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Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. Listen, don't go anywhere. We have so much, such an important message for all of the men who were listening today. Today's program is for the guys. I know sometimes it can feel like we talk about a lot of topics that are for the ladies, but today we are talking about biblical manhood. You don't want to miss it. But before I get to my guest, let me remind you of a couple of important things. This is the last week to register for the Hannah's Heart Women's Conference that is coming up very soon next weekend in Tupelo, Mississippi. And we are giving you a 50% off registration if you call in or if you will go to the Internet and Register now. That's afr.net/hhc2026 that's Hannah's Heart Conference 2026. Of course, Hannah's Heart is a beautiful radio ministry here at American Family Radio that walks with families through issues of infertility, miscarriage, child loss. But this conference is for any woman in any walk of life and I hope that you will go. It's going to be January 30th and 31st and just go online, use that discount code, HOPE50. Or if you call AFA or email them or however you usually contact them, somebody will help you find that information. The second thing I have to tell you, which is really exciting, is this is our preborn emphasis week. We are talking about ministering to moms and unborn babies. We'll dive into this really deep on Thursday. But we are trying to save 5,000 babies. And your gift of $28 provides one woman who is seeking an abortion, a ultrasound and gives a mom an opportunity to to choose Life. So call 877-616-2396 and you can make your donation and contribute to our Campaign and our goal to reach funding for 5,000 ultrasounds. That's 877-616-2396. Or you can go to afr.net and you will see the link to donate there online.
Charles Spurgeon asked where is the man for the day in 1888
All right, now let's get to our guest because I have been looking forward to this conversation while now, Charles Spurgeon said in 1888, he asked this question, here is the day for the man. Where is the man for the day? And more than a century later, it may be an even more urgent question. We are living in a cultural moment where men are receiving conflicting messages at every turn. I know I'm a mom of boys who are young adults. I am seeing this. I'm seeing this live, seeing them live this out, trying to navigate this. On the one hand, masculinity is often portrayed as toxic, dangerous, outdated. But on the other hand, men are told, hey, be a strong leader, be a protector, be a provider, be a moral anchor, be a leader for your family. But without a clear definition or maybe example of how to do that well. And I have heard from many men, I've heard m from many women who talk about their husband's struggle, being caught between passivity and pressure, silence, shame, all ah of the things.
J. Josh Smith calls men to reject spiritual passivity in biblical manhood
And into this tension steps my guest today, pastor and author J. Josh Smith. He is the senior pastor of Prince Avenue Baptist Church with his new book from B H Publishing, which I have right here. The man for the day answering the call to godly manhood. And he draws inspiration from the life of Elijah and is calling men to reject spiritual passivity and step into God's design. Not cultural masculinity, but biblical manhood. I can already hear the Amens coming from the choir. We're talking about Bible believing, sin hating, spirit filled, spirit filled, gospel proclaiming men who are ready and willing to be used by God. Today, Josh, that is a pretty, pretty big expectation here. Welcome to the show. I cannot wait. Now my listeners can see why I've been so looking forward to this conversation.
J. Josh Smith: Well, me too. Your intro got me excited.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So good.
J. Josh Smith: Thank you. I'm excited myself.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Josh, introduce yourself to our listeners. Tell them a little bit about you, how you came to know the Lord and how he placed this message on your heart that you're here to give to us today.
J. Josh Smith: Yeah. So I am, a pastor right outside of Athens, Georgia, where the University of Georgia is. So we have an opportunity to administer to a lot of college students. I'm married to my wife Andrea. We have five children, four girls, all in a Row and then one boy at the end. We didn't keep trying for the boy, but it was a nice gift, so it's been fun. I actually would have been fine with the fifth girl. I love being a girl, dad. but that boy was, was fun. People ask me sometimes, why, if you have all these girls, why do you write books for men? And I says, because I have all these girls, like, I've got to raise up some godly men. At least four of them.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's right.
J. Josh Smith: For these girls. So, yeah, came, to the Lord in, In high, school and just really grateful for God's providence in that. And, spent some time overseas after college as a missionary, came back, got married, and been a local church pastor since then. So I'm just a local church pastor that has spent the last 20 or so years just kind of slowly, systematically investing in men is one of my priorities. I'll tell people I don't love men's ministry, but I ministry to men. I, really love ministering to men. And I've kind, of felt like over the years that needs to be one of my key priorities, particularly in the moment in which we're living. As you mentioned, Jessica.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, I'm a mom of four. I've got two girls and two boys, and I worry more about my boys than I do about my girls. And. And my husband said the same thing that you did. He. He loves being a girl, dad. He thinks that it is such a gift to him. Softens the rough edges around him a little bit, keeps him a little restrained. But there is something really special about the bond that my husb with my sons. And I'll be honest with you, Josh, I do not always understand it. I really don't. I don't understand how they communicate. I do know that when my girls went off to college, most of our conversation revolved around what meat are we going to eat, what sport are we going to watch, and what sport are we going to talk about while we're eating meat? Like, it's just pretty much that. But, you know, I've heard their conversations on a deeper level about the challenges that are facing men today and the competing cultural messages. And I hear from the boys in my house and from boys all over that they're just exhausted. They just feel spiritually, physically exhausted from having all of these expectations, competing expectations, and they don't know where to begin. So let's just start at the beginning with that quote that I got from you that you got from Spurgeon. About the M. Man for the day. What is that? Where do they even start?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, so, a few years ago, I wrote a book called the Titus 10 Foundations for Godly Manhood. So basically, what I was trying to do in that book is just set a strong foundation to have the basic conversations that I honestly didn't get. One of my convictions is, I think we. We often disciple young men, but we don't talk to them about manhood. We talk to them about how to follow Jesus. But manhood is a different conversation. And Solomon, had it with his son. That's the whole point of the first few chapters of Proverbs. But we don't seem to be having those conversations. as a matter of fact, earlier at the end of last year, we, released the Titus 10 for teen boys. So a specific Bible study just for teen boys to lay foundation for manhood. So after that, I really was asking the question, well, what's next? How do we build on that foundation? And I was looking at kind of what I'm sensing at the men around me, and as I travel and speak, the men that I'm ministering to and just really realizing there's a lot of men that feel really defeated, really discouraged. I think they feel really inadequate in a lot of areas of their life. They're hiding a lot of shame and a lot of discouragement and a lot of defeat. I think a lot of the men's ministry in the past told them they were idiots and they believed it. And so there's a lot of that going on. There's also a lot of overwhelming expectations to, be something, to do something. So the goal of this next book, the man for the Day, was basically to just look at guys and kind of calm them down a little bit, say, all right, let's stop thinking about all of the big things, and let's think about what it means to be the man God wants you to be today. one of the things we talk a lot about in this book is let's worry less about distance and more about direction. So we don't want to constantly be thinking about how far I can get and what I can do, even what I want to see happen with my kids and my family business. All of that to think, instead of a simpler question, what does it mean for me to be the man God's called me to be today? And if I'll take care of that, the, Lord will take care of the rest.
How do you navigate expectations from culture and biblical manhood?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let's talk about this idea of competing expectations, because we have some expectations from culture. You mentioned one of those portraying. It was popular for a while in popular culture and still is to some extent, to portray men, especially dads on sitcoms, as idiots. You know, they're just dumb. They don't know anything. But then you have. Even within the church, you have this cultural expectation of women expecting their husbands to be, you know, Mr. Darcy from, you know, Pride and Prejudice or One time. I know my husband looked at me and he said, you do know that I'm not Jesus, right? Like, I cannot meet all of your emotional needs. I cannot live up to this expectation. You have to just create this perfect world for you. And I say that tongue in cheek, but, you know, a lot of women are honest. We have that expectation. We have that dream, that idealized version. How do you start to navigate that cultural divide that's there and really drive down to what is biblical manhood and making those realistic expectations?
J. Josh Smith: No, that's. Those are really great questions. And I just talked to a man about two weeks ago who, you know, had. Didn't grow up in a really great home and wasn't sure what to do. And he's got a wife that grew up in a great home, and he's trying, and she never thinks he's doing good enough. And, I don't know who's right in that conversation, but I know that he's feeling exactly like you said, I'm trying, but it doesn't seem to be anything's good enough. So, again, I'll go back to this. I think we did miss teaching young men, at least in my generation, what manhood is. And so you get a bunch of guys who get married and they don't even have a basic understanding of manhood. In my. In my book, the Titus 10, the first chapter is on dominion. So what does it mean to work and what does it mean to keep, and what does it mean to be a protector? And we're just. We skipped those basic conversations. I had a great dad who loved me well and talked to me about a lot of things, but we never talked about this. And so what you have is a combination of men who have no idea what manhood looks like. And if. If they do have any idea, they may think it's only provision. And a wife is going to say, hey, I'm thankful you provide, but I. I need more than provision. I need some leadership and some encouragement and help and all that kind of stuff. So you've got, like, expectations from a wife and then an absolute obliviousness of men who have no idea what this means. So I, I think just starting the conversations with men, which is my passion to say, all right, let's, let's talk about basic manhood. Let's kind of forget about. And I think it's important for a little bit to forget about all that cultural says about who you should be. What does the Bible say about, about a man? What does that mean? So that was the point of, the book, the Titus 10. Like, let's just, let's set a basic framework. And I'm amazed as I teach this, how many older men are looking at me going, why didn't anybody ever tell me this? Like, why didn't, why did no one ever tell me? So men don't know. And so I think it's important for wives to be patient and help them know that they don't know. They really don't know what it means. so there is a massive disconnect there.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let's, let's try to make that connection here.
J. Josh Smith: Guys struggle with Coming home grumpy. That's a big one
I have two questions, two follow up questions for you on that. The first is can you help women listening, me included, give us a lay of the land, give us some, some perspective. Because I know there are a lot of men who go home and they try to explain to their wives, this is how I feel. But there's so much emotion involved there. You're an objective third party. Talk to us about what are you hearing from men? What do women need to understand? What are we missing in all of this? What is it that would help, help us to, to level set that expectation and to open a conversation that might be productive?
J. Josh Smith: Wow. Goodness gracious. Those are great questions. I, I would say one of the things I've discerned, I think women, most wives just want to see some progress. Like, let's see some steps in the right direction. so, you know, again, going back to what I said a minute ago, I think direction matters more than distance. So my responsibility every day is to be moving in the right direction. But I do think if wives would see some progress, some change, some little things. And so I think, a husband asking consistent questions about what can I do in small ways, ah, practically, specifically, to be a better husband to you and to be a better father. And she may say, pray with me or read your Bible or be less grumpy when you come home. That's a big one. I hear that a lot. just be less grumpy. It's funny, I talk about that all the time because I think guys just struggle with Coming home grumpy. And, that determines the, the way the house feels the rest of the night. So just some conversation, some recognition from a guy, some humble recognition. Listen, I don't know exactly how to be the man God's called me to be, but I want to be. can you give me any, just a couple of thoughts on what you need? So I think guys need the help of their wives, and wives need some probably practical, simple, clear. Here's a couple of things you could do that would help. But it's not a wife's job to teach her husband how to be a man. He, she's got to be learning that from his local church. He's got to be learning that from reading these things and having these conversations with others. And so if his, if his thought is, well, I'm just going to wait for my wife to tell me how to be a godly man. That's kind of an unfair expectation.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a really helpful starting point, I think. I think men do not understand the power that they have in setting the atmosphere of their home. I think they underestimate the power that they have. Because honestly, Josh, you know, I can be grumpy at home and my kids are like, okay, that's mildly annoying, even maybe a little bit funny. But if dad's grumpy, that just really changes the energy. And that can be said in the positive way, too. When we come back, Josh, I want to talk to you about how do we fix that disconnect? For guys that haven't had those conversations with their own fathers or with people in the church, how can we start a healthy conversation about biblical manhood? Hey, we'll be right back with more from man for the Day by J. Josh Smith. See you on the other side of this break.
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J. Josh Smith: Christian men want to aspire to biblical manhood
Christ is Risen by Tenth Avenue North: Christ is. Risen from the dead Trampling over death by death. Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave Christ is risen from the dead. We are one with him again. Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Christ is risen by Tenth Avenue North. And that's what we're talking about today. We're calling men to awaken, maybe from a slumber that you're in or maybe just from floating along. I'm talking today to J. Josh Smith. He's an author, a pastor, a father, a husband. He's written a book called the man for the Day, Answering the Call to Godly Manhood. And we were just talking, Josh, before the break about this disconnect that men want to aspire to biblical manhood. Christian men do, but there's often a disconnect. You talked about how you had a great father but didn't necessarily have conversations about this. And I think that's, a probably a hard barrier. Women are much more attuned to this. We can call and say, you know, I want to. I can call a friend and say, I want to be a better mom. Can we just get together for coffee once a week and just talk about our motherhood journeys? I don't see guys doing that and, and saying, hey, I want to be, you know, I want to. To answer the call to biblical manhood and figure out what that is, and can we talk about that? Where do you even start when you're looking for community and you're wanting to start on that journey?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, you're right. I mean, that's not intuitive, I don't think, necessarily for guys. But I do think what we're seeing is what happens in a culture when no one's having that conversation. I mean, what happens in a culture? What happens in families when guys are not having that conversation? I'm a listen. I'm a Bible study guy. Like, I love Bible studies, and I love to preach, and I preach expositionally. And just like, I'm very committed to the Bible. At the same time, I'm also committed to saying, at some point, in the midst of all of our Bible studies, we have to stop and have conversations about manhood. We don't just get this. We don't just figure it out accidentally. And so I know it's not intuitive for guys, but most guys recognize they don't know what it means to be a man. Like, they really don't know what needs to be a man. And it's not just being an outdoorsman. And I say in my book that my dad, didn't know how to fix a transmission or change oil or skin a deer, but he was, like, one of the most manly men I knew. And I wondered why. And the reason is because he had really manly character. Like, he had a really godly character. But even as good as a daddy was, we never. I don't remember one question, one conversation about biblical manhood. We talked about shining my shoes, which I'm still committed to. We talked about firm handshakes. We talked about standing up when someone approaches you and looking in the eye and being confident. That's just. That's good. But that's manners. That's not necessarily manhood. So at some point, guys just have to say, I don't know what this means, and then they got to start pursuing it. and like we said before the break, it's unfair to think it's the wife's responsibility to tell her husband how to be a man, and she should absolutely tell him how to improve and things that he can do better around the house. But it's not her job to grow him up and to help him be a man. Every man has got to decide for themselves. I'm going to figure this out, and there's ways to do it. That's why I wrote these two books, to make sure that men in community can have basic conversations about what it means to be a man.
Some men feel restrained by political correctness
Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, on the other side of that coin, Josh, I think there are some men, and I know I've had conversations with my husband about this, who feel restrained. They see the family under attack. They see these cultures. Attacks, and they feel a primal urge to protect, to rise up, to fight in some way, but yet feel restrained in some ways by political correctness or by, you know, what they should or shouldn't do or what's appropriate or what's not appropriate or, you know, just this cultural narrative that's going on. I know that's been a source of tension and frustration, among the young men that I've been around. You know, of course, my. I have Two sons who are young adults and so they bring friends around. We have these conversations and I hear this frustration, frustration feeling like I want to act, but there's this fear that, okay, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I'm canceled? What if, you know, this is not the right way to do. What do you say to those men who just feel like I want to do something, but I'm tired of being told what to say, how to say it, where to say it, how do you navigate that tension?
J. Josh Smith: Sure, I would, that's a very good question. I would say a couple of things. your, your assessment of that is absolutely accurate. I think a lot of guys feel like they need a tiptoe around, manhood. Matter of fact, I make a joke sometimes that when we start talking about these things, we tend to look over our shoulders to make sure, like nobody's listening. Like, like we're not supposed to talk about these like, secretive things we're not supposed to talk about. But the first thing I would say is this. When you start to understand biblical manhood and you start to live that out where, where it's very self sacrificial, it's very giving, it's very other centered, it's, it's very gentle and loving, but at the same time strong. That that kind of manhood, that's biblical manhood is not the beating your chest type of manhood that we think of. Not manly bravado. There's actually a real self giving, sacrificing type of manhood. That is what God calls you to do. And I think once you start to understand that and step into that, but you start to understand that man, there are people out there who are desperate for this and I think even some of them wives or maybe women that might say, well, I don't know if I need this manhood, this kind of masculine manhood, if you understood it correctly. And biblically, I don't know of a lot of women that wouldn't appreciate a husband that was self sacrificial and giving suffering for his family, working hard at home, you know, working on his, his soul, which is a lot of what the man for the day is, is this idea of everyone around me is affected by my soul. Before the break, we talked about this. Like the condition of my soul and how I'm doing with the Lord is affecting everyone. So I talk a lot to men about the temperature of a man's heart determines the temperature of a man's home. And so working on your own heart and working on your own soul and being a better man, that, that coming out of you is the right thing. So all that to say, once you start to understand what biblical manhood actually is, I think some of those fears subside. The other side of it is it doesn't matter. Like your responsibility before God is to be the M man God called you to be. So if you can understand it accurately, then your responsibility is to live it out. Even if we end up in a culture where everything it means to be a godly man is disdained, we still have to be a godly man like that. That's not an excuse to not step into manhood. As a matter of fact, I would say it's even more of a reason to step into manhood. But just be clear, the kind of manhood God calls for is one that is appreciated often, by those around them. But even if it's not not, it's the way we have to live M.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I think that men need other men to have these conversations exactly like you're talking now. And I know, you know, my husband has had a, group of men who he prays with on a very regular basis and it has gone on for years and years. And they just text message each other, prayer request, hey, I need this. They pray for each other. And I have seen that that is just such a different interaction than I would have as a woman with other women. And they need that interaction. But you made a comment earlier, Josh, about hating men's minist but love ministering to men. And I've been listening and paying attention to some church leaders who have been somewhat critical of the, what they are calling and I've heard it referred to in lots of different ways, but the feminization of the church, making it, you know, easier for women to enter that environment, have those conversations and more difficult for men to enter that environment and have those conversations. Where are men supposed to find other men with a structure to talk about this? How can churches step in and really help?
J. Josh Smith: Help I do. So the reason I make that comment is that I don't love men's ministry, but I love ministry to men is because so much men's ministry seems to be event based, or forced accountability or forced honesty. It's just not stuff that I think most guys want to be a part of. and events don't cultivate men. They can be a great starting place. But what men need are a lot of what your husband has like relationships with other men. But their conversation does need to be Guided. and the reason I'm writing these resources is because I want to help guide these conversations. So I think the best thing a church can do is put, put guys in a context in which they're meeting together on a regular basis somehow, and give them space and time, give them a topic, things to talk about. So I've written two books for men. the man for the Day and the Titus 10. Both are intended to be. I mean, everybody can read it alone, but they're intended to be done in a group. And you're able, because of the content, to have conversations that you wouldn't have otherwise. I try to be very honest in the way I write and try to write things from my own experience that I think guys will resonate with. But I just think a lot of what a churches are doing for men is just, we're going to put this big event, ask everybody to come, we're going to say something. Well, then what's next? There's nothing next. And men need to be in environments where they can have conversations, but guided conversations. so, yeah, I think. I think there's men that are hungry for that and they're looking for that, but it is often hard to get them to commit to something like that. But you just got to keep pushing. You got to keep saying, hey, this is. We got to pay the price to become the men God wants us to be. And so let's step into this. The least you can do is be in a weekly meeting to talk about these things.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm so appreciative of churches who invest in that. When one of my sons went off to college, I went to go visit him and visit the church that he was in, and he was not going to miss m. The men's prayer breakfast that happened before the service. And so he's like, you. You just gotta find something to do, because I am not gonna miss meeting with this man. And I feel like, you know, from my experience, just watching my sons and my husband, once they find that connection, it's so valuable, it becomes an absolute lifeline because they have that kind of edification. That's just an encouragement. Because I feel like one thing that we don't do well as women sometimes is that, you know, we try to be. I. I have this conversation with my husband all the time. I'm. I was like, oh, I'm your helper that doesn. Criticizer. You know, I'm here to critique everything that, you know, I want you to do differently. And, we're. We need we can be more encouraging in those small steps. And I think there's a lot of men who are out there listening right now who are thinking, okay, yeah, this is me. We're. We're in January of 2026. The year is a blank slate. There are men who probably thought about this, thinking, what can I do differently in this year? What would you say, Josh, is a good starting point for them who are listening saying, yeah, this is resonating with me. Where do I even start leading with integrity and purpose at home, at work, in my community? What do they do right now?
J. Josh Smith: No, that's a great question, and it's exactly the reason I wrote this book.
Most men would be more motivated by hearing some affirmation, Josh says
And I want to say something, too, about what you mentioned about just being critical and those things are. That's a really good conversation to have. You know, I think almost this is a common thing to say, but almost every man, all he wants is for his wife to look him in the eye and say, I love you. I'm proud of you. You're doing a good job. Like, something like that. Like just some affirmation. What I would say to this, to the. To the ladies that are listening, listening, anytime they notice any attempt from their husband to. To be better and to do better, man affirmation goes a really long way. Like, noticing the little things. And most men would be more motivated by hearing some affirmation. even the small, hey, thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing whatever it may be. Most guys get really motivated that I know by just, hey, I tried. And she noticed. And so now I'm going to try more, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna to. I'm going to do better. So, you know, we're pretty simple. It's like giving a dog a treat, right?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Like, that's what m. My husband says. Yeah, he's like, just walk me, feed me, you know, rub my belly. Like, pretty simple.
J. Josh Smith: Not that complicated. But a lot of little affirmation goes a long way of guys trying to do things. So, But you say, you know, where does a guy start? And so I wrote this book, the man for the Day. And the whole goal in writing this book was to encourage men to start with the simple things today. So I don't. If I start thinking about how far I am from the man I need to be and all of the things in my past that have kept me from being the man, like, all the. If I think about all of that stuff, which it's good to think about that at some point, man, I just feel More discouraged, and I feel more defeated and more overwhelmed. So my job, my primary job is to walk with God today. Is to, is to, is to be a godly man today. And so get up and do the right things today. Because, because none of men, aren't made quickly, women aren't made quickly. Like, we don't become godly quickly. We become this way over a long period of doing the right things over and over. So my affirmation to guys all the time is, hey, do what you know to do is the right thing today. Get up in the morning, read your Bible, get up in the morning, spend time with God. love your wife. Well, like, just get your soul healthy. Be the man God's called you to be today. That's the heart between this entire book. How can I today be the kind of man that's moving in the direction of the man I want to be eventually?
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a quote that caught my eye. The quote from your book is to become the man God wants us to be. We must continually make the moment by moment choices to head in the direction of Jesus. And you're right, Josh. I think that's really encouraging for men who maybe look at the long game where they want to be, where they want to end up. But just making. What's the next thing to do, the next right thing in the next five minutes, in the next hour today, what do I have to do? That is something you can wrap your, you can wrap your mind around.
A man can't walk in authority until he learns to walk under authority
And the other really thing that popped out to me about your book is you emphasize in here that a man can't walk in authority until he learns to walk under authority. What. Why is that so foundational?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah. So this is one of those things where we tend to be afraid to talk about manhood. And what does it mean to be a man who walks in authority? Meaning, my recognition that my family is my responsibility. I'm going to stand before God and how I love my wife and my kids. So there is an authority there and to make sure my kids are doing what they're supposed to do and all of those things. But first I have to be a man under authority. So I have to live surrendered to the lordship of Christ being the man God's called me to be. And if you want to get, you know, an obnoxious, abusive man, it's a man who tries to walk in authority without being under authority. So my first job every day is to get under the authority of Jesus Christ. Christ. So I belong to Christ. I'm his man. I'm m not my own man. I'm his man. So I start this book with a chapter on surrender. What does it look like to be a surrendered man? So I exist today for the Lord Jesus Christ. He calls the shots. I want his spirit to dwell in me. I want his spirit to flow out of me. And then I can be the husband, the father with strength and courage. I need to be under the understanding that, that I'm, God's man. And so what we don't want is a bunch of men out there saying I got to be stronger and grow bolder and more courageous and walk in authority without recognizing that my first job is to be under the authority of Jesus Christ, submissive to him. His spirit is what I want. I want to bear his fruit. I want his gentleness and kindness and I want his strength and his zeal. But I have to walk under his authority before I can walk in any good authority.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Josh, I think the encouraging thing about all of that is it goes back to what you were just talking about. It goes back to basic spiritual disciplines. There is no life hack, no magic cure. It's all about getting up in the morning, starting your day with prayer, reading your Bible, walking a community with other believers in a church, in a local Bible believing church. These are the building blocks. But I do believe, and I have seen in my own life, Josh, that God blesses those little steps of obedience and he blesses them beyond what we could ask or imagine heading in that right direction. God is going to walk right there with you and bless that. Well, listen, the book is called the man for the Day. Answering the Call to Godly Manhood with J. Josh Smith. I know this is a conversation that needs to be happening around dinner tables tonight. Get a copy of this book for the man in youn Life and we'll see you after this break. The AFR app is a powerful tool, but it does have limitations. You can't use it to change the oil in your vehicle or get rid of carpet stains. It won't walk the dog, won't pick up the dry cleaning or take the kids to practice. But while you're doing those things, you can listen to your favorite AFR content through the app on your phone, smart device or Roku. Just go to your app store or visit afr.net Listen to AFR wherever you go with the AFR app.
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Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West: When you've cried and you've cried Till your tears run dry? The answer won't come and you don't know why? And you wonder if you can bow your head Even one more time? Don't stop praying? Don't stop calling on On Jesus name? Keep on pounding on heaven's door? Let your knees wear out the floor? Don't stop believing? Cause mountains move with just a little faith? And your father's heard every single word you're saying? So don't stop praying.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West. And I'm asking you not to stop praying for the men in your life. Especially today, we are talking to all the guys. I'm with pastor and author J. Josh Smith. he is author of the book the man for the Day, Answering the call to godly Manhood. I'm so encouraged. And Josh and I were just talking during the break about how encouraged we are to see this young generation. I was sharing. I had. I talked to a lot of college aged guys over the break with my son and his friends and, and just coming and going and the visiting that was happening. I am so encouraged to see what God is doing. And you know, you hear me talk a lot about how I don't want to give Gen Z, Gen Alpha, the generation that's being born right now as we speak. Behind them, pessimistic messages about how this is a terrible time to be alive. And I see this generation as having courage to talk about their feelings, to talk about what God is doing in their life to talk about their spiritual journeys in ways that previous generations maybe were more reserved about. And Joshua sharing the same thing. Josh, I would love you to share that encouragement because in a way world where we are addicted to the doom scroll, we could sure you some good news.
J. Josh Smith: No, I'm, I'm very encouraged. you know, I, I had a major publisher tell me, about six or seven years ago that the only reason they're still in business is because of women's Bible Studies, Men's Bible studies, which is true. I mean, like men's Bible studies don't sell and no one's buying them. But they're seeing that change. More and more pastors are calling, saying, I need something for men. I think pastors are waking up to the reality that they can't ignore the men any longer younger and the men are dying and they're not doing anything about it, and they can't look past it. But I'm in a college town, so we're right here by the University of Georgia. We have 500 college students on Sunday morning. I could not be more encouraged by what I'm seeing in this generation. And every generation has their deficiencies. I mean, our generation does like every generation does. So it's easy to point out that kind of stuff. I mean, this is like people who exist to point out the negative in everything. we don't need that, more of that, that. But there are some real positives. This generation is willing to do hard things, like, like I haven't seen before. They're, they're. I mean, the amount of students that are going on mission trips and, just doing those kind of hard things are willing to sacrifice. They care a lot less about material things, than my generation does. They care a lot less about their retirement and all of those things. They're motivated by other things. So when you start talking to the young generation about true godly manhood, I am seeing them absolutely eat it up, like they love it. As a matter of fact, I, When I wrote the book a few Years ago, the Titus 10, the student team, was on the call when we were publishing it, and they said, yeah, we're going to pass on this. Well, they came back to me a year and a half ago and said, oh, we got to do it. We have to do a teen version of this because we're getting more and more calls from churches that want to know how to raise up young men. And so we did a teen version of that book. But I'm telling you, I am very encouraged, Jessica, by what I'm seeing in a young generation of men. And let me tell you something else that's neat. They want to be around older men.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes, yes.
J. Josh Smith: They want to talk to older men. They. They. If. If an older men will invite five or six younger guys into a conversation, about manhood that they are all in. I think sometimes the impetus needs to be on the young man to initiate the relationship. It's a little more awkward from an older guy, say, I want to spend time with you. But if a young guy in the church goes to an older, wiser man and say, would you meet with me? Me? First of all, it gives purpose to the older man. It thrills him because he thinks he's done, and the young men are dying for it. So I'm encouraging young guys all the time. You see an old guy in the church that you want to be like, just ask him to hang out with you. He'll probably even buy your lunch.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, absolutely. I think that is so encouraging, Josh. I hear the conviction in your voice. I hear the excitement and the optimism in your voice, and that's something that we need. And I do think that's something that older generations can learn from the younger generations. And by the way, shout out to all the young women out there who I have conversations with all the time saying, I am looking for a godly guy. Listen, they do exist. You just heard that. Keep praying, keep looking, keep preparing for that season of life. It's really exciting. That's another great thing about this generation, Josh, is that they have a return to traditional values. They value marriage. They are looking at that relationship as something to invest in, to prepare for. And that is encouraging to me. And one of the things that you talk about in the book is working from the inside out, like, not skipping the inner work, only focusing on, okay, what do I need to do? What is my behavior? Behavior? What is my performance? And I think this all ties into the younger generation because they are willing to talk about those heart issues much more than maybe in the past, where we talk about, okay, well, what do we need to do to find God's will? It's really, what is God doing in your heart and your soul?
Dr. Jessica Peck: How.
Dr. Jessica Peck: How can we learn from younger generations to talk more about that and look at the inner work that God is doing in our sanctification process?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, I mean, the whole. You know, the title of this book, the man for the Day, like, be the man God's called you to be, is really focusing less on what I'm doing for God and more, just becoming the man God wants me to be. And if I take care of that, I can trust the Lord with, with the rest of it.
The most important part of me is what's happening in my soul
John 7 has really affected me when Jesus said, if anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink, and out of him will flow rivers of living water. So the truth is, the most important part of me is the internal part. The most important part of me is what's happening in my soul. And if I want, want to live a life that matters, that influences others, if I want to live a life that blesses my wife, that blesses my kids, that blesses those around me, that has to come from an inside out, perspective. men don't usually function that way. We function outside. We just want to reform the outside and be better and do better. But I don't have any interest in that. Like, I, I want to develop men who are doing the hard work, of not just providing, but the hard work of making sure their soul is healthy. Healthy. They're dealing with sin, they're walking with integrity, their heart is clean, so they can be filled with the spirit. And then what happens is then as they're drinking heavily from the Lord, like they're consuming the things of God, then what they'll start to see is that flowing out of them is that. And that's what's going to bless others. I tell a story in the book, and we addressed this a little bit ago, that when my wife had kind of a come to Jesus conversation with me years ago, about my, like, sense of grumpiness and, like, coming home and saying negative things and those things, not intentionally, but kind of secondarily being about her. Like, if I'm complaining about the house or the finances, she feels that. But what I realized is that was coming out of lack of health in my soul. So, like, I was discouraged and defeated about a lot of things in my life. And so that's what comes out of me. So the solution to that was not for me to fake being happier, although that's not terrible all the time, but, for me to live from a better internal place, that's the better thing for me to do. So the work that needed to be happened was not just me reframing the way I function at home, but me reframing the way I spend time with God and say, I want to live from a healthier place. This entire book was written to help men live from that healthier place that will bear great fruit.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It's hard to do. My husband and I were having that conversation because he was talking about how he had an elevator system for his emotions. Like, if there's an emotion there, it's going to go on an elevator. And the elevator only goes down, down. Let's put that down to, like, level 32. Let's not deal with that. And he's told our kids, I'm an engineer and programmed to hurt your feelings. But, you know, it is. That's where it is really, beautiful to see that balance. I'm much more comfortable in talking about feelings, and I see those conversations happening between my husband and my sons, and that's something that I see in this generation.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So let's.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Let's camp there for just a second as we're finishing our time together. Josh, let's talk about that father son dynamic. You talked about having a great father, but not having conversation. There are fathers who are listening, whose sons are at home, who are craving that kind of conversation that you talked about. And the opportunity is ripe. However, as parents, we are not immune to the ways we've been acculturated to want instant gratification. We want to, you know, go and act like an, instant assistant. Like, can I help you with your problem? Okay, do this. All right, great. Is it fixed? Okay, let's move on. But recognizing that sanctification, even in ourselves, is messy. It's slow, it's back and forth.
What encouragement would you give to fathers and sons who have boys in their home?
What encouragement would you give to fathers and sons who have boys in their home right now still under their roof, still with so much opportunity?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, I would say, first of all, just start having conversations. I mean, again, I. It's awkward to talk about things, and it's offered. Awkward to bring up conversations and. But at some point, dads have to be willing to have hard conversations about things. And don't make it always about the doing. Doing. Make it about the being. Don't. Don't make it about. My concern is that you look like this externally, but my biggest concern is that you walk with the Lord. And the book of Proverbs is a great way to start, just to look at all those conversations between a father and a son, because that's what that book is, and it's helpful to everyone. But it is a book where a father has conversations with a son. And so I think just a willingness to have those conversations to spend not only just time together, but time where there's some. Some thoughtful conversations. And again, a lot of times that guy didn't know what to talk about. So the Reason I wrote these books, the Titus 10 and the man for the Day, is to help have those conversations. One of the things we're encouraging guys to do in our church right now is to for dad and son to both read these books together and then just meet once a week and have conversations so the dad doesn't have to do the awkward thing of, now we're going to talk about manhood. They're just reading a book. They're reading a book and they get together and they go out for a burger, and they just talk about it and have conversations. Here's the thing. Your son wants that. He wants that from you. And as hard as it is to do, the reality is he does want that, and he will thank you for the fact that you were just willing to have hard conversations with him, just talking about things. So, I don't know. I think just. If it's just reading a book together, doing something like that together anyway, a dad can step in and have those conversations is something that eventually the son will greatly appreciate.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I appreciate you saying that, because as parents, we do have to lean into that awkward. You know, sometimes you may get eye rolls, you may get, oh, dad, really? That's weird. You know, like, really, do we have to do this? But really, that is their protective mechanism. That's them feeling it out, saying, okay, this is new. This is different. Is this gonna stick around? Are you really serious about this? Am I safe to talk about this kind of thing? Where is this going to go? It's kind of like I always say, it's like this, Josh, you know, when. When our kids are in that difficult phase and it just feels like everything is conflict, and all of a sudden they come up to you and they're like, hey, Mom. Hey, dad. How are you doing? You know, your instant question is, what do you want? And our kids feel that same way, you know, when we're nagging on them. You know, get your homework. Come on. Why can't you do this? You know, and you're in that nagging phase, but then you feel guilty and you think, okay, I really need to have these conversations. You come up and say, hey, I want to have these conversations. They're like, what? What do you want? What is. What is the catch here? And I think sometimes you just have to lean through that. You just have to be pers. And show yourself to be trustworthy. Show yourself to say, I. I really am committed to this. I really do want to do this. They're looking for that trustworthiness. Do you see that in your kids.
J. Josh Smith: I do. And I think one thing we fail to realize too, is that, kids are human beings just like we are. I mean, we don't think about that. I mean, honestly, we don't. We expect them to, like, not mess up and not so giving a lot of grace and even having conversations like that. One of the things I feel like really breaks the wall down and the barrier. Barrier is when parents acknowledge their faults and parents acknowledge their sin. When parents will go to their kids and say, hey, my attitude yesterday was really bad, or, hey, I'm, you know, I've struggled with this. And those kind of things go a long way in breaking down some of those, some of those barriers. but I just think, you know, a willingness to, to recognize that our kids are making progress. And, you know, we talked about how a husband just wants some affirmation from his wife every once in a while. So does a kid. So we tend to get on to them for the five things they don't do, you know. Right. while at the same time there may be two or three things they did, you know, they did. Right. That we didn't mention. So look for those little positive things. When they have a. When they have an attitude that was good when they did something, just affirm that, like, crazy. Like, I often tell. Tell parents, like, for every. Every one critique, there needs to be five affirmations. and building that culture where I'm noticing the things you're doing, doing, and I'm really proud of you. So, you know, when, when Jesus was baptized, God the Father opened up heaven and said, you are my beloved son, in whom I'm well pleased. That right there is everything every kid wants from their dad. They want to know, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm glad you're mine. That's it. That's all they want to know over and over, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm glad you're mine. So as much as we can continue to speak those things and then take the moments to say, hey, but I want to talk to you about this. Let's talk about some of this attitude, negative things, but, man, just pouring out a lot of encouragement. Kids need that. They feel beat down just like all the other people around the world do.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So they do. And, we underestimate the power that we have in that positive affirmation. And sometimes I think I see dads and sons and it's very tempting for them just to compliment the behavior to praise the behavior, to praise the outcome. That was a great catch. That was a, you know, great performance that you had. That was a great grade that you made. But when you choose intentionally to praise their character traits, hey, you showed self control out there.
J. Josh Smith: There.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That was really hard to do. Hey, you showed determination. It would have been so easy to give up, to lose your temper, but you didn't. I am telling you, that is like it's, that is a superpower. That is a superpower that God has given parents. Josh, I thank you so much for giving us this encouragement today. The book is called the man for the Day, Answering the Call to Godly Manhood. J. Josh Smith, get this for the guys in your your family, start a dinner table conversation, whether that's in your house, whether that's guys in your community, guys at work, start the conversation today. And Josh, thank you so much again for the encouragement that you provided and for the message that you brought us for men and for casting a vision for biblical manhood and wherever you are. To all of the men out there and the women supporting them, to everyone everywhere, I pray that, as I always do, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
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Jeff Chamblee: Opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Preborn needs your help to provide affordable ultrasounds for pregnant women
Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection and the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello. And welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. Listen, don't go anywhere. We have so much, such an important message for all of the men who were listening today. Today's program is for the guys. I know sometimes it can feel like we talk about a lot of topics that are for the ladies, but today we are talking about biblical manhood. You don't want to miss it. But before I get to my guest, let me remind you of a couple of important things. This is the last week to register for the Hannah's Heart Women's Conference that is coming up very soon next weekend in Tupelo, Mississippi. And we are giving you a 50% off registration if you call in or if you will go to the Internet and Register now. That's afr.net/hhc2026 that's Hannah's Heart Conference 2026. Of course, Hannah's Heart is a beautiful radio ministry here at American Family Radio that walks with families through issues of infertility, miscarriage, child loss. But this conference is for any woman in any walk of life and I hope that you will go. It's going to be January 30th and 31st and just go online, use that discount code, HOPE50. Or if you call AFA or email them or however you usually contact them, somebody will help you find that information. The second thing I have to tell you, which is really exciting, is this is our preborn emphasis week. We are talking about ministering to moms and unborn babies. We'll dive into this really deep on Thursday. But we are trying to save 5,000 babies. And your gift of $28 provides one woman who is seeking an abortion, a ultrasound and gives a mom an opportunity to to choose Life. So call 877-616-2396 and you can make your donation and contribute to our Campaign and our goal to reach funding for 5,000 ultrasounds. That's 877-616-2396. Or you can go to afr.net and you will see the link to donate there online.
Charles Spurgeon asked where is the man for the day in 1888
All right, now let's get to our guest because I have been looking forward to this conversation while now, Charles Spurgeon said in 1888, he asked this question, here is the day for the man. Where is the man for the day? And more than a century later, it may be an even more urgent question. We are living in a cultural moment where men are receiving conflicting messages at every turn. I know I'm a mom of boys who are young adults. I am seeing this. I'm seeing this live, seeing them live this out, trying to navigate this. On the one hand, masculinity is often portrayed as toxic, dangerous, outdated. But on the other hand, men are told, hey, be a strong leader, be a protector, be a provider, be a moral anchor, be a leader for your family. But without a clear definition or maybe example of how to do that well. And I have heard from many men, I've heard m from many women who talk about their husband's struggle, being caught between passivity and pressure, silence, shame, all ah of the things.
J. Josh Smith calls men to reject spiritual passivity in biblical manhood
And into this tension steps my guest today, pastor and author J. Josh Smith. He is the senior pastor of Prince Avenue Baptist Church with his new book from B H Publishing, which I have right here. The man for the day answering the call to godly manhood. And he draws inspiration from the life of Elijah and is calling men to reject spiritual passivity and step into God's design. Not cultural masculinity, but biblical manhood. I can already hear the Amens coming from the choir. We're talking about Bible believing, sin hating, spirit filled, spirit filled, gospel proclaiming men who are ready and willing to be used by God. Today, Josh, that is a pretty, pretty big expectation here. Welcome to the show. I cannot wait. Now my listeners can see why I've been so looking forward to this conversation.
J. Josh Smith: Well, me too. Your intro got me excited.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So good.
J. Josh Smith: Thank you. I'm excited myself.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Josh, introduce yourself to our listeners. Tell them a little bit about you, how you came to know the Lord and how he placed this message on your heart that you're here to give to us today.
J. Josh Smith: Yeah. So I am, a pastor right outside of Athens, Georgia, where the University of Georgia is. So we have an opportunity to administer to a lot of college students. I'm married to my wife Andrea. We have five children, four girls, all in a Row and then one boy at the end. We didn't keep trying for the boy, but it was a nice gift, so it's been fun. I actually would have been fine with the fifth girl. I love being a girl, dad. but that boy was, was fun. People ask me sometimes, why, if you have all these girls, why do you write books for men? And I says, because I have all these girls, like, I've got to raise up some godly men. At least four of them.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's right.
J. Josh Smith: For these girls. So, yeah, came, to the Lord in, In high, school and just really grateful for God's providence in that. And, spent some time overseas after college as a missionary, came back, got married, and been a local church pastor since then. So I'm just a local church pastor that has spent the last 20 or so years just kind of slowly, systematically investing in men is one of my priorities. I'll tell people I don't love men's ministry, but I ministry to men. I, really love ministering to men. And I've kind, of felt like over the years that needs to be one of my key priorities, particularly in the moment in which we're living. As you mentioned, Jessica.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, you know, I'm a mom of four. I've got two girls and two boys, and I worry more about my boys than I do about my girls. And. And my husband said the same thing that you did. He. He loves being a girl, dad. He thinks that it is such a gift to him. Softens the rough edges around him a little bit, keeps him a little restrained. But there is something really special about the bond that my husb with my sons. And I'll be honest with you, Josh, I do not always understand it. I really don't. I don't understand how they communicate. I do know that when my girls went off to college, most of our conversation revolved around what meat are we going to eat, what sport are we going to watch, and what sport are we going to talk about while we're eating meat? Like, it's just pretty much that. But, you know, I've heard their conversations on a deeper level about the challenges that are facing men today and the competing cultural messages. And I hear from the boys in my house and from boys all over that they're just exhausted. They just feel spiritually, physically exhausted from having all of these expectations, competing expectations, and they don't know where to begin. So let's just start at the beginning with that quote that I got from you that you got from Spurgeon. About the M. Man for the day. What is that? Where do they even start?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, so, a few years ago, I wrote a book called the Titus 10 Foundations for Godly Manhood. So basically, what I was trying to do in that book is just set a strong foundation to have the basic conversations that I honestly didn't get. One of my convictions is, I think we. We often disciple young men, but we don't talk to them about manhood. We talk to them about how to follow Jesus. But manhood is a different conversation. And Solomon, had it with his son. That's the whole point of the first few chapters of Proverbs. But we don't seem to be having those conversations. as a matter of fact, earlier at the end of last year, we, released the Titus 10 for teen boys. So a specific Bible study just for teen boys to lay foundation for manhood. So after that, I really was asking the question, well, what's next? How do we build on that foundation? And I was looking at kind of what I'm sensing at the men around me, and as I travel and speak, the men that I'm ministering to and just really realizing there's a lot of men that feel really defeated, really discouraged. I think they feel really inadequate in a lot of areas of their life. They're hiding a lot of shame and a lot of discouragement and a lot of defeat. I think a lot of the men's ministry in the past told them they were idiots and they believed it. And so there's a lot of that going on. There's also a lot of overwhelming expectations to, be something, to do something. So the goal of this next book, the man for the Day, was basically to just look at guys and kind of calm them down a little bit, say, all right, let's stop thinking about all of the big things, and let's think about what it means to be the man God wants you to be today. one of the things we talk a lot about in this book is let's worry less about distance and more about direction. So we don't want to constantly be thinking about how far I can get and what I can do, even what I want to see happen with my kids and my family business. All of that to think, instead of a simpler question, what does it mean for me to be the man God's called me to be today? And if I'll take care of that, the, Lord will take care of the rest.
How do you navigate expectations from culture and biblical manhood?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let's talk about this idea of competing expectations, because we have some expectations from culture. You mentioned one of those portraying. It was popular for a while in popular culture and still is to some extent, to portray men, especially dads on sitcoms, as idiots. You know, they're just dumb. They don't know anything. But then you have. Even within the church, you have this cultural expectation of women expecting their husbands to be, you know, Mr. Darcy from, you know, Pride and Prejudice or One time. I know my husband looked at me and he said, you do know that I'm not Jesus, right? Like, I cannot meet all of your emotional needs. I cannot live up to this expectation. You have to just create this perfect world for you. And I say that tongue in cheek, but, you know, a lot of women are honest. We have that expectation. We have that dream, that idealized version. How do you start to navigate that cultural divide that's there and really drive down to what is biblical manhood and making those realistic expectations?
J. Josh Smith: No, that's. Those are really great questions. And I just talked to a man about two weeks ago who, you know, had. Didn't grow up in a really great home and wasn't sure what to do. And he's got a wife that grew up in a great home, and he's trying, and she never thinks he's doing good enough. And, I don't know who's right in that conversation, but I know that he's feeling exactly like you said, I'm trying, but it doesn't seem to be anything's good enough. So, again, I'll go back to this. I think we did miss teaching young men, at least in my generation, what manhood is. And so you get a bunch of guys who get married and they don't even have a basic understanding of manhood. In my. In my book, the Titus 10, the first chapter is on dominion. So what does it mean to work and what does it mean to keep, and what does it mean to be a protector? And we're just. We skipped those basic conversations. I had a great dad who loved me well and talked to me about a lot of things, but we never talked about this. And so what you have is a combination of men who have no idea what manhood looks like. And if. If they do have any idea, they may think it's only provision. And a wife is going to say, hey, I'm thankful you provide, but I. I need more than provision. I need some leadership and some encouragement and help and all that kind of stuff. So you've got, like, expectations from a wife and then an absolute obliviousness of men who have no idea what this means. So I, I think just starting the conversations with men, which is my passion to say, all right, let's, let's talk about basic manhood. Let's kind of forget about. And I think it's important for a little bit to forget about all that cultural says about who you should be. What does the Bible say about, about a man? What does that mean? So that was the point of, the book, the Titus 10. Like, let's just, let's set a basic framework. And I'm amazed as I teach this, how many older men are looking at me going, why didn't anybody ever tell me this? Like, why didn't, why did no one ever tell me? So men don't know. And so I think it's important for wives to be patient and help them know that they don't know. They really don't know what it means. so there is a massive disconnect there.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, let's, let's try to make that connection here.
J. Josh Smith: Guys struggle with Coming home grumpy. That's a big one
I have two questions, two follow up questions for you on that. The first is can you help women listening, me included, give us a lay of the land, give us some, some perspective. Because I know there are a lot of men who go home and they try to explain to their wives, this is how I feel. But there's so much emotion involved there. You're an objective third party. Talk to us about what are you hearing from men? What do women need to understand? What are we missing in all of this? What is it that would help, help us to, to level set that expectation and to open a conversation that might be productive?
J. Josh Smith: Wow. Goodness gracious. Those are great questions. I, I would say one of the things I've discerned, I think women, most wives just want to see some progress. Like, let's see some steps in the right direction. so, you know, again, going back to what I said a minute ago, I think direction matters more than distance. So my responsibility every day is to be moving in the right direction. But I do think if wives would see some progress, some change, some little things. And so I think, a husband asking consistent questions about what can I do in small ways, ah, practically, specifically, to be a better husband to you and to be a better father. And she may say, pray with me or read your Bible or be less grumpy when you come home. That's a big one. I hear that a lot. just be less grumpy. It's funny, I talk about that all the time because I think guys just struggle with Coming home grumpy. And, that determines the, the way the house feels the rest of the night. So just some conversation, some recognition from a guy, some humble recognition. Listen, I don't know exactly how to be the man God's called me to be, but I want to be. can you give me any, just a couple of thoughts on what you need? So I think guys need the help of their wives, and wives need some probably practical, simple, clear. Here's a couple of things you could do that would help. But it's not a wife's job to teach her husband how to be a man. He, she's got to be learning that from his local church. He's got to be learning that from reading these things and having these conversations with others. And so if his, if his thought is, well, I'm just going to wait for my wife to tell me how to be a godly man. That's kind of an unfair expectation.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a really helpful starting point, I think. I think men do not understand the power that they have in setting the atmosphere of their home. I think they underestimate the power that they have. Because honestly, Josh, you know, I can be grumpy at home and my kids are like, okay, that's mildly annoying, even maybe a little bit funny. But if dad's grumpy, that just really changes the energy. And that can be said in the positive way, too. When we come back, Josh, I want to talk to you about how do we fix that disconnect? For guys that haven't had those conversations with their own fathers or with people in the church, how can we start a healthy conversation about biblical manhood? Hey, we'll be right back with more from man for the Day by J. Josh Smith. See you on the other side of this break.
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J. Josh Smith: Christian men want to aspire to biblical manhood
Christ is Risen by Tenth Avenue North: Christ is. Risen from the dead Trampling over death by death. Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave Christ is risen from the dead. We are one with him again. Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is Christ is risen by Tenth Avenue North. And that's what we're talking about today. We're calling men to awaken, maybe from a slumber that you're in or maybe just from floating along. I'm talking today to J. Josh Smith. He's an author, a pastor, a father, a husband. He's written a book called the man for the Day, Answering the Call to Godly Manhood. And we were just talking, Josh, before the break about this disconnect that men want to aspire to biblical manhood. Christian men do, but there's often a disconnect. You talked about how you had a great father but didn't necessarily have conversations about this. And I think that's, a probably a hard barrier. Women are much more attuned to this. We can call and say, you know, I want to. I can call a friend and say, I want to be a better mom. Can we just get together for coffee once a week and just talk about our motherhood journeys? I don't see guys doing that and, and saying, hey, I want to be, you know, I want to. To answer the call to biblical manhood and figure out what that is, and can we talk about that? Where do you even start when you're looking for community and you're wanting to start on that journey?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, you're right. I mean, that's not intuitive, I don't think, necessarily for guys. But I do think what we're seeing is what happens in a culture when no one's having that conversation. I mean, what happens in a culture? What happens in families when guys are not having that conversation? I'm a listen. I'm a Bible study guy. Like, I love Bible studies, and I love to preach, and I preach expositionally. And just like, I'm very committed to the Bible. At the same time, I'm also committed to saying, at some point, in the midst of all of our Bible studies, we have to stop and have conversations about manhood. We don't just get this. We don't just figure it out accidentally. And so I know it's not intuitive for guys, but most guys recognize they don't know what it means to be a man. Like, they really don't know what needs to be a man. And it's not just being an outdoorsman. And I say in my book that my dad, didn't know how to fix a transmission or change oil or skin a deer, but he was, like, one of the most manly men I knew. And I wondered why. And the reason is because he had really manly character. Like, he had a really godly character. But even as good as a daddy was, we never. I don't remember one question, one conversation about biblical manhood. We talked about shining my shoes, which I'm still committed to. We talked about firm handshakes. We talked about standing up when someone approaches you and looking in the eye and being confident. That's just. That's good. But that's manners. That's not necessarily manhood. So at some point, guys just have to say, I don't know what this means, and then they got to start pursuing it. and like we said before the break, it's unfair to think it's the wife's responsibility to tell her husband how to be a man, and she should absolutely tell him how to improve and things that he can do better around the house. But it's not her job to grow him up and to help him be a man. Every man has got to decide for themselves. I'm going to figure this out, and there's ways to do it. That's why I wrote these two books, to make sure that men in community can have basic conversations about what it means to be a man.
Some men feel restrained by political correctness
Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, on the other side of that coin, Josh, I think there are some men, and I know I've had conversations with my husband about this, who feel restrained. They see the family under attack. They see these cultures. Attacks, and they feel a primal urge to protect, to rise up, to fight in some way, but yet feel restrained in some ways by political correctness or by, you know, what they should or shouldn't do or what's appropriate or what's not appropriate or, you know, just this cultural narrative that's going on. I know that's been a source of tension and frustration, among the young men that I've been around. You know, of course, my. I have Two sons who are young adults and so they bring friends around. We have these conversations and I hear this frustration, frustration feeling like I want to act, but there's this fear that, okay, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I'm canceled? What if, you know, this is not the right way to do. What do you say to those men who just feel like I want to do something, but I'm tired of being told what to say, how to say it, where to say it, how do you navigate that tension?
J. Josh Smith: Sure, I would, that's a very good question. I would say a couple of things. your, your assessment of that is absolutely accurate. I think a lot of guys feel like they need a tiptoe around, manhood. Matter of fact, I make a joke sometimes that when we start talking about these things, we tend to look over our shoulders to make sure, like nobody's listening. Like, like we're not supposed to talk about these like, secretive things we're not supposed to talk about. But the first thing I would say is this. When you start to understand biblical manhood and you start to live that out where, where it's very self sacrificial, it's very giving, it's very other centered, it's, it's very gentle and loving, but at the same time strong. That that kind of manhood, that's biblical manhood is not the beating your chest type of manhood that we think of. Not manly bravado. There's actually a real self giving, sacrificing type of manhood. That is what God calls you to do. And I think once you start to understand that and step into that, but you start to understand that man, there are people out there who are desperate for this and I think even some of them wives or maybe women that might say, well, I don't know if I need this manhood, this kind of masculine manhood, if you understood it correctly. And biblically, I don't know of a lot of women that wouldn't appreciate a husband that was self sacrificial and giving suffering for his family, working hard at home, you know, working on his, his soul, which is a lot of what the man for the day is, is this idea of everyone around me is affected by my soul. Before the break, we talked about this. Like the condition of my soul and how I'm doing with the Lord is affecting everyone. So I talk a lot to men about the temperature of a man's heart determines the temperature of a man's home. And so working on your own heart and working on your own soul and being a better man, that, that coming out of you is the right thing. So all that to say, once you start to understand what biblical manhood actually is, I think some of those fears subside. The other side of it is it doesn't matter. Like your responsibility before God is to be the M man God called you to be. So if you can understand it accurately, then your responsibility is to live it out. Even if we end up in a culture where everything it means to be a godly man is disdained, we still have to be a godly man like that. That's not an excuse to not step into manhood. As a matter of fact, I would say it's even more of a reason to step into manhood. But just be clear, the kind of manhood God calls for is one that is appreciated often, by those around them. But even if it's not not, it's the way we have to live M.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I think that men need other men to have these conversations exactly like you're talking now. And I know, you know, my husband has had a, group of men who he prays with on a very regular basis and it has gone on for years and years. And they just text message each other, prayer request, hey, I need this. They pray for each other. And I have seen that that is just such a different interaction than I would have as a woman with other women. And they need that interaction. But you made a comment earlier, Josh, about hating men's minist but love ministering to men. And I've been listening and paying attention to some church leaders who have been somewhat critical of the, what they are calling and I've heard it referred to in lots of different ways, but the feminization of the church, making it, you know, easier for women to enter that environment, have those conversations and more difficult for men to enter that environment and have those conversations. Where are men supposed to find other men with a structure to talk about this? How can churches step in and really help?
J. Josh Smith: Help I do. So the reason I make that comment is that I don't love men's ministry, but I love ministry to men is because so much men's ministry seems to be event based, or forced accountability or forced honesty. It's just not stuff that I think most guys want to be a part of. and events don't cultivate men. They can be a great starting place. But what men need are a lot of what your husband has like relationships with other men. But their conversation does need to be Guided. and the reason I'm writing these resources is because I want to help guide these conversations. So I think the best thing a church can do is put, put guys in a context in which they're meeting together on a regular basis somehow, and give them space and time, give them a topic, things to talk about. So I've written two books for men. the man for the Day and the Titus 10. Both are intended to be. I mean, everybody can read it alone, but they're intended to be done in a group. And you're able, because of the content, to have conversations that you wouldn't have otherwise. I try to be very honest in the way I write and try to write things from my own experience that I think guys will resonate with. But I just think a lot of what a churches are doing for men is just, we're going to put this big event, ask everybody to come, we're going to say something. Well, then what's next? There's nothing next. And men need to be in environments where they can have conversations, but guided conversations. so, yeah, I think. I think there's men that are hungry for that and they're looking for that, but it is often hard to get them to commit to something like that. But you just got to keep pushing. You got to keep saying, hey, this is. We got to pay the price to become the men God wants us to be. And so let's step into this. The least you can do is be in a weekly meeting to talk about these things.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm so appreciative of churches who invest in that. When one of my sons went off to college, I went to go visit him and visit the church that he was in, and he was not going to miss m. The men's prayer breakfast that happened before the service. And so he's like, you. You just gotta find something to do, because I am not gonna miss meeting with this man. And I feel like, you know, from my experience, just watching my sons and my husband, once they find that connection, it's so valuable, it becomes an absolute lifeline because they have that kind of edification. That's just an encouragement. Because I feel like one thing that we don't do well as women sometimes is that, you know, we try to be. I. I have this conversation with my husband all the time. I'm. I was like, oh, I'm your helper that doesn. Criticizer. You know, I'm here to critique everything that, you know, I want you to do differently. And, we're. We need we can be more encouraging in those small steps. And I think there's a lot of men who are out there listening right now who are thinking, okay, yeah, this is me. We're. We're in January of 2026. The year is a blank slate. There are men who probably thought about this, thinking, what can I do differently in this year? What would you say, Josh, is a good starting point for them who are listening saying, yeah, this is resonating with me. Where do I even start leading with integrity and purpose at home, at work, in my community? What do they do right now?
J. Josh Smith: No, that's a great question, and it's exactly the reason I wrote this book.
Most men would be more motivated by hearing some affirmation, Josh says
And I want to say something, too, about what you mentioned about just being critical and those things are. That's a really good conversation to have. You know, I think almost this is a common thing to say, but almost every man, all he wants is for his wife to look him in the eye and say, I love you. I'm proud of you. You're doing a good job. Like, something like that. Like just some affirmation. What I would say to this, to the. To the ladies that are listening, listening, anytime they notice any attempt from their husband to. To be better and to do better, man affirmation goes a really long way. Like, noticing the little things. And most men would be more motivated by hearing some affirmation. even the small, hey, thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing whatever it may be. Most guys get really motivated that I know by just, hey, I tried. And she noticed. And so now I'm going to try more, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna to. I'm going to do better. So, you know, we're pretty simple. It's like giving a dog a treat, right?
Dr. Jessica Peck: Like, that's what m. My husband says. Yeah, he's like, just walk me, feed me, you know, rub my belly. Like, pretty simple.
J. Josh Smith: Not that complicated. But a lot of little affirmation goes a long way of guys trying to do things. So, But you say, you know, where does a guy start? And so I wrote this book, the man for the Day. And the whole goal in writing this book was to encourage men to start with the simple things today. So I don't. If I start thinking about how far I am from the man I need to be and all of the things in my past that have kept me from being the man, like, all the. If I think about all of that stuff, which it's good to think about that at some point, man, I just feel More discouraged, and I feel more defeated and more overwhelmed. So my job, my primary job is to walk with God today. Is to, is to, is to be a godly man today. And so get up and do the right things today. Because, because none of men, aren't made quickly, women aren't made quickly. Like, we don't become godly quickly. We become this way over a long period of doing the right things over and over. So my affirmation to guys all the time is, hey, do what you know to do is the right thing today. Get up in the morning, read your Bible, get up in the morning, spend time with God. love your wife. Well, like, just get your soul healthy. Be the man God's called you to be today. That's the heart between this entire book. How can I today be the kind of man that's moving in the direction of the man I want to be eventually?
Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a quote that caught my eye. The quote from your book is to become the man God wants us to be. We must continually make the moment by moment choices to head in the direction of Jesus. And you're right, Josh. I think that's really encouraging for men who maybe look at the long game where they want to be, where they want to end up. But just making. What's the next thing to do, the next right thing in the next five minutes, in the next hour today, what do I have to do? That is something you can wrap your, you can wrap your mind around.
A man can't walk in authority until he learns to walk under authority
And the other really thing that popped out to me about your book is you emphasize in here that a man can't walk in authority until he learns to walk under authority. What. Why is that so foundational?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah. So this is one of those things where we tend to be afraid to talk about manhood. And what does it mean to be a man who walks in authority? Meaning, my recognition that my family is my responsibility. I'm going to stand before God and how I love my wife and my kids. So there is an authority there and to make sure my kids are doing what they're supposed to do and all of those things. But first I have to be a man under authority. So I have to live surrendered to the lordship of Christ being the man God's called me to be. And if you want to get, you know, an obnoxious, abusive man, it's a man who tries to walk in authority without being under authority. So my first job every day is to get under the authority of Jesus Christ. Christ. So I belong to Christ. I'm his man. I'm m not my own man. I'm his man. So I start this book with a chapter on surrender. What does it look like to be a surrendered man? So I exist today for the Lord Jesus Christ. He calls the shots. I want his spirit to dwell in me. I want his spirit to flow out of me. And then I can be the husband, the father with strength and courage. I need to be under the understanding that, that I'm, God's man. And so what we don't want is a bunch of men out there saying I got to be stronger and grow bolder and more courageous and walk in authority without recognizing that my first job is to be under the authority of Jesus Christ, submissive to him. His spirit is what I want. I want to bear his fruit. I want his gentleness and kindness and I want his strength and his zeal. But I have to walk under his authority before I can walk in any good authority.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Josh, I think the encouraging thing about all of that is it goes back to what you were just talking about. It goes back to basic spiritual disciplines. There is no life hack, no magic cure. It's all about getting up in the morning, starting your day with prayer, reading your Bible, walking a community with other believers in a church, in a local Bible believing church. These are the building blocks. But I do believe, and I have seen in my own life, Josh, that God blesses those little steps of obedience and he blesses them beyond what we could ask or imagine heading in that right direction. God is going to walk right there with you and bless that. Well, listen, the book is called the man for the Day. Answering the Call to Godly Manhood with J. Josh Smith. I know this is a conversation that needs to be happening around dinner tables tonight. Get a copy of this book for the man in youn Life and we'll see you after this break. The AFR app is a powerful tool, but it does have limitations. You can't use it to change the oil in your vehicle or get rid of carpet stains. It won't walk the dog, won't pick up the dry cleaning or take the kids to practice. But while you're doing those things, you can listen to your favorite AFR content through the app on your phone, smart device or Roku. Just go to your app store or visit afr.net Listen to AFR wherever you go with the AFR app.
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Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West: When you've cried and you've cried Till your tears run dry? The answer won't come and you don't know why? And you wonder if you can bow your head Even one more time? Don't stop praying? Don't stop calling on On Jesus name? Keep on pounding on heaven's door? Let your knees wear out the floor? Don't stop believing? Cause mountains move with just a little faith? And your father's heard every single word you're saying? So don't stop praying.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That's Don't Stop Praying by Matthew West. And I'm asking you not to stop praying for the men in your life. Especially today, we are talking to all the guys. I'm with pastor and author J. Josh Smith. he is author of the book the man for the Day, Answering the call to godly Manhood. I'm so encouraged. And Josh and I were just talking during the break about how encouraged we are to see this young generation. I was sharing. I had. I talked to a lot of college aged guys over the break with my son and his friends and, and just coming and going and the visiting that was happening. I am so encouraged to see what God is doing. And you know, you hear me talk a lot about how I don't want to give Gen Z, Gen Alpha, the generation that's being born right now as we speak. Behind them, pessimistic messages about how this is a terrible time to be alive. And I see this generation as having courage to talk about their feelings, to talk about what God is doing in their life to talk about their spiritual journeys in ways that previous generations maybe were more reserved about. And Joshua sharing the same thing. Josh, I would love you to share that encouragement because in a way world where we are addicted to the doom scroll, we could sure you some good news.
J. Josh Smith: No, I'm, I'm very encouraged. you know, I, I had a major publisher tell me, about six or seven years ago that the only reason they're still in business is because of women's Bible Studies, Men's Bible studies, which is true. I mean, like men's Bible studies don't sell and no one's buying them. But they're seeing that change. More and more pastors are calling, saying, I need something for men. I think pastors are waking up to the reality that they can't ignore the men any longer younger and the men are dying and they're not doing anything about it, and they can't look past it. But I'm in a college town, so we're right here by the University of Georgia. We have 500 college students on Sunday morning. I could not be more encouraged by what I'm seeing in this generation. And every generation has their deficiencies. I mean, our generation does like every generation does. So it's easy to point out that kind of stuff. I mean, this is like people who exist to point out the negative in everything. we don't need that, more of that, that. But there are some real positives. This generation is willing to do hard things, like, like I haven't seen before. They're, they're. I mean, the amount of students that are going on mission trips and, just doing those kind of hard things are willing to sacrifice. They care a lot less about material things, than my generation does. They care a lot less about their retirement and all of those things. They're motivated by other things. So when you start talking to the young generation about true godly manhood, I am seeing them absolutely eat it up, like they love it. As a matter of fact, I, When I wrote the book a few Years ago, the Titus 10, the student team, was on the call when we were publishing it, and they said, yeah, we're going to pass on this. Well, they came back to me a year and a half ago and said, oh, we got to do it. We have to do a teen version of this because we're getting more and more calls from churches that want to know how to raise up young men. And so we did a teen version of that book. But I'm telling you, I am very encouraged, Jessica, by what I'm seeing in a young generation of men. And let me tell you something else that's neat. They want to be around older men.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes, yes.
J. Josh Smith: They want to talk to older men. They. They. If. If an older men will invite five or six younger guys into a conversation, about manhood that they are all in. I think sometimes the impetus needs to be on the young man to initiate the relationship. It's a little more awkward from an older guy, say, I want to spend time with you. But if a young guy in the church goes to an older, wiser man and say, would you meet with me? Me? First of all, it gives purpose to the older man. It thrills him because he thinks he's done, and the young men are dying for it. So I'm encouraging young guys all the time. You see an old guy in the church that you want to be like, just ask him to hang out with you. He'll probably even buy your lunch.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, absolutely. I think that is so encouraging, Josh. I hear the conviction in your voice. I hear the excitement and the optimism in your voice, and that's something that we need. And I do think that's something that older generations can learn from the younger generations. And by the way, shout out to all the young women out there who I have conversations with all the time saying, I am looking for a godly guy. Listen, they do exist. You just heard that. Keep praying, keep looking, keep preparing for that season of life. It's really exciting. That's another great thing about this generation, Josh, is that they have a return to traditional values. They value marriage. They are looking at that relationship as something to invest in, to prepare for. And that is encouraging to me. And one of the things that you talk about in the book is working from the inside out, like, not skipping the inner work, only focusing on, okay, what do I need to do? What is my behavior? Behavior? What is my performance? And I think this all ties into the younger generation because they are willing to talk about those heart issues much more than maybe in the past, where we talk about, okay, well, what do we need to do to find God's will? It's really, what is God doing in your heart and your soul?
Dr. Jessica Peck: How.
Dr. Jessica Peck: How can we learn from younger generations to talk more about that and look at the inner work that God is doing in our sanctification process?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, I mean, the whole. You know, the title of this book, the man for the Day, like, be the man God's called you to be, is really focusing less on what I'm doing for God and more, just becoming the man God wants me to be. And if I take care of that, I can trust the Lord with, with the rest of it.
The most important part of me is what's happening in my soul
John 7 has really affected me when Jesus said, if anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink, and out of him will flow rivers of living water. So the truth is, the most important part of me is the internal part. The most important part of me is what's happening in my soul. And if I want, want to live a life that matters, that influences others, if I want to live a life that blesses my wife, that blesses my kids, that blesses those around me, that has to come from an inside out, perspective. men don't usually function that way. We function outside. We just want to reform the outside and be better and do better. But I don't have any interest in that. Like, I, I want to develop men who are doing the hard work, of not just providing, but the hard work of making sure their soul is healthy. Healthy. They're dealing with sin, they're walking with integrity, their heart is clean, so they can be filled with the spirit. And then what happens is then as they're drinking heavily from the Lord, like they're consuming the things of God, then what they'll start to see is that flowing out of them is that. And that's what's going to bless others. I tell a story in the book, and we addressed this a little bit ago, that when my wife had kind of a come to Jesus conversation with me years ago, about my, like, sense of grumpiness and, like, coming home and saying negative things and those things, not intentionally, but kind of secondarily being about her. Like, if I'm complaining about the house or the finances, she feels that. But what I realized is that was coming out of lack of health in my soul. So, like, I was discouraged and defeated about a lot of things in my life. And so that's what comes out of me. So the solution to that was not for me to fake being happier, although that's not terrible all the time, but, for me to live from a better internal place, that's the better thing for me to do. So the work that needed to be happened was not just me reframing the way I function at home, but me reframing the way I spend time with God and say, I want to live from a healthier place. This entire book was written to help men live from that healthier place that will bear great fruit.
Dr. Jessica Peck: It's hard to do. My husband and I were having that conversation because he was talking about how he had an elevator system for his emotions. Like, if there's an emotion there, it's going to go on an elevator. And the elevator only goes down, down. Let's put that down to, like, level 32. Let's not deal with that. And he's told our kids, I'm an engineer and programmed to hurt your feelings. But, you know, it is. That's where it is really, beautiful to see that balance. I'm much more comfortable in talking about feelings, and I see those conversations happening between my husband and my sons, and that's something that I see in this generation.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So let's.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Let's camp there for just a second as we're finishing our time together. Josh, let's talk about that father son dynamic. You talked about having a great father, but not having conversation. There are fathers who are listening, whose sons are at home, who are craving that kind of conversation that you talked about. And the opportunity is ripe. However, as parents, we are not immune to the ways we've been acculturated to want instant gratification. We want to, you know, go and act like an, instant assistant. Like, can I help you with your problem? Okay, do this. All right, great. Is it fixed? Okay, let's move on. But recognizing that sanctification, even in ourselves, is messy. It's slow, it's back and forth.
What encouragement would you give to fathers and sons who have boys in their home?
What encouragement would you give to fathers and sons who have boys in their home right now still under their roof, still with so much opportunity?
J. Josh Smith: Yeah, I would say, first of all, just start having conversations. I mean, again, I. It's awkward to talk about things, and it's offered. Awkward to bring up conversations and. But at some point, dads have to be willing to have hard conversations about things. And don't make it always about the doing. Doing. Make it about the being. Don't. Don't make it about. My concern is that you look like this externally, but my biggest concern is that you walk with the Lord. And the book of Proverbs is a great way to start, just to look at all those conversations between a father and a son, because that's what that book is, and it's helpful to everyone. But it is a book where a father has conversations with a son. And so I think just a willingness to have those conversations to spend not only just time together, but time where there's some. Some thoughtful conversations. And again, a lot of times that guy didn't know what to talk about. So the Reason I wrote these books, the Titus 10 and the man for the Day, is to help have those conversations. One of the things we're encouraging guys to do in our church right now is to for dad and son to both read these books together and then just meet once a week and have conversations so the dad doesn't have to do the awkward thing of, now we're going to talk about manhood. They're just reading a book. They're reading a book and they get together and they go out for a burger, and they just talk about it and have conversations. Here's the thing. Your son wants that. He wants that from you. And as hard as it is to do, the reality is he does want that, and he will thank you for the fact that you were just willing to have hard conversations with him, just talking about things. So, I don't know. I think just. If it's just reading a book together, doing something like that together anyway, a dad can step in and have those conversations is something that eventually the son will greatly appreciate.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I appreciate you saying that, because as parents, we do have to lean into that awkward. You know, sometimes you may get eye rolls, you may get, oh, dad, really? That's weird. You know, like, really, do we have to do this? But really, that is their protective mechanism. That's them feeling it out, saying, okay, this is new. This is different. Is this gonna stick around? Are you really serious about this? Am I safe to talk about this kind of thing? Where is this going to go? It's kind of like I always say, it's like this, Josh, you know, when. When our kids are in that difficult phase and it just feels like everything is conflict, and all of a sudden they come up to you and they're like, hey, Mom. Hey, dad. How are you doing? You know, your instant question is, what do you want? And our kids feel that same way, you know, when we're nagging on them. You know, get your homework. Come on. Why can't you do this? You know, and you're in that nagging phase, but then you feel guilty and you think, okay, I really need to have these conversations. You come up and say, hey, I want to have these conversations. They're like, what? What do you want? What is. What is the catch here? And I think sometimes you just have to lean through that. You just have to be pers. And show yourself to be trustworthy. Show yourself to say, I. I really am committed to this. I really do want to do this. They're looking for that trustworthiness. Do you see that in your kids.
J. Josh Smith: I do. And I think one thing we fail to realize too, is that, kids are human beings just like we are. I mean, we don't think about that. I mean, honestly, we don't. We expect them to, like, not mess up and not so giving a lot of grace and even having conversations like that. One of the things I feel like really breaks the wall down and the barrier. Barrier is when parents acknowledge their faults and parents acknowledge their sin. When parents will go to their kids and say, hey, my attitude yesterday was really bad, or, hey, I'm, you know, I've struggled with this. And those kind of things go a long way in breaking down some of those, some of those barriers. but I just think, you know, a willingness to, to recognize that our kids are making progress. And, you know, we talked about how a husband just wants some affirmation from his wife every once in a while. So does a kid. So we tend to get on to them for the five things they don't do, you know. Right. while at the same time there may be two or three things they did, you know, they did. Right. That we didn't mention. So look for those little positive things. When they have a. When they have an attitude that was good when they did something, just affirm that, like, crazy. Like, I often tell. Tell parents, like, for every. Every one critique, there needs to be five affirmations. and building that culture where I'm noticing the things you're doing, doing, and I'm really proud of you. So, you know, when, when Jesus was baptized, God the Father opened up heaven and said, you are my beloved son, in whom I'm well pleased. That right there is everything every kid wants from their dad. They want to know, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm glad you're mine. That's it. That's all they want to know over and over, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm glad you're mine. So as much as we can continue to speak those things and then take the moments to say, hey, but I want to talk to you about this. Let's talk about some of this attitude, negative things, but, man, just pouring out a lot of encouragement. Kids need that. They feel beat down just like all the other people around the world do.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So they do. And, we underestimate the power that we have in that positive affirmation. And sometimes I think I see dads and sons and it's very tempting for them just to compliment the behavior to praise the behavior, to praise the outcome. That was a great catch. That was a, you know, great performance that you had. That was a great grade that you made. But when you choose intentionally to praise their character traits, hey, you showed self control out there.
J. Josh Smith: There.
Dr. Jessica Peck: That was really hard to do. Hey, you showed determination. It would have been so easy to give up, to lose your temper, but you didn't. I am telling you, that is like it's, that is a superpower. That is a superpower that God has given parents. Josh, I thank you so much for giving us this encouragement today. The book is called the man for the Day, Answering the Call to Godly Manhood. J. Josh Smith, get this for the guys in your your family, start a dinner table conversation, whether that's in your house, whether that's guys in your community, guys at work, start the conversation today. And Josh, thank you so much again for the encouragement that you provided and for the message that you brought us for men and for casting a vision for biblical manhood and wherever you are. To all of the men out there and the women supporting them, to everyone everywhere, I pray that, as I always do, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
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Jeff Chamblee: Opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Jessica is joined by Pastor and Author J. Josh Smith to encourage men to lead boldly in times of hardship and cultural decay.
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