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Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing Hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio

 : And welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite part of the afternoon, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And listen, we've got a great dose of hope for you today. We are going to be talking about the future of the world. And so often, if you're a regular listener, you know that I talk about this all the time. I don't like it when we speak words of pain and words of doom and gloom over this generation, basically telling them, I'm so glad I'm not growing up. When you were growing up, it was such a better time. When I was growing up, the world is terrible, it's on fire, and, you know, it's a terrible time to be alive. These are the messages often that Gen Z is hearing from us. And we want to speak words of life today. And if you listened earlier, earlier in January, we talked about the children's pastor who really gave you a boots on the ground perspective. What is it like to be a children's pastor? What, kinds of things are families facing? And it went so well. You all liked it so much, we thought, let's talk about youth ministry.

Kyle Backhus is an active youth minister at Bay Area Church in Houston

So I'm sitting here today with youth minister Kyle Backhus. He is an active youth minister at Bay Area Church in the Houston area. And he's here to talk to us today about youth ministry. What are youth facing and how can we really step in as parents, as caring adults, around them, as communities, as grandparents, coaches, teachers? What is it like being a kid today and what can we do to encourage this generation? Kyle, I'm so happy to have you here today.

Kyle Backhus: Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Jessica Peck: It's gonna be great. We, we, we both have a heart for youth.

Kyle Backhus came to know the Lord when he was 15

But let's start by introducing yourself to our listeners. Tell them a little bit about your calling, how you came to know the Lord and, and how you ended up being a youth pastor.

Kyle Backhus: For sure. For sure. Well, yes, my name is Kyle Backhus and me and my family right now we serve at Bay Area Church in League City. But personally I came to know the Lord when I was 15, so grew up with an awesome family, you know, present parents and an awesome older sister. But we just, we went to church every now and then growing up. Just kind of the cultural around holidays or maybe when other family members were. And I'm thankful for that. But when I got to the eighth grade, I was on a basketball team and I had some friends who invited me to church with them and didn't have any really negative thought about that. I just didn't think about it at all. And when I went to church with them, really amazing youth pastor named Allen Armstrong shared the gospel. And from that point on, the Lord spoke to me. And that's when I knew, okay, my life's about and should be about following Jesus. And through high school was a part of that church and a part of that youth group. And really the love for student ministry came up when I just, it was the simple question of whatever Allen does, I want to do that, right? Whatever he did to be a part of my life and our friends and how he impacted our life, I want to do that. So I asked him one day and he said it's called going into ministry and talked about, you know, college and seminary and just things like that and how he kind of pursue that in the future. So it's ended up going to Dallas Baptist University and Southwestern Seminary. And we were in Dallas for about eight years and then now we're here. So yeah, just love being part of students lives and I think of that just being present and helping share the gospel and just being a faithful part of their lives and building relationships and loving them and caring for them and for families. So that's our story and that's kind of how we got here.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I love it. Kyle, you share something in common with my husband because he also came to know the Lord through a family inviting him to a youth group. His family did not go to church. They were a Catholic at the time and you know, was at the time where the Catholic church was going through a lot of controversy, a lot of pain, a lot of difficulty, and so they just kind of disengaged and didn't go. And there was a friend though who invited them, which is important for us to remember because research shows that most kids, if you invite them, they're open to coming. Like, just like you said, like, it's not like you Just thought, okay, sure, yeah, let's. Let's see how that goes. And to see how God has used your life, I think is incredible. And looking at all of those interactions that you've had, I know the impacts that you've had on families, and to see that it all started with God working through all of those details in your life so early, that's pretty amazing.

Kyle Backhus: And I love that so much. And we talk about it now in our student ministry of, like, the power of an invite, Right?

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: And not necessarily even point in my own life, but just in general, like, what can God do with the simple obedience of just extending that invite? Like, hey, do you want to go to church with me? That's all it was when I looked back was just friends saying, hey, want to go to church tonight? And I know my life's been changed through that and by that invite. And it's fun to share that with students. So I'm right there with you. It's super important. And sometimes I think we make it harder than it has to be.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, in a lot of ways, we absolutely do. And we know that Gen Z is looking for something they are searching for. Connection is really what they're looking for. A lot of times I see, you know, kids posting online and, sometimes we can word this and kind of view this negatively, like, oh, they're just looking for attention. And I always try to reframe that and say, no, what today's kids are looking for is connection. They want to be seen, they want to be known, and they want to be loved. And there's a spiritual hunger in this generation that we frankly have not seen in previous generations. We've seen millennials, my generation, Gen X, a little more cynical towards the church, towards religious things, towards God, to be honest. And. But you see a spiritual hunger. How do you. What are you seeing? What is your view? Like, just boots on the ground. What are you seeing every day? What is it like to work with kids?

Kyle Backhus: I'm so glad you brought that up. because definitely I'm seeing that a lot where I think it's two parts of the same coin, where on one end there is an interest. Spiritually for sure. And I say that broadly. I wouldn't say it's always, of course, in maybe Christianity, but when you talk to students, there's an openness to have a conversation about life and the purpose of life and meaning, the things that really matter the most, because they're wondering that. And even if they wouldn't put it in those words, that's what they're searching for. And it definitely, I think, comes down to they're open and the Lord's doing a lot through that. We see visitors regularly who are just getting plugged in because they were looking for purpose, they were looking for hope, they were looking for meaning. So I'm really glad you brought that up because we've definitely seen that. And I think some of the statistics actually show that, especially for a lot of, like, young adults, high school students, who are making a return to church in some ways, like, it's not just an antidote thing, but I think we're seeing it statistically too, which is super exciting.

Kyle: I think there's a discipleship battle happening with information overload

But on the flip side of that coin too, is I think there's a little bit of what I would see as like an information overload.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, yeah, I can see that comes.

Kyle Backhus: Down to like a battle of discipleship for students. So who are teenagers becoming? What's influencing them the most? Who are they learning from? What are they hearing? What are they seeing? And I think it comes down to the fact that they have everything at the palm of their hands that they would want when it comes to information. Right. And even entertainment. So in some ways staying busy, but also just if they want to Google a question, right. If they want to chat GPT something, they can do those things. So the other side of that coin is it can be dangerous sometimes too, when you have everything at the palm of your hands and maybe that influence and that spiritual interest goes into other places. So I think definitely seeing a, renewed, like, spiritual interest. But I think also there's a discipleship battle that's happening with lot of information and information overload. And I think the teenagers today, having whatever they really want most of the time at the palm of their hands or screen or whatever that would be.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm so glad you brought that up because I actually had an. I was interviewing another mom who told me her son came home and said, I feel like at the lunch table, we're just like information sharing booths. Like, you step into my booth, I download all the information I've gotten, then I step into your booth, you download all of the information, and then we figure out who's right. And one of the things that concerns me is the rise of influencer culture. Because when you look online, it's very easy for people to get what this is my term that I'm using, vicarious credibility. Oh. Because so and so follows them. It's maybe somebody famous, maybe somebody that's in my circle that I respect or admire. They follow them so that must be a good person to follow. And then all of a sudden they're just absorbing everything. And when I grew up, Kyle, I mean, we had literally the encyclopedia. So my kids tell me you grew up in literally the previous century. And we didn't have access to that information. So when we went to church, those were the figures of authority that we saw. But now you can find an echo chamber for anything. And, and so I think instead of coming from a fear based place, a lecture based place of you better, or else you've got to provide that compelling alternative and show them why Jesus is better. But I bet that's really challenging.

Kyle Backhus: You know, in a sense it is really challenging. But, but something that I've found is I think it also helps you simplify just in my world and kind of my lane, what you're doing. Because when students come to church, they're looking for hope. You know, if they're wondering and they have questions about the Lord, they want those questions answered. If they're looking for a community, they're looking for a great life group and adult leaders who can guide them. Like, it can also, I think, be turned to your point in a really positive sense where they're searching, they're wondering, well, let's not, you know, only try to entertain them. Games and fun and some of that student ministry culture has its place for sure, but what does it look like to kind of say, hey, you're spiritually interested, let's speak to that. You have hard questions about life, let's speak to that. Parents are kind of asking, how do we guide our family and how do we speak to the things that are going on in the culture? Let's try to help. Right. So I, It is challenging, but I think it's also really exciting because it gives an opportunity to do, I think, what we're supposed to do and maybe simplify things a little bit.

Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, one of the things I love about talking to you, Kyle, and anybody who's working with this generation, there is an optimism in your voice that's very, just on display. And I love that because when you talk to people who don't work with kids every day, they're the ones who are pessimistic. But when you work, when you talk with the people who, who are talking to kids every day, God is at work in the hearts of young people. And I would love for you just to share more about that.

Kyle Backhus: For sure. I think what we see a lot is students who will just show up and whether it was through an invite, whether it was from parents bringing them, students have questions. So I think sometimes there's maybe a little bit of facade that they're coming to be entertained, or maybe only to be entertained. I think most teenagers who are coming are wanting to know what's true and what's real and who they can trust. And if they have everything at the palm of their hands, what really matters, and if they're so busy with every sport and every activity, what's really worth their time? And how do they use that time well? So I think that is big picture what I see. But like, even just thinking of a student who a few weeks ago was talking about starting a Bible study with a group of friends that they regularly go to Waffle House together. But this group of guys, like, when we go to Waffle House, we're gonna do Bible study.

Dr. Jessica Peck: That's awesome.

Kyle Backhus: Because what's it worth if we're just sending TikToks back and forth and kind of cutting up, or we can do something that's worth our time. And that was their own thing, right? Like, that wasn't something that their life group leaders or even I brought up. It was just hearing, like they were thinking through that for themselves. So that's why I'm optimistic is I think they really want to know what matters. And they're willing to take that step if you show them.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I think in the world of having information at their fingertips and being digital natives, they've grown up with technology. They don't just expect technology, they expect it to be good. But there's something interesting that I'm seeing, Kyle, and I want to know if you're seeing this too, because I think when kids go into a church environment, a lot of times churches can feel pressured to offer that programming that is stellar. And we want to do everything to the glory of God. Like, we want to do everything with excellence. But more than programming, they're looking for people you keep describing. They're looking for connections. They're looking for adults who are going to mentor them. They're looking for adults who are going to show up and lead their group, even if it's at the Waffle House right there. So how do you. How do you manage that? that expectation, that balance, how do we get the message out that, hey, they're looking for connection? That's what they're looking for more than anything, that technical excellence or programming, for sure.

Kyle Backhus: I think part of that starts by taking a step back and just looking at, you know, when Jesus was really training and teaching his disciples, what was he doing? And what he seemed most interested in was their formation, like, what kind of people they were becoming. And if they were serving him and if they were loving him, if they were serving and loving other people, if they were standing for what was true, like those kind of discipleship things are what mattered the most to him. So I think when you bring that up to today, it's kind of like that's just the example we've been given, and it doesn't make it easy, but it's like that's what we want to try to do. I think practically it takes a whole lot of people to do it. So can I answer your question? It's like it is kind of the village, kind of part of it, where it's surrounding your kids with people and hopefully if it's life group leaders or just other friends, parents who are committed to that same thing, like, we don't just want you to be successful, or we don't just want you to go to a good college one day or to be on a great sports team or, you know, to do whatever that might be that we're kind of chasing after. What we want the most for you is to love Jesus. And from us and from our student ministry, we just tried to tell leaders, like, hey, if you want to speak to a student spiritually, you earn that through a relationship.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I love it.

Preborn currently has clinics that do not have ultrasound machines

You know, I think when we're looking for volunteers at church, the, the, the areas that people shy away from the most are the toddlers and the teens. They don't want diapers or trauma, but there is such a reward. And if, you're listening, this may be your call to volunteer in youth ministry because you may have gifts, you may have life experience, you may have perspective, and you may have time that you can spend with this generation of kids. When we come back, Kyler Going and I are going to talk about what teens are facing on the ground today, what kind of issues, what are their hurts, hurts. What are their pain points, and how do we meet them in that point of need. We'll also talk about how to get your teen connected into a youth group, into a good church. We'll have more with Kyle Backhus when we come back. Candice talks about finding out she was pregnant. Thankfully, an ultrasound provided by preborn allowed her to hear her baby's heartbeat. The sonogram sealed the deal for me. My baby was like this tiny little spectrum of hope, and I saw his heart beating on the screen and knowing that there's life growing Inside. I mean, that sonogram changed my life. I went from just Candace to Mom. Thank you. To everybody that has given these gifts, you guys are giving more than money. You guys are giving love. Preborn currently has clinics that do not have ultrasound machines. Would you consider a leadership gift and sponsor a machine today? These life Saving machines cost $15,000 more than most centers can afford. Your donation will save countless lives for years to come. Dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby or go to preborn.com/AFR

Do It Again by Elevation Worship: Waiting for change to come knowing the battle's. Won. For you have never failed me yet. Your promise still stands. Great is your faithfulness. Faithfulness, I'm still in your hands. This is my confidence You've never failed me yet

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is do it again by elevation worship. And that is the encouraging message that we need to be giving to today's generation of teens. There is a generation of young people who is looking at all of these things that are happening in the world. All of the weather, disasters that we're facing, the civil unrest, violence, just you name it, you know, the doom scroll and your phone and all of the bad news that they're seeing delivered to them in a heartbeat. And honestly, even faster than older generations are getting it, they are wearing the weight of the world. They are bearing that in their hearts. And we need to give them messages of God's faithfulness that yes, the world is chaotic, the world is broken, but God loves them, but God has a purpose for their lives. And today I'm talking to youth minister Kyle Backhus from Bay Area Church and he's giving us his view. This is somebody who is living, breathing Gen Z culture. You are there, boots on the ground. And let's get something straight just right out of the gate, Kyle, because let's, talk about Gen Z vocab, okay? Because there's a lot of people who are asking. I know this is a topic of conversation. You know what I'm going to ask, right?

Kyle Backhus: Yeah.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Okay. All right, so six, seven, explain it. I know there's people listening, thinking. Yeah, exactly. Six, seven, what is that?

Kyle Backhus: So part of the thing with these brain rot words and for anyone who's listening, part of the way to understand them is to know that a lot of them truly don't have a meaning.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Like skibidi.

Kyle Backhus: Yes. And I mean I could throw out others, but I don't want to accidentally get it wrong and then have like a negative meeting.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Right, right, exactly.

Kyle Backhus: Yeah. Things like six, seven. It drove me crazy at first because I Was like, I'm getting duped. Like, there's got to be a secret meaning. Come to find out there's not. And that's part of why it's so funny to them, because you just throw it in anywhere and it doesn't mean anything.

Dr. Jessica Peck: It's just a bonding, a cultural bonding moment.

Kyle Backhus: What's a bonding thing? And then I think, you know, that the brain rot thing, like, it doesn't take a whole lot to think about it. And anywhere that someone times it, well, it's super funny to them. And, you know, even, like, I was teaching at our student ministry one time and I taught him Philippians 4, 6 and 7. Oh, and I read those verses, I mean, 20 times.

Dr. Jessica Peck: How long did it take you to get control back?

Kyle Backhus: Well, I was confused at that point. No, I didn't know. So right after it was done, I went to one of our trusted, like, upperclassmen, and I was like, hey, you just gotta shoot me straight. Like, was that doing something?

Dr. Jessica Peck: Is that bad? Like, you start to worry when I.

Kyle Backhus: And I learned then, hey, if you say six and seven together, you're gonna get that reaction.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: You know, and there, there's, I think, a difference of opinion of where it comes from. Someone say it comes from like a song or.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Uh-huh. Someone say it comes from a basketball player who said he was 6 foot 7. I got that from a very authoritative source, by the way, a nine year.

Kyle Backhus: Old who told me, maybe he's right.

Dr. Jessica Peck: But, you know, I think that sometimes it's. It's funny because we look at Gen Z culture and I say we as in generations outside of Gen Z. And, you know, it's funny, when I go to speak at, different places, I give a cultural quiz and so I'll ask things about Gen Z culture, Gen X, millennials, boomers, they know nothing. But if I ask them, like, who did Luke marry on General Hospital, who's the sheriff of Mayberry? Oh, they know those things and they say them with excitement. And so what I say back is, we have a love hate relationship with pop culture. We love ours and we hate theirs. And, and, you know, but the part of that is connecting. And I feel like cultural insight is relational relevancy. It gives you a point of start to talk with them. And that's where you need to start having conversations. Because kids today, as we said, I said in the intro here, they're facing some pretty heavy stuff. What kinds of things are you seeing kids walk in with today?

Kyle Backhus: For sure. And I will say, just to acknowledge from the beginning. I think context drives this question a lot of the time. So there are some overarching things that every teenager maybe today is dealing with. But I think a lot of times it's driven by context. So some of what I'll share maybe is just things I've noticed but hopefully applies to whoever is listening to. But first, like we mentioned a little bit earlier, I think there's a total battle for discipleship.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: When you know, we're thinking of a student who can have access to screens. Not only screens, but just the conversations their friends have. And those things do have an effect on the people they're becoming. Like they're not neutral. So even if they're good hearted, fun, they are influential on the type of kid, you know, and who they're becoming. And if they're following Jesus, if they're growing in that relationship or maybe if they're kind of staying put in where they are. And that's driven by things like algorithms, you know, TikToks, just the kind of wash, rinse, repeat of doing things that maybe don't have a lot of purpose. Right. And redeeming time. And redeeming time for what can be, I think, used to build kids up. And that's I think, the big thing. And of course I think that plays into social media, it plays into AI, it plays into just, you know, gaming and how kids spend their time together, even in groups when they're out. Even things like when I see kids in school hallways, maybe they're not talking to each other, but they're walking down the hall with a phone in the hand. Like those are the kind of moments when, I mean the battle for discipleship, that time really matters. So that's the first thing I've noticed is just like, how do we encourage our kids to use their time? And according, I think a lot of those types of things that maybe we blame like social media or gaming or screens on, I think it's a symptom of a larger thing.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I agree. I could not agree more. And I, I'm so glad that you said what you just said. You said screens are not neutral. Screens are influencing and shaping worldview, our worldview, but especially our kids. And our kids are more vulnerable to their worldview being shaped now. And when you talk about this battle for discipleship, I feel urgency, you know, that, that it's happening right now. What do we need to know and understand about that? And what can caring adults do?

Kyle Backhus: The I think, you know, part of this is me speaking as a Parent with littles. So I've been able to.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Your dad of four.

Kyle Backhus: Dad of four, yeah. And I mean we still feel that though, right?

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: Having a daughter, who is really in, to dislike certain kinds of really cute, fun shows. But we're like, after a little while, is that time well spent? You know, those are the kind of things we're asking from our seat. But I think from a teenager perspective, I've seen parents do this well, when there are not, I wouldn't say boundaries, but when there's like purpose driven goals behind what a kid's doing with their time. And sometimes parents struggle when there's I think maybe too much trust and too much freedom for a kid to kind of do whatever they're doing. And I think it's very innocent sometimes just to say, oh, they're just enjoying their time watching TV or being on YouTube or having TikTok. Like it's just how they enjoy their time. And I think sometimes that's an innocent thought. But the problem is you can get in certain streams of videos or content that, like we said, aren't neutral. So I think parents have to be discerning and just be aware. And of course you can't perfectly have an eye on that. But I think just being aware of who do your children listen to? Like who do they watch, the games they're playing, who do they play with and what is that content? Like if they're reading certain kinds of books, you know, what are those books and who are the characters in the storyline? Like those are the kind of things that I think if parents ask those types of questions, they can discern, hey, this is something that could be good, right? Or something to speak into. And the challenge comes in, I think, when it's kind of like a hands off approach to just they're enjoying their time, they're doing their thing. I think parents have to reclaim that a little bit.

Dr. Jessica Peck: I couldn't agree with that more either because I think sometimes we're in this weird generational gap where we have Gen X and Millennials, which Millennials are somewhat digital natives, but they still grew up with dial up Internet. You know, you're still talking about the AOL instant messenger. Yeah. M Speaking your language where you have, you know, different message box open, you know, MySpace, all of that, it's different. So we're parenting kids through something that we did not grow up with, that we did not experience. And I see a lot of apathy in parents just because it's not, it's not a Bad intention. It's just kind of a, this ah, is overwhelming. I feel frozen. I kind of don't know what to do. But, but what I want to ask you about Kyle, is that kind of assumption. We assume like oh well, my kids in church, my kid would never. But when we put something that powerful in their hands, where we have psychologists on the other end who are working for social media platforms trying to get them to stay on it, the world's best psychologists, that's not a fair fight. We have predators who are intentionally putting material in there. The kids will be accidentally exposed to that they don't know what to do with. But it, it can be addictive, it can be a trap. And I think good kids can make poor decisions and sometimes their thumb moves faster than the prefrontal cortex in their brain. How do you navigate that tension in thinking that yeah, even kids in church can make mistakes, they can stumble. And how do we create an environment that's healthy for disclosure of that for sure?

Kyle Backhus: Well I think part of it starts with even if a, you know, young guy or young girl starts on a, on a fine place on social media or on YouTube, the whole point of an algorithm is it's finding content that is like what they've been watching and that's broad. Right. Who's defining what's like what they just watched. And you maybe can start by watching a really great Christian video. But where do you end up after a couple hundred videos scrolled past? Right. Like it's just, it's unpredictable. It's unpredictable. But I think more than unpredictable, it's not the same worldview. Right. Like parents are hoping that you would stay maybe watching those kind of videos, but that's just not the reality. And I think that's the challenge is it's not something that you just keep doing. Like you can end up anywhere. That's what I'm trying to say that that can take your kid anywhere and that's maybe the danger. And the thing that I would want parents to think about is maybe they start in a fine place and what they're doing, but where do they end up after their scrolling and seeing similar content and similar videos? Who knows? Right. So I think the way parents help with that is to just be aware and to talk about it and to talk about it without judgment. So kids are going to have different interests. There's going to be more sports related type kids who may be like, like a dude perfect and lean into that.

Kyle Backhus: That's great to have things like that, that A kid enjoys. And you can lean in and be like, isn't that trick shot cool? Like, that's one thing we see. But there's also kids who are going to be more into arts and more into, different types of. And I think sometimes there's positive influencers who are great, you know, playing great music and things that parents can not just assume on the other end that everything is wrong or not helpful. Because there is helpful stuff.

How do you partner with parents when kids come to you with sensitive issues?

And I think there is things that can be good. So it takes the conversation and then when inevitably your son or daughter does mess up.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah. Because oh my goodness, they're human like their parents.

Kyle Backhus: Well. And when they do scroll to that video or when they do pick up that song, or when they do want to read the book, that maybe was similar to where they started talking about that with grace and not how could you? But being like, hey, you ended up here, can we talk about that? Right? You ended up with this song, you ended up with this video, but it's not where we'd want you to be and here's why. And talking about it from a gospel lens, those conversations without judgment, I think is. Is huge because sometimes it's well intentioned. But the kind of comments of like, how could you can shut a door?

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, we have this parenting playbook that is passed down from generation to generation. It has all of the lines in there that if I started the lines, like, you could finish them. Like, you just wait until your dad gets home. Right. You know all of that. You've probably seen even viral videos going around about that. But one of the common things that parents say that I see is what were you thinking? Like, what were you thinking? And the truth is they weren't thinking in a very mature way because we know that the prefrontal cortex in their brain doesn't mature. And so sometimes we assume it's a failure of morals and like that they're rejecting their spiritual values. But those things don't fully develop until the later teen years. And so we need to meet them at that point of decision making. How did you come to this decision? And how can we better set you up for success so that you aren't trapped into a bad decision? That can be hard for parents, I think. And it's been probably for you when kids come to you and disclose something because they care so much about what their parents think and their afraid of what that reaction is going to be. I'm sure it can be easy for some parents to be like, you told your youth minister, what? How do you, how do you partner with parents? What would you tell parents to not be afraid of that, to lean into that and see that as an opportunity?

Kyle Backhus: Well, personally, a, value really we really hold close in our student ministry is that we're not the parents. And I think that's a really important start for anyone who's working in next gen type ministry, whether that's kids ministry or student ministry. Like I am not these guys and girls. I'm not their parent, I'm not their dad. And while maybe there's certain aspects that I plan to and hopefully minister to that is fatherly in a way that's not my role. Right. My role is student minister. And that starts with coming alongside of parents. Right. Like the vision of the Bible from Deuteronomy 6. But through the whole way of the story of scripture is that there's parents who are raising their children to love, serve God. So from my perspective, you have to start there. You have to start there by acknowledging directly but also indirectly by what you do. This is setting up a parent to lead at home. It's not closing conversations into the best of our ability. I'm sure there's a lot of ways we can grow in that. But that's our intention. Our intention is to say we are not your parents. We want to support your parents in what they're doing. And kind of to your question, when sensitive things come up, just being honest to say, I will tell your parents about this, you know, and we will talk about this because they need to know. Right. And if we work together, they care for you, they have your best interest in mind. And of course there are certain situations where that's not true. I think those are the, probably the most challenging ones where kids are in hard situations and maybe they're not, in a really healthy home life. But you still owe it to a parent to say this is your opportunity to serve your son or your daughter where they're at. Right. And I'm not gonna keep that as if I was their parent or give counsel. That would kind of come under what you're doing.

Dr. Jessica Peck: It can be really hard for parents, I think, to let go of that because sometimes we're really honest. Kyle. I know I face this. I'm a mom of four as well. Sometimes we're more worried. Our initial reaction is what are people going to think? Rather than our initial reaction to be what is going on in the heart of my child and where do I need to respond? And sometimes it requires us to stand in that Space with them in that space, even where they may feel shame, they may, feel pain, they may feel hurt, they may feel grief. And just standing there with them saying, hey, I know that this was a m. Misstep. I know that you fell. I fall too. And in this cancel culture, we have to teach kids about a path for grace, don't you think?

Kyle Backhus: For sure.

Kyle Backhus: An angry cancel culture can negatively impact young people

And that's another thing that I would kind of bring up of, that I've noticed in a trend in student ministry is the effects that an angry cancel culture that, if we're going to be honest, often modeled by adults, how that impacts our kids.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Ouch.

Kyle Backhus: And I, and I feel that too. I'm saying that to myself, right?

Dr. Jessica Peck: We do it.

Kyle Backhus: We do it. I do it. And that can happen when it shows itself as, like, a lack of, forgiveness, an ability to show grace. So I think you're right.

Dr. Jessica Peck: It does. It's really hard in cancel culture because we do. I mean, we just think it's so easy to unfriend someone, to ghost them to, oh, I'm not listening to that person anymore. Oh, they disappointed me forever. And yes, there's a place, but that's where we're walking through in church with biblical discipline and discipleship and all of those things that you talked about. Listen, when we come back, we're going to talk about how do you get your kid plugged into a church? And we'll also talk about some ways that the purity culture is good and some challenges that, they have had and how we can navigate those messages for our teens at home. Don't go away. We'll be right back with more from student minister Kyle Backhus. We'll see you on the other side of this break.

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Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is how great thou art until that day by Matt Redman And I'm so glad that, that you're here. Today, listen, we are still continuing on with our preborn campaign and you can call in and donate $28 or whatever God lays on your heart. To donate an ultrasound for a woman who is has the opportunity to choose life for her baby. That would be a great thing to do. If you are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged by all of the bad news that is coming through the news media through your doom scroll, that's something that you can do. That would be a blessing. You can call in at 877-616-2396. We're trying to sponsor 5,000 ultrasounds. That is a lot of ultrasounds but we're getting very close. So call in 877-616-2396 or you can go to afr.net and in other good news today I'm talking to student pastor, student minister Kyle Backhus. He is working every day with Gen Z with youth from 7th through 12th grade, the junior high and high school. He is working with students who are still seeking and he's talked to us about a, ah, discipleship crisis, how there is a battle for discipleship, how screens are not neutral, how we need to be engaged and parents are the most influential force. Now I know this. Working as a pediatric nurse practitioner, parents are often the first to underrate their influence. They think my kid is not paying attention to what I say. They I can't get their face out of their phone. They think I am cringy all ah of those things. But research shows it still matters what those parents think. And I love the way that you've talked about partnering with parents because that's what we should want as parents. We're the primary discipler of our kids but we want to bring them to places like your ministry where you're going to put them in front of adults who are going to invest in them, who are going to reinforce those values that we're having at home.

Kyle: We would be remiss not to talk about mental health crisis

And we've been talking, Kyle, about some of the challenges that are facing Gen Z today. And we would be remiss, as you have brought up and reminded me even today, to not talk about the mental health crisis. I've said it's real. I think you think it's real too.

Kyle Backhus: Yeah, it is real and it can feel overwhelming.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: When there's words and you know, real struggles that students are going through. When you think of things like anxiety and depression, maybe different, disorders that they maybe have self harm even. Yeah. That they have and then you know, traumatic situations that they've been in, all of that just to kind of talk about it broadly, of course, like it's a real struggle. And if you're following a lot of the statistics, unfortunately it's growing. So to not talk about it isn't where you want to go. And I think it's kind of just how do we guide this situation where we can offer help as a, as the church and then partner well with professionals too, who can offer help clinically? I think that's really important. That's where it starts when you're looking at it, I think just from like a 30,000 foot view. But it's real and it's growing. But the good news is part of the hope of Christ is that we have God's peace in the midst of what we struggle with. And students might journey through some of these mental health struggles, but they're not alone. And they can be right where they're at by God's grace, growing and becoming more and more like Jesus.

Dr. Jessica Peck: It's one of the reasons I'm so encouraged to talk with you, Kyle, because we're modeling that today. Right. You're in ministry, I'm in healthcare. But people are not just bodies, just minds, or just spirits. We are made by God as body, mind and spirit. And so often I see the mental health crisis addressed in silos like, okay, get professional help. No, go to church. It's only like one. or it's not a both. And. But we really are going to best serve kids by having that holistic wraparound support. Yes. Take them to a counselor. Yes. Take them to church.

Kyle Backhus: Yes. And I think that's probably my number one kind of personal belief with all of this is it has to be both. And that's so important because personally, maybe some of the counsel I can offer, that's what I can offer. Right. The lane that God's put me in. And I believe that the hope of the gospel and knowing Jesus changes all things. But there are very real struggles that are persistent and take time. And I think from a minister's perspective we should acknowledge that. Right. That these struggles can take time to work through. And sometimes it's really what people might deal with their whole lives until they see the Lord. So it's acknowledging how can I help, but also how can I not help? And that's where we partner together. And I think there's something beautiful that can happen. And I hope it's really helpful. When it's a, both and type.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Situation, for sure, that's a great way to frame it. How can I help and how can I not help and who do I need to come in and provide that help? And from my experience as a healthcare provider, Kyle, what I see a lot of times is kids come in with a, stomachache with headaches, with sleep disturbances, and the parents want to know do they have the flu and do they have blood sugar issues? And sometimes there's those physical things. But I often uncover spiritual causes. A lot of times one thing that I am seeing a definite increase in is it is risk taking online and especially when it comes to purity culture and the choices that they're making to lead a life of purity. And they, they and there we've talked about this before. There are ways that the church has been really good in that and there's things that we've learned about that. So how can we look at that and address that with our kids, set them up for purity for life in a way that's healthy, that's attentive to body, mind and spirit?

Kyle Backhus: Yeah, without a doubt. And you know, I just acknowledging that word purity can be loaded, you know, for a lot of people can be challenging for different reasons based off their experience. And believe where it starts is Sermon on the Mount. Right. When you see Jesus, see that he says that blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God does matter to Jesus. But it's a holistic purity. Right. It's a purity that's based upon our hearts being made new and being washed clean by the blood of Jesus and then guided forward with like a new love and new desires. And in that it's a continual, really walking with Jesus and growing in faith and then repenting of sin and just living in that cycle and that being purity. So of course that includes purity of all kinds.

Kyle Backhus: But in my opinion, some of the struggle comes up when we silo it to maybe one specific kind of purity. Like it has to be looking at a person as their whole heart before the Lord wanting a pure heart for them. Because Jesus says, what is the reward of that? We see God.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: For who he is.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, I would. And don't we all want that? I mean that's what we all want for our kids. And I think that when you think about what we were talking about earlier with cancel culture, this is a cultural moment and a cultural context, just like you were talking about. That overlays the messaging that the church is giving about purity. Siloing it to one specific behavior rather than looking at the heart. And then in the spirit of cancel culture, either you have it or you don't. You mess up, that's it, like it's over for you. And they feel such shame and like they can't come back from that. Where can we show resilience and grace through forgiveness and repentance? Just like you talked about, for sure.

Kyle Backhus: I think where it starts is kind of we mentioned earlier, but just again, parents creating. There's a group called Access that says having the one conversation. And what they mean by that is having just that conversation, that open line with your students. And I say students, your children.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: Where it's an open communication and you can talk about anything. And of course that takes trust and that takes time. But when that foundation is there, then okay, if we can talk about anything, when you do fall short, maybe in some aspect of purity, it's something we can talk about rather than being surprised by. And I think that's kind of two places we land of.

Kyle: What advice would you give to families who have kids not connected in a church right now?

Did we think this could happen at some point in your journey or were we maybe thinking we were surprised by. And I get it, it's shocking sometimes when students go through different things. It is shocking and there is a response. But when that one conversation mindset is there, like an open mind and heart with your students, then you can talk about it. So I think that's the foundation. But really I think also too reframing repentance, like the Bible tells us, repentance is God's kindness to us.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: And just I think human nature, sometimes we see repentance as like you've been caught, you're in trouble and you need to clean yourself up. I don't think that's God's view of repentance. Right. Like God's view of repentance, it's his kindness to draw us in that really we would turn from what's lesser love and lesser good and even what doesn't have purpose and meaning ultimately back to the Lord. I think part of too is I would invite parents reframe repentance, like reframe some of those discipline type moments as hey, this is God being kind. Right. That you can love him and serve him in greater ways. And it's really important.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Kyle. I think there's some parents, some grandparents who are listening to you talk and thinking, oh, I would love to have someone like you who is investing into my kids. I would love to have someone with such wisdom and care who is walking alongside my kids not perfectly, but faithfully. And I think there are a lot of kids maybe who are not connected to youth. Maybe they don't want to go Maybe they're putting up some resistance of somehow, maybe they've experienced hurt before. Maybe the parents are just thinking, well, if they go, do I have to go? Or, you know, there's a lot of barriers, or they think, I don't know, like, can we trust that this person is going to be theologically sound? There's a lot of church hurt. What advice would you give to families who have kids who are not connected in a church right now? What first steps would you take to make that connection?

Kyle Backhus: For sure. And, you know, with that question, something that is really important to acknowledge is churches are different. And kind of the climate of what your city and your community might have with the churches around you and just your culture and all of that wrapped up into one different, I'm sure, for everyone who's listening. So to me, it starts with three different things. First is, does this ministry or slash church? So if you're thinking of the student ministry of the church as a whole, do they put out and they're really unapologetic, and we want parents to be their primary disciple makers. If we don't do that perfectly, if that's the intention of a church and of a student ministry or a kids ministry, you know, those are the people with the right heart, right. Not expecting perfection from them, but knowing, okay, they're starting with the right baseline of it's not about entertainment or just getting the most amount of people through the door, but, like, we want to help build you up as a parent. So I think that would be like, hey, does the church put that out there? Do they unapologetically market that, have that on their website, put that in their kind of life group material, whatever that could be. So I think that'd be the first thing. Number two is if this church has a place for parents to connect. So something that is really overlooked a lot of times in this conversation is I want to get my son or daughter involved, but I won't be involved. And I think I see a lot more success when moms and dads or aunts and uncles, grandma, grandpas, whoever that primary caregiver is connects as well. So when they have their own group, when they have their own life group, when they have their own mentor, whatever it could be that they're connecting with while their kids are connecting. Because it can be confusing, right? When it's like, hey, son or daughter, I want you to go connect, but I'm gonna go down the street and run my errands. Right?

Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah.

Kyle Backhus: And I know, once again, innocent in Some sense, but parents need that connection too. So number two, like, is there a place for parents to connect? And then number three, I do think this is important. This plays kind of into the student ministry part of it. Is there a way for students to connect with other students meaningfully? And that looks different. Could look like groups, it could look like events, it could look like a big gathering. There's so many types of things. But that is important. And I think I would just encourage parents. Like, is what you're sending your kid to maybe sometimes more of like a hype deal? Or are there people there for them to do that and to connect with and build relationships? Like, is that the goal is that they're able to do? Because that looks different at every church. But you can tell when you're at a place where, hey, these are kids that my son or daughter could plug in with and know. So they have community, hopefully, while mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, whoever else has community too. So I think between those three things, that's where I would start.

Dr. Jessica Peck: That's really wise. I think that's probably not what most people would expect you to say, but just to recap that, number one, making sure that the parents are promoted as the primary discipler. I did go speak at one church who they call them, the children's ministry, calls themselves the B team. And that's what they tell the parents. We're the B team, you're the A team, we are here to support you. And number two, making sure that the parents connect. And number three, looking for opportunities for the students to connect. Those are. That's a really great advice for getting involved in a church because I think that kids need that. And that goes back to what you were talking about earlier, this discipleship. It's one of the trends that I'm seeing. And kids wanting to consume spiritual content online. But there's some problems with that to me, Kyle, because there are some ways that it can be encouraging. Do I want my kids listening to sermons while they're mowing the lawn? You betcha I do. But at the same time, they need somebody to walk with them, to know them, to know their specific situation, their community, what is going on, you know, and to speak truth to them. Because online you look for those people who are just saying what you want to hear in that echo chamber. Sometimes you got to talk those tough truths. And accountability is a big part of that. Right?

Kyle Backhus: For sure. And to kind of take that a step further. And this might be a little self serving to say it, but I think there's nothing like the local church. Like there's nothing, there's nothing like having consistent people in your life. Whether this is from a parent's perspective or from a high school or junior high students perspective. Consistent people in their life speaking truth and being supporting and being present. There's nothing like that. And I mean for me, I look forward to Sunday morning so much. Like I need that time where I'm with the rest of the church and we're singing and we're hearing our sermon from our pastor and praying together like there's nothing like that. So to your point that can't be replicated through a YouTube sermon or a TikTok reel or whatever it would be like it is maybe an element of that's a part of that but there's nothing like the local church. So maybe to who's ever listening to. I think that'd be a specific thing of you might have good spiritual influence as a part of your life but those still won't add up the same way I think present people in the local church do so so that would be I think a really practical step is don't just consume good content material but look for the people who are going to be there. While hopefully you're hearing that from pastors and volunteers and whoever else is leading.

Kyle: I would say to pray for encouragement for youth pastors today

Dr. Jessica Peck: Kyle, how can we pray for youth pastors today?

Kyle Backhus: Yeah, I would say to pray for encouragement. There is a weight that goes along with that and it can be really heavy. I think praying for families too. A lot of my friends that I talk to her in ministry, the first place they feel that attack is their family, families and remembering that their fathers were people, people first, human beings first. And that matters. Not just going at such a fast pace that they can't do what's most important and that's care for their family.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, that's a great message for you today. Encourage your youth pastor. If you have a great youth pastor, text them, call them, send them a gift card, do something to encourage them today. And I pray that as you do, no matter where you are, what you're doing, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. Hey, I'll see you right back here tomorrow. We'd like to thank our sponsors including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion. And every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies lives. Will you join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR the views and.

Jeff Chamblee: Opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

Student Pastor Kyle Backhus is in studio with Jessica to discuss healthy student ministry environments and helping teenagers plug in. 

Find Kyle on Instagram @kylebackhus_ or email him [email protected]