Transcript

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>> Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial £250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com afr hello

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner, and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. I hope that you're having a great Monday. I cannot believe that we are heading into June here. And wherever you are, whatever you're doing in your week, I'm so grateful that you have joined in and that you've tuned in to listen.

Recently, social media personalities discussed terminating pregnancy after prenatal diagnosis of down syndrome

As always, the world is churning with headlines that are sparking conversation, and that is no different. Over the weekend, few issues reveal our culture's beliefs about the value of human life more clearly than how we view birth, pregnancy and disability. And recently, there was a national conversation after social media personalities, an influencer and his wife, they very publicly discussed terminating their pregnancy following a prenatal diagnosis of down syndrome. You likely have heard it. I have heard of nothing else since that story broke. And it has sparked, sparked a lot of different conversations, very passionate debates across the country, not just about abortion, but about the value of human life and what makes a human life valuable. Now, for me, as a pediatric nurse, having been there from the first moments of pregnancy, even doing preconception counseling with couples who want to have the healthiest pregnancy that they possibly can, who are looking for answers all the way through, adults growing and even seeing. I see teenagers who have disabilities and seeing parents in all life stages in between. I know that becoming a parent is an act of faith. No one gets a roadmap. No one gets an exact prescription for exactly what your child is going to be, what they're at risk for. I see children who are born healthy, who develop diseases later on in life, who have really traumatic, terrible cancer diagnosis, things that strike fear in the heart of every parent. Parent. They don't know what challenges they're going to face, what learning challenges they might have, what social challenges, emotional challenges, any number of unexpected turns that lie ahead. Every parent enters the journey with hopes and dreams. But children arrive to us as unique gifts that are entrusted to us by God. They're not projects to be engineered. They're not outcomes to be controlled. They're not products to be marketed to the world as evidence of our own achievement. Whether a child is born healthy or born with complex medical needs or any number of other disabilities, whether their path is smooth or marked by significant challenges, Scripture reminds us that God is sovereign over every detail of their story. And I was reminded of this even having my own sister who has shared her story of having a daughter born with significant disabilities. And she I remember her telling me, you know, everybody just says, I don't care if, if it's a girl or a boy. I just want a healthy baby. I just want my baby to be healthy. And even that. What happens when your baby is not quote, unquote healthy? Scripture reminds us that God is sovereign over every detail of your story. He does not merely call parents into difficult assignments. He is equipping you for every good work, and he has prepared you in every season. God provides the wisdom, the strength, the grace, the community that's needed for the journey. And the child entrusted to your care is not a mistake, an interruption, or a. An accident of faith, but a life intentionally created by God and entrusted to you for such a time as this. And millions of people are living a story that is marked not only by challenges, but by joy and resilience and profound love and unexpected purpose. And today's guests know the reality of parenting special needs children very, very well. I'm joined today by Joe and Cindy Farini. They have spent more than four decades caring for their son with special needs, while also nurturing their marriage, raising a family, serving in ministry, helping other caregivers navigate life's unexpected journeys. And their new book, the Special Needs Parent, offers biblical encouragement and practical wisdom for parents and caregivers facing the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs. Joe and Cindy, I'm so glad to have you here. Welcome to the program.

>> Cindy Farini: Thank you so much.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Good to be here with you.

Every parent is going to have that experience of getting a special needs diagnosis

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Joe and Cindy, you know, when most people, as I said in the introduction, you know, we saw, we see the whole world talking about getting a diagnosis of a child who's going to have special needs. And for me, as a nurse, I have been there many, many times when parents have received that diagnosis. Sometimes it's very clear cut, sometimes it is a long journey, a long road to diagnosis. But every parent is going to have that experience of getting that diagnosis. And sometimes they can focus on what's lost that whether it be lost expect or lost dreams or lost plans or lost visions for the future. But you, what was your experience like when you realized that your parenting journey was going to be different than maybe what you had imagined it to be? I'll let whichever one of you wants to start go ahead and tell us your story.

>> Cindy Farini: Well, you know, sometimes you might know ahead of time and sometimes you might not. And we did not know that we would have a child with special needs.

Cindy says she and her husband were Christians when they had son

And just to, maybe tag off of what you said, you know, I did just post something recently about this influencer and all that has gone on. And one of the things that he said was just, just the darkness that has happened, surrounding them because of what they have chosen. And I thought it was really twofold because there's such a darkness and ending the life of, of one. And yet, you know, we have to be so careful too, to not be judgmental in a way that, we don't know where they are spiritually, you know. And so I want to. I've just. I'm committed to pray for this couple because I think there's going to be, a consequence in their heart, even maybe not right now, because they feel so sure of what they're doing and what they've done is correct. And so I'm just really committed to praying for them and that the Lord would, would teach them, because this is a hard decision. And you know, we were Christians when we had our son. I don't know what I would have chosen had I not known the Lord. I don't know. I don't have an answer for it. And so we know the road is hard and, and yet that isn't the reason to give up and to quit and to say, you know, I don't want any part of that. Plus, you know, we. Someday, at the end of life, we are going to. Just as a Down syndrome baby may have vision problems or heart problems, you know, we're getting up there and we may have those problems. And I'm hoping that my life, our life will be worthwhile and worth value. you know, Psalm 139 says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, all of us. So with that thought in mind, you know, I pray for that couple and for many who are in that tough place making that decision. They think it's a tough place for us. There wouldn't have been a choice. We would have still had our son. We did not know that he was going to have special needs until he was about maybe four, six months when we started seeing he wasn't hitting milestones, even turning over, or beginning to sit up or be able to be in a bouncy swing or a bouncy little seat. he couldn't even hold his head up. And so we were thinking maybe he just had a large head. My dad had a large head. Joe's head is larger. And we thought, well, maybe he just has a big head and can't be heavy, you know. But that wasn't the case. And as he didn't hit many of his milestones, it became really evident that, he would be special, in some way. And, you know, it began to unfold a little at a time. And perhaps that was the best way for us because he looked like a perfect baby when he was born. He was beautiful. we would have never guessed, you know, we don't have anything in our past that would say there may have been a reason for Joey to be born with his special needs. And. And he was so he is fearfully and wonderfully made just the way he needed to be for us.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, Cindy, I appreciate those words so much coming from you who has lived experience. You have walked this road, and that does give you a different perspective and a different place of authority because you have been there, you have walked in these shoes.

Joe and Cindy State's son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at 9

And Joe, I would love to go for, to you for just a moment because I think that, you know, often what I see, the way that moms and dads, the way that they process. Process that moment of diagnosis and seeing the future is. Is different and dad's picture, different things than moms did. What was your journey like and how was it maybe different than from or the same as Cindy's? As you started to process that life wasn't going to look like maybe you had imagined it would.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Right? Well, exactly. That's a great question. I would say for Cindy and I, we. We didn't have, you know, 45 years ago, we didn't have a doctor who came up to us and said, this is your problem. Your child's going to have cerebral palsy. He's going to have epilepsy. He's going to be mentally challenged. So Cindy, you know, she went to the library and she picked up a book, and, I basically did some research and I basically diagnosed what my son's condition was. And we went to the doctor and I said, this is what we think our son has. He has cerebral palsy. He's going to probably have epilepsy. He's Mentally retarded. What do you think? And he said, let me.

>> Cindy Farini: Let me interrupt. Mentally was the way that it was diagnosed and is in his records as that. Even though we often say that's a, a connotation in that word, that is negative, but that was the diagnosis. And actually we. We both say it's very, the. The wording is very true because he is mentally slow, but perhaps mentally slow is a better way, but mentally was the diagnosis. Right.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, and when we shared that with the doctor, the doctor basically said, yes, you're right. And he just got up and he walked out of the room. And, that was our first contact with a, physician telling us what our son's condition was. And so at that point, of course, we just looked at each other and we started burst out in tears because we now realize that we're now in a situation where none of us kind of, you know, thought this would ever happen to us. I mean, when we. We took our marriage vows, you know, for better or for worse and sickness than health, we always checking off the right things, you know, the good things. And, you know, the whole reality of, this possibly being on our blueprint when we got married just. It just didn't register for a while. But it hit Cindy a lot better, I should say, quicker than it did me. I was still holding out, first for a miracle. And, But Cindy, she engaged right away, and I'm very thankful for that. She began to search out the therapist and physical therapists, occupational therapists, made every kind of therapist you can think of. And, you know, and for me, you know, I was going to work every day, and so it was a little bit more difficult for me to. To engage, you know, with, With, where Cindy was at. But she was at the right spot, and I was not at the right spot.

>> Cindy Farini: And I do. I do like to say, you know, he. He's sharing from his heart, and so I understand that, but I never felt like he was not in. You know, I always felt that he was, a participating person in the marriage, in our family. But, you know, what's going on in our heads and our hearts, we can't always tell of the other person. So he didn't feel he was as engaged as he could or should have been.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, I mean, all my life growing up, sports was my whole world growing up. And so in my mind, I'm thinking. I mean, our son scored a 10 out of 10 on EPCAR, right? And I'm thinking, gosh, we're going to have a genius here or, NFL football star or something, you know. And, you know, just to give you a visual on this one, when we brought Joey home, we, he, he was dressed up in Ohio State, sleepy sleeper. He had a Cleveland, Browns autograph football and stuffed in the corner of his cr. Cleveland Indians baseball, stuffed the other corner. And, so you knew, I had some pretty big dreams for my son and. And those dreams, as Cindy said, came crashing down around us, at 9 months old, 10 months old, especially when the, you know, the diagnosis was, you know, confirmed as much as that doctor could confirm it at the time. And, and, she began to do what she had to do. And I was still holding out, you know, I was still holding out, hoping for the best. And, I think one of the most sobering things that probably got me engaged was we had one of our elders of our church came, came over and they knew that we were struggling and, and he, basically said, you, can be assured that God made Joey just the way he wanted him made. And I got. I mean, I gotta tell you, I didn't, I didn't appreciate the comment at the time.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I bet not. Oh, Joe, I'm gonna hold you right there because I want to hear the rest of the story. We're up against our first break, but what a beautiful, vulnerable picture that you've given of, that diagnosis journey and exactly. The mom thinking, how am I going to nurture him, feed him, care for him? And the dad, of course, thinking about the dreams that you have for your son. I appreciate that honesty and transparency. We'll talk more with Joe and Cindy Ferini when we come back from this break. Stay with us.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Foreign.

The work of Preborn Network clinics is more urgent than ever

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: It's been four years since the overturn of Roe, but tragically, abortions have continued to rise. Today, the abortion pill accounts for more than 60% of all abortions. And last year alone, over 1.1 million babies lost their lives. That's why the work of PreBorn Network clinics is more urgent than ever. Everyday mothers facing unplanned pregnancies walk through preborn's doors, searching for hope. Instead of pressure and fear, they're met with love. Through a free ultrasound, mothers meet their baby for the very first time.

>> Cindy Farini: It was like the beginning of my healing journey. They do an ultrasound. And that's when everything changed. Because when I saw my baby and when I heard her heartbeat, that was it.

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>> Dr. Jessica Peck: you're listening to the Doctor Nurse Mama show with Dr. Jessica Peck on American Family Radio.

Joe and Cindy Ferrini have a son with special needs

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome back. We are having a really powerful conversation with Joe and Cindy Ferrini, who are authors of the special needs parent a guide to the life you never expected. And they were just sharing the story of the birth of their son who has significant special needs. And they were sharing about how it was not what they expected four decades ago. Can you imagine how much time has changed in between then? And Joe, right before the break, we were talking about a turning point for you, how you were just holding out hope that Cindy was more focused on the future. Okay, this is the reality. What does this mean we have to change? You were holding out hope for a miracle, and you described an elder coming over and telling you, God made your son just the way he did. And that at first that didn't set well with you. So I'm going to give it back to you there and let you tell us the rest of the story.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, thank you. Well, I was, I, I entered into this arena kind of dragging, I'll just say that. And I, was kicking and screaming as much as I possibly could to avoid really engaging with this. But my wife, she's a steadfast woman, and she just continued going, doing what she had to do. And I think it was, as I think back over what was it that got me engaged, was, probably just the time that I actually went fishing with, Cindy's father. and, it was, he was recognizing that there were some problems there with Joey, and he recognized I was having a real hard time with the whole thing. And, and as we were fishing, he just basically shared with me some great words of wisdom. And he says, you know, someday, Joe, you're going to realize that Joey is a great blessing for you. And I said, well, I'm sorry, I I just don't see that right now. And, But what I was seeing was my wife was struggling to do what she had to do every day. And, my son was obviously struggling. And, you know, you come to that fork in the road where you. You have to make a crisis decision, and, you. Me. It was one of those times. And I just realized. I think I just looked at my wife and I looked at my son. I said, you know, you're going to have to step up, buddy, and just. You're gonna have to do what you have to do be. To be the husband, to be the father that your family needs for you to be. And. And I think that was, I can't put it. I can't pinpoint the date on that one, except that I. I know that there was a turning point for me that took place, and it changed my whole world in terms of, just engaging. And, at that point, you know, our world changed. My world, our world changed forever. And, so thankful for Cindy's leadership in this at that time. And. And, I, again, I came alongside of her. But then I began to, you know, get engaged as much as I possibly could.

>> Cindy Farini: And I would just add, too, you know, this is a. This is the place where many will just say, I'm done. It might be the husband, it might be the wife who just says, I can't handle this. I can't do anymore. And that's one reason that the divorce rate is so high. Baylor, University, I think, has it at 80% divorce rate. And that's a recent study that was done. And that's a lot. There's a lot of families left with one person to take care of and raise a child that has special needs. you know, we have two daughters also, and our two daughters. When you. When you started to start to look at all the people that are involved in the life of your child, whether it's dance teachers or sports coaches or whatever, what we had for Joey was so much more. So many more people. Therapists, doctors, aides, bus drivers, teachers. I mean, the list goes on. Many wonderful people. But there's so much more that goes on in the life of a child with special needs in comparison to a child who is typically developing. And, I'm thankful that Joe came to that realization that, you know, he needed to step up, even though I never sensed that he wasn't. But I'm glad that that came to him and that the Lord really spoke to him and through other people too. You know, we have other people that are good counsels for us.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yes. Yeah. I think that was m. One of the motivations for writing this book on, parenting of, special needs is that we recognize special needs parents. These folks are heroes, any way you look at it. And imagine a single parent raising a special needs child. I mean, that's just incredible, what they go through. and because of that, I think we're always humbled when we have the opportunity to be in front of parents of special needs kids. And, again, that was probably one of the main driving forces behind the book is. Is that now you. You can read books on, autism, you can read books on cerebral palsy and epilepsy and all those other things, but we couldn't find a book on special needs parenting. And so that was the driving force behind this one. And because we have 45 years experience behind us on this one, we had been able to engage with hundreds and hundreds of parents over the years. And I think that's one of the values of the book is that, Cindy, who's incredible writer, she's a prolific writer. I'll just say that I'm the editor guy, but she's the writer person.

>> Cindy Ferrini: He makes sure I make sense.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah. And, so one of the things she did. And this is just the third of the book that we have written on special needs. The first one was even much more exhaustive than this one, but this one is focused on parenting. And I, want you to kind of explain the background on the research there.

>> Cindy Farini: You know, one of the things that we really wanted to make sure that we did. You know, Joey has his own set of diagnoses, and you could. You could put 100 children with special needs in a room and have a whole Alphabet of different, letters that share what each of these children are. So we don't write it just about Joey and just about us. We really interviewed a number of people and the. The book is in general. So I would say anyone who has a child with special needs can pick up this book and they will find themselves between the lines and the chapters of these books, of this book. And we're. We really. We didn't want it to just be our story because it's just one, you know, it's just one story.

Joe and Cindy share their story of welcoming son Joey into their lives

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, your story is very hopeful and very helpful because Joe and Cindy, I appreciate the transparency with which you share your very human emotions. And the thing. It's not always, you know, tied up in a bow. It wasn't like you had acceptance at first you had, you had grief, you had fear. And I think that's the number one thing that I see people wrestling with. That initial response is almost always fear, because it's fear of the unknown. What is my life going to look like? How is this going to impact my marriage? Will I have the finances to be able to afford, afford the care that is needed? Well, I have other children who have these needs. Will my other children I have, accept this child? What's it going to look like socially? And you can just see, like, the rapid escalate, escalation of fear that happens. But you both bring something that you've mentioned several times. You have four and a half decades of experience. Now, Joe, I'll start with you. What are some of the fears that you had? Maybe some that were justified and ended up being something that you should be afraid of. But what are things that you wish you could look back and tell yourself 45, five years ago, hey, you do not need to be afraid of this? Well, how did, how did fear play a role in your journey?

>> Cindy Farini: Good question.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a great question. Yeah, look, I'll just speak from a guy perspective on this one, right? I mean, my number one issue at the time was how am I going to take care of this boy?

>> Cindy Farini: And I'll have to take

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: me cry.

>> Cindy Farini: You know, my Joe was a dentist, and, you know, you have someone come into your office and you see a problem and you're trained to fix it. And so he was able to do that. You have a cavity, I can fill it. You need a root canal, I can take care of that. You need, you know, the list goes on. But he couldn't fix Joey.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, that's the most frustrating thing for dad is, you know, we're always trying to fix things. And, it was. It didn't matter how much money I made, didn't matter how many patients I saw in a day or what. I. I could not fix my son. And that is so frustrating for me. And it. That was probably one of the biggest challenges for me is to realize it doesn't matter what I do, what I make or whatever, I can't help him. And so he can't come into my world. And so one of my big issues was that I had to realize that I had to get into his world. And, for me, as Joey has grown up, one of the things that he likes to do, fortunately, is that he likes to play games like PlayStation or Wii or something like that. And so I have a legitimate excuse to PlayStation Wii.

>> Cindy Ferrini: And let me tell you something, he's ah, well, when that first began, when we began to see that Joey would enjoy that, his verbal skills are very low, but he can get around on those games. It's amazing. And I said to him, you have to do this or we'll never have dinner on the table. So you have to do this with him, you know. And Joey can get to the end of many of these games because of how Joe has spent time showing how to jump and whatever else they do. And you know, it's hard to get to the end of those games even to see the credits at the end because you know, you keep starting over so, so often. So Joe did a great job with Joey helping him to, to m. Navigate that well.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: I'm glad to sacrifice for myself.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: That's a beautiful thing.

Cindy, what were some of the fears that you had about Joey

Cindy, what were some of the fears that you had that were different? You know, Joe is sharing. He was afraid because he couldn't fix it. What was that going to look like? What was that going to. To. To be like as he grew up? What were some of the fears that you had?

>> Cindy Ferrini: Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know if I really had fears as much as I had frustration. And maybe they, maybe they go hand in hand. But I remember a time coming home from a family gathering with someone who had some challenging things of their past, mental problems and drug problems and things like that, and their children were perfect. And I said to Joe on the way home, I said, I, I don't get this, like, how is it that we have a child and this has not been our past. Like, there's nothing that we could pinpoint that would have indicated something to happen, you know, with Joey. And so mine was frustration. And he said to me, and ah, I don't even remember how old Joey was at the time, but he said to me, well, imagine if Joey was in that family. And it just, it just clicked for me at that moment. I was like, we get to take care of Joey, we get to take care of him. So that was a point for me of real, you know, I might have been, you know, on the forefront getting him everything he needed, but I still had frustrations. And so that turned me around to recognize that I'm thankful that he has two parents who love each other, who are committed to our marriage. and we've always said we're never going to use the word divorce. You know, we can get as frustrated as we want, but it's not going to end in divorce. And so I was just thankful for that moment. And I think it was a trajectory for me to change how I thought about many things then and then. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 138. 8. And the verse is the Lord will accomplish what concerns me. And as I really embraced that verse, I came to understand, like, this is what God has for us. And so, you know, we could ask ourselves all we want, like, why did this happen to us? But you know, what this happened to Joey. And so, you know, the Lord is accomplishing in Joey what he wants to accomplish. And Joe often tells the story. He says, if you sit behind Joey in church, you're going to get the gospel. And we are so thankful for that. Joey is in, not inhibited to raise his hands to sing. it's heavenly harmony. But he sings, he knows the words. They're slow enough usually that he can, he can kind of read them and know them. And of course he's been a part of his whole life. So the Lord, the Lord weaves within our story, what it is that concerns us.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Yeah, just adding on to what Cindy just said. I mean, when, when we hear people having a hard time worshiping the Lord, all we tell them is just stand behind us in church, you know, and Joy will bring you to the throne. Just watch him worship and he'll take you there. And you know, one of the biblical, stories that I'm sure you know is the healing of blind Bartimaeus. And when that story is told in the three gospel, in three of the gospels. And but you know, you recall that, you know, it was a situation where the, the apostles asked Jesus so who sinned that he should be blind. And and Jesus says, you know, they said, was it the parents or was it the man who, who sinned? And Jesus said it was neither. It was that, that God might be glorified through this person's life. And, and that's what we're saying with, about Joey is that we've been able to, to see God hand in his life. And, and people have been able to be impacted by what Joy has done with his life. And and so in a way, Joy is bringing people to the Lord. I mean, he's bringing honor and glory to God because of how God made him. And and so we're thankful that we have this opportunity to to be there in the front row to watch how God uses Joey too, to impact people's lives. And just like he healed Bartimaeus, someday Joey's going to get healed. You know, we have the assurance of that when we get to heaven. And, so it's, we're okay. In fact, we tell people all the time, you know, if, you know, if God came to us today and said to us, I, will heal Joey for you. We tell them that's okay. You know, we're going to keep Joe just the way he is. You want to, if you're going to do that, give that blessing to a young parent who's just hearing that diagnosis for the first time. They need to have that happen to them. But for us, we're good. We're good.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Joe and Cindy, I, I am so touched by your sincerity. And, you know, I recall, interviewing a man named Kevan Chandler who was born with spinal muscular atrophy. And he had a sister who had that diagnosis as well. And he shared that when the diagnosis was shared with her, his parents, he said, they said, well, if we have a child that's just like this, this his sister, that would be okay with us. Like Connie, I think it was her name. And that she's beautiful just the way that she is. And we will trust the Lord in that. That's a tough thing to do. And when we come back, Joe and Cindy, I want to have a conversation about the cultural moment we're sitting in right now where we look at people through the lens of their accomplishments and achievements. But we're going to look at something countercultural and look at the, the way God sees them.

AFA celebrates America's 250th birthday with special apparel

We'll be right back with Joe and Cindy Ferrini,

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: America's 250th birthday. It's a great excuse to have some extra cake and ice cream, but we can help your celebration go well beyond that. Show your patriotism with America 250 apparel that will become a memento of this special year. We also have special episodes on AFA Stream to help understand that America is a Christian nation and help you find God in the Constitution, find all of this and more in one place. Afa.net topics250. Other days it just ain't working. The good, the bad, the right, the wrong and everything in between yo, it's crazy Amazing we can turn our heart through the words we say Mountains crumble with every syllable broken Live or die so speak light Speak life Through the

>> Cindy Farini: deadest, darkest night Speak light, Speak light when the sun won't shine and you

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: don't know why look into the eyes

>> Cindy Farini: of the brokenhearted Watch them come alive

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: as soon as you speak Hope you speak love.

>> Cindy Ferrini: you speak.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You speak.

Joe and Cindy Ferrini's son Joey was born with profound special needs

Welcome back, friends. That is Speak Life by Toby Mack. And we are doing exactly that today with Joe and Cindy Ferrini. They are the authors of a new book called the special needs parent, a guide to the life you never expected. And they've been sharing about their beautiful son Joey, who, four and a half decades ago was born with significant, profound special needs, including some intellectual disabilities and cerebral palsy. They've been talking about their journey from diagnosis to now and, and what they have learned. And they've shared this extraordinary wisdom in a book, and they are sharing it with us today. And Joe, before the break, I said that I want to talk about the conversation, the cultural moment that we're having right now, really defining what is the value of life, what is the quality of life. And when we live in a time where people are judged and valued by their achievements, their contributions from a very worldly perspective. I think I already know from talking with you and Cindy for even such a short period of time that you have a very different view of that. And I'm sure that was hard. You shared. You're a dentist, you're an accomplished man, and thinking about your namesake, your son, and what dreams you might have for him. What are ways that he. That you have seen the beauty of God's design in his life. What has he taught you about the value and meaning and beauty of life?

>> Cindy Ferrini: Life.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I should write a book about that one.

>> Cindy Ferrini: Next up.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Okay. All right, we'll put it down here. You heard it first, right here.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: No, it's, you know, God teaches all of us in different ways. And you know, the, the primary way that many parents are impacted is by their children. And Joy, has been such a strong influence in our lives and the, in terms of how we see things and, and what we think about things and, and so for us personally, you know, we just feel that, God has given us the privilege of taking care of our son. And it's, it's not that we have to do it, it's that we get to do it. And that's something that. You can't get that from reading a book. that's something that, you have to be engaged in a day by day reality, of life. That, that's something that just it. With time that, that becomes a reality for you. And we can so appreciate the challenges of new parents or that they have to go through. And I can tell you there's just. I just recall this one time that where we were standing in church behind a family that, had a child just like Joey when Joey was like 8 years old. And I just kind of, I just lost it. I just kind of burst into tears because I know what the next 40 years are going to be like for you. And it's just, all I can do is pray. But it was one of those things where I, I could certainly empathize. Even though these parents, they're taking care of their child very well, they really did not know all that was ahead of them. And so we come from a different perspective that people who are just starting off and as we tell people all the time, I mean, this, the spoke that we wrote is, is a book that, you know, someone who hasn't gone through puberty could write. You know, it's just, your child

>> Cindy Ferrini: has to be well past 14, 15 permitted to write a book about them. You know, you cannot, I don't want to hear from a three, parents who's raising a three year old because you don't even have a perspective yet really, until the. I mean, you have a perspective, yes, but you don't get a full perspective until later. You really don't. Yeah, yeah. And I would say too, you know, some of the things culturally that I think is so, interesting, maybe even frustrating, is that, you know, we have friends now our age who are caring for their parents who are 90, 95. And some are doing great with it, others are frustrated because now they don't know what to do. They've never had to care for someone. And you know, a baby is one thing, but an adult who has whatever care, needs that they have is a whole different story. And sometimes they're so frustrated because, you know, it's infringing upon their life, their time, their everything. So in some ways we look back and we're thankful that this came to our life early. Because what we've learned and what is really countercultural is like we have endurance. We've built the muscles to be able to care for our son. We have perseverance, we have patience. Don't get me wrong, we haven't arrived yet. Okay. We still, you know, there are some days where one day, one day, I think it took 20 minutes. And I'm sitting at our kitchen table like we are right now, and I. And Joey was trying to tell me something. I just couldn't understand him and I never, I never figured it out. And sometimes he just drifts off, then he just kind of forgets what he's thinking about, I think. But I thought to myself, like, if you're just starting out in this journey and you're 50, 60, 70 years old, and it's going to be frustrating. You know, you're caring for somebody that you, you know, maybe it's Alzheimer's, maybe it's dementia, and they're going to trail off, and you're not going to understand what they're saying. You can't be frustrated. You can't get mad. You can't show your temper. You can't show your lack of, abilities. You know, you. You have to rise to the occasion. And I think that's what's happened to us over the years. And I think, you know, we. We recognize Joey, hopefully, is glorifying the Lord just in who he is. And that's what we want to do. We want. We want others to say, you did well. You know, we're not perfect. We're not. We're never going to say we are, but we hope that's the overall goal. That's the overall thing that you'll see in our life, that we want to glorify the Lord through our Joey and M. Through our daughters and through what we've done. And so it takes all of those things together. Endurance, perseverance, each of those things. Patience, so many other things. Capacity. You don't gain the capacity when people say, we could never do what you're doing. Well, we couldn't either when we first learned of Joey's diagnosis, but we had learned capacity over time. And that's how life is, you know. And so some of these people that I'm talking about who are caring for elderly now, parents, what they're learning is capacity. M. Each time they make a meal, each time they go and visit, each time they maybe even have to change a diaper on an elderly parent. they're learning endurance and capacity. And eventually they're going to learn the lessons that God would have for them, too.

Joe and Cindy write a book about being a special needs parent

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: You know, Cindy, having walked with hundreds, if not thousands of families who have children with disabilities, I've done that with, I've been a pediatric nurse for over 30 years. I've made home visits, I've worked in hospitals, I've worked in clinics. And their capacity, the capacity of these families, of, families like yours is astounding to me. And one of the things that I did as a nurse was pilot clinical experiences for nurses to go to camps for children with special needs. And that was part of their nursing experience. And the students would always come back and Say, how do the parents do it? Because just the sheer physical exertion that's required, the supplies, the worries that you have, just the financial burden of, you know, extra medical cost and just the different ways that your life is disrupted, like vacation or just something as simple as traveling in a car if you need handicap accessibility. I mean things. Challenges are really innumerable. There's so many. And I appreciate that you and Joe have shared about those in your book. And I would encourage anyone who's listening if you know a family who has special needs kids to get a copy of their book, the Special Needs parent, a guide to the life you never expected and just give it to them without any expectation, no fanfare, no nothing, Just, just give it to them. They may not even know that this is the lifeline that they need. But in spite of all of that, Joe and Cindy, you're not just talking about surviving, you're talking about endurance. But you also talk about thriving, flourishing, finding joy. How have you found joy even despite all of those things that would seem like they would absolutely put out any spark of joy that you might have.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, I can tell you Joey is my best buddy. I mean life would be incredibly sad and lonely without him. But he's one of those guys that you know, I can sit there and watch a game with him. As long as we're winning, we, we're fine. But when it starts to go, turn the around, I always have the remote in my hand just in case things are not going again. But

>> Cindy Ferrini Switch the channel real quick.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: But no, he, I mean I love being, I love hanging with him because he, he. We. We connect with each other so well and and it's just that did not happen right away way. I'll just say that. But it's one of those things that if we could share from our experiences and come alongside other parents of ah, special needs kids, you know that is one of the, that would be one of the joys of our life being able to write this book. And actually the first couple books that we wrote I think were very significant. as well as you know, one of the, one of the stressors of being a special needs parent is isolation. And you know we just, we tend to isolate and we isolate because you know, people can't relate to us very well as that community. And if we can help create a sense of community for special needs parents and that's what we want to do that and we want them to realize that they're not Alone. There are. There. There are a lot of people out there that. That want to come alongside and. Come alongside and serve you. And there are many, many sources out there. I know we talked about finances, but, you know, we have provided, you know, in our books where you can go for financial help. And. And there's so much out there these days. I mean, 45 years ago, when we were. There was nothing really. I mean, we couldn't. Didn't have a school for Joe to go to. And, but now it's just. It's just a. It's a beautiful explosion of technology, education, and things are. People. People are learning. And thank God for people like you, doctor, that, have taken the time to train future nurses. And, and that's. That's what we want to do is basically come alongside and help people to realize that they're just not alone.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Sure.

>> Cindy Faerrinii: And. And in that, you know, it's. It's hard in the early days to find that joy because you are just struggling to get all the things that you think you need for your child. Excuse me, all the things you need to do for your child at that time. But, you know, when you surround yourself with community, you begin to learn from other people. You get, you know, helps along the way. Hopefully this book will be a great help to lead people in different directions, kind of thinking outside the box. and hopefully in those places, they will find joy. They'll find joy not only in the other people that work with their child, but their child as well. I think probably the. The greatest joy that I have had is the wonderful people in our life because of Joey. Teachers, aides. He had so many wonderful people. when we had his high school graduation, we did, we called it high school. Yeah. High school graduation. Yeah. His special certificate. but we had. The party was called Happy Days, and everybody dressed up like Happy Days, and we just had so much fun. Everybody came, with the exception of one or two people over all his years of schooling. bus drivers, aides, everybody. We had so much fun. And I mean, that was joyous in its. In itself. But one of the things I think really is just, you know, Joey has a great sense of humor. He doesn't tell jokes or anything like that, but he gets things that are funny and he'll laugh at them. And that really brings us joy to know that even though he can't really express himself the way that he maybe would like or we would like to make it easier for all of us, there's times he'll watch a comic, you know, like some cartoon or something. And it's got to give him 10 seconds, it has to filter somewhere. And then 10 seconds later he starts laughing and we're like, you know, he gets that, he gets that. And I would just say that, you know, if you look for those things, you will find it. There's always a silver lining. might not happen right away, but it's there. And I just want to say too, when we give the diagnosis of Joey, we always like to say too, he's 6 foot 4. So he is not little. And he's not, you know, when he has a meltdown because that's not joyous. I'm sorry, I'm changing the subject. But if he has a meltdown, you can't like a 2 year old just stick him in a car seat and say, well, when we get there, we'll deal with this. what's that?

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Can't put him in timeout.

There's different ways we have to handle Joey based on his disabilities

>> Cindy Farini: Yes, timeout, no timeouts. And so, you keep, you can't. I mean, he's a man, you know, he's a man. He's not going to there. There's different ways we have to handle Joey based on his disabilities and his abilities to know.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: Cindy, I absolutely, absolutely hate to stop it here. Radio is so rude. We are at the end of our time together. I have so enjoyed my time with you, Joe and Cindy. I hope you get a copy.

American Family Radio thanks Preborn for helping save hundreds of babies from abortion

Special needs PARENT Every life has dignity. Every person bears the image of God. And every family has a story worth telling. And thank you so much to Joe and Cindy who shared the story of Joey. And listen, the journey's unexpected, but you don't to have have to walk it alone. I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you. Make his face shine upon you. I'll see you here tomorrow.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.

>> Dr. Jessica Peck: We'd like to thank our sponsors including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion and every day their network clinics rescue 200 babies lives. We join PreBorn in loving and supporting young moms in crisis. Save a life today. Go to preborn.com afr.