that song without getting tearful because I think about my sweet grandmother, my granny as I called her. And when she went to be with Jesus, I just felt like, oh, the world was so sad. And we do listen live in a sad, sad world. But I went to church and the first song that we sang was that song. And it gave me such hope. And in a world that is so broken and so dark and so desperate for a hope that is our hope. There will be a day when all things are made right. And I cannot wait for that day. But in the meantime, until then, God has equipped us with everything that we need to navigate this world. In this world, we will have the trouble. And one of those troubles that we have, one of the most heartbreaking things that we have and something that I've dedicated my life to as a professor is preventing abuse and trauma of children. And that's what we're talking about today. Not from a fear based way, but from a faith informed perspective. We're in our safety series of the healthy habits and today we're talking about being your child's protector. So let's recap and review what we've talked about about and so that you leave here feeling equipped and encouraged and empowered to be your child's protector.
Let's talk about body safety. Telling our kids that you are entitled to safety in your body
So let's talk about body safety. Telling our kids that you are entitled to have to having safety in your body. And what does that mean? It means they're safe and unsafe. Touch. It means safe touch is something that's appropriate, that makes you feel safe and unsafe. Touch is something that is not appropriate, that is not your fault, and you need to come and tell me anytime a ah touch feels unfamiliar, unsafe. So some body safety principles are teaching the correct anatomical names of body parts to kids. Now I know this can be controversial, but it's really hard when a kid is making an outcry and they don't have a name. And then you're getting into legalese and those kinds of things. But research shows children who know the proper names for their body parts communicate more clearly, they're taken more seriously and they have less confusion about what's happening to them. So we've got to normalize those words without embarrassing, embarrassment. Teach them, my body belongs to me and it's okay for me to say if something feels unsafe, I can set my body boundaries. Private parts are those parts that are covered by a swimsuit and no one should touch or look at or photograph or, or ask them to touch another person except to keep them healthy or clean. And you can say those specific people, whether that's a caretaker who's helping give them a bath, if they're of that age or if they're at a healthcare provider Check. You can talk through those things and, and really great healthcare providers are going to help you talk through those things as well. And it's only appropriate in certain contexts. And you need to tell them what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. Talk about those things. We need to teach consent early, saying, may I hug you? Would you rather wave? High five. Can I give you a fist bump? And re. Respecting children's healthy boundaries teaches them that theirs matter. And it tells them to listen to that inner voice when tells them that something's wrong.
Teach children the difference between confidentiality and secrets
Replace stranger danger, telling them, who are the safe adults in your life and how are safe adults supposed to behave? Safe adults are adults who help children without asking children to keep secrets. Unsafe adults ask children to keep things from their parents. Teach them the difference between surprises and secrets. Teach them the difference between confidentiality and secrets. There's some things that are confidential. Not everyone needs to know this. We're not keeping, keeping this a secret, but we're keeping this confidential. Between me and you and mom and dad, between me and your healthcare provider, between me and your teacher. Those are the only people who need to know that it's not a secret. It's confidential. But that is important. But surprises, because sometimes offenders will use surprises. Surprises are temporary fun. They're eventually told. Right? A, surprise is something that you're planning for somebody. A secret is meant to stay hidden, and it often creates anxiety. Healthy adults, safe adults do not ask children to keep secrets from their parents. We need to teach children to trust their gut, to trust that oh feeling. To trust that feeling that something's wrong, but I don't know exactly what it is. Sometimes their body recognizes the danger before their mind can understand it. So teach them if something feels confusing or scary scary or gives you a tummy ache or a weird feeling or anything that feels abnormal, come and tell me. And then practice saying no. Children need permission to say no. Stop. I don't like that. Don't touch me. I'm telling my mom. Practice that out loud with your kids. Now, will they enjoy this? No.
: Will they?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Will teenagers roll their eyes? Yes. But you need to put them in a situation where they actually say those things out loud and practice saying no. Because what we find in most cases is that when a child shows that bit of resistance, they, it's protective for them. An abuser is going to think twice and going to see, oh, maybe this is going to be more difficult than I thought. But no abuse is ever a child's fault. So I want to make sure I Make that clear. Help your children identify safe adults in your circle. Who are the grownups in your circle? Who do you feel like is safe? Who could you go to? Who is your safety, safety team? And keep that safety team pretty small. These are the safe adults in your life, adults that you know and that you, you feel like you know really, really well and trust and tell them if anyone ever touches you, talks to you, shows you pictures that seem inappropriate, make you feel uncomfortable, or asks you to keep a secret of any kind, even if it's someone we love, even if it's someone we know and we think we trust, you are never, never going to be in trouble for telling me. You will never be in trouble for telling me that. And repeat that often because this isn't just one conversation. It's hundreds of little conversations. And that is really difficult.
Children often communicate through their behavior, so we need to watch for behavioral signs
Now moving from prevention to respond to children who have experienced abuse, that can be really hard. And one thing we need to know as adults is that children often communicate through their behavior. Behavior long before they communicate through their words. And many times as a healthcare provider, I'll see children who have behavioral outcries. Their behavior changes because they don't tell. They think maybe it's their fault. They love the offender because those boundaries, that trauma bond is real. They fear what's going to happen if they tell. They feel embarrassed, they think they'll be punished. They think they might break up their family. They don't understand what's happened or they've been threatened, or they just have a trauma response. Freeze, flight, fight or fawn, which is a newer trauma response that we're recognizing that sometimes kids can be overly pleasing to try to please the adult in their life and feel safe. That is important. And they internalize responsibility for what happened that they never ever deserved. So we need to watch for behavioral signs. That doesn't mean that all of these behavioral signs are, always signs of abuse, but it should be something that, that we consider, that we open the door to conversation. For if your child is suddenly extremely anxious and they weren't anxious before, if they have regression in their behaviors, they're acting more childish than their age or than they were before. If they're having nightmares or accidents at night, or if they're having behavior that's way beyond their developmental age, they're, they're using sexualized conversation or words, or they're withdrawing from people. They're afraid of certain people, they're aggressive, having trouble at school, showing signs of depression, experimenting with self harm, running away, changing in their Eating, not sleeping well. All of these things are behavioral manifestations that I have seen in practice that can be sometimes associated with abuse. None of them prove it for sure, but they all deserve compassionate. Carry out curiosity, what's going on here? Because if a child tells you that first response really matters, stay calm, believe them, listen. Because children very, very rarely make a false report. Say things like, I believe you. I'm so glad you told me. You did the right thing. This is not your fault. I'm going to work to keep you safe. Not. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Are you sure? Or what were you, what were you wearing? Why didn't you stop it? What happened exactly? Go through the details. Don't interrogate or do an investigation yourself. Just know that you need help in that. Ensure they're safe, seek medical care if it's needed and if there's anything that needs to be reported. Obviously we. You have to think about if you're a mandated reporter. But any abuse always needs to be reported. So make sure you know what are your state laws, what are the people, the resources in your circle in that specific circumstance that you could report to and, and get some help. That is really, really important and really with a gospel perspective, a gospel senate centered perspective. Abuse steals innocence and that is a tragedy. That is a tragedy that I will grieve until the day I die. I really will. But it never steals dignity. It doesn't change their the fact that children are made in God's image. They deserve protection. And families can be places where truth is wealth welcomed and shame is removed and healing begins because darkest darkness survives in secrecy. But healing begins in the light. Don't wait for the perfect time. Just start having that conversation. Just open the door to conversation. Teaching body safety and encouraging conversation. Children are made in the image of God. They are beautiful. They are so precious and worthy of protection.
There is increasing sadistic online exploitation. This is something I'm watching
Now the last thing that I want to tell you about really quickly, before I have. I'm going to tell you something good. We're going to end on a good note today. I promise that one of the things that is really important to look at that is coming online and I'm seeing more and more of and I'm going to give another disclosure here. Listener advisory. This is really hard to listen to, but you need to know it. There is increasing sadistic online exploitation and we're seeing major organizations report that and that is highly organized online communities that deliberately manipulate children into often abusing each other in severe forms of abuse. This is something I'm watching And then I'll be talking about more. But we are seeing abuse escalating. So now is the time to protect your kids, to have conversations and to equip them for that and a good way. I promised you we'd end on a good new good note.
This week is national Truth for Youth Bible Week
Note. This week is national Truth for Youth Bible Week. And that is what kids need. They need the truth of God's word. They need the hope of heaven. They need the hope of an eternity where God is going to make all things right in a way that maybe we don't understand on earth, but we're seeing that through the truth for Youth Bible Week. We want you to help us give away thousands of free Bibles to young people across America. AFR has partnered with Revival Fires International to provide, provide hope for teens, especially as they return to school. So if you are, if you don't have kids going back to school, this would be a great way to minister. Or if you do, you can minister to the kids and your kids peers. You can help us reach a generation of young people and get the word of God back into schools through the distribution of popular truth for youth Bibles, for teens across our nation. And as Christian young people are reaching their, their peers for Christ, we see that revival is happening. Everyone I'm talking to who works in these kinds of youth industries, on college campuses, on school campuses for see with the poll for Moms in Prayer International, they are telling me that God is on the move. Now Revival Fires International is giving one free truth for Youth Bible to every student between the ages of 13 and 18, 18 who promised to pass it along to a friend for this, this school year. And the Truth for Youth Bible is the entire New Testament. It is in a full color comic form that is very popular and easy for kids to read. That still is true to the gospel. And over 1 million truth for youth have been already given away. Truth for youth Bibles have been given away in the past 25 years. As a result of that project, thousands of young people have received christ more than 30,000 young people in the last 25 years. Now I told you we would end on a positive note. We would end with good news. And that is certainly good news. Our goal this year is to get 65,000 Bibles into the hands of teens. Now you can order the Bible on behalf of your son or daughter or teens can even call and get one if they would like. You can also order large quantities of this Bible and look, listen, they are giving them for $2 each. That is absolutely incredible. There's two ways you can do this. You can go to tfy.org you can order online anytime 247 or you can call a phone number that I'm going to give you here. Now. This is between 8:30 and 4 Monday through Friday. It's 800-733-4737. That's 800-733-4737. And we have a lot of great shows coming up where we're going to talk again about See you at the pole We'll talk about Moms in Prayer International.
Take a moment and go pray over school supplies this weekend
But I encourage you for now, as you're walking in the stores and everywhere we are those people who like to celebrate Christmas after Thanksgiving. You're it's we're not yet to the Christmas Day decorations. Still the school supplies. Now all the children groan when they walk in.
: Oh, no.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It means we're going back to school. I encourage you just to take a moment and go pray over those supplies. Pray over the paper, the pencils, the marker, the erasers, the backpacks, the lunchbox. Each one of those is going to be used by a real human being who was made in the image of God and deserves love and support and care. And you can be a part of their journey by praying for the supplies before they even get them. Pray that God will bless them and keep them and make his face to shine upon them m and be gracious to them and give them peace and that he will give them safety. I encourage you to do that as I pray that over you. Pray that over the kids by praying over their school supplies. Hey, I'll see you right back here on Monday. Have a great weekend.
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We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion. And every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies lives. Will you join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR the views and
Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
It's Ask Dr. Nurse Mama Friday! Jessica talks about this week's healthy habit of being your child's protector. She focuses on recognizing the signs of abuse and how to cultivate healthy communication.
Chapters:
(00:00) American Family Radio thanks sponsor, Preborn for supporting pro life advocacy
(01:48) We spent all summer talking about media and I transitioned out of that last week
(09:09) One in 13 boys experience child sexual abuse before the age of 18
(15:26) A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast
(18:17) We need to shift from stranger danger to really boundary awareness for kids online
(23:28) If there are adults seeking alone time with children, red flag
(29:29) Online grooming can introduce an element of grooming to prepare a child for exploitation
(34:10) Why not join the growing number of people who trust American family news for timely, accurate information?
(37:33) Let's talk about body safety. Telling our kids that you are entitled to safety in your body
(39:21) Teach children the difference between confidentiality and secrets
(42:24) Children often communicate through their behavior, so we need to watch for behavioral signs
(46:21) There is increasing sadistic online exploitation. This is something I'm watching
(47:16) This week is national Truth for Youth Bible Week
(50:14) Take a moment and go pray over school supplies this weekend
(51:21) Preborn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion
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