Dr. Jessica Peck We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound250 and say the keyword baby or visit preborn.com/AFR
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hello and welcome to the Doctor Nursemama Show Prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite day of the week. It is Fry. Yay. And we're getting ever closer and closer and closer to the holidays. I don't know about you. I live way down in the south and it's starting to feel a little cool from time to time. I think we're past the the first fake fall that comes in. You think, oh, colder weather's here. No, do not be fool by that. It will go away, it will come back. It'll be hot and muggy and the hot and muggy weather will come back. And then we have real fall. And it feels like that I am getting ready for Thanksgiving. I hope you all are as well and you're gathering with friends or family or both or maybe a, ah, family friends that you've made into family. If you can't travel or whatever your situation is and we're looking forward to Christmas, you can't escape it. I know some of you are not putting up your trees till after Thanksgiving. I say bless your heart. No, I'm, I'm kidding not I am. But one thing that you need to do before Thanksgiving, really truly before the holidays is you need to buy your first Christmas present. If you haven't already make it For Operation Christmas Child we're going to be featuring this next week on the show. We're going to talk to a recipient of an Operation Christmas Child shoe box. If you're new to this, this is a shoe box that is filled with Christmas gifts sent to a child somewhere in this big wide world. You go online, you could go to a drop off center, you pay $10 for shipping and you get to see where your box goes most of the time. Sometimes you know that that doesn't happen. Sometimes with shipping things can be confidential or you may not know exactly where. But when I have registered my boxes online, I've been able to see where they have gone in the world. So you can go to samaritanspurse.org/occ that is samaritanspurse.org/occ find a local church who's participating. You can find a drop off center there. You can go to the Amazon storefront, see everything that's approved. You can find a list online. I encourage you to get your kids, get your grandkids, get your neighbor's kids, get kids you meet in the grocery store in a non creepy way of course, I'm saying just be safe out there but really truly invite kids to participate in the gift of giving. Kids today, they need that to know that they need to know how to give, that it is better to give than to receive. So we'll continue to talk about that and be promoting that. But I encourage you to really get engaged and, and to do at least one box because is a really precious experience. And once you hear some of those testimonies, I'm telling you it will move your heart for sure.
Resilience Matters Amid Heavy Pressures On Parents And Families
And that brings us back to where we are on Friday. We're Friday in November. If you've been following along all year we started off in January. We are doing a journey as we have done for three years now, where we are working on just everyday disciplines, those things that, those everyday graces that God has given us where it's in the mundane that our legacy and family becomes miraculous. We started with four core spiritual disciplines, six rhythms that your family needs, eight communication patterns. And then we talked all about tech in the summertime, we talked about safety and now we're in our B attitudes series. How do we be? We've talked about how to be hopeful, how to be a good friend, how to be Unafraid, how to be a family influencer, how to be content, how to be tender hearted and how to be intentional. So what in the world am I going to talk about today? Well, I'm going to talk about how do we be resilient, how do we raise resilient kids, how do we be resilient grownups? How do we raise resilient families? We want our kids to be ready for life. We want them to be tough, but not jaded. We want them to recover when a friendship falls apart. We want them to keep going even when the going gets tough. We want them to know that a disappointment appointment, something that happens with a broken relationship, that it doesn't speak over their identity or their future. But the truth is that preparing children for life today in America to thrive, it requires us to pay attention to the world they're growing up in now. We don't pay attention to it as much as we like to criticize it, critique it, talk about all the things we hate about it, talk about the ways that we wish the world was like it was. But we've got to face the reality of what kids are facing today and what we as families are facing today. No matter what age major stage you're in, and those pressures reach way beyond the walls of our homes. It is just all out into the community, into our world. We have a global society and families today are facing some tough stuff. The economy is tough. They've gotten. We're navigating financial strain. We're really concerned about safety, safety just in a global sense, but also safety in a community sense, safety in an individual sense. Because our kids are interacting online, we have this cultural current that just seems to grow increasingly turbul. We have ever changing technology that as soon as we learn how to use one thing, there's something else that's new and just the demands of everyday life. And parents themselves are carrying a very heavy load. Now something that caught my attention in 2024 was the surgeon General's advisory report. And that said that at that time, just a hair under half of all parents, about half said their stress was completely overwhelming on most days, to the point of almost being debilitating. That is really overwhelming now. When they looked at adults who did not have any children, that was only 26%. Only about half of those adults said that they felt that kind of stress. This is a picture of a family who needs support.
Children Need Supportive Adults To Face Today's Emotional Challenges
It's a picture of families who really, really care about their kids and who are walking with the burdens of stewarding their childhood. Well. And not only are the parents struggling, kids are struggling too. And that and the CDC's 2023 National Survey, which, that data usually takes a while to come out. So that's the most recent. Approximately 40%. That's just again, a little under half. 40% of high school students said, I feel persistent sadness or hopelessness pretty much every day feeling that way. And these were kids who had said, yep, I felt it for at least two weeks. That is distress. And that is really concerning. And the digital complicates all of this. Social media gives connection and creativity, but it also exposes kids to harmful experiences. That's concerning. We can't say that it is a safe place to be. It's an experimental ground that we're letting our kids run around in. And we, we really. Amidst, that, that backdrop, parents are getting a lot of conflicting advice. Like, we're hearing like, kids need to be tougher these days, but we're also hearing like, hey, kids are facing a lot to be gentler. Let them struggle. No, you, you need to protect them. Like, it's just, it is so hard. What do we do? Well, today we are going to explore a healthier approach. How do we raise kids who can face difficulty without teaching them to just hide and to not share with anybody any of their struggles that we have? We'll talk about how do we comfort them while helping them also be capable, and how do we make sure that just telling them to be resilient never becomes an excuse for adults to. To preventable harm. There's a lot of, criticism against the resilience movement, and I'll talk honestly about that. The good news is that our Christian faith gives us room for courage and fears at the same time. We can have happiness and tears at the same time. We can have striving and rest. We can have personal responsibility and shared burdens. And that is a beautiful thing. So let's talk about where does that, let balance begin? Where is what, where does resilience begin? Well, resilience is not something that your family is just going to magically acquire. It's not like you're going to go to some workshop or have one conversation, then all of a sudden, oh, boom, your family's resilient. Like, it doesn't work like that. Resilience grows through relationships primarily and through practice. That's really important. Those repeated interactions of supportive relationships with supportive adults help them skill build. It helps us skill build. And one of the things we know for sure about resilience is that the number one predictor of resilience, of kids being able to handle those tough things that come their way in a way that, you know is tough, but they will recover and they will thrive, is a meaningful relationship to a connected adult. And the awesome thing about that is you get to decide if that is going to be you in your kid's life. You get to take on that role and be that person for them. And that is the way that God designed it. That's really important. Our, kids can feel really scared of the, of the threats that are in today's world. They can feel disappointed in the ways that their friends let them down or whatever might happen. They can feel overwhelmed, and they can still be learning resilience. Here's the beautiful thing about this, because when you experience stress, especially for kids, kids when their brain is still learning and it's not fully formed there, when they experience stress, their brain is learning how to process it. And their brain releases a bath of stress chemicals and it activates their fight or flight response. And they're figuring out what to do and when. They don't have any protective mechanisms that that chemical stream in their brain is. And, I'm speaking in generalities here, but in a way that hopefully it's easy to understand, it just kind of stays and it starts to reshape the connections, the size, the shape of their brain, but here in a. And not a great way. But here's the beautiful thing. When you come up to your kid, when you look at them in the eyes, in that moment when you put your arm around them, when you snuggle them in tight, when you speak encouraging words of life and identity to them, it shuts off that stress response and it gives their brain a little pause to start for the building blocks of resilience. It tells them, hey, I have hard things, but I'm not alone and I'm going to be okay. That is really important work. Now, you don't get an instant report card for that. You don't get an instant indicator. You don't get a, a feedback, a like a notification. You know how we, we're so trained to want that instant feedback. You don't get that. They may just stop crying and just say, okay, maybe a thank you. But really, you need to know that that is important work. We want to fix their situation sometimes, or we want to intervene in their life. We want to protect them. We still will. We'll do all of those things as we need to. But don't underestimate the importance of your comfort. We can teach our kids to face hard things while making sure they know where to turn to for help and support. That is to us as their parents, to other supportive adults in their life. If you're an aunt, you're an uncle, you're a grandparent, your coach, you're a teacher, all, point out all of those safe people, and that is going to help them.
Balance Validation, Age Appropriate Challenges, And Protection
So when we talk about, you know, our kids too soft or too tough today, like, what is it? Let, Let' talk a little bit about what that looks like. Because really, the too tall, too tough or too soft, that should talk about our responses, not labeling kids and their identity. And so when we dismiss distress, when we see our kids that are distressed and we say, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. Right? That's the parenting line that's been passed down to us. Or it's nothing. You don't need to be upset. Like, stop it. A healthier response would be, hey, I can see that you're upset right now. Tell me what happened. Give them a minute to recoup, and then you're going to move them towards positive coping mechanism instead of removing every obstacle, you know, you're going to say, like, okay, you're upset. I'll just do it. I'll do it myself. That makes kids feel like, oh, I'm not capable. I can't do it. Instead, we can say, hey, all right, let's work out what you can do. I'll help you a little, but you need to do this on your own. Let's figure out how to set you up for success. And, you know, if we just tell our kids, toughen up, like, we can say, okay, here's where your perspective needs to shift here. But here's where I need to step in and give you a little support and protection. That's really important. So we can listen to our kids without promising that everything's going to go perfectly. We can just, you know, set them up for success in that way. Our expectations have to fit their age, their developmental stage, their personality. If they have certain disabilities, sometimes that may limit what they're able to do. If they have certain circumstances. Know, accommodations can be helpful in those situations. But it's important just to look and see what they need and help. A healthy question to ask, is that, is this a challenge to practice? Is this a burden to share, or this is a harm to stop? When our kids experiencing something tough, we can think, okay, is this a challenge where they have an opportunity to practice here. Can we lean into this? Is the practice environment safe? If they fail, is it going to be high stakes? Is it the end of the world or can they practice that? Can they practice making their own lunch? And if they don't bring their lunch, well, not having lunch for one day is not going to be the end of the world. That's a coach's job to make sure the practice environment safe. So let them practice it. Or is this just a burden to share? Is this just something, Hey, I can't do anything about it, but I sure can give you some encouragement and some hope. I can sit here with you. I can honor, the tears that you're crying about it. I can handle your frustration. I can carry your burdens and in so doing fulfill the law of Christ. Or maybe, maybe it's a harm to stop. Maybe when your child is facing something, you need to call that other parent and talk about that behavior. You need to intervene with the school or that teacher or that coach or whatever it is that is going to help you distinguish. What are we going to do? When we come back, I'm going to talk some more about the seven Cs of resilience. Resilience and how we can raise resilient families. I'll be right back on the other side of this break. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nursemama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Keep Me in the Moment by Jeremy Camp I've been thinking about time and where does it go? How can I stop my life from passing me by? I don't know I've been thinking about family now it's going so fast Will I wake up one morning Just wishing that I could go back? I've, been thinking about lately maybe I can make a change and let it change me so with all of my heart this is my pray singing oh, keep me in the moment Help me live with my eyes wide open I don't wanna miss what you have for me singing oh, show me what matters Throw away what I'm chasing after? Cause I don't wanna miss what you have for me Keep me in the moment oh, keep me in the moment Keep me in the moment I don't wanna miss what you have for me
Dr. Jessica Peck welcome back, friends that is keep me in the moment by Jeremy Camp. And that's a great reminder for us. That is actually my word of the season. I know a lot of people do a word of the year, but my word of the season is present. I'm trying really hard to be present for my family, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I really don't want to miss a moment of the blessings that God has in store for me. And today, it's such a blessing to be able to talk with you about this week's healthy habit. We're talking about being resilient. Resilient. How do we raise resilient families? And right before the break, I said, when our kids or ourselves, for example, when we face something tough, we can think, okay, is this a challenge that I need to practice? Is this a burden that I need to share? Or is this a harm I need to stop? So sometimes even as adults, maybe it's something where God is teaching us patience. He's teaching us endurance. And when we ask God to teach us those things, he doesn't teach us by waving a magic wand and saying, oh, okay, you got it now. You asked for it. You got it now. He gives us opportunities to practice that and to refine our character. And we can. We can challenge. We. We can have a challenge that we practice, a burden that we share with somebody else. Sometimes we just carry that all ourselves or a harm to stop. And sometimes you need some help with that, and you need to talk about, that. So some things that would be practice would be like losing a game if you're in a slump in sports or you're learning how to do a chore and it's not going so well, or just learning how to get along with siblings. Those are challenges to practice practice. Things that are burdens to share would be loss of a family member or a friend going through a serious illness, a major family disruption like a move or a divorce. Having some sustained support and appropriate professional help as needed would be important. And of course, things to stop immediately are, abuse, exploitations, threats, ongoing harassment. Adults need to intervene in those things. And we know that the help, the balance there is that for kids is a gradual handoff of that responsibility with dependable love throughout. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg is a pediatrician who's done a lot of research on resilience. That's whose work I'm basing my recommendations for you, today or my. My general just educational information m. That would help you to know what to do for your family. And what he says is, I Believe you can grow into this, and I will help you learn how. That is the message that K get, need to have. And Ginsburg describes that combination of guidance and boundaries and increasing independence as the parenting style I like the most. It's called lighthouse parenting. It's being a steady, dependable presence while still giving kids room to grow. We offer unconditional love, we offer clear boundaries, we offer high expectations. And then gradually let them practice making decisions and solving problems. We let them take their boat out on that cultural current just a little tiny bit away, at first, and then they go further and further. And when they struggle, we help them without automatically taking over. And when there's real danger, we step in. And the message that we're giving to kids through that is, hey, I know you can do this. I know you're capable, and I'm here when you need help and your safety matters. That's how we help kids develop independence while knowing they can still come to us. We are a safety there. We're, a backup there. And so in those early childhood years, years, just help them try. Help them try something. Encourage them to try again. That could even be something as simple as building blocks. When they get frustrated and the tower doesn't stay up, you just help them and help them learn that they are capable. When they're in those early school years, you teach them the process before you expect them to be able to do it independently. So if they need to learn how to do something, if they're. And, maybe they're not turning in their homework on time, they need to learn a process for how to be organized at home, how to have a reminder system, how to have their backpack packed the night before. Most of the time, those struggles come from you're expecting your kid to implement a process that they don't understand, and you're, expecting that end product without, without investing in the process and the preteen years, it means we listen before we take over. Sometimes we just want to do it ourselves. It's just easier. We want to tell them what to do, tell them what the answer is. We want to do the. Whatever it is. We need to listen without immediately solving, say, what do you think would be the answer in this situation? And then work from there with where they are. Teen years, let them lead, but give them a safety net. So have them email the teacher, have them manage their budget, have them schedule an appointment. Even if you're standing right there while they're on speaker. That's okay. Give them preparation, give them backup, let Them lead and be their safety net and review what happened without it. I told you so. I told you that was what was going to happen. And I give an example of this. If you have a kid who doesn't see study for an exam and comes home and makes a bad grade, helping them be resilient is not going to come from saying, well I told you, of course that's going to happen. Yeah, that, that's it. We can say, okay, well how did your strategy of preparation, how, how'd that work out for you? What do you think you need to do differently? That's going to help them teach and that's going to teach them and help them learn without shaming them. That's really important. And then in that young adulthood stage, we're going to move toward consultation and respect. We're going to ask perm before we offer them advice. And you know, we're talking through the options help. Would you like to hear about my experience? Would you like me to give you my insight as an outside observer here? That is really important. And those repeated experiences that they have, they're important because that is what we carry into our adult relationships. If you grew up as a kid who kept hearing figure it out yourself, you think you grew up to an adult, that's I don't need anyone, I'll do it all myself. You tell your spouse I'm fine when I'm overwhelmed. I shut down during an argument because no way am I ever, ever going to ask for help. If you grew up as a parent with your parent was always stepping in to fix things, then sometimes it's hard. You, you grow up and you'd feel that not lack of confidence because you think, I don't know if I can do this. Everyday decisions just feel intimidating and maybe you just need some constant reassuring assurance. If that is you do not shame yourself, give yourself grace when you recognize it and see it as an opportunity for growth. If you grew up where affection seemed to depend, depend on keeping a parent happy. Like if you learned, oh, if I can just do everything to please my parent, it keeps the house happy, then that's gonna be an adult people pleaser. And I certainly have experienced that myself and walked through that. And we want the healthy lesson in is, hey, I can do hard things, but I can also ask for help when I need it. And we see such a beautiful picture of this from Galatians 6. Starting in verse one, we're told, Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. Oh, there's your, there's your gentleness there. We talked about being tender hearted and that includes our kids. But it says, but watch yourselves, or you may also may be taken, tempted. That is very true for parents. Carry one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. And so we do. We, we call, our, our loved ones out when we need to, and we also carry their burden. So let's talk about these seven Cs of resilience and take it down to the practical level. How do we have practical ways to, to build resilience in our families? The first C is competitive confidence. I can handle this. I'm learning how to handle this. I may not be perfect at it, but I can bring forward useful skills for real situations. So that is really important for kids to know that I am competent. I can do it. And that may look different as they start in the younger age. Maybe that's packing a backpack with a picture checklist. Maybe that's a chore checklist. Maybe it's an older kid practicing going to the teacher to ask for help. Maybe it's a teenager practicing making an appointment, making an order in person, knocking on someone's door. Horror of all horrors. for Gen Z Use that gradual sequence. Demonstrate what it looks like, practice it together, then step back and affirm them as they're learning how to do it. Okay, show me where you're getting stuck. Let's practice that part. Just some of that language is really important. Let your kids know that they are capable of doing something. Call out their giftedness. I, had a recent interview with author Heather Holleman, who talked about that, calling out their competence, saying that we can see that they value certain things. what do they value? Oh, you, you value aesthetics. Oh, you value order. Oh, you value friendships and relationships and looking at that and saying, okay, you can bring those values as a strength to our family. And I want you to think about your kids. Because if you can't name the greatest strength that they bring to your family in 10 seconds or less, then probably they can't either. They need to know this is how I am gifted to help my family. I've told this story so many times, but my oldest, of course, is so good at hospitality. And when her sibling has a bad day, she's going to clean their room, make their bed, make it look like a hotel room. She's going to light a candle on the nightstand, leave a chocolate on the pillow. When encouraging note can you imagine what it would feel like if you have a bad day and you come in and you see somebody's done that for you. You what a gift maybe your child is gift is bringing art, bringing beauty into the world. Maybe it's humor, maybe it's wise counsel, maybe it's organization, maybe it's encouragement. Call out your kids gifts, and when you see a need for that, invite them to serve your family. The second C is confidence. Now, this means that a child has a belief that a setback does not define my identity. I am not my failures. I experience failure, failures, setbacks, trials, hardships, but that is not who I am. And it's a belief in their giftedness, as they're gifted by God, grounded in that developing competence that I can do it. We want to give them an accurate account of their progress, saying, celebrating that progress towards what they're able to do, not just a promise of, like, instant, effortless success that doesn't happen. So notice something specific when you see them growing. Give them some confidence. Hey, I know that first plan that you tried didn't work, but I'm really proud of you for asking for help. I'm proud of you for not losing your temper. That's good. That shows that you're growing. You practiced. Even though you were frustrated, you came back, you fixed what was broken, whether that was a relationship or a, Lego set, whatever it is. And so after disappointment, we can say, okay, what did you learn? What could you try? Try next, we can say this. What happened to you matters. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but it doesn't tell the whole story of who you are. It just doesn't. You are made in the image of God. A grade A score, a sports outcome, a social response. None of that can replace the way that you were created in the image of God.
Connection Character Contribution And Coping Strengthen Resilience
The third C is connection. Kids who have connection are going to develop more resilience. Kids who know they have people they can turn to help them nurture secure relationships within their family and community. Kids and their parents should be as close as they possibly can. But they should also be close to their siblings, to their teachers, to their coaches, to other supportive adults in their life, their aunts, their uncles, their extended relatives, their grandparents. They need to know that they are not alone in this world. And research shows that connectedness with having an adult who consistently tries to meet their basic needs, even though it is not perfect, it really lowers the risk of mental health conditions, which is beautiful. And that is, that's a thing that we can do as a protective factor. It's not an absolute bulletproof plan, but it is a way that we can add strength and protection. So who is that circle of support? When something wrong comes and they come and tell you, you, Sometimes we just react to, you did what you said, what, what happened, why did you do that? If you could just practice, just the first thing that you say is, hey, thank you for telling me. Thank you for coming to me first. Thank you for letting me know. Thank you for trusting me to share this with me. Thank you for doing the right thing and coming to me as soon as you can. We can address accountability after that, but reinforce that. First thing is, I'm so glad that you came to me. You can bring me something difficult. We're going to work through what needs to happen next. That is important. The fourth C is character. Kids need the confidence to know I can choose the right thing even when it costs me, even when it's scary, even when I feel like I'm alone. Those values that guide their conduct and their concern for others, that is much more important than any skill that they're going to acquire. That is so important. And so when we say we need to model that, like when we have our own character lapses, we can apologize and say, all right, I'm sorry, I was harsh, I yelled, I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me? And then we can model those conversations with our kids. What do you say when your friends start making fun of somebody? How would you admit if you did something wrong or if you made a mistake? What would help you tell the truth? Even when maybe you're afraid of my reaction, you're afraid of discipline, you're afraid of confidence, consequence. We can tell our kids you're responsible for that choice, the choices that you make, but you're also capable of making repairs. We can work to make repairs. That's important. Children needs, opportunities to discover what they can do, what they're capable of, who is going to stand beside them, and more importantly, what they are standing up for that. For that fifth C is contribution. I have something meaningful to offer to the world. God made me on purpose, for a purpose, and my actions can help other people having a meaningful role, whether they're serving in your community, they're helping prepare the family meal, they're welcoming someone new at school, they're helping with a community project. Kids who have that contribution to their community are generally going to be more reward, resilient. The last two are coping, finding healthy ways to deal with stress and control. My choices matter even when I can't control everything. Now, I know that's not something you can do overnight, but it's, a just quick framework to think about the seven Cs of resilience and ways that we can help our kids to overcome things that are hard. When we come back, I'll talk about the criticism of resilience and I'll give you some home front headlines. We'll see you right on the other side of this break.
During the Christmas season of 1976, I sat down one night to watch television.
One man saw the battle coming.
If we lose this cultural war, we're going to have a hedonistic, humanistic society.
And he chose to stand and fight. If you will not respect our beliefs then you will respect our money and we'll spend it with somebody else. Reverend Wildmon. Reverend Wildmon.
The Reverend Donald Wildmon. Discover the story of the culture warrior Don Wildmon and how he went head to head with Hollywood playboy, the homosexual agenda and the Disney empire.
Things were changing and many people just sort of acclimated to it. And Don Wildmon didn't They thought, I think, that they could just crush him.
The movement Don started paved the way for Christians to boldly stand for truth and righteousness in a hostile culture. Watch Culture Warrior today For free visit culturewarrior.movie
Christ Is Enough by Meredith Andrews Christ is my reward and all of my devotion. Now there's nothing in this world that can ever satisfy through every try my soul will see no turning back I've been set free Christ is enough m For me Christ is enough for me Everything I need is in you Everything I need
Dr. Jessica Peck welcome back, friends. That is Christ Is Enough by Meredith Andrews. And I would be remiss in saying that, as I say Meredith Andrews, I'm not thinking about some of her Christmas music. Yes, I'm already playing Christmas music. Am I sorry, No, I play it year round. I am. I am just one of those people. I hope that doesn't. Doesn't make you think you don't want to listen to what I have to say because I have lost my mind. But I really do love the holidays and I am praying for you and your family as we get closer to Christmas. I'll be sharing some family survival tips for the holidays and how we can be resilient even when things do not go our way, even when family dynamics are messy, even when our best laid plans just do not come to fruition, even when we are, grieving the loss of a loved one, we're facing financial stressors whatever it is, I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your family right now and I am praying I will continue to pray for you and I hope that you'll continue to tune in as we talk about how to be resilient in spite of all of that.
Protect Children From Preventable Harm While Building Resilience
That is today's healthy habit. And I would be remiss as I close this out not to say that there is some criticism to, towards the emphasis on child resilience, because there's a balance here. On the one hand, we want to raise kids who are resilient, who can face tough things and recover with the presence of supportive, loving adults, knowing that they're made in the image of God, having the hope of heaven. At the same time, we can't just throw more things at them, not protect them, make the world a more dangerous place to be, and then just expect them to be more resilient. And nowhere is this fight more efficient evident than in the technology realm. And the debate that continues to go on is the debate between adult privacy and access to the Internet and and child safety. Now I'm always going to land on the side of child safety. And so that is really important. So kids who face those harms that occur that frankly are preventable, we, yes, we need to help kids be resilient through those things when they've already experienced them, but we also to be engaged upstream of culture and make sure that we are engaged in helping to keep them as safe as we possibly can, that we're at the school board meetings, that we are engaged in our city government, that we are paying attention to what's going on in our state, in our nation, ah, as well as what's going on in their own lives and their own social circles, that's really, really important. So the, the practical family response for building resilience and around, especially around technology. Some of those things, make sure you have clear boundari around devices. Delay, delay, delay, delay access as long as you possibly can. Don't be afraid to be that parent that just says nope, we're not doing that here. But also understand that kids are curious and access is unprecedented. And there are companies who employ people whose sole job it is is to recruit people to be on their platform. And that's not a fair fight. So we've got to have some grace in that too. But get some clear boundaries. Go back and listen to the tech series. That's really important. Most importantly, make a discl disclosure safe. If they experience something frightening, if someone does something inappropriate, if they make a poor choice that make disclosure safe. You can always tell me anything and then practice a calm response. Thank you for sharing this with me. We're going to get through this together. I have some emotions. It might be tough, but I love you and I'm so glad you came to me. If you start with that, I'm telling you it. I can't even imagine the, the ways that that could change the outcome of that situation that I can't underestimate. I can't under emphasize the value of that. That's important. So this week I encourage you just to take one small habit of resilience. Maybe just a five minute check in. Just ask your kids, ask your spouse what was hard this week, what helped? What's one next step that you can do? What resources are you bringing in? What skills do you have? What help do you need and how do we pray about that situation together? Bring that difficulty honestly to God. Maybe somebody in your family is struggling right now. Maybe you are struggling right now. You don't have to turn this conversation, a five minute check in into seven more things that you're failing to do. Just start with one moment of connection. One skill that you're working on, one character trait you're asking the Lord to help build in you one appropriate responsibility you're learning to take. And we can teach our kids to persevere but also to ask for help. We can expect responsibility. We can also offer tenderness. We can trust God while accepting the care he makes available through other people.
Social Comparison Online Calls For Connection And Offline Alternatives
Resilience. Looks like I'm going to be brave enough to try again. It looks like I'm going to be brave enough to tell the truth. It means I am going to be humble enough to ask for help. This is too much to carry alone. Listen for. When our kids say things like that, I pray that they will find adults who are ready to listen and ready to act to help move them towards resilience. And we need this as we see home front headlines. These are headlines that, that I'm scanning and looking at that impact you. I'll tell you what happened, why it's important for your family and how we can develop a faith informed response. We're continuing to see a plethora of research come out on social media. One study I saw this week showed that social media comparison is linked to some mental health outcomes. So this was a study actually it's so interesting to see the global experience. This particular study was about 4,000 Norwegian teenagers about 14 years old and they each had, they had different online experiences. And what we saw that as of all of those experiences, social comparison had the strongest association with anxiety or depression. So when they're comparing each other themselves to something else online, someone else, someone else's family, someone else's accomplishments, that comparison is one of the m most detrimental things to mental health. And again, this was a study that happened in Norway. But it's amazing to see how global the experience of technology can be so similar. But it's important because we need to ask. We talked when screens first came out. All of the professional guidelines were about limiting screen time. Limiting screen time. Well, for me, having spent my whole career in health promotion, I knew that was not going to be a successful strategy. Because the most successful strategies don't come in limiting and making rules and strict limitations and restrictions. They come from offering a healthy alternative. Give them something better than screen time. And now we've seen most organizations m, for the most part, throw screen time out the window. Although we say the less screen time the better. And there are some specific guidelines for specific age groups, especially those babies and toddlers. That's really important. So I don't want to minimize that. But the more important thing is what happens during that screen time. Because two kids can both spend an hour online and both have very different experiences. One child may be maybe video conferencing with a, family member and have a great experience. Another kid might have expo exposure to explicit material. They might see cyberbullying, they might see violence happen. They can have completely different experiences. So maybe a good conversation starter for that is, hey, when you put your phone, phone down, after you've been scrolling for a little bit, do you, what, how do you feel? How do you feel? What makes you put your phone down? Have you just had enough? Your eyes starting to water because they're burned on the screen? Are you just discouraged? Are you ready to engage with somebody else? Do you feel less satisfied? Do you feel like, okay, I've had enough of that, I don't want to see it. And look especially for that social comparison, when you start to see, see that, really speak truth into that by asking questions. They say, oh, everybody else has more friends. Is that really true? Let's talk about who are your friends and if you feel like you need more friends, how can we help you be a better friend? Instead of just saying, don't say that, that's not true, or, you know, we, we just kind of blow it off because we don't want to deal with it. And maybe they'll say Our family never does anything exciting. Everybody else's family does other things that are exciting. Exciting. Then ask them, what would you like to do as our family? That's exciting. What would you ask me to do if you knew that? I wouldn't say no. Now, of course, there's going to be some realistic scheduling and financial barriers around that, but the thing is, we're talking about kids who are usually more excited about the cardboard box than anything else. So most of the time you don't need those kinds of resources. The financial resources, they want your time. That's really what they want. So how do we respond in a faith informed way? How you do. Do we be preventive? How do we provide a compelling alternative? Well, first, we're just going to keep on speaking to ground their identity in Christ. You are made in God's image. Talk about their character, talk about the quality of their relationships. Talk about the ways that they're gifted by God. That cannot be measured by followers or platform size or anything like that. We need to practice celebrating without competing. Repeating Romans calls us to rejoice with others. So can we be happy for them without deciding our own lack? Life is lacking. We can also review feeds together. That's. This is something that my family does a lot, and it's really, really instructive. So we'll just screen share on the TV and everybody shows, hey, here's my for you page. And it is hilarious to see how incredible, incredibly different our algorithms are. The things that we're being fed and we can see, like, what's interesting to somebody. That's a great way to have some discussion and just say, all right, how do these accounts help you? How do they encourage you? How do they edify your life? Well, we don't want to shame the struggle. when they're struggling with something online or they're struggling with an emotion, we can just say, yeah, I see that. I see that stinks. I see that hurts. I see. I see how you would feel a little jealous. What are ways that we can help celebrate what we have, what you have, and, and make room for those things that are offline. Really give a compelling offline experience. Help your kid develop a skill, contribute at home, enjoy friendship, serve someone, do something that's offline, that's important.
AI Chatbots Cannot Replace Human Care And Trusted Family Support
Another line of research that I'm following is, of course, all the research that's coming out about AI and we. I looked at, this. This survey actually came out of England. This was about 24,000 students in England. The survey happened in 2025. And in 2025, which we're almost in 2027, about 2.7% of those kids said I used AI for mental health support and they had used that. And among those who were answering the questions, about half of them said I found it happened helpful. But 63% said I really wish it was more, I, I wish there was more of a connection there. And that is really important because that was in 2025. What we see now, the research that's coming out now is that it's pretty much normalized to do that. I had a, show last week where we talked with Misty M. Phillip about some guidelines for, and some guard rails for AI. Make sure your kids are not sharing their mom most sensitive feelings and deepest thoughts and most vulnerable things with an AI chatbot that can be hacked, that can be subpoenaed, that can be discoverable, that need to be outsourced to a human, not to a robot. If they're using AI, make sure that the settings, you, you look at the settings on that AI and that what your child is putting in there is not being used to train the, the model that it can be regularly erased even though nothing is permanently erased on the Internet. That's really important. But what we see, the, what I interpret from these studies is that kids are carrying burdens and they're looking to find some one or something that is sympathetic and we need to make sure that we are there. So if your child has confided in a chat bot or if they haven't have that conversation with him, him, but approach it with curiosity, say, hey, I'm curious. I know things are happening really fast and they can see it could seem really normal before we even have a chance to talk about it. What do you see? And ask what they hope to receive? Like, do they expect their data to stay private? They expect to be reassured. They expect an explanation. Like what do they expect to feel heard? Because feeling like they're heard and receiving the appropriate care are two, two different things. And we need to make sure that we're never outsourcing our health care decisions and information to a chatbot that needs to stay with a, trained healthcare professional. And I've, oh, I've seen a lot of really scary stories about people who trusted an AI chatbot for medical advice and ended up in a really unfortunate situation. So make sure you are still communicating with your primary care provider, your specialist, your care team. That's important. But when you're talking with your family, lead a life lead with welcome. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me. What were you hoping it could help you with? And how, how did that turn? How did that turn out? We want to listen before we correct, before we advise, before we reach for the device and take it away because that's a lot of times why kids don't want to tell us things, because our knee jerk reaction and parenting is to take away that conviction, connection. Make sure they have a human support plan and always, always pray for them there. If your child is asking a chatbot for help, let that open a conversation about the support that they need. And in the aftermath of this Microsoft outage, which many of you might be grieving today, that it's back online and you're back at work, we know more than ever that kids need to know how to, how to function offline. Make sure that we are teaching them and helping to encourage them and giving them a, a a compelling alternative and that you're there with them physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. And as you do, I pray as I always do, that the Lord will bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you here Monday. We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion and has seen over 100,000 commitments to Christ. Will you join PreBorn in continuing this good work? supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR
Jeff Chamblee the views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
Dr. Jessica Peck We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound250 and say the keyword baby or visit preborn.com/AFR
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hello and welcome to the Doctor Nursemama Show Prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.
Dr. Jessica Peck Well, hey there friends and welcome to my favorite day of the week. It is Fry. Yay. And we're getting ever closer and closer and closer to the holidays. I don't know about you. I live way down in the south and it's starting to feel a little cool from time to time. I think we're past the the first fake fall that comes in. You think, oh, colder weather's here. No, do not be fool by that. It will go away, it will come back. It'll be hot and muggy and the hot and muggy weather will come back. And then we have real fall. And it feels like that I am getting ready for Thanksgiving. I hope you all are as well and you're gathering with friends or family or both or maybe a, ah, family friends that you've made into family. If you can't travel or whatever your situation is and we're looking forward to Christmas, you can't escape it. I know some of you are not putting up your trees till after Thanksgiving. I say bless your heart. No, I'm, I'm kidding not I am. But one thing that you need to do before Thanksgiving, really truly before the holidays is you need to buy your first Christmas present. If you haven't already make it For Operation Christmas Child we're going to be featuring this next week on the show. We're going to talk to a recipient of an Operation Christmas Child shoe box. If you're new to this, this is a shoe box that is filled with Christmas gifts sent to a child somewhere in this big wide world. You go online, you could go to a drop off center, you pay $10 for shipping and you get to see where your box goes most of the time. Sometimes you know that that doesn't happen. Sometimes with shipping things can be confidential or you may not know exactly where. But when I have registered my boxes online, I've been able to see where they have gone in the world. So you can go to samaritanspurse.org/occ that is samaritanspurse.org/occ find a local church who's participating. You can find a drop off center there. You can go to the Amazon storefront, see everything that's approved. You can find a list online. I encourage you to get your kids, get your grandkids, get your neighbor's kids, get kids you meet in the grocery store in a non creepy way of course, I'm saying just be safe out there but really truly invite kids to participate in the gift of giving. Kids today, they need that to know that they need to know how to give, that it is better to give than to receive. So we'll continue to talk about that and be promoting that. But I encourage you to really get engaged and, and to do at least one box because is a really precious experience. And once you hear some of those testimonies, I'm telling you it will move your heart for sure.
Resilience Matters Amid Heavy Pressures On Parents And Families
And that brings us back to where we are on Friday. We're Friday in November. If you've been following along all year we started off in January. We are doing a journey as we have done for three years now, where we are working on just everyday disciplines, those things that, those everyday graces that God has given us where it's in the mundane that our legacy and family becomes miraculous. We started with four core spiritual disciplines, six rhythms that your family needs, eight communication patterns. And then we talked all about tech in the summertime, we talked about safety and now we're in our B attitudes series. How do we be? We've talked about how to be hopeful, how to be a good friend, how to be Unafraid, how to be a family influencer, how to be content, how to be tender hearted and how to be intentional. So what in the world am I going to talk about today? Well, I'm going to talk about how do we be resilient, how do we raise resilient kids, how do we be resilient grownups? How do we raise resilient families? We want our kids to be ready for life. We want them to be tough, but not jaded. We want them to recover when a friendship falls apart. We want them to keep going even when the going gets tough. We want them to know that a disappointment appointment, something that happens with a broken relationship, that it doesn't speak over their identity or their future. But the truth is that preparing children for life today in America to thrive, it requires us to pay attention to the world they're growing up in now. We don't pay attention to it as much as we like to criticize it, critique it, talk about all the things we hate about it, talk about the ways that we wish the world was like it was. But we've got to face the reality of what kids are facing today and what we as families are facing today. No matter what age major stage you're in, and those pressures reach way beyond the walls of our homes. It is just all out into the community, into our world. We have a global society and families today are facing some tough stuff. The economy is tough. They've gotten. We're navigating financial strain. We're really concerned about safety, safety just in a global sense, but also safety in a community sense, safety in an individual sense. Because our kids are interacting online, we have this cultural current that just seems to grow increasingly turbul. We have ever changing technology that as soon as we learn how to use one thing, there's something else that's new and just the demands of everyday life. And parents themselves are carrying a very heavy load. Now something that caught my attention in 2024 was the surgeon General's advisory report. And that said that at that time, just a hair under half of all parents, about half said their stress was completely overwhelming on most days, to the point of almost being debilitating. That is really overwhelming now. When they looked at adults who did not have any children, that was only 26%. Only about half of those adults said that they felt that kind of stress. This is a picture of a family who needs support.
Children Need Supportive Adults To Face Today's Emotional Challenges
It's a picture of families who really, really care about their kids and who are walking with the burdens of stewarding their childhood. Well. And not only are the parents struggling, kids are struggling too. And that and the CDC's 2023 National Survey, which, that data usually takes a while to come out. So that's the most recent. Approximately 40%. That's just again, a little under half. 40% of high school students said, I feel persistent sadness or hopelessness pretty much every day feeling that way. And these were kids who had said, yep, I felt it for at least two weeks. That is distress. And that is really concerning. And the digital complicates all of this. Social media gives connection and creativity, but it also exposes kids to harmful experiences. That's concerning. We can't say that it is a safe place to be. It's an experimental ground that we're letting our kids run around in. And we, we really. Amidst, that, that backdrop, parents are getting a lot of conflicting advice. Like, we're hearing like, kids need to be tougher these days, but we're also hearing like, hey, kids are facing a lot to be gentler. Let them struggle. No, you, you need to protect them. Like, it's just, it is so hard. What do we do? Well, today we are going to explore a healthier approach. How do we raise kids who can face difficulty without teaching them to just hide and to not share with anybody any of their struggles that we have? We'll talk about how do we comfort them while helping them also be capable, and how do we make sure that just telling them to be resilient never becomes an excuse for adults to. To preventable harm. There's a lot of, criticism against the resilience movement, and I'll talk honestly about that. The good news is that our Christian faith gives us room for courage and fears at the same time. We can have happiness and tears at the same time. We can have striving and rest. We can have personal responsibility and shared burdens. And that is a beautiful thing. So let's talk about where does that, let balance begin? Where is what, where does resilience begin? Well, resilience is not something that your family is just going to magically acquire. It's not like you're going to go to some workshop or have one conversation, then all of a sudden, oh, boom, your family's resilient. Like, it doesn't work like that. Resilience grows through relationships primarily and through practice. That's really important. Those repeated interactions of supportive relationships with supportive adults help them skill build. It helps us skill build. And one of the things we know for sure about resilience is that the number one predictor of resilience, of kids being able to handle those tough things that come their way in a way that, you know is tough, but they will recover and they will thrive, is a meaningful relationship to a connected adult. And the awesome thing about that is you get to decide if that is going to be you in your kid's life. You get to take on that role and be that person for them. And that is the way that God designed it. That's really important. Our, kids can feel really scared of the, of the threats that are in today's world. They can feel disappointed in the ways that their friends let them down or whatever might happen. They can feel overwhelmed, and they can still be learning resilience. Here's the beautiful thing about this, because when you experience stress, especially for kids, kids when their brain is still learning and it's not fully formed there, when they experience stress, their brain is learning how to process it. And their brain releases a bath of stress chemicals and it activates their fight or flight response. And they're figuring out what to do and when. They don't have any protective mechanisms that that chemical stream in their brain is. And, I'm speaking in generalities here, but in a way that hopefully it's easy to understand, it just kind of stays and it starts to reshape the connections, the size, the shape of their brain, but here in a. And not a great way. But here's the beautiful thing. When you come up to your kid, when you look at them in the eyes, in that moment when you put your arm around them, when you snuggle them in tight, when you speak encouraging words of life and identity to them, it shuts off that stress response and it gives their brain a little pause to start for the building blocks of resilience. It tells them, hey, I have hard things, but I'm not alone and I'm going to be okay. That is really important work. Now, you don't get an instant report card for that. You don't get an instant indicator. You don't get a, a feedback, a like a notification. You know how we, we're so trained to want that instant feedback. You don't get that. They may just stop crying and just say, okay, maybe a thank you. But really, you need to know that that is important work. We want to fix their situation sometimes, or we want to intervene in their life. We want to protect them. We still will. We'll do all of those things as we need to. But don't underestimate the importance of your comfort. We can teach our kids to face hard things while making sure they know where to turn to for help and support. That is to us as their parents, to other supportive adults in their life. If you're an aunt, you're an uncle, you're a grandparent, your coach, you're a teacher, all, point out all of those safe people, and that is going to help them.
Balance Validation, Age Appropriate Challenges, And Protection
So when we talk about, you know, our kids too soft or too tough today, like, what is it? Let, Let' talk a little bit about what that looks like. Because really, the too tall, too tough or too soft, that should talk about our responses, not labeling kids and their identity. And so when we dismiss distress, when we see our kids that are distressed and we say, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. Right? That's the parenting line that's been passed down to us. Or it's nothing. You don't need to be upset. Like, stop it. A healthier response would be, hey, I can see that you're upset right now. Tell me what happened. Give them a minute to recoup, and then you're going to move them towards positive coping mechanism instead of removing every obstacle, you know, you're going to say, like, okay, you're upset. I'll just do it. I'll do it myself. That makes kids feel like, oh, I'm not capable. I can't do it. Instead, we can say, hey, all right, let's work out what you can do. I'll help you a little, but you need to do this on your own. Let's figure out how to set you up for success. And, you know, if we just tell our kids, toughen up, like, we can say, okay, here's where your perspective needs to shift here. But here's where I need to step in and give you a little support and protection. That's really important. So we can listen to our kids without promising that everything's going to go perfectly. We can just, you know, set them up for success in that way. Our expectations have to fit their age, their developmental stage, their personality. If they have certain disabilities, sometimes that may limit what they're able to do. If they have certain circumstances. Know, accommodations can be helpful in those situations. But it's important just to look and see what they need and help. A healthy question to ask, is that, is this a challenge to practice? Is this a burden to share, or this is a harm to stop? When our kids experiencing something tough, we can think, okay, is this a challenge where they have an opportunity to practice here. Can we lean into this? Is the practice environment safe? If they fail, is it going to be high stakes? Is it the end of the world or can they practice that? Can they practice making their own lunch? And if they don't bring their lunch, well, not having lunch for one day is not going to be the end of the world. That's a coach's job to make sure the practice environment safe. So let them practice it. Or is this just a burden to share? Is this just something, Hey, I can't do anything about it, but I sure can give you some encouragement and some hope. I can sit here with you. I can honor, the tears that you're crying about it. I can handle your frustration. I can carry your burdens and in so doing fulfill the law of Christ. Or maybe, maybe it's a harm to stop. Maybe when your child is facing something, you need to call that other parent and talk about that behavior. You need to intervene with the school or that teacher or that coach or whatever it is that is going to help you distinguish. What are we going to do? When we come back, I'm going to talk some more about the seven Cs of resilience. Resilience and how we can raise resilient families. I'll be right back on the other side of this break. Hello, I'm Jessica peck, host of Dr. Nursemama. Did you know that this content is listener supported? Without people like you, this podcast would not exist. And that's why we need you. A generous monthly gift of any amount will help sustain American Family Radio and specifically this podcast. Please consider becoming a monthly financial partner today by visiting afr.net/give that's afr.net/give
Keep Me in the Moment by Jeremy Camp I've been thinking about time and where does it go? How can I stop my life from passing me by? I don't know I've been thinking about family now it's going so fast Will I wake up one morning Just wishing that I could go back? I've, been thinking about lately maybe I can make a change and let it change me so with all of my heart this is my pray singing oh, keep me in the moment Help me live with my eyes wide open I don't wanna miss what you have for me singing oh, show me what matters Throw away what I'm chasing after? Cause I don't wanna miss what you have for me Keep me in the moment oh, keep me in the moment Keep me in the moment I don't wanna miss what you have for me
Dr. Jessica Peck welcome back, friends that is keep me in the moment by Jeremy Camp. And that's a great reminder for us. That is actually my word of the season. I know a lot of people do a word of the year, but my word of the season is present. I'm trying really hard to be present for my family, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I really don't want to miss a moment of the blessings that God has in store for me. And today, it's such a blessing to be able to talk with you about this week's healthy habit. We're talking about being resilient. Resilient. How do we raise resilient families? And right before the break, I said, when our kids or ourselves, for example, when we face something tough, we can think, okay, is this a challenge that I need to practice? Is this a burden that I need to share? Or is this a harm I need to stop? So sometimes even as adults, maybe it's something where God is teaching us patience. He's teaching us endurance. And when we ask God to teach us those things, he doesn't teach us by waving a magic wand and saying, oh, okay, you got it now. You asked for it. You got it now. He gives us opportunities to practice that and to refine our character. And we can. We can challenge. We. We can have a challenge that we practice, a burden that we share with somebody else. Sometimes we just carry that all ourselves or a harm to stop. And sometimes you need some help with that, and you need to talk about, that. So some things that would be practice would be like losing a game if you're in a slump in sports or you're learning how to do a chore and it's not going so well, or just learning how to get along with siblings. Those are challenges to practice practice. Things that are burdens to share would be loss of a family member or a friend going through a serious illness, a major family disruption like a move or a divorce. Having some sustained support and appropriate professional help as needed would be important. And of course, things to stop immediately are, abuse, exploitations, threats, ongoing harassment. Adults need to intervene in those things. And we know that the help, the balance there is that for kids is a gradual handoff of that responsibility with dependable love throughout. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg is a pediatrician who's done a lot of research on resilience. That's whose work I'm basing my recommendations for you, today or my. My general just educational information m. That would help you to know what to do for your family. And what he says is, I Believe you can grow into this, and I will help you learn how. That is the message that K get, need to have. And Ginsburg describes that combination of guidance and boundaries and increasing independence as the parenting style I like the most. It's called lighthouse parenting. It's being a steady, dependable presence while still giving kids room to grow. We offer unconditional love, we offer clear boundaries, we offer high expectations. And then gradually let them practice making decisions and solving problems. We let them take their boat out on that cultural current just a little tiny bit away, at first, and then they go further and further. And when they struggle, we help them without automatically taking over. And when there's real danger, we step in. And the message that we're giving to kids through that is, hey, I know you can do this. I know you're capable, and I'm here when you need help and your safety matters. That's how we help kids develop independence while knowing they can still come to us. We are a safety there. We're, a backup there. And so in those early childhood years, years, just help them try. Help them try something. Encourage them to try again. That could even be something as simple as building blocks. When they get frustrated and the tower doesn't stay up, you just help them and help them learn that they are capable. When they're in those early school years, you teach them the process before you expect them to be able to do it independently. So if they need to learn how to do something, if they're. And, maybe they're not turning in their homework on time, they need to learn a process for how to be organized at home, how to have a reminder system, how to have their backpack packed the night before. Most of the time, those struggles come from you're expecting your kid to implement a process that they don't understand, and you're, expecting that end product without, without investing in the process and the preteen years, it means we listen before we take over. Sometimes we just want to do it ourselves. It's just easier. We want to tell them what to do, tell them what the answer is. We want to do the. Whatever it is. We need to listen without immediately solving, say, what do you think would be the answer in this situation? And then work from there with where they are. Teen years, let them lead, but give them a safety net. So have them email the teacher, have them manage their budget, have them schedule an appointment. Even if you're standing right there while they're on speaker. That's okay. Give them preparation, give them backup, let Them lead and be their safety net and review what happened without it. I told you so. I told you that was what was going to happen. And I give an example of this. If you have a kid who doesn't see study for an exam and comes home and makes a bad grade, helping them be resilient is not going to come from saying, well I told you, of course that's going to happen. Yeah, that, that's it. We can say, okay, well how did your strategy of preparation, how, how'd that work out for you? What do you think you need to do differently? That's going to help them teach and that's going to teach them and help them learn without shaming them. That's really important. And then in that young adulthood stage, we're going to move toward consultation and respect. We're going to ask perm before we offer them advice. And you know, we're talking through the options help. Would you like to hear about my experience? Would you like me to give you my insight as an outside observer here? That is really important. And those repeated experiences that they have, they're important because that is what we carry into our adult relationships. If you grew up as a kid who kept hearing figure it out yourself, you think you grew up to an adult, that's I don't need anyone, I'll do it all myself. You tell your spouse I'm fine when I'm overwhelmed. I shut down during an argument because no way am I ever, ever going to ask for help. If you grew up as a parent with your parent was always stepping in to fix things, then sometimes it's hard. You, you grow up and you'd feel that not lack of confidence because you think, I don't know if I can do this. Everyday decisions just feel intimidating and maybe you just need some constant reassuring assurance. If that is you do not shame yourself, give yourself grace when you recognize it and see it as an opportunity for growth. If you grew up where affection seemed to depend, depend on keeping a parent happy. Like if you learned, oh, if I can just do everything to please my parent, it keeps the house happy, then that's gonna be an adult people pleaser. And I certainly have experienced that myself and walked through that. And we want the healthy lesson in is, hey, I can do hard things, but I can also ask for help when I need it. And we see such a beautiful picture of this from Galatians 6. Starting in verse one, we're told, Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. Oh, there's your, there's your gentleness there. We talked about being tender hearted and that includes our kids. But it says, but watch yourselves, or you may also may be taken, tempted. That is very true for parents. Carry one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. And so we do. We, we call, our, our loved ones out when we need to, and we also carry their burden. So let's talk about these seven Cs of resilience and take it down to the practical level. How do we have practical ways to, to build resilience in our families? The first C is competitive confidence. I can handle this. I'm learning how to handle this. I may not be perfect at it, but I can bring forward useful skills for real situations. So that is really important for kids to know that I am competent. I can do it. And that may look different as they start in the younger age. Maybe that's packing a backpack with a picture checklist. Maybe that's a chore checklist. Maybe it's an older kid practicing going to the teacher to ask for help. Maybe it's a teenager practicing making an appointment, making an order in person, knocking on someone's door. Horror of all horrors. for Gen Z Use that gradual sequence. Demonstrate what it looks like, practice it together, then step back and affirm them as they're learning how to do it. Okay, show me where you're getting stuck. Let's practice that part. Just some of that language is really important. Let your kids know that they are capable of doing something. Call out their giftedness. I, had a recent interview with author Heather Holleman, who talked about that, calling out their competence, saying that we can see that they value certain things. what do they value? Oh, you, you value aesthetics. Oh, you value order. Oh, you value friendships and relationships and looking at that and saying, okay, you can bring those values as a strength to our family. And I want you to think about your kids. Because if you can't name the greatest strength that they bring to your family in 10 seconds or less, then probably they can't either. They need to know this is how I am gifted to help my family. I've told this story so many times, but my oldest, of course, is so good at hospitality. And when her sibling has a bad day, she's going to clean their room, make their bed, make it look like a hotel room. She's going to light a candle on the nightstand, leave a chocolate on the pillow. When encouraging note can you imagine what it would feel like if you have a bad day and you come in and you see somebody's done that for you. You what a gift maybe your child is gift is bringing art, bringing beauty into the world. Maybe it's humor, maybe it's wise counsel, maybe it's organization, maybe it's encouragement. Call out your kids gifts, and when you see a need for that, invite them to serve your family. The second C is confidence. Now, this means that a child has a belief that a setback does not define my identity. I am not my failures. I experience failure, failures, setbacks, trials, hardships, but that is not who I am. And it's a belief in their giftedness, as they're gifted by God, grounded in that developing competence that I can do it. We want to give them an accurate account of their progress, saying, celebrating that progress towards what they're able to do, not just a promise of, like, instant, effortless success that doesn't happen. So notice something specific when you see them growing. Give them some confidence. Hey, I know that first plan that you tried didn't work, but I'm really proud of you for asking for help. I'm proud of you for not losing your temper. That's good. That shows that you're growing. You practiced. Even though you were frustrated, you came back, you fixed what was broken, whether that was a relationship or a, Lego set, whatever it is. And so after disappointment, we can say, okay, what did you learn? What could you try? Try next, we can say this. What happened to you matters. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but it doesn't tell the whole story of who you are. It just doesn't. You are made in the image of God. A grade A score, a sports outcome, a social response. None of that can replace the way that you were created in the image of God.
Connection Character Contribution And Coping Strengthen Resilience
The third C is connection. Kids who have connection are going to develop more resilience. Kids who know they have people they can turn to help them nurture secure relationships within their family and community. Kids and their parents should be as close as they possibly can. But they should also be close to their siblings, to their teachers, to their coaches, to other supportive adults in their life, their aunts, their uncles, their extended relatives, their grandparents. They need to know that they are not alone in this world. And research shows that connectedness with having an adult who consistently tries to meet their basic needs, even though it is not perfect, it really lowers the risk of mental health conditions, which is beautiful. And that is, that's a thing that we can do as a protective factor. It's not an absolute bulletproof plan, but it is a way that we can add strength and protection. So who is that circle of support? When something wrong comes and they come and tell you, you, Sometimes we just react to, you did what you said, what, what happened, why did you do that? If you could just practice, just the first thing that you say is, hey, thank you for telling me. Thank you for coming to me first. Thank you for letting me know. Thank you for trusting me to share this with me. Thank you for doing the right thing and coming to me as soon as you can. We can address accountability after that, but reinforce that. First thing is, I'm so glad that you came to me. You can bring me something difficult. We're going to work through what needs to happen next. That is important. The fourth C is character. Kids need the confidence to know I can choose the right thing even when it costs me, even when it's scary, even when I feel like I'm alone. Those values that guide their conduct and their concern for others, that is much more important than any skill that they're going to acquire. That is so important. And so when we say we need to model that, like when we have our own character lapses, we can apologize and say, all right, I'm sorry, I was harsh, I yelled, I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me? And then we can model those conversations with our kids. What do you say when your friends start making fun of somebody? How would you admit if you did something wrong or if you made a mistake? What would help you tell the truth? Even when maybe you're afraid of my reaction, you're afraid of discipline, you're afraid of confidence, consequence. We can tell our kids you're responsible for that choice, the choices that you make, but you're also capable of making repairs. We can work to make repairs. That's important. Children needs, opportunities to discover what they can do, what they're capable of, who is going to stand beside them, and more importantly, what they are standing up for that. For that fifth C is contribution. I have something meaningful to offer to the world. God made me on purpose, for a purpose, and my actions can help other people having a meaningful role, whether they're serving in your community, they're helping prepare the family meal, they're welcoming someone new at school, they're helping with a community project. Kids who have that contribution to their community are generally going to be more reward, resilient. The last two are coping, finding healthy ways to deal with stress and control. My choices matter even when I can't control everything. Now, I know that's not something you can do overnight, but it's, a just quick framework to think about the seven Cs of resilience and ways that we can help our kids to overcome things that are hard. When we come back, I'll talk about the criticism of resilience and I'll give you some home front headlines. We'll see you right on the other side of this break.
During the Christmas season of 1976, I sat down one night to watch television.
One man saw the battle coming.
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Christ Is Enough by Meredith Andrews Christ is my reward and all of my devotion. Now there's nothing in this world that can ever satisfy through every try my soul will see no turning back I've been set free Christ is enough m For me Christ is enough for me Everything I need is in you Everything I need
Dr. Jessica Peck welcome back, friends. That is Christ Is Enough by Meredith Andrews. And I would be remiss in saying that, as I say Meredith Andrews, I'm not thinking about some of her Christmas music. Yes, I'm already playing Christmas music. Am I sorry, No, I play it year round. I am. I am just one of those people. I hope that doesn't. Doesn't make you think you don't want to listen to what I have to say because I have lost my mind. But I really do love the holidays and I am praying for you and your family as we get closer to Christmas. I'll be sharing some family survival tips for the holidays and how we can be resilient even when things do not go our way, even when family dynamics are messy, even when our best laid plans just do not come to fruition, even when we are, grieving the loss of a loved one, we're facing financial stressors whatever it is, I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your family right now and I am praying I will continue to pray for you and I hope that you'll continue to tune in as we talk about how to be resilient in spite of all of that.
Protect Children From Preventable Harm While Building Resilience
That is today's healthy habit. And I would be remiss as I close this out not to say that there is some criticism to, towards the emphasis on child resilience, because there's a balance here. On the one hand, we want to raise kids who are resilient, who can face tough things and recover with the presence of supportive, loving adults, knowing that they're made in the image of God, having the hope of heaven. At the same time, we can't just throw more things at them, not protect them, make the world a more dangerous place to be, and then just expect them to be more resilient. And nowhere is this fight more efficient evident than in the technology realm. And the debate that continues to go on is the debate between adult privacy and access to the Internet and and child safety. Now I'm always going to land on the side of child safety. And so that is really important. So kids who face those harms that occur that frankly are preventable, we, yes, we need to help kids be resilient through those things when they've already experienced them, but we also to be engaged upstream of culture and make sure that we are engaged in helping to keep them as safe as we possibly can, that we're at the school board meetings, that we are engaged in our city government, that we are paying attention to what's going on in our state, in our nation, ah, as well as what's going on in their own lives and their own social circles, that's really, really important. So the, the practical family response for building resilience and around, especially around technology. Some of those things, make sure you have clear boundari around devices. Delay, delay, delay, delay access as long as you possibly can. Don't be afraid to be that parent that just says nope, we're not doing that here. But also understand that kids are curious and access is unprecedented. And there are companies who employ people whose sole job it is is to recruit people to be on their platform. And that's not a fair fight. So we've got to have some grace in that too. But get some clear boundaries. Go back and listen to the tech series. That's really important. Most importantly, make a discl disclosure safe. If they experience something frightening, if someone does something inappropriate, if they make a poor choice that make disclosure safe. You can always tell me anything and then practice a calm response. Thank you for sharing this with me. We're going to get through this together. I have some emotions. It might be tough, but I love you and I'm so glad you came to me. If you start with that, I'm telling you it. I can't even imagine the, the ways that that could change the outcome of that situation that I can't underestimate. I can't under emphasize the value of that. That's important. So this week I encourage you just to take one small habit of resilience. Maybe just a five minute check in. Just ask your kids, ask your spouse what was hard this week, what helped? What's one next step that you can do? What resources are you bringing in? What skills do you have? What help do you need and how do we pray about that situation together? Bring that difficulty honestly to God. Maybe somebody in your family is struggling right now. Maybe you are struggling right now. You don't have to turn this conversation, a five minute check in into seven more things that you're failing to do. Just start with one moment of connection. One skill that you're working on, one character trait you're asking the Lord to help build in you one appropriate responsibility you're learning to take. And we can teach our kids to persevere but also to ask for help. We can expect responsibility. We can also offer tenderness. We can trust God while accepting the care he makes available through other people.
Social Comparison Online Calls For Connection And Offline Alternatives
Resilience. Looks like I'm going to be brave enough to try again. It looks like I'm going to be brave enough to tell the truth. It means I am going to be humble enough to ask for help. This is too much to carry alone. Listen for. When our kids say things like that, I pray that they will find adults who are ready to listen and ready to act to help move them towards resilience. And we need this as we see home front headlines. These are headlines that, that I'm scanning and looking at that impact you. I'll tell you what happened, why it's important for your family and how we can develop a faith informed response. We're continuing to see a plethora of research come out on social media. One study I saw this week showed that social media comparison is linked to some mental health outcomes. So this was a study actually it's so interesting to see the global experience. This particular study was about 4,000 Norwegian teenagers about 14 years old and they each had, they had different online experiences. And what we saw that as of all of those experiences, social comparison had the strongest association with anxiety or depression. So when they're comparing each other themselves to something else online, someone else, someone else's family, someone else's accomplishments, that comparison is one of the m most detrimental things to mental health. And again, this was a study that happened in Norway. But it's amazing to see how global the experience of technology can be so similar. But it's important because we need to ask. We talked when screens first came out. All of the professional guidelines were about limiting screen time. Limiting screen time. Well, for me, having spent my whole career in health promotion, I knew that was not going to be a successful strategy. Because the most successful strategies don't come in limiting and making rules and strict limitations and restrictions. They come from offering a healthy alternative. Give them something better than screen time. And now we've seen most organizations m, for the most part, throw screen time out the window. Although we say the less screen time the better. And there are some specific guidelines for specific age groups, especially those babies and toddlers. That's really important. So I don't want to minimize that. But the more important thing is what happens during that screen time. Because two kids can both spend an hour online and both have very different experiences. One child may be maybe video conferencing with a, family member and have a great experience. Another kid might have expo exposure to explicit material. They might see cyberbullying, they might see violence happen. They can have completely different experiences. So maybe a good conversation starter for that is, hey, when you put your phone, phone down, after you've been scrolling for a little bit, do you, what, how do you feel? How do you feel? What makes you put your phone down? Have you just had enough? Your eyes starting to water because they're burned on the screen? Are you just discouraged? Are you ready to engage with somebody else? Do you feel less satisfied? Do you feel like, okay, I've had enough of that, I don't want to see it. And look especially for that social comparison, when you start to see, see that, really speak truth into that by asking questions. They say, oh, everybody else has more friends. Is that really true? Let's talk about who are your friends and if you feel like you need more friends, how can we help you be a better friend? Instead of just saying, don't say that, that's not true, or, you know, we, we just kind of blow it off because we don't want to deal with it. And maybe they'll say Our family never does anything exciting. Everybody else's family does other things that are exciting. Exciting. Then ask them, what would you like to do as our family? That's exciting. What would you ask me to do if you knew that? I wouldn't say no. Now, of course, there's going to be some realistic scheduling and financial barriers around that, but the thing is, we're talking about kids who are usually more excited about the cardboard box than anything else. So most of the time you don't need those kinds of resources. The financial resources, they want your time. That's really what they want. So how do we respond in a faith informed way? How you do. Do we be preventive? How do we provide a compelling alternative? Well, first, we're just going to keep on speaking to ground their identity in Christ. You are made in God's image. Talk about their character, talk about the quality of their relationships. Talk about the ways that they're gifted by God. That cannot be measured by followers or platform size or anything like that. We need to practice celebrating without competing. Repeating Romans calls us to rejoice with others. So can we be happy for them without deciding our own lack? Life is lacking. We can also review feeds together. That's. This is something that my family does a lot, and it's really, really instructive. So we'll just screen share on the TV and everybody shows, hey, here's my for you page. And it is hilarious to see how incredible, incredibly different our algorithms are. The things that we're being fed and we can see, like, what's interesting to somebody. That's a great way to have some discussion and just say, all right, how do these accounts help you? How do they encourage you? How do they edify your life? Well, we don't want to shame the struggle. when they're struggling with something online or they're struggling with an emotion, we can just say, yeah, I see that. I see that stinks. I see that hurts. I see. I see how you would feel a little jealous. What are ways that we can help celebrate what we have, what you have, and, and make room for those things that are offline. Really give a compelling offline experience. Help your kid develop a skill, contribute at home, enjoy friendship, serve someone, do something that's offline, that's important.
AI Chatbots Cannot Replace Human Care And Trusted Family Support
Another line of research that I'm following is, of course, all the research that's coming out about AI and we. I looked at, this. This survey actually came out of England. This was about 24,000 students in England. The survey happened in 2025. And in 2025, which we're almost in 2027, about 2.7% of those kids said I used AI for mental health support and they had used that. And among those who were answering the questions, about half of them said I found it happened helpful. But 63% said I really wish it was more, I, I wish there was more of a connection there. And that is really important because that was in 2025. What we see now, the research that's coming out now is that it's pretty much normalized to do that. I had a, show last week where we talked with Misty M. Phillip about some guidelines for, and some guard rails for AI. Make sure your kids are not sharing their mom most sensitive feelings and deepest thoughts and most vulnerable things with an AI chatbot that can be hacked, that can be subpoenaed, that can be discoverable, that need to be outsourced to a human, not to a robot. If they're using AI, make sure that the settings, you, you look at the settings on that AI and that what your child is putting in there is not being used to train the, the model that it can be regularly erased even though nothing is permanently erased on the Internet. That's really important. But what we see, the, what I interpret from these studies is that kids are carrying burdens and they're looking to find some one or something that is sympathetic and we need to make sure that we are there. So if your child has confided in a chat bot or if they haven't have that conversation with him, him, but approach it with curiosity, say, hey, I'm curious. I know things are happening really fast and they can see it could seem really normal before we even have a chance to talk about it. What do you see? And ask what they hope to receive? Like, do they expect their data to stay private? They expect to be reassured. They expect an explanation. Like what do they expect to feel heard? Because feeling like they're heard and receiving the appropriate care are two, two different things. And we need to make sure that we're never outsourcing our health care decisions and information to a chatbot that needs to stay with a, trained healthcare professional. And I've, oh, I've seen a lot of really scary stories about people who trusted an AI chatbot for medical advice and ended up in a really unfortunate situation. So make sure you are still communicating with your primary care provider, your specialist, your care team. That's important. But when you're talking with your family, lead a life lead with welcome. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me. What were you hoping it could help you with? And how, how did that turn? How did that turn out? We want to listen before we correct, before we advise, before we reach for the device and take it away because that's a lot of times why kids don't want to tell us things, because our knee jerk reaction and parenting is to take away that conviction, connection. Make sure they have a human support plan and always, always pray for them there. If your child is asking a chatbot for help, let that open a conversation about the support that they need. And in the aftermath of this Microsoft outage, which many of you might be grieving today, that it's back online and you're back at work, we know more than ever that kids need to know how to, how to function offline. Make sure that we are teaching them and helping to encourage them and giving them a, a a compelling alternative and that you're there with them physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. And as you do, I pray as I always do, that the Lord will bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you here Monday. We'd like to thank our sponsors, including PreBorn. PreBorn has rescued over 400,000 babies from abortion and has seen over 100,000 commitments to Christ. Will you join PreBorn in continuing this good work? supporting young moms in crisis? Save a life today. Go to preborn.com/AFR
Jeff Chamblee the views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.
It's Ask Dr. Nurse Mama Friday! Jessica talks about resilience and this week's Homefront Headlines.
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