More than 65 million Americans are serving as a family caregiver

>> Peter Rosenberger: Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver, here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. More than 65 million Americans are serving right now as a family caregiver. 65 million. That's quite a large number. How do you help those folks? What does that look like? Why should we help them? All of those things and more are pondered here on this program. And I'm bringing you 40 years of experience as a caregiver to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. Why? Why is that important? Well, because healthy caregivers make better caregivers. And if you go down, how does that benefit your loved one, the person you're taking care of? it doesn't matter what they're dealing with. They could be dealing with, you know, autism, they could be dealing with Alzheimer's. They could be dealing with addiction. They could be dealing with trauma. Whatever they're dealing with. Does their life improve if you're not in a good place? Physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially? If you're a hot mess? Does their life improve? That's the question. And if the answer is no, their life does not improve, if I'm a hot mess, then let's work on changing that hot mess issue. Let's deal with that.

Hope for the caregiver is what this program is about

Let's get into it, and let's talk about how we can live a little bit calmer, a little bit healthier, and dare I say it a little bit more joyfully, even while serving as a caregiver. And that's what this program is about. Hope for the caregiver. It is the conviction that we can do all of those things. How do I know that? Because I field tested it. I field tested it since Ronald Reagan was president. So hear me out on this, and we'll. We'll dig into all these things.

Montana Bond is undergoing radiation treatments for cancer

Speaking of health, speaking of taking care of ourselves, I am in the middle of radiation treatments right now, for cancer, and I'm going to be okay. The doctor sat down with me last week after one of my treatments and said, you're doing m great. They, you know, I feel like. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield. You know, I get no respect. I get. I went into McDonald's. They told me I didn't deserve a break. You know, so I go into the radiation center, the cancer center for radiation. They put me in the Chernobyl room. You know, I mean, it's. It's a little bit surreal. And, you know, the equipment is. Is pretty intense. I mean, this is, for example, they put these markers in me to identify exactly where the cancer is. All right? And then 10 days after that, they go back and they do an MRI and a CT to get that kind of picture of it. And then they composite those images into computer system. And then when I go in for radiation that is lined up with the machine, they put me in these forms. It's kind of, I don't know what to describe it. It's kind of almost inflatable, but it forms into a hard form around your leg, so you stay completely still. They get you locked in on the table, make sure everything lines up. And then before they even do the radiation, the technicians are dealing with all that. And then they call in the doctor, radiation oncology guy. And he comes in. This. This my doctor, he comes in and he looks over this thing. And then they have a physicist that comes in and looks at it to make sure everything is right. And then they blast me, you know, and I felt a little bit like double, oh, seven on the table there in Goldfinger. Do you ever see that when he's got the laser coming up there between his legs and he looked at Goldfinger, he says, do you expect me to talk? Goldfinger says, no, Mr. Bond, I expect you die. You know, that's kind of what it feels like a little bit, but, you know, that's all right. It's, We have a good time with it. And you got to keep a sense of humor. I mean, you really do got to keep a sense of humor in this stuff. Well, you don't have to. Let me just rephrase that. You don't have to, but it really helps. And I've noticed that m. Most of the people there have a pretty good sense of humor. They recognize they're dealing with dire stuff, but, you know, what are you going to do? That's their job every day to go up and deal with this kind of thing. And. And sometimes people get a little bit more of a dark sense of humor, a gallows sense of humor. And I. That. How many of us are like that as caregivers, that we've kept a sense of humor? We can laugh at things that other people may not quite think. Is, you know, is this okay to laugh at kind of thing? You know, And. And I think that's. I think that's not only okay. I think it's imperative. Scripture says there's a time to laugh. And how do you deal with this thing? I mean, yeah, we got. We're going to cry. I mean, we cry all the time, but are we going to laugh? Are we going to rejoice? Are we going to. You know, By the way, I was sitting at the piano the other day, and when we built this addition for Gracie, one of the things that I wanted to do was make sure that she didn't have to leave the room to make music, because we had that in our home in Nashville. Gracie had to get into her wheelchair to go into the other room to be able to sit with me at the piano and make music. And I thought, well, that's. You know, she has to spend so much of her life bedridden, because right now they don't want her sitting for long periods of time. They either want her lying flat or standing well, you know, and that. That's a bit challenging. And so I didn't want her to have to leave the room to make music. So we built this very, very big bedroom for our home here in Montana. And I talk about that a lot, over the last several months and years as we've been building this thing, because it. I wanted to build something that allowed me to better take care of Gracie. I'm going somewhere with this, by the way. Stay with me. Y' all hang on for this ride. And so the floor plan of our home makes no sense unless it was. Unless you understand that it was built for me to be able to better take care of Gracie. And that's what it is. So we have this very, very large bedroom, which I put our piano in, and I'm able to sit there at the piano and play. And the other morning, I started playing, Bless the Lord, oh, my soul and all that is within me Bless his holy name, you know, that Andre crouch. Well, I started playing that, and Gracie's over there singing that, and she's singing it with gusto, and she's laying flat on her back. Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me Bless his. And he has done great things. And I thought, wow, what a. What a contrast to what the world says, that we have to, you know, have certain things in place before we feel like we can be happy or joyful, whatever. And, now she's laying flat on her back without her legs on, and she's singing Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me. And I thought that's. That's the model for us as believers, is that no matter what's going on around us, we can do this, and we can. We can sing, we can laugh, we can cut up. You know, I could go into the cancer center, do Rodney Dangerfield. You know, it doesn't matter. We understand that there's something more going on, that God is waiting for us in those place as he summons us into those places. And he's walking with us every step of the way, with us. We're never apart from.

Peter Rosenberger: God doesn't play defense. Okay, do I need to say that again

Let me, let me just tell you something. All right? Write this down. You ready? Everybody get your pencil, write this down. God don't play defense. Okay, do I need to say that again? God don't play defense. That's not great grammar. I understand that, but I was born in South Carolina, and y' all need to understand this. That's where I was raised. So God don't play defense. God doesn't play defense. He's not reacting. He is not smacking his forehead and saying, oh, I forgot about that. There is no such thing as an errant molecule. It is all under the sovereignty of God. Now either we believe that or we do not. That is not a, A, you know, multiple choice kind of situation. Either he is or he isn't. If he's Lord at all, then he is Lord of all. Now, what are the implications of that? Well, the implications of it is that we understand now why Scripture tells us not to get afraid so much. Don't be afraid. Fret not. You know, you'll be cool. Now, that's the Southern translation. And, it's not that we don't have things in our life that aren't scary, that aren't painful, that aren't nerve wracking. But are we hostage to those things as believers, or are we being transformed by the renewing of our mind? Now, that's the question. See, all of these things now start to reach to this apex where we have to make a decision here. Are we going to choose to live in this, or are we going to choose not to live in this? Are we going to say, my God shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory through Christ Jesus? Or are we not. And I would love to tell you that I have a handle on this. Oh, would that I could. But I don't. But I know it more than I used to. I know it more than I used to because I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And that's what gives me strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. And that's what brings hope to this caregiver. We're going to talk more about that as the program unfolds. And this is Peter Rosenberger and this is Hope for the caregiver. HopeForTheCareGiver.com will be right back.

Heather turned to Trinity Debt Management to help manage her credit card debt

The following is a real life story from Trinity Debt Management.

>> Heather: When I was feeling the stress of, too much credit card debt, I looked at two different options, Debt settlement and debt management. They may sound the same, but guess what? They're not. Debt settlement seemed like a quick fix, but I found out it would destroy my credit, create tax headaches and hit me with huge fees. They actually told me me to stop paying my bills. No way. Not me. Then I turned to a debt management plan developed by the team at Trinity. They worked with my creditors, lowered my payments, reduced my interest, saved me thousands and paid off my debt. And Trinity is a Christian company, which is important to me.

>> Speaker C: If credit card debt has you down,

>> Peter Rosenberger: call Trinity at, 1-800-788-1813.

>> Heather: My name is Heather. Please forget debt settlement and remember Trinity Debt Management.

>> Speaker C: 1-800-788-1813 AFA stream It sounds like it could be a great place to catch fish or paddle a canoe. And as good as that is, AFA Stream is even better. It's a resource for life changing instruction and information with videos like the Biblical Case for Cultural Engagement and God in the Constitution. It's also a source of wholesome entertainment and relaxation with family friendly features like Ryan Defradi's Secret Agent and the Pilgrim's Progress. Plus access to some of your favorite AFA shows so you can catch up on what you missed or enjoy a favorite, episode for a second or tenth time. You can watch a lot of content for free or you can become a great commission partner. Then you'll not only open the door to everything AFA Stream has to offer, you'll get benefits like a subscription to the stand and some really nice exclusives. Why not get started today? It's easy. Visit stream afa.net when it's convenient. Stream afa.net.

Peter Rosenberg shares his advice on caregiving with American Family Radio

>> Peter Rosenberger: Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. This is Peter Rosenberg. Glad to be with you. Hope for the caregiver.com Hope for the caregiver.com by the way, do you like what you're hearing here on this program? Is it resonating with you? Do you want more? Well, it's very easy. Go out to the website or you can go out to my substack, caregiver.substack.com Write that down. Caregiver.substack S u b S t a c k.com substack is an online newsletter, and I put tons of things out there. instead of doing a blog and so forth on my website, I just do it all in substack because it allows me to put video, audio, print, everything. It also allows you to engage back with me if you want to send a note, say, hey, you know, I really like this one Peter, or whatever. And I've got an entire library of stuff out there that I hope you'll take advantage of. What I'm trying to do is just dump as many things as possible, as I've Learned over my 40 years of this, into a meaningful, cohesive way for my fellow caregivers. I take it from several things in Scripture. One of them is be good stewards of the talents that God has given us, the weight and the value that he's given. And I want to be able to be responsible with this. Okay, Lord, here's what I've learned through this, and here's what I've done with it. And the other thing is, at that moment when Jesus looked at Simon Peter, he said, simon, Satan has asked for permission to sift you, but I have prayed for you, and when you come through this, strengthen your brethren. I take that principle that Jesus is sharing with Peter very, very personally to me. Not just because my name is Peter, but simply because I think that is the biblical mandate. What we've learned, we pass on, we share. Nobody knew what to say to me. Nobody knew quite how to help me. In fact, most people still don't. That's okay, because I know what to say and I know what to do and I know what to offer my fellow caregivers. Not into how to be better at, ah, caregiving that's unique to your loved one. I don't know how to tell you to take care of your loved one anymore than you know how to tell me to take care of Gracie. But what I do know is the train wreck that's in the caregiver's heart and how to apply scripture in those places, what it looks like, how to ask better questions, how to get to the crux of everything that goes on. That's why I asked these bedrock type of questions and I put all that out there, take advantage of it. Caregiver.substack.com today. Go out there today and you could. You could see articles that I've written, videos, audio, so forth, and there's an entire cohesive library that is written in fluid Caregiver.

Mark tells the story of the paralytic being lowered through the roof

All right, moving on. I have been studying the Gospel of Mark as of Late. You know how you read something and you've seen it a bazillion times, and all of a sudden something stands out at you? You ever had that moment in scripture where you just like, wait, I've read this before. Oh, wait, I never thought about that before. Well, there's some passages that are just really like that. All of a sudden, they just come out of nowhere and just hit you right between the eyes. And that's what happened. In the Gospel of Mark. I was going through the story of the paralytic lowered through the roof. In Mark's Gospel, you know the story, four friends carry this man who can't walk. And they arrive at the house where Jesus is teaching, only to discover that they can't even get to the front door because of the crowd. And I guess, you know, a lot of people may have gone home or whatever.

>> Speaker C: I don't know.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Not these guys. Now, they carried their friend under, the roof, dug through it, lowered him down in front of Jesus. And Jesus forgives the man's sins. The religious leaders immediately accuse him of blasphemy in their hearts. He knows what they're thinking. He said, which is easier, Your sins are forgiven or to rise and take up your bed and walk? And then to prove his authority, Jesus tells the man to do the impossible. And he does. Well, that's the part we usually remember. But I go back to something Mark writes when Jesus saw their faith. Now, let me throw this out here to you. Based on what? Everything I've seen in scripture, what I've learned, and what scripture says about itself. There are no errant words in Scripture. God doesn't waste ink. There's no superfluous words. So when Mark writes, when Jesus saw their faith. And most scholars believe that Mark was being dictated to by Peter, Certainly Peter was the source for a lot of his information as far as the historical telling, the stories of what happened. And this is coming from Peter, who was there. Okay, so this is a really credible eyewitness account here. And then it's all superintended under the Holy Spirit. So when Mark saw their faith. Well, we've all read that verse, you know, we've quoted a thousand times. What did Jesus actually see? Now, think about as a caregiver, that whole event, it takes on a different meaning when you think about it from our standpoint as caregivers. These guys, number one, had to know this guy. They were friends. They knew of his situation. Jesus showed up at this place. They'd heard about this maybe from some other people. And they heard he's over there, so they have to go and get this guy, and then they have to schlep him all the way over. That's a Yiddish word, by the way. And with the last name like Rosenberger, I can get away with that. So they're hauling this guy all the way over there to wherever Jesus is going to be. And I think this is, I'm not totally sure whose house this was. I think it was James and John's house. their sons, of Zebedee. Don't. Don't quote me on that. But I think that's what it was. And so they have to get there, and there's the crowds, and they're hauling this guy around, and instead of turning back, they take him up the stairs. There are many in this audience who understand what it's like to help somebody with mobility impairments when it comes to stairs, okay? And stairs are not cool for some of us. And so these four guys are hauling this man upstairs onto the roof. Now, how many stairs were there? Well, it had to be probably 10ft above the ground, you know, so you're looking at how many stairs you got to get up and carrying a human being and then get up there. And they obviously had this in mind before they got up there, because, you know, what's the point of going on the roof if you're not going to be able to get them to Jesus? So they're thinking through this thing. There's a lot of intentionality here. And then they start digging this thing up. When I kind of imagine what. What's going on down below. How big a hole was this? This is big enough to lower a guy that is paralyzed through the roof. So you're talking a significant hole, which takes significant time, and dust is flying debris and everything else. And Jesus is standing there watching this thing. Now, think about that for just a moment. There had to be time. Scripture sometimes is so understated.

Mark says Jesus saw their faith when he looked at them

We owe it to ourselves to really think about what's going on in this moment here. And Jesus was sitting there talking and preaching to people, and all of a sudden, dust starts flying around. And I would imagine he looks up. I mean, I can't imagine he looks down. And so he looks up and he's seeing all this is going on. And he sees these guys doing this, and they lowered this guy through. And then it says, Jesus saw their faith. He didn't see them tearing up the room. Well, he did, but that's not what Mark says. He didn't say that. Jesus Saw this and this and this. He just said he saw their faith. He saw their intentionality driving that action because it was based on belief, on faith. They believed they had to get their friend to Jesus, and they acted on it with great intentionality. There was nothing haphazard about this. And Jesus lumped all of that. He didn't go through the specifics on it. Mark just says, Jesus saw their faith. And all of that action, all of that intentionality, all of was lumped into one statement that says he saw their faith. Now, Jesus saw two things that day that nobody else did. He saw the faith of those friends, and he perceived what was in the hearts of those Pharisees that were basically accusing him of blasphemy. Neither group had said a word. Nothing was hidden from him. Now, the crowds went home amazed. the scribes went home offended. The paralytic went home forgiven and walking. But I've wondered about those four friends. Mark never tells us what they saw when they looked at Jesus. Mark, under the supervision of the Holy Spirit, allowed us to see what Jesus was looking at. And I have spent most of my adult life around caregivers. I've watched husbands, wives, parents, children and friends shoulder burdens that almost nobody else notices. No applause, no headlines, no standing ovations. And most caregivers aren't looking for those things anyway. I mean, think about this. Do you really want a trophy as a caregiver? We'll just have to put it on the mantle and dust it. Somebody's got to keep it clean, and that's our job. So we don't really want that. But what we do want is somebody who understands that some. That we want somebody to be able to see what this road has cost us. Who is qualified to do so. The sleepless nights, the difficult decisions, the sacrifices, the tears that no one else witnessed. The perseverance required to keep showing up. Most caregivers labor where almost nobody can fully appreciate what has been required of them. Even the person they're caring for can't often comprehend the full cost. How could they? They're the ones being carried. But here's what I got from this. In Mark, there is one who sees he always has. The Holy Spirit preserved that one sentence when Jesus saw their faith. This is my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. But I don't think it was just done so that we would admire. Four faithful friends. Everything is designed to show us the character of God. So every believer who ever wondered whether Christ notices faithfulness, quiet faithfulness, can know the answer? Because he does. And if you're listening today while you're driving to the pharmacy, you're heading to the ER or you're going over to take care of somebody, or you're dealing with pills or changing another dressing or vacuuming or doing the laundry or whatever it is that you're doing right now as a caregiver while you're listening to me, because I would imagine many of you were not sitting still while listening to me, that you're going about your day doing stuff while you're listening and you wonder if anybody sees what you're carrying. I read in the Gospel of Mark this week that Christ does. The one who saw four anonymous men carrying their friend through impossible circumstances still sees. He sees what others miss. He sees what others cannot. He sees your faith. Now, I want you to think about that for a moment. He sees. And so, you know, a lot of times again, we think about this as caregivers. You know, what do we want? None of us want accolades, trophies, awards or plaque. None of that means anything to us. But what is it worth to you? What is it worth to me to have one knowing look from the one who truly understands? What would one look from Christ mean to us in that one look? He sees it all. Awards are nice. Plaques are nice. Trophies are nice. How many times have you said thank you for your service to somebody who is a veteran or active duty military? And they are very appreciative. But what does, a thank you for your service from somebody like me to a combat hardened veteran compare to their superior officer who looks at them and gives them a nod, well done that they see it, they understand it. And see, this is what we have times infinity with a Savior who truly understands one look, one knowing look from that Savior transcends an entire lifetime of caregiving. Think about that for a moment. Because this is the nature and the character of our Savior who truly understands and that is hope for this caregiver. We'll be right back.

The Bible talks about money. A lot more than 2,300 verses touch on wealth

>> Speaker C: This weekend on the Stand Radio, AFA Vice President Emeritus Buddy Smith tells us how the campmeeting movement is still building up.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Believers, Campmeeting is just that time to come aside and turn the world off as much as you possibly can and get in a position where you can really hear what God is saying. And, once we do that, exciting things happen.

>> Speaker C: The Stan radio Saturdays at 4 and Sundays at 8pm Central on AFR.

>> Peter Rosenberger: The Bible talks about money. A lot more than 2,300 verses touch on wealth, possessions, generosity and stewardship and one of the clearest principles is money itself is not the goal. It's simply a tool God places in our hands to accomplish something far greater than ourselves. What am I trusting right now? God or money?

>> Speaker C: Faith and Finance with Rob west, weekdays at 9am Central or on the AFR app.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Here's Dr. Al Mohler from the American Family Studios documentary. The God who Speaks.

>> Dr. Al Mohler: Jesus in the Gospel of John continually points to the Scriptures. And as he says famously, these are they that testify of me. If you knew Abraham from the Scriptures,

>> Peter Rosenberger: you would know me.

>> Dr. Al Mohler: Jesus himself refused to allow that division between his own authority and the authority of Scripture. He never set Scripture aside. What he did was to make very clear that he perfectly fulfilled Scripture. And of course, he went beyond even the Old Testament law in the Sermon on the Mount, saying, you've heard it said, you shall not commit adultery. I will tell you that if you've lusted in your heart, you have already committed adultery. So Jesus Christ himself drives us back to the authority of Scripture, and evidently that's exactly where he wants his church to be.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Visit the God who Speaks.

Peter Rosenberger is talking about health with longtime friend Nancy Comish

Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger, hope for the caregiver.com glad to be with you. I am going to play a little bit of an interview that I did a year ago with my longtime friend Nancy Comish, and we're talking about health. Since we're talking about my health today, and I am going through some treatment right now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a couple of segments off and I'm going to play this amazing conversation, I had with my longtime friend Nancy. she was actually Gracie's roommate in college, and she's known Gracie a lot longer than I have. She was there at the hospital first, when Gracie got hurt. So anyway, I thought you might enjoy hearing, from her and her thoughts on her own health journey as well. And the entire interview is at my substack, caregiver.substack.com caregiver.substack.com here's my conversation with Nancy.

For caregivers, healthiness is in your hands, Emerson says

It's up to us as caregivers to keep the bigger picture, but not only for Gracie, but I have to keep it for myself. And this is what happened, if you don't mind me saying, because you were, you were able to look at all these other people in your life, but in the meantime, you were falling apart and there was an intervention. Craig did an intervention and things changed. And you're not falling apart anymore. No, you're healthy, you have a better outlook on life. You cook differently, you think differently, you function differently. I am stunned by how many videos you put out on your page. No makeup, nothing. I mean, you're just saying natural.

>> Nancy Comish: I am what I am.

>> Peter Rosenberger: There's not many 60 year old women that'll do that. And everything is all glam and everything else. And you're like, no, this is who I am. And I'm, I'm aging the way I want to age and I'm m feeling the way I want to feel and I'm good. And I thought, wow, that takes a lot of courage. That takes a lot of confidence. I don't know that you had that kind of confidence 20 years ago.

>> Speaker F: Oh no, I did not.

>> Peter Rosenberger: You've got it now.

>> Nancy Comish: Absolutely. I, I have it because, of one primary factor. I quit letting the audience decide what the actor needed to unpack that a little bit. You're incredibly musically talented and skilled and gifted. There you go.

>> Peter Rosenberger: We had the caregiver keyboard make an appearance here today.

>> Nancy Comish: But truly, I quit letting the audience determine what the singer needed to convey through her voice.

>> Peter Rosenberger: A friend of mine phrase it one way to me. He said, there's a point where you stop waking up every day and asking everyone else, what kind of day am I going to have?

>> Nancy Comish: Exactly, exactly.

>> Peter Rosenberger: And you, you reach that point, you wake up and you say, I'm not asking anybody else what kind of day I'm going to have. I'm going to do what is necessary for me to be healthy.

>> Nancy Comish: Well, and I alluded to your two books and how they played into part of my recovery and your chapter in a minute. For caregivers, healthiness is in your hands. Someone else's needs do not determine how you care for yourself. To be passionate and caring for someone, loving them, sacrificing, but at what expense? It says since no one else, particularly a sick or medicated individual, can lead the efforts towards one's own healthiness, the responsibility of a healthy lifestyle remains solely, not partially, not when available or convenient, solely in the caregiver's hands. And that is chapter 11 in that book. And you said that the first wealth is healthy and that's Emerson. And we have a connection to Emerson, a family connection, in fact. And that is more poignant than you can possibly imagine because if you put your health in jeopardy, you can't buy it back.

>> Speaker F: I was on a group of medications, 15 different ones, and I was not sleeping well. My stomach was a mess, my nerves were shot, my hair was falling.

>> Nancy Comish: Out.

>> Speaker F: And we were going by the drugstore to pick up yet another set of prescriptions. My husband Craig said, hey, you rest. Sit in the cool, because it was August, and I'll go grab him. Well, what everyone needs to understand is this man ran hospitals. So he sat in on all of the meetings. And unfortunately for me, this man has a mind like an elephant. He does not forget anything. And what he reads, he remembers. Well, he used to be over the pharmacy of his hospitals, and he came out with this bag in his hand and he shook it at me and he said, we're going to talk about this when we get home. And I thought, well, okay. So we got back into the house. He took my hand and dragged me down to the very end of my parents house, to the bedroom, to the biggest open space, which was the bed. And he grabbed a Sharpie and circled the, contraindications on each page of each medicine. And he said, read those. And I started reading. He said, no, no, no, no. Read them out loud. So I read them out loud and every single one of them said the same thing. If combined with these other medications, three of the four were in my bag. Patients are likely to have stroke, heart attack, possible death. Now, as someone who trusted physicians, trusted pharmacists, and had three close calls, this was the final straw. And I looked up at my husband and I said, well, then this is scary. And he said, how long have you been taking these mets? And I said, I'm not going to answer that. And he said, yes, you are. How long? And I said, I've been taking him every night for four years now. Patient beware. Everybody should be aware. Everybody should be in full understanding of how adding any chemical to their body can be dangerous without knowledge.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Were you embarrassed?

>> Speaker F: I was mortified. I literally the words coming out of my mouth, hearing my voice speak these words that were in black and white. And he happened to use a red marker. I'm also a teacher. So that brings, even more shocking revelation. When you look at something that is there in front of you, that literally tells you that the last four years, anytime, every single night that you took them could have been the last of you. Now, my doctor was not standing there handing me the medicine again. What? I said, patient beware. Everyone has to be in control of what goes into their body. And this is where I failed myself. Now I went into a complete meltdown, accusing myself of all the things, oh, how stupid, how careless, how you know, I know better than this.

Shame is one of the first things you address with any caregiver

>> Peter Rosenberger: on that subject, you've worked with A lot of different folks over the years now, now that you've been doing this and helping fol have you found that that kind of shame and accusation is pretty common?

>> Speaker F: It is one of the very first things I address with any caregiver. That's the first thing I say, is scolding yourself, condemning yourself.

>> Peter Rosenberger: You know, I don't think we fully appreciate just how brutal shame is to us as human beings, what it does to our souls. And that's what the beauty of the gospel is, is that we can hear the reality of what Christ says as opposed to what we're saying to ourselves. You know, Satan's. Satan's only got one job. He is the accuser of the brethren. He's a slanderer. That is his job. That is the only thing that he does. That's what the name means, is he is the accuser of the brethren. He is constantly doing this kind of thing. But that's not what Christ says. And it's not that our decisions don't matter and they don't have consequences, but that's not what he says. And you hear this great invitation from Christ, come unto me, all you who are heavy laden and weary, and I will give you rest. And I got to tell you, I understand heavy laden and weary, Gracie, and I really understand that. And we can look at you during that time. And you were heavy laden and weary.

>> Speaker F: You know, Peter, when you stood on my front steps of my childhood home, every day was brutal because I was making decisions of throwing away my childhood. That's basically what my family was saying, oh, you should keep that. Well, I can't keep everything.

>> Peter Rosenberger: Where, where am I going to keep this?

>> Speaker F: Yeah, and I'm, I'm also not the Library of Congress. I can't, you know, I can't keep every single memory. And some memories you don't want to keep, Right? Some childhood memories are not the fondest. And some of those things were easy to throw away. But some of the things that we dealt with while dealing with my parents decline and their eventual death, and my father in law and my mother in law. It was basically a look at, okay, what now? What now they're gone? Do their degrees that are on, you know that pretty wood diploma on the wall? Do they really matter anymore? Should I keep that special pan that my mother used to pop popcorn that's old and tattered, handles half broken? Do I keep that bread box that my mother in law loved? The things were less of a concern as time went on than the realization that with each thing Came a burden of emotion and a burden of memory and another decision. And at that point, what did you

>> Nancy Comish: do with that on all those?

>> Speaker F: I swallowed it. Just like a good Southern steel magnolia does, my friend. I, swallowed it.

>> Peter Rosenberger: You could be really good at a lot of caregiving tasks, but you, you're under Damocles soared if you think one moment that your unhealthy decisions are not having an effect and putting everybody at risk. And it's not just what you eat. It's a whole lifestyle. I mean, I don't get up on the roof and clean gutters. No, there's a very big reason for that. And I think about that when I go out on horseback. And I have to be very careful.

>> Nancy Comish: You know, you said we cannot cure change or control the terrible things that our loved ones endure. The only thing we can control is our thoughts, our, words and our deeds. I can't fix it, but the loss of me is something I can't allow because if I lose my identity in the details of what I'm doing for someone else. And this is chapter 18. Well dog eared, it's understandable when we begin to lose sight of who we are. And it becomes we, we do this, we do that, then we place ourselves in that victory, victimized, victimhood role. This has happened to them, so it's happened to me. And you have to keep that independence in yourself. And I forgot that when I was caring for my. My loved ones, I continued to say we. When we were in the hospital or. No, they were in the hospital. I was visiting them or I was staying with them. When we were in hospice. No, I was not in hospice. My loved one was in hospice. I was standing aside, holding the hand, wiping the brow, holding the cup with the straw. I wish to be wiser and stronger and better. I held out my hands. This thing that is me is incomplete. It is only the. The raw material with which I have to work. I want to make it better than I received it. I could not put it any more sustained succinctly than that.

>> Peter Rosenberger: The goal is not to feel better. The goal is to be better. Yes, and. And that's on every level. You are getting ready to take Gracie and I to a new place here. You're going to help with some stuff with her and her healing, some collagen and things that you're helping advise us on. And I'm very much looking forward to seeing what can happen with this with her because she deserves a break. So we're going to. We're going to do that and we're going to have you back on, and we're going to keep giving progress updates.

Peter Rosenberger interviews Nancy Comish about body shaming and body dissatisfaction

But the difficult subject is not just our health, our health. We always want to be healthy. And, you know, nobody wants to be £400. But how did we get here? And a lot of that is the shame and the fear, guilt, all of those things that we just use our bodies as a dumping ground for this stuff. And Nancy, I don't mean to in any way go too personal in this, but you did this to yourself.

>> Nancy Comish: You know, decision by decision, you allowed

>> Peter Rosenberger: your body to become a dumping ground for a lot of other people's stuff. And you said, no more. I'm not doing this. You've been listening to my interview with our longtime friend, good friend, Nancy Comish, and you can hear the entire [email protected] this is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.

AFA helps provide prosthetic limbs to amputees in West Africa

I'll never forget walking into the hospital room after Gracie had her second amputation. Both legs are gone now. And she looked at me. She said, I know what I'm going to do. And I was kind of startled. What are you going to do? She said, I'm going to help provide prosthetic limbs to my fellow amputees and tell them about Jesus. And I said, well, baby, can we get out of the hospital first? She never let it go. And for almost 20 years, we've been working out of Ghana, West Africa. We treat patients all over there from other countries that come there. We send supplies, we send teams, we sponsor patients. We work with a prison where inmates volunteer to disassemble used prosthetic limbs so we can recycle the parts. All of this because Gracie trusted God with her heartache. We've got a huge shipment of supplies that is being loaded up right now to go out soon. Would you help us do it? Standingwithhope.com giving standingwithhope.com giving there's prosthetic feet, knees, pylon sleeves, adapters, all kinds of connectors. All of these things we are sending over there so that people can walk. We're going to point them to Christ. Help us out. Standingwithope.com giving the enemy wants to destroy

>> Speaker C: anything of God's, especially mankind. Who is made in God's image?

>> Speaker F: What would it be like if every person knew that they were created in the image of God?

>> Peter Rosenberger: We're talking about people, people loved by the Father, people for whom Jesus died.

>> Speaker C: We have to stand on God's truth.

>> Speaker F: We hear in culture all the time.

>> Peter Rosenberger: We need to find ourselves.

>> Speaker F: We need to go find our identity. We are already defined.

>> Peter Rosenberger: We are known before the foundations of the world.

>> Speaker C: In his image is a life changing film that has helped people break free from the grip of evil. It will take you through scripture to show the truth and its powerful testimonies will destroy Satan's attempts to pervert God's perfect design.

>> Peter Rosenberger: We now know with the genome of all of the DNA that there is no propensity towards a genetic disposition to homosexual behavior.

>> Speaker C: Watch it for the first time or again with someone who needs to see it anytime on AFA stream stream.afa.net Almighty

>> Peter Rosenberger: Fortresses our God awful worth never failing.

Peter Rosenberger shares 30 hymns that every caregiver should know

Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the program for you as a family caregiver. So glad to be with you today, Peter rosenberger.com we're continuing on our series of hymns that every caregiver should know. I started calling it 30 hymns that every Christian should know. 30 hymns that every Caregiver Should Know. I'm just going to call it Hymns that every Caregiver Ought to Know because we're going to go to more than 30. There's too many great ones, but we're just going to march through these and do as many as, as come to me and things that I have personally relied on. And this one right here, A Mighty Fortress is Our God. One of the most profound hymns ever written. And I want to give you the backstory on this that tell you, you know, how we got this hymn, why it means something to us as a caregiver. It's not a lullaby. Okay. You don't sing this one, you know, just holding the bead. you know, it's, it's a battle cry. You would think, okay, this is not a hymn that's going to really apply to us as caregivers. That is the kind of hymn that you're going to belt out when the wolves are at the door. But yes, it's got the grit, it's got the defiance. By the way, it was forged in the time we're singing this hymn. And it could have gotten you killed. Martin Luther wrote this hymn around 1527 and it was a tough year. I mean, the black plague had returned. I mean, the plague. The plague had returned to Wittenberg. We have no concept. We got all worked up with COVID This was the plague. People were dying in the street. And, by the way, Luther's, home, and he was already dealing with the fact of Being called the local heretic became kind of an emergency room. His infant son was deathly ill at the time, and Luther was just, battling depression. He was under constant threat from the church and the state. He was stressed out. And so what does he do? He writes this hymn Based on Psalm 46, God is our refuge and strength. a very present help in trouble. His original hymn, of course, was written in German. I don't speak German, but I'm going to give a stab at it. Ein fest berg ist unser Gott. A solid castle is our God. I don't think we can fully understand how much stress was on Luther during this time of his life. By the way, Luther wrote the melody for this too. And it's not an easy melody. Let's go to the caregiver keyboard here. Luther wrote this melody. I've actually heard this performed. And in the way he originally wrote it, in German, when I was at, Columbia Bible College, it's now Columbia International University. And they sang it there in the original German. The way he did it, it was a little bit different, the phrasing and so forth, but for the most part you knew exactly what it was. And, it's not an easy tune. A lot of move, You know, and I'm not doing a lot of embellishment on this, on the chords. I mean, you could throw in a seventh or something like that and maybe a night, The suspension there. So I, you know, I don't feel the need to get real creative, jazzy wise. And some of the commercial chords that I use, on a lot of hymns on this one, this one is. It's one of those hymns that just doesn't. It doesn't call for it, it doesn't need it. And the, the text is what makes this so fabulous. And if you ever hear this song by a room full of like 5, 600 men singing this, it made the hairs rise up on the back of your neck. And you don't think of this necessarily, like I said, as a caregiver song. There's a marching. Even though it's written in the key of C major, it feels like it's in a M minor key a lot. because it goes to that minor six which is the A minor chord a lot. And it has the borrowed five, for that, the E7 chord. So it feels this way that you've got a little bit of a tinge of. Well, it feels like a battle cry that the enemy's outside the gates but in that fortress there is peace, confidence, even joy. The English translation that we sing today was done by Frederick hedge back in 1853. He was a Harvard scholar. he was a Unitarian, which is not necessarily aligned with Christianity, but he was the one that translated this. You know, Harvard didn't start off being the liberal leftist place that it's become. I don't know how many know this or not, but the rules and precepts that Harvard started off with in 1646, including this right here, let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider. Well, the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ, which is eternal life, John 17:3, and therefore to lay Christ in the bottom as the only foundation of all sound knowledge and learning. That was Harvard's founding, and they have sadly come a long ways from that. but anyway, Frederick Hedge, did a very good job. He didn't soft pedal it at all, when he, translated into English.

Think about us as caregivers dealing with this when we sing this song

Did we in our own strength confide our striving would be losing? does that not apply to us as caregivers? How many of you all think you can do this in your own strength? I thought I could, and I failed miserably. But we're not called to do this in our own strength. We're called to do this in his strength. And what does that look like? Well, Luther goes on to say, did we in our own strength confide our striving would be losing were not the right man on our side, the man of God's own choosing? You ask who that may be. Christ Jesus. It is he, Lord Sabaoth, his name. From age to age the same. And he must win the battle. I mean, wow. I mean, again, think about us as caregivers dealing with this when we sing this song, you know, and also just think about the stress that was on Luther at the time. I don't think we can really, truly. Again, I don't. I just don't think we can. Can grasp what his life was like, the enemies that were arrayed against him, wanting to kill him and destroy him, and yet he's writing this text in the middle of the Black plague. It's one thing to write a nice hymn or a poem during COVID but he was writing this during the plague while a price on his head. You know, I mean, it's just difficult to understand the context of this. And though this world with devils filled, should threaten to undo us, he says in verse three, we will not fear, for God has willed his truth to triumph. Through us, the Prince of Darkness, Grim, we tremble not for him. On a side. You know, Ozzy Osbourne used to call himself the Prince of Darkness. And, you know, he died this week and he called himself the Prince of Darkness. Yeah. You want to think about what that meeting was like when the self described Prince of Darkness meets the Prince of Darkness. And, you know, I don't know. I don't know what his spiritual state was at the end, but there's the text right there. The Prince of Darkness, Grim. Ozzie didn't just come up with that himself. But we tremble not for him. We don't tremble for the Prince of Darkness. In this world, his rage we can endure. For lo, his doom is sure. One little word shall fail him. Luther said that word above all earthly powers, verse 4. No thanks to them abideth the spirit and the gifts are ours. Through him who with us sighted, let goods and kindred go this mortal life, Also the body they may kill. God's truth abideth still. His kingdom is forever. This hymn is not meant to be a there, there kind of hymn where we just come up with somebody just there, there, there.

>> Speaker F: This.

>> Peter Rosenberger: This hymn is meant to stiffen your spine, to strengthen the weary, to fortify them. You know, if you go back and look at the Lord of the Rings, Tolkien did an amazing job of describing the Rohirrim as they were getting ready to attack the orcs there that were besieging Gondor. And in the movie, they did, an astonishing job of showing this what it looks like. And you see the king going up and down, hitting his sword up against the spears of his men, crying out, knowing that. That this may be their last run, that this, this may not end well in this life. And they were resolved to do so. It's a vivid picture, if you get a chance to see it. It's a vivid picture of what I believe, what this hymn calls on us even greater as believers. Believers. To abandon everything and go to Christ and throw ourselves onto Christ. Run to Christ and recognize the body they may kill. God's truth abideth still. And he's our fortress because there's something greater going on than even what we see in the moment. And Luther knew this as he wrote this magnificent hymn that has bolstered the heart and spirits of countless people throughout the years. Luther knew that, you know, something that modern listeners really need to know. We're going to get bruised, we're going to suffer, and we're not strong enough on our own. But God is, you know, And I look at this again. This is a caregiver's hymn. Not because it's soothing, but because it's stabilizing when you're up at 3am tending to wounds. I had to this week. I had to do something that I've not done before. I had to pull a drain out of Gracie's leg while her doctor was texting me the instructions how to do it because the drain had lost suction and I had to pull this out. They did not cover this in music school, I promise you. And I'm doing this and I'm, you know, a bit anxious. This is not something I normally do, but this hymn reminds me of a greater source of strength, of a stabilizing source of strength. A mighty fortress is our God. Something that is stronger than my exhaustion, something that is truer than my fear. And for those of us in the long haul, caregiving. This is not theory, it's real. You don't survive this with catchy slogans. You need truth that's tested by fire. And Luther wrote it down for us. A mighty fortress is our God. A bulwark never failing. So next time you sing this, or maybe next time you read it, don't do it passively. Picture a man standing in a plague stricken town holding his sick child, facing exile or worse, and still declaring with everything in him, a mighty fortress is our God. This is one of the hymns that every caregiver should know and we've only scratched the surface. I hope you're enjoying this series and feel free to reach out to me and let me know. I'm probably going to cover a hymn that you think ought to be on this list. Because if you're thinking that him should be on this list and it's comforting you as a caregiver, then guess what, it's going to comfort others. And it's probably going to be on the list. So we're going to do more. If you like what we're doing here, would you go out and help us do more? Hope for the caregiver.com. you can see the donate button right there. Help us do more and help us get the word out to fellow caregivers that healthy caregivers do indeed make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll see you next time.

(00:00) Hope for the Caregiver started eight years ago on American Family Radio

(04:06) Rosenberger's 40-year career as a caregiver ended last week

(10:00) When we give, I think it does a few things for us

(11:00) Peter Rosenberger: Anchoring ourselves in Christ alone can overcome uncertainty

(12:10) Peter Rosenberger has an entire library of resources available to caregivers online

(18:04) Montana is very sparsely populated compared to other Western states

(22:58) Sometimes you get deputized to be a mail courier

(25:00) American Family Radio is Now available on iOS and Apple TV apps

(27:09) Peter Rosenberger is recovering from treatment for prostate cancer

(32:21) Gracie suffered multiple compound fractures in a car wreck decades ago

(39:04) Standing With Hope helps provide prosthetics to amputees in Africa

(42:09) Peter Rosenberger hosts Hope for the Caregiver on Montana Public Radio

(45:40) Let's go to our caregiver hymn of the week

(52:44) Use God's words to anchor yourself into reality as a caregiver