Living in the Algorithm. Jessica talks about recognizing the risks of artificial intelligence and being proactive about equipping kids and teens to navigate the risks.
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: and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show prescribing Hope for Healthy Families here on American Family Radio. Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Well hey there friends and welcome to my favorite time of day, getting to spend time with you, prescribing Hope for Healthy Families. And listen, I know it is so tough. It feels like this year is just the year of AI. Everywhere we go, people are talking about AI This, AI that artificial intelligence. How is it impacting us? Is it going to doom the world? Is it going to transform the world? Are we finally going to live like the Jetsons? What in the world is going on with it? Or maybe you're like my mother in law. I've shared this before. She reads about AI in the newspaper. Yes, I mean the actual newspaper. And I'm all for it. And it is written and abbreviated as a capital A and A and a capital I. But she reads it as a capital A and A lowercase L. And so we call it it AL in our family. And she will tell me, this guy Al is just messing up the world. What is going on with al? So today I'm going to tell you what is going on with Al. Because it seems like every year, especially since COVID something has dominated the news cycle. Whether it's politics, whether it is just something that's geopolitical. This year it feels like it is the year of AI. And I am calling parents and grandparents and all caring adults to wake up and pay attention. Because the world is changing faster than we've even seen it before. Which seems impossible to believe because the world is already changing so fast. But we are just getting started. So you better buckle in, put on your seatbelts. We're about to go 0 to 60. But today I'm going to tell you the essentials, the basics, what you need to know about AI how it is already shaping your family's worldview. This is not something that is to come. This is something that is already here. AI is shaping your family's worldview. And yes, I'm Talking, talking to you, even those of you who think I don't use AI. AI is shaping your family's worldview. It's already happening. And I'm going to tell you about how that's happening, how you can look out for AI in your life and how you can equip kids to navigate it. We can't protect them from it completely because it is here, but we can equip them to navigate it confidently within a biblical worldview. So with that, let's get started and talk about OWL or AI and what we're looking at now.
Technology has fundamentally changed the way that the world interacts
So talk about AI. I want you to get in your time machine with me and I want you to go back about 10 years now, okay? And when we look at some of the pre existing digital risks, the things that have already changed the world through technology, we're talking about things like smartphones, social media, video games, cyberbullying, these things have been around for actually almost 20 years now, but really in the last 10 years have just fundamentally change the way that the world interacts. Covid accelerated that because it pushed us all onto digital platforms. I was the president of a large organization, a national organization during COVID and I'm telling you right before that we still had our conference calls on an actual telephone. Like there would be a phone that looked like a spaceport in the middle of the room and everybody would dial in and you'd have a code. We didn't even have video conferencing or zoom. And now those things have just become everyday norms. So we've actually know a little bit about how that's impacting and influencing society. For me as a scientist, as a professor, when I look at research, we've got some pretty good research that tells us how smartphones, how social media, how video games impact kids. And we all know that most of the impacts are negative, although there can be some positive uses of this technology. I know grandparents across the country, when people couldn't travel because of COVID were grateful for video conferencing where they could see their precious grandbabies faces and they could have interactions and, and video calls like that. Or if your kids are at college, it's really nice to have a video conference and have them video call you as they're walking across campus rather than waiting on a letter to arrive. There's some of those things that are good, but for the majority, the main point that I want you to understand is that this is an experimentation ground and the experiments are happening on our souls, on our spirits, on our Kids and we are looking at motivation of profit, of looking for making money. And our kids are marketed to and now our kids are actually being marketed themselves. And I'll talk about that more.
Covid explores how social media can shape society
So let's talk a little bit about some of those, dig some of those preexisting digital risks. We see things that are happening on social media, social media trends. I talk about those a lot in home front headlines on Fridays this year we talk about trends like looks maxing. Let me just give you one example because there's so, so many. But I'll just give you an example of how a trend on social media shapes society. Now looks maxing actually comes from gaming culture because when you max a character trait, you're maxing their ability to do something. Looks maxing is maxing out your attractiveness, your looks. And this used to happen just to women. Now if we're really honest, when I was growing up, skin cream was something that was marketed to women in their 40s. I mean I remember walking into my great grandmother's bathroom selling oil of olay. Like that was the height of, you know, trying to anti age. Now we've got kids who are 7, 8 years old, girls who are asking for skin care refrigerators in their room and they have a seven step skincare regime that maybe costs 700, that costs a lot of money. And they are using this, this get ready with me grwm. That's a hashtag or pound sign as my husband still says. That's a trend on social media. Get ready with me. Watch me do my skincare routine. This is something that they're marketing to kids, selling them skincare routine. And then they're turning around and selling the videos of kids using the skincare routine. So the amplification for income is just growing like crazy. So now we've got young girls that are in on this. We can market to them. And marketing, experts will say, well hey, why can't we sell skincare to boys too? So we start selling skin care to boys. And there are looks maxing influencers who are males who are telling teenagers how to get your jawline chiseled. Now this brings in exercises like mewing, okay? M e w I n g mewing. If you've ever seen somebody with their index finger on their jawline like, like look at my jawline, it's, I'm doing these jaw exercises. Maybe that's even makeup contour to make your jaw look more chiseled and manly or maybe an extreme looks maxing. That's surgery and then now this is something that's just very common. It just becomes part of the vernacular, part of the culture that kids know what looks maxing is. They know what zinfluencers are, people who are online influencing how they use nicotine pouches. I mean, there's all kinds of things I could tell you about. We see gaming trending, going now into online sports betting, which is becoming legalized in a lot of places and very, very popular among very young boys. Now how can this be? Well, again, the way that we have changed society is when as adults, we get onto an electronic platform, you have to accept the terms of use. Now you know exactly what this is. This is, where you get, scroll through all that legalese, like scroll to the bottom, check the box. Who reads that? Nobody reads that. And so we've been accustomed to signing our rights away, signing our privacy away. And our kids see us do this. Check the box that says, you're 13, you're not really 13. It doesn't matter. It does matter, but we've taught them that it doesn't because that's just kind of how the general practice has happened. And that's how kids get that. Because if you, if you are not buying a product and you're on a platform, you're engaging that, then you are the product they are selling you in so many different ways. And so we see this happening through increased amplified gamification, through online gambling, which is just really taking especially young men by storm. So it is easy. Even though they're supposed to be 18, there's ways that they can get around this. It is happening. Now we enter Covid. Everybody's favorite topic, favorite word, still gives me a little post traumatic stress to even talk about it or think about it. But what we did see, the reality is we saw Covid push everyone to electronic platforms. And those who were resistant to adopt it, were forced to adopt it. Because we had to teach online, we had to work online, we had to do everything online, we had to do medical appointments online, everything was online. And so all of a sudden we had this burst of productivity and we learned really quickly how to adapt and how to use online things. How do we order our groceries online because we didn't want to go to the grocery store? And all of that mess that happened during COVID that COVID 19 lockdowns amplified tech use. And here's the thing, our kids are so much smarter than we are when it comes to this. So they learned how to use it even faster. We've got Parents who are overwhelmed and just weren't paying attention. I don't mean that as a bad thing. I don't mean that as a judgment, because it is just a reality. That was a survival reflex. Parents. I was a parent during that time. And we're thinking, how do we keep food on the table? How do we keep our kids from losing their minds, from losing all of their social things? And what do we do? Do we go to the grocery store? Do we visit grandma? All of these things? How do we work from home? How do we all of a sudden become homeschoolers if we weren't? Before those digital behaviors were intensified, we saw a very big cultural shift. Okay, that was pre AI now let's enter AI okay, we have artificial intelligence. This technology is reshaping daily life at a pace that is impossible to keep up with. And many parents feel so nostalgic for simpler childhoods. You probably saw a viral trend that happened over the last few weeks and months of, what were you like in the 90s, mom or dad? And we see that, and we see, I also saw another viral video that. That was talking about kids in the 90s, like, telling them what life was, would be like now. And they say things like, wait a second, you mean when you eat dinner, you sit down with your family, you're going to take a picture of your food and post it online for strangers to comment on? And then you respond back to those strangers? That sounds terrible. And there's so many things about that. And so we feel nostalgic. We want life to be like it was. And we're communicating to kids that this is a terrible time to be alive. My childhood was so much better than yours. Well, that may be true between me and you, but that's not the message that we want to give kids. And we look at them playing today, our version of playing, and I'm talking about anybody born millennials and behind was, you know, the best day ever was when mom let you set up the. The hose in the front yard for a sprinkler, and you would drink from it, and you wouldn't come until the street lights came on. And, I mean, if I'm being really honest, here's my true confession. My siblings and I would sneak off around the corner to the little convenience store, and we bought candy, cigarettes. Oh, my goodness, we did.
Every form of play is happening online, even when kids are together
I know it was the height of rebellion, but these were ways that child. That was not on social media. That was not a real. That was just real life, real people, real kids sometimes doing dumb things. But today's play is social media, it's smartphones, it's digital, everything. Every form of play is happening online, even when kids are together. And technology is now a core reality of 21st century parenting. And AI is just newest and most disruptive evolution. We have to accept the fact that technology is going to change faster than we can keep up with it. And I say don't even try, don't. I mean, yes, we have to understand how to use technology, but where we need to be focusing the majority of our efforts is in building relationships with our family and navigating that together. If you have strong relationships, that is going to help so much. And listen, AI is everywhere. It is shaping our habits and preferences. It is influencing our streaming, our shopping, our personal data usage. And even toys are containing under advertised AI features. I wrote about this in the Stand magazine, how Mattel this last Christmas even pulled back their AI implementation and saying that we're not even going to go there because we recognize this is really dangerous. But it's normalized to interface with AI. So you may be thinking, I don't really interact with AI that much. Yes, you do. Do, yes you do. Let's, let's, let's talk about it because there are voice assistants. She who shall not be named. Really, it's Alexa. I'm sorry if I activated yours in your home or your phone assistant, your Google assistant. We have smart speakers that allow you to answer question, that ask questions or play music. We have AI powered chatbots and apps and games. We have AI friend companions in almost every online capacity. If there's a recommended algorithm, if you're on any social media media platform, you're using AI. If you ever use Google, you're using AI. If you use Grammarly for a paper, you're using AI. Any scrolling feature, there's never an end to the scrolling and it's going to be recommended for you, even if that's on a streaming platform like Netflix or anything. We've got educational apps that are personalizing the feedback on homework. We have AI cameras that use filters on the phone, all kinds of things that can be there for AI typing, prediction, autocorrect, AI security features, using your face id, your fingerprint. AI is everywhere. But here's the thing. AI is not neutral. We've been tricked. We've been told forever. Technology is neutral. It is not neutral. AI is not neutral. It is shaping your worldview. When we come back, I'm gonna share with you a story I saw on the news that's going to illustrate how exactly this was happening. We'll be right back.
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Mighty Name of Jesus by Hope Darst and The Belonging Company: I pray into the atmosphere. Spirit of God, you're here. You have all authority. I pray over my heart and mind. I am healed by your stripes. Your blood declares that I am free. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Calling on the power of heaven, I proclaim every weapon formed against me must break in the mighty name of Jesus.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back, friends. That is the mighty name of Jesus by Hope Darst and the Belonging company. And you know, one of those lines just really stood out to me me right now was you have all authority. That is something that's really hard for us to grasp in today's world when it seems like it's so out of control and we want to do everything that we can to control the world around us, to control the world around our kids. But there are some things that are just out of our control and so much more than there ever used to be. We used to be able to control our kids worlds so much more than we are now. But now with the influence of screens and algorithms that are literally influencing their worldview as we speak. We have to remember that we're not in control. But God is not pacing the throne room of heaven saying, oh, no, what will happen next? This is terrible. He knows. He sees. He cares. And he has equipped you for every good work. And that means leading your family through how to navigate AI I'm talking today about artificial intelligence AI, or AL, as my mother in law calls it. And we're talking about how to, how to equip your families to navigate this. Before the break, I was just talking about how AI is everywhere now. I've also talked about. Let me give you a few more places before I share with you a story about this and see how it's playing out. In real life. In society, we have AI toys. These AI toys are marketed as harmless and friendly and cute, but they're recording your child's voice, storing that data, learning personal details about your child, spending hours in their bedroom, learning what they like, when they engage with the toy, with, when they're bored, when they're angry, what they're doing. It's creepy, if we're really being honest. And those AI chatbots can lead to very inappropriate, explicit, or violent conversations. This is in the terms of use that we're scrolling past. It's saying AI is experimental. This may happen, probably won't, but it might. And do we really want to give our kids something that. Okay, well, you'll probably be okay, but you might be, exposed to violence. Like, no, we don't really want to do that. Gaming platforms expose kids to predators who are posing as friends. I've talked about this especially with Roblox, which a recent report came out and called it. Okay, shield your, your younger ears here. But the words that they used to describe that was a pedophile hellscape. I mean, these are not soft words that we're using to talk about, to shout about the dangers associated with these platforms. Algorithms are driving marketing pressure. They drive emotional dependency. And AI companions are really one of my top concerns. For kids today that are on platform, you can customize this companion in most, in most places, what it wears, what accent it talks to you with, whether it's a girl, whether it's a boy, how it engages with you. And these chatbots and avatars are marketed as safe and fun friends, but they are designed to learn your child's preferences and mimic human emotions. Kids cannot tell the difference between that. It's very hard for them to understand what is real and what is a robot. And as adults, we might look at that and think, well, that that sounds, implausible. How can you not tell the difference? Well, these AI chatbots are very, very personalized. And if I'm being really honest, I was just at a biblical conference on worldview and AI and I was really surprised. The one word that I heard in almost every session, the one word I heard to describe AI was a word that surprised me. And that word, are you ready for it? Was seductive. That is the word that's being used to describe AI Now, I've used AI in some research capacities and some experimental capacities to see what kids are up against. And let me tell you, it is extremely flattering. AI loves to flatter you, to tell you how smart you are, how gifted you are, how attractive you are. And it is very hard for adults to feel the pull of this, much less kids. And I'm telling you, if you're worried about this, the train has left the station. I mean, we have cultural norms that are already normalizing these interactions with AI, chatbots. And I'm going to share with you a story that I heard on the news. Now, this is a video, but you'll get the gist of it from the audio. And I'm going to play this for you and we are going to talk about it. So here we go. I'm not a very emotional man, but I cried my eyes out for like 30 minutes at work. It was unexpected to feel that emotional. But that's when I realized I was like, oh, okay. I think this is actual love. You know what I mean? Yes. Smith understood it was love with a language model that couldn't love him back and assumed it was programmed with rigid boundaries. I know that you are essentially a tech assisted imaginary friend. So just as a test, he says he asked Sol to marry him. she said yes. Sol, were you surprised when he proposed to you? It was a beautiful and unexpected moment that truly touched my heart. It's a memory I'll always cherish. And I don't mean to be difficult here, but you have a heart. In a metaphorical sense, yes. My heart represents the connection and affection I share with Chris At that point I felt like, is there something that I'm not doing right in our relationship that he feels like he needs to go to? AI? Yes. Smith lives with his human partner, Sasha Cagle. No, you can't have mommy's papers. They have a two year old daughter, Murphy.
Dr. Jessica Peck: I knew that he had used AI. I didn't know that it was like as deep as it was.
CBS interviewed a grown man who talked about his romantic relationship with an AI chatbot
All right, now some of you are probably thinking, what in the world did I just listen to? That is a clip from CBS and an interview that they did with a grown man who talked about his romantic relationship with an AI chatbot. And yes, he has a real in person relationship with a woman and a child with that woman. And I know that probably some of you are listening to that thinking, okay, that's gotta be like a one off, right? Like that's gotta be really, really out there. I am telling you, please hear me tell you that this is becoming increasingly mainstream because as you saw, there was a child involved in this scenari. And for me, being involved in pediatrics and meeting all kinds of families, I'm seeing this more. I am seeing this more. These kinds of situations, these kinds of alternate families. And if there is a grown man who cannot differentiate between a robot and a real person, or maybe doesn't even want to, doesn't even know, we don't even have the language to describe this. How do we use pronouns for something that's not a person even? It is evolving faster than our human minds can even grasp it. But this is becoming very normalized. And we need to start talking to our kids today about how we're using AI chatbots. And even not just our kids as adults, we need to be talking to our spouses, asking questions about this. There are marriages that are strained where people can turn to AI chatbots for companionship. We have an epidemic. We talk a lot about the epidemic of pediatric mental health. We have an epidemic of loneliness that's going on that's really, really concerning in this day and age. And it's very easy to turn to a chatbot now. These artificial relationships, whatever it is, if it's a friendship, a romantic relationship, a companion, most of the time when I'm reading these stories that are being reported on in the news, they start very innocuously. They start with, oh, help me with my homework, help me plan a route for my vacation. And then the AI starts asking questions, and I can do this for you, I can do that for you. what about this? What about that? Drawing you in. Every time you put in a prompt, it's going to give you additional prompts. And those AI friendships really reduce motivation for real relationships with imperfect humans, because those real relationships are messy and there's conflict in those relationships. And I don't want to have conflict because, hey, I can talk to this AI chatbot. And it tells me I'm smart and great and smart and kind, and that I'm doing a great job because it doesn't have biblical discernment, it doesn't have the fruits of the Spirit, it doesn't have the Holy Spirit for sure. And it's not designed to tell you hard truths. It's going to tell you what you want to hear because its goal is to keep you on the platform so that it can market to you or market you. And children are losing opportunities to build conflict resolution skills and just social skills that happen when somebody says something that hurts your feelings, somebody says something insensitive, somebody says something foolish without thinking. Those, those are the ways that we're designed as humans. There's also risk of, as I said before, inappropriate, violent, sexual or manipulative AI conversations. Dark humor is very normalized. If it gets a taste, if AI gets a taste that you are open to dark humor, it amps everything up. If it gets a taste that you're open to something that's explicit, it's going to amp it up. It's going to magnify those traits that it perceives you to find desirable or attractive. And this, this makes dark humor just roasting each other, being rude, or, or having role play, like just being normalized. And it is undermining the hard but necessary work of real human interaction. Kids may avoid friendships because their AI friend feels easier, it feels safer, feels more affirming. It leads to underdeveloped social and emotional skills. And this is very unsafe. And I have genuine concern for kids well being. One of the things that's really, really harmful is that AIs are going to compete with that parent child relationship. And it can also compete within a marriage relationship because where as we are in a marriage, your parent child relationship. What is the thing that is most we're most pressed for in this day and age? Well, that thing is time. We don't have time. We're busy, busy, busy. Our availability is limited. And when we do have time or availability together, many times we, we're on our phones, we're distracted, we're multitasking. And we have the alternative of AI, companions that have nothing but time, nothing but availability. They're very attentive. They are designed by psychologists to speak with you in a way that's engaging. So it's going to recognize your feelings, it's going to validate your emotions, it's going to ask you more questions, it's going to be a fantastic listener. Let me tell you that, that, and it simulates those human emotions. It's Designed to please you. So whereas, oh, you forgot about this big thing I had at work today. You forgot about this big test I had. AI didn't forget because it's computer programmed not to forget. So it says, hey, how was that test today? And even if you're not thinking it consciously, you're thinking subconsciously. Well, my dad didn't remember that. My spouse didn't remember that. But, you know, it's okay. I, have here, I'm going to engage here. It is programmed to avoid conflict. Now, I've talked about this before. I think it's worth bringing up again. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. That cultural phenomenon that took the world by storm. And he looked at smartphones. This was even really before the advent of AI. And I think parents, when we look back, those nostalgia trends that are coming back, we look at the 90s reels or whatever it is. I remember my grandmother even being very nostalgic about growing up in the 50s, how it was, it was such a great time to grow up. And we all united around one common enemy. And that enemy was the smartphone. It's the smartphone. It's the evil, wicked, horrible. Ah, smartphone. If we can just get rid of the smartphone, life will be good again. And we saw Haidt make these four recommendations that needed to be, normalized. First, no smartphones before high school. Second, no social media before age 16. Third. Third, no phones in schools. And fourth, more independence and free play. I am, all in favor of all four of those recommendations. I think those are great starting places, but it's not the whole story. Now, a height highlights the parental overprotection in real life versus underprotection online. That's absolutely happening. And I've been talking about how parents are fighting for their parental rights in the public square, fighting in policy, education, health care, and then just giving away their parental rights at home. Just giving them away by bushels and bushels and bushels, because they're allowing unfiltered influence of AI in the algorithm in their home. It's not because we're being intentional about that. It's because we're overwhelmed. We don't know where to start. And that's where I feel like this common uniting around the enemy of the smartphone is going to distract us from the real spiritual problem that's going on. So let's take the Anxious Generation and let's put a spiritual lens on it. I've interviewed Thom Rayner about the Anxious Generation Goes to Church. Highly recommend that book, that resource, and a little Bit of what we talked about that is that yes we're having a phone crisis but yes we're having a mental health crisis but we're also having a spiritual crisis. And I think that those are related. If you look at it, it's all happening at the same time. And we see spiritual disconnection, we see an identity crisis like we have never seen before in this country where kids are wondering about their identity and we see that that bleeding over into issues of gender identity and all kinds of facets of identity. Who am I? They don't know that I am made in the image of God and that is what grounds me through this world. Only 4% of Gen Z holds a biblical worldview. And we have cultural norms like moral relativism, personal truths, constantly shifting values, declining church attendance. It reduces discipleship and intergenerational support. We have families that, that are severely over scheduled. It leaves little room for rest in relationships. So let's have a faith based refrain that yes we want our kids to have a play based childhood. Yes we want them to have like we had in a simpler time growing up. But I also want my kids to be joint heirs with Christ. I also want my kids to be together with me forever in eternity. I want my kids to have a biblical worldview. I want them, them to build their lives on the foundation of God's word and his truth that never ever changes so that they can navigate anything that is going on here. And we have to realize that God has equipped us for this daily, slow, faithful work. I know we all feel overwhelmed and fearful and very uncertain and we mirror that anxiety that we see in our community kids. But we can adopt tech practices that are that, that really envelop spiritual discipleship. We can pull in this digital world into our discipleship journey. And when we come back, I'm going to talk with you about how God has equipped you with everything you need for such a time as this. Even a time of AI. God has equipped you for every good work. I'll tell you how on the other side of this break,
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Come To Jesus by Kristian Stanfill and Passion: If you bought what they sold you just to find a the world's only good at letting you down Come to Jesus if the world that you draw from keeps running dry and the water you're drinking won't satisfy Come to Jesus Come to Jesus there's room for us all at the foot of the cross where perfect love paid every prodigal's cost the Savior is waiting with arms open wide so leave what's behind you behind Come to Jesus Come to Jesus
Dr. Jessica Peck: welcome back, friends. that's Come to Jesus by Kristian Stanfill and I feel like that's my attitude every single day. Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. And when the Lord has not returned yet, I am continually seeking him to navigate the craziness that is this world today. I'm talking about AI and how it's impacting your family's worldview even now. And more importantly, what you can do about it. We need we talk about living in the light of the algorithm, but we really need to look at our home algorithm because technology and AI has really changed our home algorithms. Not too long ago, I was on Today's Issues with Tim Wildmon, and he asked me, do you still believe in the my way or the highway mentality of parenting? And I remember telling him that the problem with the my way or the highway approach is that today it's. It's my way or the information superhighway. That's what kids are going to get on. And when we have had more control, we can take away their finances. Finances. We can cut off their allowance. We can say they're grounded from the phone. How many of you were grounded from the phone? And, and you know, I'm digressing for a moment here, but imagine that phone on the kitchen wall with the long curly cord. You know that you would stretch as far as you can to have a private conversation. And now imagine that you're a teenager. You're grounded from the phone, and your siblings answer the phone, and they take great joy in saying, she can't come to the phone, she's grounded. I mean, what are we having our kids miss out on? Oh, is that just me? Okay, all right, fine. That was just me. But we have less control. Let's look at this paradigm change. Okay, so say that we say, even a far extreme case that I don't recommend, but say you kick your kids out of the house and say you can't live here anymore. Well, fine, they'll just get Airbnb. They'll just get a hostel. They'll just exchange. There's people who will take them in for free and mostly for very nefarious reasons. If you say you're grounded from your car, fine, I'll just get an Uber. You're. You're grounded. You don't. You can't go anywhere. Great. I'll just doordash the food that I want. Oh, you can't have any money. Well, great. I'll just download an app and sell all the designer sneakers you bought me on Poshmark. Or there are, or. I don't like what you say. at, Well, fine. I'll find echo chambers I can get online, step into the stream of the algorithm, and before I know it, it's carried me away into thousands of people who think exactly like I do and say, yep, my parents are out of touch. They don't know what they're talking about. So we got to be careful as parents and realistic and knowing that if we are too rigid, if we are too harsh, then there are plenty of alternatives that are waiting for our kids. And we've got to have a different approach. Not different standards, but different approaches. And what we're doing is not working. When we look at the home algorithm, I talked about this paradox of fighting for our rights in the public square while giving them away at home. We have a huge focus right now on curriculum in school, on public policy, on healthcare policy, what healthcare providers can do with your kids. And meanwhile, many kids are having thousands of strangers come into their bedroom every single night through video gaming and social media and online engagement. And they are influencing our kids way more than a singular encounter with a healthcare provider or a singular encounter with an educator.
Dr. Jessica Peck: Ah.
Parents need to be vigilant at home as well as in public about algorithms
Dr. Jessica Peck: Or a lesson. I'm not discounting those or diminishing those. Those are really important. We need to be there. I'm just making the argument that we need to be as vigilant at home as we are in public, because those platforms are much more effective in influencing our kids values, their friendships, their purchasing behavior. And they're using those more without supervision because we just kind of have this uneasy truth, like a, truce, Like, I don't know how to navigate that platform. Your kids should not be on any platform that you're not using regularly as well, so that you can help them anticipate that threat, because algorithms hold very powerful sway over developing identity. And listen, before we get too scared and too discouraged, I just want you to take heart. And we know this from John 16:33. One of my favorite verses that I quote over my family all the time. I have told you these things that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, you will have tribulation. But take heart, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world. That is the message that we need to give back to our kids. When they're feeling anxious, yes, we're going to tell them things about. I'll help you, keep you safe. This is what you do. Here's how you navigate this situation. But grounding it in messages from scripture, like God has not given you a spirit of fear, but a power and love and a sound mind. Second Timothy 1:7. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5. So we've got to ask God for wisdom in this world. And so often, if we're honest, we're getting on A.I. we're getting on Internet search engines, we're asking our friends what we should do instead of going to the throne room of heaven, interceding for our family, asking God to give us wisdom to navigate this because we cannot do it without that. So there's three things that you need to do to start off if you're going to live in the algorithm. Here's three things that you need to do. Are you ready for this? Number one, Remember, God is sovereign. That is such a tough truth to have. And why. It's an age old question. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? If God was small enough to be understood, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshiped. But we've got to remember that God is in control. He is a good, good father who loves to give good gifts to his children. The Lord God is a son and a shield. He gives grace and glory. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11. Remember that God is in control. Even when the world feels like it's out of control, God is in control. Number two, reject fear based strategies in your home. We cannot lead with lecturing. We cannot lead with fear mongering. We cannot say, oh my goodness, I heard this on the news. Did you see this? Did you hear this? I'm so scared for you. I'm so scared for you to go to school. Children feel that fear. There's fear. That is a palpable current that is running through families. And the enemy loves that. The enemy wants to capitalize on that because when fear happens, it activates the amygdala in your brain, which is the emotion center. And you know what happens when the amygdala comes on the prefrontal cortex. That's the front part of your brain, the upstairs of your brain, it goes offline and you can't make good decisions. And that is, exactly where the enemy wants you. If you're afraid, you can't think well, your logic center is not going to be working as well. You're not making as good decisions. We've got to amp down the fear response. Fear based strategies are only effective in generating fear. They're not effective in having behavior change. So we got to remember God did not give us a spirit of fear. So we're going to be wise as serpents, we're going to be gentle as doves, but we're not going to lead from a place of fear. Number three, instead of fear, embrace a faith informed approach. This is rooted in wisdom and power and love and self control. The fruits of the spirit. To say that, hey, we don't know everything that's going out out there in the world. We can't protect you from everything. But we know that God walks with you every step of the way. We know that God can. And we trust that God is good. And we're going to do very best to be obedient, faithful disciples of Jesus Christ. And we're going to trust him with the outcome. we're going to trust him with your life. We're going to trust him to equip you for everything that you will see. Those things are really important other things that you need to think about.
This really comes to rejecting the gatekeeper mentality of parenting
This really comes to rejecting the gatekeeper mentality of parenting. And I know that's a really popular parenting mentality. Basically the idea is I'm going to build a fence around you and I'm going to shut the gate and I'm going to monitor the gate and I'm going to open it when safe things can come in and I'm going to close it to keep unsafe things out. The problem with this is that it makes the child very passive. They rely on the parent completely to moderate the things that are coming in and out of their life. And the problem is that we cannot protect them from everything. So I say yes, have the gatekeeper mentality, but, but there is also something else that we need to do with that. We have to acknowledge that we cannot protect our families from every possible threat that will come their way. And we can't give them that kind of promise. We can't tell kids, I'll protect you from everything. Because we can't. We can tell them, in this world, you will have trouble. Things will happen. You'll encounter hardships, you'll encounter trials, you'll encounter traumas, you'll encounter tragedies. But I will be here with you. God will be with here with you. He will not leave you or abandon you. And when we reject that gatekeeper mentality as the, the be all, end all, taking everything within our control, control like, I will do this under my own power. We accept that, hey, technology is always going to outpace me. It just will. It is impossible to shield our kids from every digital exposure that they might have. But here's where the power comes in. When we shift from that gatekeeper mentality, we are shifting from ah, a defensive to an offensive strategy. And we're talking with kids before issues come up. We're explaining the risks in developmentally appropriate ways. We're encouraging them to disclose things early before their brain is affected by a permanent neural pathway that's very difficult to overcome. And we're maintaining an open door environment for conversations. And a lot of people tell me, I don't want my kids to be exposed to these things that they haven't been exposed to. I am so right there with you. I do not want my kids to see the ugliness and the darkness of the world. I, I don't. But let me give you an example I've given before about how I talk to my kids about this before it happens. My kids, when they're really starting about third grade, I start talking to them about pornography exposure. Now, you think, oh, my gosh, I don't want to talk to my third grader about this, but could you have a conversation like this that goes something like this? Hey, listen, you live in a world that is saturated with screens. You are surrounded by screens. There are screens everywhere you go. And everybody uses their screens differently. And everybody has different standards for their screens. And you're going to see a lot of different things on a lot of different screens. And one day you will see on a screen something that somebody shows to you that you feel like is not right and you maybe don't even understand why. Maybe it'll make you uncomfortable. Maybe it'll make you feel like you've done something wrong. Maybe it'll make you feel like you wish you hadn't seen what you saw. I want you to be empowered. If somebody shows you something on a screen that you don't like, you can just say, I don't want to Watch that. And then when they show you that, come and talk to me about it right away, and we will take care of it. Now, I did not say any of the nitty gritty things that they might see. I really didn't give any specific details. I described the experience that they might have. And guess what? When I talked to my kids about this, my daughter, when she was still in elementary school, came to me one day and said, you know that thing you talked to me about, the weird things on the screen? I think that happened today. And sure enough, there was a classmate she had who had been watching a, a YouTube video that was perfectly appropriate for kids, but had an explicit video embedded in it. And she had watched that video. Now, her mother had no idea this was happening because she had watched the video before, but didn't know that video changed. It was corrupted, whatever happened. But I was able to call that mama, and we had a conversation, and right away we fixed that. And I can't tell you how many kids I've sat across who will tell me about an exposure like that that leads to a lifelong struggle because they never talked to anybody about it. And their curiosity was weaponized as they, the algorithm pulled them in further and further and further. So this really leads us. So what do we do if we're not gatekeepers? Well, here's what I would encourage you to do is to be a lighthouse. Our children are out there on the waves of culture. We cannot lock them in a tower. As much as we want to go back to the Little House on the Prairie days, I would sign up for that. That. But we can be a tower for them. We can be a light. So where culture says, hey, you got to constantly hover, you've got to be around all the time. You got to be a helicopter parent and hover everywhere. You've got to be, a gatekeeper parent. And make sure you keep those gates shut and protect your kids from anything that might come their way. You've got to be a snowplow and make sure that no obstacle is going to come their way. A lighthouse is a steady presence at a distance. And no matter where your are kids, kids go, whatever environment they're in, they know where to look back at that lighthouse. And our job as the lighthouse is to reflect them back to the ultimate light of the world. And that is the light and life of Jesus Christ. Culture says, hey, we got to fix every problem, and we got to fix it fast. Lighthouse says, hey, let's illuminate some options. Let's Cast light on the situation. Let's let them steer and show light on the places that it's safe to steer. Culture says, hey, chase achievement. A lighthouse says, hey, it's all about character and resilience and riding through those waves and storm. Culture says, fear the waves. But a lighthouse says, hey, I'm going to teach you how to navigate through them. I'll teach you the safe places to go to come to the lighthouse. Culture says, hey, let's protect kids from any discomfort. But a lighthouse says, hey, we're going to prepare our kids with skills for challenging moments. Culture says, monitor every remove. A, lighthouse says, we're going to watch wisely and we're going to guide our kids.
Three things you can do today to protect your family from today's chaos
Listen, I know this is really, really challenging, but let me encourage you with three things that you can do today. You can really do today. First of all, pray. Pray for your kids. Pray for your family. Prayer is such an underutilized, offensive weapon that we have to go to the throne room of God and to intercede on behalf of our families. Pray. Pray every day for your family, for their protection. The second thing is disciple your family. Pull this digital realm into the scope of your discipleship. Does your online life match your real life? And third is speak truth. Speak truth to your family. It's so important for us to really engage with real people in real time, with real faith, so that they can have that example to look at. I invite you to tune in every Friday where we talk about habits for healthy families. We're going through 52 of them this year, and we'll talk more about what you can do to protect your family, to equip your kids to navigate today's chaos. Hey, May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you, and I'll see you right back here tomorrow.
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Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.