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: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Today is our last day for tech before we move on to safety
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day on, ah, my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay, friends. And we are just streaming toward the fall already. I know I do not feel any signs. I live on the Texas Gulf Coast. I do not, not feel any signs of fall in the air yet. And yet somehow I'm, already wanting a pumpkin spice latte. Yes, I am that kind of person. I am. I know and let everybody cringe and groan. But wherever you are, we are looking toward the last quarter of the year here. And as we're looking, as I'm looking back as well as looking forward, and I'm so grateful to those of you who have joined us on this journey. In January, we started start a journey every Friday. We talk about habits for healthy families. And I know it is not in the miraculous life hack or instant cure that are going to make families better. It's in those daily disciplines. And we started way back in January with four core spiritual disciplines. And then we talked about six rhythms that your family needs, eight communication habits. And then we spent all summer talking about tech. And today is our last day, day for tech before we move on to safety.
One of the greatest concerns that I hear from parents is about safety
Now, there's some overlap here today because we're going to talk about tech safety. But I hope that as you've listened that you have been thoughtful about how your family can implement some of those tech habits. Whether it's a tech sabbath or tech transparency or tech tracking, tech tidying, tech free zones, tech free times. The options are endless. But the bottom line is if we're not intentional about creating tech habits, the tech is just going to create the habits for us. And it is not neutral. It is influencing our family's ecosystem and it is discipling our family. And one of the greatest concerns that I hear from parents is about safety. Now I'm starting today a series where we're talking about ways to keep your family safe, which is really important. And we'll talk about all kinds of things. Sun safety, water safety. But today we're talking about one of the greatest questions that I get, and that's are my kids safe, safe online? And the answer is no, Your kids are not inherently safe in technology. We are living in a world that is actually quite dangerous. And that is the reality of it. Now, God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a power and love and a sound mind. And God does not call us to be fearful about this world, to be faithful, but to be faithful in it. But the reality is it is hard when we think about today's world that is not very, very safe. And when older generations before the Internet grew up, if you grew up before the Internet, you had, you didn't have an online life. You just had life that was real life. And now there's this blurred boundary with no distinction between online life and real life, and that there's no hard line between the two. Friendships, identity formation, entertainment, curiosity, even things like emotional regulation are shaped through these little tiny devices that fit in pockets and backpacks, but connect people to a global system that is designed with intention to capture their attention, to shape their behavior, to monetize engagement, and to exploit them for harm. That is a reality. So I'll be talking about some of those things today. You may want to adjust your listening audience. If you have little ears, sensitive ears around, know that I will talk gently, I will speak gently. But these are things that we need to know about. Because the reality is most parents, parents and grandparents today were not trained for this world. We can teach our kids how to drive a car because we learned how to drive a car. We learned how to tie our shoes, how to eat with a fork, those kinds of things. But we are parenting in an environment where we. I, did not experience life online as a child, so it's hard to anticipate those dangers. And we are parenting in an environment where algorithms are more consistent in our kids lives than adult supervision. I want you to think about that for a minute. Algorithms are supervising more than adults are. That is just absolutely true. Kids have more interaction with algorithms than in person engaged. Intentional adult supervision exposure will come before developmental readiness. We do not live in a world anymore where we can protect our kids from everything. We just cannot. And as much as it grieves my heart to say that accepting the reality of that is going to help better prepare our kids to navigate the swiftly moving cultural currents that they are swimming in, we cannot protect our kids from everything. They will be exposed to something in this world before they're developmentally ready for it. It will happen. And the sooner that we accept that, the more that we can start to prepare for that. And we also live in a world where privacy is assumed, but it's rarely protected. We are on camera all the time. You can't be in any public space without having some influencer videoing, you in the background at a restaurant as they talk about their meal or they videotape a school board meeting or wherever we go. We have no privacy. And it's creating this low level level anxiety and also exposing our kids to some safety risks from that exposure and normal online behavior. It often just drifts far from, from healthy development when we don't have that plumb line of God's standards. For us now, this is not just a tech safety issue, it's a formational issue. And for families of faith this becomes an even deeper thing. Because we need to know what or who is shaping our kids minds, their values, their identity and what is coming after their safety when we are not in the physical room or in the digital room protecting it. Now there are dangers associated with online or tech exposure and often we underestimate these. We think oh yeah, that happens, but not to me or oh that happens but that's not so bad. We can't underestimate the danger. So let's walk in and take a realistic look around those. These are not fun to look at or fun to talk about, but they are important.
So let's talk about the dangers to cognitive and neurological impact brain development
So let's talk about the dangers to cognitive and neurological impact brain development. Here we have online a dopamine driven design. This creates dependency patterns in developing brains. So we have dopamine driven design. These little micro interactions that give them a little hits of feel good. Somebody likes your post. It's a streak, it's a engagement, it's a notification, it's attention that's teaching kids to, to seek that out. And you would be naive to think that predators don't exploit that and they're going to harness that, that that pattern of behavior to lure them into a relationship. We also have this constant stimulation that reduces attention span and deep thinking capacity. So when we look back Hind is 2020, oh, we can see the danger there. But in the moment I'm not really paying attention and I'm not really thinking very deeply about it. So I don't recognize it. I'm less attentive to danger. We also have sleep disruption from nighttime scrolling. I talked about that last week. That affects mood and memory and growth. These are safety risk factors. If you have somebody who's tired, that's going to be safety risk factors where they can't remember things if they're not growing appropriately. Now, beyond brain development, we also have dangers in emotional and mental because we have things like comparison culture that's going to fuel anxiety and depression and body image distortion. We have this highlight real living where we see curated images of other people's perfect life that just creates false expectations of normal life. And I think my life can never live up to that. I'm never going to have those kind of vacations. I'm never going to have those kind of clothes. I'm never going to have that kind of social influence. And I'm just quietly growing more and more discontent. Why is this a danger? Because predators seek discontentment. What is that in your life you feel like you don't have? What is the need that I can fill? Do you need attention? Do you need love? Do you need security? Do you need finances? What do you need? What is that discontentment that I can feel? And the online validation becomes identity reinforcement. Likes tell me how much I'm worth. The social developmental gaps that are there too happen. This is a danger because we have reduced face to face conflict resolution skills. Kids don't know how to resolve their relationship so they seek the easiest, most conflict free relationship. You know who exploits that? Predators. Oh, I'm not, I'm not going to judge your choices. Oh, I'm not going to tell you what you're doing is wrong. Oh, I think people just misunderstand you. I think it's perfectly fine what you're doing. Danger, danger, danger. Also, we have online forums that delay emotional regulation maturity. So I can't regulate my emotions. So maybe I'll seek out a predator who's going to do that for me, who's going to help me emotionally regulate. Now I'll talk about. Don't think of predators is just the bad guy online. There are different kinds of predators. Hang on with me and I'll tell you about those in a minute. But also when we have a, constant engagement online, sometimes it's really difficult to read the tone or the nonverbal cues that are there. And we can totally misinterpret that. Especially kids who interpret tone for, oh, this seems, seems healthy. This seems concerned when we would think, oh no, that, that seems predatorial. We also have moral and identity formation risks because when we have early exposure to sexualized content, to violence, to Distorted intimacy. These things desensitize our kids to think these things are normal. There's an algorithmic reinforcement of curiosity into escalation loops. So they're curious. They click on one thing. It's the for you page. Never seen this before. I don't even know. My brain doesn't know how to even interpret this. So I'm going to click another thing because my brain needs more information to input. That's what I'm thinking is my brain needs more information. So let me click this and click this, and all of a sudden you have this. Escalation loops. Oh, you like that? Oh, let's feed you more of that. Oh, let's increase the intensity. Oh, let's increase the. The level of violence here. let's see how far into this you'll go and how much we can keep you on. This is such a dangerous thing that can happen to kids. And then they don't talk to you about it because they don't have words to explain it. They feel shame, but they're not sure why. They think, you know, you're going to be so disappointed in them. There is confusion there. That is important because kids don't learn until their late teens or early twenties how to align their spiritual values with their moral behaviors. And so it's just very much just a. A legalistic kind of framework. Like, I do this and it's right, and then I get in trou. I do wrong. And so parents think, oh, they've violated all their values when really, developmentally they haven't been able to do that. There's also a spiritual formation challenge because we have competing voices of formation influencers who are discipling our kids. We have distraction that is displacing prayer and scripture and family connection and rhythms and a subtle reshaping and sometimes not so subtle reshaping of worldview with parents not even knowing what's going on. I find that a lot of parents, when they sit down and watch what their kids are actually watching, they're. They're shocked. They think, oh, that's a kids show. And I hear a lot of people talking about it. And so it's just a kid's show, and I don't have any interest to watch it, but, you know, my kid would make good choices, but they don't know. So the key truth here is that tech is not neutral in how it's designed. Even if it's neutral in how it can be used, it's not neutral. We've got to reframe the Cultural reality. We've got to name and claim the cultural realities that are kids are facing today. We often think that connected is safe, that if they're connected, they're safe. So what do I mean by that? Well, if my child is at home, they're safe. We worry about the stranger on the street. We don't worry about the 2,000 strangers they're inviting into their bedroom every night through social media. And we think, oh, if content is popular, it must be harmless. Everybody's watching. If everybody's doing it, it must be developmentally appropriate. That's just what kids do these days. None of those things are true. And one of the greatest harms that I see on social media is normalization of early exposure. And across gaming, any online interaction in movies and media, sexual content is no longer found accidentally, it's no longer sought out. It is targeted and delivered in multiple ways. We see violence and profanity and adult themes. These things are algorithmically blended into an entertainment feed and it's really confusing for kids. And we see peer to peer sharing that introduces content way earlier than most parents expect. They can share it through text messages, through shoulder surfing. If your child doesn't even have a device, they can look at that. There's also a privacy illusion because children are told, hey, a, delete means it's gone, even if it's not. I have seen so many, so many cases of kids who just think they're experimenting in the privacy of their own ecosystem, not realizing that there is a permanent digital footprint and they don't even realize what's going to happen. They think a private account means it's private. It rarely is or only friends can see this. Their screenshots, their shares, their data capture. It increases their risk taking while increasing their experience exposure as well. Hey, when we come back, there's a lot more dangers to talk about, but there is hope and there is help. I'll, talk about what to do, how to respond, keeping our kids safe in tech use. I'll be right back.
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Goodbye Yesterday by Elevation Rhythm and Gracie Binion: Goodbye yesterday I'm living in the light of a new day I won't waste another minute in my old ways Praise the Lord, I've been born again Goodbye yesterday I'm living in the light of a new day I won't waste another minute in my own ways Praise the Lord I've been born again.
Today I'm talking all things tech safety for kids and technology
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is Goodbye Yesterday by elevation rhythm and I'm so glad that we can say yes goodbye to some of the things that are in yesterday. Our failures, our flaws, our, fall downs. But there is a, greater trend right now. Some of us don't want to say goodbye to yesterday. We're very nostalgic and nostalgia trends are sweeping the Internet and we think, oh, for the day when there was no Internet, when there was no social media. And I've seen lots of AI generated posts like, oh, enjoy Christmas morning in 1986 and you see how it is. And oh, we want so much to go back to that. And there are things that I would love to go back to for sure, but that's not the reality that today's kids are looking in. And being nostalgic can make us feel better in the moment, but it's not going to equip our kids for the future. And today I'm talking all things tech safety. How do we keep our kids online? One of the, I'm talking about some of the underrated, under recognized safety threats for kids and technology. And we've talked about how normalized early exposure is and how they start to think, well, this is normal. This is how everybody interacts. Like, this is how the world works. And we can tell them, no, this is not how the world works. This is not the norm. This is not the standard for relationships and how it should be. And this is a problem because social media, online gaming, online platforms, they are fast and we are living at the speed of a smartphone. And things that children, ways that children are disadvantaged here is that their thumb moves faster than their judgment. We put a fast smartphone, a digital device in their hand, a gaming console, a computer, and their thumb just is impulsive. And they just think, oh, yeah, I'm curious. I, I just want to see. They don't think through the Consequences. And such a great disadvantage. The curiosity moves way faster than their thoughts of the consequences. And they're often, totally unprepared for the consequences. Because before where experimenting, risk taking happened in person, it was much slower. This is so much fast, faster. And social pressure moves a lot faster than parental presence. We also have the very real threat of cancel culture. Kids almost cannot make a mistake. And sometimes they can make mistakes. They can make really big ones. They have one impulsive post and it, it can change the course of their lives. That is a scary place to be in. That one impulsive post just outlives their developmental immaturity. And we think, okay, their life is over. And we have kids who make a digital mistake like that and they think, I'll never recover from this. And they rapidly go to a point of desperation, even to the point of taking their own life, because they can't imagine. They're more afraid of living in the consequences of that mistake than they are of dying. And that is a very sobering reality because mistakes are increasingly permanent in digital ecosystems and shame spreads much faster than grace. And we're talking about kids here. We're talking about kids. We are raising children in a world that is demanding adult judgment from a child's brain. And that is just not fair. Now, what can this look like? I told you I was going to talk to you about predators.
As technology advances, so do the methods used to target children and we
And so let's talk about predators for a minute because this is a question that I get a lot for children online. For children today, the online world is the modern version of Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Do I have any other Gen Xers, Baby boomers out there? I know my kids, when I showed them Mr. Rogers, they think the puppets are creepy. They think, how in the world is this soothing to you? But it was soothing to us. This is an inviting place that offers friendship and fun and a sense of belonging. Now these human longings reflect God given desires for relationship and connection and purpose. But when we live in a digital culture that is filled with counterfeits of those God given desires, those good desires are redirected and distorted. Now children enter the digital ecosphere, much like it's Mr. Rogers neighborhood. And they just kind of go from platform to platform thinking, oh, hey, things are just being handed out here for free. This is a nice, fun place. And the truth is they encounter digital threats that erode their innocence, that distort their truth and damage relationships. Digital culture is designed by default to normalize what God meant to be protected. And this leaves children vulnerable. Now cue all of the accusations of, you know, overprotecting children. We should overprotect children, children as much as we can. We should protect them from what is in the world while also preparing them to navigate it. And as technology advances, so do the methods that are used to target children and we. Unlike, the obvious real world dangers that provoke fear, the Internet works with far more subtle strategies. Children are quietly shaped by messages that normalize deviant behaviors, dysfunctional attitudes that are outside of what God designed to be protected within appropriate boundaries. And it leaves them more vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. Now we're all familiar with child predators. We look for them on the street, we look for them in our communities, we look for them online. To a certain extent, this is something that a parent can more easily recognize. They use predictable tactics to slowly build trust to meet emotional needs, and then they ultimately exploit that relationship by harming the child in a personal, very personal way. And while parents, again, we recognize this tactic in real life, it is harder to recognize it online because predators are operating freely across the online world. They're in social media, they're in gaming platforms, they're in messaging apps, they're in live stream, they're even in AI interactions. And they are increasingly sophisticated. And they often form emotional connections with children that really feel good and that really seem harmless before they introduce harmful behaviors. Oftentimes while parents remain completely unaware that any digital interaction has even occurred.
Predators using AI to create chatbots to target vulnerable children
And of great concern, one of the things I'm following because this is where I am in this space as a professor in child harm, child abuse, child trafficking, we see that predators are using AI to create these hyper personalized AI chatbots that have very manipulative communication with alarming precision. So in other words, they can go to AI and say, I have a kid in this situation with this vulnerabilities, create a Persona that would be appealing to them. And AI can do that. And we see rapidly proliferating forms of what's called sadistic online exploitation. I'm not going to go into any details of that here, but I'm talking about exposing children to very extreme violence at younger ages. It accelerates their desensitization to harm and it makes them engage in even self harm for others to, to monetize. It is awful, awful, awful. But here's the thing. There are real person child predators. They are in our communities, they're in our churches, they're in our schools, they're, they're all around us, they are online. But not all grooming is done by a specific person. Children are increasingly Discipled by the culture of the online environment itself. And they can be groomed by online exposures. I'm, talking about things like algorithms or influencers or pure dynamics or just social media, the way it collectively shapes beliefs and behaviors. These powerful platforms condition a child's heart for cultural messaging that is going to normalize overtly sexual abusive, violent, harmful dynamics in relationships. And over time, kids absorb these ideas without recognizing that they're greatly distorted from a biblical worldview. Because we see violence increasingly normalized through pornography exposures and teenage relationships. We're talking about things like choking and other forms of violence. Now this form of cultural grooming, it's quieter, but it's more pervasive. And it makes it really difficult for parents to identify because it may feel very ordinary to kids. Like, yeah, mom, dad, that's how the world works. Now, culture is going to capitalize on children's limited capacity for abstract reasoning. And this leaves a lot of kids who engage in worldly norms only to be confused and devastated when they realize, oh, this is not, not helpful. This is in fact harmful. So whether grooming enters by predator or popular culture, the strategy is similar. Both tactics trick, children into trusting a voice that's not God's. And both create relational distance between kids and healthy, safe and wise authority figures in their life. Both forces redefine truth and normalize harm. And so when human safeguards act as filters, we see that that's important. Monitoring is important. Device restrictions are important. They're not sufficient in and of themselves. However, before we get really scared here, let us be reminded that God does not call us to be fearful. He calls us to be faithful. And we need to be encouraged that the most effective protection is and always has been, always will be discipleship. Children who are deeply loved, who are securely connected to their families, who are grounded in biblical tribes truth, they are better equipped to recognize deception and recover from harm. We cannot prevent any harm that's going to happen. We cannot prevent any risk that our children are going to have. But we can help prevent as much as we can. We can promote early disclosure. We can, our discovery, and we can help them recover. So encourage your kids to come to you anytime they encounter anything that makes them feel unsafe, Even if they don't have the words to fully describe them, their experience or their emotions. Be understanding when their limited ability to recognize that harm and reassure them when they are tricked it's not their fault, and seek wise counsel or professional guidance when it's needed. When your kids do experience harms as parents, we have a calling to do our very best to protect children from threats to their safety and well being. And again, we can help them recognize the counterfeit of culture that look like something that's harm, that's harmless, which is really harmful. Let me talk to you about some specific scenarios. Let's make it concrete because we talk about online danger or stranger danger. What does that real look, really look like? Let me give you some real world entry points based on what I've experienced clinically, socially and seen in literature. All right, let's give you some specifics. First is a gaming chat.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Chat.
Dr. Jessica Peck: A gaming chat can just start off as you know you're playing a popular game online. A friendly teammate just starts chatting with you regularly and then moves the conversation. Hey, let's move out of this group chat into a private chat. Hey, let's move from game talk to personal questions. Hey, let's move from this platform, on the gaming platform to a more private platform. Let's go from harmless to emotional. Hey, you're the only one who understands me. This is a first step in grooming dynamics. Even when it doesn't initially appear harmful, that's why kids have a hard time seeing it. Identity is still forming, so children bond with others quickly. Anonymity creates a false sense of trust because adults can easily pose as peers. So what do you do to protect them there? Keep gaming consoles in your shared spaces. Don't let them have private messaging features. Tell, disable them if you can and tell them no private messages online require. Show me who you're talking to transparency and teach a simple rule like no moving conversations off platform without talking about it with me. That's a way you can protect kids in gaming.
Avoid apps with disappearing content features for kids because they're confusing
Another context is vanishing content. There are so many apps that say, hey, everything disappears. Now for adults, you may think, you know, that everything lives in the digital ecosystem forever. But for kids, that can be really hard to think. They think concretely. They think if the photo disappears, if there's no trace messaging, if it's just private sharing among friends, like then that's, that's what's going to happen. So maybe kids start experimenting with impulsive photos like taking photos of themselves or AI alterating, altering photos, jokes that escalate or peer pressure to send it if you trust it. To me, these are dangerous because screenshots or other apps that capture content defeat disappearing claims and they're really confusing for kids. Peer pressure lowers inhibition and normalization of private content begins early. Saying, this is just between me and you and it's normal to share intimate things between friends. That is not God's design. So what can you do about it for protection? Well, avoid or delay apps with disappearing content features. Explain to your kids how those work, show them how it works, works and tell them if you wouldn't want it seen, if you wouldn't want me to see it, don't send it. And reinforce that nothing digital is truly temporary. But we have to teach this over time. Another danger is algorithmic recommendation loops. So you don't search for it, but it comes to you. So a child may start with innocent content. They're looking at sports clips, at dance videos, at funny memes, and then within minutes or days, it's gradually introducing some inappropriate humor, some body comparison, some idealized lifestyle feed some. Now we're going to have some sexualized content, maybe some violence or other things they may be curious about. Now kids are not choosing the progression. Algorithms are optimizing for engagement, not for kids well being. And that exposure is going to happen without them ever intentionally searching for anything. So what can we do to protect them? Well, we can use restrictions when possible, recognizing that these are not a fail safe. But regularly review the watch history together. What, what does your algorithm look like? I'll tell you. My family actually did this the other night. We broke our no, phone rule and brought our phones to the dinner table and everybody showed their, the first three videos in their algorithm. And we could see so clearly how everybody's algorithm M was really, really different. And we also had some transparency and accountability in there. And this is the kind of things that I'm obviously seeking out because it's feeding it to me. So teach kids, just because it appears online doesn't mean it belongs in your mind. And just do that feed audit as a family practice. Another danger is that group chats that become social pressure chambers. I've definitely encountered this as a mom. We have a class group chat, a team group chat, and all of a sudden the jokes escalate really quickly and you've got bullying, you've got screenshots shared outside the original contents and kids are going to feel pressured to keep up or to participate or not to say anything. There's a constant social evaluation there and fear of missing out or being excluded, and a really shocking normalization of cruel humor or explicit language. We've got to make sure that we, that we're reviewing those group chats together and teaching kids silence is participation. If harm is happening, you can't just be silent, you gotta talk about it. We'll talk more about it when we come back. Keeping your kids safe online. I'll see you right after the break.
Mark Oss: When you hear the letters afr, there are a lot of things that could come to mind. Automotive Finders Resource, Alligator Frying Research or the association of Flying Rednecks. All great organizations, no doubt. But we hope the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear AFR is American Family Radio, a, listener supported network dedicated to sharing the gospel and promoting godly values. God expects maturity in us. we should not be comfortable living with, with habitual sins.
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No Fear by Jon Reddick and We The Kingdom: Arrows flying. Devil's trying to make me think I'm going down this time. You might think that I'd be afraid Running scared with the shaking faith. But the God I know says it ain't over. The God I know's gonna make a. Though I walk through the valley I will have no fear, no fear. The mighty power of Jesus is fighting for. Of the world makes the darkness disappear.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is no Fear by Jon Reddick and we the kingdom. and that is a good reminder for us today that God has not given us a spirit of fear. As parents, as grandparents, as adults living in this world, we look at the world and we think, where is the world going? And the threats that kids are, are experiencing online that can make us really, really fearful. But God has given you your children for such a time as this and he's equipped you with everything you need to be able to keep them safe online. Today we're talking about online safety, starting a new segment in our Healthy Habits series where we're talking about safety. And today is tech safety. How do we keep our kids online? Now, to be honest with you, I could talk about this for a month straight. I could take each one of these scenarios that I'm giving you and break it down into a whole show because there are so many things that we have to navigate. But, we need to learn, we need to not be, have a fearful spirit, but a faithful spirit. Continue to learn, continue to be curious and continue to engage in helping to keep your kids safe online.
Group chats can be really hard, but it is important to monitor them
Now, before the break I was talking about some specific scenarios that have come, and I was right in the middle of talking about group chats, which are every parent's favorite. Am I right? Said no parent ever. The group chats can be really hard, but it is so important for us to monitor those because there is a crowd dynamic that happens in there and things can go south in a hurry. And I shared an experience of that as a mom in my book Behind Closed Doors, A Guide for Parents and Teens to Navigate Life's Toughest Issues, where I talked about a group chat that my son was in and it went south in a hurry. My husband inserted himself and said, hey, there was. It was a sports chat. And he said, this is not the conversation to be having. And of course, these boys who did not have advanced developmental reasoning thought, oh, that's so funny. You're. You're pretending to be your dad. Ha ha. little did they know, they found out the next day that that was. That was indeed my son's dad who inserted himself into the group chat. But you know what I found my son had was gratitude. He was so grateful to have the pressure of that chat removed because they did not involve him in any of those chats. Again, it's hard. We've got to give kids grace and space. They are going to make mistakes in this digital world. They just are. We cannot give them this powerful technology that moves so fast and expect them to be perfect in it, because we are not perfect in it. And we have got to make sure that we are talking about them having understanding for their limited ability to understand things. And so have a layered protection in place. We want to safeguard, make sure we're putting the monitors talking about it, but also teaching them about the character underneath it and having grace and a path for restoration when they mess up.
Another safety is image sharing and AI manipulation risks. These have been normalized through social media filters
Another safety is image sharing and AI manipulation risks. Now, this is very hard because these are. These have been normalized for a long time through social media filters. You put cute bunny ears on or sunglasses or any kind of filter, and it feels harmless. Or. And now those, though. But how do you manipulate someone's image without their consent? Well, it's done a lot by adults who send deep fakes that are funny from athletes or political figures, and it normalizes changing an image. You also have the normalization of explicit images shared between consensual relationships or just having exposure to those. And how are we supposed to expect kids to understand that that is not okay? We've got to talk about digitally altering images, and it is dangerous because you have Loss of control over personal images. And it's traumatic for people who experience it, and it is traumatic for kids who engage in it without realizing the consequences of that. So we've got to make sure that we are having these conversations about protecting digital images and not altering any image in any way without permission and without the boundaries that God given to us. Another danger is trauma dumping or emotional confession spaces, spaces. This can happen with kids, and they just turn to anonymous forums or influencers or chat tools or advice communities to say, oh, I'm having this problem, I'm having this pain. I'm, having a struggle with my family, a mental health issue, a question about my identity, or a secret. I don't feel like I can tell someone else. And this is dangerous because there is no accountability, there's no maturity in the responses. And predators are waiting there to shape their identity formation or groom them into an abusive or exploitative relationship. That is really dangerous. So how do we protect them at home? Well, we normalize emotional conversations. Ask regularly. Who do you talk to first? When you feel overwhelmed? Who do you feel like you can go to first? Who do you trust most in your life? Make sure you're actively identifying adults in their real life who trust who can be their primary support system. And that is important. Even things like journaling or having a family debrief instead of an anonymous disclosure is really important. As I said, I could talk about each of those situations for a whole hour. But that's just a tour of kind of some of the dangers that exist in the digital world. And they don't look like danger most of the time at the beginning. Kids, especially do not identify dangers. They see friendship, they see entertain, they see curiosity, they see belonging. And that's why protection can't just be restriction. It's got to be relational presence and continuing conversations and guided discernment and discipleship. Because kids don't need just filters. They need formation. That intentional safety doesn't happen by accident. Most kids who experience harm online isn't because their parents didn't care about them. They just weren't actively steering the ship. It requires ongoing attention, and apathy is running rampant among adults today. I just don't have time to keep up with all of this. It's understandable, but the digital world is not pausing and giving grace for parental fatigue. We've got to find ways to take care of ourselves so we can be vigilant. And when we have a lack of knowledge, it creates false confidence. Most parents assume, hey, if I don't see A problem. There isn't one. But most, most online risks are invisible until that exposure has already occurred. And many times you can just be blindsided as a parent thinking, I never thought they'd fall for that. I, I did. I thought that they knew more than that. I thought that they understood more than that. They don't. It's hard. It's really, really hard. Kids know more about the technology, but parents know more about the dangers. And so you don't have to master every platform to recognize grooming patterns or secrecy shifts or emotional withdrawal or content escalation loops where you're seeing that the greatest risk isn't the exposure, it's the normalization of the exposure. It's not just a part of growing up. And we need to tell kids it's not okay for you to see that. It's not okay to watch that. I'm sorry you experienced that. I'm sorry that you saw that. Safety is going to grow where curiosity replaces avoidance. So instead of, instead of avoiding it, just thinking, nope, let's batten the hat. Those families who are willing to learn to ask and engage even when you do it imperfectly, they're going to have more protected kids over time. And if we don't intentionally seek to disciple our kids and protect them, it's going to happen for us. So simple practices like pausing before you post, before you click, before you apply, if you feel rushed, if you feel pressured, if you feel emotional, just wait, wait, just pause. Don't just engage in that emotion that can cause an exposure that, that makes them at risk for grooming. You can also teach kids if it feels secretive, it's probably not safe. If it's a secret, it's probably not safe. I teach my kids, if somebody asks them, can you keep a secret? No, I cannot. My parents do not allow me to keep secrets from them. I tell them everything. So anytime you're asking, asked, to keep something hidden, a message, a photo, a conversation, a friendship, an interaction that's crossing a boundary. Healthy relationships do not require secrecy. Now there's some as thing as privacy, but that's not the same thing. And we could tell our kids. Stranger danger still exists, but it often looks like friendship first. Online harm rarely starts with threats. It starts with attention and compliments and shared interest. That is important. Important. We need to teach our kids. Nothing online is truly private. Nothing is temporary. Everything can be saved or shared or re shared. It's important to tell kids your gut feeling is part of your safety system. So if something feels off, if Something feels confusing or weird or you're just not sure. It makes your body feel weird. It makes your mind feel confused. Just come and tell a trusted adult. They are allowed to exit to block to tell an adult. No explanation required.
Have a conversation about tech use with your kids about boundaries and safeguards
That's important. Make it a normal thing to tell your kids. You're not allowed to move any conversations into private spaces without checking. Like if you're trying to shift from public comments or group chat into a dm, a private app, that is always a concerning sign and something that warrants further attention. Tell kids you are never in trouble for telling the truth early. Kids often say silent because they're afraid that they'll lose their device, that they'll get punished, that you'll think less of them. Reinforce that coming forward quickly. This is the safest choice. Even if you made a mistake. Tell me the truth early. Tell your kids if someone asks for pictures, ask for personal information or emotional secrets. Stop and check with a trusted adult. That is just a simple decision. Checkpoint. Don't just give it to them. Be careful what you're training the algorithm to show you.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So online safety isn't just about avoiding danger. It's about building these instincts that are strong enough to recognize it early and step in before it grows. So that is really important. So to, recap here, some of the important safety tips that I can give you is have a conversation about tech use. Not just rules, but an ongoing conversation. Delay access as much as you possibly can. And then when they do get access, stage it. Don't give them full access. Use developmental stages. Start with supervised access. Gradually expand trust. Create some boundaries that protect them. Some simple boundaries, like no devices in their bedroom and having a parking station after a set hour, having intentional relational engagement. Those things are really important. Important to teach them digital discernment. Who created this conversation, this content, and why? Why should I say this? Why should I post this? What? Why am I sharing this? Just have those conversations and we've got to normalize. Repair conversations too. Mistakes will happen. We can speak the truth without humiliation. Many times when kids make a mistake online, they are going to experience social, relational, maybe academic consequences of that. Oftentimes, all we can do as parents is pile shame on top of guilt on top of those consequences. That is not a helpful strategy. We can speak the truth without humiliation. We can say, you're a great kid who made a really unfortunate mistake. You're a great kid who made a poor choice. You. That is important. Separate that identity from the behavior. Create that path back. Not a permanent label because they think they'll be canceled forever. And this is who I am. Instead of a mistake I made. We've got to teach repentance, responsibility and restoration. That is really, really important.
Cyber Safety Research Center evaluated 86 youth safety features across social media platforms
And when we're looking at the headlines home, front headlines we're at here now we know that nobody is going to be as invested in keeping our kids safe as we are. And so one of the headlines that I saw this week was, a new evaluation by the Cyber Safety Research Center. And this looked at 86 youth safety features across social media platforms. And these researchers were looking at safety tools that are so often advertised by online platforms, platforms. And they wanted to know, do they actually work as they were advertised? Were they realistically discoverable? Were they usable by teens? And only 35 of those 86 features met criteria. And that means more than half of tested safety protections failed in real world conditions. And safety tools were often buried hard to find. They were ineffective when they were using them in the real world. They were bypassable with simple workarounds. And we saw researchers found examples, examples like suggesting harmful or self harm content even after the safety design claimed it wouldn't. Or they were misspelling. They could misspell something to bypass content restrictions. Or adult accounts were still able to message or connect with minors in certain conditions. Or these pause or take a break prompts could easily be just dismissed or snoozed. And this, the missing, missing safety features were also identified. So safety features only work if they're easy to find, if they're turned on by default and they're resistant to normal teen behavior and workaround. Which means that is a pretty high bar to clear. This matters because those, this is so important for families. We need to make sure we are engaging. We can't just assume, oh, this app has safety fixtures so my child is protected. We've got to engage in that more, be more relationally engaged. Assume that it may give you some protection, but not full protection. Prioritize active parenting over passive technology settings and talk to your kids about how these things work. We'll talk about this more. Continuing on Fridays on Homefront Headlines and more. As we talk about keeping up our kids safe, I'll be talking also about body safety and how we help our kids to prevent abuse and exploitation. As you do that important work, know that the I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you. Make his face shine upon you. I'll see you right back here on Monday.
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: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Today is our last day for tech before we move on to safety
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day on, ah, my favorite day of the week. It is fry. Yay, friends. And we are just streaming toward the fall already. I know I do not feel any signs. I live on the Texas Gulf Coast. I do not, not feel any signs of fall in the air yet. And yet somehow I'm, already wanting a pumpkin spice latte. Yes, I am that kind of person. I am. I know and let everybody cringe and groan. But wherever you are, we are looking toward the last quarter of the year here. And as we're looking, as I'm looking back as well as looking forward, and I'm so grateful to those of you who have joined us on this journey. In January, we started start a journey every Friday. We talk about habits for healthy families. And I know it is not in the miraculous life hack or instant cure that are going to make families better. It's in those daily disciplines. And we started way back in January with four core spiritual disciplines. And then we talked about six rhythms that your family needs, eight communication habits. And then we spent all summer talking about tech. And today is our last day, day for tech before we move on to safety.
One of the greatest concerns that I hear from parents is about safety
Now, there's some overlap here today because we're going to talk about tech safety. But I hope that as you've listened that you have been thoughtful about how your family can implement some of those tech habits. Whether it's a tech sabbath or tech transparency or tech tracking, tech tidying, tech free zones, tech free times. The options are endless. But the bottom line is if we're not intentional about creating tech habits, the tech is just going to create the habits for us. And it is not neutral. It is influencing our family's ecosystem and it is discipling our family. And one of the greatest concerns that I hear from parents is about safety. Now I'm starting today a series where we're talking about ways to keep your family safe, which is really important. And we'll talk about all kinds of things. Sun safety, water safety. But today we're talking about one of the greatest questions that I get, and that's are my kids safe, safe online? And the answer is no, Your kids are not inherently safe in technology. We are living in a world that is actually quite dangerous. And that is the reality of it. Now, God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a power and love and a sound mind. And God does not call us to be fearful about this world, to be faithful, but to be faithful in it. But the reality is it is hard when we think about today's world that is not very, very safe. And when older generations before the Internet grew up, if you grew up before the Internet, you had, you didn't have an online life. You just had life that was real life. And now there's this blurred boundary with no distinction between online life and real life, and that there's no hard line between the two. Friendships, identity formation, entertainment, curiosity, even things like emotional regulation are shaped through these little tiny devices that fit in pockets and backpacks, but connect people to a global system that is designed with intention to capture their attention, to shape their behavior, to monetize engagement, and to exploit them for harm. That is a reality. So I'll be talking about some of those things today. You may want to adjust your listening audience. If you have little ears, sensitive ears around, know that I will talk gently, I will speak gently. But these are things that we need to know about. Because the reality is most parents, parents and grandparents today were not trained for this world. We can teach our kids how to drive a car because we learned how to drive a car. We learned how to tie our shoes, how to eat with a fork, those kinds of things. But we are parenting in an environment where we. I, did not experience life online as a child, so it's hard to anticipate those dangers. And we are parenting in an environment where algorithms are more consistent in our kids lives than adult supervision. I want you to think about that for a minute. Algorithms are supervising more than adults are. That is just absolutely true. Kids have more interaction with algorithms than in person engaged. Intentional adult supervision exposure will come before developmental readiness. We do not live in a world anymore where we can protect our kids from everything. We just cannot. And as much as it grieves my heart to say that accepting the reality of that is going to help better prepare our kids to navigate the swiftly moving cultural currents that they are swimming in, we cannot protect our kids from everything. They will be exposed to something in this world before they're developmentally ready for it. It will happen. And the sooner that we accept that, the more that we can start to prepare for that. And we also live in a world where privacy is assumed, but it's rarely protected. We are on camera all the time. You can't be in any public space without having some influencer videoing, you in the background at a restaurant as they talk about their meal or they videotape a school board meeting or wherever we go. We have no privacy. And it's creating this low level level anxiety and also exposing our kids to some safety risks from that exposure and normal online behavior. It often just drifts far from, from healthy development when we don't have that plumb line of God's standards. For us now, this is not just a tech safety issue, it's a formational issue. And for families of faith this becomes an even deeper thing. Because we need to know what or who is shaping our kids minds, their values, their identity and what is coming after their safety when we are not in the physical room or in the digital room protecting it. Now there are dangers associated with online or tech exposure and often we underestimate these. We think oh yeah, that happens, but not to me or oh that happens but that's not so bad. We can't underestimate the danger. So let's walk in and take a realistic look around those. These are not fun to look at or fun to talk about, but they are important.
So let's talk about the dangers to cognitive and neurological impact brain development
So let's talk about the dangers to cognitive and neurological impact brain development. Here we have online a dopamine driven design. This creates dependency patterns in developing brains. So we have dopamine driven design. These little micro interactions that give them a little hits of feel good. Somebody likes your post. It's a streak, it's a engagement, it's a notification, it's attention that's teaching kids to, to seek that out. And you would be naive to think that predators don't exploit that and they're going to harness that, that that pattern of behavior to lure them into a relationship. We also have this constant stimulation that reduces attention span and deep thinking capacity. So when we look back Hind is 2020, oh, we can see the danger there. But in the moment I'm not really paying attention and I'm not really thinking very deeply about it. So I don't recognize it. I'm less attentive to danger. We also have sleep disruption from nighttime scrolling. I talked about that last week. That affects mood and memory and growth. These are safety risk factors. If you have somebody who's tired, that's going to be safety risk factors where they can't remember things if they're not growing appropriately. Now, beyond brain development, we also have dangers in emotional and mental because we have things like comparison culture that's going to fuel anxiety and depression and body image distortion. We have this highlight real living where we see curated images of other people's perfect life that just creates false expectations of normal life. And I think my life can never live up to that. I'm never going to have those kind of vacations. I'm never going to have those kind of clothes. I'm never going to have that kind of social influence. And I'm just quietly growing more and more discontent. Why is this a danger? Because predators seek discontentment. What is that in your life you feel like you don't have? What is the need that I can fill? Do you need attention? Do you need love? Do you need security? Do you need finances? What do you need? What is that discontentment that I can feel? And the online validation becomes identity reinforcement. Likes tell me how much I'm worth. The social developmental gaps that are there too happen. This is a danger because we have reduced face to face conflict resolution skills. Kids don't know how to resolve their relationship so they seek the easiest, most conflict free relationship. You know who exploits that? Predators. Oh, I'm not, I'm not going to judge your choices. Oh, I'm not going to tell you what you're doing is wrong. Oh, I think people just misunderstand you. I think it's perfectly fine what you're doing. Danger, danger, danger. Also, we have online forums that delay emotional regulation maturity. So I can't regulate my emotions. So maybe I'll seek out a predator who's going to do that for me, who's going to help me emotionally regulate. Now I'll talk about. Don't think of predators is just the bad guy online. There are different kinds of predators. Hang on with me and I'll tell you about those in a minute. But also when we have a, constant engagement online, sometimes it's really difficult to read the tone or the nonverbal cues that are there. And we can totally misinterpret that. Especially kids who interpret tone for, oh, this seems, seems healthy. This seems concerned when we would think, oh no, that, that seems predatorial. We also have moral and identity formation risks because when we have early exposure to sexualized content, to violence, to Distorted intimacy. These things desensitize our kids to think these things are normal. There's an algorithmic reinforcement of curiosity into escalation loops. So they're curious. They click on one thing. It's the for you page. Never seen this before. I don't even know. My brain doesn't know how to even interpret this. So I'm going to click another thing because my brain needs more information to input. That's what I'm thinking is my brain needs more information. So let me click this and click this, and all of a sudden you have this. Escalation loops. Oh, you like that? Oh, let's feed you more of that. Oh, let's increase the intensity. Oh, let's increase the. The level of violence here. let's see how far into this you'll go and how much we can keep you on. This is such a dangerous thing that can happen to kids. And then they don't talk to you about it because they don't have words to explain it. They feel shame, but they're not sure why. They think, you know, you're going to be so disappointed in them. There is confusion there. That is important because kids don't learn until their late teens or early twenties how to align their spiritual values with their moral behaviors. And so it's just very much just a. A legalistic kind of framework. Like, I do this and it's right, and then I get in trou. I do wrong. And so parents think, oh, they've violated all their values when really, developmentally they haven't been able to do that. There's also a spiritual formation challenge because we have competing voices of formation influencers who are discipling our kids. We have distraction that is displacing prayer and scripture and family connection and rhythms and a subtle reshaping and sometimes not so subtle reshaping of worldview with parents not even knowing what's going on. I find that a lot of parents, when they sit down and watch what their kids are actually watching, they're. They're shocked. They think, oh, that's a kids show. And I hear a lot of people talking about it. And so it's just a kid's show, and I don't have any interest to watch it, but, you know, my kid would make good choices, but they don't know. So the key truth here is that tech is not neutral in how it's designed. Even if it's neutral in how it can be used, it's not neutral. We've got to reframe the Cultural reality. We've got to name and claim the cultural realities that are kids are facing today. We often think that connected is safe, that if they're connected, they're safe. So what do I mean by that? Well, if my child is at home, they're safe. We worry about the stranger on the street. We don't worry about the 2,000 strangers they're inviting into their bedroom every night through social media. And we think, oh, if content is popular, it must be harmless. Everybody's watching. If everybody's doing it, it must be developmentally appropriate. That's just what kids do these days. None of those things are true. And one of the greatest harms that I see on social media is normalization of early exposure. And across gaming, any online interaction in movies and media, sexual content is no longer found accidentally, it's no longer sought out. It is targeted and delivered in multiple ways. We see violence and profanity and adult themes. These things are algorithmically blended into an entertainment feed and it's really confusing for kids. And we see peer to peer sharing that introduces content way earlier than most parents expect. They can share it through text messages, through shoulder surfing. If your child doesn't even have a device, they can look at that. There's also a privacy illusion because children are told, hey, a, delete means it's gone, even if it's not. I have seen so many, so many cases of kids who just think they're experimenting in the privacy of their own ecosystem, not realizing that there is a permanent digital footprint and they don't even realize what's going to happen. They think a private account means it's private. It rarely is or only friends can see this. Their screenshots, their shares, their data capture. It increases their risk taking while increasing their experience exposure as well. Hey, when we come back, there's a lot more dangers to talk about, but there is hope and there is help. I'll, talk about what to do, how to respond, keeping our kids safe in tech use. I'll be right back.
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Goodbye Yesterday by Elevation Rhythm and Gracie Binion: Goodbye yesterday I'm living in the light of a new day I won't waste another minute in my old ways Praise the Lord, I've been born again Goodbye yesterday I'm living in the light of a new day I won't waste another minute in my own ways Praise the Lord I've been born again.
Today I'm talking all things tech safety for kids and technology
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is Goodbye Yesterday by elevation rhythm and I'm so glad that we can say yes goodbye to some of the things that are in yesterday. Our failures, our flaws, our, fall downs. But there is a, greater trend right now. Some of us don't want to say goodbye to yesterday. We're very nostalgic and nostalgia trends are sweeping the Internet and we think, oh, for the day when there was no Internet, when there was no social media. And I've seen lots of AI generated posts like, oh, enjoy Christmas morning in 1986 and you see how it is. And oh, we want so much to go back to that. And there are things that I would love to go back to for sure, but that's not the reality that today's kids are looking in. And being nostalgic can make us feel better in the moment, but it's not going to equip our kids for the future. And today I'm talking all things tech safety. How do we keep our kids online? One of the, I'm talking about some of the underrated, under recognized safety threats for kids and technology. And we've talked about how normalized early exposure is and how they start to think, well, this is normal. This is how everybody interacts. Like, this is how the world works. And we can tell them, no, this is not how the world works. This is not the norm. This is not the standard for relationships and how it should be. And this is a problem because social media, online gaming, online platforms, they are fast and we are living at the speed of a smartphone. And things that children, ways that children are disadvantaged here is that their thumb moves faster than their judgment. We put a fast smartphone, a digital device in their hand, a gaming console, a computer, and their thumb just is impulsive. And they just think, oh, yeah, I'm curious. I, I just want to see. They don't think through the Consequences. And such a great disadvantage. The curiosity moves way faster than their thoughts of the consequences. And they're often, totally unprepared for the consequences. Because before where experimenting, risk taking happened in person, it was much slower. This is so much fast, faster. And social pressure moves a lot faster than parental presence. We also have the very real threat of cancel culture. Kids almost cannot make a mistake. And sometimes they can make mistakes. They can make really big ones. They have one impulsive post and it, it can change the course of their lives. That is a scary place to be in. That one impulsive post just outlives their developmental immaturity. And we think, okay, their life is over. And we have kids who make a digital mistake like that and they think, I'll never recover from this. And they rapidly go to a point of desperation, even to the point of taking their own life, because they can't imagine. They're more afraid of living in the consequences of that mistake than they are of dying. And that is a very sobering reality because mistakes are increasingly permanent in digital ecosystems and shame spreads much faster than grace. And we're talking about kids here. We're talking about kids. We are raising children in a world that is demanding adult judgment from a child's brain. And that is just not fair. Now, what can this look like? I told you I was going to talk to you about predators.
As technology advances, so do the methods used to target children and we
And so let's talk about predators for a minute because this is a question that I get a lot for children online. For children today, the online world is the modern version of Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Do I have any other Gen Xers, Baby boomers out there? I know my kids, when I showed them Mr. Rogers, they think the puppets are creepy. They think, how in the world is this soothing to you? But it was soothing to us. This is an inviting place that offers friendship and fun and a sense of belonging. Now these human longings reflect God given desires for relationship and connection and purpose. But when we live in a digital culture that is filled with counterfeits of those God given desires, those good desires are redirected and distorted. Now children enter the digital ecosphere, much like it's Mr. Rogers neighborhood. And they just kind of go from platform to platform thinking, oh, hey, things are just being handed out here for free. This is a nice, fun place. And the truth is they encounter digital threats that erode their innocence, that distort their truth and damage relationships. Digital culture is designed by default to normalize what God meant to be protected. And this leaves children vulnerable. Now cue all of the accusations of, you know, overprotecting children. We should overprotect children, children as much as we can. We should protect them from what is in the world while also preparing them to navigate it. And as technology advances, so do the methods that are used to target children and we. Unlike, the obvious real world dangers that provoke fear, the Internet works with far more subtle strategies. Children are quietly shaped by messages that normalize deviant behaviors, dysfunctional attitudes that are outside of what God designed to be protected within appropriate boundaries. And it leaves them more vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. Now we're all familiar with child predators. We look for them on the street, we look for them in our communities, we look for them online. To a certain extent, this is something that a parent can more easily recognize. They use predictable tactics to slowly build trust to meet emotional needs, and then they ultimately exploit that relationship by harming the child in a personal, very personal way. And while parents, again, we recognize this tactic in real life, it is harder to recognize it online because predators are operating freely across the online world. They're in social media, they're in gaming platforms, they're in messaging apps, they're in live stream, they're even in AI interactions. And they are increasingly sophisticated. And they often form emotional connections with children that really feel good and that really seem harmless before they introduce harmful behaviors. Oftentimes while parents remain completely unaware that any digital interaction has even occurred.
Predators using AI to create chatbots to target vulnerable children
And of great concern, one of the things I'm following because this is where I am in this space as a professor in child harm, child abuse, child trafficking, we see that predators are using AI to create these hyper personalized AI chatbots that have very manipulative communication with alarming precision. So in other words, they can go to AI and say, I have a kid in this situation with this vulnerabilities, create a Persona that would be appealing to them. And AI can do that. And we see rapidly proliferating forms of what's called sadistic online exploitation. I'm not going to go into any details of that here, but I'm talking about exposing children to very extreme violence at younger ages. It accelerates their desensitization to harm and it makes them engage in even self harm for others to, to monetize. It is awful, awful, awful. But here's the thing. There are real person child predators. They are in our communities, they're in our churches, they're in our schools, they're, they're all around us, they are online. But not all grooming is done by a specific person. Children are increasingly Discipled by the culture of the online environment itself. And they can be groomed by online exposures. I'm, talking about things like algorithms or influencers or pure dynamics or just social media, the way it collectively shapes beliefs and behaviors. These powerful platforms condition a child's heart for cultural messaging that is going to normalize overtly sexual abusive, violent, harmful dynamics in relationships. And over time, kids absorb these ideas without recognizing that they're greatly distorted from a biblical worldview. Because we see violence increasingly normalized through pornography exposures and teenage relationships. We're talking about things like choking and other forms of violence. Now this form of cultural grooming, it's quieter, but it's more pervasive. And it makes it really difficult for parents to identify because it may feel very ordinary to kids. Like, yeah, mom, dad, that's how the world works. Now, culture is going to capitalize on children's limited capacity for abstract reasoning. And this leaves a lot of kids who engage in worldly norms only to be confused and devastated when they realize, oh, this is not, not helpful. This is in fact harmful. So whether grooming enters by predator or popular culture, the strategy is similar. Both tactics trick, children into trusting a voice that's not God's. And both create relational distance between kids and healthy, safe and wise authority figures in their life. Both forces redefine truth and normalize harm. And so when human safeguards act as filters, we see that that's important. Monitoring is important. Device restrictions are important. They're not sufficient in and of themselves. However, before we get really scared here, let us be reminded that God does not call us to be fearful. He calls us to be faithful. And we need to be encouraged that the most effective protection is and always has been, always will be discipleship. Children who are deeply loved, who are securely connected to their families, who are grounded in biblical tribes truth, they are better equipped to recognize deception and recover from harm. We cannot prevent any harm that's going to happen. We cannot prevent any risk that our children are going to have. But we can help prevent as much as we can. We can promote early disclosure. We can, our discovery, and we can help them recover. So encourage your kids to come to you anytime they encounter anything that makes them feel unsafe, Even if they don't have the words to fully describe them, their experience or their emotions. Be understanding when their limited ability to recognize that harm and reassure them when they are tricked it's not their fault, and seek wise counsel or professional guidance when it's needed. When your kids do experience harms as parents, we have a calling to do our very best to protect children from threats to their safety and well being. And again, we can help them recognize the counterfeit of culture that look like something that's harm, that's harmless, which is really harmful. Let me talk to you about some specific scenarios. Let's make it concrete because we talk about online danger or stranger danger. What does that real look, really look like? Let me give you some real world entry points based on what I've experienced clinically, socially and seen in literature. All right, let's give you some specifics. First is a gaming chat.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Chat.
Dr. Jessica Peck: A gaming chat can just start off as you know you're playing a popular game online. A friendly teammate just starts chatting with you regularly and then moves the conversation. Hey, let's move out of this group chat into a private chat. Hey, let's move from game talk to personal questions. Hey, let's move from this platform, on the gaming platform to a more private platform. Let's go from harmless to emotional. Hey, you're the only one who understands me. This is a first step in grooming dynamics. Even when it doesn't initially appear harmful, that's why kids have a hard time seeing it. Identity is still forming, so children bond with others quickly. Anonymity creates a false sense of trust because adults can easily pose as peers. So what do you do to protect them there? Keep gaming consoles in your shared spaces. Don't let them have private messaging features. Tell, disable them if you can and tell them no private messages online require. Show me who you're talking to transparency and teach a simple rule like no moving conversations off platform without talking about it with me. That's a way you can protect kids in gaming.
Avoid apps with disappearing content features for kids because they're confusing
Another context is vanishing content. There are so many apps that say, hey, everything disappears. Now for adults, you may think, you know, that everything lives in the digital ecosystem forever. But for kids, that can be really hard to think. They think concretely. They think if the photo disappears, if there's no trace messaging, if it's just private sharing among friends, like then that's, that's what's going to happen. So maybe kids start experimenting with impulsive photos like taking photos of themselves or AI alterating, altering photos, jokes that escalate or peer pressure to send it if you trust it. To me, these are dangerous because screenshots or other apps that capture content defeat disappearing claims and they're really confusing for kids. Peer pressure lowers inhibition and normalization of private content begins early. Saying, this is just between me and you and it's normal to share intimate things between friends. That is not God's design. So what can you do about it for protection? Well, avoid or delay apps with disappearing content features. Explain to your kids how those work, show them how it works, works and tell them if you wouldn't want it seen, if you wouldn't want me to see it, don't send it. And reinforce that nothing digital is truly temporary. But we have to teach this over time. Another danger is algorithmic recommendation loops. So you don't search for it, but it comes to you. So a child may start with innocent content. They're looking at sports clips, at dance videos, at funny memes, and then within minutes or days, it's gradually introducing some inappropriate humor, some body comparison, some idealized lifestyle feed some. Now we're going to have some sexualized content, maybe some violence or other things they may be curious about. Now kids are not choosing the progression. Algorithms are optimizing for engagement, not for kids well being. And that exposure is going to happen without them ever intentionally searching for anything. So what can we do to protect them? Well, we can use restrictions when possible, recognizing that these are not a fail safe. But regularly review the watch history together. What, what does your algorithm look like? I'll tell you. My family actually did this the other night. We broke our no, phone rule and brought our phones to the dinner table and everybody showed their, the first three videos in their algorithm. And we could see so clearly how everybody's algorithm M was really, really different. And we also had some transparency and accountability in there. And this is the kind of things that I'm obviously seeking out because it's feeding it to me. So teach kids, just because it appears online doesn't mean it belongs in your mind. And just do that feed audit as a family practice. Another danger is that group chats that become social pressure chambers. I've definitely encountered this as a mom. We have a class group chat, a team group chat, and all of a sudden the jokes escalate really quickly and you've got bullying, you've got screenshots shared outside the original contents and kids are going to feel pressured to keep up or to participate or not to say anything. There's a constant social evaluation there and fear of missing out or being excluded, and a really shocking normalization of cruel humor or explicit language. We've got to make sure that we, that we're reviewing those group chats together and teaching kids silence is participation. If harm is happening, you can't just be silent, you gotta talk about it. We'll talk more about it when we come back. Keeping your kids safe online. I'll see you right after the break.
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No Fear by Jon Reddick and We The Kingdom: Arrows flying. Devil's trying to make me think I'm going down this time. You might think that I'd be afraid Running scared with the shaking faith. But the God I know says it ain't over. The God I know's gonna make a. Though I walk through the valley I will have no fear, no fear. The mighty power of Jesus is fighting for. Of the world makes the darkness disappear.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is no Fear by Jon Reddick and we the kingdom. and that is a good reminder for us today that God has not given us a spirit of fear. As parents, as grandparents, as adults living in this world, we look at the world and we think, where is the world going? And the threats that kids are, are experiencing online that can make us really, really fearful. But God has given you your children for such a time as this and he's equipped you with everything you need to be able to keep them safe online. Today we're talking about online safety, starting a new segment in our Healthy Habits series where we're talking about safety. And today is tech safety. How do we keep our kids online? Now, to be honest with you, I could talk about this for a month straight. I could take each one of these scenarios that I'm giving you and break it down into a whole show because there are so many things that we have to navigate. But, we need to learn, we need to not be, have a fearful spirit, but a faithful spirit. Continue to learn, continue to be curious and continue to engage in helping to keep your kids safe online.
Group chats can be really hard, but it is important to monitor them
Now, before the break I was talking about some specific scenarios that have come, and I was right in the middle of talking about group chats, which are every parent's favorite. Am I right? Said no parent ever. The group chats can be really hard, but it is so important for us to monitor those because there is a crowd dynamic that happens in there and things can go south in a hurry. And I shared an experience of that as a mom in my book Behind Closed Doors, A Guide for Parents and Teens to Navigate Life's Toughest Issues, where I talked about a group chat that my son was in and it went south in a hurry. My husband inserted himself and said, hey, there was. It was a sports chat. And he said, this is not the conversation to be having. And of course, these boys who did not have advanced developmental reasoning thought, oh, that's so funny. You're. You're pretending to be your dad. Ha ha. little did they know, they found out the next day that that was. That was indeed my son's dad who inserted himself into the group chat. But you know what I found my son had was gratitude. He was so grateful to have the pressure of that chat removed because they did not involve him in any of those chats. Again, it's hard. We've got to give kids grace and space. They are going to make mistakes in this digital world. They just are. We cannot give them this powerful technology that moves so fast and expect them to be perfect in it, because we are not perfect in it. And we have got to make sure that we are talking about them having understanding for their limited ability to understand things. And so have a layered protection in place. We want to safeguard, make sure we're putting the monitors talking about it, but also teaching them about the character underneath it and having grace and a path for restoration when they mess up.
Another safety is image sharing and AI manipulation risks. These have been normalized through social media filters
Another safety is image sharing and AI manipulation risks. Now, this is very hard because these are. These have been normalized for a long time through social media filters. You put cute bunny ears on or sunglasses or any kind of filter, and it feels harmless. Or. And now those, though. But how do you manipulate someone's image without their consent? Well, it's done a lot by adults who send deep fakes that are funny from athletes or political figures, and it normalizes changing an image. You also have the normalization of explicit images shared between consensual relationships or just having exposure to those. And how are we supposed to expect kids to understand that that is not okay? We've got to talk about digitally altering images, and it is dangerous because you have Loss of control over personal images. And it's traumatic for people who experience it, and it is traumatic for kids who engage in it without realizing the consequences of that. So we've got to make sure that we are having these conversations about protecting digital images and not altering any image in any way without permission and without the boundaries that God given to us. Another danger is trauma dumping or emotional confession spaces, spaces. This can happen with kids, and they just turn to anonymous forums or influencers or chat tools or advice communities to say, oh, I'm having this problem, I'm having this pain. I'm, having a struggle with my family, a mental health issue, a question about my identity, or a secret. I don't feel like I can tell someone else. And this is dangerous because there is no accountability, there's no maturity in the responses. And predators are waiting there to shape their identity formation or groom them into an abusive or exploitative relationship. That is really dangerous. So how do we protect them at home? Well, we normalize emotional conversations. Ask regularly. Who do you talk to first? When you feel overwhelmed? Who do you feel like you can go to first? Who do you trust most in your life? Make sure you're actively identifying adults in their real life who trust who can be their primary support system. And that is important. Even things like journaling or having a family debrief instead of an anonymous disclosure is really important. As I said, I could talk about each of those situations for a whole hour. But that's just a tour of kind of some of the dangers that exist in the digital world. And they don't look like danger most of the time at the beginning. Kids, especially do not identify dangers. They see friendship, they see entertain, they see curiosity, they see belonging. And that's why protection can't just be restriction. It's got to be relational presence and continuing conversations and guided discernment and discipleship. Because kids don't need just filters. They need formation. That intentional safety doesn't happen by accident. Most kids who experience harm online isn't because their parents didn't care about them. They just weren't actively steering the ship. It requires ongoing attention, and apathy is running rampant among adults today. I just don't have time to keep up with all of this. It's understandable, but the digital world is not pausing and giving grace for parental fatigue. We've got to find ways to take care of ourselves so we can be vigilant. And when we have a lack of knowledge, it creates false confidence. Most parents assume, hey, if I don't see A problem. There isn't one. But most, most online risks are invisible until that exposure has already occurred. And many times you can just be blindsided as a parent thinking, I never thought they'd fall for that. I, I did. I thought that they knew more than that. I thought that they understood more than that. They don't. It's hard. It's really, really hard. Kids know more about the technology, but parents know more about the dangers. And so you don't have to master every platform to recognize grooming patterns or secrecy shifts or emotional withdrawal or content escalation loops where you're seeing that the greatest risk isn't the exposure, it's the normalization of the exposure. It's not just a part of growing up. And we need to tell kids it's not okay for you to see that. It's not okay to watch that. I'm sorry you experienced that. I'm sorry that you saw that. Safety is going to grow where curiosity replaces avoidance. So instead of, instead of avoiding it, just thinking, nope, let's batten the hat. Those families who are willing to learn to ask and engage even when you do it imperfectly, they're going to have more protected kids over time. And if we don't intentionally seek to disciple our kids and protect them, it's going to happen for us. So simple practices like pausing before you post, before you click, before you apply, if you feel rushed, if you feel pressured, if you feel emotional, just wait, wait, just pause. Don't just engage in that emotion that can cause an exposure that, that makes them at risk for grooming. You can also teach kids if it feels secretive, it's probably not safe. If it's a secret, it's probably not safe. I teach my kids, if somebody asks them, can you keep a secret? No, I cannot. My parents do not allow me to keep secrets from them. I tell them everything. So anytime you're asking, asked, to keep something hidden, a message, a photo, a conversation, a friendship, an interaction that's crossing a boundary. Healthy relationships do not require secrecy. Now there's some as thing as privacy, but that's not the same thing. And we could tell our kids. Stranger danger still exists, but it often looks like friendship first. Online harm rarely starts with threats. It starts with attention and compliments and shared interest. That is important. Important. We need to teach our kids. Nothing online is truly private. Nothing is temporary. Everything can be saved or shared or re shared. It's important to tell kids your gut feeling is part of your safety system. So if something feels off, if Something feels confusing or weird or you're just not sure. It makes your body feel weird. It makes your mind feel confused. Just come and tell a trusted adult. They are allowed to exit to block to tell an adult. No explanation required.
Have a conversation about tech use with your kids about boundaries and safeguards
That's important. Make it a normal thing to tell your kids. You're not allowed to move any conversations into private spaces without checking. Like if you're trying to shift from public comments or group chat into a dm, a private app, that is always a concerning sign and something that warrants further attention. Tell kids you are never in trouble for telling the truth early. Kids often say silent because they're afraid that they'll lose their device, that they'll get punished, that you'll think less of them. Reinforce that coming forward quickly. This is the safest choice. Even if you made a mistake. Tell me the truth early. Tell your kids if someone asks for pictures, ask for personal information or emotional secrets. Stop and check with a trusted adult. That is just a simple decision. Checkpoint. Don't just give it to them. Be careful what you're training the algorithm to show you.
Dr. Jessica Peck: You.
Dr. Jessica Peck: So online safety isn't just about avoiding danger. It's about building these instincts that are strong enough to recognize it early and step in before it grows. So that is really important. So to, recap here, some of the important safety tips that I can give you is have a conversation about tech use. Not just rules, but an ongoing conversation. Delay access as much as you possibly can. And then when they do get access, stage it. Don't give them full access. Use developmental stages. Start with supervised access. Gradually expand trust. Create some boundaries that protect them. Some simple boundaries, like no devices in their bedroom and having a parking station after a set hour, having intentional relational engagement. Those things are really important. Important to teach them digital discernment. Who created this conversation, this content, and why? Why should I say this? Why should I post this? What? Why am I sharing this? Just have those conversations and we've got to normalize. Repair conversations too. Mistakes will happen. We can speak the truth without humiliation. Many times when kids make a mistake online, they are going to experience social, relational, maybe academic consequences of that. Oftentimes, all we can do as parents is pile shame on top of guilt on top of those consequences. That is not a helpful strategy. We can speak the truth without humiliation. We can say, you're a great kid who made a really unfortunate mistake. You're a great kid who made a poor choice. You. That is important. Separate that identity from the behavior. Create that path back. Not a permanent label because they think they'll be canceled forever. And this is who I am. Instead of a mistake I made. We've got to teach repentance, responsibility and restoration. That is really, really important.
Cyber Safety Research Center evaluated 86 youth safety features across social media platforms
And when we're looking at the headlines home, front headlines we're at here now we know that nobody is going to be as invested in keeping our kids safe as we are. And so one of the headlines that I saw this week was, a new evaluation by the Cyber Safety Research Center. And this looked at 86 youth safety features across social media platforms. And these researchers were looking at safety tools that are so often advertised by online platforms, platforms. And they wanted to know, do they actually work as they were advertised? Were they realistically discoverable? Were they usable by teens? And only 35 of those 86 features met criteria. And that means more than half of tested safety protections failed in real world conditions. And safety tools were often buried hard to find. They were ineffective when they were using them in the real world. They were bypassable with simple workarounds. And we saw researchers found examples, examples like suggesting harmful or self harm content even after the safety design claimed it wouldn't. Or they were misspelling. They could misspell something to bypass content restrictions. Or adult accounts were still able to message or connect with minors in certain conditions. Or these pause or take a break prompts could easily be just dismissed or snoozed. And this, the missing, missing safety features were also identified. So safety features only work if they're easy to find, if they're turned on by default and they're resistant to normal teen behavior and workaround. Which means that is a pretty high bar to clear. This matters because those, this is so important for families. We need to make sure we are engaging. We can't just assume, oh, this app has safety fixtures so my child is protected. We've got to engage in that more, be more relationally engaged. Assume that it may give you some protection, but not full protection. Prioritize active parenting over passive technology settings and talk to your kids about how these things work. We'll talk about this more. Continuing on Fridays on Homefront Headlines and more. As we talk about keeping up our kids safe, I'll be talking also about body safety and how we help our kids to prevent abuse and exploitation. As you do that important work, know that the I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you. Make his face shine upon you. I'll see you right back here on Monday.
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Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
It's Ask Dr. Nurse Mama Friday! Jessica talks about the healthy habit of safety when using technology. She also talks about Homefront Headlines.
Chapters:
(00:00) American Family Radio thanks preborn for supporting pro life advocacy
(00:43) Today is our last day for tech before we move on to safety
(01:55) One of the greatest concerns that I hear from parents is about safety
(07:25) So let's talk about the dangers to cognitive and neurological impact brain development
(15:25) An ultrasound provided by preborn helped Candace hear her unborn baby's heartbeat
(17:00) Today I'm talking all things tech safety for kids and technology
(20:34) As technology advances, so do the methods used to target children and we
(23:40) Predators using AI to create chatbots to target vulnerable children
(29:39) Avoid apps with disappearing content features for kids because they're confusing
(36:34) Group chats can be really hard, but it is important to monitor them
(38:24) Another safety is image sharing and AI manipulation risks. These have been normalized through social media filters
(44:53) Have a conversation about tech use with your kids about boundaries and safeguards
(47:53) Cyber Safety Research Center evaluated 86 youth safety features across social media platforms
(50:33) Preborn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion
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