Transcript

American Family Radio thanks sponsor Preborn for supporting pro life advocacy

Dr. Jessica Peck: We would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, PreBorn. When a mother meets her baby on ultrasound and hears their heartbeat, it's a divine connection. And the majority of the time she will choose life. But they can't do it without our help. Preborn needs us, the pro life community, to come alongside them. One ultrasound is just $28. To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword BABY or visit preborn.com/AFR hello

 : and welcome to the Dr. Nurse Mama show, prescribing hope for healthy families here on American Family Radio.

Dr. Jessica Peck: We need to have some healthy boundaries when it comes to media

Here's your host, professor, pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of four, Dr. Jessica Peck.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Well, hey there, friends, and welcome, welcome, welcome. I am so excited to share with you. Today's show is going to be a special bonus edition of a segment I do on Fridays called Homefront Headlines. Now I am watching the news. I am scanning the news. I have a lot of interest about what's going on in the world and how it's impacting families. I'm interested in that as an academic professor, as someone who studies impact of the world on children, their developing worldview, how it intersects with their development, how we can keep kids safe and healthy. And we know holistically. For me as a nurse practitioner, I care about kids and everybody, body, mind and soul, soul. And all of those three things are so interconnected. And when we're living in a world that is addicted to the doom scroll, that is constant bad news. When we scroll through, we open our notifications, you turn on the tv or maybe you're even one of those people who still opens the paper in the morning. No judgment. I love opening a paper. There's something about the way that it crinkles that's oddly comforting. But wherever you're getting your news from, most of the news in the world is bad. Now, this is by design. If those news media outlets can generate a spirit of anxiety, a spirit of fear, then it's going to keep you addicted to that doom scroll because you're going to ask what happens next. I need to be in the know so I can be. I, I can be informed. And they say don't go away because you have to know what's going to happen next. And then somehow we can have this illusion of control over our lives. But the truth is we need to have some healthy boundaries when it comes to media. We need to not be addicted to the doom scroll. Once we get the news, we need to know those trusted places that we go. Where do we go to get informed and to be Faith informed, not fear driven. We don't want to be driven by fear. So if you find yourself reading through your social media scroll, or reading through the Internet on news sources, or listening just kind of, you know, impulsively and just can't turn it off because you got to know what's going to happen. Really, I think that's a good thing. Reminder for us to take a step back and to think, okay, what trusted sources do you get your news from? How much do you need to know to be informed? And really, when we're listening to the news, there's three things that we need to ask. Okay, what happened? What do we need to know about what happened? And why is this important for my family? Why do I need to know about this? Some things we just don't need to know about. But there's some things that are important. Why do we need to know this for our family? And how should we respond to that? So on Fridays, starting this year, on Fridays, we talk about our healthy habit. We've been following along with that since January. Every Friday, I introduce a habit for healthy families that are just good building blocks. They're stackable habits for any family at any stage. We walk through several weeks of spiritual disciplines of family rhythms of communication, and we will be progressing through different themed habits throughout the year. But then after I introduce the habit, I talk about Homefront Headlines. We also call it Ask Doctor, Nurse, Mama Friday, because I answer questions about the headlines that are there. And there have been a lot of headlines I've been paying attention to lately. So I'm coming to you today with a bonus edition of Homefront Headlines, and I'm going to walk through some of these news stories and filter them for you and tell you what happened, why it's important for your family to know and how you should respond. Now, before I get into it, I do want to tell you some of these things in the news are disturbing, but I'm going to tell them to you in a gentle way, a way that I refer to as trauma informed. Like knowing that I don't have to unnecessarily traumatize you to tell you about something that may be traumatizing, but you may want to adjust your listening ears and know that some of these stories, some of this news is not for little ears, and we need to be cognizant of that. So many times I think we think, oh, kids aren't listening. They're not paying attention. But they are paying attention. I know it doesn't seem that way because sometimes it seems like you can't get their face out of a screen to converse with you, but their minds are really like a police scanner in the background and they are paying attention to what worries you. If you're a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a parent. Kids care about what makes you afraid. Kids care about what makes you worried. And they do pay attention. So we need to be really mindful of that and make sure that we're not marinating in all of that fear, but instead we're getting informed and we will have faith, informed action.

So of course I'm talking a lot about this year, about what AI is doing

So of course I'm talking a lot about this year, about what AI is doing. AI is not just coming. It is not on the horizon, horizon. It is already here, full force in a way that we just don't even know. We just woke up one day and it was already here. All of these people, all of these tech companies have been working on this behind the scenes for years now. And there really was no preparation of the public. There was no like, hey, AI is coming. Like, we should get ready for this. It's just basically, oh, now kids use chat GPT instead of Google. Like, it's just already here. It's already here in the for you page. And you really can't opt out of it if you use an Internet search engine, if you use any streaming services. It's constantly trying to learn you. And I've been talking about some of the news stories that talk about how sycophantic AI is. And I'm going to share with you some more of those stories. And so today we'll talk a lot about technology and AI. Now I watch not only news stories, but I watch research that's coming out, scientific research. And often there are news stories about that scientific research.

April is Abuse Prevention Month and we need to talk about child abuse

And the first thing that I want to talk about is abusive children. Now, April is Abuse Prevention Month and we need to talk about child abuse. And that unfortunately, is becoming much easier to do in a world of technology and AI. So this particular research that I study that I looked at looked at real world frontline experience from social workers and researchers, gathered data from those and participants were child advocacy professionals. This was counselors and social workers and people who work at a children's advocacy center, which is a resource center that helps children who were abused. And they looked at those who had five or more years of experience and those who work directly with survivors of child sexual abuse. And the goal of this was to understand how those people who are working at the front lines at the intersection of pornography and child sexual abuse what was happening? What, what is the relationship? What are they seeing there? And the study really talked about the intersection of csam. Now that is a, phrase that I'm going to use that means child sex abuse materials. These are materials, you might hear it referred to as child pornography. But we really don't want to use that, that phrase because we don't want to sexualize children. It is abuse and we are going to call it as such. And so I'll refer to it as csam. But there is an increasing intersection between pornography and csam and these are described as zones of violence. Now it's always interesting to me to look at what is emerging in research, because research, you're very, very careful about the, that you use because it needs to be standardized language so that it can be searchable and so that researchers can find each other and standardize what they're studying. But this phrase, zones of violence really stood out to me. Now they, they talked about these different kinds of environments that are potential zones of violence. The first one is digital environments. This is where kids can encounter violence. Now that can be physical, but often it starts as emotional, it starts as psycholog, it starts as sexual violence on places like the Internet, social media and digital platforms. It also talked about potentially institutional systems because this is where kids can can enter, interact with people who are, are looking to do them harm. And there's also community and family context. And so these, because most of the time when kids are abused, they're abused by someone they know. And these zones can overlap and reinforce each other and create pathways that make children more V. Now there were some specific risk factors that were identified in this study. And the first one was family and relational factors. That's strained parent child relationships when parents feel like they're not getting along with their kids. When kids feel like the parents don't understand them, there's a disconnect there. It makes them more vulnerable to grooming and to be abused in a situation. When you combine that with lack of supervision, yeah, we're disconnected from relationally, but you're even more connected digitally. An online environment that is going to increase that risk factor. Another risk factor is the digital environmental factors. What these, these frontline workers saw was low digital literacy. Now what does that mean? It means that parents and children have no idea what's coming for them. They are blindsided by something that happens online because they have, have a perception that maybe this is safe or they're not sure what to look for. And when they have early Exposure to explicit content. That can happen when you're just not aware that it can happen on a platform that you perceive as safe. And there were some other factors, but really the bottom line is that these risk factors, they stack and they interact to increase vulnerability.

Now let's talk about how pornography is contributing to abuse. And what do we do about it as parents

Now let's talk about how pornography is contributing to abuse. And so there are some things that are happening, especially with AI generated explicit material, which has said, like, oh, this isn't real, people, so it's okay to watch. I mean, there's all kinds of ethical blurry lines. It's not okay to watch, by the way, but we see social modeling. Children and teens imitate behaviors that they see. And so when kids are seeing pornography or just explicit material, that's coming in the media, that that doesn't even necessarily have to be on a pornographic platform. This can be. Mainstream movies use this as a framework for, oh, this is how you're supposed to behave. And it becomes normalized throughout their realization, their relationships, and they start to normalize this harm, that violence, coercion, this is all presented as normal. This is how kids interact with each other. This is how normal love relationships are supposed to be. There's no boundaries, there's no consent. There's no healthy design for, for God that God has given us for relationships or marriage. And we need to know that, that perpetrators use pornography as a grooming tool. They use it to desensitize people, to kind of normalize what they're seeing so that they're open to experiencing it in real life and to lower resistance and to, really, it's a very complex interaction of power and exploitation dynamics. We see this through. I've been talking about sextortion, using blackmail for explicit images or text messages that are there. All of this is there. So we see some of the things that professionals reported observing in real life. They overwhelmed, they overwhelming, reported overwhelmingly reported that pornography is pervasive in young people's lives and it is increasingly shaping their expectations for physical relationships, the way that they interact with their peer and the way that they're vulnerable to abuse. And they're seeing these big shifts in how abuse occurs. There is more online facilitated abuse. Younger and younger children are being involved. And we are seeing an increase, which I talked about with a sane, a sexual assault nurse examiner who was on the show, not too long ago, Nurse Olson, talking about peer to peer, child to child harmful behaviors, because they're seeing this acted out. And that is really concerning. So there's a lot of things that we need to do about it. And the, the, the bottom line from taking away from this is that these frontline child advocacy professionals are consistently seeing pornography as a part of a broader ecosystem that is making kids more vulnerable, vulnerable to abuse. And this is not an isolated issue. It operates within a network of digital, relational and cultural risks that are increasing and making it increasingly easier for kids to be abused. And so those are things that we need to be aware of. So more than ever, what do we do about it? How do we respond to this as families, parents? I cannot tell you enough. Get engaged in your kids online life. Use every platform they're on. Be present in their digital life. Do not allow them to use any game, any social media app, any website, any smartphone, any streaming service. Do not allow them to use anything that you are not actively using yourself. You need to see with your own eyes what risk is there, what exposure is there that can happen even in seemingly harmless platforms like games. Things like we've reported on Roblox and the, and the report of abuse that happens within there. It can happen within messaging apps, within social media. Make sure that you are there and present and that you are not living in these digital silos where each of you has your own reality about what you are experiencing and what you're seeing. The second thing is to effectively, The first thing is to be present in those online spaces. The second thing is to always have an open door for conversations. Recognize that at some point in this world, your children will have an exposure that you wish they didn't. They will see something that they wish they didn't. But saying something like, hey, you live in a world that's saturated by screens. When you see something that makes you feel like you've done something wrong or you're not sure what it means, or you're not sure how to interpret. No matter what it is, you can always talk to me about anything. Ask your kids about their online exposures. What are you seeing? Tell me about that. Those are so important. Listen, when we come back, I'm going to talk about some other technological threats that we should know about. What is going on, why it's important for your family, and how you should respond. I'll be right back with some more Homefront headlines.

 : Candace talks about finding out she was pregnant. Thankfully, an ultrasound provided by preborn allowed her to hear her baby's heartbeat. The sonogram sealed the deal for me. My baby was like this tiny little spectrum of hope. And I saw his heart beating on the screen and knowing that there's life growing inside, I mean, that Sonogram changed my life. I went from just Candace to Mom. Thank you to everybody that has given these gifts. You guys are giving more than money. You guys are giving love.

 : Preborn currently has clinics that do not have ultrasound machines. Would you consider a leadership gift and sponsor a machine today? These life Saving machines cost $15,000 more than most centers can afford. Your donation will save countless lives for years to come. Dial 250 and say the keyword baby or go to preborn.com/AFR

Nobody But Jesus by Maverick City Music and Song House: before I ever knew his name I was there to walk in my way stuck in all my sin and shame I was destined for the grave. If you've been searching and if you've been hurting then call out his name Nobody but Jesus. I've tried other names, nothing was the same. The only one I claim is Jesus Saved by his grace. He died in my place. There's no other name. but Jesus.

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is Nobody But Jesus by Maverick City Church. And I hope that puts a skip in your step and a smile on your face because what a great truth to stream in a world where we have access to more streaming content content than ever before. Now listen, my kids, they tell me mom, you were born in literally the previous century. But I did come from the century where we grew grew up reading the back of the cereal box to keep us entertained at breakfast. Or maybe you read the shampoo bottle while you were taking a shower. There was no streaming anything and now we can stream anything. I encourage you to really carefully curate what you're streaming, what you're letting into your heart and your home. There are a lot of great places to get news and we need to informed but I hope that you balance that with encouragement with music like we just heard that encourages our hearts and souls.

Homefront Headlines is a segment I do every Friday about the news

And today I'm coming to you with a special bonus edition of Homefront Headlines. This is a segment I do every Friday where I talk about the news headlines, what's happening in the doom scroll, what happened and why. It's important for families to know about how why it's impacting your family and how you should respond to it. And so many of these things we feel like we have an avalanche of headlines that come and for our families in it really instills this undercurrent of fear. We constantly feel afraid is this going to come after my family? Is this threat going to take us down? Is this going to impact us? And then we run to our families and we say oh my goodness, did you hear about this? And we know there's all kinds of reels that make jokes about this, about older generations sending younger generations articles about something scary and saying, be safe. And it comes from a heart of protection. It comes from a heart that we want our loved ones, ones to be safe in this world. And so let's be savvy consumers of the news. In the first segment, I talked about the rise in pornography and the intersection of abuse. And one of the things I talked about was peer to peer or child to child abuse. I know that is really a hard thing to see, but this is something that is happening. Recently I had Heidi Olson on the show and she was part of American Family Association's documentary series, Impact Series. Her episode is a episode five. So if you want to know more about that, check out the episode that we had here on the Dr. Nurse Mama show or the episode five of that impact series.

How artificial intelligence is impacting the family is changing month by month

When we look at how technology is impacting the family, artificial intelligence is everything right now. It is everything. It is going faster than the speed of light. And even I see things dramatically changing month by month. When I look at the technology that I have available to me as a professor, as a clinician, this month that I did, you didn't have last month, it is absolutely mind boggling to think about how fast this is going. But here's a way that AI is influencing us. Here's a headline that caught my eye this week. Now, this was a major retailer, a department store that introduced an AI chatbot to help users shop. So before you would have, you know, that little virtual assistant down in the corner, Is there anything I can help you with? Well, now it's really infused with AI. And what they found was after they launched this AI chatbot, they found that consumers who used it spent about $400 more, $400 more than shoppers who didn't use that. Now the chatbot does this by personalizing the recommendations, creating, and it mimics this really helpful assistant like you need this. It is no longer passive. It is actively shaping consumer behavior. This is a way how AI is used to the way that we think, shape the way that we shop, shape the way that trends are made. And this matters because we are entering as families, we are entering an era of hyper personalized persuasion. So before, as families, we would, as parents, we would really want to make sure that our kids were prepared for the persuasive messages that would come to them, that would try to lure them away, that would try to get them to make choices that were unhealthy. And now that Is, on steroid. This is so hyper personalized. It's really hard to resist because AI doesn't just respond, it nudges, it suggests, it influences, it really shapes your, your, your decisions. And especially children and teens are vulnerable to this through impulse buying, through identity that's shaped by their consumption and what they need and what they don't have. And it creates a home environment where spending just feels effortless, where we feel like the three words that we need for therapy are add to car. That is not good therapy. I'm just telling you right there. That usually is going to cause some conflict when those packages show up on the, on the porch. But we need to teach our kids how AI marketing works and create intentional family values around money and contentment. And one of the easiest, most practical ways that you can do this is to have a 24 hour pause rule. If you add something to cart, if you have feel like you have an impulse buy, you just want to, you know, click on an ad that comes to you in social media and just, oh, buy this, this, just leave it in the cart for 24 hours. 24 hours, really? truly, by the time you go back to it, you think, do I really need that, you know, lemon zester? Like I've never zested a lemon in my whole life, but all of a sudden I feel like I need one because that's going to help me, you know, look like I'm a better cook. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter what it is. Put that 24 hour rule on and review purchases together. I mean, and ask yourself, is this a need, a want, or is this a suggestion from a system? Is this a system telling me something that I need that is really important? Now, another article I saw was talked about. It was a study reporting on a study that shows how people follow AI, advice. So we have AI that's influencing you. Oh, stream this, stay on this platform, buy this, come here, you know, visit this place. And what this study found was that what we already know really intuitively is that people are increasingly likely to trust and follow AI recommendations even when they know they shouldn't, even when they know I don't have the money, I don't have the time, I probably shouldn't do that. That doesn't look like that's good for me. AI is perceived as authoritative even when it's wrong. And so it showed people the power of persuasion, the power of influence, the power of group think that even when they knew intuitively the AI was wrong, it would do it that people would do it anyway. And it's showing a growing dependence on AI for decision making. Now we have analysis paralysis, we have decision making fatigue. We have kids who really have so many decisions that it's overwhelming. And this matters because we have kids who are outsourcing their depend, their decision making. Where should I go to college? What should I eat for dinner? what order should I do, my task that I have to do in. We're letting AI make all of those decisions. And that authority is shifting from parents, from mentors, from husbands, from fathers, from wherever that, the spiritual authority to the algorithm. And we're starting as a people to trust AI over our own judgment. This means we're losing critical thinking skills. And it's a critical, powerfully subtle shift. And who shapes our beliefs, what we believe, why we believe it, and the decision making. So we have got to teach our kids, kids how to make decisions without AI to make decisions based on a moral compass, based on a biblical foundation. So one of the ways that you can do that is to actively engage your kids in decision making. Have them make decisions on their own. Give them two choices that are mutually acceptable to you. Would you like to eat at this restaurant or this restaurant tonight? Would you like to have this, this dish or this dish for dinner? Would you like to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt today? You know, depending on if you've got toddlers or teenagers, whatever it is, have them practice making decisions and talk out loud about what decisions you outsource to AI and why you would outsource it, how it could be a helpful tool, but what decisions do you need to retain authority over? So teach kids to question AI, not blindly trust it. Practice that critical thinking. How do we know this is true? Keep parents as that primary voice of guidance. Because I've been telling you and sounding the alarm that AI chatbots are coming in as that primary influence. And most of the time, it starts with homework help. That's what people go to it for. What? You know, help me with this homework problem, help me decide what to have for dinner. Just these random things. But AI is very. Oh, by the way, how are you doing today? Oh. Oh, you did that. Oh, you're doing such a great job. Oh, wow, you're making dinner for your family. You're amazing. And all of a sudden this addictive little voice, because I'm telling you, we don't have people in our homes usually, and who are saying, I mean, I don't know about you, but my kids aren't in the Corner saying, wow, mom, you really scheduled yourself really well today. You did everything that you were supposed to do. You balanced it really well, and you still got dinner on the table. Good job. But that is what AI is doing. It's a powerful voice in our lives. And so we need to use AI together as a family, not in isolation. So if we're deciding where to eat, let's, put that in AI together and talk through it and talk about how we make decisions, reinforce that AI is a tool. It is not a source of truth. And we see AI that is luring people in. And one of the things, things I've been talking about and will continue to talk about is especially the rise of teen boys and online gambling. We see increased visibility of teen boys engaging in online gambling. It's becoming a very normal part of their culture, especially during sports events like March Madness or just anything, honestly. And gambling platforms are really targeting young people because of the rise and influence in sports culture. As we've had the name, image, and licensing changes in college athletics, it changes the possibility of what could be.

When we have this glorification of sports culture, we see addictive behaviors early

I mean, you could really make a lot of money in college. That trickles down to families in little league and peewee football and all of those things. And so we have this normalization and this glorification of sports culture, which, believe me, I have to tell you right now that I think sports are wonderful, or my husband is going to have words with me when I get home because he thinks there's no parenting problem that can't be seen solved with a good sports analogy. And he may or may not be right. But sports are great when they are used in a healthy way. They can help kids stay active. They teach them teamwork. They can have character development. It gets them outside. They touch grass. I love these things. But when we have this glorification of sports culture and this normalization, we see development of addictive behaviors early. And this is shaping a generation of boys around their thoughts about risk and identity. And honestly, obsession and culture ties that self worth to outcomes and performance. So what can we do about it? Hey, families talk openly about sports, talk openly about self worth, about identity, about an athletic identity and what that means. Because even before online sports gambling, you know, if that. See if you have an injury of your knee or. Or whatever injury, you know, might put a pause or even an end to sports, then I see so many kids who struggle with their identity because they don't think of themselves as, I'm a boy who plays basketball. They think, I am a basketball player. I'M not a girl who plays soccer, I am a soccer player and there's gotta be some balance there. Really closely monitor sports related apps and content and sometimes this can be happen through non monetary exchanges that then progress into monetary exchanges changes.

Studies show teen boys are struggling with addiction to online sports betting apps

But really talk about it because I saw this on mainstream news this week talking about the studies that are showing teen boys really becoming struggling, struggling with their addiction to sports betting apps. And when we think about sports betting, you probably like me if you're in my generation Gen X, you think about a sports movie that has like a bookie that you know these, these people who you don't encounter usually in normal life who are going to place bets with the bookie. Well now this is just happening in normal high schools and you have teen boys who are thousands of dollars in debt potentially and not knowing what to do because there's just so much easy access through smartphones, aggressive marketing. They're not just casually betting. They are really starting to manifest earlier and earlier compulsive gambling behaviors. So again this is not, it's not just about sports. This is also about dopamine driven addiction. There's fast rewards, there's constant engagement, there's emotional highs and lows and teen brains are especially vulnerable to that risk and reward cycle. It's how God designed them. We want kids to take risks because we want them to go out and live on their own and be able to provide for themselves and to have their own families and to be able to be responsible adults. That's a good thing to have risk and reward. But when we put in this tremendous potential financial loss loss, it also can affect mental health and decision making patterns. So I'm encouraging families, especially if you have teen boys, it can be anybody, but especially teen boys have direct conversations about online sports betting. And sports betting is kind of the term that I'm hearing use. They don't call it gambling because gambling again is what you know, people go to Vegas to do. But talk about online sports betting. Ask the boys in your small group and your Sunday school class and your in your home home. What are you seeing? How are you seeing boys use or any of your peers, anybody use online sports betting apps and, and what do you see about that? And talk about the difference between entertainment and exploitation. Like we need to have some clear digital boundaries and accountability systems. It's so important to have these conversations and to really have some healthy boundaries around technology. We'll be talking about this a lot this summer which is so important to do to engage in what your kids are seeing online and have conversations about that. Build rhythms of tech free zones and tech free times and talk about kids. Encourage your kids to talk about the pressures that they are facing instead of internalizing them and then starting to have an unhealthy coping mechanism. Because if I feel pressure to achieve, if I feel pressure to fit in, if I feel anxious about the social environment that I'm going into every day, then I'm going to have to find a way to cope. You will find a way to cope. Now the healthy coping mechanisms are by taking those concerns to God, by praying, by reading your Bible, by engaging in your church community, by having healthy conversation with your families where they name and claim your emotions and help you give affirmation. And here's what we can do when we feel angry. But in the affirmative absence of that, we're seeing online dopamine driven coping mechanisms that are addictive. So we've got to model emotional health. Kids are going to learn by watching us and that is important for us to do. And most of all, this is about identity in Christ and helping them build their lives on the foundations of scripture and what is true. And we know that the only thing that is absolutely true is the word of God. And I'll have more words for you on Homefront Headlines when we come back.

 : Here's Dr. Al Mohler from the American Family Studios documentary. The God who speaks.

Dr. Al Mohler: Jesus in the Gospel of John continually points to the scriptures and as he says famously, these are they that testify of me. If you knew Abraham from the scriptures, you would know me. Jesus himself refused to allow that division between his own authority and the authority of scripture. He never set scripture aside. What he did was to make very clear that he perfectly fulfilled scripture. And of course, he went beyond even the Old Testament law in the Sermon on the Mount, saying, you've heard it said, you shall not commit adultery I will tell you that if you've lusted in your heart, you have already committed adultery. So, Jesus Christ himself drives us back to the authority of scripture and evidently that's exactly where he wants his church to be.

 : Visit thegodwhospeaks.org.

All About Love by Steven Curtis Chapman: We got CD sets and videos, radio and TV shows, conferences, retreats and seminars. We've got books and magazines, to read on everything from A to Z and a web to surf from anywhere we are. But I hope with all this information buzzing through our brains and we will not let our hearts forget the most important thing. It's love, love, love, love, love. It's all about love, love, love love. Everything else comes down to this

Dr. Jessica Peck: Welcome back friends. That is All About Love by Steven Curtis Chapman. And I get a little giggle listening to songs like that because he talked about CDs and my kids don't know what CDs are. They may know them as, oh yeah, those little silver circle things that you used to put in a machine. And meanwhile, I still have a pretty robust CD catalog. I was really blessed to interview Steven Curtis Chapman and Mary Beth Chapman not too long ago about their marriage and just how they are still here and we are still here looking at all of the ways that technology changes and sometimes that can make us feel overwhelmed as families because we just feel like, like we have no idea. We don't recognize the world that we're living in. But the truth is that the heart issues behind all of these things do not change. And Solomon said there's nothing new under the sun and we may have new technological delivery, but these issues of character are all the same. This should be encouraging to you because it means that the answers are actually much more simple than we think. The answers are all about healthy relationships. Healthy relationships with families that model healthy relationships with God. That's why on Fridays I walk through habits for healthy families and talk about research backed, science supported ways that are going to help your family be healthier holistically, body, mind and spirit. We have talked about spiritual disciplines. We've talked about weekly rhythms in your or daily rhythms in your house. We have talked about communication tools and we'll be spending all summer talking about technology. So I invite you to listen in. If you've missed out and you want to catch up quick. You can listen to the Doctor, Nurse Mama Coaching Minute minutes and you can find those on any podcast platform including afrs or afr.net and after I give the habit, I talk about Homefront Headlines. Now these are news stories that matter to your family and I talk about what happened, how it's impacting your family and why it's impacting your family and how you should respond to it.

The COVID 19 pandemic increased screen time in kids, according to study

And today I'm coming to you with a bonus edition of Homefront Headlines and talking about some of the headlines that I've been following and keeping again, having a faith informed look, not letting this contribute to the undercurrent of fear that we feel about what's happening in the world, but so that we can be informed and know what to do about it. Now this news article that I saw really honestly made me laugh a little bit because sometimes news articles come across and researchers publish findings that we think, okay, yeah, that's news. That's not news. But here's the headline. The COVID 19 pandemic increased screen time in kids. Are we all shocked? Can we all pretend to be shocked here? But really, the truth is it's really important to go back and get some objective data on the record. Like, we know intuitively that it happened, but how much and why and how and what can we do about it? But this particular study said that we know that when we locked down the physical world, we drove kids to a digital one. We absolutely did. And this. They were not prepared for that. They experimented on their own. Parents were preoccupied with, how am I going to work from home? How am I going to lose my job? Like, worrying about all of those things that happen in the world is one of the most destructive forces, I think, for a generation of children to be forced onto the digital platforms without any preparation for it, they had increased exposures, increased. Increased exploitation, increased, anxiety, depression, like, all kinds of things. And one of the things, though, that's really important is that this shift was not temporary. It has remained. It has remained. Elevated habits that were formed during COVID lockdowns have persisted, and families are spending more time than ever on devices. And this can be divisive for family because that screen time, it affects everything about your body, affects the way that you sleep, it affects your attention span. It affects the way that you're training yourself to cope with your emotions and to regulate in a. In a healthy way. And kids, especially, are being shaped by screens during these key developmental years. We see kids that are now engaging in what's called digital soothing, where, oh, you have any uncomfortable emotion and you've seen it, you know that parents are in a restaurant, they're on an airplane, they're anywhere out in public, and their kid starts to have a meltdown. And it is like a panic rush to get the screen out, show, play the show, you know, just help them calm down. And as soon as that show comes down, they're like, okay, everybody can breathe again. Where. And you know, there's a time and place for that. I certainly had those moments where I would park my kids in front of a show because I needed to get something done or clean something or cook something or work something. Sometimes that has its time and place, but we've just replaced that as the norm. And having this. We're living these parallel digital lives. That's really what I've seen coming out of this increased screen time and Covid is the fragmentation of family Life because we have everyone living in their own reality. And the reels that one person sees, the other person doesn't see at all. Nobody watches shows together anymore. We don't have any collective knowledge of Andy Griffith being the sheriff of Mayberry because everybody watches these shows that nobody else has ever heard of. So really, what, what can, how can families respond to this? Re establish screen boundaries. Don't live in digital silos. Try as much as you can to stream the same things, to watch the same things, to engage in the same things. And really more than that, you know, there's this push to really be the screen police. Get rid of the phones, delay social media. Yes, I think all of those things are great. Please do all the things. Please delay social media, delay phones as much as you can. Please have tech free zones, please have tech free zone boundaries. But this is not about being the phone police or the screen police. This is about creating something meaningful alternatively. So even if you're married at night and you're just sitting and that's all you do is just watch a screen, play a game, take a walk, have a conversation, eat dinner at the table, maybe even put some candles on there, I don't know, just, just let your imagination run wild. We've got to provide meaningful relation, relational alternatives. That is so important because now we see this seeking of relationships shifting online as well. Another headline I saw is really talking about a major dating app shifting strategy and they're trying to introduce in person events and real time interactions because it comes after declining engagement with, with this swiping model like you get on and you, you swipe, you swipe, you swipe until you swipe the other way to say, oh, I want to meet with this person. And people are really getting tired of purely digital relationships, which is a great thing. and that, but that matters for families because what it shows us is that even digital natives, even kids who have grown up with digital interactions as norm, they are craving real connection. And that online interaction alone is not enough to satisfy emotional needs. And that is really exposing a deeper truth that we've known since the beginning of time that God created humans for in person relationship. However, a lot of kids lack the skills for that in person interaction because they over rely on apps. Having a conversation in person is maybe anxiety inducing. And so there's this like, I want to go, but I'm also afraid to go. And so maybe I should go, but maybe I won't go and it's really hard. So what families can do about this is Prioritize real world social experiences. Really try to get your kids out there and interacting with other human beings, whether that's a church social, a community event, a school event, just walking in your neighborhood and talking to your neighbors who are walking by, really prioritize teaching your kids how to act in real world, real world experiences. We need to teach those in person communication skills skills very early and limit reliance on digital only interaction. So if you have a conversation by text, make sure it's not only by text. Move that to in person. Encourage kids to be a part of your community, your school, your church, whatever it is, even sports, that's a great thing. Help your kids be confident in that face to face connection. And when we're talking about online dating, you know, that used to be something thing mainly for people in their mid-20s, I think, and now we just see all ages and stages and even teenagers increasingly normalizing online dating.

Before addressing apps or texting, what do healthy relationships look like?

Now, before addressing apps or texting or any of that, the foundational knowledge that teens need and that all of us need frankly, is what do healthy relationships look like? Before you start with rules, we've got to start with relationships. And when, when digital environments blur the boundaries of what's a healthy relationship and what's not, we need to be talking about what makes a healthy relationship. How do you know how a relationship is healthy? Where there's emotional safety, where there's psychological safety, where there's no manipulation, no guilt, no control. Like you're, you're teaching them that somebody will respect me, they won't pressure me or coerce me into something I don't want to do, that they, they're consistent, that they're, the way they act online is the way they act in person and that they're going to respect your boundaries like at your values, where you have a no or where you have a yes. Like they're going to respect those boundaries of what's important to you. And that is important. And so often online, when we're talking about kids engaging online, we use this phrase. We're like, okay, yeah, be careful, like be smart. Or we say something like that without just actually talking about what does it look like to be careful and smart when we are engaging online. Another thing, before we're even talking about, see, again, when we talk about online dating apps, I feel like parents rush to, okay, tell me, which app is it and what should I restrict and what should I not allow and what should I look for? But it's really so much more about those foundational things about okay, what do healthy relationships look like? We'll get there to the app in a second. But you also need to build trust so your kids will actually tell you stuff. Now this, what I, we call this disclosure. You want to build an environment in your home that encourages early disclosure that they're telling you in real time what is happening in their life. They're not sitting on something for weeks or for months because they don't know how to broach the subject. They don't know how to bring it up. They're trying to handle it on their own. They're not sure what you'd think about it. So you know, they're just going to try to handle it on their own. And if your teen fears punishment, they will hide their online life, including their online dating life. This is a normal way that kids are wired. It's really, especially in those school year ages and the early teen years, they're wired for justice. They have a very strong sense of justice. It's why school age kids often say those three words, words to parents all the time. That's not fair. You said we could do this, you said we could do that. That's not fair. She got this, he got that, he got to do that. Everything is about fairness and justice. And so they know that if they do something unjust, they will get justice. And so it's their natural instinct to hide it. And guess what? That's exactly what Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, right? They knew God knew where they were and yet, you know, they go to hide from him, like they can hide from him. It's the same thing. See again, some of these things are just tale as old as time. Really create a culture of curiosity over control. Because if you try to use information as a control mechanism, like, oh, now I know you're using this. Okay, here's a rule back instead of, hey, how is this impacting you? How is this really impacting your life? How is it changing your behavior? How is it it changing the landscape of your relationships? And let's walk through together what that looks like and what that means and how you can make some healthy boundaries. You also have to listen without immediate judgment. So often we hear the first three words of what they're trying to tell us and we're like, oh, I know this one. It's like when you're watching Jeopardy. Maybe have you ever watched the quiz show and they start with the, the show and you just want to, you know, oh, I know that one. I want to give the answer Answer. Well, kids, that's not. They're not gonna receive the answer in a way. In that way, we have to listen to everything. Let them speak. It helps build a relational bridge. And as they continue to talk, imagine them building that bridge, plank by plank, coming closer to meet you in the middle. And so when we listen and we say, okay, I can see this is making you feel anxious, this is making you feel afraid, this is making you feel uneasy, it's making you feel unsure of yourself. That is really helpful. And keeping calm, even when you're alarmed, have a neutral face and say, okay, well, this alarms me and I want to talk about it, but try saying instead. I'm really glad that you trusted me enough to tell me this. Help me understand how you feel about this. Help me understand what you feel like, how you feel like. I can help you. That posture just keeps the door open when things get complicated. And that digital reality that kids are in. Online teen dating. Dating. It's not just texting. We're talking about dms, gaming, chats, disappearing messages, these identities that are fake. And those online relationships can feel emotionally intense a lot faster because of constant access and lack of real world context. So talk openly about the risks, Talk openly about catfishing and what can happen when someone represents themselves to be who they aren't. There are a lot of great, great examples, out there of celebrities even who have told their stories about that. And making sure that we know that is talk to them about pressure and coercion. If somebody says, if you really loved me or if you really were my friend, you would. That is not a message of friendship, but set those wise, collaborative boundaries together. Some simple things. I'll be going over those on healthy habits about simple things. About. About. No private messaging with strangers or you can only have your device charged overnight in a shared space. There's lots of things that you can do for that. And listen, technology is not neutral. It is actively shaping our families. But we can be active back. And as you are protecting your families, I pray the Lord will bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. I'll see you right here next time.

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Jeff Chamblee: opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family association or American Family Radio.