Dr. Jessica Peck is prescribing hope for Healthy Families on American Family Radio
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Nursemama show, prescribing hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck. Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of the day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And let me tell you, we have a great conversation coming up with you. You know, every Friday, I have asked Dr. Nurse Mama Friday, and I get question all the time everywhere I go. I get questions in my practice and my clinical practice. I get, questions from my students that I'm teaching. I get questions from other moms in my network and my just friend group. I get questions everywhere I go about all kinds of things. I actually remember one time where I was standing after church on Sunday and I had a friend from out of town visiting, and she was waiting very patiently on the side as I greeted people and talked afterwards. And she said, wow, you are so loved in your church. Like, there was a line of people waiting to talk to you. I said, yeah, they want to ask me about rashes and ear infections and things like that. And I'm always happy to do that. But one of the things for the last at least five years, I have gotten the most questions about that I continue to get questions about, hands down, is about social media. And I think it's just because we have this very interesting generational gap here in Gen X and even. Even in Millennials, in elder Millennials, I say that with the utmost respect. We have a generation who did not grow up with social media as we know it today. Even in the millennial generation, you're talking about, just barely the emergence of things like MySpace. You're talking about, you know, Instant Messenger, Instant messenger being very big, but not like it is now. Not the smartphone, not that pervasive. And so, as parents, we are parenting a generation who is having an entirely different childhood than we did. And that's important to recognize for a lot of reasons. For one, we just, we can't anticipate what's going to happen in previous generations. We anticipate. We know how to teach our kids how to drive because we learned how to drive. We know how to teach them how to ride a bike because we learned how to ride a bike. We know how to teach them to go to college or enter the workforce because we, we either went to college or entered the workforce or started a family. We know how to do all of those things, but we don't know what's coming in Social media. And so we are very reactive in our approach. We address problems after they have happened. The other issue is that we, we don't know what that world looks like. We can't empathize with it because we didn't live it, we didn't walk in those shoes. So it's very easy for us to minimize the emotions that come with living at the speed of a smartphone phone. And just to simplify it, really, dare I say over simplify it and just make it, well, just unplug, just turn it off, just ignore it, just be free. And those things are just not realistic. And the reason this matters is because we have a generation of kids who see us as parents and grandparents as really disconnected from their reality. We look at the world they're living in and we want it so badly to be Mayberry. We want it to be idyllic. We want it to be like it was when we were growing up. But that is not the reality that they're facing. And today my guest is going to join me to talk about this. God has given her a message to really hammer this home because her, her message today is social media reset. She's written a book by that title. It's a 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. Now when we look at the mental health crisis that is happening today, that's another common question I get. Is it as bad as people say it is? And I have to, no, it's not as bad as people say it is. It's worse. I have never seen it this critical. I've never seen it this prevalent, this pervasive, this just wide reaching. So that's what we're going to talk about today. If you want to discover the joy and freedom and flourishing life that comes with taking a social media break. If you're already feeling convicted, I'm going to convict you more. Don't touch that radio dial. We are going to talk about that with award winning author Allie Marie Smith. Allie is a speaker, she's a podcast host, she's a life coach. She is the founder and CEO of Wonderfully Made, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to helping girls and women know their God given value and identity. And she is joining us today from beautiful sunny California. Allie we're so glad to have you. Thanks so much for joining us.
>> Allie Marie Smith: Thank you, Jessica. It's such an honor to be here.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, it is, it is an honor for us to be able to talk about this because this is something that parents struggle with a lot. And, and if I'm honest, it's because as parents, as moms, we struggle with it a lot. So I would love to just start at the beginning for you. Tell us a little bit about your story, how you came to know the Lord and how you felt called into this ministry that you have today.
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I was grateful to grow up with a play based childhood. Unlike many kids today, I was always outside, running, playing sports, really feisty, confident as a girl. But around the age of 12, I started to experience uninvited feelings of loneliness, sadness and worthiness. And it didn't make sense. And those, those experiences escalated. In high school I was, really experiencing depression, although I didn't know what it was, it was just my norm. So I cope through, people pleasing perfectionism, overachieving, and on the outside as a standout soccer player, straight A's student who was quote unquote, part of the popular cloud crowd. It looked like I had it together. But after I graduated high school two weeks later, I came completely undone. I found myself in a very deep and a dark, debilitating depression. And it got so bad, you know, I had to be hospitalized. And it was a really long journey after and you know, many setbacks, and you know, everything that I placed my value and my worth in was really taken from me. And I was actually in the psychiatric hospital that I experienced a supernatural love of Christ after reading the Gospels for the first time. And that changed me forever. And it was actually in the hospital chapel, as a woman sang Amazing grace, that I surrendered to my life, to Christ. And I stopped living for myself, stopped living the way that I was and, and gave my life to, to God. And so that was really the catalyst of my story of the beginning of the organization. I started wonderfully made. And our mission is to help girls and women know their value, their identity, their purpose, experience vibrant mental health and lead flourishing lives. So, that's the beginning of my work, which my story also ties into why I take social media so seriously as well.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie, my goodness, so much to unpack there. Wow. Okay, let's, let's start. My first question is, I want you to take us back to the chapel. This woman singing Amazing Grace in the hospital, can you tell us about that?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I'm actually not giving the entire story. That summer, it was also so bad, I actually drove to the Golden Gate Bridge with the intention to end my life by jumping off, got a flat tire, Kind hearted man came and came, you know, fix my tire and I Engage with a real conversation with him. So I went home with a little hope in my heart. I really continued to struggle that summer and attempted to start college on the east coast but found myself in a very dark and dangerous place again. So as readmitted so it was there, I was in the hospital for three weeks. and I had always believed in God and I love God. I just didn't know I could have a personal friendship relationship with Christ. And I was so desperate for hope. So I asked, asked for a Bible. So it was then that I started to really understand who Jesus was and that he came to give hope and healing to the broken. And I was as broken as a girl can be. So the medication that I was on was very physiological for me my mental health struggles. And so as I was on medication the desire to no longer want to, want to live was beginning to fade. And I walked into the hospital chapel, a woman sing Amazing grace. And it was just beyond, beyond words. But I was overwhelmed by the presence and the love of Christ. And I've never experienced the nearness of God's love before and it was just overwhelming and it changed me forever. Although I have had many setbacks since then with my mental health, but by God's grace, through help and a commitment to live a healthy, a, sober lifestyle and do all I can to preserve my mental health, I am thriving. And so my message is that no matter what you're going through, mental health challenges are so treatable and that there is so much hope and you're not alone if you are experiencing them. and, and to tie it to social media, we can't talk about mental health today without talking about social media. So that is why I'm so serious about this topic today.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie I agree with you so much. Social media and mental health are now permanently intertwined. I don't see any way of going back. We can only find a way and a way to help kids deal with the reality of this. But I think back just thank you so much for sharing more of your story. I really applaud your authenticity and your transparency in sharing that because I think even especially in faith based communities and Christian communities, there's so much shame and stigma that is associated with mental health. And so often, just like social media and mental health are, are, are together so often that shame and stigma comes from well intention, intentioned expressions of faith like we should. Why don't you just pray? More like why don't you just ask God to take care of you and. And just. We kind of oversimplify that. But as you really well described, sometimes it's just a complex combination of physiological things, of things that are happening in our bodies, things that are happening mentally in our minds, things that are happening externally in our environment. And you know, Allie I believe there's no such thing as coincidence. I don't think it's a coincidence that you got a flat tire. That that kind man was there, that woman singing Amazing Grace. And I say this because I think of the man who changed your tire. He probably didn't know the entirety of your story, just like the woman who sang Amazing Grace didn't know the transformation that was happening. And I say that to our listeners to encourage you to be faithful. I have goosebumps right now to be faithful in the little things. Because you never know when that little act of obedience, if God nudges you to say, hey, stop and help this person or sing this song. Those things can be used to transform lives in a way that we won't know this side of heaven. So I just. I really, really appreciate that.
Allie, you said you were experiencing depression but didn't know what it was
There's a couple more things, Allie that I want to go back and revisit that you talked about. The first thing that you talked about was depression. You said you were experiencing depression, but you didn't know what it was. And I find this to be really common because a lot of times kids don't have vocabulary or words to describe what they're feeling. They just feel it. And so I would love for you to go back and kind of talk about that. Looking back now, knowing what you know and what are some of the signs that parents can look out for in their kids and share that from your perspective, to know when there's a mental health issue going on before it gets to the point of crisis.
>> Allie Marie Smith: Yeah, that's a great question. And I will say that often, sometimes there aren't even signs. It can be such a hidden battle that, a child's best friend doesn't know their parents don't know. And that was true in my story. I have a wonderful family, and they didn't know what it was like to be in my mind until it was too late and I wasn't even functioning. and so the general warning signs, of course, Jessica, I'm sure you've shared, ah, shared these. It can be sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, noticing a disengagement, from activities that they love. Actually, for me, I was soccer, sports for my whole life. And my senior year I wanted to. To Stop playing soccer. So that's a huge one. you know, there's so many. You can kind of see the mood to, Yeah, loss and interest. there's so many different things. But it really is important too to just always do a check in and say, you know, how are you really? Or tell me what some of the thoughts that are running in your mind. And also I want to say if you concerned that your child may be struggling with depression, it's always important to ask if they have any thoughts of harming them, harming themselves. I just want to share that out there. But it can, it can be hidden and it was for me. So that's why it's so important to engage in conversation and to really check in, to spend intentional time with the children in your life to really get a pulse on how they are really doing.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Allie I'm so glad that you said that, that sometimes there are no signs because I talk with a lot of parents who feel guilty and they look back and they think, shouldn't I have seen this? But sometimes it's so internalized, it's very difficult to see any signs and it's just difficult to share that. When we come back, we'll talk more about that because depression actually is the fourth leading cause of disability among teenagers in the United States. today. And we'll talk about how you can manage that. And Allie I want to go back and talk more about your people pleasing and overachiever because you are a poster child for coping with that and I'm sure so many can identify with that. We have so much more to talk about because we haven't even gotten to the social media reset. But we will, I promise.
Last year Preborn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion
On the other side of this break, because of listeners like you, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies. Your $28 to sponsor one ultrasound doubled a baby's chance at life. Your tax- deductible gift saves lives. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate, go to preborn.com/AFR. Will you take a moment and celebrate life with me? Last year, PreBorn helped to rescue over 67,000 babies from abortion. Hi, this is Jessica Peck, host of the Dr. Nurse Mama Show. And I want to thank you for your partnership. Think about what you did. 67,000 babies are taking their first breath now because of you. Your $28 sponsored one ultrasound that was given to a woman as she was deciding about the future of her child. Once she saw her precious baby for the first time and heard their sweet heartbeat, her baby's chance at life doubled. But PreBorn's mission is not only to rescue babies lives but also to lead women to Christ. Last year PreBorn network clinics saw 8,900 women receive salvation. Your help is crucial to continue their life saving work. Your caring tax- deductible donation saves lives. So please be generous. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR, that's preborn.com/AFR, or dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. That's pound 250 baby. Your love can save a life! PreBorn's whole mission is to rescue babies from abortion and lead their families to Christ. Last year PreBorn's network of clinics saw 8,900 mothers come to Christ. Please join us in this life saving mission. To donate go to preborn.com/AFR. This Is My Song by North Point Worship featuring Mac Powell Jesus paid it All Because He Lives is my Song. Welcome back friends. That is This Is My Song by North Point Worship and Mac Powell. And today we're hearing the song and the story of Allie Marie Smith. She is an award winning author, speaker, podcast host, life coach. She's the founder and CEO of Wonderfully Made, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to helping girls and women know their God given value and identity. And she is all about vibrant mental health flourishing live. She's the author of Social media reset, a 30 day guided journey to unplug, Reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. In the first segment we were talking about Allie's personal story and testimony of coming to know the Lord and her interactions with social media and mental health and how those two things are tied together. She also shared with us that she coped by people pleasing and overachieving which is so common for. And it's so common, it's a common coping mechanism because it's socially acceptable. And although it's more socially acceptable than things like substance use or other risk taking behavior, somehow we celebrate that. Even that overachiever, that busyness, even though it can be just as destructive.
Allie has spoken openly about the impact of social media on her life
Now Allie you have shared pretty openly the impact of social media on your life and how that negatively impacted you and caused some destruction. And so what would you do? How do you see the role that social media, all that we've talked about, this intersection of social media and mental health. What do you what is your take on that now, having had your personal experience and now walking to help others walk through this?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, when I first got social media, it was a long time ago. I got Facebook and Instagram right when they came out and it was fun to share updates, connect with friends. But as time went on they began to engineer it. They hired human behavioral scientists, intentionally create it to be addictive and prey upon our God given desire to be liked, seen and known. So we, we are given these dopamine hits every time we get a notification, a new, like a new comment. And that keeps us coming back for more and eventually leaves us with experiences of depression and sadness because of all the content we're seeing and especially the social comparisons. And going back to my story too on the people pleasing, that is just intensified on social media because now young people, but especially girls, teen girls are at the epicenter of the mental health crisis that is driven by social media. They crave acceptance, they strive for perfection and they're able to create these filtered versions of themselves that they think the world will deem worthy and good enough. And so when I started to use it was fun. But before I knew it it did become a full blown addiction. So I was constantly on my phone all the time, every Monday moment, waking up to it, going to bed with it, taking it with me everywhere. And I realized that it was beginning to really impact my well being in my frame of mind. I started to experience anxiety, be more lonely, feel like my life wasn't good enough and really be bummed out. And because of my story, you know, then I realized at the rate I was using it, I was on track to spend five years of my life scrolling. And so God saved my life when depression very well could have taken it. And so I see every second of my life as sacred and, and that, and that was really the driving force between my decision to take an extended social media break. I did that for quite a while. And then I learned to use social media with wisdom and intentionality, using many boundaries. and you know when we get to the end of our lives we will need to give an account before God of how we spent them. And every second on social media matters because seconds become minutes, become hours, become days, become years, years of our life. And you know, we need to look at it from the spiritual perspective because if we were to spend one hour a day on it from the age of 13 to, to 80, we know that many youth are spending like five, six, seven, eight, nine hours a day on it. That comes out to three years of your life scrolling. Two to three hours comes out to six to eight years and four or more hours, which is a very common for young people and adults, comes out to, can come out to over 11 years of our lives. And one of the most terrifying parts, too, is we can now die with more memories of other people's lives than of our own. So there's so much to unpack there.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Oh, my goodness, yes. That is convicting. And, Allie, I firmly believe that technology is the thief of time. It is slowly stealing away our time. And just like you talked about, these are human engineers whose sole job it is is to figure out ways to rig the algorithm so that you stay on that platform, because every second that you are on that platform is another opportunity for them to market to you, which is ultimately what they're after, is selling things. They have a product that they're selling. But there are others on there, of course, with much more nefarious motives. And to think that kids today, growing up, could spend 11 years of their life. And that was really good what you said, too. I hadn't thought about it that way. That we'll die with more memories of other people's lives than our own. That is a lot to unpack. And, you know, one of the interesting things for me as a healthcare professional is we don't really have a diagnosis for social media addiction, although we all know it's a reality. We see it boots on the ground. We definitely see it where it is very, very difficult to put it down and to walk away. And I think that is. That is just super convicting.
Allie says taking 30 days off social media changed her life dramatically
So what do you think, when you stopped social media, what was the contrast that you saw? Like, how did your life change? What happened?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Oh, it changed dramatically, and it changes every time I talk to a friend or someone who, you, know, I challenged to social media reset. I actually just challenged my friend to one, and she's been 33 days, and she comes back and she says, I cannot believe the difference in my life. I can. I feel so much joyful. I'm excited about my life. I have peace of mind. I'm not restless. I'm not anxious. So, you know, studies have even shown that three. Three days, five days, seven days off your phone, off social media. Off social media instantly increases happiness and reduces anxiety. So it was night and day for me. you know, it takes a while for our brains to heal from this addiction, to reset our neural pathways. That's why I do recommend a minimum of 30 days. But actually, the optimal time of 90 days is actually the best to really overcome a full addiction. So, yeah, so I. I instantly felt a sense of calm, of, joy. I was more grateful for my life. I was more present in my life and in in my relationships too. took all those feelings away of, of, you know, anxiety, sadness, and envy. It just took them away instantly. So the extended social media break really allowed me to get my life back and my joy back. And every time someone does it, they always say how much it impacts them. And so that's why I wrote the book is we, you know, we all know how it's impacting ourselves, our kids, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. And there's a lot of talk about it, but what are we actually going to do about it? And so that's why I wrote the book. It's because it's a guide to really come back to God, to reconnect with God, to wait up to the miracle of our own lives. And it's, it's really a life coaching experience too, that offers tips on how to really flourish in your, in your life. And it's filled with biblical wisdom.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I think there are not many parents who would disagree with the fact that social media is destructive. It is, It's a reality. It can be used for good. It's like a car. It's not. It's an object, but it is the temptation to misuse it, the temptation to overuse it is so much there. And also the societal pressures, I think, especially for us as parents, to let our kids. I remember when my daughter came home and she was in fifth grade, she's graduating from college now, and she told me everyone in her class had Instagram. And I told her what parents are supposed to say, not everyone in your class has that. You know that's not true. But we went and looked, and sure enough, every single kid did. They did have it. And so I reverted to parenting line number two. Well, if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it? So that. That wasn't very effective, Allie I do not recommend that. But looking at it, pushing against that is really hard. But when we look at that, we have a love hate relationship. I think as parents with our kids, phones and social media, we love ours, we hate theirs. And that's just the honest truth. They see that hypocrisy. When we saw the, advent of COVID we saw new words and vocabulary like social distancing and words that, you know, kind of all make us, as society now, collectively cringe. But I think what happened during COVID was kids were isolated even more. They were driven even more to their phones. And then we see vocabulary in my profession, like fomo, fear of missing out. We can actually measure that scientifically now, fubbing Phone snubbing, where we can measure that scientifically and we see those societal impacts. So I think there aren't many parents who would say, okay, I know this is a problem, but somehow they just can't take that first step. You know, it's like you just feel stuck in a rut. You just feel kind of paralyzed. And so what would you say, Allie, for somebody who wants to do the social media reset, how is your book that movement, that catalyst, that motivation that they need to actually take a meaningful step forward?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, in regards to adults, so the par. The book is written more for women. it's not necessarily written for teen girls. However many moms plan to invite their teen girls and their, and her friends into doing a reset. and so, so yeah, it's ah, it's a, ah, it's just an amazing opportunity to reconnect with your life. So by pulling away for 30 days, you begin to really reconnect with God. You're going to be fully present, you're going to experience more joy. In the book I have a list of 75 things you can do instead of scrolling social media. And so it is really an experience to invest in your own life, to invest in the relationships. And really it's this radical return right to the lives we were intended to live, to the practices and the rhythms that lead to peace and fullness of joy like solitude and being outside in creation, moving our bodies, having true connection with, with people. And going to be inviting my readers to actually invite all their friends, women in their church, Bible studies, to unplug together and to spend the time intentionally cultivating community, to have meals together, to be creative, to make things with your hands, to get outside in creation. And it's really so more than a social media reset. It's really going to be a reset for our soul. So I am so excited for anyone to do it. I know when people even think about going on social media media for a few days, it can be, you know, frightening, but it is so worth it. And everyone I know who takes a break is just always so grateful. And then it allows them to come back to social media if they choose to return to it with wisdom and intentionality in a way that they're able to master it. So it does not master them.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, I recently was talking with a friend who was telling me that her daughter had been diagnosed with anxiety. Her daughter is a teenager and she said that that pediatric care provider told her, well, you know, the solution to this is Actually, pretty simple. And she said, oh, really, what is it? And she said, you need to manage yours, you need to manage your anxiety. And I feel like that is so reflective of a lot of problems that we see with our kids. It's so uncomfortable, but they're just mirroring what they see. So these women you're inviting to do this, I hope that people who are struggling, women who are struggling with this, will take you up on that invitation. Because if you are thinking as a mom, you're looking at your daughter and her face is in her phone all the time, it is likely that yours is too. But I struggle with that. We differentiate ours. We think, oh, well, this is for work, or this is, you know, just something that's more important than, you know, your annoying social media. That's, that's the honest truth of kind of how harshly we approach it. And so what would be some practical steps? What if, what would you say? Where should that mom, where should that woman start to step forward to say, okay, I'm going to do this? Do you have any tips on ways that you can prepare your heart to do that?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, of course the number one step is just to take the apps off your phone and ideally to do an extended break. and then once you decide to return to social media, I actually have a list of over 15 practical boundaries you can apply to change the way that you relate to social media. You can set time limits you can resolve to not use in the mornings or evenings. You can be very intentional with the accounts you follow, you know, only follow people you know and have personal relationships with it within real life, and, you know, keeping your boundaries or sharing them with other people. And there's, there's so many way, different ways that we can be strategic and how we use social media. I always love giving my tip away, which is, changed everything for me and it's, it's unusual, but I.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You have an unusual hold on Allie. We are coming up on a break and I want to make sure that our listeners do not go away because they're going to want to hear this. What this tip is. When we come back from break, we will talk about that, about what that specific tip is. Now if you have missed the name of the book, it's called Social media reset. A 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. You can find out more about Allie and connect with her community. Take her up on these invitations that she is offering to walk along this journey with her. Go to alliemariesmith.com that's alliemariesmith.com there you can learn more about her nonprofit, Wonderfully made. You can see more about her book. And I challenge you to take this, take this invitation for a reset. If your heart is burning within you, if you are feeling kind of torn and challenged, take that reset. Let me tell you, it can be life changing and this is something that I definitely struggle with and my kids will call me out on it. I have invited them to call me out on it. I think my daughter is so much better at this than I am and I am learning from her every single day. Convicted by her. We'll continue to be convicted together but move forward with hope. We'll see you right on the other side of this break.
>> Buddy Smith Jeff Chamblee: We live in a day when America's families are under attack like never before. Buddy Smith, Senior Vice president of the American Family association. The war against biblical principles rages on numerous fronts. The Internet, Hollywood, Washington, D.C. america's corporate boardrooms, and the list goes on. At American Family association. We're committed to standing against the enemies of God, the enemies of your family. And we recognize it's an impossible task without God's favor and your partnership. Thank you for being faithful to pray for this ministry, to give financially and to respond to our calls for activism. What you do on the home front is crucial to what we do on the battlefront. We praise God for your faithfulness and may he give us many victories in the battles ahead as we work together to restore our nation's biblical biblical foundations.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Honestly, We Just Need Jesus by Terrian honestly, I think we just need Jesus. honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Have we all gone mad? Have, we lost our minds? What used to be wrong? We say that is right. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus. Welcome back, friends. That is honestly, we Just Need Jesus by Terrian and those words are really, really relevant to what we're talking about. I think sometimes we look around at the world and we think, have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong? We say that it's right. And we do need Jesus to help us with this cultural phenomenon of social media. So if you are looking for a practical solution to the ever present mental health crisis that is the result of social media addiction, if you're looking for a reset, a resource that helps you unpack how social media affects our souls, not just our physical brains and mind. And if you finally want to overcome that addiction, you have to scroll in your phone and find freedom. Setting practical boundaries. This is a great way to start. We're talking today to Allie Marie Smith. You can find her at Alli. That's a l l I e allimariesmith.com she's written a book called A 30 Day Guided Journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. And she shares, shared some very convicting statistics with us, thinking that even as adults with just an hour a day, we could spend four or five years of our life just scrolling our phone. And what could you do with that hour a day? This is the same, this is the same of us who are saying, oh, how, how can I find five minutes to do Bible study? Or I need more time for prayer. I need more time to connect with my family. We have that time and technology is the thief of time. My daughter who is college age, she's so good at this, she is always telling me, me mom, hang up and hang out. That is a phrase that we use in our house. Feel free to steal it, use it, encourage people to hang up and hang out with each other. And all this summer we will be going through a lot of habits on tech. So we are doing 52 habits for healthy families. You can catch those on the doctor nurse mama coaching minutes. You can also catch those, on every Friday show where I talk about that. But stay tuned this summer because we'll be tackling all things tech.
Allie says she overcame her social media addiction after a long break
And Allie you have, you have issued an invitation for a radical return, a reset for our souls. And right before the break, we left everybody hanging. You have an unusual, maybe just out of the box kind of tip to move forward. So we'd love to hear what that is.
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Before I share it, I want to say that in order for us to have joy like no one else else, we have to live like no one else. As followers of Jesus, we are called not to conform to the pattern patterns of this world. And we have freedom and agency and we do not need to conform to the patterns of the social media circus. We can live differently, but it is up, to us. And so my boundary is I, I have an iPad, and so I keep all my social media apps on my iPad because I'm simply not going to carry that around with me everywhere. So I know maybe not everyone has the means to do so. or you, you can consider getting one family iPad and have having everyone's accounts on that device. And so, you know, you take turns and there's time limits so we can really get creative. But that has changed everything for me because social media is our Ever present escape drug. It is always there right by our side. And so basically removing it and removing that temptation can change everything. So that is simply how I overcame my social media addiction after I took a long extended break from it.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a great idea. And it's an intentional step in the right direction. Right. Nothing is going to be miraculous overnight. And I think that's sometimes part of the problem is we just think, oh, we're gonna quit everything cold turkey and just stop. And then you don't and you fall off the wagon and then you just feel like, okay, well I failed. So I'm just going to keep scrolling. And then you fall back into old patterns. But I think that scripture you were quoting from Romans is so appropriate because it's transforming and renewing our minds. Not just about cutting out that negative influence, but replacing it with positive things with connections. I think about how many times I'm, you know, just waiting for my car to be, have the oil changed, or you're waiting even to pump your gas and immediately you're just scrolling instead of connecting with people around you, whether that's people in your car with you or even strangers that you could meet, that is so important to do.
Allie says parents should be honest with themselves about their relationship with social media
So you have some advice, Allie, for parents who are struggling with this, they're struggling themselves, they're struggling to guide their kids. Having the experience that you've had, your personal experience, what would you say now, how would you encourage those parents to just persist in this when it sometimes can feel so overwhelming and discouraging?
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I would first encourage them to be honest with themselves about their own relationship with social media and examine their own habits with it. Because, because like you said, your kids are going to watch you and they're going to mirror your behavior. So that is really the first step. And then, I really, I do recommend the book, I do recommend the book the Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt because he really unveils this issue and offers recommendations of things that parents, schools, governments can do. And so I recommend his guide, his suggestions, which is no smartphones before high school. there is a great phone company called the Gab. And so it looks like an iPhone, but it does not have the ability to have Internet on it. But you can text, you can take pictures, you can have gps. So that is a great way. And the ideal way is actually to get your kids parents on the same page as you. So you get maybe other parents in your kids school team and you just pitch this idea, hey, we are going to give our kids A play based childhood, not a phone based childhood. And you get them all on the same page so that they don't feel alone. They're not going to be the only one in their team or the only one in their classroom. So that is a great thing. And then also delaying social media until the age of 16 and then introducing it maybe with some guidelines or having it on that family iPad and but the key here is to show your kids a better life offline. Get them outside as much as possible. Give them amazing opportunities to connect with and in real life with real people in front of them. You know, make your house the go to house with for them and all their friends and have game nights, invest in the activities that they love and that bring them more joy because once they get a taste of how beautiful life is when they're not tethered to their devices they're they're going to want the real, the real joy of life that will never be found on their phones. And then of course phones, our schools really should be phones free. So you're if, if your school is not try to advocate for that. and you know, yes, being outside a lot, delaying that smartphone social media introduction is really, is really a big one.
Online photos and videos leave a more lasting impression on our brains than memories
And on that note I do want to share how so often we can die with more memories of other people's lives, with more memories of actually other kids lives. If you scroll for 2 hours 20 minutes a day, you will potentially have seen 1.5 million images or videos in a year. And the thing about online or yeah photos and videos is they leave a more lasting impression on our brain than memories in our own lives. And so you know, how many pictures of your kids have you intentionally looked at today? And so it is really serious so to fight that that very serious possibility is I recommend families getting a digital photo album so making your TV ah, slideshow of your family's most beautiful happy memories. And your kids are going to see that and it's actually going to have a positive effect, a healing effect on their brains. And so that's another practical strategy because it's all about what can we do. There are things that we can do about it. This has been enough and it's time to act and it's time to make changes.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Amen. I agree Allie it really is. Those are great tips by the way. I think that is so helpful. And one of the big things that we have to do as parents is not just be the phone police constantly telling Our kids. Get off your phone. Stop scrolling your phone. You know, get, get, get engaged. We've got to provide them with a compelling alternative. And you've described that so beautifully, Allie, because the compelling alternative, the only thing that we have really as parents that is not online, is that real life relationship, connection, action. Even if they're connecting with another person digitally, it is not the same as an in person, real life relationship where you are face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart. That's what we can provide our kids. That is what they are aching for. And I love what you say about, you know, trying to find other people who are like minded because you really got to find somebody who's in the same boat. Even if you can't say, you can't convert everybody, everybody, you can at least find one other family that, hey, there's somebody for you to be in that same boat with. Y' all can hang out together and you can commiserate and you can come back and thank us later. You know, when you see, when you grow up and you see the advantages and the benefits of that and how much more emotionally healthy because so many people are watching other people's lives while their life is passing them by. That's been really convicting today. Allie
Wonderfully Made helps girls and women embrace their identity in God
Before we, we end though, I want to make sure that we talk more about Wonderfully Made your, non profit that you have to help girls and women embrace their identity and their worth in God. Tell us about that and what resources are available on your website.
>> Allie Marie Smith: Sure. Well, I started it 20 years ago actually when I was 20. And yeah, that's our heart was we want to see girls and women know their value and their identity and be transformed by a personal relationship with God. And so we, do young women's retreats and conferences for young women and the women who love them. We have a really wonderful podcast at the intersection of faith and mental, physical, spiritual wellness. You can find that on our website at wonderfullymade.org we also have some mental health workshops. I have a course, for young women. And we actually launched an amazing social media campaign where we are using social media for good and we are purchasing YouTube ads that are storytelling ads. and so when a young woman is watching maybe a video about a fitness model, I come up and I instantly tell her, you know, you are loved, you have a purpose. And I share my story and I give her hope that no matter what she is going through, she can come through the other side. And the results are phenomenal. We are so excited at, ah, the success of this campaign, for $64,000 we can potentially have the entire 22 million, young women view this ad. So it's really exciting about how we can reach masses of young women with the message of what it means to be wonderfully made.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that, Allie That's such a great example of leveraging the power of social media and using it for good. Because as I said in the very beginning, it's a reality. It's not going anywhere. So many of us, we want to put that train back in the station. It's already left. It is way down the road and we've got to figure out ways to use it for good. I think that's incredibly wonderful. So if you want to check out Wonderfully Made, just, it's really easy, go to wonderfully made.org I'm looking at it right now. You can see, just like Allie said, the podcast, the workshops, the books, the events, you can support the work that is done. And this would be a great, this looks like a great resource for for women who are just looking for those kinds of messages. And Allie the messages that we get on social media are the opposite of that. There. You're not enough. You'll never be enough. You need this skin serum. You need this seven step skin regime. You need, you know, this tumbler. No, you need this because it's all about marketing. And to market to us, they have to make us feel like we're less than. And this is the crux of social media because when you're looking at image crafting, which is what social media is, is we have to teach young people to craft their image, that their image is actually already crafted in God, that they are made in the image of a living God who loves them more than they can ever imagine. And no image they try to craft for themselves will ever compete with the beautiful image that God has made. So to know that there are people like you, raising your voice to be encouraging, that encourages me.
Social media reset is a 30 day guided journey to unplug and reconnect
So I want to know, Allie, what do you hope that people will get that women will, will get from reading this book? Social media reset a 30 day guided journey. What do you hope at, the. How do you hope they will transform?
>> Allie Marie Smith: My wish is that, they will know how valuable they are, what a miracle their life is and reconnect with the God who created them and learn to live the abundant life that we've been created for that we are never going to find online. We're only going to find, find it an embodied life, with God and the people we love.
>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I love that. Appreciate that. Allie thank you so much for your message. It is so needed. Again, it's social media reset. A 30 day guided journey to unplug, reconnect with God and reclaim your joy. That's the important thing here. This isn't okay, do all of these things because you must and you have to. This is about finding joy in your real life. You can go to alliemariesmith.com that's a L L I E. Go to wonderfullymade.org and you can see all the resources that are there for you. And I encourage you with today's hope prescription to unplug and reconnect with God. Even if it's one simple way forward. Maybe that is getting this book. Maybe that is listening. And again to the doctor, nurse, mama, coaching minutes. Listen into our healthy habits journey. This summer we're going to take a deep dive into that and each week we'll talk about some of those things Allie was talking about. Tidying up your tech and being transparent with it and having tech free zones and tech free times. We'll walk through all of those baby steps together. And I'm here with you and I pray that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whatever your situation today, that the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you. I pray that he will be gracious to you and I'll see you here tomorrow. Don't miss it. We're going to have, we're going to have a great show for you. I can't wait to be here. I'll see you then.
>> Jeff Chamblee: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
